Kanenone Gakuen is an all-male boarding school located in the countryside of Japan. Although an all-male school is nothing new, life can become quite difficult when there are no female students for miles around. In order to help the psychological health of everyone involved, the school board has decided to try and merge with the nearest all-girl boarding school in order to become co-ed. The boys of Kanenone are more than thrilled at the prospect, and the girls are curious as to how interesting school life might become if there were more boys around. Before any serious decisions are made, the girls have been invited to stay at Kanenone for one month as a test.
Green Green follows Yuusuke Takazaki and his naughty room mates called the Baka (Idiot) Trio, and their ability to talk to the girls without making complete fools of themselves. But as soon as the school bus with the girls arrives, things become weird, hormonal, and hysterical. In particular, a girl named Midori Chitose leaps off the bus and immediately embraces a very confused Yuusuke. Is he a natural ladies' man, or do the two of them have a shared history that he is not aware of?
In order to clear up any misunderstandings that may have been generated through very few positive reviews, I have taken it upon myself to bite my tongue, tie up my feet and force myself to relive the nightmarish days of woe, courtesy of Studio Matrix.
As anyone with half a functioning brain - or a full half-functioning brain - could figure out, Green Green is another zombie in the anime industry's beloved legion of "ecchi harem" animes. Typically raised by necromancers of the "Let's-Impress-the-Writer's-Guild Association", these menaces are armed with bright colours, not enough clothes, and a textbook full of dialogue and characters so embarrassing that
you'll want to hide the screen in shame. When I say textbook, I mean that they've been written to death, like the pen torture from Harry Potter, only it has emptied the archetypes out and filled them with sugar and fat and everything that sells.
Naturally, you will have seen a few of these, and thus should be familiar with the horrifying habits that they get into. Green Green is one that seemingly strays away from these habits, although I don't think it would want to be accused of doing something original, considering that everything in it has been cut from other animes and strewn with sticky porn magazine cutouts. What I mean to say is that it touches on new grounds in the ecchi department, or new heights, as I should probably call it. Of course, there is the issue of recycled characters, as if the writers had never seen an anime before, or maybe seen one just like this and loved it. Every male in the show is a perverted cretin, guilty of nearly every kind of sexual harassment, except the main character, who of course wants nothing to do with either that or character development. Completely oblivious to the inevitable harem that has sprung up (like that bamboo earlier in the series), he fumbles his way through the story, only looking up at the orb of pureness and perception that he so valiantly holds up to the uniformly blue sky. He continues to do this for the entire series, as his supporting cast wages war on one another with fishing hooks, drill-shaped bamboo shoots, and hot-tubs, the latter of which is used in a truly innovative scene involving what I'm sure would be plagiarism had this anime been censored. You should be able to watch the opening to decide if you should watch the first episode, and should be able to use that to skip to the last episode. If you guess wrong about what will happen, then feel free to eat your shoe.
Depending on how new you are to anime, you might be charmed by Green Green's colour and innocence, despite the horrifying images that will likely be carved into your retinas. Not to say that it is innocent in the traditional way, but innocent in that it is a young creature that has not yet delved into the dark side of creativity and intelligence. It's understandable; anime is a sugar-coated piñata filled with cream puffs, breast-shaped stress balls and helium, but no matter how innocently retarded Green Green may seem, it still tries to fuck everything in sight, and your eyes will be no exception.
Quite nice and steady animation. The character designs are a bit on the simplistic side, but they are nice to watch. Funny scenes are drawn very well, and there are quite a few of them. You will find a lot of ecchi (especially panty shots and the "top part") in this series, but not just light stuff. In my honest opinion this series does touch the border of hentai with some scenes...
Now this is something that raises the overall rating of the series by quite a fair margin. The opening tune is average, but the ending done by YURIA is something that makes me want
to learn how to play an electric guitar. The tune is really catchy and the vocals are superb; as expect of YURIA... Another praise goes to the background music, which has especially nice piano pieces.
An aspect on which I can't write too much about. It was poor; A girl suddenly appears and just doesn't stop harassing the main male character. I won't give any spoilers, but the storyline is explained very briefly and poorly, and the ending is rushed. Side stories kind of balance this fact, since they were fairly good, but not complex enough to reveal all aspects of the characters.
Since this is a shounen anime you can expect quite a few (cute) female characters, which this anime successfully delivers. Each of them is different. Some girls are normal, one is tsundere, another is very shy and then you have the weird ones as well. Oh, and we can't forget the teacher with a large chest. As you can see, this is quite a typical aspect of this kind of genre. Most of the female characters have their own side stories, with the main male character of course, which give us an inside into their life and personality, but none of them are developed enough (perhaps playing the game would help here).
