Why does anime show virginity as something embarrassing?

Mar 20, 2019 8:59 AM

Offline

Nov 2013

2526

BirdyTheMighty said:

A key that opens many locks is a good key. But a lock that is opened by many keys is a shitty lock.

Lol, that's a great comparison. I'll definitely remember that one.

“Right is right even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.”
― Saint Augustine

Mar 20, 2019 9:07 AM

#152

herine

Offline

Nov 2014

74

I used to think the same: why is it so embarrassing? I am a late bloomer myself and I used to brag about being a virgin in my early twenties, proudly saying I never have had an intercourse before. I stopped doing this after I realised it makes people embarrassed. Funny, they seemed more embarrassed than I should maybe actually be, in their view :P

If in modern society maintaining virginity is seen as equivalent to lack of social skills, then this is the most frightening thought ever. Have sex, guys, otherwise you will be considered unsociable freaks. The notion on it's own, without the local cultural differences, is quite disturbing to me. However natural the sex may be, we're talking about social skills here, not natural instinct, so there is something wrong with this way of thinking.

Mar 20, 2019 9:24 AM

#153

InkSpider

Offline

Mar 2017

483

BirdyTheMighty said:

InkSpider said:

BirdyTheMighty said:

InkSpider said:

BirdyTheMighty said:

KRKodama said:
A guy not being virgin is considered a good thing because that means he has better social skills and he's not a loser, depending on his age.
A girl, in the other hand, is a lot more well regarded when she is still virgin because it's a sign of purity.
It's like comparing a man with a warrior and a woman with a fortress. A warrior is more trusted when he's well known for invading fortresses, and a fortress is more trusted when it has never been invaded before.
But I disagree with this, to be honest. I think that a girl with self-respect would prefer if the guy was a virgin too. I agree completely with the OP.

This 100%

A key that opens many locks is a good key. But a lock that is opened by many keys is a shitty lock.

Well at the end of the day its up to the individual to decide what they think about it.

Man I hate this community. So much.

The amount of sex you have had has absolutely nothing to do with a person's worth.

That said, if you compare sex to a military invasion, I can just about guarantee you have never had sex. Allow me to enlighten you. Sex happens when two people decide they like each other and then decide they both want to have sex.

To me whether someone is a virgin or not isnt very significant, but the lack of such is not appealing to me in a partner, though not necessarily a deal breaker (my ex-gf who I loved very much was older than me, and VERY experienced). I like to treat it as part of a woman's looks: its important, but not everything.

Lets put it this way. If there were two women that where identical in almost every aspect (personality, memories, traits etc. etc.), and I had to choose between the two, but one of them was slightly less physically attractive, who do you think I would chose? The better of the two, of course. If you tell me that you wouldn't choose the best partner available to you (and I dont care what your gender/orientation is) when given a choice I will call you a hypocrite.

The world is cynical, get used to it honey.

P.S: Im a random dude on the internet, and everything I say is my personal opinion. No need to get triggered.

No need to be condescending just because I called you out for being backwards, regressive and sexist. Learn to take my lashings with a smile, won't you? It'll make it easier on everyone.

If you happen to have a fetish for virgins, that's your business, but being a virgin certainly doesn't make a partner better or worse, and acting like it does it absurd.

How to have a meaningful internet forum conversation:

1. Read post carefully
2. Express your thoughts in a calm, rational way. Reply to post
3. Receive friendly reply
4. Repeat until satisfied

*People may or may not have different opinions, tastes, cultural background, genitalia etc. Stay calm, debate, enjoy conversation.
** Stay respectful. If you don't, the other party probably wont either.

Oh, please. You've hardly been respectful.

And leave Bugs out of this. He hasn't done a thing to deserve being associated with you. :P

"Bang." -Spike Spiegal

"Everything... is connected." -Lain Iwakura

"Life is too short to watch bad anime. Long Live the 1st Episode Drop." -InkSpider

"Anime fans make me embarrassed to be an anime fan." -InkSpider

Mar 20, 2019 11:01 AM

#154

PrinceVirid

Offline

Dec 2017

13

This all... escalated rather quickly.

