| Even though I'm male I find characters like Hikigaya Hachiman and Sora (NGNL) attractive. |
[center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
| I AM the negative insecure person! I can't help it. People say things and it's like I have an automatic negative shoot down for whatever they say. And that makes me insecure that they don't like me....because they don't. |
| I've never dated anyone yet so it doesn't matter. |
 |
Shiratori-san said: What's so bad about negativity/insecurity? It probably means that the other person really likes you and is afraid to lose you. It's up to you to make that person believe in you and lose their insecurity. The problem is the media that always makes fun of those kinds of people. But as for me, I'd rather be with a person like that than with some arrogant "oh, I'm da best, everyone loves me"- type of person. Couldn't agree more. Unless it's some kind of mental illness in which case i'd recommend a therapist :) |
Meokii said: I am that person. *sob* |
Shiratori-san said: What's so bad about negativity/insecurity? It probably means that the other person really likes you and is afraid to lose you. It's up to you to make that person believe in you and lose their insecurity. The problem is the media that always makes fun of those kinds of people. But as for me, I'd rather be with a person like that than with some arrogant "oh, I'm da best, everyone loves me"- type of person. It can be taken too far. My husband is a negative person, and has a low self esteem. He actually gets upset when he's complimented, and sometimes shoots back something like "that's bullshit" in an irritated tone. Every day of work is always "this has been the worst week in my life", and whenever he's in a bad mood "I hate my life, it sucks!". Now... the constant exaggerating... everything is the worst, everything is the hardest... I just kind of shake my head at. Whatever, it's his way of venting. I've gotten used to it. The irritation at being complimented, well I'm not sure why it really annoys him, but I can deal with that. The one thing I wouldn't tolerate is his constantly saying how he hates his life whenever he had a crappy day at work. We have a good life, and a daughter together, so of course that would be upsetting to hear all the time. He stopped doing that after I put my foot down and told him to find a new life if his sucked so much. Other than that, his negativity is only bothersome, but not enough to make me dislike him or want to leave. But I'm talking about when that negativity and insecurity extends to things that directly effect and become offensive to the other partner, like his saying he hates his life (though, if you don't share a life, home, and family with that person, you might not feel much at hearing that). But like if you have a partner that asks day in and day out if you are angry, I'm sure that would get annoying. Or one that constantly accuses you of cheating on them because they don't think they're good enough (or accuse you of thinking that way). Or someone who talks endlessly about how your relationship will never work out and is doomed. It's really one thing to be negative about yourself and your life, but when you date someone and your negative basically drowns the relationship in doubt and mistrust, -that- is when I think it goes too far... and what I mean by this thread. Thrashinuva said: The problem is that people like me get hooked to people like that. It's crazy but people like me become dependent on this shit, and we trap ourselves into it thinking it's worth it somehow. I think that would be considered a hero complex. I have a crappy past too, and sometimes I think part of why my husband started dating me was because he has a hero complex, and wanted to "fix" me. At the time he started dating me, everything was still pretty fresh. It's nice to want to help someone who has problems, but a big problem in that... is that people who want to help others really expect they can date them, fix them, and then live happily ever after. The reality is that you can't just fix someone who's truly broken with a few "i love you"s and assuring someone truly wants them. Then it will just cause problems in the relationship as the person who wanted to help the other gets frustrated at getting nowhere, and realizes things aren't so simple and smooth. But it goes both ways... people who have problems can also be a bit selfish and not take into consideration that it's not always easy to deal with them. It takes a very special person to really support someone who's been through a lot. But that someone should want to learn how to help themselves when they can in order to keep a healthy and happy relationship. Even here I see people saying how they -are- that negative person. So? You don't do it on purpose, we know that... or at least I do. It's not like you can see the world through rose colored glasses when you have been through a lot, or have clinical depression. But the important thing is that you don't go at it with the attitude "I can't help it" but "I'm trying...". If you quit before you start, you'll never get anywhere. I don't think that being - extremely- negative makes you a bad or lesser person in the least, but if it makes you unhappy with your ability to interact with others, then you need to at least try. It won't hurt to stop and ask yourself "am I exaggerating?" when you feel upset over something. Mithzor said: Couldn't agree more. Unless it's some kind of mental illness in which case i'd recommend a therapist :) the degree of negativity and insecurity I'm talking about, that would really effect a relationship, really could be categorized as needing therapy. |
 |
| No and even if they were, I would dump them automatically and tell them to die alone with a positive personality. I already have enough negative things going on in my life. |
