| 1. No. One of my lecturers told me at university that life is all a struggle, but it's about learning to be comfortable struggling. Like Dylan Thomas wrote, "Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light." If you give up, you've lost the fight already, and you'll consider life pointless. You will spend the rest of your days in isolation, depressed and hating yourself or your genes for it. Don't. The beauty of humanity is that we can, and always will fight, so fight for what you believe, fight against your genes, or fate or God or whomever gave you those shitty genes. Stick a middle finger up his ass. I believe you can do it, because isn't that what we're all trying to do? Fight for what we believe in, against the unrealistic odds that we'll become millionaires or successful? 2. It doesn't matter who is to blame. What matters is the solution to overcome your problem. Finding out what is to blame is a step down the road of becoming complacent with who you are. Don't waste time being satisfied with who you are, you can become so much more. 3. I too, am scared of putting myself out there and getting hurt, most of us are, it's part of being human. And having all these problems doesn't mean you're not deserving of love or understanding. We all deserve someone who we can be happy and sad with. There's fricking 7 billion people out there, and you're telling me not a single one will love you for who you are and the things you've suffered? There's a 1 in 285,000 chance of finding the one, but that odds a LOT fucking bigger than 0%. 4. It doesn't matter what set of cards life gives you. What matters is how much you make of it. I hope these answers help, I spent awhile thinking and typing it out. Edit: I also quick-read parts of your post, so sorry if part of my answers derail |
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| 1. No 2. Doesn't matter, don't dwell on that 3. Not sure what to say 4. You can't choose your blessings, and you never *did* something, nor do you *deserve* these things I doubt this much helps at all, but I figure you may appreciate at least one person posting on this seriously |
| Your shit is like the police asking us questions. Nigga we don't know shit. |
incisorr said: i love it when people start acting like some neutral almighty unbiased godly judge and they even believe their own shit, suddenly its not their thoughts and opinions anymore but the righteous justice god way, they are unbiased, non-subjective, they just are! To be honest, everyone is like this quite often, me included, but i don't forget myself and i still post a lot of personal shit which is what forums are made for , if they didn't want us to have our own style and posts it would be an article instead a forum thread. |
| have you tried turning urself off and then on again Sounds pretty rough, just know you've got about the same value as everyone else (not much really) and therefore deserve someone who at least understands ya |
イカロス --I K A R O S D E S U-- "Hai master" <3cruise   Becoming the bell of my heart dont click here, baka -->> https://soundcloud.com/franciscan-guitar |
AlmostGod said: Thank you, this did make me feel less of a freak and more like a human being. Like I just wanna be a part of something, and not so out of place whereever I am. It is like, everyday I am spectating others lives as an outcast, the lives I probably will never have, / can´t relate. And in the end it gets me to thinking, if this is the case then what am I even trying so hard for? I fake being okay like 98% of the time. The thing is I am not even scared of death or anything, infact I wish and wait for it and that is what scares me the most now. I just love nature, I look at society full of these moralities and bs and feel so out of it, like I was just not suppose to be.. Then I look in the nature and it makes me feel as If my existence is not that wrong afterall, then the dogs of course, my best friends has always been them. I just wanna go out there and kidnap every single dog I see and isolate myself from humanity that didn´t want me in the first place anyway. I wanted to study biology back then, I wanted to make a difference, I had so many big ambitions and goals, such as taking over the world, making it a better place, saving the humanity and the world etc. Now It just seems like the biggest joke ever I mean look at my pathetic instabile self who is not even able to save herself to start with. The truth is, the only thing standing in your way, is yourself. The only thing your fighting, is yourself. And you're winning and losing. The hardest battle you'll ever fight is against yourself, so stop beating yourself up, because you're facing the hardest boss in the game first. Everything you dreamed, you can accomplish it all, and more. All you need to do is motivate yourself to take a step forward, instead of being stuck questioning, doubting, and pitying yourself. Life is all about moving forward, that's all it is, one small step at a time. I know you can do it, use the fact that people like me care and believe in you to be the motivation towards taking the first step. After all, all journeys begin with a single step in the right direction! Hope this makes you feel better |
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| 1.Don't give up on life, i watched enough anime to know that, and from personal experience don't give, life is shit, last school year, i though i was going to be a loner but i met a friend from 3rd grade and we became best friend, and i even got a girlfriend, even if i was reluctant on having a girlfriend before. But my best friend is moving to a far away city and my girlfriend goes to another college than me, and her house is 1h from mine, so it's safe to assume my relationship is fucked, and college is oing to be hard but i don't give up, even if i am avoiding reality for the summer break with anime. 2.Don't hate yourself it doesn't do anything good, and personally i don't hate myself but i hate some parts of myself, so might not get your problem but i'm like super shy, i'm like almost shaking if i talk to someone i don't know, i try to say to myself that it's no problem but it never works, i really hate that and now i just go with it however i can. So i guess try to accept who you are, and have fun with what you enjoy, when i'm in a bad mood i do that and i get better. And paying the blame game is useless. 3.Everyone has good in them, and being a loner isn't a solution, some friends IRL are always nice, and if you make friends and they accept who you are, your good and bad sides, you might have a deep relation, and if you hurt them and you think it was because of your problem that's their fault, don't blame yourself. 4.Life is shit, but hang onto the things you enjoy to make life a little bit less shit. I hoped i helped and if not, too bad, and sorry if you think i talked about me too much |