For the anime side, writers personal experiences and beliefs will always show up in their works. The embarrassment of inexperience isn't limited to just virginity either. Many people tend to be embarrassed or ashamed to admit things as simple as never having been to a movie theatre. Anything that might make them seem less 'normal'. Its a byproduct of being a social species. We instinctively want to be a part of the group, society, etc. Its essential to our survival. We are also very sexual beings. Many of our emotions are tied to sex. Generally speaking, sexually active people tend to have higher self-esteem, be happier and more motivated. There are always exceptions as with anything else, and everything in moderation.

As a side note, a person's worth isn't tied to their virginity. There aren't any collectors out there looking for a CIB virgin partner to keep on a shelf (By the Gods I hope not anyway.) Human beings are not a commodity. That implication really bothers me as I was forced to live as one.

Also, that comment about thinking about your partner writhing in pleasure under someone else. That's actually a fetish, a very common one, that many people get off on. Cuckolds.

Life is all about the experience. Find what makes you happy and run with it. Enjoy the experiences and make some memories that stick. Don't let anyone else's opinion of what makes you happy change that. Especially mine.

I'm NSFL.

Resident degenerate, avid anime hater and self-proclaimed masochist.

Mar 20, 2019 11:09 AM

#155

Shibakee

Offline

Jan 2019

78

Different values in society is my guess. Although with our sex-oriented most countries are, virgins are often embarrassed/uncomfortable about their situation.

I suppose anime just likes to poke fun at that certain aspect of life.

“What are you scared of? Nothing good has ever come from fear.” – Kawabuchi Sentarou

Mar 20, 2019 11:18 AM

#156

goko-

Offline

Oct 2018

514

depending on how old you are and where you live...it is embarrassing

Mar 20, 2019 1:09 PM

#157

BirdyTheMighty

Offline

Nov 2017

738

KRKodama said:

BirdyTheMighty said:

A key that opens many locks is a good key. But a lock that is opened by many keys is a shitty lock.

Lol, that's a great comparison. I'll definitely remember that one.

Unfortunately I didn't come up with it, but it made me laugh when I read it somewhere.

Mar 20, 2019 4:17 PM

#158

TheProblemIsntMe

Offline

Sep 2018

369

Why are you asking a bunch of virgins this question. They are obviously going to defend their virginity and say it's not embarrassing.

Mar 20, 2019 4:43 PM

#159

Ryuk9428

Offline

Mar 2019

4049

Maneki-Mew said:

Ryuk9428 said:
I also can't help but feel that you must not have actually met many people who have really fucked around to the extent that we're talking about here or the people who are the most committed to casual sex. A lot of them are really sad people. The only exception I make is for people who actually have an extremely high, hypersexual drive and basically have a desperate need to fuck. I've met a few girls like that. They do fuck around a lot, like 20-30 people per year. I'm not opposed to anything that will help people get their needs met. But that's a special case because not being able to fuck is almost like torture to them so they need people who will basically be ready to have sex as soon as they need it. Most people who are fucking as many people as those girls I met are not like that though.

I made the same experiences that many of them actually looked for attention and love at every corner. I knew a girl in school, who slept around and oh boi, she had the coldest and stiffest parents I have ever seen. Being there was really uncomfortable, even for one day lol.
Seriously I heard from these people a lot that they are just looking for a more meaningful relationship beyond sex and don't know how to do that.

And some people feel forced to take part in the superficial dating culture and they think they have to learn as soon as possible to become good at due a huge amount of peer pressure.
If your partner leaves you, because you are not experienced enough, they are not worth one second anyway lol.

There is also a big difference between leading a serious relationship or being genuine towards a potential partner and breaking up for some reasons or sleeping around to fill a void or fulfill someone else's expectations. Both is understandable, but also very destructive for a little bit longer-term timespan.

