Do you require approval from your peers?

Sep 17, 2020 11:55 AM

Émilia Hoarfrost

Offline

Dec 2015

4322

Knowing the time I spend on Twitter, if I really needed approval from my peers I would since long have kicked the bucket or have killed myself.
My whole essence is all the time criticized to pieces.
I grew out of society very young. I literally grew on my computer. Meaning as an individualist, a consumerist, and a distant person. With such a background, you should expect some independence (individualism), and some lack of self-esteem (consumerism, distanciation and social awkwardness).

Sep 17, 2020 12:10 PM

#3

Butterfly_White

Offline

Dec 2010

2902

Nonsense. Western society will have liken you to not seek any approval at all but the truth is not the case. In fact, all of us seek approval to a degree whether you like it or not. It is approval from the right peers with the right values that we all seek. Don't tell me you do not want your boss giving you the thumbs up and the promotion coming. You will have to prove that you own both the character and skills required to be part of the team. No one goes around without any standard and requirements of any sort, if they do, they are just being oblivious.

And if by any chance, you meet someone who aren't willing to give you access to the group when you qualify somewhat, then it could jolly well be their loss. You either stand by what you came for or you go somewhere. But when everyone almost seems oblivious to this after all that "I don't give a fuck about every other person to the extreme degree", it's laughable they go on to set criteria on who they choose to be with. Certainly, not giving to every shit and demand is one thing, but to entirely disapprove that we as a society function based on who we value our time with, is to discredit the nature of humanity.

Now don't act like you don't want everyone to know you are a chad because you are doing so. It is not that difficult to understand.

Sep 17, 2020 12:17 PM

#4

Nette

Offline

May 2013

8272

Kinda grappling with this now.

I love the approval of others but I do know I have some stark negative marks on my reputation. People are in general really kind to me regardless of these negative aspects but they are still negative parts to my reputation that I have before tried to separate myself from.

Basically I have the approval of others when I feel like I don't deserve it. I also secretly desire the approval of others. I know I may seem like I have a don't give a fuck attitude but in reality I really do give some fucks.

♡ Harder Daddy ♡

Sep 17, 2020 12:26 PM

#5

SoftImpaler

Offline

Aug 2020

405

BannedAkko said:

So for example here on MAL I like to correct people who make the wrong assumptions about me. I don't correct everything becasue some stuff is just way too silly to even bother with. Some people mistake this as me needing approval from people. No, I just want to correct them.

Nobody is making the wrong assumptions about you, Akko. You have already made it very clear that you want everybody on MAL to know that you are a "chad" and not an incel. That behavior speaks volumes about your need for peer approval.

You can't expect us to believe that you don't care what people think of you when you go on to write a long thread thoroughly explaining why our approval means nothing to you. Am I the only one that sees the irony in this? If you didn't seek peer approval then you wouldn't go off on tangents every couple of days to "set the record straight" when somebody upsets you on MAL.

Sep 17, 2020 12:54 PM

#6

Kosmonaut

Offline

Feb 2019

4369

As a great little sourcerer once said to a space fiend on a communication wall:
'You're right. I don't need to [save face]. I choose to.'

save face idiom
to avoid having other people lose respect for oneself

respect noun
admiration felt or shown for someone or something that you believe has good ideas or qualities

approval noun
the belief that something or someone is good or acceptable; a good opinion of someone or something

And as @BrightFlashLight said, a big part of living in communities is wanting some degree of approval from whom we consider in high regard or equal to us. It just comes with the package. Not a whole lot of ways to run away from it. Even Tom Hanks' character wanted Wilson, the volleyball, to approve of him. And Tom Hanks' character was the epitome of Chad, I don't know about you.

KosmonautSep 17, 2020 1:01 PM

Sep 17, 2020 1:00 PM

#7

Zlyiond

Offline

Jul 2020

2838

No, who requires an approval from their friends when you can get source of approval from your waifu?