| Ha. Ha. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. I'm laughing because you got hurt. |
| I did for a little bit. Unfortunately, I got tired of it quickly. |
 |
JadeQuetzal said: Being a super depressed person myself I can relate a bit with your husband. I'm sure when he said those things, it doesn't mean that he doesn't value you and your daughter and that he doesn't love you, but it simply means he hates his work and all the problems he has. The fact that he stopped complaining, shows that he understood that he was hurting you and wants to show you that he treasures you. At least I think so.Shiratori-san said: What's so bad about negativity/insecurity? It probably means that the other person really likes you and is afraid to lose you. It's up to you to make that person believe in you and lose their insecurity. The problem is the media that always makes fun of those kinds of people. But as for me, I'd rather be with a person like that than with some arrogant "oh, I'm da best, everyone loves me"- type of person. It can be taken too far. My husband is a negative person, and has a low self esteem. He actually gets upset when he's complimented, and sometimes shoots back something like "that's bullshit" in an irritated tone. Every day of work is always "this has been the worst week in my life", and whenever he's in a bad mood "I hate my life, it sucks!". Now... the constant exaggerating... everything is the worst, everything is the hardest... I just kind of shake my head at. Whatever, it's his way of venting. I've gotten used to it. The irritation at being complimented, well I'm not sure why it really annoys him, but I can deal with that. The one thing I wouldn't tolerate is his constantly saying how he hates his life whenever he had a crappy day at work. We have a good life, and a daughter together, so of course that would be upsetting to hear all the time. He stopped doing that after I put my foot down and told him to find a new life if his sucked so much. Other than that, his negativity is only bothersome, but not enough to make me dislike him or want to leave. But I'm talking about when that negativity and insecurity extends to things that directly effect and become offensive to the other partner, like his saying he hates his life (though, if you don't share a life, home, and family with that person, you might not feel much at hearing that). But like if you have a partner that asks day in and day out if you are angry, I'm sure that would get annoying. Or one that constantly accuses you of cheating on them because they don't think they're good enough (or accuse you of thinking that way). Or someone who talks endlessly about how your relationship will never work out and is doomed. It's really one thing to be negative about yourself and your life, but when you date someone and your negative basically drowns the relationship in doubt and mistrust, -that- is when I think it goes too far... and what I mean by this thread. |
| The writer who penned Clashing Feelings. You can buy the light novel on Amazon. |
| I don't know, I am exactly as the thread suggests, with the only difference with me being less exaggerated and whiner. I'd hardly, if not impossibly, go around and tell people how I'm pessimistic about something and such. But, I don't think I'd date a person like that, just because I am that way. In a relationship I think it's better to compensate each other, so it would really suck having a girlfriend that pessimistic. But on the other I wouldn't date a person constantly optimistic about everything. A middle way would be best. |
| I tried to once. They end up relying on you too much you limit their growth as a person. If you leave them though they will try to find another person to lean on it's fucking sad to watch and it leaves you wondering "Maybe I could of built their confidence." You second guess your decision to break up with them, they will talk you out of it. Tell you they will commit suicide. You just have to do your own thing though. YOU'RE UNHAPPY you have to change that and make your own happiness no one else will. |
| I have really funny thoughts that no one will get to hear. |
Shiratori-san said: Being a super depressed person myself I can relate a bit with your husband. I'm sure when he said those things, it doesn't mean that he doesn't value you and your daughter and that he doesn't love you, but it simply means he hates his work and all the problems he has. The fact that he stopped complaining, shows that he understood that he was hurting you and wants to show you that he treasures you. At least I think so. Hmm, well he used to say some really hurtful things whenever he was mad just because he was pissed and wanted to hurt me, so I'm nt sure he really cared as much about whether it hurt me or not... but that he realized he might actually lose the life he currently has if he keeps it up with that. He used to threaten divorce every time we got into a fight. After a few years of that I got tired of it... picked him up from work with a packed back. He asked what I was doing. I told him "I don't threaten, I do. I'm leaving. I'm tired of those threats and I won't stick around waiting for a what if". I dropped him off at home, and went to my american friend's house. He sent me flowers at work, and promised to stop saying that. He did, save for a few times after, and then after it almost came to that again he stopped and never said it again. Since that time, when I tell him that something really bothers me enough to make me leave if it's not changed, he takes it very seriously. I guess in the end he doesn't -actually- want to lose our life together... so when it comes down to that, he realizes something