not really im bad with smells in general, they trigger my gag reflex, im quite obsessive about my cleanliness, to the point of compulsion
its not like i ever smell particularly bad by default, except like my socks, especially after an entire day walking or in platforms or at a rave BLEH
i use a fragrance free deodorant, and no other shit, when like shampoos or body wash smell too intense i dont like it either but i can survive that if i like shower at somebody elses place or something, but like anything intense like hair sprays, some fragrance, whatever the fuck i hate it and it makes me gag and choke
but ye ye its not like my own smell makes me gag, others smells do, but its in my head, i suspect ocd cuz of my thought patters about cleanliness, and even if for a fact i know i am clean or id just showered, if i mentally "feel" some sort of odor or "dirt" (which is ofc invisible but im convinced its there and i just cant focus on anything else) i gotta like deal with it like wash idk my hands to just make this sensation disappear; yeah hands and genitalia trigger me the most if i sense that something isnt absolutely perfect in my mind
i always have to open the window immediately after waking up cuz i just sense like dirtyness and sweat and some fkn invisible fumes in my room lmao and yeah this might make my gag every now and again, but its like in my head, i just open the window for a bit then im satisfied and convinced that all of the smells are gone
however, i enjoyed the smell of one of my exs, not like her shoes after a rave or something thatd straight up murder me, but like just in general i knew shed be kinda musky after an entire day of doing whatever and itd attract me anyway, but there was a limit of course, there were situatoins where something was too much, but in general one of the very few "bad" smells that i actually enjoyed
my other exes itd be like U SMELL OPEN THE WINDOW SHOWER WASH UR DICK WHAT THE FUCK, but in reality i knew they didnt smell that bad by normal people standards, its just cleaniness and smells trigger me sometimes and the gag relex is unbearable; im actually quite insecure about this, because this can like kill my vibe easily during sex for example, and then my partner might feel unattractive, and i do not want them to feel that way, cuz its like in my head bitch ok, or when we shower together i see that they are not as thorough as i am, and i know that my standards are there to fit my compulsions, and ughhhh the "water will get it" mfs are the worst, and then other peoples standards that are acceptable by society start triggering me and i think about them obsessively and i sense the fucking smell not as it is in reality but like some fucking delusion in my mind that makes me gag and feel like the musk is overcoming me holy shit traumatic lmao
i hate my own farts for example i open to window immediately, while most of the people i know will just fucking sit in their own fumes like its nothing weirdos
the fact that i wrote this big ass post about smells is definitely a sign that i need to get that checked out i know its related to my mental for shure lol |