Do cheaters deserve second chances in relationships?

once a cheater always a cheater is just a rule of thumb so its not always true

I think cheaters do not deserve second chances in relationships. Cheating is a betrayal of trust and a sign of disrespect. It shows that the cheater does not value the relationship or the partner's feelings. It also damages the self-esteem and confidence of the partner who was cheated on. Cheating can cause emotional trauma and psychological distress that can take a long time to heal. Giving a cheater a second chance is risky and foolish. It can lead to more pain and disappointment. It can also create a cycle of mistrust and insecurity. Once a cheater, always a cheater. That is my opinion.

It really depends under what circumstances lead someone to cheat. Whether it is that individual or just a vulnerable state they were in or if it is a sign of a fault in the relationship. It also depends on what they actually did, how they feel about it and what their partner thinks of it. These aren't simple matters and I don't judge others broadly like that and I could only know how I would act if that happened and under what conditions.

@traed That's complete BS traed.

Entering into a relationship you should be completely conscious that your actions are your own and that in a relationship the biggest thing is communication. If there is issues in the relationship constant communication should be the baseline and if the relationship really is falling apart and not salvageable the solution is not to cheat.

The solution is to not be a POS and instead actually have the integrity and resolve to ends things yourself. There is not a single excuse that could EVER make cheating blameless even in states of vulnerability and this entire "Oh, it's depends" mindset is the reason people allow themselves to stay in toxic relationships in the first place since they do not hold themselves up to standards that in some instances there is a line people can cross that results in zero tolerance and that line, at the very least, should be having your partner cheat on you.

"Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a very accurate and true saying, so yeah, they shouldn't be given a second chance by the person who got cheated on.

Hard to trust someone again if they cheat on you but if they are genuinely remorseful and take actions to make things right then you can forgive them to an extent.

I would say that your reaction will also largely depend how far along in the relationship you are. Met six months ago and get confronted with this? The decision to split seems an easier choice to make. But what if you have been together 20 years, have two kids and a mortgage under both your names? Cutting all ties becomes a whole different ball game. I bet in the latter scenario people will tend to adopt a more forgiving mindset.

@Cneq
You misunderstand what I mean.

For example what if a person cheating is in an abusive relationship and doesn't know how to get out of it safely yet? That is their fault and theirs alone?

What if their partner has an identical sibling (twins/triplets whatever). Is it really their fault they can't tell them apart if they pretend to be the other?

Communication takes two sides and a partner being cheated on in some cases can be as equally not communicating things well or even sometimes more on the side of the person cheated on, causing a rift in the relationship where a situation where cheating wouldn't have previously been a possibility can occur. That wouldn't make that person to blame for the other cheating but it is part of their responsibility for the relationship being weakened but also sometimes it is no one's fault for a relationship not working out but that isn't calling the cheating itself blameless.

There is a number of situations where a person might cheat that some people would find more forgivable. What if they are under a lot of stress and grief and someone close to them had died and their partner just wasn't there for them and some friend that didnt know they were in a relationship or forgot kisses them and they kiss them back in the moment, is that really cheating the same degree as literally planning to fuck a bunch of other people behind their back? I am not saying a person should cheat in such scenarios ideally but people are human.

Again we go back to definitions of cheating. Different people consider different things cheating. To some merely looking at someone and being aroused is cheating. To some having romantic feelings for another person is cheating. But these aren't exactly conscious decisions.

Also different people are willing to forgive different things. You can't deny this reality. You seem to only be focused on the view of you being cheated on.

So yes it depends.

@traed

Dude, these are absolutely fucking terrible counter arguments.



If you are in an abusive relationship, why the fuck would you put yourself in danger even further, by risking getting caught with another person? And even putting that aside, even in the purely hypothetical realm, this is already an insanely toxic scenario, to the point where the cheating wouldn't even be the main issue at fault here. If your argument to justify cheating it to put it up against a much more heinous act such as that, then it's pretty telling of the real flimsiness of the argument.

The second example is so cartoonishly obscure and rare it's practically irrelevant, and again, obscures the real issue by using an even more egregious act by other participants. But also misses the point, since the intent factor, that makes cheating a betrayal is not there. This is a response to an argument made by no one.



If someone cheats on you, and tells you "it's no one's fault", because their was a lack of communication, then that person is toxic. YES the responsibility ABSOLUTELY falls on the person who cheated in that scenario. It's completely disgusting to argue otherwise. The solution to a lack of communication is either building communication, or ending the relationship. Not by adding another wrong to it.



So? What, they were hurt, and so they shouldn't take any responsibility for breaching the terms of the relationship? If they do that in the heat of the moment, they need to talk to their partner about it. If they don't, they're a scumbag. And either way, it still doesn't write the wrong. They still fucked up, and they still need to take the responsibility for it.



Nobody is arguing this!!!! If you find yourself glancing at another woman / man, maybe you could consider that an unconscious decision (though unlikely), sure, but that in of itself is not cheating, and muddling it down with all this bullshit is actually destructive to this discussion, and obscures responsibility once again.



Literally irrelevant. People are willing to forgive their abusers, but that doesn't mean their abuse was justified.

People need to take responsibility for their actions. Full stop. None of this whataboutism bullshit.