has to change. He knows I don't give empty threats. I won't say that unless I am 100% willing to walk the walk. If I'm not, I'll deal with it another way. I actually believe he has some degree of clinical depression. He also has aaaalways had a very difficult time sleeping to top it off. He just won't listen to anyone. His step father (though he passed away a few years ago) was a medical doctor and psychologist, and he wouldn't even listen to him. I struggle with my own problems and understand very well how important it is to not drown yourself in all the bad stuff, and how you need to find ways to relieve your stress. I guess the difference is that I want to help myself, and he's just fallen into this rut and given up the idea of changing his way of thinking? I guess he's got a naturally meek personality. He used to let me make all the decisions, but then get mad when I made the decisions... he'd insist I decide, but get upset when I did. I got tired of that and told him to grow a pair on a few occasions, and he doesn't do that often anymore. He's helped me to change in many positive ways too, but that's another topic all together, lol. But I think that's how a relationship should be... you should benefit one another in an emotional way, not drag each other down. Maybe it takes a special kind of person to deal with a strong pessimist just as it takes a special person to deal well with someone's extra baggage? It certainly takes a lot of patience and understanding for both XD My husband's level of pessimism now might annoy me at times, but I certainly would not leave him for it, and if he never changes anything more... I'm ok with that. But my friends really make me feel bad for the people they date. I wouldn't want to be doubted that much, it would hurt. |
JadeQuetzalJun 9, 2014 10:49 AM
|
| What's a date? |
| No, it sounds too much of a pain to cheer someone up everyday if they're always negative. |
| No, I'm too negative to date people. |
 |
| It's just like the Crazy/Hot scale. If her hotness is equal to, or greater than her gloominess, then sure. And I guess it helps that I'm a cynical asshole myself. |
JadeQuetzal said: Hmm, well he used to say some really hurtful things whenever he was mad just because he was pissed and wanted to hurt me, so I'm nt sure he really cared as much about whether it hurt me or not... but that he realized he might actually lose the life he currently has if he keeps it up with that. He used to threaten divorce every time we got into a fight. After a few years of that I got tired of it... picked him up from work with a packed back. He asked what I was doing. I told him "I don't threaten, I do. I'm leaving. I'm tired of those threats and I won't stick around waiting for a what if". I dropped him off at home, and went to my american friend's house. He sent me flowers at work, and promised to stop saying that. He did, save for a few times after, and then after it almost came to that again he stopped and never said it again. Since that time, when I tell him that something really bothers me enough to make me leave if it's not changed, he takes it very seriously. I guess in the end he doesn't -actually- want to lose our life together... so when it comes down to that, he realizes something has to change. He knows I don't give empty threats. I won't say that unless I am 100% willing to walk the walk. If I'm not, I'll deal with it another way. I actually believe he has some degree of clinical depression. He also has aaaalways had a very difficult time sleeping to top it off. He just won't listen to anyone. His step father (though he passed away a few years ago) was a medical doctor and psychologist, and he wouldn't even listen to him. I struggle with my own problems and understand very well how important it is to not drown yourself in all the bad stuff, and how you need to find ways to relieve your stress. I guess the difference is that I want to help myself, and he's just fallen into this rut and given up the idea of changing his way of thinking? I guess he's got a naturally meek personality. He used to let me make all the decisions, but then get mad when I made the decisions... he'd insist I decide, but get upset when I did. I got tired of that and told him to grow a pair on a few occasions, and he doesn't do that often anymore. He's helped me to change in many positive ways too, but that's another topic all together, lol. But I think that's how a relationship should be... you should benefit one another in an emotional way, not drag each other down. Maybe it takes a special kind of person to deal with a strong pessimist just as it takes a special person to deal well with someone's extra baggage? It certainly takes a lot of patience and understanding for both XD My husband's level of pessimism now might annoy me at times, but I certainly would not leave him for it, and if he never changes anything more... I'm ok with that. But my friends really make me feel bad for the people they date. I wouldn't want to be doubted that much, it would hurt. Oh, I also think he was going too far. You did well, then. But those are severe cases. I was only thinking of people who aren't "a party-person", people who are usually quiet and rather be at home. Unfortunately, society automatically label them as gloomy, negative, depressing and someone who should be avoided. |
| The writer who penned Clashing Feelings. You can buy the light novel on Amazon. |
| Yes, but I had no idea she was like that when I met her. She was always complaining to her friends that I was not doing enough for her in the relationship, and sometimes telling that to my friends. I dunno man, she was pretty hypocritical and I thought I was putting in quite a lot of effort so I can only imagine what she thought "doing enough" was. |
