Gotsupermilk said: Are you married? NOOOOOOOOOOO! |
CM said: Right now, me, right now, in Cleveland, Ohio, take fucking care of me right fucking now. Don't worry about where I'm supposed to be tomorrow. Don't worry about what segment I'm supposed to be. Fucking fix me. My fucking ribs are broken, my knee is fucking torn up, I'm fucking sick. Fucking help me. |
Feyfray said: And to OP - who hurt you? Who hurt you, OP? I'll grab the wine and movie, you're always welcome on my couch for a consolation cuddle It's nobody important. |
CM said: Right now, me, right now, in Cleveland, Ohio, take fucking care of me right fucking now. Don't worry about where I'm supposed to be tomorrow. Don't worry about what segment I'm supposed to be. Fucking fix me. My fucking ribs are broken, my knee is fucking torn up, I'm fucking sick. Fucking help me. |
| Can someone tell me why a 17 year old is giving out advise to us about love? |
| Unfortunately people are more rushed nowadays when it comes to relationships and plenty of adults fail to differentiate infatuation from love. Like people have said, you need to really invest time into understanding and getting to know the other person, because often times it is all a façade to leave good impressions especially due to insecurities and maybe past experiences. Ultimately, true love does not require marriage at all in any sense. If you and your partner truly love one another, marriage is absolutely nothing more than seeking approval from the society around you. Which is why a lot of marriages turn sour the second they are entered into, because the relationship never exits the infatuation stage, and once the reality of the relationship breaks in, the façade is dropped and problems arise. Loving one another doesn't simply mean loving all the positives of your partner, it's more so loving all the imperfections and accepting him/her; as John Legend would say, wanting "all of you" |
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| It's strange. I always thought it was the opposite: *falling in love and marriage is a bad thing* O_o. Anyway, OP love and marriage do not travel on the same track. How can a feeling be coupled to / be assimilated to a contract? And marriage it's not the natural consequence of love, quite the contrary imo. |
Feyfray said: I'm okay.Hoppy said: I doubt he's gay, not liking sex =/= gay, sounds more like a combination of being aromantic (not liking romance) and asexual (no urge for sex), it's good in to not have to worry about dating or being married and it can be good for sanity in some people to not think about sex. He's 14, cut him some slack guys. |
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| Well, if you understand what love is and what it actually means to be in a marriage, it should bring you happiness by spending your life with your 'soulmate'. |
L3XJam3s said: Jackrabb1t said: You're pretty cynical, OP. What can I say? Experience. You're 16. Get over it. |
L3XJam3s said: You get to fulfill your angst and self-gratification, and justify your narrative through experience. Isn't it much more fulfilling to say that you're a pitiful victim of society while flicking your bangs when there's some substance behind the words? It gives your eyeliner a whole new dimension.What part of that is good? |
| My subjective reviews: katsureview.wordpress.com THE CHAT CLUB. |
baki502 said: Its your own fault for marrying. Love doesnt need a contract so if you decide to follow some stupid ancient tradition that probably spawned off some religion well its your own fault. I think that by never marrying and constantly living under the risk of breaking up at any time people actually put more effort into their relation. This is the worst advice I've ever heard or read in my whole life and it can't get any worse. By never marrying you're constantly under the risk that the other party will break up anytime because it's an open relationship and no one is bound by any responsibility. You only marry when you're sure that your spouse loves you. If you marry right off the get go, then that's your fault. When you marry, you have a family you need to handle. You have children and there should be more trust among you. But in that girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, that is the direct opposite. No one is ever sure of what may or may not come out of the relationship. Hell, there's always this constant doubt that if my spouse really do love me, why can't he/she just spend his whole life with me. But anyways, why am I preaching to some 'liberal-minded' westerner who has the best opinion and is always correct and people must abide by him because he's from teh first-world. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
| Most people don't want to spend life all alone. You usually want to share it with someone. |
| OP would be my kohai. |
| Deconstruction ≠ Darker & Edgier Trope ≠ Cliché (Face it, nothing is completely original. Can't make something from nothing so to say.). Fanservice ≠ Ecchi (Though ecchi can please the fans!) Popular ≠ Sucks... maybe Seinen = K-ON! Shounen, Shoujo, Seinen and Josei are demographics. Anime/Manga = Japanese Cartoons! Deal with it. Support Movember. Raise awareness of men's health issues. Put a mustache on your avatars or something... |
