With how many people do you write on average per day?
Noboru said: SunshowerHina said: It's not contradictory, but rather exactly as you say. I agree with you that sooner or later, you will end up seeking closer contact to people and yes, there is always a risk to end up getting hurt when the other person ends up distancing themselves from you. So the viable way I see is to try out getting to know lots of people and then only developing closer contact with the people that reciprocate the most, are stable and with whom you feel the bestConversations in the long term will turn stale & repetitive, sometimes you cant help but look for that spark or development in your relationship/friendship. Not to mention, the more longer your conversation/friendship with that person, The more you get curious about who they are & there goes the dilemma im talking bout. SunshowerHina said: Yes, it takes time, but even then, something can happen that makes someone become distrustfulSometimes i cant help but just want to skip steps/want to go too fast on how relationships/friendships develop but again, Thats not how relationships/friendships work unfortunately & not to mention, trust issues from both parties. So theres that. SunshowerHina said: What about it? xD& That old thread. smh. Y'know, we have the same approach in friendships/relationships, i also create many connections & its due to my extroverted nature. & This is y i see relationships in a come & go mindset. You can go out as fast as you come in. Its up to the person, if they gave effort. I always assume that one day, (besides blood-related relatives & family/s) people will be gone out of my life & they can ezly be replaced. So if a person stays that long in my life, its either bcoz i care & that person reciprocated my efforts or were blood related. & most connections i have that stayed for long r on the latter. & thats y i said im contradictory in my previous msg, I always choose the short term approach coz in the long term, i know theyll be gone sometime anyway. As a person who had many quote, unquote friends back in the day, U dunno how many long term friendships i have lost due to mines, misunderstanding & lack of effort from both parties. Also, that forum has one of my earliest comments in a forum, hence my reaction. |
" Kindness can sometimes lead you to trouble. "  |
| for me i mostly talk in discord a decade ago i used to forum quite a bit here but even then i eventually moved to irc, then skype, then discord. forum is a place where you voice your opinion about a subject usually, not to have a conversation in. the lack of real time response basically makes forum some sort of pseudo penpal thing. if ur getting in "deep" conversations with the gender ur attracted to, it might be because you're consciously or subconsciously looking for a mate tho |
Noboru said: I can say however, that there is a much better chance to get a higher quality relationship if you get to know someone in person. Like in a school setting where you go and spend time at least 5 days a week together, unless there are holidays or someone is on sickness leave. Where you already know each other by fore- and surname and even the location and mobile number. Which makes online sessions with those people far more enjoyable than with people you've met on the Internet who don't even want to get on a first-name basis with you I probably just have unique tastes haha. I have school friends which there has been meet up plans but I still couldnt be bothered wanting to hang out. If it was school meet up then I dont mind because its mandatory to go to school and hanging out friends until school time is over then its all cool. Sometimes talking to people on the internet, I can express more or say things that I wont usually say to my RL friends. I would def say there are advantages/disadvantages to online and RL friends. Its all about being in a comfort enviroment and just natural to be at home, go toilet or putting feet up while if at friends or they have come over, have to be more aware of the surroundings. lol |
 "Don't give up after failing just twice. We'll be able to do it next time. Failure is the stepping stone to success." |
| @SunshowerHina: I've switched to seeking out contact with more people to get less emotionally dependent on single people. And yes, so far, blood has proven thicker than water for me, too. Oh that's funny if you already responded to a thread of mine in the past xD @Tachii: I also use mostly Discord for talking However, even in a messenger, real-time response is not guaranteed. If anything, then it seems like people get more stressed from the expectations of having to respond as soon as possible, so it seems very common to stay on invisible, do not disturb or idle. It appears to me that I have lost someone on my "friend" list there just because I wasn't up to for real-time responses whenever they would message me, so :/ You may have a point with the (sub-)conscious looking for a mate. Though the first and foremost priority is to have someone that will stick with me no matter what and to enjoy playing games or other common activities together, rather than seeking someone for sexual and/or romantic pleasures who would become the mother of the mutual children @-Miku_Meister-: I don't think of your tastes as particularly unique Also, it's been also in parts easier for me to open myself up to online contacts than with ones in person You can put your feet up even with friends coming over, lol |
