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Mar 11, 2015 7:33 AM
#1

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Jan 2015
618
If you were to plan a murder:
1. What would be your weapon of choice?
2. Who would be your target?
3. How will you carry out your murder and where?
4. How will you dispose the body?
5. If you're caught, what would your alibi?

Be creative, my blood-thirsty MAL users!
Mar 11, 2015 7:34 AM
#2

Offline
Oct 2012
5711
I'm not sharing my plans with you
If life ain't just a joke
Then why are we laughing?

If life ain't just a joke
Then why am I dead?
Mar 11, 2015 7:34 AM
#3
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Oct 2014
5840
Do you think I would tell you that here?


Mar 11, 2015 7:34 AM
#4

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Mar 2014
4913
IlluminatLi said:
I'm not sharing my plans with you
Mar 11, 2015 7:35 AM
#5

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Jul 2011
8110
Make your own research, don't ask for advices.
Mar 11, 2015 7:35 AM
#6

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Jan 2015
618
IlluminatLi said:
I'm not sharing my plans with you
Rarusu_ said:
Do you think I would tell you that here?


I'm not an undercover cop, you can trust me o(╥﹏╥)o
Mar 11, 2015 7:36 AM
#7

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Mar 2014
6347
I'll murder myself.
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!''
~Oscar
[/i]
Mar 11, 2015 7:37 AM
#8

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Aug 2013
15696
Rarusu_ said:
Do you think I would tell you that here?
Mar 11, 2015 7:37 AM
#9

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Apr 2014
9813
(¬‿¬)
Mar 11, 2015 7:39 AM

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Oct 2012
3146
1. catholics
2. parliament
3. gunpowder beneath the palace of westminster
4. n/a
5. 'wasn't me lol'

~ join the MAL suicide pact! ~ ~ ★☭★ ~ ~ embrace nuclear annihilation! ~
Mar 11, 2015 7:40 AM

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Apr 2013
561
Can't tell you the feds are watching
Mar 11, 2015 7:40 AM

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Aug 2009
2367
a pokemon
an abusive douchebag
quickly at night
pokemon devours the victim
alibi: i was feeding my pet, officer
Mar 11, 2015 7:42 AM

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Jan 2015
618
Involtus said:
1. catholics
2. parliament
3. gunpowder beneath the palace of westminster
4. n/a
5. 'wasn't me lol'


That Alibi always works! it's unexpected... that's how you catch the cops off guard. Your plan is full proof!
LeosApathy said:
Can't tell you the feds are watching


Don't worry, i've taken care of that ;P

MrKnD said:
a pokemon
an abusive douchebag
quickly at night
pokemon devours the victim
alibi: i was feeding my pet, officer


Pokemon, GOTTA FEED EM ALL! But are you sure your pokemon will be able to digest this "douchebag"?
Mar 11, 2015 7:45 AM

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Dec 2013
9884
Nice try Police! I would never attempt to kill anyone, just not worth it.
Mar 11, 2015 7:47 AM

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May 2014
8797
I called the cyber cops on you
I've been here way too long...
Mar 11, 2015 7:50 AM

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Jan 2015
618
TheConquerer said:
I called the cyber cops on you


You fool! You have foiled my plans! Now i shall have to come up with a plan to murder you.....

1.9" black rubber dildo
2. TheConquerer
3. I will beat you to a pulp with said rubber dildo
4. I shall feed you to Satan himself
5. He told on me ;n;
Mar 11, 2015 7:54 AM

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Jan 2013
11951
All of these factors depend.

What am I being paid, whats my modus operandi, whats the geographical location.

For example, say I had to kill someone that was armed in a forest area. Why dispose of the body at all? I could just kill him with the weapon he has, or a matching one, say a shotgun if he were a hunter, given the characteristics of a shotgun they are very difficult to run a matching balistics test on. Make it looks like an accident of suicide, problem solved.

The only problem is not leaving footprints. Someone in a city? Kill them in there home, but set things up so the mess and body both fall on a easy to clean area. Infiltrate the area days prior with some efforts of disguise and as a TV repairman, delivery boy, the generally unthanked and unnoticed.

As to body disposal, acid, fields, oceans, animals, deserts, several ways. Also the best way to go about a Alibi is to not get caught in the first place, why as I'm typing this I am desolving a body for the Ita....a bundle of sticks for a business man.
Mar 11, 2015 7:56 AM

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Apr 2011
4658
1. What would be your weapon of choice?

Death Note.

2. Who would be your target?

Bad guys.

3. How will you carry out your murder and where?

on my desk, with my pen.

