| I was wondering.. have any of you guys experienced that time when you felt kinda friendless? I mean I have friends but one of my best friends is in UK studying and the other one is in my town. Lately, however, she seems weird..She doesn't want to go out and if I try to call her or stuff she seems dreamy, in another world. She doesn't like to go out at all, she prefers staying home and doing nothing..My other friends aren't so close and it would be weird or so I think to ask them to meet out of nowhere. I am not the pestering typo when it comes to my boyfriend so I don't bother him when I feel kinda lonely... What would you guys do in this lack of friends period? Enjoy your time or try to make new friends ? |
evelyness said: I am not the pestering typo when it comes to my boyfriend so I don't bother him when I feel kinda lonely... so i don't bother him when I feel kinda lonely... i think you should go bother him a bit. just saiyan. i get what you mean. but these 'lack of friends period' are nice and don't come along often so i enjoy my time alone. but if you really want to meet some people, go to a small gig or something, people always chat it up there. and there are always people who go to shows alone so.. |
| I'm kinda like your other friend at the moment so... yes, all the time :( It's okay though. I don't know... lots of friends can be emotionally draining (because I am the type that is affected a lot by other people's emotions). I do bug my bf when I'm lonely though. You should do that. |
hikkyJun 5, 2012 2:45 PM
| Usually with enough entertainment and hedonistic pleasure, social belonging is not much of a problem. Not having someone to hang out with only gets troublesome when you realize you've start to run out of easy hedonistic stuff to do that actually feels pleasuable. At least, that's how I usually roll. Thankfully with my MCAT course I get to see a friend everyday on weekdays and on volunteer shifts. So you could either just find some enjoyable stuff to do at this time or bother your past friends (hopefully you have a cell to shamelessly text them with random messages). Making new friends is usually a natural process, not one where you force yourself to do so. So it's probably not a good option. |
| It's kind of impossible for me to feel lonely since my "best friend" is also my sister and we live in the same house, my other closest friend (who'd I'd consider "best") also lives just a few minutes away. Sometimes I wish I could get some "alone time" :| As for your problem, it's kind of difficult, you could try arranging with your friends to see each other on a specific day, since me and my friends are getting older now and a lot of them have work/boyfriends/college etc we generally try to arrange to going out at least once a week (usually Friday or Saturday, this is kind of important since we're getting older, we start dating people, you need to arrange a night where its sort of like "girls night" where they arent doing anything with there boyfriends) you could try something like this as well. Or if going out isn't really your think than something different, the important thing is to be there together after all. Outside of that, you're looking at either depending on your boyfriend more or trying to make some new friends who are more outgoing (although this could cause problems later on if your old friends want to do stuff again or you might end up drifting further and further apart till you don't really speak at all anymore). |
| "If you love someone Follow your heart Cause love comes once If you’re lucky enough" |
| I'm the kind of person who has lots of good friends but *needs* to spend a lot of time alone doing my own thing. Seeing friends a lot is mentally exhausting for me, yet if I spend too much time alone even I feel lonely and friendless sometimes. I get that you don't want to morph into a needy dependent girlfriend, but spending more time with your boyfriend would make you feel less lonely. Maybe organise a cinema trip or outing for any friends still in your area? Whenever I get lonely I just invite friends over we go out somewhere for dinner. Also depends on how brave you are about making new friends. Join a club, hang out with someone you get along with but never really had the chance to get to know very well. |
| For me, when there is a lack of friends in the surrounding new environment, I would probably wait for someone to talk to me. However, if someone catches my interest, I will talk to them. Not everyone can be my real friend, and with time, I will be able to see if they are right for me. |
| Thank you so much for answering. I am starting to feel better somehow, I think I am just in a panic state but yes this lonely periods are ok, cause they don't last too long. And I will pester him a bit more. xD As for my friends I will take into consideration that one day when we should all meet and also maybe join some clubs, annoy people on online games and so forth. Hikky she is emotionally draining too but she's been like that since I've known her and I didn't run away. Tachii I agree, befriending others is truly natural ^^" and yea when I get to uni - 3 months left- I suppose I will at some point wish to have some lonely time. Thank you again for your pieces of advice, it surely made my day . ^^ |