Sep 17, 2020 1:52 PM

#8

removed-user

Offline

Jul 2018

561867

BrightFlashLight said:
Nonsense. Western society will have liken you to not seek any approval at all but the truth is not the case. In fact, all of us seek approval to a degree whether you like it or not. It is approval from the right peers with the right values that we all seek. Don't tell me you do not want your boss giving you the thumbs up and the promotion coming. You will have to prove that you own both the character and skills required to be part of the team. No one goes around without any standard and requirements of any sort, if they do, they are just being oblivious.

And if by any chance, you meet someone who aren't willing to give you access to the group when you qualify somewhat, then it could jolly well be their loss. You either stand by what you came for or you go somewhere. But when everyone almost seems oblivious to this after all that "I don't give a fuck about every other person to the extreme degree", it's laughable they go on to set criteria on who they choose to be with. Certainly, not giving to every shit and demand is one thing, but to entirely disapprove that we as a society function based on who we value our time with, is to discredit the nature of humanity.

Now don't act like you don't want everyone to know you are a chad because you are doing so. It is not that difficult to understand.

How is wanting people to know that I am a chad not an incel wanting approval though? It’s a very black and white thing. Either I am a chad or I am not. Either I am an incel or I am not. The definition of an incel is a person who cannot get any access to sex despite wanting / craving it. The definition of a chad is a guy with a normal sex life. I have a fiancée and we have sex and I also have sex with other people. That makes me a chad. I don’t need any approval for that.

As for the job / boss example I am the type to just move to another job because they always make it clear that they have no intentions of allowing me to progress not matter how much better I am than everyone else. My CV is extensive I’ve been working since I was 18. Turning 34 on the 26th of this month. I don’t care for their approval either I just need them to not discipline me or fire me unfairly. If someone / anyone I know irl finds out about some part of my life that I didn’t want them to know about I am not going I stop just because they found out and disapprove. I will continue on because it works for me not for them.

SoftImpaler said:

BannedAkko said:

So for example here on MAL I like to correct people who make the wrong assumptions about me. I don't correct everything becasue some stuff is just way too silly to even bother with. Some people mistake this as me needing approval from people. No, I just want to correct them.

Nobody is making the wrong assumptions about you, Akko. You have already made it very clear that you want everybody on MAL to know that you are a "chad" and not an incel. That behavior speaks volumes about your need for peer approval.

You can't expect us to believe that you don't care what people think of you when you go on to write a long thread thoroughly explaining why our approval means nothing to you. Am I the only one that sees the irony in this? If you didn't seek peer approval then you wouldn't go off on tangents every couple of days to "set the record straight" when somebody upsets you on MAL.

See my reply to brighrtflashlight above. Same reply goes to you but I’ll also add this -

I find that I can express myself best through writing (and also quite well through speaking and music). I have been posting on MAL for 11 months and I have 3k posts already. This isn’t even my first rodeo. I have been posting on other accounts online for years. I just like to write things out. I can make my posts as long as I want. I don’t sit there and think to myself, “How can I make every post one paragraph max?” Why does the amount of words I write have any relevance to wanting or needing approval? Makes no sense.

removed-userSep 17, 2020 2:14 PM

Sep 17, 2020 1:55 PM

#9

caprisan

Offline

Mar 2016

3684

Yes, I have a strict asian mother or a tiger mother so yes.

just wanna feel wanted by someone other than the police 😫

Sep 17, 2020 1:57 PM

#10

deg

lagom

Online

Jan 2009

107498

i voted it depends since ye sometimes i seek approval or validation especially on the internet but that is not always the case and im more affected by negativity of my low self esteem

lol did you made this thread dude because i guess on your other thread that try googling approval seeking? btw i do not mean it in a negative way to you back then i was just observing you like to prove all the haters wrong so persistently thats why i said that