Now onto the male characters; There are quite a few of them. The main male character is the most important one of course. He's a typical "good and nice" guy that you'll find in most harem animes. Now, all the remaining characters are simply ugly perverts as described by the female characters. They are there to provide entertainment, and they do it well. It all makes me sometimes wonder: "What is this main character doing in a school filled with pervs and rejects. He doesn't even fit there at all?!"
As I mentioned before this series does contain some good comedy, even though some scenes can be questionable (and some take it too far). It was a good watch, but it's not the weak core plot that makes it good. It's the characters and situations that they get into that count. To sum all this up, rewatching the whole series just for the plot would be a waste of time, but as for the rest I wouldn't have any objections.
What would happen if you took a Japanese porno game, removed all the sex scenes, and released it as an anime so people could enjoy the ingenious plot? On the good end of the spectrum with "good" being a relative term, you get Fate Stay Night. On the unholy end of the spectrum you get the evil known as Green Green!
Green Green is about an all male school located in the middle of nowhere that suddenly has female guest students for a few months as a social experiment. Now the boys must spend those months trying to get into the girls' pants. That's it.
That's the entire plot. The reason Fate Stay Night worked was because it actually had a plot and characters beyond a bare bones set up for characters to start banging! Even Seikon no Qwasar tried harder than this to develop a plot! Green Green has the plot complexity of a seedy 1970s porno with Ron Jeremy or John Holmes. A pizza delivery guy goes over to a hot chick's house and suddenly the power goes out. We took out all the fucking scenes so...they sit around and do nothing. End. Fin. Das Ende
Our bland and shitty MC is named Yusuke, NOT to be confused with infinitely better MCs of the same name. The other main characters are a trio of bumbling idiots called appropriately... the "idiot trio". Dear GOD do I hate these 3 guys! They are some of the most loathsome, obnoxious, odious characters I have ever seen in an anime. They are supposed to be the comic relief, but instead they simply cause the viewer to grind his or her teeth into dust. They were supposed to have an annoying yet likeable dynamic similar to Team Rocket from Pokemon. However, I could never hate Jesse, James, and Meowth like I hate these fuckers no matter how stale and repetitive the Team Rocket Motto got after 300 episodes. Imagine you took Team Rocket's level of redundant obnoxiousness, but replaced Jesse, James, and Meowth with: Shou Tucker from FMA, Makoto from School Days, and pedo stepfather from Elfen Lied. THAT would be like the Idiot Trio from Green Green!
art and sound: 3/10
The art looks pretty shitty, although the animators at least tried to add boob jiggle effects. The boobs look awful, but I guess I will give them a point for effort. The soundtrack...was garbage. The opening theme is J-pop ear sodomy, the background music may as well not exist, and the closing theme is more ear sodomy. The voice acting is some of the worst I have EVER heard in any anime and I have seen most of the Central Park Media titles! This is on par with fucking Garzey's Wing! Also in case anyone involved with the US dub of Green Green is reading this, the name is pronounced Yuse-kay. 2 syllables. It is NOT yu-SU-kay. You dumb bastards!
Enjoyment: "Tamakeri" / 10
Don't know what tamakeri is? Google it bitches!
Green Green wanted to just be another harem comedy. It aimed for mediocrity and ended up with an absolute TRAIN WRECK of a show! I have no idea how the hell this happened. It isn't that hard to make a mediocre harem anime worthy of a 4 out of 10. Green Green just sucked a golf ball through a garden hose in every category.
I shouldn't use a real life tragedy to make a joke, but I couldn't mention Green Green without bringing up a certain "elephant in the room". Green Green is SO bad that it may have actually helped push a famous, mentally unstable anime critic over the edge. In the early days of youtube, one of the most popular and subscribed to anime critic was a guy named "Mr Anime". His last review was Green Green in which he was foaming at the mouth with rage at how bad this series was...then the next week he went on a murder spree and is now in jail for life with no chance of parole! Obviously Green Green can't cause neurological disorders, but could it have possibly helped give him that final push by making him REALLY angry? It can't be entirely ruled out. Green Green is simply that bad! It is the Cthulu of anime. Those that gaze upon it are driven mad!