| I don't think there's anything to worry about as long as she's not showing signs of depression or anything. Some people are just naturally introverted and have more fun spending time at home, and going out to the movies or partying or whatever is very exhausting and draining. I for one enjoy watching anime or playing games quietly by myself over big social activities, though I really only have one IRL friend to begin with so it's not like many opportunities present themselves anyways. |
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| I'd enjoy my time. There are many fun solitary activities anyway. |
| ^Like posting one liners on a forum 24/7? You should talk to your female friend a bit more, chances are something's up with her. Everyone has those times; it's best when a good friend kicks your butt so you get active again. She's gonna appreciate that you got her free of that phase later on. Alternatively, just go out a bit and make new friends?:p As far as your boyfriend goes, no need to hold back, really. You're a couple for a reason, so you should show him that you want to be with him. Don't drift apart from anyone like that. Asking once in a while to do something should be fine. If he feels bothered by it I'm sure he'd tell you eventually. |
 ~ Love knows no boundaries ~ -- Thanks to -Luzifer- for the signature. |
| Relationships exist for this reason. Should be telling your boyfriend this not us. It sounds like your friend is probably burnt out on social outings. People tend to love and hate each other when they spend too much time together. Give her a break and try to get together in a bit. Its important to have breaks, but to keep them as breaks. So many friends drift apart due to lack of follow through, its sad honestly. |
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| And this is why relationships fail. |
| friendship is overrated, i have quite a fair amount of friends but never take them too seriously, i just enjoy them for the company and if it dosen't work out *shrugs* plenty more in the sea, what i'm trying to say i guess is don't get so worked up about it, everything will fall into place, if something goes wrong it goes wrong, just know that you did your best and be happy you at least had a best friend and memories you can hold on to you know?? |
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Clous said: This did not concern my relationship but my friendless time, I just wanted an opinion which is why I asked that question.Relationships exist for this reason. Should be telling your boyfriend this not us. JonyJC said: And this is why relationships fail. Well if you are the type that likes 24/24 time with one person, good for you. I on the other hand like to give some breaks too even though I don't want that much a break and besides pestering is not one of my things. Clous said: I've been giving her a break for 6 months so I don't think that's the case. I'd be more inclined to believe she is in that introverted phase like Veronin said. It sounds like your friend is probably burnt out on social outings. People tend to love and hate each other when they spend too much time together. Give her a break and try to get together in a bit. Its important to have breaks, but to keep them as breaks. So many friends drift apart due to lack of follow through, its sad honestly. Vocaloawesome said: be happy you at least had a best friend and memories you can hold on to you know?? Sorry to hear that :\ |
| Paraph I had a similar situation last year and maybe you are right. I will let her alone if she wants to be alone if the introverted state turns out not to be so introverted. |
evelyness said: Paraph I had a similar situation last year and maybe you are right. I will let her alone if she wants to be alone if the introverted state turns out not to be so introverted. Could be that she's just dealing with some issues that she needs to get through, I agree with Paraph to some extent I finished high school last year and I've basically long contact with quite a few friends from there so that could be partly whats happening, depends really how close you were. If you were very good friends I really doubt she just doesn't want to see you again. |
| "If you love someone Follow your heart Cause love comes once If you’re lucky enough" |
| Had lots of friends in high school. Get out of high school. Now interpreted as a misanthropist. /thread |
lucjanJun 6, 2012 6:05 PM
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| to tell the truth I think i am one of those friends that leave people friendless because there was a pool party, but I didn't want to go...so i didn't. I think it was because it was summer my time alone. Yayyy!! so I don't exactly feel friendless ^^ I prefer no friends during my time alone.... |
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| i got lots oif friends grew up in a small town still friends with elementary school friends i had i see them often enough but i like my alone time too but i dont go a day without hanging out with a friend |