| It is good because The Bible says so The Bible is always right Trust The Bible |
 Nico- said: Conversations with people pinging/quoting me to argue about some old post I wrote years ago will not be entertained@Comic_Sans oh no y arnt ppl dieing i need more ppl dieing rly gud plot avansement jus liek tokyo ghoul if erbudy dies amirite |
OneForSorrow said: baki502 said: Its your own fault for marrying. Love doesnt need a contract so if you decide to follow some stupid ancient tradition that probably spawned off some religion well its your own fault. I think that by never marrying and constantly living under the risk of breaking up at any time people actually put more effort into their relation. This is the worst advice I've ever heard or read in my whole life and it can't get any worse. By never marrying you're constantly under the risk that the other party will break up anytime because it's an open relationship and no one is bound by any responsibility. You only marry when you're sure that your spouse loves you. If you marry right off the get go, then that's your fault. When you marry, you have a family you need to handle. You have children and there should be more trust among you. But in that girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, that is the direct opposite. No one is ever sure of what may or may not come out of the relationship. Hell, there's always this constant doubt that if my spouse really do love me, why can't he/she just spend his whole life with me. But anyways, why am I preaching to some 'liberal-minded' westerner who has the best opinion and is always correct and people must abide by him because he's from teh first-world. Ive seen it first hand. Most women think they are "safe" now when they get married let them selves go and become ugly whales. Same with men, they additionaly also stop really giving the woman attention. I can see it from my surroundings, maybe in your culture where religion is most likely more important marriages do hold. But they arent necesarily happy. They stay togheter because god tells them its sin to break up but in truth there is not too much love left in those house and constant quarrels. I know because my parents where super christian. But here that is an exception. About 40-50 % of all marriages end up in a divorce. That may not sound all that much at first, but the reason is because people here tend to live about 5-10 yers togheter before they marry and even get kids and everything. If they last 10 years its likely the marriage wil last too. But even then Ive seen couples that living togher for 5-10 years happily, but without this legal contract binding them, and shortly after they marry shit goes down the fan. But if they married even sooner like half a year after knowing each other like many people in eastern europe, without the eastern europeans religious ideals the divorce rate would be somewhere in the 75% range easily. Maybe marriage works out well in your country. But here its a contract that simply has hardly any advantages and the disadvantages outweigh the advantages by a lot. And I am talking purely legal now. |
L3XJam3s said: You meet a boy/girl. You spend a lot of time together. You decide to get married. But then the mask comes off, and you see the true them, and after that, you barely see them, and before you know it, you're outside, watching her/him and her/his new lover, and you're sitting in the rain, looking like a fool, thinking, "Did she ever love me?" What part of that is good? That's life. Once people realize pain is apart of life and avoiding everything just so you never get hurt is not a logical way to live life, you'll find happiness. Btw, not all relationships end that way. |
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baki502 said: Ive seen it first hand. Most women think they are "safe" now when they get married let them selves go and become ugly whales. Same with men, they additionaly also stop really giving the woman attention. I can see it from my surroundings, maybe in your culture where religion is most likely more important marriages do hold. But they arent necesarily happy. They stay togheter because god tells them its sin to break up but in truth there is not too much love left in those house and constant quarrels. I know because my parents where super christian. But here that is an exception. About 40-50 % of all marriages end up in a divorce. That may not sound all that much at first, but the reason is because people here tend to live about 5-10 yers togheter before they marry and even get kids and everything. If they last 10 years its likely the marriage wil last too. But even then Ive seen couples that living togher for 5-10 years happily, but without this legal contract binding them, and shortly after they marry shit goes down the fan. But if they married even sooner like half a year after knowing each other like many people in eastern europe, without the eastern europeans religious ideals the divorce rate would be somewhere in the 75% range easily. Maybe marriage works out well in your country. But here its a contract that simply has hardly any advantages and the disadvantages outweigh the advantages by a lot. And I am talking purely legal now. In the end, the question slims down to just "Is their love?". No matter what kind of a relationship that is. Divorces in the West are mainly because of the sexual behavior of the people there. No one is bound by anything, so that just makes people look for one spouse, break up with him/her, find another, have sex, break up and then find another and repeat the cycle. That's why marriages turn out to be failure. And it's not just marriages, it's the girlfriend/boyfriend relationship too. In a relationship, the most essential part is not how to get into it, it's how to retain it till the end of time. And anyone can fail in that aspect if he/she lacks love for their spouse. It's all subjective, in my views, if you're certain that your spouse loves you (or you just want to be certain), then marry him/her. And see how well it goes. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