The idea behind that is that it personally helps myself do get away from reality but seems like it didn't help you, sorry and about the meds i don't know shit about it, so no help there from me. |
AlmostGod said: So here are some of the questions I been meaning to ask: 1. Do you think I am just hopeless and can never have a true life and should just give up trying already? 2. Who/what is to blame for me being the person I am, Why do people keep thinking I choose to be the way I am. I been struggling against my inner demons my whole life long, and if there is someone hated it the most, that is me. I mean all my problems started since birth (which is another tragic story of my mom actually wanting to get an abortion due to pressure of my relatives thinking there should be noone sharing the genes of someone as fucked up as my father, but shit happened and here I am, bla blah. thx daddy u rock) I can not stop thinking about this daily, I have a feeling it would have been million times better if that abortion thing had happened for real. 3. I wanna make friends, I wanna live a normal(atleast as normal as it gets after this point) life like everyone else. I want a serious deep relationship. These are truly what I am in need of instead of trying to fill my emptiness with temporary bullshit that never seems to help, or getting one med prescribed one after another. But I am scared. I am scared of the person I am, and I am scared of leaving myself open to feelings/to get hurt. I only use my sadistic tendencies on people I think who deserves it (totally depending on my sense of justice, such as bullies, whatever) except for the times my explosive side takes control over. But like in reality I do think and wanna believe I am a good person afterall? (somewhat, somehow?) Do you think I don´t deserve anyones love or understanding and should just give up on humans already and go live with my plants and 495 dogs completely isolated from the world? 4. Why does everything suck? Why did I have to win the lottery for all this? 1. You're not hopeless, it just a phase on your life. I think you should try to find a "friend" :) 2. Well, my grandpa always told me, "life is all about choices and every choice has they consequences" and we choose our own fate and live with it. If you dislike it, then why don't try to cross the Rubicon? :) left everything behind and start anew. 3. I know how it feels. really. once I was a fully fucked up NEET. my only advice is just keep living, suicide is surely a tempting offer in this phase. 4. Okay, I dont know how to answer about this one. -_- |
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| Can u change yr name to IAmAPhase But different from almost god tho ha |
イカロス --I K A R O S D E S U-- "Hai master" <3cruise Becoming the bell of my heart dont click here, baka -->> https://soundcloud.com/franciscan-guitar |
| your therapist doesn't sound very good its a psychologists job to prescribe meds, then lie and tell you medicine will cure your life. a therapist is supposed to listen and get you on the right track to bettering your life I suggest you get a new therapist cause the one you mentioned sounds like garbage. |
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AlmostGod said: lmfao smh. @Sayanna actually it is a psychiatrists job to prescribe meds and he is actually the best therapist I had (compared to all the other ones) But that sorta changed after he wanted to get me hospitilized in a psych ward owned by military. I thought I could trust him better and open up more, heck I was wrong :L And now I got a bodyguard sticking around my ass. Oh well...... Ahh Woopse they sound similar my bad. but yea, therapists cant make you take medicine, that's up to you and from experience, they normally want to put you in a mental hospital if they're concerned about suicide. Psych wards are boring as hell but they help I'm not sure about the bodyguard thing, closest I've ever seen to that is people having personal nurses following them |
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AlmostGod said: lmfao smh. @Sayanna actually it is a psychiatrists job to prescribe meds and he is actually the best therapist I had (compared to all the other ones) But that sorta changed after he wanted to get me hospitilized in a psych ward owned by military. I thought I could trust him better and open up more, heck I was wrong :L And now I got a bodyguard sticking around my ass. Oh well...... Does a psychiatrist really help? Suffering from depression for the past 4-5 years, I finally made an appointment to see a doctor next week (after putting it off for so long). Since I'm guessing they'll either send me to see a psychiatrist or put me on meds, I was just curious. I really don't understand how a therapist can help though. All they do is probe deeper and deeper into your mind, when you're depressed, that's the last place you want to be. |
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DearlyDie said: AlmostGod said: lmfao smh. @Sayanna actually it is a psychiatrists job to prescribe meds and he is actually the best therapist I had (compared to all the other ones) But that sorta changed after he wanted to get me hospitilized in a psych ward owned by military. I thought I could trust him better and open up more, heck I was wrong :L And now I got a bodyguard sticking around my ass. Oh well...... Does a psychiatrist really help? Suffering from depression for the past 4-5 years, I finally made an appointment to see a doctor next week (after putting it off for so long). Since I'm guessing they'll either send me to see a psychiatrist or put me on meds, I was just curious. I really don't understand how a therapist can help though. All they do is probe deeper and deeper into your mind, when you're depressed, that's the last place you want to be. a psychiatrist gives you medicine to fake happieness it doesnt improve the situation, but rather releases chemicals in your brain a therapist helps you overcome traumas and gives you good coping skills I was on the verge of murdering myself before i saw my therapist now i moved out of my abusive familys house and am going to california soon all without meds. the thing you have to remember about therapy is "it gets worse before it gets better" |
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| should probably try Jesus see how it turns out |
| A body guard? Start slinging crack and use him as a shield |
イカロス --I K A R O S D E S U-- "Hai master" <3cruise Becoming the bell of my heart dont click here, baka -->> https://soundcloud.com/franciscan-guitar |