Sep 17, 2020 2:11 PM

#11

removed-user

Offline

Jul 2018

561867

deg said:
i voted it depends since ye sometimes i seek approval or validation especially on the internet but that is not always the case and im more affected by negativity of my low self esteem

lol did you made this thread dude because i guess on your other thread that try googling approval seeking? btw i do not mean it in a negative way to you back then i was just observing you like to prove all the haters wrong so persistently thats why i said that

Eh? I don’t know what you are even talking about it’s nothing to do with you. But a few other people on MAL have made out that I am seeking approval / validation. They don’t understand that I have been doing these things for years even before I heard about MAL. I’m literally just sharing my experiences with you guys. It’s not bragging or flexing or approval seeking or anything like that. It is simply sharing and correcting people who get me all wrong. Apparently someone with experiences such as mine wouldn’t come on an anime forum and share. Well I guess I am the exception. There is a version of me that I see and there is a version of me that each person who is aware of my existence sees. I know me better than anyone else does but people on MAL have trouble understanding that.

Sep 17, 2020 2:44 PM

#12

deg

lagom

Online

Jan 2009

107498

BannedAkko said:

deg said:
i voted it depends since ye sometimes i seek approval or validation especially on the internet but that is not always the case and im more affected by negativity of my low self esteem

lol did you made this thread dude because i guess on your other thread that try googling approval seeking? btw i do not mean it in a negative way to you back then i was just observing you like to prove all the haters wrong so persistently thats why i said that

Eh? I don’t know what you are even talking about it’s nothing to do with you. But a few other people on MAL have made out that I am seeking approval / validation. They don’t understand that I have been doing these things for years even before I heard about MAL. I’m literally just sharing my experiences with you guys. It’s not bragging or flexing or approval seeking or anything like that. It is simply sharing and correcting people who get me all wrong. Apparently someone with experiences such as mine wouldn’t come on an anime forum and share. Well I guess I am the exception. There is a version of me that I see and there is a version of me that each person who is aware of my existence sees. I know me better than anyone else does but people on MAL have trouble understanding that.

ah ok guess you did not remember that i think i mentioned approval seeking tendencies on that chad are despise question thread

and i even posted this ED there if im right

but approval seeking is not necessarily bad especially in healthy or moderate amounts its just part of human behavior and to me it sometimes helpful to be a better person

Sep 17, 2020 2:49 PM

#13

Meusnier

Offline

Jun 2019

6748

Yes of course, not from Internet strangers, but from my sensei and a few other people (not including my parents lol; stopping to care about their opinions is difficult though). I really thought that Japanese were joking about their will not to disappoint their senpai-gata, but at least not disappointing my sensei is clearly something important to me. Here, I am only speaking about professional approval for I could not care less about other forms of social approval.

Where are the "no" replies who want to play cool?

CURRENT EVENTS CLUB.

Sep 17, 2020 3:03 PM

#14

JomyS

Offline

Feb 2020

544

If it;s somthing I want to do then no, if i'm unsure then approval from peers is helpful.

IT'S NEVER OGRE

Sep 17, 2020 3:13 PM

#15

removed-user

Offline

Jul 2018

561867

I guess you have to give people the benefit of the doubt. I find myself very critical of others but it's a reflection of my own self criticism so I just work on that I guess. I only tend to become very insecure around people that mean a lot to me so I start feeling doubtful of their care if they dont explicitly state it. this goes back a long way to how I grew up.

Sep 17, 2020 3:18 PM

#16

swivel

Offline

Jun 2020

2218

Depends, I grew up surrounded by people and I was never really addicted videogames, etc. I've always had a great social life and I guess I require approval from my peers at times, it's just the way I'm used to. I also ask my friends to make certain decisions for me when I'm indecisive.

❏ ❐ ❑ ❒

Sep 17, 2020 3:49 PM

#17

Butterfly_White

Offline

Dec 2010

2902

BannedAkko said:

BrightFlashLight said:
Nonsense. Western society will have liken you to not seek any approval at all but the truth is not the case. In fact, all of us seek approval to a degree whether you like it or not. It is approval from the right peers with the right values that we all seek. Don't tell me you do not want your boss giving you the thumbs up and the promotion coming. You will have to prove that you own both the character and skills required to be part of the team. No one goes around without any standard and requirements of any sort, if they do, they are just being oblivious.