Kagami_Hiiragi said: L3XJam3s said: You meet a boy/girl. You spend a lot of time together. You decide to get married. But then the mask comes off, and you see the true them, and after that, you barely see them, and before you know it, you're outside, watching her/him and her/his new lover, and you're sitting in the rain, looking like a fool, thinking, "Did she ever love me?" What part of that is good? That's life. Once people realize pain is apart of life and avoiding everything just so you never get hurt is not a logical way to live life, you'll find happiness. Btw, not all relationships end that way. I wish more people appreciated this sentiment. Too many self-fulfilling prophecies. People that expect things to end poorly generally get their wish - they give up faster and blame everything on external factors instead of introspection. Relationships are a two-way street, if you make an effort and you've picked a good partner, they will be more likely to make an effort as well. The reverse is also true. |
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OneForSorrow said: This is the worst advice I've ever heard or read in my whole life and it can't get any worse. By never marrying you're constantly under the risk that the other party will break up anytime because it's an open relationship and no one is bound by any responsibility. You only marry when you're sure that your spouse loves you. Been bound to someone through responsibility =/= Love. OneForSorrow said: When you marry, you have a family you need to handle. You have children and there should be more trust among you. But anyways, why am I preaching to some 'liberal-minded' westerner who has the best opinion and is always correct and people must abide by him because he's from teh first-world. You heard it people. When you are married you have to love each other because you have responsibility and kids to keep you together. So people who start to stop loving each other over time you have to suffer through marriage because its your responsibility now, your own chains. Damn us and out western ways! why can't we be like all those perfect middle eastern countries and their views on marriage. |
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Kibura_Iburasa said: You heard it people. When you are married you have to love each other because you have responsibility and kids to keep you together. So people who start to stop loving each other over time you have to suffer through marriage because its your responsibility now, your own chains. Damn us and out western ways! why can't we be like all those perfect middle eastern countries and their views on marriage. So much fedora tipping in one post. I guess it's not gonna be a good debate so I'll keep it short. If you don't understand one's point, then stop acting like a goddamn know-it-all. Having a family results in a mutual understanding. If you don't know how then I can't blame you. I never said responsibility=love. The only thing that I can make out from my post is that having some responsibilities would keep your relationship more safe by inculcating a sense that someone depends on us so we should be more understanding. The only case where one would feel 'bounded' by responsibilities is where there was no love to begin with. Case closed. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
Sloth- said: OneForSorrow said: y u so feisty?But anyways, why am I preaching to some 'liberal-minded' westerner who has the best opinion and is always correct and people must abide by him because he's from teh first-world. cuz I'm tired of their shit. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
| r u okay op? |
 |
OneForSorrow said: Babies don't fall from the sky when you get married.When you marry, you have a family you need to handle. You have children and there should be more trust among you. |
LoneWolf said: @Josh makes me sad to call myself Canadian. |
Josh- said: OneForSorrow said: Babies don't fall from the sky when you get married.When you marry, you have a family you need to handle. You have children and there should be more trust among you. I guess people still believe in that antiquated stork theory. |
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| Falling in love is inevitable but marriage is very much avoidable. |
 Behold of my awesomeness~ controversial and/or sensitive topics likely devolve into the same repetitive, derogatory, abusive, and harassing comments can no longer be posted. But my feels. |