Miraclezify said: Yes, but I had no idea she was like that when I met her. She was always complaining to her friends that I was not doing enough for her in the relationship, and sometimes telling that to my friends. I dunno man, she was pretty hypocritical and I thought I was putting in quite a lot of effort so I can only imagine what she thought "doing enough" was. Complaining to your friends but not bringing it up with you? Yeah... I can see how that would improve things, cuz... you know... we're all psychic and know when our partner is upset but not telling us ;) lol. I'll never get why someone would complain about their relationship to someone else when they hadn't brought up those problems with their partner first to at least try an resolve it. |
|
| Yes. It totally sucked. Her personality was the pinnacle of self-entitlement and the reason she was so negative was because of that very fact. I'm just glad that now she's found someone who will stick with her. They're both terrible people. They were meant for each other! |
| Just need to find out how to quote this every time so I can dodge the stupid 30-character limit. |
Kyouraku-san said: What's a date? it's just hanging out with someone like normal only with the possibility of sex looming in the air |
| I CELEBRATE myself, And what I assume you shall assume, For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. |
Kibura_Iburasa said: JadeQuetzal said: and they'll have to die alone. Everyone dies alone, derp. Fairly sure a lot of people don't. |
| "If you love someone Follow your heart Cause love comes once If you’re lucky enough" |
JD2411 said: Nicole said: in a literal sense everyone does die aloneFairly sure a lot of people don't. you can be surrounded by people at the time of your death but none of them are going to die with you Do you mean in a physical sense, or spiritual? Because a lot of people who get into accidents or are murdered don't die alone in the physical sense. This would be an awesome way to go, in my opinion. My husband and I argue who gets to go first, because the other person will be alone after that. I'm younger, and I have had family live to their 90s and 100s, so... I know I'm probably SOL, but this would be my ideal way to go. http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/127680/married_couple_in_their_90s |
JadeQuetzalJun 12, 2014 8:27 AM
|
| I dated a girl like this for three miserable years. I say that, but really only the last year was truly miserable. She always thought I was going to leave her, and if I ever spoke to another woman i had all sorts of shit to deal with later. I honestly didn't end it sooner because I wasn't sure that she wouldn't kill herself right afterwords. Finally I decided that I needed to look out for me every once in a while, and broke it off. I've been a much happier person ever since. |
 |
MysticGoose said: I dated a girl like this for three miserable years. I say that, but really only the last year was truly miserable. She always thought I was going to leave her, and if I ever spoke to another woman i had all sorts of shit to deal with later. I honestly didn't end it sooner because I wasn't sure that she wouldn't kill herself right afterwords. Finally I decided that I needed to look out for me every once in a while, and broke it off. I've been a much happier person ever since. I have a friend that still needs to learn that lesson. The father of her child is an abusive worthless waste of a human being. She's had 3 restraining orders in the past, but every once in a while she takes him back after several months of saying she'll never accept him again... because she feels bad for him. he has some unknown condition that gives him random seizures. She takes him back because she "loves him deep down" and feels bad for him, because she really is convinced he'll just die one of these days, and doesn't want him to die alone. Not to mention the safety of her son (who I love like a nephew)... she puts this idiot's well being over her own family. He's one of the most insecure people I've ever met too. He talked to me one time at her house, then he would start texting me asking me for advice how to make her happy and what to do. They were at my house one day, and one of my neighbors stops to talk to me for a minute to ask something. That neighbor is actually a handsome well built guy around my age that pretty much walks around without a shirt all day. My friend's baby daddy was pissed that she even looked at him -_- I thought she was through when I forbade him from returning to my house or being around my family because he was starting to act violent after he had fallen asleep on our couch and it was time for them to go home, but he didn't want to. He scares me and I refuse to be around him. But she is with him now again (she won't say that, but she's avoiding me and posting stuff with him a lot) I don't get why people are so foolish that they would put themselves through hell (no less their own children!) for someone like that. While he's never hit their son, he has nightmares because he's obviously afraid of him. It makes me so mad. |
JadeQuetzalJun 12, 2014 8:47 AM
|
| No, I'm usually that person. I imagine it would end with a double suicide if I dated someone like that. |
 |
| My ex-girlfried tried to jump off a bridge. I try not to see this as a reflection of my ability to date. But yes, I will date a negative person, if they wish it and I understand the exact reason they're so down |
 |
| A negative person? Well we would be attracted to each other. |
| more of a negative person one of my ex-boyfriends was so awesome when i met him but after we dated for awhile i realized that although he was not directly insulting me, he would tell me i was wrong about everything i said. like a tiny version of emotional abuse. i just started feeling bad about myself anyway i realized what was happening and broke it off |