And if by any chance, you meet someone who aren't willing to give you access to the group when you qualify somewhat, then it could jolly well be their loss. You either stand by what you came for or you go somewhere. But when everyone almost seems oblivious to this after all that "I don't give a fuck about every other person to the extreme degree", it's laughable they go on to set criteria on who they choose to be with. Certainly, not giving to every shit and demand is one thing, but to entirely disapprove that we as a society function based on who we value our time with, is to discredit the nature of humanity.

Now don't act like you don't want everyone to know you are a chad because you are doing so. It is not that difficult to understand.

How is wanting people to know that I am a chad not an incel wanting approval though? It’s a very black and white thing. Either I am a chad or I am not. Either I am an incel or I am not. The definition of an incel is a person who cannot get any access to sex despite wanting / craving it. The definition of a chad is a guy with a normal sex life. I have a fiancée and we have sex and I also have sex with other people. That makes me a chad. I don’t need any approval for that.

As for the job / boss example I am the type to just move to another job because they always make it clear that they have no intentions of allowing me to progress not matter how much better I am than everyone else. My CV is extensive I’ve been working since I was 18. Turning 34 on the 26th of this month. I don’t care for their approval either I just need them to not discipline me or fire me unfairly. If someone / anyone I know irl finds out about some part of my life that I didn’t want them to know about I am not going I stop just because they found out and disapprove. I will continue on because it works for me not for them.

Seriously, I need to lay it out for you, don't I. I never said that you are not a chad. It is like you said. Either you are there or you are not. The problem lies that you do not understand how your repeated action of posting threads to clarify this with people do implies a need for approval. It is not like people do not get it. They are just not aligned with certain values of yours, like cheating and boasting. I, for one, do not see a problem with you, wanting to show yourself as a young attractive black man, but certainly, your view on women sometime, is very typical of almost what is being fed by other people, in other words, negative stereotypes.

I do understand you have problems with your work place and not getting where you want. That statement is just an example to illustrate a point, if by ideal standards, your superior will accord you the well-deserved rewards. I'm sure you get this. I mean don't you want it if you can get it.

Please, at least reflect for yourself on your own actions, you are indeed implying a certain need for approval when you constantly berating on the misunderstandings from others. The truth is you don't really need to do it that much. If they don't get it, further action with people is still likely to result in the same course of outcome. Unless of course, you like being opposed to and love drama, and I can understand that too. In fact, it is pretty interesting for me to watch your hot and beautiful love between you and the denizens of MAL. I'm sure you might just enjoy this. And the good thing is that I will learn something too.

Sep 17, 2020 8:14 PM

#18

AxBattler

Offline

Dec 2014

1170

My short reply would be it depends.

It's your free time, and needless to say, entirely up to you how you want to spend it. But personally, I am not sure what good comes from trying to correct people's assumption you disagree with in an online forum full of people who come and go.

I think it is pretty reasonable to take anything random people online say with a pinch of salt or two. Anyone can claim whatever they want, and not everyone post in good faith too (sometime it is hard to tell the trolls from folks who legitimately hold vastly controversial views). And once people have made up their mind, no wall of text is going to convince them otherwise either. So do not seek approval with an online community. I will follow the rules set by the community since I agreed to them on signing up, but nothing more.

As far as RL friends I do not seek approval per se, but I will talk over any criticisms. If I think it is down to a misunderstanding, then I will explain, and if not, I may, or may not act upon the feedback upon after going over it. But this is less to do with changing my views or action to gain approval but I am convinced that it is an improvement over prior beliefs.