| @AlmostGod @Sayanna Honestly, my biggest fear is that they'll just turn me down, and say nothing's wrong. Since my depression is cyclical, there's times it's really bad and there's times I just don't feel anything. A few months ago, I convinced myself I was bipolar, and when I went to see the doctor, they said how it's a slim chance, and I'd have to come back in regularly so they can keep a record and diagnose me if I was. I didn't go back again. I think that I know I'm depressed, I have no motivation to work hard, and no dreams I can think of wanting to achieve. I isolate myself constantly, and push my friends and family away, to the point I cut off virtually all contact if let to my own devices. But I don't let myself believe it, I'm scared of believing it. So I've turned down going to the doctors all these years. Plus, the social anxiety/nihilistic pessimism I have make me feel like going to see a therapist is pointless, and I'm scared of the weight gaining aspect of medication (since I'm already really conscious about my weight). To be honest, I don't even know what to do. I just want to feel normal again. So should I just be happy on the meds if the doctor sticks them on me? @Sayanna Also I forgot to say, great to hear you're doing better! |
DearlyDieAug 11, 2017 1:09 PM
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| Sorry I just couldnt pass the first sentence. But all the people who gave a serios answer in this topic gained my respect. |
DearlyDie said: @AlmostGod @Sayanna Honestly, my biggest fear is that they'll just turn me down, and say nothing's wrong. Since my depression is cyclical, there's times it's really bad and there's times I just don't feel anything. A few months ago, I convinced myself I was bipolar, and when I went to see the doctor, they said how it's a slim chance, and I'd have to come back in regularly so they can keep a record and diagnose me if I was. I didn't go back again. I think that I know I'm depressed, I have no motivation to work hard, and no dreams I can think of wanting to achieve. I isolate myself constantly, and push my friends and family away, to the point I cut off virtually all contact if let to my own devices. But I don't let myself believe it, I'm scared of believing it. So I've turned down going to the doctors all these years. Plus, the social anxiety/nihilistic pessimism I have make me feel like going to see a therapist is pointless, and I'm scared of the weight gaining aspect of medication (since I'm already really conscious about my weight). To be honest, I don't even know what to do. I just want to feel normal again. So should I just be happy on the meds if the doctor sticks them on me? @Sayanna Also I forgot to say, great to hear you're doing better! I thought that too when i first went to see a therapist they're not allowed to turn you down. they gotta do their job and from what you described they wont turn you down and if you're scared of taking meds you don't have to, you have the right to say "no i don't want to" also thank you for clarification, its not like the depression is gone, you cant cure that but hey im not suicidal anymore! |
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| So, anyways. Here are you answers: 1. No, I don't think you should give up on trying but instead keep on trying. Every human lives this life being around with despair, sadness, pain and other negative emotions. As once a wise person said: "If you wish to draw pleasure out of life you must attach value to the world". Therefore, you should try to find "bindings" which helps you to live on even though you are enduring such a great pain in this life. Thus existence is marked by conflict, struggle and dissatisfaction. To sum it all up, you can have a "true" life, it's just how you are trying to approach it. And if you are even thinking about "giving up" you should consider through which situations you have been through and is it worth it to dump your life away after all you have been through? You must remember that bad experiences are still experiences, which leads the human to realize about having good experiences in life. Therefore, everybody had bad situations coming up in their lifes, it's just a matter of managing them. 2. The one to blame in here, is probably yourself. In all respect, those "demons" you are (methaphorically?) talking about came inside somehow. They tend to strike if the person tend to have uncertainty of a strong-will. As long as, you blame your birth for your life there is no reason to ask for responses to this question in the first place. In my opinion your birth has nothing to do with all this stuff, indeed, it's probably yourself letting these horrific "beings" get inside you. Who cares about your parents, if you are the living of your own life? Who cares about some "fucked up genes running through you" if you are the only person on earth being capable of judgemental capabilities of your life? You need to stop blaming your parents but instead try to live on better than they have ever did. It's easy to blame somebody, matter of fact, myself have been through this, so I can tell. Just try to not think about anything but your own life and managing these issues soomehow. Sure, your parents and their past must have been a burden towards yourself, but that's not a proper reason to let yourself down,imo. 3. Well, this is someting really difficult to explain. As for myself, I think humans in the reality tend to act way more cruel than on the internet. Therefor, humans act after egoistic tendencies. So personally, I would try to not approach humans in reality for now, unless you already have met some that you can think of are nice and kind and are acting with a pure will as of helping you altruistically. Since the most the humans you tend to encounter are likely going to be distant and egoistic, but that's only my opinion.With the approach of opening your feelings , matter of fact, you may get hurt but that's the risk everybody takes in opening them. Last but not least, I do think everybody may be able to get into a relationship/friendship and if you seek for it, you shall get it. There is nothing like an undeserving aspect. Everybody deserves this, so why should not you? Just try to not open yourself too quickly and be patient. 4. Well, this is the type of question everybody uses to confront themselves after having such a tragic life. Nonetheless, this is an aspect where yours, truly, only could get an answer to depending in what you believe etc. (f.exp. fate, a test,..). PS: Even though I am no psychiatrist, you may not look at this regarding that anything would help. This is just me, stating my opinion, therefore justified by my own thoughts only. Hope, this helps. |
SilenceeDGAFAug 11, 2017 1:24 PM
