What does a person lacking desire, feeling nothing besides anxiety and anger, truly want? Nothingness?... 'People; society; normality' all are one and the same, and all scare me equally. I do not understand how others can be so... driven whilst I am so empty. I never have. And I never will. Everything leading to this point is own my fault - inaction - but laziness is merely a hollow excuse when it was fear that moulded me into whatever it is that I am. I deserve everything, and nothing.
“Mine has been a life of much shame. I can't even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being.”
“Whenever I was asked what I wanted my first impulse was to answer "Nothing." The thought went through my mind that it didn't make any difference, that nothing was going to make me happy.”
“As long as I can make them laugh, it doesn’t matter how, I’ll be alright. If I succeed in that, the human beings probably won’t mind it too much if I remain outside their lives.”
“The weak fear happiness itself. They can harm themselves on cotton wool. Sometimes they are wounded even by happiness.”
“Is it not true that no two human beings understand anything whatsoever about each other, that those who consider themselves bosom friends may be utterly mistaken about their fellow and, failing to realize this sad truth throughout a lifetime, weep when they read in the newspapers about his death?”