Josh- said: OneForSorrow said: Babies don't fall from the sky when you get married.When you marry, you have a family you need to handle. You have children and there should be more trust among you. Another fallacious statement contributing nothing of value to the argument. You can't just have a marriage with no children. After some years, you gotta have some babies (in cases where there is no infertility). A marriage in which you have sex just for sex's sake, often results in a failure because one fails to comply with the other's demands. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
OneForSorrow said: You can't just have a marriage with no children.  Also way to be a dick to those people out there that can't have kids. Or do you view them as useless to society should we ban them from marriage seen as you can't have one without the other. |
|
| Because it makes me happy, does there really need to be any other reason with some deep meaning? You could ask me the same question and get the same sort of answer about why I play Call of Duty, or listen to music. . . |
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Kibura_Iburasa said: OneForSorrow said: You can't just have a marriage with no children. Also way to be a dick to those people out there that can't have kids. Or do you view them as useless to society should we ban them from marriage seen as you can't have one without the other. OneForSorrow said: in cases where there is no infertility You cannot tell me that you married a girl 5 years before and all that time your wife wanted a child but you just wanted to have sex and your marriage worked out. No my little chumling, that's not how it works out. But again, let me reiterate, if one from the couple is infertile then it's cool. No probs. Just try to reply someone with a differing opinion with the intention of replying. Not with the intention to attack the other user for having a different opinion. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
OneForSorrow said: Just try to reply someone with a differing opinion with the intention of replying. Not with the intention to attack the other user for having a different opinion. Try not putting forth your own radical ideals as if fact and then not expect anyone to attack back. There is no evidence that marriages with no children don't survive any longer than one with children in. And if you don't want to be 'attacked' try adding a few vital words to your sentences. Your current sentence "You can't just have a marriage with no children." Now watch because this is pretty complicated "I believe you can't just have a marriage with no children" See what I did there, I turned it into what it is, your own unfounded opinion and in my own unfounded opinion your ideals are outdated as is im sure your sources of information. I have no intention of having children for personal reasons so should I be denied rights to marriage because there is no chance two people won't stay together without them? Now either start using facts as facts and opinion as opinions or.  Because I hate people who confuse the two. |
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Kibura_Iburasa said: I have no intention of having children for personal reasons so should I be denied rights to marriage because there is no chance two people won't stay together without them? If you don't want to have any children then try finding a partner who doesn't want to have any children too. If you marry just anyone you find, you'll be doing a great injustice to them just because of your own selfishness. See? what I meant? now reflect on what you said. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
OneForSorrow said: Kibura_Iburasa said: I have no intention of having children for personal reasons so should I be denied rights to marriage because there is no chance two people won't stay together without them? If you don't want to have any children then try finding a partner who doesn't want to have any children too. If you marry just anyone you find, you'll be doing a great injustice to them just because of your own selfishness. See? what I meant? now reflect on what you said. Yeah, but that's still a dumb assumption - do you really think people just wake up, go down to the bar, and get married without having a discussion as important as - I dunno? Having kids? |
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| You watch too much tv :p |
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Lime_ said: OneForSorrow said: If you don't want to have any children then try finding a partner who doesn't want to have any children too. If you marry just anyone you find, you'll be doing a great injustice to them just because of your own selfishness. See? what I meant? now reflect on what you said. Yeah, but that's still a dumb assumption - do you really think people just wake up, go down to the bar, and get married without having a discussion as important as - I dunno? Having kids? And that's exactly the whole point here. You go through everything before getting married. If there's infertility, you check it out beforehand, if there's no willingness of having children from one side then you go through it beforehand. @dity Compromise doesn't always work. Most of the time it feels like you're being used or oppressed. Compromise in little things of life is good and should be there. When it comes to things like these, no, it barely works. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