| @Noboru, Yeah that is how I feel and at the time , I was resting my feet on my friends pillow as I was lying down lol. His room was just full of anime and manga all over the place. There was hardly any space to move around. I think one of the other problem is manners, making sure not to fart too loud. You get that stare at each other until someone owns up lol. |
| "Don't give up after failing just twice. We'll be able to do it next time. Failure is the stepping stone to success." |
Noboru said: idk if its cuz ur from germany? or wot, but the way u use english can be real awkward at times, esp the last bit about mother of the mutual children lol@Tachii: I also use mostly Discord for talking However, even in a messenger, real-time response is not guaranteed. If anything, then it seems like people get more stressed from the expectations of having to respond as soon as possible, so it seems very common to stay on invisible, do not disturb or idle. It appears to me that I have lost someone on my "friend" list there just because I wasn't up to for real-time responses whenever they would message me, so :/ You may have a point with the (sub-)conscious looking for a mate. Though the first and foremost priority is to have someone that will stick with me no matter what and to enjoy playing games or other common activities together, rather than seeking someone for sexual and/or romantic pleasures who would become the mother of the mutual children people who get anxious at that type of thing sounds to me they have low self esteem, to go so far as to hide their online presence. or have trouble saying no, which still points back to low esteem. or i guess they just dont want to be bothered, which do not disturb does fairly well sometimes u can kind of tell they perhaps just dont want to talk to you, then you just move on and find someone else to talk with |
| @-Miku_Meister-: Heh, that's awesome if you can be so at ease at your friend's place ^^ lol, I never have that problem, because mine are silent. But I mostly just gulp it down @Tachii: Yes, I am. Is it about the particular wording or about the idea of not seeking a girl (sub-)consciously to make children with? What I'm saying is that such biological reasons are not the primary reason for me to look for a mate, whether I'm aware of it or not. Instead, it's the loneliness and the wish to have someone to talk to most of the time that drives me into conversations And that's exactly why I hope to find people without low confidence or other characteristics. Because I'm getting tired of insecure people and of pseudo-secure people who claim of themselves as being very positive but still much rather give the impression of not being able to control themselves |
| @Noboru, sound is just one of the ways but the smell of fart can be a 2nd trigger or false alarm haha.I usually just feel time slowly passes when at friends. |
| "Don't give up after failing just twice. We'll be able to do it next time. Failure is the stepping stone to success." |
Noboru said: Language barrier might be the reason you're finding more low esteem individuals to be honest. The English language has enough nuances that you can sometimes pick up who they are just by the words they use.@Tachii: Yes, I am. Is it about the particular wording or about the idea of not seeking a girl (sub-)consciously to make children with? What I'm saying is that such biological reasons are not the primary reason for me to look for a mate, whether I'm aware of it or not. Instead, it's the loneliness and the wish to have someone to talk to most of the time that drives me into conversations And that's exactly why I hope to find people without low confidence or other characteristics. Because I'm getting tired of insecure people and of pseudo-secure people who claim of themselves as being very positive but still much rather give the impression of not being able to control themselves My former comment is mostly about how you use words, and not about the content itself. It appears very rigid, using words that usually aren't needed, in other words, lack of concision. For example: "Though the first and foremost priority is to have someone that will stick with me no matter what and to enjoy playing games or other common activities together, rather than seeking someone for sexual and/or romantic pleasures who would become the mother of the mutual children". You could just say "The main reason I'm doing this is not to find a girlfriend, but real friends to do stuff with". There's no need to add all these additional words describing what is essentially a girlfriend. It's extra, it sounds more like some sort of essay than a casual conversation. I dunno, other people might not find a problem with how you type, but it's what it appears to me. |
