| This is the only way to release some stress that I could find right now since there is no one I could possibly talk to about this. My parents always start a fight after they've had a few drinks, well, it's my mother that always statrs the fight and my father isn't exactly a very tempered man(well, he is unless you step on his tail if you get what I mean). In the past when me and my brother where little(I was about 11 and he was about 6 years old), my father hit my mother(not like you see on tv, that leaves bruises the size of a house), but in the end he still hit her and since then I'm completely terrified every time they start a fight because my mother does not know when to stop and is always pushing my father to the limit(not that he's in the right but my mother isn't either). In my opinion when she gets a bit tipsy all she cares is about herself, we told her countless times that we are scared shitless about what may happen when one day my father finally snaps(he has a record of breaking things when he gets mad) and when we try to intervene in their fight it's suddenly our fault and we're siding with our father, infact we're just trying to prevent a disaster from happening. What do I do in these kinds of situations, I don't know how to make them both understand that they shouldn't fight and I know they won't divorce since it will be harder for me and my brother to live(actually I think the only reason my parents haven't divorced yet it's because of us). |
| just now my mother started the fight again. she always does this. my father stays upstaires, she goes downstaires for a few minutes and then comes back to finish the argument and she's always the only one screaming while my dad tries to ignore her(which is making her even madded since the argument is about him ignoring her) |
| you need to ignore the conscequences/forget about them at all, raise your voice and insult them to get their attention then talk to them but it has to be a harsh insult so that they are baffled by it so they can pay attention to you, altho in worst case they only focus on the insult and not on what you try to say so you should be prepared for that option and emphasize that they shouldnt focus on the insult but on your words and solution, also blame both if you believe both are guilty |
lots of music -  |
incisorr said: you need to ignore the conscequences/forget about them at all, raise your voice and insult them to get their attention then talk to them but it has to be a harsh insult so that they are baffled by it so they can pay attention to you, altho in worst case they only focus on the insult and not on what you try to say so you should be prepared for that option and emphasize that they shouldnt focus on the insult but on your words and solution, also blame both if you believe both are guilty i know i said my father once hit my mother, but it happened recently as well. he lost his cool and then tried to stranggle her. in my panic, i jumped to help my mother and punched my father a few times, which resulted in him changing his targer on me. after that my father realised what he had done and left home for a few hours to let everithing cool down. so sorry but i'm not trying that again. |
PeripheralVision said: May I suggest contacting a hotline for these sorts of things? I'm sure they'll advise you far better than the forums. after so many fights, my whole family got used to it. by tommorow morning we'll act like nothing happened and have breakfast like a normal family. everyone we'll acuse me if i did something like that. Like - "how could you something like that" or "we gave you everything you needed, what more do you want." they always say something like that and make it into my fault. |
Fizix said: Getting involved in a drink fuelled argument is terrible advice unless you know the situation intimately. That sounds like a toxic situation and it makes neither of them sound good. If their relationship has reached this point, then I would recommend sitting them down when they are sober and explaining how you feel in a calm and honest way. I would possibly mention marriage councilling if there are problems in the relationship and AA if there is an issue of alcoholism. For yourself, if you are at school/college then have a chat with the guidance councillor. Otherwise, some workplaces offer support, failing that your own doctor. If while they are fighting you think either they or you is in any danger, just call the police. I know it sounds mean, but that can be a wake up call that there is a problem and the safety of your family is what is most important. Fizix said: Getting involved in a drink fuelled argument is terrible advice unless you know the situation intimately. That sounds like a toxic situation and it makes neither of them sound good. If their relationship has reached this point, then I would recommend sitting them down when they are sober and explaining how you feel in a calm and honest way. I would possibly mention marriage councilling if there are problems in the relationship and AA if there is an issue of alcoholism. For yourself, if you are at school/college then have a chat with the guidance councillor. Otherwise, some workplaces offer support, failing that your own doctor. If while they are fighting you think either they or you is in any danger, just call the police. I know it sounds mean, but that can be a wake up call that there is a problem and the safety of your family is what is most important. i know that talking to them about this would be the right thing to do but i can't even look them in the eye and say anything about them fighting. the situation has never gotten so out of hand for it to require calling the police but be sure that if anything happens i'm gonna take my brother and just run the hell out of the house and then call the police. i'm tired of taking this shit every two weeks(thats normally how long peace lasts). |
| Just do what all weebs eventually do. Get so absorbed in anime that the real world no longer bothers them, become a recluse, get a waifu and convince yourself you are living a superior life so as not to face up to real world problems or grow as a person. |