4. How will you dispose the body?

I don't need to

5. If you're caught, what would your alibi?

I won't
Mar 11, 2015 7:56 AM

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Jan 2015
618
RedArmyShogun said:
All of these factors depend.

What am I being paid, whats my modus operandi, whats the geographical location.

For example, say I had to kill someone that was armed in a forest area. Why dispose of the body at all? I could just kill him with the weapon he has, or a matching one, say a shotgun if he were a hunter, given the characteristics of a shotgun they are very difficult to run a matching balistics test on. Make it looks like an accident of suicide, problem solved.

The only problem is not leaving footprints. Someone in a city? Kill them in there home, but set things up so the mess and body both fall on a easy to clean area. Infiltrate the area days prior with some efforts of disguise and as a TV repairman, delivery boy, the generally unthanked and unnoticed.

As to body disposal, acid, fields, oceans, animals, deserts, several ways. Also the best way to go about a Alibi is to not get caught in the first place, why as I'm typing this I am desolving a body for the Ita....a bundle of sticks for a business man.


This was a good read. Detailed and multiple ways of engagement. Have you done this before perchance? Mayhaps you are a professional hitman?

Valaskjalf said:
1. What would be your weapon of choice?

Death Note.

2. Who would be your target?

Bad guys.

3. How will you carry out your murder and where?

on my desk, with my pen.

4. How will you dispose the body?

I don't need to

5. If you're caught, what would your alibi?

I won't


Mar 11, 2015 7:58 AM

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Feb 2014
2171
The first mistake? Sharing your plans on an online internet forum where the feds can easily track you




Mar 11, 2015 8:00 AM

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Jan 2013
11951
Veletronic said:

This was a good read. Detailed and multiple ways of engagement. Have you done this before perchance? Mayhaps you are a professional hitman?


I am a simple legitimate business man. I have no idea about these things you mention.
Mar 11, 2015 8:01 AM
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Jul 2018
561867
I would have someone else do it for me.
Mar 11, 2015 8:01 AM

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Jul 2014
2374
Carbon monoxide poisoning seems like it would be the shit.
Mar 11, 2015 8:22 AM

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Oct 2014
687
1. Remotely detonated 50kg bomb.
2. That guy in LoL who said "brb" but never came back.
3. In my home while saying the last prayer for my victim.
4. The extreme heat of the explosion will leave no body. ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
5.1"Officer,I couldn´t do it I was watching anime the whole day!"
5.2"Officer,I couldn´t do it I was fapping the whole day!"
5.4"Officer,do you really think I would remotely detonate a 50kg bomb from my home,to kill a person who said "brb" and never came back in LoL!?"
Mar 11, 2015 8:22 AM

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Jan 2015
618
RedArmyShogun said:
Veletronic said:

This was a good read. Detailed and multiple ways of engagement. Have you done this before perchance? Mayhaps you are a professional hitman?


I am a simple legitimate business man. I have no idea about these things you mention.


Ah yes, may we exchange in business cards as we may want to contact each other, maybe even co-operate on future projects?

RufusLatro said:
1. Remotely detonated 50kg bomb.
2. That guy in LoL who said "brb" but never came back.
3. In my home while saying the last prayer for my victim.
4. The extreme heat of the explosion will leave no body. ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
5.1"Officer,I couldn´t do it I was watching anime the whole day!"
5.2"Officer,I couldn´t do it I was fapping the whole day!"
5.4"Officer,do you really think I would remotely detonate a 50kg bomb from my home,to kill a person who said "brb" and never came back in LoL!?"


I hate those people, I would do the same thing! Also, amazing alibis ;D
Mar 11, 2015 8:23 AM

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May 2014
8797
Veletronic said:
TheConquerer said:
I called the cyber cops on you


You fool! You have foiled my plans! Now i shall have to come up with a plan to murder you.....

1.9" black rubber dildo
2. TheConquerer
3. I will beat you to a pulp with said rubber dildo
4. I shall feed you to Satan himself
5. He told on me ;n;


I am Satan, only holy dildos affect me
I've been here way too long...
Mar 11, 2015 8:25 AM

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Dec 2012
957
I have 769 ideas from Detective Conan.
[right]
"The big secret to breaking the rules is to make it look as though you're following them."
Mar 11, 2015 8:26 AM

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Jan 2015
618
TheConquerer said:
Veletronic said:


You fool! You have foiled my plans! Now i shall have to come up with a plan to murder you.....

