Hyakuren no Haou to Seiyaku no Valkyria

The Master of Ragnarok and Blesser of Einherjar is a truly humiliating work. It’s so comically inept and earnest in the name of its intended ambitions and atrocities that it becomes endearingly pathetic for a while. I was wholly prepared to come write about how this show was the ultimate waste of time in terms of creating it, watching it, and especially reviewing it. It still is in many ways, especially when it becomes downright insufferable later on, but this deformed gem belongs in the same realm as classics such as Big Order and The Room. I mean, just look at this thing, this clueless, ... fugly piece of shit!

This show is the penultimate production shitshow! To begin with the easiest of targets, the CGI is as prevalent as it is laughable. The stills are more frequent than bits of animation, resulting in some garbage action and hentai-like sequences. The animated fight sequences aren’t much better, so it’s nigh impossible to appreciate the “action” on any level.. As if all that wasn't enough, the people at studio EMT² created this terrible Ufotable-esque art-style similar to the infamous Chaos Dragon, and they struggled heavily to keep their character models consistently drawn. Shame cuz some of the women are so hot that they deserve much better, at least until you realize what utter objects they all are. That’s when it becomes debatable.

The female characters in this show are borderline humiliating, especially the twin additions to the harem. While they’re at the very least varied in terms of what kind of objects they are and even much of an object they’re characterized as -unlike in Smartphone- they’re still barely effective at best and downright worthless at worst. The best things I can say about them is that they don’t blatantly fall into any archetype and that some of their designs, namely Siegrune’s, are cool and have fun clothing. The later ones are so disastrously infuriating and worthless that after the pink-haired girl showed up, they should have stopped this process altogether and spent more time fleshing out we had. Their leader, Yuuto, is downright hysterical; he is a total piece of shit. Outside of the bitches he collects, patronizes, and still refuses to bone, and this one girlfriend he has at home (along with the few generals and whatnot who are useful), he treats everyone under his ranks with as much contempt as the most reprehensible regime leader villains in anime history. This man will force you to become his slave child or his barely any less subservient little sister, and threaten to massacre your clan if you don’t comply. His mistresses are all either his children or little sisters, which is obviously for the most unashamedly fetishistic sexual gratitude or both him and the intended audience. We’re supposed to treat him like a normal harem protagonist cuz he still has most of their hallmarks, or a decent human being just because he regrets having been worse? Fuck outta here! That’s like saying we’re supposed to pretend any of the remaining side-characters aren’t the most one-note and worthless things ever. Even he knows how awful he is, and some of it isn’t even his fault.

The fact that with all this, they still try to set up moments and entire plot-lines with intrigue, attempt to have character arcs with peak “emotional moments”, and take this show’s story seriously with emotional music and close-ups of women crying in joy or despair to boot, is as rich as it is tragic. It attempts all of that in the name of selling this kind of disastrously nonsensical, badly paced, convoluted, excess, and ill-defined material as something worth getting invested in. They even have several decent fantasy music for the title cards and scenes related to the ongoing war that are often only heard once. When Overlord is just sitting there, cackling in the corner with its superior OP/ED music in the same season this bullfuckery airs, things need to start being re-evaluated. In spite of all this, this show actually tries to indirectly explain the origins of this main character becoming an Isekai protagonist with a single moment of visual storytelling in the opening before eventually elaborating on it. Mad props for the idea, even if the end result was convoluted. For that alone, this thing ain’t as bad as Smartphone, let alone worthy of being called the worst Isekai ever made.

Obviously, the quest of enduring this embarrassment is not for everyone. Most of its problems are so self-evident that not only are several of them displayed by the title and cover art, but people not keen on wasting their time would be doing exactly that by watching this thing. This blend of ambition, degeneracy, laziness, and ineptitude is a beast meant for only the most skilled hate-watchers to slay. Even I barely survived half of what happened past the fifth episode, and I was having a blast early on and towards the end. For the brave few who choose to embark, and the animation buffs willing to give this a shot, grab a party. and/or alter your state of consciousness first. If you genuinely enjoy something like this, let nothing stop you other than some mind-shatteringly awful filler episodes. All others can pretend this show doesn’t exist; you’re missing nothing of value by doing so.