The workplace is likely the only place where I place some importance on other's approval. I won't do anything for approval, but since it is a job I signed up for and I am getting paid for it, I will endeavour to get the job done. That said, I've been running my own business for the last few years, and do not need to worry about getting the boss' approval. I do care about customer approval (service industry), and the employees' since it is better to have motivated employees (though if I have to put my foot down, I'll do so).

Sep 17, 2020 8:23 PM

#19

Megatronsmurf

Offline

Aug 2020

548

no lol . I never have, it's been a mistake of my peers to think so. I don't blame them they're just guilty of thinking we're the same. Doesn't mean peers can't make things difficult or more enjoyable.

Sep 17, 2020 8:29 PM

#20

Theonewhorules

Offline

Jul 2016

1469

No it's so bad to want that. i watch anime and wear weird clothes. Ofc my peers don't like me and that's their loss

Sep 17, 2020 8:34 PM

#21

removed-user

Offline

Jul 2018

561867

It's nice once in a while from like-minded people but for me it's not a necessity. So I guess depend.

Sep 17, 2020 9:01 PM

#22

Indochina

Offline

Jan 2020

566

BannedAkko said:
Even if the whole world is against me if I feel that it is worth it for me to pursue something then I will do it as long as it isn't going to land me in jail or get me injured or killed or directly harm anybody else.

What does peer mean? The way you describe it in your example, it means everyone except yourself, but I wonder if that was what you were going for. Close friends or family members?

I have two friends whose opinions I value highly, then a small group of eight or so people I look up to, but question. In my head, peer means everyone else. Can I value the feelings of a people I can't describe?

Meusnier said:
Here, I am only speaking about professional approval for I could not care less about other forms of social approval.

Adding onto this, a good coach or boss is really valuable when you lose your cool, and you're going to lose your cool if you want to improve. I'm reminded of the following scene from Ping Pong's fourth episode.

Sep 17, 2020 11:20 PM

#23

Meusnier

Offline

Jun 2019

6748

Indochina said:

BannedAkko said:
Even if the whole world is against me if I feel that it is worth it for me to pursue something then I will do it as long as it isn't going to land me in jail or get me injured or killed or directly harm anybody else.

What does peer mean? The way you describe it in your example, it means everyone except yourself, but I wonder if that was what you were going for. Close friends or family members?

I have two friends whose opinions I value highly, then a small group of eight or so people I look up to, but question. In my head, peer means everyone else. Can I value the feelings of a people I can't describe?

Meusnier said:
Here, I am only speaking about professional approval for I could not care less about other forms of social approval.

Adding onto this, a good coach or boss is really valuable when you lose your cool, and you're going to lose your cool if you want to improve. I'm reminded of the following scene from Ping Pong's fourth episode.

To me, the word peers does not even mean boss because I do not really have one. But those who have achieved mastery in my academic field serve as peers to me. This is really common, and even Laurent Schwartz told in his autobiography how he changes his behaviour drastically after a colleague told him that he was not working anymore and was only invested into political activities.

By the way, would you unironically recommend this anime?

CURRENT EVENTS CLUB.

Sep 18, 2020 3:51 AM

#24

removed-user

Offline

Jul 2018

561867

deg said:

BannedAkko said:

Eh? I don’t know what you are even talking about it’s nothing to do with you. But a few other people on MAL have made out that I am seeking approval / validation. They don’t understand that I have been doing these things for years even before I heard about MAL. I’m literally just sharing my experiences with you guys. It’s not bragging or flexing or approval seeking or anything like that. It is simply sharing and correcting people who get me all wrong. Apparently someone with experiences such as mine wouldn’t come on an anime forum and share. Well I guess I am the exception. There is a version of me that I see and there is a version of me that each person who is aware of my existence sees. I know me better than anyone else does but people on MAL have trouble understanding that.

ah ok guess you did not remember that i think i mentioned approval seeking tendencies on that chad are despise question thread

and i even posted this ED there if im right

[yt]4HwM9PAxyt]

but approval seeking is not necessarily bad especially in healthy or moderate amounts its just part of human behavior and to me it sometimes helpful to be a better person

I remember the video now and I also remember that it didn’t make any sense to me so I swiftly moved on and forgot all about it. I don’t need approval from people because the only approval that matters is God’s. And I already know that God doesn’t approve of many of the things that I do but I still do them so why would I try to please man if I can’t even please God? Makes no sense.