And then I experienced some attempts, especially from this guy, who kinda basically reminded of a dog, who would hump everyone's leg and treated every woman this way. That behavior and fixation on sex is just repulsive af too.

I actually don't judge people for being very horny or having a fixation on sex so to speak. I'm a horny person myself, I masturbate several times a day. Its more that I think there are ways to channel that so that you don't repulse the people around you. Walking around humping girls' legs for example, is exactly what not to do. Its like the difference between being hungry and just eating a lot vs somebody who's hungry and then just grabs a bunch of chicken wings, slathers it with sauce and shoves them all into his mouth with sauce dripping down his chin and onto his shirt and hands and all over the table while talking with his mouth open.

One is just having a big appetite, the other is disgusting. Having a high sex drive myself actually makes me judge guys who send creepy, overtly sexual messages to girls they just met or are sexually aggressive in clubs more so because I am very horny but I don't go around doing those things and can control it whereas they just gave in and did whatever they felt like doing no matter who it hurt. Being really horny can work for you though. Some of the most passionate committed relationships happen when two people with high sex drives get together but are still very committed to one another.

In my experience, most people who really have hypersexuality aren't anti-love or anything, they just don't think its feasible. To clarify, hypersexuality is different from just a high sex drive. The way this girl described her life is something I have difficulty even imagining and that's despite being high sex drive myself. She told me that she didn't think she'd ever find love because nobody could keep up with her sex drive and she ends up feeling compelled to cheat in order to find satisfaction. But as it turns out she found a guy who was fine with being in an open relationship and she does love him so it is possible it turns out.

I've met some guys though that just refuse to "open their heart up" to any girl no matter how old they get. Its ridiculous, I've met guys as old as in their 60s who are like this.

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Mar 20, 2019 5:11 PM

#160

removed-user

Offline

Jul 2018

564488

Ryuk9428 said:

Maneki-Mew said:

I made the same experiences that many of them actually looked for attention and love at every corner. I knew a girl in school, who slept around and oh boi, she had the coldest and stiffest parents I have ever seen. Being there was really uncomfortable, even for one day lol.
Seriously I heard from these people a lot that they are just looking for a more meaningful relationship beyond sex and don't know how to do that.

And some people feel forced to take part in the superficial dating culture and they think they have to learn as soon as possible to become good at due a huge amount of peer pressure.
If your partner leaves you, because you are not experienced enough, they are not worth one second anyway lol.

There is also a big difference between leading a serious relationship or being genuine towards a potential partner and breaking up for some reasons or sleeping around to fill a void or fulfill someone else's expectations. Both is understandable, but also very destructive for a little bit longer-term timespan.

And then I experienced some attempts, especially from this guy, who kinda basically reminded of a dog, who would hump everyone's leg and treated every woman this way. That behavior and fixation on sex is just repulsive af too.

I actually don't judge people for being very horny or having a fixation on sex so to speak. I'm a horny person myself, I masturbate several times a day. Its more that I think there are ways to channel that so that you don't repulse the people around you. Walking around humping girls' legs for example, is exactly what not to do. Its like the difference between being hungry and just eating a lot vs somebody who's hungry and then just grabs a bunch of chicken wings, slathers it with sauce and shoves them all into his mouth with sauce dripping down his chin and onto his shirt and hands and all over the table while talking with his mouth open.

One is just having a big appetite, the other is disgusting. Having a high sex drive myself actually makes me judge guys who send creepy, overtly sexual messages to girls they just met or are sexually aggressive in clubs more so because I am very horny but I don't go around doing those things and can control it whereas they just gave in and did whatever they felt like doing no matter who it hurt. Being really horny can work for you though. Some of the most passionate committed relationships happen when two people with high sex drives get together but are still very committed to one another.