| I'd enjoy my time. I'm not good at making friends unless I end up in the same situation as them (roommates, for instance). But I'm glad to have some alone time - it's important to enjoy time alone, because if you're always with friends, you might start to think that being alone is unacceptable and then you won't be able to stand it. I've got a best friend and then a few other friends, one of whom is several hours away. I probably see my friends 1-3 times a week, and I'm perfectly happy with that. I'm home for the summer and living with my family until I head back to college, so I am still surrounded by people. As for alone time, that's what hobbies are for. I'm always looking for new stuff to distract myself with. |
 "In both love and octopus-hunting, you have to take the initiative!" - Gintoki Sakata |
| I usually spend my 'friendless' time with family but I have a fairly large family so it's easier. I can't stand being alone for long, I get bored. Occasionally, I go and visit an old friend or relative, someone I haven't seen or spoken to in months. |
| I used to be pretty popular, but then I went to a university a couple hundred miles away. There were times, especially at the beginning, when I felt like I was without friends. Sure, I met lots of people, and according to facebook, we were 'friends', but I didn't have that close knit group of friends I had in high school. What I realized is that sometimes it's good to be alone. It gives you an opportunity to think about where you are, and where you're heading. After I kinda reaffirmed how I wanted to live my life, friends who shared the same kind of idealism began to fall in place for a new set of 'close' friends. |
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| You'll continue to make friendships as years pass. I've made and seen a lot of friendships go. In cases where I don't have friends around it helps that I'm an introvert. |
evelyness said: [ I've been giving her a break for 6 months so I don't think that's the case. I'd be more inclined to believe she is in that introverted phase Most people don't use the term lately to describe a 6 month period. Move on at that point. |
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Paraph said: Vocaloawesome said: friendship is overrated, i have quite a fair amount of friends but never take them too seriously, i just enjoy them for the company and if it dosen't work out *shrugs* plenty more in the sea, what i'm trying to say i guess is don't get so worked up about it, everything will fall into place, if something goes wrong it goes wrong, just know that you did your best and be happy you at least had a best friend and memories you can hold on to you know?? you don't take other people seriously? that's probably the most essential thing for any relationship. casual acquaintances are fine, but don't expect anything amazing if you can't even do the most basic thing for those around you. *shrugs* dosen't stop me making good friends, cos i have enough of them to keep me happy, just effectively stops me getting hurt, and i don't really desire anything amazing really, people fail to amaze these days. :S |
| wubwubwubwub |
JonyJC said: And this is why relationships fail. Well if you are the type that likes 24/24 time with one person, good for you. I on the other hand like to give some breaks too even though I don't want that much a break and besides pestering is not one of my things. Nothing like that, it was a comment on the lack of communication between you and your boyfriend, the fact that you mentioned him when there's no reason to means something I could guess what but it would just be a guess what I do know is that stuff like that builds up over time and ends relationships. |
JonyJC said: Nothing like that, it was a comment on the lack of communication between you and your boyfriend, the fact that you mentioned him when there's no reason to means something I could guess what but it would just be a guess what I do know is that stuff like that builds up over time and ends relationships. Not wanting to look "clingy" or "desperate" is pretty common in a relationship, if your best friends are unavailable as the OP said (one friend studying abroad, the other becoming more distance) you don't really want to rely on him for everything. That's usually how relationships break up. |
| "If you love someone Follow your heart Cause love comes once If you’re lucky enough" |
NicoleB said: JonyJC said: Nothing like that, it was a comment on the lack of communication between you and your boyfriend, the fact that you mentioned him when there's no reason to means something I could guess what but it would just be a guess what I do know is that stuff like that builds up over time and ends relationships. Not wanting to look "clingy" or "desperate" is pretty common in a relationship, if your best friends are unavailable as the OP said (one friend studying abroad, the other becoming more distance) you don't really want to rely on him for everything. That's usually how relationships break up. I was talking about communication between them, this thread was opened to ask a question on how to deal with her friend but somehow she mentions her boyfriend and how she doesn't want to be clingy, that means she's forcing herself to not be with him as much as she would like to because she thinks she would be clingy. It is better to just ask instead of assuming something in a relationship. |