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| I'm so sorry this is what you had to experience for your childhood. I have no experience about this, so I can't give much advice, but I will try. Have you tried openly talking to them? No insults or anything. One day when everything is fine, and everyone is in (somewhat) high spirits, ask them to come sit around the table. Then set two rules for the hour talk you're about to have: 1) No insulting/aggression of any sort 2) No raising your voice. Say it very clearly that this is a problem that not only your mother and father have to face, but that you, being their children, have to face the greatest blunt of all of it. Say how you truly feel, that you call each other family, but you live in genuine fear of one another, if a family cannot even sit around a table and talk about an issue they have in a civilized manner with THEIR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, that there is no family, and there are no ties between any of you. Get them to realise the problem is bigger than either of them, and no matter what pathetic squabbling they are doing, they are ruining the childhood of their own children, something that will remain with you for the rest of your life. Hopefully, if you can get this point across well enough, they may actually do some thinking for themselves. I understand this most likely comes across really friggin arrogant and ignorant of you and your feelings, as I've had no experience with this, but that is what I would really try to do, I believe true communication between human beings is the foundation to the solution of any problem. I also have a friend you might want to talk to who is far more experienced than me in regards to this, she could point you in the right direction. :) Also, if you are in high school, I really strongly suggest talking to your head of sixth form/head of year or form tutor about it, trust me when I say this, they really, really, do care about you, and they understand everything you are going through, you won't be the first to approach them with a real life issue. Life is life, we human beings have to lean on each other from time to time, and that's what teachers are there for. |
| Insert Signature Here. |
| I always just used to shut myself away, their fights were always about this underlying reason but only manifested itself through trivial things so even if I tried to resolve the problem of that you couldn't get to the root and thus can't bring an end to the hostility, I'd just had to wait it out. Very frustrating, if I'm not involved I just let them be nowadays, put my headphones on or something. After a long, long time you learn nothing that bad is gonna happen anyway, at least not now. |
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Hitlerchu said: I always just used to shut myself away, their fights were always about this underlying reason but only manifested itself through trivial things so even if I tried to resolve the problem of that you couldn't get to the root and thus can't bring an end to the hostility, I'd just had to wait it out. Very frustrating, if I'm not involved I just let them be nowadays, put my headphones on or something. After a long, long time you learn nothing that bad is gonna happen anyway, at least not now. I guess the root of many of these issues are just that some parents convinced themselves they were compatible for too long, only to find out they really aren't, but are too scared to do what needs to be done. So they're stuck in a state of limbo. |
| Insert Signature Here. |
| Seems that your mother might have some unsettled issues with your father and her life in general as shes turning to the bottle and then assaulting your father with insults. If he hasn't hit her in 8 years I don't think there is too much to worry about, specially if when he did hit her it wasn't a beating like some wife's endure. While I'm saying not to worry it's more for your sake and it's not to say something isn't wrong. I would follow DearlyDie's advice and sit them down and show that you are worried about their situation. They'll probably not take it seriously, but at least they'll know you're worried enough to feel like you have to sit them down and it might encourage them to think twice about fighting again. |
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DearlyDie said: Yeah, something like that.Hitlerchu said: I guess the root of many of these issues are just that some parents convinced themselves they were compatible for too long, only to find out they really aren't, but are too scared to do what needs to be done. So they're stuck in a state of limbo.I always just used to shut myself away, their fights were always about this underlying reason but only manifested itself through trivial things so even if I tried to resolve the problem of that you couldn't get to the root and thus can't bring an end to the hostility, I'd just had to wait it out. Very frustrating, if I'm not involved I just let them be nowadays, put my headphones on or something. After a long, long time you learn nothing that bad is gonna happen anyway, at least not now. |
|
| Well for starters they are probably the type of people that shouldn't even touch a sip of alcohol. |
| I can definitely relate to parents who fight and argue, just wait it out. Accept they have a problem and don't be afraid to talk to others. I know you can have a fear of becoming like them but as long as you stay strong and don't drop to their level you never will. Good luck. |
| I've been here way too long... |
| Best load your glock and sharpen your switchblade. |
| Why are we still here? Just to suffer? Every night, I can feel my leg... and my arm... even my fingers. The body I've lost... the comrades I've lost... won't stop hurting... It's like they're all still there. You feel it, too, don't you? I'm gonna make them give back our past." |
| Your profile states that you are 18 so you can technically get a job and rent her own placee . either way you will eventually escape. My advice is to just walk up to em when they're fighting and treat em like kids. Try to play the grumpy adult role to shatter their fights. Get a microphone and put yourself on speaker, play loud uncomfortable noises. Say things like "common kids, wrap it up, the fucks h going on around here?" Or ""you guys are pissing me the fuck off, Its xxxx in the morning/night., what the balls seems to be the problem now?" Some thing of that nature to show your grumpy and that they are acting like fucking kids. Show em that you're tired of their shit. I feel yew. I've been through exactly what you're going through. |