My mother didn’t approve of me wanting to join the military but guess what happened? My mother didn’t approve of me getting a place with my fiancée but guess what happened? If I don’t seek approval from my own parents then why would I seek approval from weebs on MAL?

@ MAL forums - please get some self-awareness. I am interested in your opinions and your thoughts and your experiences but I think I am fine doing what I do without any of you having any direct influence on me.

BrightFlashLight said:

BannedAkko said:

How is wanting people to know that I am a chad not an incel wanting approval though? It’s a very black and white thing. Either I am a chad or I am not. Either I am an incel or I am not. The definition of an incel is a person who cannot get any access to sex despite wanting / craving it. The definition of a chad is a guy with a normal sex life. I have a fiancée and we have sex and I also have sex with other people. That makes me a chad. I don’t need any approval for that.

As for the job / boss example I am the type to just move to another job because they always make it clear that they have no intentions of allowing me to progress not matter how much better I am than everyone else. My CV is extensive I’ve been working since I was 18. Turning 34 on the 26th of this month. I don’t care for their approval either I just need them to not discipline me or fire me unfairly. If someone / anyone I know irl finds out about some part of my life that I didn’t want them to know about I am not going I stop just because they found out and disapprove. I will continue on because it works for me not for them.

Seriously, I need to lay it out for you, don't I. I never said that you are not a chad. It is like you said. Either you are there or you are not. The problem lies that you do not understand how your repeated action of posting threads to clarify this with people do implies a need for approval. It is not like people do not get it. They are just not aligned with certain values of yours, like cheating and boasting. I, for one, do not see a problem with you, wanting to show yourself as a young attractive black man, but certainly, your view on women sometime, is very typical of almost what is being fed by other people, in other words, negative stereotypes.

I do understand you have problems with your work place and not getting where you want. That statement is just an example to illustrate a point, if by ideal standards, your superior will accord you the well-deserved rewards. I'm sure you get this. I mean don't you want it if you can get it.

Please, at least reflect for yourself on your own actions, you are indeed implying a certain need for approval when you constantly berating on the misunderstandings from others. The truth is you don't really need to do it that much. If they don't get it, further action with people is still likely to result in the same course of outcome. Unless of course, you like being opposed to and love drama, and I can understand that too. In fact, it is pretty interesting for me to watch your hot and beautiful love between you and the denizens of MAL. I'm sure you might just enjoy this. And the good thing is that I will learn something too.

You never said that I am not a chad but plenty of others said I am not a chad and not only that they said I am an incel. And so I correct them and give examples of how I am actually not an incel but a chad. They also said I was misogynist aswell and I made clarifications on that too. People keep advising me to ignore these allegations but why? How does that help me? Why shouldn’t I defend myself? And why does me defending myself make me boastful or approval seeking? Makes no sense. And speaking of things that make no sense - why does showing a picture of myself online freak out so many weebs? I’m not the only person online who has showed a picture of them self. People said it’s creepy. People said it’s fake. People said a lot of shit.

I self reflect and have more self awareness than most. I’m pretty sure of that. My primary cognitive function is introverted sensing lol. Not many on MAL have suggested something to me that I haven’t already thought about extensively.

removed-userSep 18, 2020 4:00 AM

Sep 18, 2020 4:43 AM

#25

Butterfly_White

Offline

Dec 2010

2902

@BannedAkko

Why don't you start by telling me your thought process on why you can't ignore those allegations and must defend it at all cost? I think I have an idea but it's best to ask to be sure.

