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From: A.R
I've suffered from an Anxiety disorder my entire life. I'm not sure when it developed, or if I was just born with it. But it has made my life hell, and through this story, I hope I can help someone else that may find themselves in the same or a similar position. Growing up, I found it impossible to fit in with any of the "groups" in my school. From the time I started school, I cycled through every single group available to me - the skaters, the straight a students, the rebels -, I was so desperate to be accepted that I did things I shouldn't have just to fit in. Stealing from the teacher is just one example of these things. As time passed, I became isolated despite being surrounded by so many others every day. My grandmother was my guardian at the time, and after begging and pleading, she agreed to enroll me in home school. This was in sixth grade.

Ever since that day, my life has taken a downward spiral. I've become more isolated; the only people I talk to are online, and my disorder makes even that hard to do - I'm constantly questioning myself, and I still haven't found a place to call my own. Friends who aren't really friends - they don't know anything about me, and if they found out, they'd leave just like everyone else has. History always repeats itself, doesn't it? Everyday, I wake up late in the afternoon, I eat, play video games, watch anime, and mess around online. Sounds like a dream, right? In some sense, I suppose I'm... lucky? Blessed? I don't know what to call it.

But no one knows the other side of the coin. They just hear that and think, "Oh she's lucky. What is she complaining about? She's not mentally ill, she's just lazy." My mental illness is very real. But that's not the point. Believe me or not, it makes no difference. What I'm trying to say is that... the other side of the coin is painful. A quote from Fairy Tail pretty much sums up my feelings perfectly.

“There are people in this world that enjoy being alone, but there isn't a single person that can bear solitude.” - Makarov Dreyar

Oh, how right he is. I always told myself that I'd be fine. "I enjoy being alone. I don't like the way people make me feel. I'm fine." While it's true that I prefer being alone rather than being around a bunch of people... spending my life alone, stuck to this chair with no one to speak to about my feelings. It's like stepping on glass every time I talk to someone.

I know this is a lot to take in, and it's probably depressing to. But it's important. To anyone that may be struggling or share any of these feelings, please don't give in. Please don't let it take you over. Don't give up, keep fighting and do what I wasn't strong enough to do, what I was too afraid to do. Those suffering from mental illness, remain strong. Don't care what others say or think about you. Your illness is real, and it genuinely affects you, don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise, and don't feel insecure about yourself. Every single one of you are special and precious, and you deserve all the happiness in the world, even if you don't believe it. You're not alone.

From: Q
Suicide. I know that suicide is an act of coward. And I'm too much of a coward to even commit it. Yet everytime I feel down, my thoughts are drawn to suicide. I thought, like in anime and books, my relatives, friends, family, will miss me. That's what I want to believe. But I don't know if it's really true. There're so many facades that we can hide behind and I'm not a detective. I don't know which ones are real and which ones aren't. And that scares me. It's almost like natural instincts that makes people want to be noticed, to be the center of someone else's attention. I'm one of them. I want someone to know my existence, to love me, to care for me, and to miss me if I do die. I don't know how to confirm it. I can't just walk up to them and ask them if they'll miss me if I die. I'm not that sentimental, at least I don't think I am in their eyes. They'll think I'm mental or something. I want to be normal. But pressure is everywhere and coming from everyone. I don't know what to do.

One day I'll never wake up and finally be happy

Is that really the truth? If I don't wake up, how will I be happy? Will I really be happy? I don't know.
It scares me.
I tell myself that I am not scared of dying.
I don't know if that's the truth or just myself trying to be ignorantly brave.
But it doesn't matter anymore.
I find joy in my every day life. I find that if I just emerse myself in my life, to just feel the friendships, the love I feel I'm receiving, and give it my very best, my life will be meaningful -- even if it's only to me.
It's hard not to care about what others think of you, but I'm trying. I'm trying to be indifferent. But is that really the solution? I questioned myself numerous times, but never once receiving a satisfying response. The answer is more than 'Yes' and 'No'. It can't be answered that simply.
So, I guess, if you put a smile on your face each day and give it your best, you will feel better. It wouldn't be fine, heck, no, it wouldn't be all right either. But it'll be better. Find inner satisfication in everything, and...I guess, just pray.
Praying won't work, I know, but at least there's something that keeps you alive. Even if it's no more than a thin thread that's ready to snap.
Hang on to that until it really snaps.
And then, hopefully, your life wouldn't be regretful.

