It’s been hard. Hasn’t it, Sanji?
As much as I criticized the method leading to this reunion, and I stand by why I was bored, this episode was beautiful. In the last post I suggested that I had theories over Sanji's feelings, yet they were unconfirmed. I think it was the lack of confirmation which kept me emotionally detached. I didn't want to start crying for something that may not even be the case. For him to confirm every single theory I posited, it became even more emotional because of that. I don't know if it's called something, but the writing device where you see hints of what somebody is feeling but not enough to materialize with confidence, only for them to open up and give you the powerful thought: “of course it was that way” is like my favourite form of emotional writing. Last post I described myself as an observer rather than a participant. The “of course it was that way” moment is what made me a participant, it confirmed all of my fears and feelings, and by doing so it makes Sanji feel incredibly human. Because until somebody is incredibly open and vulnerable it is difficult to truly know how they are feeling.
To set the scene, Sanji has failed Luffy in his mind, he feels a deep sense of shame over what he has done to his friends. This being foreshadowed by Sanji’s stern agreement with Zoro that Usopp, the man he just saved and encouraged to find self-confidence, should not rejoin the crew easily. I feel as though you could see the shame on his face as he spoke to Luffy, as if Luffy's childlike and blameless smile only hurt him. As if he wanted to be rebuked and punished. Before even getting into his reasons, we saw such a strong foundation from both of their characters. One of Luffy's lines which forever changed how I thought of his character is: “Being lonely is more painful than getting hurt.” Luffy is truly selfless when it comes to his friends, all he wants is the best for them, and the thing that hurts him most is when he cannot ensure that. His smile reminded me of his childhood, it was one of those moments that felt like I was staring straight into his heart. And for Sanji to feel hurt by that kindness shows his intense duty and obligation to others, and especially his friends- the shame that he let them down. Following this, it was quite beautiful that we had a parallel from the time that Sanji brought his mom food. The act of Luffy eating his food is a distinct reminder that the Straw Hats are an unconditional home for Sanji, no matter how lowly he feels and no matter how badly he’s failed, just like his biological mom represented before he lost her.
I am no genius for theorizing the reasons for Sanji’s inner turmoil, I basically threw everything on the table. I was unsure of the priority of each. But perhaps it was the order he listed them in. His sense of shame and guilt for betraying his friends and hurting Luffy. As touched on, something deeply foreshadowed! His gratitude to Zeff, rejecting a chance of him being executed. And third, a sense of duty to his family, a duty to save them. For Reiju, this is obvious, but I do think this was also foreshadowed quite strongly with Judge too. Sanji absolutely wanted his love, he wanted to be good enough, even now in the present Sanji had to ask himself if a biological parent it's entitled to respect. As much as he has decided he only feels animosity towards them: he grew up with his brothers, he grew up desiring his father's love, and he grew up grateful for Reiju. Despite all the bad things they have done to him, akin to the way that he respects the life of strangers or even his enemies at times, he feels responsible to protect them. And importantly, all three reasons holding him back and crushing him are the obligations he holds to other people. To his friends, to his adoptive father, to his biological family. It was about who he had to be for them. Taking into account the fact that he is a cook, I feel living for other people is incredibly essential to Sanji. He always does seem at peace when he’s cooking alone for his friends. <3
Finishing with Luffy forcing Sanji to say the thing that he was afraid to say was the only way to go. It was powerful and vulnerable for him to suggest he didn't have the courage needed to run away. And it was powerful for Luffy to understand exactly why: ‘because that is who Sanji is’. We've known that the whole time buddy, so lets do it. |