| Well, there's not much of an idea there. You may not like what I have to say, and I'm really not trying to be mean, but it seems pretty generic so far. Obviously if you flesh out characters and make an interesting plot it could work, but can you? |
| Use normal names please...! Like Pedro... |
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| I see some conceptual ideas for elements in the story. I don't see the idea for the story. |
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| Sounds like a masterpiece. One day it would stand side by side with Madoka and Steins;gate. agaffe said: the names give off a stench of weeaboo And not the Kanji (or w.e) provided? |
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| This is like the most generic fantasy story ever. Or maybe just most fantasy manga are generic... hmm.. |
| ʕ • ᴥ • ʔ |
adamjc1111 said: MelbShaw said: Sounds like a masterpiece. One day it would stand side by side with Madoka and Steins;gate. I can't tell if you are being sarcastic. He is... |
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| No I don't. Pretty clichéd characters. Generic story. |
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TallonKarrde23 said: I see some conceptual ideas for elements in the story. I don't see the idea for the story. ^ pretty much this, you should write a synopsis at least (even if you're not sure about the story yet, you can always make some changes later ) and I have a question about the names you're ginving to the characters and titles.... why are you putting them in japanese/romaji? if the original version of the story is not japanese it doesn't have much sense in my opinion D: (unless you speak japanese and you're used to hear those names eveyday and etc <--- don't know if I explained myself good enough orz) |
NemuriNezumiSep 19, 2013 9:02 AM
- I only draw freestyle! - |
| Don't be too hard on the guy. Look at his list, his favorite anime is Sword Art Online. It's not that surprising that he watched that and thought "hey, I could probably write something like this". Stop being such a weeb, if you're going to write something don't pretend like you're Japanese. |
| Are you trying to write a manga or make a shitty generic online game? i can't tell. |
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adamjc1111 said: Thank you all for your oh so conductive criticism. This not me raging It's you showing off a lack of English skills, which means you probably shouldn't write anything. |
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adamjc1111 said: Thank you all for your oh so conductive criticism. This not me raging but I do feel you are being harsh, this is not me pretending to be Japanese this me coming up with an idea I thought was good and trying to share it. I felt if I named the characters Jim, Bob and Susan would be stupid but if that is what it takes to be taken seriously I will do that. Sorry for making you waste your time. And it also isn't a Sword art rip it is just my creativity witch I guess is non existent. Thanks. Well, you really shouldn't take internet shit talk so serious. You wont last long that way. Anyways, serious advice... Don't make it have a Japanese theme, there's no need for it. Look at Harry Potter, that has magic, magic isn't something Japanese. You can base it in a setting you are more familiar with. Then, at least the way you described it, it sounds very generic. Do something to make it unique, it doesn't have to be completely original ideas cause that's almost impossible, it's just what you wrote is insanely basic and generic. Lastly, write more and come up with an actual premise and basic plot outline if you want anyone to take it even remotely serious and give you feedback. There's really nothing here to even give you feedback on, that's why people are giving you shit. |
adamjc1111 said: [...] this is not me pretending to be Japanese this me coming up with an idea I thought was good and trying to share it. I felt if I named the characters Jim, Bob and Susan would be stupid but if that is what it takes to be taken seriously I will do that.[...] I don't think you got my point there what I was asking is why you put their japanese/kanji version (陽, 泉 & 肇) if your story isn't wrote in japanese (you can put all the names you want, that's not the problem here! but it looks like you spent more time in this (searching the "good" kanjis to make it look like cooler) than the plot itself which actually is none) and the title the same, you put a title in japanese (マギのレクイエム / Magi no rekuiem ) but you're story isn't wrote in japanese, looks kinda off and that's why I'm telling you (unless you are going to use the english version) I wasn't trying to be hard on you, but you thread really doesn't even look like anything serious :/ |
NemuriNezumiSep 20, 2013 7:03 AM
- I only draw freestyle! - |
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