showing vulnerability

Jul 18, 2019 8:30 PM

Offline

Jan 2017

2365

what are your thoughts on showing vulnerability?

i hate doing it since it hurts, it’s painful to the ego. doing it gives me a sense of cathartic release, however. also, seeing someone else open up makes me feel in solidarity with my fellow human. it lets me know that “hey i’m not the center of the world” or that i’m not the only one in pain or any other state of being that is included in the human experience. music, or art in general does a good job of being able to relate to others in this sense.

BUT, big but(t) here. there can be times where giving into an emotion out of empathy can be used to the other person’s advantage. so, i am wary of this.

there’s a good ted talk on youtube about vulnerability.

Jul 18, 2019 8:36 PM

FacelessVixen

Offline

Aug 2009

11167

I'm not great at a lot of things, but I'm pretty good at being stoic, and said system has been working pretty well for me since late 2014.

To each their own, though.

Jul 18, 2019 8:46 PM

deg

lagom

Offline

Jan 2009

107204

its mans nature like our competitive nature as oppose to the suppose cooperative nature of women (or even nurture with social construct like gender roles) saying you should just man up and never show weakness although ye you see news that statistics wise there are more successful suicide done by males and i do not see any mental health movement for males unlike with females

Jul 18, 2019 9:22 PM

MegaStride

Offline

Feb 2017

6006

Everyone has a limit to how much their mental can take, that is why it's important to keep it in check by relaxing/telling others your struggles. I personally don't like to show much, if any vulnerability as I don't like being burdens on people and I want to do it myself.

Jul 18, 2019 9:34 PM

MiNiSHi

Offline

Mar 2014

My biggest vulnerability is getting my hopes up. However, I've experience a handful of those moments and it's kept my expectations of any situation and person to a non-existent amount.

Can't have a Rainbow with REYN, BABY!

Jul 19, 2019 5:10 AM

echoshadow

Offline

Jun 2009

117

For me it all depends what vulnerability I show.
Emotional? Nope
Financial?, yep, I got taken for a chump a few times over my life.
Physically, everyone has their limits.
Mentally, fake it till you make it.
Romantically, oh hell yes, i'm sucker for a cute face. sadly thats how i got financially vulnerable.

Jul 19, 2019 8:37 AM

removed-user

Offline

Jul 2018

561872

Every time I do in real life, I want to punch a wall and generally break shit. Maybe depressive or suicidal thoughts creep in. It feels awful but happens more often so I don't know how I can take it. I might hallucinate occasionally cuz of this. Just this overwhelming feeling of loneliness.

For the internet, I do it to vent and get my feelings out when I can't do it in real life for fear of being ostracized. I mean I've already done a good enough job in alienating people but I'm talking more about keeping people from thinking I'm unstable. So I feel relieved instead of scared when I show vulnerability as you call it on the internet. Especially to other depressed suicidal people.

Jul 19, 2019 8:57 AM

p0ckyy

Offline

Jan 2017

2365

HungryForQuality said:
Every time I do in real life, I want to punch a wall and generally break shit. Maybe depressive or suicidal thoughts creep in. It feels awful but happens more often so I don't know how I can take it. I might hallucinate occasionally cuz of this.

For the internet, I do it to vent and get my feelings out when I can't do in real life for fear of being ostracized. So I feel relieved instead of scared when I show vulnerability as you call it on the internet. Especially to other depressed suicidal people.

i can definitely relate to being vulnerable online instead of irl. i have a feeling that people are less receptive irl, of course this depends on who you open up to, whether it be a therapist or a really understanding friend or person related to you. also, the anonymity of the internet. knowing that there’s people out there, and just expressing yourself, whether or not you will be responded to feels comforting. there isn’t quite the attachment of how you would treat someone irl, so there’s a lot more that you’re freely able to do.