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AlmostGod said: Sayanna said: a psychiatrist gives you medicine to fake happieness it doesnt improve the situation, but rather releases chemicals in your brain a therapist helps you overcome traumas and gives you good coping skills I was on the verge of murdering myself before i saw my therapist now i moved out of my abusive familys house and am going to california soon all without meds. the thing you have to remember about therapy is "it gets worse before it gets better" Psychiatrists can give therapies too, it is just therapists not being able to prescribe meds my doctor takes care of it all for me and he has been giving me quite alot of options and ways to keep myself together, gotta give him the credits now. also I am happy to hear you are doing better now all without the meds! I hope I can quit all of them for good one day too. I was looking forward to quit them/get them replaced with lighter stuff at my last appointment since my brain doesn´t function anymore and took some longass tests all I got was extra meds added to them and possible increase in dosage in future (depending on how I am doing while being under supervision) :/ @Daddy-O But I am God. uhhm, you're not supposed to be taking more than one medicine at a time no wonder you're feeling foggy, I think your doctor's mishandling your medication I know someone that got addicted to this stuff for a year cause of that and it really messed up his brain. idk, from what you've been describing it sounds a lot like they just want to give you medicine without dealing with your situation and that's not therapy. Depression meds only work if you take them along side talk therapists. and the meds are all supposed to be temporary but you seem to be on too many meds i think you should ask to go off some of them. thats really not good for you. |
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| @AlmostGod Lol, honestly, I'm way too scared to speak my mind freely. I always overestimate others and underestimate myself. Like honestly, when I talk to people like you and Sayanna that have really gone to the limit of depression, I just convince myself to suck it up, because I shouldn't have any reason to be depressed compared to you guys, and that I'm just being self-centered. Which just ends up making me more depressed. Even now I'm scared of how I'm derailing the topic, and talking about just me. Man, I'm fucked in the head, lol. @AlmostGod @Sayanna But, thank you both. I seriously mean it. I feel much more confident in believing seeing a doctor is the first step towards treatment. My appointment's on Tuesday, so fingers crossed it goes well. |
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AlmostGod said: SilenceeDGAF said: 2. The one to blame in here, is probably yourself. In all respect, those "demons" you are (methaphorically?) talking about came inside somehow. They tend to strike if the person tend to have uncertainty of a strong-will. As long as, you blame your birth for your life there is no reason to ask for responses to this question in the first place. In my opinion your birth has nothing to do with all this stuff, indeed, it's probably yourself letting these horrific "beings" get inside you. Who cares about your parents, if you are the living of your own life? Who cares about some "fucked up genes running through you" if you are the only person on earth being capable of judgemental capabilities of your life? You need to stop blaming your parents but instead try to live on better than they have ever did. It's easy to blame somebody, matter of fact, myself have been through this, so I can tell. Just try to not think about anything but your own life and managing these issues soomehow. Sure, your parents and their past must have been a burden towards yourself, but that's not a proper reason to let yourself down,imo. But I simply can´t. And yes I blame the genes I got, because this shit comes inherited from genes. Well, matter of perspective...... |
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| @DearlyDie No, you're not self centered at all, its good to open up to people you shouldnt keep it all inside. that's what makes it hurt. @AlmostGod Sometimes doctors are wrong. |
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AlmostGod said: Ok let me put it this way. Let´s say you are born disabled with no arm, would having a different perspective change the fact that you are missing an arm and will never be able to know/do some stuff like others do no matter how much you struggle. Believe me I am the last person to create unnecessary problems of my own as my life has always been filled up with more than enough anyway. I am trying to stay positive despite it all but it only gets so far considering the situations I am in. Well, you simply can't compare having no arm, and therefore being uncapable of knowing what the value of the arm is to smth. like some "demons" or "bad genes" you apparently have got from your parents. Imo, having no arm is a condition you were born with, but having sadness and all of that stuff being lead into you from "genes" is just a sacrificial lamb you have put up for yourself. But enough of that. This discussion should not be focused on this any futher. |
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| Yeah, most psychiatric medications are goddamned debilitating. I really doubt you'd get very far depending on those things to control your behavior long-term. The best advice I can think of is to learn precisely how "normal" people think, and to more often consider how such a person would react to a given situation. If you really want to change yourself, you should model yourself after the person you want to become. Regarding depression, it can be useful to have several activities that you can completely immerse yourself in. |
| Be thankful for the wisdom granted to you. |
DearlyDie said: @Sayanna @AlmostGod Thanks, are you guys ok with me PM'ing you after I see my doctor? You guys are awesome and I'd hate to lose contact Thats fine with me, Sorry if I'm not online though, Tuesdays are busy for me. |
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AlmostGod said: SilenceeDGAF said: Well, you simply can't compare having no arm, and therefore being uncapable of knowing what the value of the arm is to smth. like some "demons" or "bad genes" you apparently have got from your parents. Imo, having no arm is a condition you were born with, but having sadness and all of that stuff being lead into you from "genes" is just a sacrificial lamb you have put up for yourself. But enough of that. This discussion should not be focused on this any futher. Seeing as how incapable you are of understanding and how ignorant you are about this all, I agree, we have nothing to discuss anymore... Tho I must say, I am a bit disappointed, I thought you would be better than this. @MortalMelancholy Yeah most of the time irl I manage to get by fine, I know how to react in given situations, appear to be a normal person etc. It is just my explosive side I can´t ccntrol that fucks me up the most, also the feeling of never being completely satisfied :/ But oh well. I managed to learn my triggers over the time and notice that "I am losing it/about to lose it" before anything irreversible happens and I am able to isolate myself/warn the agressor and go take some sedatives etc, often saves me from quite a trouble, tho It is not always a guarantee but got slightly better over the time, so I feel. rip. ;-;. *30 characters,smh..........* |