1.9" black rubber dildo
2. TheConquerer
3. I will beat you to a pulp with said rubber dildo
4. I shall feed you to Satan himself
5. He told on me ;n;


I am Satan, only holy dildos affect me


*screams in rage* curse you saaaaaaaataaaaaaaaan!!!!!!
Mar 11, 2015 8:26 AM

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Jan 2013
13161
Veletronic said:
If you were to plan a murder:
1. What would be your weapon of choice?
2. Who would be your target?
3. How will you carry out your murder and where?
4. How will you dispose the body?
5. If you're caught, what would your alibi?

Be creative, my blood-thirsty MAL users!

1. Guitar
2. Justin Bieber
3. uhhh I'll wing it
4. Why dispose it when you can show everybody the dead body?!
5. Why alibi when you can claim credit?!
Mar 11, 2015 8:35 AM

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Jan 2015
618
Magnolia said:

1. Guitar
2. Justin Bieber
3. uhhh I'll wing it
4. Why dispose it when you can show everybody the dead body?!
5. Why alibi when you can claim credit?!


*claps* give this lad a medal. He is a war hero.
Mar 11, 2015 10:18 AM

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Jan 2013
11951
Sure OP, just remember if the police show, I have no fucking idea who you are, we never met, we never talked, who are you?
Mar 11, 2015 10:20 AM

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Jul 2014
2502
ask Lost_Future to do it for me ;P
Mar 11, 2015 10:28 AM
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Apr 2014
1229
Veletronic said:
If you were to plan a murder:
1. What would be your weapon of choice?
2. Who would be your target?
3. How will you carry out your murder and where?
4. How will you dispose the body?
5. If you're caught, what would your alibi?

Be creative, my blood-thirsty MAL users!


1. Cheese slicer
2. A Pedophil rapist
3. Slice his skin in the kitchen
4. Make Pizza out of it
5. No one will get me.
"Chinese cartoons was a mistake"

Hayao Miyazaki
Mar 11, 2015 10:35 AM

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Oct 2010
3283
1: gun
2: me
3: either buy a webcam and announce + stream it on twitch for the lulz either just do it in the corner of my room witohut anyone noticing either somewhere outside in a back alley or bellow a bridge. Or maybe on top of a building just in case i survive(the bullet) so i'd die by the fall afterwards while im unconscious. This one is undecided .
4: i wouldn't
5: life sucks
incisorrMar 11, 2015 10:42 AM
lots of music -
Mar 11, 2015 10:52 AM

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Oct 2013
4488
That information is classified at the moment. >.<
Mar 11, 2015 1:39 PM

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Jul 2014
4029
I'll just use insulin, no one will suspect a murder unless I'm seen. Or I could have some fun copying a case from Detective Conan.
Wecc said:
All hail HaXXspetten king of the loli traps!
Mar 11, 2015 1:40 PM

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May 2014
8797
RedArmyShogun said:
Sure OP, just remember if the police show, I have no fucking idea who you are, we never met, we never talked, who are you?


Strangers on a mal train
I've been here way too long...
Mar 11, 2015 4:11 PM

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Jan 2015
618
TheConquerer said:
RedArmyShogun said:
Sure OP, just remember if the police show, I have no fucking idea who you are, we never met, we never talked, who are you?


Strangers on a mal train


Can't wait till this turns into Baccano!
Mar 11, 2015 4:16 PM

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Jan 2013
6305
1. What would be your weapon of choice?
something big and heavy that I can just make a satisfying crash with

2. Who would be your target?
some hard working tryhards too busy to notice

3. How will you carry out your murder and where?
just randomly. Doesn't really matter when, it makes it more surprising.

4. How will you dispose the body?
don't really need to dispose of the body, the building will do that for me.

5. If you're caught, what would your alibi?
Jet fuel can't melt steel beams
Mar 11, 2015 4:20 PM

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Dec 2014
94
Veletronic said:
If you were to plan a murder:
1. What would be your weapon of choice?
2. Who would be your target?
3. How will you carry out your murder and where?
4. How will you dispose the body?
5. If you're caught, what would your alibi?

Be creative, my blood-thirsty MAL users!


1. Shit man. Whatever is lying around. Guitar? Beat the shit out of them with it. Painting? Turn that canvas red. Toilet? Get ready to literally eat shit, bitch.

2. Where do we begin? I guess we can start with that little bitch, Bill O'Reilly. Walk up to him on his show, grab him by that stupid collar, and throw his face through the teleprompter. "THERE'S NO WORDS ON IT!" Chop off his cock and shove it down his throat. "FUCKING THING SUCKS!"