MC-sama said: You can cyber date me. I never dated anyone in my life. :< I was once confessed to by an extremely shy girl. I turned her down. She became a mother few years later. I don't regret this decision. |
| I definitely have superpowers. I can feel it in my balls. |
| I don't want someone who's never sad, or someone who's always happy. I don't particularly want someone who can just be happy by me saying "I love you" or "Be happy". But at the same time, I don't want someone who's surrounded by happy things to always be depressed. Even if I'm not being blamed, which I most often will no matter my course of action, I will still feel somewhat at fault, and I don't want that. |
JadeQuetzal said: Miraclezify said: Yes, but I had no idea she was like that when I met her. She was always complaining to her friends that I was not doing enough for her in the relationship, and sometimes telling that to my friends. I dunno man, she was pretty hypocritical and I thought I was putting in quite a lot of effort so I can only imagine what she thought "doing enough" was. Complaining to your friends but not bringing it up with you? Yeah... I can see how that would improve things, cuz... you know... we're all psychic and know when our partner is upset but not telling us ;) lol. I'll never get why someone would complain about their relationship to someone else when they hadn't brought up those problems with their partner first to at least try an resolve it. Exactly. One of my friends she was talking to consistently told her to talk to me, but she always refused. He'd always relay stuff back to me of course, but I just thought that stupid. Either way, I tried to make things better without her knowing about me knowing all that stuff, but she just seemed less and less interested thus me calling her hypocritical. So yup, had to break it off. It just wasn't worth it. |
| Never dated anyone and Im 17. #ForeverAlone #Otaku #Noballs |
 |
| I have dated a few, but the worst one was the one that freaked out when I changed my profile picture to one of me and my best friend, claiming that I was in love with my best friend. She also didn't allow me to talk to any females and also wouldn't let me hang out with my brother because he was apparently a threat even though she said "I know that you're straight so I know guys won't take you away from me" She would cry if I got off the phone any time before 1 or 2 am saying that I was calling some other girl and cheating on her. I also had to text her whenever I wasn't home and if I didn't reply it meant I was cheating...I also had to reply to her IMs right away or else it meant I was talking to someone else...and cheating. She drove me up the walls, but that's also why she's my ex. |
 |
| Nothing worse than complimenting your girlfriend and her denying it and saying "you're supposed to say that!" I'm always sincere when I compliment. If I say you're beautiful, you fucking are. |
 |
AllenVonStein said: No I date only positive - funny person. look carefully at person and u will know if he is lazy, negative or positive |
| Signature removed. Please follow the signature rules, as defined in the Site & Forum Guidelines. |
| Yeup and it sucks. Don't do it. |
| kinda.. was more of a summer fling than anything Was boring..very..very..boring.. |
| Fight Club > Anime Scott Pilgrim > Manga Death Cab for Cutie > Yuki Kajura "Who'd you rather be? The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?" MY REVIEWS! READ THEM. http://myanimelist.net/profile/StillSwingin007/reviews |
| Unfortunately, I did this a few times. I always went in with that silly notion that I could help them, and make their lives better, and "fix" them (hate using that term, because it's not like they are a broken object you can glue back together or something). I'm thankful that while we were together it seemed like I made a positive impact on their lives, but eventually I had to end the relationships because it gets extremely draining, and you can't change someone else unless they are willing and work for it themselves. Jeez, I was a pretty naive fellow, pretty idealistic too. Sadly, while I remain friends with them, they all ended up rebounding to negative influences almost immediately and their quality of life isn't the greatest. I do wish I could help them, but I've definitely learned my lesson. |
 |
| Can I just count myself? |
| ive never dated a girl because im a meatball |
| "Kyousuke backed away wordlessly. Then the Bob Sapp-lookalike, christened Bob henceforth, apparently trying to close the distance between her and Kyousuke, moved her stout, elephant-like leg." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm a dick. |
| My only ex was pretty negative. He was sweet, got me great gifts & lots of food, was perfect at making out and other *ahem* "activities" haha. But he just had such a negative outlook on everything. He always saw the worst in people. Any time I'd ask him for advice his opinion would always be something along the lines of, "well, the world is a cruel place. that's just how it goes." I just really didn't like it. I broke up with him for a different reason but that was probably one of the supporting reasons. |
 |
| No, never happened before. I know how to pick good people. |
| Yes a few years ago maybe more i dated a nice girl (well i thoiught so at first) after a few months together if i even talked to another girl on teamspeak she would go crazy at me and start crying implying i was flirting ect with this other girl. It got to the point where she tried to stab me so i threw her out. |
epyon4lightJun 6, 2019 5:34 AM
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