| You sound very experienced in the ways of the world, especially in marriage, relationships and their worki- >profile >born '96 Oh. . well. . Like, what are you basing this on? Your parents? Your high school crush who cheated on your with the football player? |
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dity said: OneForSorrow said: i think you're projecting.Compromise doesn't always work. Most of the time it feels like you're being used or oppressed. Compromise in little things of life is good and should be there. When it comes to things like these, no, it barely works. ummmm, how? |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
Lime_ said: You sound very experienced in the ways of the world, especially in marriage, relationships and their worki- >profile >born '96 Oh. . well. . Like, what are you basing this on? Your parents? Your high school crush who cheated on your with the football player? come on man, give me an argument I can actually reply. And why is that I can't have that knowledge? relationships here in my country are either husband/wife or there's nothing. That's why I know it better than any of you. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
| Oh, so that's why you know it less than almost everyone here. . . in a normal 1st world country, you don't just randomly marry people and you don't let your parents choose your partners. Where I'm from it's a slow progression that moves from meeting -> getting to know the person through dates -> sexual relations -> moving in together -> and once you're sure you're compatable, then maybe you'll decide to get married. |
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| Marriage can definitely be a positive thing. I've seen too much divorce in my life for marriage to be a life goal or something, but I can see why people would want to marry. Love, security, stability. It's like dating but with tons of perks--and also tons of new reasons to disagree and fight, if you two have compatibility issues. I haven't seen marriages fail because two people were completely different before marrying. I've seen them fail because there were irreparable differences before they got married but they chose to ignore them. |
Lime_ said: Oh, so that's why you know it less than almost everyone here. . . in a normal 1st world country, you don't just randomly marry people and you don't let your parents choose your partners. Where I'm from it's a slow progression that moves from meeting -> getting to know the person through dates -> sexual relations -> moving in together -> and once you're sure you're compatable, then maybe you'll decide to get married. Again, skipping some crucial evidence aren't we? prejudice is one of the forms of 'ignorance'. You'd do good to keep that in mind. Almost 75% of the marriages that are decided by the parents result in a failure. It's just common observation and people have come over that long ago. Plus, there was no sanction in our religion that made 'arranged' marriage obligatory to begin with so it was just culture. The marriage procedure is the same here. Except that the sexual relation part and the part where you move in together takes place after marriage. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
| Yeah, you don't think sexual incompatibility is a huge reason for the dissolution of marriages? Just like your culture has "come over that long ago" to marriages decided by parents, you should probably "come over" the abstinence until marriage as well. . . |
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dity said: most of the time it feels like you're being used or oppressed.' honestly, i think if someone feels like that they're just not used to having things 100% their way. on the topic of having children: you could choose to wait before having children, adopt, adopt and then have a biological child later, use a surrogate mother for birthing purposes... any number of things. No it's not that simple. Especially when 'trust' is the most essential part of a relationship. Or at least one of the most essential part. That feeling is easy to be triggered especially after you get married and something like that comes up. Yep, those are just possibilities but again, having an agreement by both sides is mandatory. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
Lime_ said: Yeah, you don't think sexual incompatibility is a huge reason for the dissolution of marriages? Just like your culture has "come over that long ago" to marriages decided by parents, you should probably "come over" the abstinence until marriage as well. . . If sexual incompatibility becomes the reason for the dissolution of marriage then you can say, the couple had no love to begin with. I mean seriously, you're letting sex decide your relationship. What if you want to marry the girl who's a virgin and when she comes to bed she's a complete novice? if sex becomes the determining factor in our relationships then I can only wish for an early death and get rid of this world. No my dear, pre-marital relations bear more disadvantages than advantages. That's a different subject. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
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