i think it has to deal with expressing the self in text, rather than spoken word. you can be a lot more subtle in writing, you can be a lot more thoughtful in writing. it’s harder to be intricate in conversation, at least for me. like gloria estefan said, “words get in the way”. seeing and conveying how i feel in text makes it feel more tangible, more grounded for some reason. i have trouble in forming what words to say irl lol. there’s a certain pressure to it as well that makes it hard for me to think :s

Jul 19, 2019 9:00 AM

removed-user

Offline

Jul 2018

561872

p0ckyy said:

Yeah I'm basically all of that. It's easier to express through text on the internet compared to real life where there's social pressure and everything that comes out isn't as well constructed as what's in my head. Their circumstances can also get in the way of productive conversation while on the internet, there are places geared to expressing yourself. Through text, you can re-read what you typed and formulate a response that feels grounded as you say. In real life, it's much harder unfortunately. People can have a direct effect on your life if they so choose.

Jul 19, 2019 2:14 PM

#10

removed-user

Offline

Jul 2018

561872

It was hard for me a long time and it still is, but in front of my gf, close friends and sometimes my mom, it feels liberating.

Jul 19, 2019 2:23 PM

#11

removed-user

Offline

Jul 2018

561872

deg said:
its mans nature like our competitive nature as oppose to the suppose cooperative nature of women (or even nurture with social construct like gender roles) saying you should just man up and never show weakness although ye you see news that statistics wise there are more successful suicide done by males and i do not see any mental health movement for males unlike with females

Women are admitting their problems earlier and go to see a doctor.
Men swallow and swallow everything and then they are more likely to hurt themselves or others. Not like women won't do that same, it's just more likely.
It also depends on your environment. In my personal environment I barely can see any differences in men and women anymore, because of their gender.
At other people, I knew on a more surface level, or when I'm looking at some couples on the street, I see huge differences more often.

Jul 19, 2019 2:52 PM

#12

deg

lagom

Offline

Jan 2009

107204

Maneki-Mew said:

yes thats true and by environment like a country, mental health is not taken seriously here or if it is they think its demon possession or simply you lack faith since its a poor religious conservative country but the recent passage of mental health law here hopefully can start changing that

Jul 22, 2019 12:49 PM

#13

dinesj21

Offline

Mar 2014

2021

It's a good thing depending on the circumstances. It's very important in romantic relationships since it requires honesty about feelings and helps you open up. Sometimes it's definitely called for.

Jul 22, 2019 1:02 PM

#14

p0ckyy

Offline

Jan 2017

2365

dinesj21 said:
It's a good thing depending on the circumstances. It's very important in romantic relationships since it requires honesty about feelings and helps you open up. Sometimes it's definitely called for.

AND OH I KNOW THE REAL WORLD OF EMOTION HAS SURROUNDED ME

Jul 22, 2019 1:45 PM

#15

Bunille

Offline

Oct 2017

3898

If you enclose your feelings, you’re basically hiding yourself.
And it’s what makes us feel human. Bland, sociopathic-esque emotions give that person very limited personality and honesty.

If they’re hiding their own feelings around even the most comfortable of people they’re with, then what else are they hiding.
Everyone at least has someone to open up to, even if it’s themselves.
And if you don’t cry because you’re “told not to”, as long as you feel upset then you’re not sociopathic.

Jul 23, 2019 12:35 AM

#16

traed

Offline

Mar 2008

53330

I don't have an issue with being open about that to the right people but I am a little more on gaurd these days.

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Jul 23, 2019 12:48 AM

#17

MrHawky

Offline

Dec 2013

4554

Humans aren't robots, of course you're vulnerable not emotionally but physically as well. There are times and places when its okay to be vulnerable but also times when its a sign of being pathetic. There's a fine line between the two, in retrospect can't recall the last time I've appeared vulnerable to another person so go fish

Jul 23, 2019 1:07 AM

#18

Swiggy

Mob Character C

Offline

Oct 2009

5437

I'm often making jokes, and I feel like most of the time the jokes work well if there's a bit of vulnerability.