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| 1. No. You're not watching enough anime, kid. 2. Blame the circumstances..? But no. As if we can do something about it. We all have our own struggles in life. Yours is just different. You've been surrounded by 'wrong' people all along so I somehow understand your position. Don't blame yourself. But hey, life is what you make it. You choose who and what kind of person you want to become and change it for the better. You decide your life's direction. 3. Having plants and dogs as company is not bad, I think XD Friends? Just surround yourself with 'good' people with 'good' vibes. These types of people usually don't give a shit about people's background and see you as who you are. And how are you gonna do it? Guess.. 4. I'm pretty sure it's not 'everything'. And don't worry. You're not the only one, I'm sure, so you may now stop thinking that you're 'special'. Gee.. I don't want to see another one saying "I'm like 'this' because of 'this' and 'that'". What a lame excuse. |
"We're all human. We all make mistakes sometimes. Just don't make mistakes when lives are at stake." ~ Great-Grandmother Mikage, Gin no Saji |
| Modern culture really needs to be more open and caring about mental illness. I have a friend who posts on facebook about doctors doing experimental stuff on him because he had schizophrenic episodes of seeing aliens. (Or maybe it was the other way around). I havent even met with him in real life yet since high school because Im afraid my parents will condemn it (just because he's not educated or rich) and I feel guilty for that. I genuinely believe human bonding can help with mental illness, but we hardly do this as a culture, at least where I am in USA. You have to be there for people at their best and worst times, but we only like to give attention to people in their best times and live vicariously through them. Ignoring the flaws in people wont help. Instead of playing, listening, cooking, and basic interaction with people we lock them up in jail or give them pills to shut down their nervous system. It is scary. The system is pretty anti-human. I'm on prozac and I think about getting off it everyday. Not against meds or anything, but sometimes other external therapies can help. I hope you find someone in your life who can help you, and I hope our culture will change to support mental illness better. |
metem_psychosisAug 11, 2017 2:23 PM
hypocrite_tenma said: Modern culture really needs to be more open and caring about mental illness. I have a friend who posts on facebook about doctors doing experimental stuff on him because he had schizophrenic episodes of seeing aliens. (Or maybe it was the other way around). I havent even met with him in real life yet since high school because Im afraid my parents will condemn it (just because he's not educated or rich) and I feel guilty for that. I genuinely believe human bonding can help with mental illness, but we hardly do this as a culture, at least where I am in USA. You have to be there for people at their best and worst times, but we only like to give attention to people in their best times and live vicariously through them. Ignoring the flaws in people wont help. Instead of playing, listening, cooking, and basic interaction with people we lock them up in jail or give them pills to shut down their nervous system. It is scary. The system is pretty anti-human. I'm on prozac and I think about getting off it everyday. Not against meds or anything, but sometimes other external therapies can help. I hope you find someone in your life who can help you, and I hope our culture will change to support mental illness better. Negative emotions are wrong and must never be seen by the public eye!! |
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Alright Sinister I'm retarded so don't take it too seriously but here's my take;
Coming from someone with all kinds of (less drastic) mental afflictions. Learning to meditate really helped me relativate and chill out about things. I can't stress enough the importance of connecting with nature and learning to let things gone by go. Going with the flow until you build the motivation/courage to find your place by yourself. |
PernodiAug 11, 2017 3:00 PM
AlmostGod said: Vokren said: Life decided you should play on hardcore mode. It's hard, but if you win the game you'll get tons of EXP and be overleveled for the people who started the same time as you. Will I get good teammates and epic shiny drops in the end too? rofl. Oh well... aiji_hotaru said: 1. No. You're not watching enough anime, kid. 2. Blame the circumstances..? But no. As if we can do something about it. We all have our own struggles in life. Yours is just different. You've been surrounded by 'wrong' people all along so I somehow understand your position. Don't blame yourself. But hey, life is what you make it. You choose who and what kind of person you want to become and change it for the better. You decide your life's direction. 3. Having plants and dogs as company is not bad, I think XD Friends? Just surround yourself with 'good' people with 'good' vibes. These types of people usually don't give a shit about people's background and see you as who you are. And how are you gonna do it? Guess.. 4. I'm pretty sure it's not 'everything'. And don't worry. You're not the only one, I'm sure, so you may now stop thinking that you're 'special'. Gee.. I don't want to see another one saying "I'm like 'this' because of 'this' and 'that'". What a lame excuse. Geezz. I just admitted being as pathetic as it gets several times making this topic, despite it being highly against my nature. And you are telling me to stop feeling special? Yeah, I am trying, I am constantly trying and trying and trying. It is just people around me have lost/losing patience and faith in me, and things don´t seem to turn out for the better in the end so I am considering other types of salvation methods that happens to be dying/or whatever. Cause I am fucking frustrated of it all, you know? Friends? I had made some.. Or so I thought I did, untill I scared them off. -___- Certainly dying is not a good option. Maybe you're overthinking. And if so, stop. Maybe you're emitting too much bad vibe, you know. Like the "Kuroshite ageru.."-look when you're looking and talking with people, which scares them away. And don't just randomly brand the people you met as 'friends'. Real friends stay after knowing the 'real' you. In your case, clearly they're not. You should add 'acquaintance' and 'casual come-and-go' people on your vocabulary. |
"We're all human. We all make mistakes sometimes. Just don't make mistakes when lives are at stake." ~ Great-Grandmother Mikage, Gin no Saji |
AlmostGod said: Pernodi said: Alright Sinister I'm retarded so don't take it too seriously but here's my take;