3. See above.

4. Toss the head to whoever wants it first.

5. It's Bill O'Reilly. I did you all a favor. You're welcome. WHAT'S THAT? YOU WANT ME LOCKED UP? HOW ABOUT I LOCK YOU UP. LOCK YOU UP IN THE SAME COFFIN THAT WHAT'S LEFT OF BILL IS SHOVED INSIDE.
Mar 11, 2015 4:22 PM
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Feb 2014
17731
So many fake ass pseudosadists here is what I've learned from this thread.
Mar 11, 2015 4:23 PM

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Jan 2015
618
Blackhand4 said:


1. Shit man. Whatever is lying around. Guitar? Beat the shit out of them with it. Painting? Turn that canvas red. Toilet? Get ready to literally eat shit, bitch.

2. Where do we begin? I guess we can start with that little bitch, Bill O'Reilly. Walk up to him on his show, grab him by that stupid collar, and throw his face through the teleprompter. "THERE'S NO WORDS ON IT!" Chop off his cock and shove it down his throat. "FUCKING THING SUCKS!"

3. See above.

4. Toss the head to whoever wants it first.

5. It's Bill O'Reilly. I did you all a favor. You're welcome. WHAT'S THAT? YOU WANT ME LOCKED UP? HOW ABOUT I LOCK YOU UP. LOCK YOU UP IN THE SAME COFFIN THAT WHAT'S LEFT OF BILL IS SHOVED INSIDE.


This is fucking great, ahaha. Improvisational murder for the win. Brutal, yet efficient.
Mar 11, 2015 4:23 PM

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Dec 2014
94
Can I murder the Kardashians, actually?

"What's that? You want to break the internet, Kim? HOW ABOUT I BREAK YOUR NECK! AHHHH! Best neck snap of all time, OF ALL TIME!"
Mar 11, 2015 4:26 PM

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Jan 2015
618
Blackhand4 said:
Can I murder the Kardashians, actually?

"What's that? You want to break the internet, Kim? HOW ABOUT I BREAK YOUR NECK! AHHHH! Best neck snap of all time, OF ALL TIME!"


Her ass would smack you all the way to mainland China, plus i'm pretty sure there's auto-turrets implanted in there. Unless you Sam fisher/Solid snake that shit she'd be undefeatable
Mar 11, 2015 4:38 PM

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Mar 2015
1827
Weapon?
Probably some sharp object. Or a blunt one, doesn't really matter as long as it gets the job done. Actually Blunt might be better, less blood.

Target?
That would depend on the situation, if someone has it coming and is alone, sure he can be the target. I haven't figured this one out yet. But probably someone that I don't know. If I lack the motives I won't be suspected.

Where?
A place that is somewhat secluded, as long as nobody can see me it should be fine. So probably a back alley or park at night, or something like that.

How to dispose of the body?
Errrrr, eat it probably, ground meat looks like ground meat and the evidence would eventually end up in the sewer, it's perfect. I can grind up the bones or something, and idk, spread it around on random locations, dump it in the ocean perhaps, nobody will ever find out. Sure there will be some skin and extra organs, but I'm sure that a blender or something can make it unreckognizable, and after that I can just dump it into the sewer.

Alibi?
Well, if I got caught red handed or with irrefutable evidence... not sure what I can do. What I will do though is say that I was playing video games. If I just keep a game running on steam the night that I carry out the murder, I am sure there is some log that will prove that I was playing video games at that time. So yeah, it's brilliant in it's simplicity.
Mar 11, 2015 4:41 PM

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Jan 2015
1510


I'm invinsible, I do what I want
Mar 11, 2015 4:54 PM

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Apr 2014
2584
Do you really think I would tell you [i]my evil plans?[/i]

The only thing I'm saying my weapon of choice would be a chainsaw

TobiOrNotTobiMar 11, 2015 4:58 PM
Mar 11, 2015 6:49 PM

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Jan 2015
618
TobiOrNotTobi said:
Do you really think I would tell you [i]my evil plans?[/i]

The only thing I'm saying my weapon of choice would be a chainsaw



W-w-why me!? D;
Mar 11, 2015 6:53 PM

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Jan 2014
2545
Veletronic said:
If you were to plan a murder:
1. What would be your weapon of choice?
2. Who would be your target?
3. How will you carry out your murder and where?
4. How will you dispose the body?
5. If you're caught, what would your alibi?


1. A television
2. Anyone who denies my romantic advances
3. Anywhere a TV is present
4. The TV will do the job fine
5. "We already know that it was Namatame who did it"
Mar 11, 2015 6:55 PM

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Jan 2015
618
Absalom- said:


1. A television
2. Anyone who denies my romantic advances
3. Anywhere a TV is present
4. The TV will do the job fine
5. "We already know that it was Namatame who did it"


This must work with the ladies every-time. No wonder you're swimming in hoes :P

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