Isekai... The term in anime that I really want to avoid due to some anime being isekai and trash as well.. But I can't help reviewing this trash of an anime because I was also one of the few who reviewed a similar anime last year.. And coincidentally that anime aired in summer season of anime as well. Now, I don't have a grudge on all isekai anime (as you may know I love Overlord and Log Horizon), but this type of Isekai where the protagonist are just so generic along with his harem is just... bad. And this anime just transcended from the bad ... one to a worst one.

Story:
The story is simple to summarize. Guy named Yuuto got transported into a fantasy world filled with Norse mythology. Along him is his trusty sidekick named "Smartphone" where on the first episode, we were slammed already by him being the most important character in the world not even showing us how he did it or some sort. There we saw him winning and winning wars with other clans with his harem that is op which he collected by pokeballs, oh I mean which he collected by his "great" leadership or "handsome" face. Ever wonder how he wins wars? By searching through the internet by his smartphone! Of course there is a WiFi connection in the distant past. Very good story am I right? Along with wars we saw him getting harassed by his Pokemons by means of seducing him but at least he is loyal to his friend in the real world which he can actually talk to even tho he is on the other world already. Master Of Ragnarok And The Blesser Of Einherjar is a great anime for those who love those silly cliche types of things on a story. But as for me, it is not.

Characters:
If the protagonist sounds bad to you, well the others are as well, especially the girls. Looking at the MC, throughout the episodes I can only sense that... his a good person and thats it.. Development on his traits was not at all present or should I say character development is not at all present in my eyes. We know he is a teenage high schooler but still that doesn't state what he really is or his other traits are. Is he a psychopath that will kill anyone by his own hands? Is he someone willing to sacrifice his own smartphone in exchange to another girl? Maybe he is. And throughout the series we just see him gaining more and more girls even though it is so unnecessary already. Speaking of the girls, they are your typical harem anime girls that their attention is always on the lame MC and always praising how good, caring and great of a person he is.

Art:
If you are talking about great anime, meaning the anime have a ton of eye-catching visuals either from funny scenes, jam-packed actions or the environment. Ragnarok (or shall I call it MORBOE?), however, fails to please my eyes. Instead it gave me sore eyes with amateur art styles and low budget action scenes of medieval soldiers and horses fighting and stuffs. It was like looking into a 9 year old's coloring book. Not to mention for some reason the ecchi scenes are not really turning me on. Maybe because the eyes of the characters are too much of an anime eye or maybe almost all the girls have little-girl like figures. The opening is not that pleasing for me both visually and musically as well as the ending being topped off with the girls being naked to satisfy your ecchi needs... if you like this anime.

Sound:
Every anime fan have a playlists of anime openings or endings. Even include the OST's (background music) of the anime. Sadly, no music will go to my playlist from this anime. My taste of anime music doesn't fit the opening as well as the ending. Background musics are ehh.. I don't even bother anymore

Overall thoughts and Enjoyment:
In conclusion, Master Of Ragnarok and The Blesser Of Einherjar is an anime for those who love isekai trash anime like In Another World With My Smartphone. Heck this is way worse than the smartphone anime so if you like this type of stuffs, I recommend you to join Yuuto's quest on getting more Pokemon girls.

Hayao Miyazaki once said: "Anime was a mistake."

And yet in 2018, we have 2 series that stand out much: Winter's Mahou Shoujo Site and this season's abominable, unwatchable, god-damn mess of an isekai-harem, I proudly present to you...Hyakuren no Haou to Seiyaku no Valkyria, or what I'd like to call: The Master of Ragna-"Rock Bottom" & "Teenage-Loli Harems AF" of Einherjar. And not even the Anime Pope (Mother's Basement) has the quintessential formula to save you from the endless frustration of the amount of quirks that this show has going for.

"This anime is a lot of nothing, BUT a whole lot of nothing." - Geoff ... Thew, professional shitbag, signing out from my Mother's Basement.

I thought that Isekai Smartphone from the same season last year and Winter's Death March were unimpressive, unimaginative and best of all, boring as molasses...but this shitshow made EVERY mediocre isekai-harem anime-adapted series (be it LN or manga) before this look like winning formulas in my book (and rightfully yours too).