Is this where you live?  |
RecK96 said: i know that talking to them about this would be the right thing to do but i can't even look them in the eye and say anything about them fighting. the situation has never gotten so out of hand for it to require calling the police but be sure that if anything happens i'm gonna take my brother and just run the hell out of the house and then call the police. i'm tired of taking this shit every two weeks(thats normally how long peace lasts). Try bringing up how worried you are while they're sober so they are at least aware. If you go for the nuclear option straight away they won't have had a chance to change their ways. shotz_ said: -YunoGasai said: that's some pretty bad advice.Pour all their booze down the sink and hide. Agreed. Don't do that. It's not like they can't buy more. |
| Now you're wondering if there's white text in any of my other posts. Over there, I'm everywhere. I know that. |
| Have you ever explained to them both how you feel? I know it is so hard to tell them how you feel but it is either that or just wait until you are older and move out. Get your sibling to be with you so you can both be there to support each other. I hated it at my house. My little brother was always put off on me because my parents did'n't want to deal with him and we was horrible because he had never been taught how to treat people. I moved out when I turned 18 and of course it was the biggest deal in the world but after I was gone I felt so much better. Not right afterwards because of course they would start trying to cause drama but a few months afterwards it was like this huge weight had been lifted. Don't ever let other people bring you down because of their problems and because of them never being able to work their relationship out. If you ever need anyone to talk to personally I am always here:) |
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| You cant really do much. Because they are your parents they likely think they know better than you. You could try to tell them they should stop drinking because of all the disputes that happens so often during then and how you feel about those fights. |
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RecK96 said: This is the only way to release some stress that I could find right now since there is no one I could possibly talk to about this. My parents always start a fight after they've had a few drinks, well, it's my mother that always statrs the fight and my father isn't exactly a very tempered man(well, he is unless you step on his tail if you get what I mean). In the past when me and my brother where little(I was about 11 and he was about 6 years old), my father hit my mother(not like you see on tv, that leaves bruises the size of a house), but in the end he still hit her and since then I'm completely terrified every time they start a fight because my mother does not know when to stop and is always pushing my father to the limit(not that he's in the right but my mother isn't either). In my opinion when she gets a bit tipsy all she cares is about herself, we told her countless times that we are scared shitless about what may happen when one day my father finally snaps(he has a record of breaking things when he gets mad) and when we try to intervene in their fight it's suddenly our fault and we're siding with our father, infact we're just trying to prevent a disaster from happening. What do I do in these kinds of situations, I don't know how to make them both understand that they shouldn't fight and I know they won't divorce since it will be harder for me and my brother to live(actually I think the only reason my parents haven't divorced yet it's because of us). You and your parents are better off divorcing. Having separate parents isn't any worse that having to live with constant fighting and arguing. If you hear them trying to suggest it do not try to show disapproval. If they ain't happy together support their wishes of going their separate ways. If they are more happy like that then you will be more happy too. Other than that i can't say much because i do not know what their problems are although you did mentioned alcohol seems to be a problem too. If your mother likes drinking and then throwing tantrums then she also has a drinking problem. Try to convince them to go see a expert together. Maybe that will help them. |
MonadSep 4, 2015 1:26 AM
RecK96 said: PeripheralVision said: May I suggest contacting a hotline for these sorts of things? I'm sure they'll advise you far better than the forums. after so many fights, my whole family got used to it. by tommorow morning we'll act like nothing happened and have breakfast like a normal family. everyone we'll acuse me if i did something like that. Like - "how could you something like that" or "we gave you everything you needed, what more do you want." they always say something like that and make it into my fault. It seems you do not know the right answers. When they say things like that answer with "What more i want? I want a happy childhood where i do not have to wake up each day fearing that you may have another fight that could end in tragedy. You are destroying your children if you haven't notice." When parents hear such words they start realizing they are harming their children and if they care about them even a little that kind of words tend to shock them and shake them up on how their children feel. |
| My parents used to argue a lot too; when I was little. Now, they don't. And the reason is, of course, I. The art of 'intervention' isn't a simple craft to master. Though, I wouldn't suggest you to intervene lest I have more info about the 'issues' of your parents. Also, it's a 'drunk fight', I don't think you can rationalize your way out of that. Sorry, I give up. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
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