From: The Pink Fluff
I've a crush on this guy for like 2 years but I don't think he'd really notice me. I sat next to him before but like, I don't know if I'm more to him than the 'smart kid next door'. So once this other kid asked him who he would choose to take to a dance, if he has to go to one. And he said my name. Okay, I freaked out. I really did. But then I remembered that there was this other kid who has the same name as me that's like really good friend with the guy. I don't know who he's talking about, me or the other one. So out of embarrassment, I said 'the other one' out loud. This other person at my table heard it and he thought I said 'rejected' and he started laughing. I'm sure the guy I had a crush on heard it as 'rejected' as well.
Now that I think about it, maybe he really meant me. And my fake 'rejected' just kind of ruined it.. *hides face* God I feel so bad everytime I think about it.

From: Tsuka
I rlly like these songs. I think they aren't getting enough popularity. So here:
> Arrows to Athen <
> Angel with a shotgun <

From: Pseudolol
Um. Dunno wat to say. California's really hot. So. Bring sunscreen, and like, hats. Don't go to the beach unless you want to burn yourself. Wish we have a flood. It might be fun to feel water like that. And get an AC. Wonder if Florida is hotter than Cal.

From: Autumnisthebest
Beijing's getting more and more polluted. I was there about seven years ago. It was so amazing back then. I remember going there wanting to see snow for the first time. It didn't snow. But there was ice. Not exactly satisfying but okay lolz. We ate a whole week of fastfood. It was amazing. Chinese food is always amazing for me anyways. We walked so much that my feet were sore. We climbed the great wall too. Got a medal (the one where you have to buy and not exactly worth it) even though I barely made it halfway to the second dome thing. it was fun anyways. Should go if you have the chance. Yeah, the duck's amazing too. And the lights at night. I don't know how it's now, but I hope it's still livable.

October 2017
Woohoo. We're finally heading into October! Since our newsletter doesn't really contain summarizing materials, it's not exactly logical to distribute it at the end of each month. Anyway, with that said, this is our second issue ❤. The last issue has been a pretty decent success, but like always, we're always looking for more submissions to amp up our publication. After reconsideration and to promote more submissions, we've decided to make the submissions entirely annonymous: through google form. It's entirely optional and your choice to put down your MAL username or not. We hope that by doing so it will encourage more people to submit So do remember to send your submissions to this form before our next issue!

Halloween is drawing near! In case you haven't seen our Halloween special slip, do check it out here!

Club Info:
I'm going to start off by saying that thank you all for joining this club and it's only with your help that we managed to reach 300 members! so cheesy
Secondly thank you for all those who had applied as Cardmaker! The position is always open so if you're new to cardmaking, you can always apply to try out your skills ❤. If you're experienced, feel free to join as well~
In the future, we're planning little more activities involving other clubs. You might have noticed our recent cardmaker exchange program with Eye Candy Cards. I hope the cardmakers enjoyed the program and had fun! If you have any suggestions, please feel free to tell us!
Also, our halloween event is now open! Request a slip so that you can participate!

Sections:
- Club Info
- Submissions
- CCON story

From: Q
When I was seven, I thought I would be able to stay in the happy life I lived in. When I was eight, we moved. It was scary. Not like horror-story scary, but scary in a sense that everything would be lost: my life-long friends and the boy that I had a stupid crush on (even till today). In the short span of two years, I lost touch with them almost completedly. We're, after all, half a world apart. I don't really matter to them anymore.. They found new friends to replace me, new people to stand in my position. I don't blame them because I was doing the same. When I was thirteen, my parents almost decided to move to a place a little farther away. I was scared that I had to change school. In the end, we didn't move that far because they found a better house only two blocks down from where we lived. I think I was happy back then. I still think about the boy I had a crush on ages ago. We were in touch almost constantly since last month, texting back and forth about how things are, how life is, and how we are. I like him. I don't know if he likes me back, but I'm satisfied just to be able to talk to him.
And it's during that period of time that I really want to go back, to see them, to see him, again. It's funny because they probably barely remember what I look like and my name's probably a memory n their distant past. I really miss them. I really miss him.
I'm a pretty awkward person. I don't understand others that well and I try my best to keep everything I said gentle and kind because I don't want them to look hurt. But when he didn't reply to my text for a week, I wondered if he was getting bored of me, someone who lived so far away from him. That's when I realized how much I depend on others. I always try to be cool, to be a tomboy and be flawless. But it's always when I have someone else near me. I feel out of my comfort zone when I'm alone in a busy world. It's scary how dependent I am.
He texted me back a few days later with a smiley face and an apologetic note saying that he had major exams to take care of. I was happy. Beyond happy. I replied immediately, even though I knew that he wouldn't reply until almost a day later.
And I think, that was how my life has been: waiting for someone's reply, relying on my friends, awkwardly trying to strike up a conversation, and feeling left out every second of my life.
I kept telling myself that I have a lot of friends. Sure, I do, but when I looked around, they're all in pairs. Odd numbers, there was always an odd number of us. I remember for the past five years, I'd always made sure to be in a group of even numbers so that I wouldn't be left out when we had to pair up for whatever reason.
And as I was waiting for his text back, I went through the group chat my class created when I was seven. It was like a dead chat, because they'd stepped away from the old life I had hang onto for so long. Yet I still can't give up on them, because I still pray for the day that I can go back and see them again. Two days later, he returned the text. And I was happy once again.