Error No. 1: Story is mind-numbingly conceived out of some tried-and-true references that is uncanningly cringeworthy.
What to expect from the fantasy-LN source that was made in 2013, just when the Isekai genre has already been saturated enough? Make some more I guess! That was the nail in the coffin of Seiichi Takayama's absolute failure to come up with something that what is already considered a cash cow and a safety net, and his creativity really is off the charts. Not to mention that at the time before the anime adaptation, this series has 15 volumes (and counting) when the anime adaptation was announced in early March this year! And the financier backing this up? Yup, you guessed it, it's not Japan, it's China (with video platform bilibili's help)! Oh good God, why???

You want the story? Heck and hell, I'll just summarize here:
- Random guy by the name of Suuou Yuuto takes selfie, got Isekai-ed by a cursed mirror into Yggdrasil (where most isekai stories already established that long, long time ago BUT better executed) where clans have an all-out battle to see who reigns supreme...

- Surprise, surprise! Along with him comes a god-damn solar-powered Smartphone! And thank God Isekai Smartphone's execution is heaps better than this (but still not good) since Natsuko Takahashi, the series composer for both series, came back to hem this job. And honestly, after her work on the fabulous Ore Monogatari in 2015, the majority of the remainders are just plain shovel-ware, and this is no different.

- Deal breaker No. 1: Searching on Wikipedia for war tactics in Yggdrasil...how blatant is this? As if the clan he is responsible in only benefits on the knowledge of the technology, NOT the human! Yuuto has none of it all, he just has the technology-powered Norse mythology going for him while everyone calls him "Father / Big Brother" since he's the patriarch...it's a "cheat" he says, but I'm not buying that fact at all, and that's that is going for our dear god-awful MC.

- Deal breaker No. 2: All the teenage and loli girls beside "The Master of Ragna-"Rock Bottom"? Other than being used for battle (that's why they are called Einherjars, masters and blessers of unique abilities), they can do one more thing: Harass and caress the male MC for reasons our human minds can conceive why, but for what purpose...?

The story and setting are both incredibly bad to the point that I can sleep when the episode starts and wake up at the ED song! Simply, just great. Not to mention that Kousuke Kobayashi, the (not 2nd but toxic upgraded) 3rd-rate director behind last season's obnoxious short Alice to Alice, hasn't learned his lesson much, and the production staff under him already gave up trying a lot here. I know the harsh anime industry where are budget limitations, but this show really scrapes that line a whole lot.

Error No. 2: Characters (not the VAs), aside from their "unique" traits, are nothing short of mediocrity, the bottom of the barrel.
Suou Yuuto...generic as he is, he has the goody-two-shoes feel, until some people have to wake up his ideas and be firm, he did. Problem is, he cannot be straight, and always has to compromise to please everyone. Oh, come on! You can do a better job...right? And your unimpressive denseness is a legit pointing-finger major crisis!

The Einherjar maidens (Felicia, Siegrune, Linnea, Ingrid, the 2 loli sisters) and even his OWN sister Mitsuki...wow are they a sight to behold! Nah, just kidding, who can I kid when majority of them "set their aims" at Yuuto while he flusters with the little sense that he has. Not to mention that their sole purpose is to battle, and while at it, fight for "supremacy" to be the right-hand "embracing" man of Yuuto.

Yuuto's opposition (with the de-facto clans with the blonde he calls "Bro" and Steinphor) is hands-down the ONLY part that is decent, as they have balls to show off their power and at least be competent somewhat. I presume at least this area, the production staff tried at least a teeny-weeny effort for them to stand out, and they did, albeit for their screen-time moments.

Error No. 3: Art and animation sucks balls...HARD enough to crash and burn.
EMT Squared is a newcomer studio, but that doesn't mean that you have ALL authority to give them this project to handle...and it shows and reflects very badly from start to end. Action sequences are off with the wrong camera focuses and the many stills; character designs are super-off and deformed in terms of body and faces (especially one-sided faces where the designers super-cheaped-out and cut out on drawing 1 eye instead of both), not to mention the stale background art and obsolete animation quality.

Error No. 4: Forget about the music aesthetics, they are the worst in terms of representation.
I absolutely despise the sound choices done here, nothing here is ever noteworthy, so don't get me started...except I'm doing that now. The OST is horrible, sound effects at the level of LOLs and hilariously-unfunny bad placements.

We all never once thought there could be any other anime that will be scraping the bottom of the barrel, but this anime proved us wrong. Bland. boring, cliché, flat, tiresome, you name it, this anime has it all. Whatever it is, this anime is an outright waste-barrel of an excuse of time, talents and effort, and should be shunned and abstained at all costs.