| I've come to realize that it's normal to experience "friendless" periods, especially during the transitional stages of your life. Just gotta learn to enjoy your time alone... easier said than done, tho. Especially when you miss someone a lot. It's sad but most friends tend to come and go, especially during youth. If you feel like someone's drifting away from you you're probably right, it's hard but I guess you have to accept it and move on with your life... you'll meet new people along the way. However I do hope that some relationships in people's lives can go on forever... |
NicoleB said: Not wanting to look "clingy" or "desperate" is pretty common in a relationship, if your best friends are unavailable as the OP said (one friend studying abroad, the other becoming more distance) you don't really want to rely on him for everything. That's usually how relationships break up. Exactly. JonyJC said: I was talking about communication between them, this thread was opened to ask a question on how to deal with her friend but somehow she mentions her boyfriend and how she doesn't want to be clingy, that means she's forcing herself to not be with him as much as she would like to because she thinks she would be clingy. It is better to just ask instead of assuming something in a relationship. We do talk quite a lot, we are classmates, desk mates, we live close to each other so that is enough communication. What Nicole said is precisely what I meant. :) Azylira said: Just gotta learn to enjoy your time alone... easier said than done, tho. Especially when you miss someone a lot. It's sad but most friends tend to come and go, especially during youth. If you feel like someone's drifting away from you you're probably right, it's hard but I guess you have to accept it and move on with your life... you'll meet new people along the way. However I do hope that some relationships in people's lives can go on forever... Yes,you just hit the nail on the head. That's the thing, that is sad to see how have things turned out in the end and that you have to let it go and move on. Vocaloawesome said: *shrugs* dosen't stop me making good friends, cos i have enough of them to keep me happy, just effectively stops me getting hurt, and i don't really desire anything amazing really, people fail to amaze these days. :S Yes but if you don't risk a little how can you expect to have amazing experiences/activities and so forth? I mean some of us get hurt but we also have great memories, right? |
| All of my friends forgot about me since we started college, and everytime we agree to meet up it falls through. Now, my only friends are my mom and my bf, and I'm fine with that. But my bestfriends will always be my friends even if we don't talk anymore. And when I was younger, I didn't have any friends until the 6th grade, then not until 8th grade did I have any real friends. My shyness was the main problem, but I learned to become more outgoing. |
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| I'm the type of person who makes friends in the classroom, but have only a few real friends outside of school. It's satisfying enough for me and I enjoy being alone more than hanging out. |
| Less - less likely to be back stabbed. More - more likely to get back stabbed. |
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| i would at least try to be social and make friends, but if that doesn't work out i'd just stay home and watch anime |
Yeah_Im_Amazing said: Less - less likely to be back stabbed. More - more likely to get back stabbed. That's one (awful) way of looking at it. |
| "If you love someone Follow your heart Cause love comes once If you’re lucky enough" |
| I feel like this a lot (recently). The problem is their opinion on me, well more like first impression. I mind my own business and don't talk much to others, so they think I'm some guy with no life. Another problem is that the friends I have aren't close, so we never hang out or something. I need something like a group that I can hang out with.. |
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| I've never exactly had many friends as I was growing up, and my relationships usually end up falling apart for some reason at some point, so having friends has always been one of the last things to be on my mind. I think I've never relied on the friends I had for anything. Well, I don't have my hopes high for making friends so most of the people I know are just acquaintances. I never needed friends to get through those kinds of times though. I don't mean to sound like a sort of downer 'cause I'm not, but I'm just trying to say that you don't gotta rely on other people. Ehh Or maybe I'm just that type of person. |
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| Actually Adolebit after some screwed up relationships I tend to believe that you have to be independent, never to rely on anybody but your family and maybe that 1 or 2 close friends(bf/bff). _Yasuda_ said: I need something like a group that I can hang out with.. I feel for you, that's what I would like too. But whenever I want sth it never pops up, it will surprise me when I expect it the least. So I'd say don't worry, as some people said above find something to fill your time. Do that and you won't even notice how time flies. :) |
