Yesterday in Oregon a man going by the name of Hick Hillbill Johnson discovered something strange. He and his illiterate brother were raping natures waters as the good lord had intended, when an abomination of sorts led to a "startling" discovery. It was none other than an alligator snapping turtle, known in Oregon and even some southern sectors as a "snappy pappy meat snipper". The turtle was quickly removed before it could do any further damage to the environment. "I din't really know what to think," Johnson stated. "There he was swimmin' and I called my brother Jimbob and we both agreed that somethin' had to be done before more turtle things happened in our pristine waters. So we made room in the cooler by dumping some empty beer cans into the river and tossed the skittish feller in fer safe keepin' before speeding off to the killhouse, leavin' a nice slick trail of American oil behind us." Described by talented Yahoo! news editors as "prehistoric looking" and "dinosaur", no one knows why the turtle was there or what specific turtle thing it may have been doing before these kind gentlemen showed up to dispose of the menace, but some locals believe that anthrax or even arson may have been just some of the sinister deeds on this shelled crusader's agenda. "I'm just glad we stand up citizens can go on livin' our peaceful lives without the threat of these vile creatures upsettin' the natural balance," brother Jimbob declared. A day before the turtle's execution it was asked what it would like for it's final meal, though the prosecutors were only met with a blank turtle stare, likely due to the Devil's influence. More at 11:00 Source: http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/nature/post/prehistoric-looking-alligator-snapping-turtle-is-not-wanted-in-oregon/ |
DEMOLITION_DOct 23, 2013 11:01 PM
| LMAO. I'm not even gonna judge them. Littering beer cans? Ok. Kidnapping a turtle? Ok. Thinking it damages the environment? Okey pokey. But "executing" it because of how dangerous it is? =========== Okay, I read the article. It wasn't as insane as you made it out to be. An endangered species encroaching out of its native territory? Fine, sure kill it instead of just moving it back, whatever. That thing also looks like a walking murder machine. |
| Mello, this is serious. It was pretty obvious that the turtle was under some kind of satanic doctrine with the way he was turtling about. Undocumented reports say that he even "kicked his stubby little turtle legs" while swimming. Think about that. |
Ionut said: Mankind is a hope that can not be fulfilled... Spoken like the true Lich. |
| Just watch. The giant alien turtle, the size of a city, will come swooping down from space with lasers and mass numbers of these turtles, to bring judgement upon these humans. Just like in Independence Day. |
| Click on this. I dare you. | MAL Fantasy Football League | Currently Watching List RWBY Club. RWBY is anime. Deal with it. |
| Pretty sure that artical is bullshit. |
RedArmyShogun said: Pretty sure that artical is bullshit. The turtles got to you, didn't they? |
Ntad said: RedArmyShogun said: Pretty sure that artical is bullshit. The turtles got to you, didn't they? What ever do you meanssssss*double blinks eyes lizard tongue* |
RedArmyShogun said: Ntad said: RedArmyShogun said: Pretty sure that artical is bullshit. The turtles got to you, didn't they? What ever do you meanssssss*double blinks eyes lizard tongue* someone call obama |
DEMOLITION_D said: What?He and his illiterate brother were raping natures water |
| My subjective reviews: katsureview.wordpress.com THE CHAT CLUB. |
DEMOLITION_D said: Jesus.Mello, this is serious. It was pretty obvious that the turtle was under some kind of satanic doctrine with the way he was turtling about. Undocumented reports say that he even "kicked his stubby little turtle legs" while swimming. Think about that. |
| When I read what you wrote.. I went HUH? .___. |
| Those guys are lucky my avatar is too busy dancing with maracas to do anything about it. |
MellowJello said: DEMOLITION_D said: Jesus.Mello, this is serious. It was pretty obvious that the turtle was under some kind of satanic doctrine with the way he was turtling about. Undocumented reports say that he even "kicked his stubby little turtle legs" while swimming. Think about that. Not even he could save us. |
DEMOLITION_D said: A day before the turtle's execution it was asked what it would like for it's final meal, though the prosecutors were only met with a blank turtle stare, likely due to the Devil's influence. lol |
KyuuAL said: Thanks ObamaJust watch. The giant alien turtle, the size of a city, will come swooping down from space with lasers and mass numbers of these turtles, to bring judgement upon these humans. Just like in Independence Day. |
| LMAO WTF |
| It's the devil's work! |
| Snapping turtles are nasty fuckers, I see no problem in killing them. |
| This is an outrage! Turtles are a kind and loving species, humans should just let them be. They were lucky to have such a wonderful creature in their lake, they should have even been proud, but to murder it!? Those bastards should be ashamed of themselves. Turtles should be praised and loved by all, not hunted down and killed like a lab rabbit on catnip. This is a serious matter and I demand justice for that turtle! They even hung his shell up to display their injustice. And just look at the way he is holding the poor thing, such a demeaning manner, I'm appalled. “I’d hate to see these turtles get established in Oregon.” Oregon is a filthy, turtle hating state, they don't know what they're missing. Especially if that turtle was gay. Turtle abuse is wrong, stand up against it. Fight for the turtles! |
| WHAT IS THIS |
| Lol. |
 |
| In other news, fish in Illinois and Ohio are being persecuted for doing fish things, another fish is getting it from Florida to Virginia for the same reasons, shellfish in the Great Lakes are subjected to genocide for just sitting around, North Carolina and Virginia are out to rid their states of plants that are just hanging around, and Australian reptiles in Maine are facing extermination for using local water resources without permits. But yeah, poor turtle. |
ErwinJAAug 31, 2014 7:09 PM
| Well it's a good thing at least that the turtle was only doing turtle things... It could have been worse. Still, an executable offense nonetheless. |
kingcity20 said: Oh for the love of -_- nvm gotta love MAL |
| And to think, that was that turtles last day on the beat. |
| Signature removed. Please follow the signature rules, as defined in the Site & Forum Guidelines. |
| "He deserved it," "An executable offense," "it's the devils work." Cruelty towards turtles is "the devil's work." Murdering turtles is and "executable offence." Humans "deserve" doom for their actions! I will not let this go unnoticed. These innocent turtles will be avenged! |
| WHAT IS THIS |
| After all this time this thread still makes no sense to me. |
| OH MY GOD JIMBOB IS AN ACTUAL NAME? |
 |
Udgey said: It's two namesOH MY GOD JIMBOB IS AN ACTUAL NAME? |
| Signature removed. Please follow the signature rules, as defined in the Site & Forum Guidelines. |
BarryManilow said: Udgey said: It's two namesOH MY GOD JIMBOB IS AN ACTUAL NAME? He was so cool they named him twice |
| Why was this thread necroed and what the hell is the OP even about |
| [size=200]MAL AVATAR SYSTEM BLOWS |
DerpHole said: Why was this thread necroed and what the hell is the OP even about Holy shit, I didn't even realised it was necor'd. As for the OP I don't think anyone really knows not even himself, all I got out of it was that we should kill turtles. |
DerpHole said: Why was this thread necroed and what the hell is the OP even about We warned you, bro. We warned you about the turtles. |
ElPysCongroo said: DerpHole said: Why was this thread necroed and what the hell is the OP even about Holy shit, I didn't even realised it was necor'd. As for the OP I don't think anyone really knows not even himself, all I got out of it was that we should kill turtles. Even Introverturtles? |
| "Let Justice Be Done!" My Theme Fight again, fight again for justice! |
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