Kanojo ga Suki na Mono wa Homo de Atte Boku dewa Nai
She Likes Gays, but Not Me

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This manga was really enjoyable to read up until that ending. I was looking for transgender related manga, or at least manga that deals with gender identity, but I came across this manga that deals with a gay high schooler trying to hide (and philosophize) his sexuality and how society would perecive him if he were to come out.
As a transgender woman this story still hits close to him which is why I'm so depressed now after having read it and feel compelled to write a review for once.
The story exaggerates how society would react to being gay, and they have smartphones in the story ... so I'm guessing this manga is based well past the 2010s. If you live in a Westernized country being gay is viewed more favorable now, although it doesn't mean discrimination doesn't still happen from families and peers of course. Common themes in this manga include what it means to be gay, what's truly "normal", bullying and skewed views on gay people from heteronormative society, and a lot more.
The art was normal.
The main character was likeable, but a lot of the side characters were stereotyping gay people non-stop. I guess that makes sense since it's Japan though, since they're still rather conservative even in 2021.
Overall I enjoyed this manga despite the ending.

If you're an LGBT+ person don't think you're alone in this world and that no one understands you. There are tons of people just like you who will welcome you with open arms as well as support/meet-up groups to help you, so don't go thinking ending your life is the only route available to you. So much happiness can be yours when you overcome the stigma/stereotyping we face daily. Everyday support of us increases, so don't lose hope. Fight for your rights.

Have you ever struggled accepting a part of yourself?

Closeted homosexual highschooler Jun Andou is unhappy with himself, wishing that he could live a life where he gets married to a woman and has children. Then, he stumbles upon Sae Miura, who he finds out is a fujoshi, a fact she hides from others out of fear of being judged. Seeing how he tries to look past the fujoshi label, she ends up falling in love with him, and confesses.

The story exists out of several plotlines involving Jun. Through these, it explores many aspects of its core themes of self acceptance and homosexuality. They ... are handled in such a way, that even if you're not gay yourself, the story is still understandable, moving, and even relatable at times.

One of the messages it portrays, is that of trying to look past the simplifications that we regularly apply to our real-life surroundings. Behind all the characters and their actions are emotions and motivations, that can make you understand why they act the way they do. Though some of these actions are a little uncomfortable. For example, Jun regularly meets up with an older married man for sex. While the man doesn't seem to be a bad person per se, he is not exactly healthy in his mind either, and can come of as creepy. You also get to see some moments of homophobia as well. However, it does all still serve the dramatic story.

What I like about this manga is how it intelligently tries to look into the thoughts and feelings of the characters, or at least give them some space. That way, it paints a bit more of a nuanced picture, where no one is entirely good or bad. It explores the tragic side of being unable to accept something that is a big part of yourself, and at times, it can get rather gut-wrenching.

Originally a novel, the manga seems to have kept its strength. Now told through panels, it has clean artwork, with attractive character designs, while not being stereotypical. The artist has clearly put in the effort to make everyone emotionally expressive, which adds to the weightier moments.

This manga has some beautiful messages, told in an intelligent way and with emotional depth. It was quite a good read.

Bonus: A recurring element is the main character's interest in Queen, occasionally drawing parallels with Freddie Mercury's own homosexuality. The translation that I found would recommend a song of theirs that was thematically relevant for a given chapter. That enhanced the experience, so when you read or finish a chapter, I can recommend you to listen to the corresponding song.

Whew, okay. Just finished reading this, and immediately felt like writing a review, because boy, lots of feelings.

First things first, I am a fujoshi and LGBT+ . I like BL because, in the good stories, there is often a relatable layer (cough, the suffering) and a fantasy layer that provides relief, makes us cry to vent or cry in happiness. I like to bask in those feelings. Generally, BL is not meant to be fully realistic but to provide fantasies - either sexually or emotionally fetichistic ones.

This manga is based on a novel. In my experience, at least when it comes to BL ... works (Japanese) novels are usually more interesting than manga for how psychologically realistic they are, comparatively, and adaptations of novels in manga format can be good or bad at translating the original work's feelings and sensations. I usually prefer novels and manga adaptations of novels for these reasons. I didn't read the novel this is based on, but I did read some excerpts made available by the manga scanlators. It does seem to feel more coherent than the manga. (As a side-note, I read a lot more BL novels and manga than I care to share in my MAL list, so you just have to trust me on this one lol.)

[CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM NOW ON]

The manga starts with a gay high school boy, Jun, who has to pretend he is straight for his bothersome classmates *cough* I mean friends (including but not limited to a fujoshi and a dick groping monster of a childhood friend) while he regularly meets up (ie. has sex) secretly with a married middle-aged man and talks to an internet friend he doesn't know much about except he should be an adult HIV positive gay man.

This rough start for such a cutesy art manga might make you think, okay, this can only go up from there or at least not much lower. But noo, forget it. It goes down, down, down and then it takes a nosedive. Eventually I had to remind myself that, fine, although the main character is a gay boy and this is about his struggles and relationships, this is a josei and I should not have expected fantasies. But even then, this was too cold/hard to the point that it ruined my enjoyment.

Don't get me wrong I love some melodrama. But melodrama has parts in which you have to stop, put the manga aside and cry because it's beautifully sad. This had none of it. It was just "fucking suffer faggot" upon "fucking suffer faggot" in a way that I kept going back and forth in my mind between "this could only have been written by a LGBT+ person" and "this could only have been written by a big homophobe" . Instead of settling on anything I chose to consider every point and write a review to vent.

Because, listen: when disgrace keeps piling up and up and the ONE "happy climax" moment in the entire series involves [HEAVY SPOILERS AHEAD] a fujoshi screaming from the top of her lungs, unprompted, in front of the entire school that she fell in love with you (a gay boy) but you couldn't get your dick up and she ended up seeing you kiss a man and then you conclude that you really like her (?!) and is encouraged to kiss her in front of the whole school, the same school from which you jumped off a window a month before because your "friends" were relentlessly bullying you over sexuality gossip so you still had a broken arm in a cast - my boy, how shitty is your life?! Of course I left out a lot more disgraceful things including but not limited to death and disease and so on - -

And what about the reliefs? Well, there are basically none. His straight dick-groping-monster friend does try his best to be considerate, and so does the annoyingly ignorant fujoshi, but honestly I would still have wanted to punch them if I was the MC and the other "aww" moments were when a gay boy from his school who had bullied him comes to ask for forgiveness, and a couple of confessions that end up in disgrace.

In short, it's almost aggressive and homophobic in the way that only bad things ever happen to the poor kid and the few good things or people don't fully acknowledge who he is (an amazingly strong fortress I must say) until he finally runs away to start anew. The handling of HIV in particular felt odd to me - not sure if it's still a disease mostly transmitted through MSM in Japan but it screamed kind of 90s-2000s to me. Even worse, boy freaks out about possibly being HIV-positive and then doesn't get tested (not because he is troubled over being stigmatized or anything he just forgets it apparently) . Anyways the very "us vs them" vibes also scream 90s-2000s to me. Now it just feels outdated because thankfully it's not the 90s-2000s anymore. In that sense I understand the reviews that call it overdramatized because that's what it is. The events themselves, though, aren't overdramatizing. The suffering is also very much realistic. But at some point I did wonder if I was reading the guy's POV even because it's amazing how NO ONE sides with him or is able to say "okay you're gay soo ...?" .

All of my observations forced me to consider four things. One, as I said - this isn't BL, it's not meant to appase or cheer up BL fans. Two, it's the reality of a country I don't live in so I don't know many things. Third, perhaps the author isn't very young so some of it may feel inadequate even to present time Japan. Lastly, it's originally a novel and not all novels translate well to manga format. And I believe that reading a lot of disgraceful moments in beautiful words, better spaced out, might have been more insteresting. Because as it is all I see is a bunch of interesting ideas, poorly or underdeveloped.

Anyway, no reliefs, just a lot of pent up anger and unformed tears on my part. I didn't manage to cry even once - the feelings and thoughts just bubbled up because: no relief - but I did punch my hand some 10 times because I wanted to punch "Ono" but couldn't. Actually scratch that I kind of wanted to punch everyone. Out of all people I probably had the most sympathy for the gay characters for at least being humane but people usually don't like them because one is "a pedo" and the other is "a middle schooler who dated his cousin" so no sympathies from most readers, probably. The fujoshi doesn't say a single wise word, girl is a total airhead and terribly ignorant of LGBT+ issues but at least is funny sometimes. Groping monster is somehow even worse and it's a pity they didn't date from the beginning, would have avoided much trouble. Oh well, life ...

In short, as I see it, the manga reads more as a guidebook on how to not treat LGBT+ people and a pool of badly executed great ideas. It should've been called "Not getting hard to girls is hard" because it would be more accurate but oh well. And so if God is a fujoshi how do you explain me wasting time reading this because there isn't enough good BL? You don't. Review over.