Sep 18, 2020 6:04 AM

#26

SoftImpaler

Offline

Aug 2020

405

BannedAkko said:
And speaking of things that make no sense - why does showing a picture of myself online freak out so many weebs? I’m not the only person online who has showed a picture of them self. People said it’s creepy. People said it’s fake. People said a lot of shit.

Nobody would care if it was just a picture of your face. But rather you are using a picture of yourself(?) with your face covered and showing only your low-riding boxers and your bare chest in fruitless attempt to convince us that you are a 'chad'. MAL isn’t Tinder; I don’t understand how you can be so ingenuous to not realize how out of place it looks on an anime forum.

BannedAkko said:
I self reflect and have more self awareness than most. I’m pretty sure of that.

I hate to use the word ‘irony’ again in the same thread, but I can’t think of a better word to describe this.

BannedAkko said:
Not many on MAL have suggested something to me that I haven’t already thought about extensively.

Have you tried self-awareness? One of the benefits of it is that it allows you take a step back and try to understand why others may perceive you in a negative light.

SoftImpalerSep 18, 2020 6:56 AM

Sep 18, 2020 9:43 AM

#27

removed-user

Offline

Jul 2018

561867

BrightFlashLight said:
@BannedAkko

Why don't you start by telling me your thought process on why you can't ignore those allegations and must defend it at all cost? I think I have an idea but it's best to ask to be sure.

Already did. Right here in this thread. Even in my reply to you. Even in my new signature quote - "If I don’t defend myself then who will defend me? You? Didn’t think so."

SoftImpaler said:

BannedAkko said:
And speaking of things that make no sense - why does showing a picture of myself online freak out so many weebs? I’m not the only person online who has showed a picture of them self. People said it’s creepy. People said it’s fake. People said a lot of shit.

Nobody would care if it was just a picture of your face. But rather you are using a picture of yourself(?) with your face covered and showing only your low-riding boxers and your bare chest in fruitless attempt to convince us that you are a 'chad'. MAL isn’t Tinder; I don’t understand how you can be so ingenuous to not realize how out of place it looks on an anime forum.

BannedAkko said:
I self reflect and have more self awareness than most. I’m pretty sure of that.

I hate to use the word ‘irony’ again in the same thread, but I can’t think of a better word to describe this.

BannedAkko said:
Not many on MAL have suggested something to me that I haven’t already thought about extensively.

Have you tried self-awareness? One of the benefits of it is that it allows you take a step back and try to understand why others may perceive you in a negative light.

Is it out of place? Whether it is or isn't doesn't actually matter. Is it the only avatar out of place by your standards? No it isn't. Are you picking on anybody else for their avatar? No, just me. I use the same pics for my avatar as I use other places online where people fawn all over me. To me it is interesting to see how people from one community react to the pictures compared to another community. This is my way of experimenting and analyzing people and behaviours and attitudes. I'm always looking at how things and people work. I'm always conducting experiments and research and making notes to myself. Alot of my threads are just an excuse for me to learn more about how people think. I have said before that the only statistics that I trust are the ones that I gather myself.

As far as I'm concerned you can't please everyone. I'm not trying to please everyone or get everyone's approval. The ones who see me in a negative light all have their own problems which are visible to me right here on MAL. These people have all posted about their own issues. Issues that I do not have or have already gotten over in the past. I guess to put it another way these are just people who are jealous / envious etc. People who 'hate us cos they ain't us.' People who don't like the idea that someone else is doing better than they are. That someone else is happy and contented. I've said it before and I'll say it again - that's not my problem. I don't look at other people I look at myself. Self-awareness. Self-reflection. I don't give a shit about what this person and that person does or doesn't do. I am only interested in their thoughts and opinions. I celebrate the differences between people I don't get jealous, I don't suck up, I don't gossip none of that shit. I just live and let live and try to get on with everyone. You won't see me trying to bully someone or anything like that. Being self-aware also means that I can know that someone perceives me a certain way and still not give a fuck about their perception. If I carry on regardless that means I don't care what you / they think. If I was approval seeking I would be like, "Well I better not do that again because so and so said it was cringe last time." Being self-aware means that I can spot social cues and ignore / override them intentionally. Being self-aware means I can listen and act like I am not listening. I can see and act like I didn't notice. Being self-aware means that I can sense changes in mood, atmosphere, behavior, pattern. Being self-aware means that I can sense when something isn't right or is out of place or something has changed. To me it is funny when people on MAL say that I lack self-awareness. It is not I who is lacking it is they. If they had self-awareness they wouldn't make assumptions they would make observations. As I do.