| The number of friends I try to keep up with has been dropping steadily over the last 3-4 years, but I would say I feel less lonely than before. It's so much less stressful to build proper friendships with a small number of people, especially if you're relatively busy with school/work/whatever else. Personally, the more confident I am in going to people for the important stuff, the less lonely I feel. I don't care if I have a million "friends" I could invite out for lunch or to the bar, if I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to them about serious stuff then they aren't filling that void. That being said, there is nothing wrong with basic acquaintances, sometimes your schedules just don't allow you to become close friends and it's nice to be able to have company for fun/trivial things as well. tl;dr, quality over quantity pappril said: i would at least try to be social and make friends, but if that doesn't work out i'd just stay home and watch anime Legendary advice. |
LoneWolf said: @Josh makes me sad to call myself Canadian. |
evelyness said: I don't like groups, period. Even if they are all people I know. More people means a whole lot less talking for me and to everyone else and most of the time it gets really silly than what it should be if you only have 2-3 friends with you. So no, I'm not sure if you guys had a group to hang out with but I would not prefer that over a few people._Yasuda_ said: I need something like a group that I can hang out with.. I feel for you, that's what I would like too. But whenever I want sth it never pops up, it will surprise me when I expect it the least. So I'd say don't worry, as some people said above find something to fill your time. Do that and you won't even notice how time flies. :) |
| I mean this in the least pathetic-sounding way, but over the years i've adapted to being independent for the most part. I've never really had permanent friends, so whenever someone leaves i'm just like "Well, see yah" (i hope none of the people i currently know never find out i feel this way, lol). It's not something that really affects me unless i'm really, really bored. Having friends is one of the least priorities for me. I can get along fine with someone i just met, but having them hang on to me and keep in touch afterwards isn't that important (in fact, sometimes i see it as a hassle). I wasn't sociable to begin with anyway. Groups are not my thing as i tend to get washed away in the crowd, and it took a while for me to become accustomed at starting a conversation with one person. Sometimes i do get a little lonely, but overall i get over it by doing hobbies i've learned to love over the years such as reading, watching Anime, drawing, etc. There's online communities that don't require friends to socialize, and i volunteer at a lot of events so i end up meeting a lot of people to converse with. In the end i don't really need friends. Acquaintances, classmates, random people you can chat about a television show with are all enough to keep me out of the misanthrope/antisocial side. If you're feeling lonely go out and just do stuff. Go shopping, go to the park and strike up conversations, chat online, watch Anime, get some hobbies, etc. You won't feel lonely if you have things to do. You won't even notice. |
| A lot of friends. I don't wanna end up like some hikikomori otaku that just stays in their house and watch anime until they get obese and end up dying a virgin,with just a few people attending their funeral. Damn. The thought just scares me. |
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Tachii said: Hmm for me a group means 4 persons and yes hanging out with fewer it's less umm exhausting let's say.evelyness said: I don't like groups, period. Even if they are all people I know. More people means a whole lot less talking for me and to everyone else and most of the time it gets really silly than what it should be if you only have 2-3 friends with you. So no, I'm not sure if you guys had a group to hang out with but I would not prefer that over a few people._Yasuda_ said: I need something like a group that I can hang out with.. I feel for you, that's what I would like too. But whenever I want sth it never pops up, it will surprise me when I expect it the least. So I'd say don't worry, as some people said above find something to fill your time. Do that and you won't even notice how time flies. :) Vyudali said: If you're feeling lonely go out and just do stuff. Go shopping, go to the park and strike up conversations, chat online, watch Anime, get some hobbies, etc. You won't feel lonely if you have things to do. You won't even notice. Noted. spinecollect said: A lot of friends. I don't wanna end up like some hikikomori otaku that just stays in their house and watch anime until they get obese and end up dying a virgin,with just a few people attending their funeral. Damn. The thought just scares me. Ermm, it can't end up that bad, right? |
spinecollect said: A lot of friends. I don't wanna end up like some hikikomori otaku that just stays in their house and watch anime until they get obese and end up dying a virgin,with just a few people attending their funeral. Damn. The thought just scares me. Then why do you have Daru as your avatar? |
LoneWolf said: @Josh makes me sad to call myself Canadian. |
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