When I think to myself, "What is the worst anime ever made?" several titles come to mind. Shows like Big Order, Mars of Destruction and Genocyber, as well as the recent catastrophe, Hand Shakers, may be awoken in your subconscious, but, there is an evil that lurks within the recesses of my mind. A show that I have blocked out for years; placed a barrier in front of my eyes from ever thinking about again. I have attempted to repress this title countless times in my head, but, alas, each time I have been completely fruitless in my actions. This terrible piece of entertainment, is
known as only one colour; and, how appropriate that this colour be the one associated with puke. This, ladies and gentlemen, is Green Green!
Aside from winning the award for the laziest title name ever, Green Green is a show from the early 2000s and it hasn't aged well in the slightest! Like many other shows of that time, the harem genre was taking effect and it seemed that everyone began to jump on the gravy-filled bandwagon and the result, is something truly horrifying. While this show, just from the pictures present here on on MAL, may seem like your typical harem with the main aim being fan service, I assure you, what lurks underneath is an unspeakable piece of garbage that has transcended the very realms of humanity itself! Okay, I may be relying a little too much on hyperbolic language here, but one of the reasons why I hate this show, despite the numerous other reasons to hate it that I'll get into in a moment, is that Green Green was amongst my first few anime that I ever watched at the beginning of my anime watching career at the end of 2011. Here I am, optimistic and ignorant to the idea of a terrible anime, when BOOM!, like a hit to the nuts, here comes this vile piece of shit to completely mentally scare me. But, I've stalled for too long. Unfortunately, I must dive into why this anime is so horrible!
The original product of Green Green was, in fact, an eroge, but the show completely omits all of the sex scenes and leaves us with nothing. Why did they think this was a good idea? Eroge's are not exactly known for having great narratives or anything, aside from a few series I can think of from the top of my head, and God, does the bear bones story ever show when you remove the only thing that would keep people interested in the first place. Essentially, some random all boys school in the middle of nowhere, is greeted by a bunch of girls from an all girl school, as they both live with each other for a month as a social experiment of some kind set up by both respective schools, while the boys try and get into the girl's underwear. That's it! The rest of the show is essentially just a bunch of painfully unfunny and awkward jokes while the female characters are forced to remove as much clothing as possible in the most insulting of ways while the writers attempt, ATTEMPT to build up relationships between these characters but it just falls flat on its face.
Aside from the lack of any plot, the characters are just as bad, if not, worse in many regards and aspects. The main character, Yuuskue, is about as entertaining as watching paint dry, actually, no, scrap that. That's an insult to paint drying on a wall! Not only is he given the most bland, cookie-cutter design, but his involvement in the story is as strong as Steven Hawkins in a boxing match. For a character the show seems to be trying to push as someone we should feel empathy towards, it's kind of fucking hard to do when he has nothing to care about. He has no charisma, no personality, and yet, all of the girls still harbour crushes for this damn guy! He clearly is nothing else but a bland self-insert for all of the filthy weebs to latch onto and thus, they made his personality as bare bones as possible in order to achieve this. Fuck it. Even though this anime is not adapted from a light novel, I am dubbing this guy "Light Novel Empowerment Guy" for the remainder of this review since his character reminds me so much of your typical light novel narrative. Anyway, Light Novel Empowerment Guy, somehow, manages to win the affection of every girl he encounters on his journey, through his amazing power of dullness, including the main love interest of the series, a girl named Chitose Midori. I bet the writer felt REAL smart using Chitose's last name, which means Green. Round of applause; originality is dead with this show!
Anyway, Chitose is completely in love with him from the offset, and we actually learn, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, that both Light Novel Empowerment Guy and Chitose were both lovers in a previous life and are reincarnations of those very same people! When I first watched this, I slammed by head on the desk from such a stupid plot twist. Not only was there no mention of the supernatural at all up to this point, aside from REALLY vague pieces of dialogue, but it comes across as so stupid and badly written. And guess what! Light Novel Empowerment Guy is still JUST as boring as was before! I don't care if he a reincarnation or whatever! In fact, now he is even more dull since he behaved exactly like this, but in a previous life! Double the dullness for you! Anyway, Light Novel Empowerment Guy's and Chisote's relationship feels completely tacked-on and lifeless, not to mention superficial. It doesn't grow during the course of the series, we don't really understand why these two love each other aside from the fact that the script tells them to do so, and after Light Novel Empowerment Guy remembers his past, he falls in love with her straight away, erasing any development the characters may of had.