-Miku_Meister- said: lolsound is just one of the ways but the smell of fart can be a 2nd trigger or false alarm haha.I usually just feel time slowly passes when at friends. And if it passes slowly, it might also be a good thing for a change @Tachii: Yes, there are nuances and I may have trouble picking those up. However, this doesn't explain why out of 26 "friends" I have in Discord rn, only 2 display their status as "online", 4 are on "do-not-disturb", 2 are permanently on "idle" when they're on and the rest appear as offline even when they're actually online My former comment is mostly about how you use words, and not about the content itself. It appears very rigid, using words that usually aren't needed, in other words, lack of concision. Oh okay, but then I'm getting confused because of what you wrote beforeBasically, you were telling me that the reason I would have "deep" conversations with girls would be that I would (sub-) consciously seek a mate. I told you that you might be right about it. Then I specified in what way I would (sub-) consciously seek a mate: more to not feel lonely and less to feel romantic and/or sexual pleasure or to possible make a family with her But length was never really an issue. If anything, then the other side would be the one to spam me more with content when they have been into me and/or into the particular conversation. You can notice on the frequency and intensity of the communication alone how relevant you and/or the topics you're talking about are to someone |
| bro discord "friends" doesnt mean too much and how do u know all of them are pretending to be offline? dont look into it that much honestly it seems we have a language barrier here, i dont think youre getting my point and idk how else to explain it |
| @AmityBlight, @marrmm: take your catfight outside, pls But it would be an interesting topic as to what people see as stalking, so go ahead and create one and argue there about it @Tachii: fam, I've come to the same conclusion that it doesn't mean much Not everyone is pretending, but a big part are. I know, because I notice changing avatars and from experience when I did talk to them in the past If your point was to tell me that I would be over-exhausting because of me being more elaborate, then I'm telling you that this is not the reason my conversations would end up stale or ending. Much rather, I would either piss them off or simply become much less relevant to them |
AmityBlight said: That's fine, I was just trying to make things less hostile. If both of you are interested in talking about it, you will be able to find a way to do so in privateI apologize. I am not fighting anyone. I literally don't know what their talking about. But my take is that you took an example that would be mentioned in a public comment towards someone else and for some reason or other, it seems like especially other girls seem to be very sensitive about having their comments read |
Noboru said: yea i mean, i dont know you enough to comment, just from the way we're chatting you seem too wordy for me to have an ongoing convo with. @Tachii: fam, I've come to the same conclusion that it doesn't mean much Not everyone is pretending, but a big part are. I know, because I notice changing avatars and from experience when I did talk to them in the past If your point was to tell me that I would be over-exhausting because of me being more elaborate, then I'm telling you that this is not the reason my conversations would end up stale or ending. Much rather, I would either piss them off or simply become much less relevant to them how do you piss ppl off? id raise ur statement and say everyone pretends, we all act differently depending on the setting. like i wouldnt talk shit about my supervisor in front of their faces even if i know they're scummy people. just the way the world works. if we are always being blunt and honest, you wouldnt go too far in life |
marrmm said: Do what you want to do. Though I find it quite sad to resort to blocking of communication to people talking normally to you, as opposed to blocking bots or people who would be just insulting/flaming youIt's passive aggressive shit that has to do with me, I mean it's easy for you to say that with no content but it is what it is. No need to talk about it anymore. I just block and move on with my life. @Tachii: lol, the irony when there was initial interest from you in our profile convo waaaay back, but it wasn't really lengthy. If anything, then there was a lack in relevance with what we talked about back then. And this thread conversation is the proof that me being "too wordy" is not the issue, but much rather me being too uninteresting or otherwise becoming irrelevant To answer your question: By having a different opinion. Especially, when someone feels strongly about something Related: https://myanimelist.net/forum/?topicid=1796707 Other cases contain stuff such as a girl distancing herself after becoming closer to another guy in person Well, I understand that there are circumstances where it's better to not be direct, but more often than not, it's counter-productive in communication |
| This is the most casual thread I've ever seen |
"no one really laughs on the internet, they just go 'hM' and type '𝕃𝕄𝔸𝕆𝔸𝕆𝕄𝔸𝕆𝔸'." I'm Level 69 on Mal Badges. View My Badges.  |
| I talk to quite a few but to be frank the older I get the less patience I have to text and what not, it's not that I don't want to talk to people but sometimes it is quite an effort, nothing on their end, mostly because of my own personality. |
| “There is something in this world which no one has ever seen. It is soft and sweet. If it is spotted, I'm sure everyone will want to have it, Which is why no one has ever seen it. For this world has hidden it quite well, so that it is difficult to obtain. But, there will come a day when it is discovered by somebody, And only those who should obtain it will be able to find it. That is all.” Yuyuko Takemiya |