Coming from someone with all kinds of (less drastic) mental afflictions. Learning to meditate really helped me relativate and chill out about things. I can't stress enough the importance of connecting with nature and learning to let things gone by go. Going with the flow until you build the motivation/courage to find your place by yourself. Welp.. I can not lay off the meds randomly like that first of all, they are addicting and randomly deciding to quit them on my own without supervision could lead to a disaster, secondly I am forced to take them or go spend my life in a psych ward. It is true that they are killing me and I need to quit them asap but given my situation It´s not even up to me to decide that anymore. Yes, I been even considering to pick up school from where I left and study biology. But I seriously don´t have a mind that functions and allows me to do stuff like this anymore, so I just created my own little mother nature in my home and got a couple of plant buddies. I am looking so forward to a day where I can be taken off these meds and use my brain again and do the stuff I always wanted to (if that day would ever come) And as for hobbies, I kick asses and punch people and sing my heart out. Ok. about friends part.... Hmm well :/ I wish I didn´t scare people away. But it is like I wanna be open about myself and not hide/lie things, it is too exhausting to build some fake friendships only to get them blown away after some stuff gets revealed later on. I had quite alot experiences about this. So I don´t wanna waste more time and put up some effort/feelings into relationships to be abondoned one day after my mask gets revealed. why would you spend your life in a psych ward usually they only put people there that long if they're dangerous or they legitimately cant function on their own and even then, they cant force people to stay. who told you this? |
GummyShoesAug 11, 2017 3:34 PM
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AlmostGod said: aiji_hotaru said: -___- Certainly dying is not a good option. Maybe you're overthinking. And if so, stop. Maybe you're emitting too much bad vibe, you know. Like the "Kuroshite ageru.."-look when you're looking and talking with people, which scares them away. And don't just randomly brand the people you met as 'friends'. Real friends stay after knowing the 'real' you. In your case, clearly they're not. You should add 'acquaintance' and 'casual come-and-go' people on your vocabulary. Yeah... If that is the case my whole life been one big lie, let alone friends. I am seeking some real stuff now and I hope to find what I seek one day, I know dying is not an option tho I haven´t yet found a good reason to be alive, It is like I wouldn´t go take my life by my own hands I know that, but like I wouldn´t mind getting hit by a car and die like anytime soon either. You know? Als I don´t know what Kuroshite ageru means. Sayanna said: why would you spend your life in a psych ward usually they only put people there that long if they're dangerous or they legitimately cant function on their own and even then, they cant force people to stay. who told you this? "usually they only put people there that long if they're dangerous" And my doctor did. Besides my diagnosises they have records to back up that I should be kept under supervision/not let out to roam around so freely... Well, Mental hospitals are only meant to stabilize you and give you healthy coping skills being there long term is pointless. You're probably better off where you are now, but maybe try to ask your doc about lowering your dose so you're not so foggy. Although, you did say your therapist doesn't really talk to you so i still think you should try to look for a better one. but that's up to you |
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AlmostGod said: @Sayanna Yes, though my case is not something harmless such as depression/anorexia/disassociation etc, so I get put up with people my level to a modern "healing cells" It is their way of saying, "We gave up on you, how about you just go rot in a cell instead, for everyones sake." My doctor doesn´t talk much, he is rather a man of few words, tho when he does he speaks a bit too cruel and the truth, and I must say It is a way to get my serious attention and learn atleast a bit. I mean I did ask for that and he decided not to reduce any meds or dosages but in fact add up to them and this last one is doing its job on increasing my thinking/concentration ability so it seems, which is also the reason I started dwelling in all of these thoughts of all sudden whereas I was just fucking around, having no sense of anything or point in my life just a couple of days ago even. :c Our mental health system is amazing isnt it? Your first post says you're diagnosed as a sociopath with sadistic personality disorder is that what your doctor said or did he say Anti-social personality disorder cause if he said sociopath i think he might be a bit bias against you for your diagnosis Sociopath isn't the proper term for it and isn't used by psychologists & therapists its only said on TV it was taken out of DSM5 almost a decade ago ASPD like everything else obviously cant be fixed but your doctor should be helping you deal with it better. |
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AlmostGod said: Sayanna said: Our mental health system is amazing isnt it? Your first post says you're diagnosed as a sociopath with sadistic personality disorder is that what your doctor said or did he say Anti-social personality disorder cause if he said sociopath i think he might be a bit bias against you for your diagnosis Sociopath isn't the proper term for it and isn't used by psychologists & therapists its only said on TV it was taken out of DSM5 almost a decade ago ASPD like everything else obviously cant be fixed but your doctor should be helping you deal with it better. No, I got labeled some of those fancy terms, in my records and got a personal ID to receive sometime soon just especially made for me <3 I just tried to sum it up Yes It is ASPD along with some other stuff, and I am basically marked as highly aggressive instabile/dangerous person in their list due to some tests I took/our talks/and my past records in school/streets, hell they even wanted to know of my family past. thus this all... and some heavy antipsychotics and sedatives I am forced to take, that could make me drop dead any given sec, I noticed I can´t even kickbox anymore without my heart feeling like it is going to stop/whatever. :L and sometimes get seizures.. Also I got some civil rights taken from me, and gonna be kept under close watch for atleast 6 months to decide what I am to be done with next. <3333 can´t wait, lmfao. Your therapist should be teaching you how to manage your aggression in a productive manner, not giving you sedatives. How long have you been seeing this therapist? |