From: Jhaz
As a kid my brother nd i were very close. When i was 4 and he was 6 we were playing a game. He climbed the window, jumped off and sprained his ankle. He was sent to the doctors and came back with crutches. I remember i took his crutches as he was using them and i used them to hit my brothers sprained ankle. He chased me hopping around on one leg while i was laughing. This september my family nd i sent him to college across the country. As we left him he hugged everyone and when it came to me he said "im not hugging this one" thats when i realized im a great sister!

From: Fana
I know this's probably stupid, but it's really something I want to get off my chest. Highschool sucks, really. Sure, you got friends and laughs out of it, but it's stressful. APs, competitions,
college, and pretty much everything else that highschool's really supposed to be for. It isn't for friendship and all that. Hell, if you get into different schools, that pitiful 4 years of friendship die almost completely with it. And god, all those lovey-dovey things. I'm not against them, really, I'm just saying how sad it is when they have to break up because of different school they go to. Things change, people changes. I hope I don't ever have to relive highschool again.

From: Kookie
I was never great at conversations. I don't start a conversation, I never do. I always answer a question and try to follow it up with something interesting. I'm awkward and pretty much anti-social except for the comfort MAL gave me. I don't understand people that much and my comments are sometimes rather blunt irl. I don't know what is right and what is not right. I want to be funny, likable, but I don't know if my supposed-funny comments are actually funny or they're just hurting others. They seem to like me, and I can say that I think I have friends. But I don't know after awhile. It makes me jealous to see my friends talking with other people. No, not exactly jealous, more like a pang of loneliness. Okay,
I'm being a little bit overdramatic. I'm really not great with people and I care too much about who I am, what I wear, and what I should be to others. The nice kid with strangers,
the funny kid with friends, the gentle and kind kid with new friends, and the funny but hardworking kid to adults. I think I care too much. Now, moving on to the boasts of existential crisis that often hits me right now when I'm thinking about life. Whenever I care too much, I would tell myself that nothing's real. No one else in the world is real, it's just you and you have to figure out the meaning of someone else's presence. Why do they exist? What do they mean in my life? I'm the only one playing this first-person virtual game.
I don't know if the other players are real or if they're NPC. I can't ask them, because they're 'programmed' to say things.
I really think I care too much. How do I stop caring?

From: Monoc
I have a brother. I'm always shadowed by my brother. He's the good-one, the nice guy, the cool guy, the cool guy. I'm constantly being compared to my brother, from his peers,
to my peers, and to my parents. But I like him nonetheless. It's kind of silly, because sometimes I'm so angry at him for such petty things and in the end we just laugh it off.
It's like I'm some sort of weed and he's like a pole. I use him to make me look better. Sometimes, I would introduce myself and then tell them that I'm his sister. It makes me feel good sometime, to know that I'm more to them after they know that I'm his sister. But at the same time, it makes me feel disgusted. Digusted that I can't make friends with my own ability, disgusted that I use others to make myself look better. I want to be better, but I don't know how to surpass him. He's older than me, more experienced, and much more easy-going. I feel like I can only ever stand in his shadow and try to pull myself up bits by bits, little by little.

From: Kookie
Reality is so much scarier than the virtual world. You know people, and you have to be friends with them to not become a 'social looser'. You have to care, you have to matter,
or you will fail the supposing 'natural selection'. MAL is like a home I never had, a place where I am accepted for whoever I am. I can fit in, I don't have to matter a lot to make friends. It's easy to go through and honestly, MAL has become something that I go to every time I have the chance. There're so many things that you have to show empathy or understanding to. School, hates, loves, teachers, friends, and so many other disastrous things that just simply complicated life. They say to face reality, but I think I understand why some simply don't want to. Reality is not what they want to face. At all.

Boku no Hero Academia Special Edition


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Books Special Edition


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