removed-userSep 18, 2020 10:33 AM

Sep 18, 2020 9:47 AM

#28

SoftImpaler

Offline

Aug 2020

405

BannedAkko said:

Are you picking on anybody else for their avatar? No, just me.

Nobody else is posing half naked in their avatar Akko.

Sep 18, 2020 9:50 AM

#29

removed-user

Offline

Jul 2018

561867

SoftImpaler said:

BannedAkko said:

Are you picking on anybody else for their avatar? No, just me.

Nobody else is posing half naked in their avatar Akko.

Why does this bother you so much? Never seen a topless guy before?

Sep 18, 2020 10:37 AM

#30

Indochina

Offline

Jan 2020

566

Meusnier said:

Indochina said:

What does peer mean? The way you describe it in your example, it means everyone except yourself, but I wonder if that was what you were going for. Close friends or family members?

I have two friends whose opinions I value highly, then a small group of eight or so people I look up to, but question. In my head, peer means everyone else. Can I value the feelings of a people I can't describe?

Adding onto this, a good coach or boss is really valuable when you lose your cool, and you're going to lose your cool if you want to improve. I'm reminded of the following scene from Ping Pong's fourth episode.

To me, the word peers does not even mean boss because I do not really have one. But those who have achieved mastery in my academic field serve as peers to me. This is really common, and even Laurent Schwartz told in his autobiography how he changes his behaviour drastically after a colleague told him that he was not working anymore and was only invested into political activities.

By the way, would you unironically recommend this anime?

If you aren't picky about the artstyle, it's worth watching at least the first six episodes, because the sixth is my favorite.

Sep 18, 2020 2:44 PM

#31

Meusnier

Offline

Jun 2019

6748

Indochina said:

Meusnier said:

To me, the word peers does not even mean boss because I do not really have one. But those who have achieved mastery in my academic field serve as peers to me. This is really common, and even Laurent Schwartz told in his autobiography how he changes his behaviour drastically after a colleague told him that he was not working anymore and was only invested into political activities.

By the way, would you unironically recommend this anime?

If you aren't picky about the artstyle, it's worth watching at least the first six episodes, because the sixth is my favorite.

Thanks a lot for the recommendation, I liked a lot Aku no Hana so the art style and animation should not be a problem.

CURRENT EVENTS CLUB.

Sep 18, 2020 8:35 PM

#32

oysterscallop

Offline

Dec 2019

240

yea ngl I do seek approval or validation from people around me, it's a nice and almost addictive feeling to be acknowledged by others. but I don't exactly "require" it nor do I actively seek it. so basically I seek it but to a reasonable extent

Sep 19, 2020 1:19 AM

#33

decayedangels

Offline

Mar 2019

382

For work-related shit, yes because I always work on two braincells and things go bad if someone doesn't validate my choices or evaluate my performance. Otherwise, not really. I do feel nice about myself if people do compliment me and I always return the favor.

Sep 19, 2020 1:53 AM

#34

Ryuk9428

Offline

Mar 2019

4049

I seek approval from a small group of people but generally disregard the majority.

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Sep 19, 2020 2:06 AM

#35

Kyotosomo

YouTuber / VA

Offline

Aug 2017

1871

No, unless it's going to negatively impact your career you should not give a shit what others think about you (other than of course wanting to become a better overall person for your loved ones, do of course try to be aware of how you treat them and consider their feelings about said treatment).

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