In my experience, most people who really have hypersexuality aren't anti-love or anything, they just don't think its feasible. To clarify, hypersexuality is different from just a high sex drive. The way this girl described her life is something I have difficulty even imagining and that's despite being high sex drive myself. She told me that she didn't think she'd ever find love because nobody could keep up with her sex drive and she ends up feeling compelled to cheat in order to find satisfaction. But as it turns out she found a guy who was fine with being in an open relationship and she does love him so it is possible it turns out.

I've met some guys though that just refuse to "open their heart up" to any girl no matter how old they get. Its ridiculous, I've met guys as old as in their 60s who are like this.

It was more like a metaphor, but it felt like he wasn't far away from doing that. xD

Yeah, I know and I agree for most parts. Open relationships are kinda ... weird to me? Same for friends with benefits relationships or poly-couples. But I get that, especially loving more than one person and coming to an agreement with everyone of them, and it's more like how you treat and speak about your partner or people you hit on than other circumstances.
And well yes, why you are doing that. I won't "judge" that, but I think it's still not something you should look out for.

The really unnervig thing in this is how people are treated like trophies like "Look, I got this hot guy / girl there" and all. And of course teenagers or even older people putting (peer) pressure on each other and encouraging a superficial outlook on how you could deal with relationships and people you want to sleep with or slept with.

Mar 20, 2019 5:18 PM

#161

ampd

Offline

Jun 2016

332

I mean thats kinda the social stigma in general, at least from where I'm from, people clown you for not having sex

not saying its right or wrong,but its understandable why the characters are embarrassed about being virgins

Mar 20, 2019 5:30 PM

#162

Ryuk9428

Offline

Mar 2019

4049

Maneki-Mew said:

Ryuk9428 said:

Maneki-Mew said:

Ryuk9428 said:
I also can't help but feel that you must not have actually met many people who have really fucked around to the extent that we're talking about here or the people who are the most committed to casual sex. A lot of them are really sad people. The only exception I make is for people who actually have an extremely high, hypersexual drive and basically have a desperate need to fuck. I've met a few girls like that. They do fuck around a lot, like 20-30 people per year. I'm not opposed to anything that will help people get their needs met. But that's a special case because not being able to fuck is almost like torture to them so they need people who will basically be ready to have sex as soon as they need it. Most people who are fucking as many people as those girls I met are not like that though.

I made the same experiences that many of them actually looked for attention and love at every corner. I knew a girl in school, who slept around and oh boi, she had the coldest and stiffest parents I have ever seen. Being there was really uncomfortable, even for one day lol.
Seriously I heard from these people a lot that they are just looking for a more meaningful relationship beyond sex and don't know how to do that.

And some people feel forced to take part in the superficial dating culture and they think they have to learn as soon as possible to become good at due a huge amount of peer pressure.
If your partner leaves you, because you are not experienced enough, they are not worth one second anyway lol.

There is also a big difference between leading a serious relationship or being genuine towards a potential partner and breaking up for some reasons or sleeping around to fill a void or fulfill someone else's expectations. Both is understandable, but also very destructive for a little bit longer-term timespan.

And then I experienced some attempts, especially from this guy, who kinda basically reminded of a dog, who would hump everyone's leg and treated every woman this way. That behavior and fixation on sex is just repulsive af too.

I actually don't judge people for being very horny or having a fixation on sex so to speak. I'm a horny person myself, I masturbate several times a day. Its more that I think there are ways to channel that so that you don't repulse the people around you. Walking around humping girls' legs for example, is exactly what not to do. Its like the difference between being hungry and just eating a lot vs somebody who's hungry and then just grabs a bunch of chicken wings, slathers it with sauce and shoves them all into his mouth with sauce dripping down his chin and onto his shirt and hands and all over the table while talking with his mouth open.

One is just having a big appetite, the other is disgusting. Having a high sex drive myself actually makes me judge guys who send creepy, overtly sexual messages to girls they just met or are sexually aggressive in clubs more so because I am very horny but I don't go around doing those things and can control it whereas they just gave in and did whatever they felt like doing no matter who it hurt. Being really horny can work for you though. Some of the most passionate committed relationships happen when two people with high sex drives get together but are still very committed to one another.