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AlmostGod said: Sayanna said: Your therapist should be teaching you how to manage your aggression in a productive manner, not giving you sedatives. How long have you been seeing this therapist? Yeah he approved of me using martial arts as a coping way for my violent tendencies, but the meds I am on, don´t even allow me to be physically fit anymore :l He also even suggested BDSM making sure of the safety of my partner, tho I am having a bit trouble lately finding me a freak like that. All the other doctors I had didn´t do much different about the meds and all, oh well... Atleast this guy seems to be atleast coming up with some logical coping ways at me. I use to take be on 2 diff antidepressants, some sleeping pills to help me sleep, an insta effect kinda sedative (not on a regular basis but when I felt the need of it) But lately I been noticing it myself, that I been a little too out of it and getting my ugly side out of control so often, thus I got my ariririririrproza.. Well... Will see how this goes :< I mean, He is trying to do all he can really, he is no magician afterall. The current mental health system is not that improved to come with some alternate fixes for stuff like these like we mentioned before. Kickboxing and BDSM are good coping skills yea but its not gonna do much if you cant really use them cause your meds are making you too tired to kickbox . and yea, he's no magician and not much is known about ASPD right now so your doc is going off of maybe 2 pages of research. imo i just think he should be dealing with it a little better instead of drugging you up. but perhaps thats my personal bias's speaking for me. |
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| Can you please tell your therapist to fuck off and stop taking any pills or other form of "medicine"? Sorry but truth is that he doesn't give a fuck about you or your mental and physical health. How did you even allow that to happen?! |
| 1. Stupid question. No one is hopeless. You can save yourself, it's just a matter of how bad you want it. No one can tell you what to do, only you yourself can do that. (Giving up) Trying to look for a form of external validation for something so critical to your own well-being is just plain stupid. Would I ask someone if I should kill myself? No. If I wanted to kill myself, I'd do it. Realize that no one is responsible for your happiness but yourself. 2. Stop looking for excuses as to why you are the way you are. The problem begins and starts with you and only you. The way you think, the way you are, the way you react to certain situations, certain feelings, etc. There are some things you can't control in your life, sure. But one thing you can control is how you let these things affect you. Had a terrible childhood? Too fucking bad, it's hard being me as well. It's hard being any one of us, but you've got to keep trying and reminding yourself that you can be better, and you will be better. The mind is a powerful thing. You fill it with enough positive thoughts and you'll soon be on your way towards self-improvement and change-- but if you constantly fill your mind with self-doubt, confusion, and dread, what do you think will happen? 3. You don't know what you need right now. Want to know how I know? Because you're looking at an anime site for answers, of all places. What you need to do is search within yourself, and stop asking others. Stop looking for validation from others. Look and search within yourself. Take some time off, I mean, some real time off. Do some real thinking, something introspective, try something new. You think you want these things because you've never experienced it, but life isn't that easy. You can't just "fix" yourself because of other people, or by simply getting into a serious, deep relationship. These things can serve as a catalyst; motivation towards self-improvement and self-growth, sure. But that's all it can be, motivation. It starts with you. You have to want this. Not your friends, not your lover, not your family, you. 4. Everything sucks because you let it suck. |
CigaretteAug 11, 2017 5:57 PM
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AlmostGod said: kawaii96desu said: Can you please tell your therapist to fuck off and stop taking any pills or other form of "medicine"? Sorry but truth is that he doesn't give a fuck about you or your mental and physical health. How did you even allow that to happen?! Eh.... It all started the first time I was kicked off my home and was handed over to my uncles, who forcingly took me to a so called doctor to help me and I got drugged, then shortly became addicted to them, and unable to give fucks about anything anymore, except for some internal crisises I happen to get now and then, like I did this morning. Now I feel like my whole life is coming crashing down as I am sitting here, unable to do shit about it, due to all the drugs I been fed up with, not to mention the lack of feels/planning and being reckless about health/safety in nature coming from my disorder anyway. Disorder, huh? Well, it's up to you. You can always give up and spend the rest of your conscious days watching your life crashing down or you can try to regain control and keep on fighting. They kicked you out of your home then took you to the doctor who basically "helped" you by drugging you. I think it's pretty easy to see that your real enemy is neither mental illnesses nor personality disorders. Cigarette said: Mental illnesses and disorders are real, and it's a shame you're so narrow-minded. Maybe, I don't really care about being narrow-minded, close-minded, open-minded or whatever-minded adjectives are there. Treating people like animals and experimenting on them with forbidden drugs is something I'm afraid I can't approve. Are you really suggesting that OP should continue taking these pills and be their guinea pig until their personality is completely gone? That is basically murder if not worse. |
149597871Aug 11, 2017 6:28 PM
kawaii96desu said: Mental illnesses and disorders are real, and it's a shame you're so narrow-minded.Disorder, huh? Well, it's up to you. You can always give up and spend the rest of your conscious days watching your life crashing down or you can try to regain control and keep on fighting. They kicked you out of your home then took you to the doctor who basically "helped" you by drugging you. I think it's pretty easy to see that your real enemy is neither mental illnesses nor personality disorders. |