Non-joking situations, I don't mind showing people a vulnerable side of me, unless I'm in a situation where I want to seem tough. Like when I'm walking across campus and there's someone with a clipboard standing in the path I have to take.

Enjoy your anime! | Witch Cafe Wisteria

Jul 23, 2019 2:50 PM

#19

CosmicWarriors

Offline

Jul 2019

p0ckyy said:
what are your thoughts on showing vulnerability?

i hate doing it since it hurts, it’s painful to the ego. doing it gives me a sense of cathartic release, however. also, seeing someone else open up makes me feel in solidarity with my fellow human. it lets me know that “hey i’m not the center of the world” or that i’m not the only one in pain or any other state of being that is included in the human experience. music, or art in general does a good job of being able to relate to others in this sense.

BUT, big but(t) here. there can be times where giving into an emotion out of empathy can be used to the other person’s advantage. so, i am wary of this.

there’s a good ted talk on youtube about vulnerability.

I used to mentor youth and teach martial arts i used to have videos of myself on youtube crying while talking about real nibba shit to boys. It is important they see people they view as being strong men being able to express themselves.

Fear to express yourself to me is weakness.

Those who are truly strong simply no longer give a crap waht anyone thinks of them.

But you do have a point about treacherous manipulators. You do always need some kind of mental self defence in place to guard against this.

As for the ego, you have it for a reason, you should kill your ego but allow it to come back a bit. Your ego is there to protect you from mental breaksdowns and crippling depression.

You will find some of the people with the hugest egos are those who think they are superior for killing their egos and think they are enlightened yoga masters or some crap.

You need some balance.

Please check out the Cosmic Warriors motion comic

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi3llVODuPfHtN70i9gKKsg

The most censored motion comic on MyAnimeList.net

Jul 23, 2019 2:58 PM

#20

Xstasy

Offline

May 2019

3565

Only with close friends not with strangers for obvious reasons.

Jul 24, 2019 11:10 AM

#21

CosmicWarriors

Offline

Jul 2019

HungryForQuality said:
Every time I do in real life, I want to punch a wall and generally break shit. Maybe depressive or suicidal thoughts creep in. It feels awful but happens more often so I don't know how I can take it. I might hallucinate occasionally cuz of this. Just this overwhelming feeling of loneliness.

For the internet, I do it to vent and get my feelings out when I can't do it in real life for fear of being ostracized. I mean I've already done a good enough job in alienating people but I'm talking more about keeping people from thinking I'm unstable. So I feel relieved instead of scared when I show vulnerability as you call it on the internet. Especially to other depressed suicidal people.

I dont know you from a bar of soap m8 but i think you should try to be more productive and do things for the betterment of others.

With elderly people (specifically males) those who have worked to better their people/society have a feeling of fullfillment, while those who have done nothing feel detatched from other people/society.

Most people these days have been engineered to be scum, but helping the children is the most effective use of your life.

Wanting to punch a wall and break shit, can you get a heavy bag? You can make your own punching bag from basically found garbage this is a good way to get bad feelings out of your body and the training is food for you physically which then improves your mental state.

Lonliness is a secondary form of horniness, this passes with age, it is instincts to form a tribe and start your own family unit. If you lone wolf your whole life these feelings of loneliness will pass with age. But you will still feel dissconnected from your people/society.

Id just like to add somthing here about fear and anxiety, not directly related to anything mentioned but it seems to be the biggest reason most people act like robots is fear, fear people will mug them off for being themselves. Also when you open up to people they feel fear like oh no where is this going? what will happen if i say this or that? Do i have to open up also?