The show tries to develop Light Novel Empowerment Guy's relationships with the other girls, and while there is a little development between him and a girl called Futaba, nothing in the end feels satisfying or plays off in an interesting way. Each girl is clearly there to full-fill a certain archetype. We have the one with the big boobs, the loli character, the eccentric character and the Tsundere. They attempt to mask this by giving each girl some oddly specific personality trait, but just like Hand Shakers, this doesn't make a character interesting, in fact, it only further highlights how terrible the writing is. One girl has a strange obsession with a cactus; another likes horror stuff. That's it. Give every award to Green Green because CLEARLY nothing else will ever compete with this level of writing.
Now, at this point, the show doesn't sound as bad as I had described it to be in the opening paragraphs, but I haven't gotten to the parts I hate yet. That honour goes to the TERRIBLE comedy and the worst trio I have ever seen! Each joke is centred around three complete idiots and I HATED these characters. Never before have I been so repulsed and annoyed at three fictional characters before, but these guys, aside from being completely obnoxious, are also complete fucking creeps who attempt to sexually harass the girls in an attempt to have their way with them. They're essentially three pervert male characters, all of which consistently break the law and do just some plain creepy stuff! One of these three has a complete obsession with little sisters and attempts to have his way with a girl who looks no older than ten-years-old. Not only does he sneak into her room at night and sleep next to her, but, for some fucking reason, also brings a bowl and some rice and, well...decides to eat rice next to her sleeping body while crying to himself in regards to how cute she is. If this sounded fucking insane, that's because it is, and the anime expects us to laugh at this shit! I spent more time being freaked out if anything else! And this scenario I just explained to you is one of the more tamer ones! They get much worse! One scene, for instance, features the trio stuck inside a sauna of some sorts, as they become hotter and hotter and, because of the lack of water, become more disillusioned. They imagine that each one the guys is a girl they like and begin to touch each other sexually! When I first watched this scene I turned it off straight away and had a long, cold shower to reevaluate all of my life up to that point.
At one point, they decide to use a fishing rod to forcibly remove a girl's top, revealing her bare breasts; another time they're, no joke, raped by a bear while out in the woods, and they're constantly tearing off their cloths in the presence of women. I mean, fuck me, I know that puberty makes everyone become a bit more, "excited", let's put it, but these guys are pretty much all sex offenders, and it's just the fact that the show thinks this is comedic is what makes me hate this show as much as I do. It's disgusting, as low brow as you could possibly go and is wrong on so many levels that I can't even explain all of the events. I would tell you to check it out for yourselves since the only way to know of the horrors this show entails is to see it yourself but I would never wish this upon another human being. The show is clearly aiming at being an ecchi, but, even then, it fails in that regard. The girls themselves aren't all that appealing in character designs and looks and, if you're watching an anime for such a reason, there are so many better alternatives, even other shows that aired in the same season such as Ikkitousen. Sure, Ikkitousen is also trash, but, at the very least, works as an eechi anime and doesn't take itself seriously.
The animation and art design is AWFUL; everything looks so bland and washed out. As the title suggests, there sure is a lot of Green, so much so, that the shots of the hills and grass have burnt a permanent image into my retinas forever. The character designs are dull and lack any originality and the animation is the most bare bones and cheap you could imagine. Characters barely move, and when they do, the movement feels clunky. They did manage to get the boob jiggles right, because, clearly, that is the most important aspect of this show. The music is also terrible. The opening is a super obnoxious J-Pop song that doesn't have any right to be so upbeat for such a boring show, and you can gauge the quality of this shit just from the opening alone. It's essentially just a mouse cursor that hovers over the girl's naked bodies and cloths materalize out of thin air. I have to wonder however. For some reason, when the girls are equipped with a bra, their breasts bounce even more than before, even though a bras main function, at least to my knowledge, is to keep the goods in place. I know I'm looking into this way too deep but when a show offers you this little intellectual stimulation, your mind wanders over to such things.
FUN FACT! This show actually did get a hentai OVA release, and just like the show, it is one of the worst hentais ever made. It's pretty bare bones in terms of the sexual scenes and there is even a lesbian scene, but all of this is ruined by the fact that we have the trio, now personified as monkeys, jerking off whilst watching Light Novel Empowerment Guy and Chitose having sex. It's creepy and this OVA adds nothing more to the characters or story, in fact, it regresses everything.
In conclusion, this anime is awful in every sense of the word. While not as technically broken as something like Hand Shakers, the sheer amount of strange, gross and uncomfortable scenes made me feel sick and combine that with a completely boring and linear narrative with some terrible excuse of reincarnation makes for a terrible ride. Avoid this shit like the plague.