In my experience, most people who really have hypersexuality aren't anti-love or anything, they just don't think its feasible. To clarify, hypersexuality is different from just a high sex drive. The way this girl described her life is something I have difficulty even imagining and that's despite being high sex drive myself. She told me that she didn't think she'd ever find love because nobody could keep up with her sex drive and she ends up feeling compelled to cheat in order to find satisfaction. But as it turns out she found a guy who was fine with being in an open relationship and she does love him so it is possible it turns out.

I've met some guys though that just refuse to "open their heart up" to any girl no matter how old they get. Its ridiculous, I've met guys as old as in their 60s who are like this.

It was more like a metaphor, but it felt like he wasn't far away from doing that. xD

Yeah, I know and I agree for most parts. Open relationships are kinda ... weird to me? Same for friends with benefits relationships or poly-couples. But I get that, especially loving more than one person and coming to an agreement with everyone of them, and it's more like how you treat and speak about your partner or people you hit on than other circumstances.
And well yes, why you are doing that. I won't "judge" that, but I think it's still not something you should look out for.

The really unnervig thing in this is how people are treated like trophies like "Look, I got this hot guy / girl there" and all. And of course teenagers or even older people putting (peer) pressure on each other and encouraging a superficial outlook on how you could deal with relationships and people you want to sleep with or slept with.

Yeah I think open relationships and poly relationships wouldn't work for most people. FWB relationships seem pretty normal to me though. Some people think FWB is supposed to mean no feelings or doing anything outside of sex at all but from what I've seen this kind of FWB relationship is unusual. Some people even refuse to call it a FWB if its like that, instead calling them a fuck buddy. But fuck buddies almost always turn into FWBs. Most FWBs have some kind of feelings for each other they just don't morph into love or a commitment to that particular person.

I also agree with there being a problem of treating people like trophies or "points." Like when people brag about how many people they've fucked. I went into one apartment where the girls literally had a whiteboard and were competing amongst each other to sleep with the most number of people by the end of the year, putting marks into slots and everything. It was really fucking weird.

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Mar 20, 2019 10:39 PM

#163

Energetic-Nova

Offline

Jun 2011

5537

Honestly, it was embarrassing being a virgin and 18. Glad I am not now. Glad I am 28 and married. I hadn't even kissed when I turned 18. It felt like I was so behind.

And yeah, I am a woman. And I felt the pressure. However, I don't think that pressure is necessarily wrong really. I am glad it was there or maybe I wouldn't have found the partner I did.

PS. geez comparing men and women to locks and keys again are we? ug. Good thing I am not an object.

Energetic-NovaMar 20, 2019 10:43 PM

The anime community in a nutshell.

Mar 20, 2019 10:53 PM

#164

MAYOIII

Offline

Jul 2017

3511

Energetic-Nova said:
Honestly, it was embarrassing being a virgin and 18. Glad I am not now. Glad I am 28 and married. I hadn't even kissed when I turned 18. It felt like I was so behind.

And yeah, I am a woman. And I felt the pressure. However, I don't think that pressure is necessarily wrong really. I am glad it was there or maybe I wouldn't have found the partner I did.

PS. geez comparing men and women to locks and keys again are we? ug. Good thing I am not an object.

why would you feel embarassed being a virgin at 18?
idk is it something cultural?
being a virgin at the age of 18 is nothing wrong in my country and most parents would be extremely upset if their kids have done that thing before they graduate from highschool
and by pressure you mean societal pressure?

ot: it might has to do with peer pressure, if people around you would look down or mock you for not having any experience with sex when you're a teen

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» What are your Anime Hot Takes ( 1 2 ) removed-user - Jun 2	56	by JaaShooUhh »» 48 minutes ago

Why does anime show virginity as something embarrassing?

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