Report Yardhouse12's Profile

"While the subject of manga and anime will continue to focus on juveniles, adolescents, and comers-of-age; adult, mature characters bring with them more fleshed-out pasts, regrets, and higher stakes."

"I once heard a philosopher say our relationships are reality, so family, our most profound and consequential relationships, set our reality."

Emotional development doesn't happen by itself. Many of us are brought up in environments that shield us from extreme emotional situations, and as guys we are often told "man up, don't be so sensitive" by our father figures and as a result we learn to avoid emotions. For me specifically, it was never that I was "insensitive" only that I became adept at avoiding any situation that would connect me emotionally to anything, and anything that I did encounter that affected me, I would distance myself from so quickly that it never really registered as anything deeper than "stress." This was my default state for a long time without me even realizing it, through all my teens and on through my 20's.
Planes crash into the World Trade Center? Blah, that sucks. On with my day. Grandparent or aunt dies? Oh well, such is life. New niece? Cute. When's dinner?

But something happens somewhere between being set adrift into the real world and becoming responsible for the feelings of others. A slow and gradual shift that is kind of scary and you may find yourself trying to push it away. That niece who was born becomes a little older and starts clinging to your hand and looking up at you like a hero everywhere you go. You realize after a few arguments with your SO that you aren't the "cool, mature one" in your relationship, that your behavior is going to jeopardize the only good things you have made for yourself. You begin to feel time slipping away and those twinges of stress become stark moments of terror that make your eyes fly open in the middle of the night. Mortality begins to feel far more real than it ever did before.

You will lose things. You may have lost things before, maybe those things weren't essential to your life and comfort and you didn't worry because you had a support system then and knew you would be fine. Now, as you get older, you realize you are becoming the support system for others, and losses are up to you to manage and solve. You will learn that you will not accomplish your goals in life. You will have to find new meaning and purpose.
By the time I had gone through my 30's and had dealt with losing a home, a vehicle, losing my parents and family members to drinking, nearly losing myself to drinking, gaining a new family and nieces and nephews who adored me, navigating all the pitfalls and perils of marriage and changing my focus in life to make sure that my own home and environment were a sanctuary and doing everything I can to fight for that peace, I now find myself an emotional eggshell.

I'll break down from an emotional movie as soon as the music gets sappy. And you know what?
It's great. It really does feel good after a while to let this emotional state in. I don't have anyone who will condemn me for crying while reading a book or talking to a kitten. It's like a high of sorts, but it takes time to get here.