I still have anxiety, but when i was young i had it real bad, when i was like 5 i was getting bullied by a police officers son and three 13 year olds stomped me near to death. I developed a stutter which i recovered from in a year. (Stutters are psychological not physical)

When i started competing in wrestling i was always terrified, of being injured but mostly of losing and shaming my wrestling team and coaches. My coach always used to ask me before my match if i was scared and i always said yes and then he always said good that means you are alive. This stupid thing was actually one of the most benevolent things in my life.

Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is being afraid and overcoming that fear to do it anyways. Someone who overcomes fear is stronger than the one who never feels fear.

Fear is your friend, you feel fear for a reason, to keep you safe from danger. Its just about controlling this fear and not letting it paralyze you into never doing anything that scares you. (Without leaving your comfort zone there can be no growth)

I used to want to be a kung fu movie star, going to auditions was horrible for my anxiety. But after doing it a few times i stopped being so nervous. I always encourage people to do things that give them anxiety. It is like building up a tolerance. (Gaining xp and levelling up)

Many young people flip out about things old people think are not a big deal. These older people have endured and suffered more than these youth, but to these youth whatever struggle they are overcoming is the hardest thing they have ever faced. So to them it is the biggest deal in the world, we have to have some understanding and compassion. We shouldnt enable weakness, we should want people to be as strong and smart as possible. But we just have to remember that people especially youth are just fragile humans who need to be built up. Most of society would rather crush people into dirt.

Another point most people dont understand, happiness is not the same as fullfillment. Happiness is temporary like hearing the laughter of a child, you smile and say that was nice then the feeling is gone. Most people chase happiness with mindless entertainment, drugs, sex, they always feel empty because they are unfullfilled.

Fullfillment is bettering your people/society, mentoring some youth, you will always have that, it will permenantly make you feel better about yourself.

In this way you can be unhappy but fulfilled, in this way you can endure life more easily.

Women are way more competitve than men, women are all always subconciously competing with eachother.

Them being submissive to a man will make them appear more cooperative.

I believe men are much more cooperative with eachother, there is always a pecking order to establish tribal leaders (why bullying is natural and happens with all animals to secure a mate and pass on your genes)

Men are always competeing for position but i believe are still more cooperative, females are just more into sabotage then direct confrontation so its not as visible.

I agree on your points about the pressure on boys and suicide.

These man up guys generally crack and break and their weak true selves are exposed.

People who can show their vulnerability but are still at a much higher power level then those who mask their weakness are still stronger.

Being broken and exposed and enduring shows real strength, somthing like a knight in shining armor is a man who has never had his metal tested. Nobody is perfect or invulnerable. People should just chill out and be cool being who they are.

Some additional thoughts on lonliness and isolation

I think what makes people feel more alone is living in a big city with millions of people they cant relate to. To me walking through a crowd shoulder to shoulder with people you cant relate to is isolation. Megacities with mass migration and different cultures contribute to this.

I dont think megacities are natural at all for humans, the human mind can only care about 100 to 120 people. It only has enough processing power to maintain this many relationships. (I think thid is also a problem for anime with way too many characters you simply cant give a crap about all of them)

In a small community everyone knows eachothers name, they all grew up together, people will actually be sad is someone dies, its not like a housing complex with thousands of people who dont know/talk to eachother.

For people who feel lonely i think they might actually feel better if they move somewhere with less people and a smaller but stronger community.

- Edit i typed these while offline, i dont have much time at the moment i copy and pasted from a memo pad some parts might be out of order or seem impersonal sorry about that but i hope someone might find somthing here that helps a bit.

Please check out the Cosmic Warriors motion comic

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi3llVODuPfHtN70i9gKKsg

The most censored motion comic on MyAnimeList.net

Jul 24, 2019 9:26 PM

#22

Queasycat

Offline

Dec 2015

I think a lot of people think not showing vulnerability makes them stronger when it actually just makes them emotionally weak since its hard to bottle up your feelings for so long. Regardless of gender, I think you should let yourself be weak sometimes and show your emotions, its a part of the living experience to get hurt and grow on from it.

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