alphacompton said:LightBladeNova said:
Finished Volume 1, was quite the entertaining read, but some of the prose/dialogue felt awkward and unnatural, especially coming from high school students... this might just be due to the English translation, but it was distracting sometimes. Know that I'm not saying that high schoolers aren't capable of using better vocabulary, but some lines just feel off nonetheless, in my opinion.
Like seriously (I'm mainly taking quotes from near the end of Volume 1, there are some more throughout the whole arc),
"Don't address Kazu-kun with such familiarity!" - Mogi, pg 185. ("with such familiarity" sounds awkward, I would've written something like "Don't talk as if you know Kazu-kun so well!" EDIT: Going through the text again, I wouldn't have written that sorry, cuz my revision doesn't refer to Maria's familiar addressing of Kazuki as "Kazuki", by first name; basically the two sentences mean different things in context. The original still sounds pretty awkward though)
"Do you know why I refrained, even though you were clearly a nuisance? - Mogi, pg 193. ("refrained" felt unnatural, just use "didn't" instead)
"I can't forgive the Rejecting Classroom that's so removed from everyday life!" - Kazuki, pg 201. ("that's so removed from everyday life" sounds dumb, not to mention anti-climactic. But if there has to be "everyday life" in there, then I would've written it like "I can't forgive the Rejecting Classroom for screwing up [my] everyday life!").
"I absolutely refuse to abandon you to solitude!" - Kazuki, pg 203. (aw hell, this was just the dumbest... seriously, try saying this out loud -___- didn't help that this line was repeated a few times. Should've just been something like "I will not [or won't] leave you alone like this!")
"If this is the Rejecting Classroom where everything is rendered void, then I can’t accept that. I have to engage in my genuine everyday life in order to protect the meaning of life. Therefore, I deny the box that denies true everyday life.” - Kazuki, pg 234. (not this again...this is less about the prose I guess, and more about just how awkward this sounds, even if it's a message I agree with)
"Kazu-kun, do you think there are unchanging
feelings?" - Mogi, pg 262. (eh, this one's okay I guess, but I feel that "do you think there are feelings that never change?" flows more smoothly, and just has a bit more impact. By the way though, the rest of this scene was great, no real complaints there)
Those are just a few of the awkward lines I encountered throughout the arc. If they don't sound awkward to you, then that's good for you then, but it was just a little distracting for me.
Besides that though, I did enjoy Volume 1 a lot, and am looking forward to reading the rest.
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I agree with you. There are a few places where I really didn't like the choice of words but that could be translation or English not being the first language issues.
I just finished the first novel and I think the story is nice but somehow not as impressive as I thought it would be. With over 27,000 days you'd expect some characters to get fleshed out more. Especially Mogi, I liked that Kazuki questioned how he felt about her but I disliked that he was pretty unclear about how he felt. I guess because his love was forced? He liked her or at least he really believed he did so I was confused as to why he was rejecting her, or maybe I'm thinking of Kokone? I could have sworn that he was lying on Mogi's lap at gym one time and he was very happy about it. You'd think this person wouldn't say no to the girl he likes, at least while ignorant of the Rejecting Classroom.