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| 1. Do you think I am just hopeless and can never have a true life and should just give up trying already? Life is a constant struggle for the majority of people i would think. Struggle builds character and builds a resume of interesting stories. Am i saying the more you struggle, the more interesting you are ? Possibly yes. Don't expect to be happy all the time. Happiness is fleeting. It is perfectly normal to cycle through every possible human emotion bc that is actually how emotions work. I can guarantee you, even people who seemingly have their shit together aren't happy all the time either. TL/DR no you shouldn't give up. You gonna learn to manage your emotions and tame that flame inside of you. 2. Who/what is to blame for me being the person I am, Why do people keep thinking I choose to be the way I am. There is no point in blaming your parents. Work with the cards you are dealt with even though your hand may look shitty. Many people have god awful parents who don't deserve to have children, but find their own path to a better life. Labeling yourself as a victim of bad circumstances and resenting will get you no where. It will only stagnate you. If your dad is such a toxic influence in your life set a goal to eventually move far the fuck away from him. Surround yourself with people who actually care and fuck other external noises. You do kickboxing so maybe you can find friends there who share the same hobbies as you. 3. Do you think I don´t deserve anyones love or understanding and should just give up on humans already and go live with my plants and 495 dogs completely isolated from the world? I'm still very much an idealistic person even though i'm in my 20s now so yes i think everyone deserves to be loved, but first you gotta love yourself or at least accept yourself. It might sound cliche, but if you are a toxic person, eventually you'll just push everyone away and the results will become extremely visible in your relationships with people in general. No one deserves to live in isolation no matter how much emotional baggage you might have. Social isolation only makes your problems worse. 4. Why does everything suck? Why did I have to win the lottery for all this? Idk you could always be born in some god awful country like Syria. Life is hard. You can't sugarcoat it. blah blah i hate writing about real shit back to shitposting |
zzzeallyAug 11, 2017 6:43 PM
DearlyDie said: I realized that we both kinda said the same thing, but your answer just had way more helpfulness and effort1. No. One of my lecturers told me at university that life is all a struggle, but it's about learning to be comfortable struggling. Like Dylan Thomas wrote, "Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light." If you give up, you've lost the fight already, and you'll consider life pointless. You will spend the rest of your days in isolation, depressed and hating yourself or your genes for it. Don't. The beauty of humanity is that we can, and always will fight, so fight for what you believe, fight against your genes, or fate or God or whomever gave you those shitty genes. Stick a middle finger up his ass. I believe you can do it, because isn't that what we're all trying to do? Fight for what we believe in, against the unrealistic odds that we'll become millionaires or successful? 2. It doesn't matter who is to blame. What matters is the solution to overcome your problem. Finding out what is to blame is a step down the road of becoming complacent with who you are. Don't waste time being satisfied with who you are, you can become so much more. 3. I too, am scared of putting myself out there and getting hurt, most of us are, it's part of being human. And having all these problems doesn't mean you're not deserving of love or understanding. We all deserve someone who we can be happy and sad with. There's fricking 7 billion people out there, and you're telling me not a single one will love you for who you are and the things you've suffered? There's a 1 in 285,000 chance of finding the one, but that odds a LOT fucking bigger than 0%. 4. It doesn't matter what set of cards life gives you. What matters is how much you make of it. I hope these answers help, I spent awhile thinking and typing it out. Edit: I also quick-read parts of your post, so sorry if part of my answers derail |
almostgod said: I am not looking for excuses to make up for how I am, I am somewhat very unhappy with the fact I am and would like to know why. Cause this whole thing is like just one fucking terrible joke to me. Yes it is true I am probably not thinking the clearest and not sure to what I need right now. I been trying to, I just can not seem to get my mind to do some serious thinking no matter how I try. And of course I want this for myself, because I am a halfassed antisocial person who still needs love in their lives and feeling fucking sad and lonely lately. I can´t help but keep wanting to justify things or else shit starts making me feel so uncomfortable. I don´t know, I am not trying to be emo or doubtful or whatever, I been a very self confident and strong person for all I know, but I am also down to earth kinda person who doesn´t like to be much of a dreamer and face the reality. And no matter how hard I try to put in some thinking to come up with a solution I seem to fail at it, so I am just as desperate to go around on MAL to ask for some opinions, to see anything I might have missed considering, given my situation, ofc I wouldn´t just take anyones random opinion and would just take it as an advice and think for it myself, I am better than that. Life isn't about finding answers. If you try looking for answers for every little thing, you'll eventually be swept away by grief and confusion. Stop looking for answers, and instead focus on self-improvement and self-worth. The rest of the puzzle pieces can fall into place after. Take it one step at a time. Learn to love yourself, I promise you things will get easier. Yes, you might not like or love yourself the way you are right now, but who's to say that you can't change? No one but yourself. Understand that. You play with the cards you're dealt, and you make the best out of it, you do what you can to the best of your ability and change will come. Being happy, unhappy, these things are never a constant state; they are nothing more but a culmination of your momentary feelings. You will always feel one or the other. You will always have more happy or sad moments. You have to understand that only you can control how these moments affect you, whether you let it decide your present and future actions is solely up to you. You can either let it be in the past, or dwell on it; but truth of the matter is: you will continue to live on, you will continue to experience such moments, and you will continue to make more moments and memories. Time ain't gonna stop for you, or no one else. Take some time off the internet, try a new hobby, really focus on yourself without the use of external opinions and recognition. I know that it's so much easier to hear you did good, or this is the right thing to do, but you have to understand that you are your own person. Your trials and tribulations are your own, and these are the things that will help cultivate you as an individual, they help you grow mentally, physically, and emotionally. If you say you are better than that, then act like it. |
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