marrmm said: Kayleah said: I talk to quite a few but to be frank the older I get the less patience I have to text and what not, it's not that I don't want to talk to people but sometimes it is quite an effort, nothing on their end, mostly because of my own personality. same, most people it's not worth the trouble either. They'll say things to get you going and I just look at it and laugh that too, I don't know. It's sad I feel like people on the internet nowadays can be quite the miss or miss. I still have many online friends that I've met from years and years ago. But nowadays ? I find it really tough to make any kind of friendship online Idk really, I do wish I had 1 or 2 friends with more of my interests but oh well hahaha |
| “There is something in this world which no one has ever seen. It is soft and sweet. If it is spotted, I'm sure everyone will want to have it, Which is why no one has ever seen it. For this world has hidden it quite well, so that it is difficult to obtain. But, there will come a day when it is discovered by somebody, And only those who should obtain it will be able to find it. That is all.” Yuyuko Takemiya |
marrmm said: Kayleah said: that too, I don't know. It's sad I feel like people on the internet nowadays can be quite the miss or miss. I still have many online friends that I've met from years and years ago. But nowadays ? I find it really tough to make any kind of friendship online Idk really, I do wish I had 1 or 2 friends with more of my interests but oh well hahaha Yeah I feel you, sometimes when you just put yourself out there people will really look for flaws and things to tear you down. Be too nice, let them walk all over you and next thing you know you're getting harassed in large numbers. It sucks. I'm in a similar situation with some people I've been friends with for a few years. That does summ up most of the people I've "met" online over the past 5 years or so. As I did post on a previous thread there are people and people I guess one eventually ends up fidning the good apples among all those rotten ones haha. Nowadays I just surround myself with positive stuff and whatever social media I might use is just full of things I like, has helped a ton! |
| “There is something in this world which no one has ever seen. It is soft and sweet. If it is spotted, I'm sure everyone will want to have it, Which is why no one has ever seen it. For this world has hidden it quite well, so that it is difficult to obtain. But, there will come a day when it is discovered by somebody, And only those who should obtain it will be able to find it. That is all.” Yuyuko Takemiya |
Kayleah said: This sounds like a good ideaNowadays I just surround myself with positive stuff and whatever social media I might use is just full of things I like, has helped a ton! Can you give an example of the positive stuff? If you don't mind |
| I'm a female and I tend to keep up conversation per day with under 5 people. And yes in the last few months I talk a lot about myself due to my circumstances. On the other hand I love to listen to my opposite for his or her problems and try to help them out if possible. |
 |
Noboru said: Kayleah said: This sounds like a good ideaNowadays I just surround myself with positive stuff and whatever social media I might use is just full of things I like, has helped a ton! Can you give an example of the positive stuff? If you don't mind Hey, sure, I mostly follow things that bring me any kind of joy or happiness, my feed is mostly art related, food , a bit of gaming and a ton of anime. I also like to see animal related things and ofc I filter out any kind of toxicity in any of those interests. I feel like people can be quite toxic in everything nowadays but with a bit of effort one can mold their social media and overall user experience by tailoring your interests and letting the algorythm do the rest. Always follow what you enjoy doing and never take social media at face value, especially people who flaunt. It's usually a big red flag. |
| “There is something in this world which no one has ever seen. It is soft and sweet. If it is spotted, I'm sure everyone will want to have it, Which is why no one has ever seen it. For this world has hidden it quite well, so that it is difficult to obtain. But, there will come a day when it is discovered by somebody, And only those who should obtain it will be able to find it. That is all.” Yuyuko Takemiya |
| Most of them old chats used to be about politics or anime.Now however, I'm burnout and apparently outdated my expiration date Been a long time I didn't have an actual conversation |
| خ |
| @Noboru I do understand ur problem anyway & i assume that u should know the cons of that approach right? More connections means more potential problems & probably a lot of superficiality. & when u try to cut everyone off, ur bound to seek someone eventually. Its basically a pick ur poison situation. |
" Kindness can sometimes lead you to trouble. " |
| i text about 5 people each day and i dont mind having conversations with people online i think its pretty fun |
[font="\"Proxima Nova Regular\", \"Helvetica Neue\", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"]  [/font] |
Kayleah said: Thank you for your elaborate reply ^^Always follow what you enjoy doing and never take social media at face value, especially people who flaunt. It's usually a big red flag. And it sounds like a smart idea to be surrounded by the things you like SunshowerHina said: Yes, exactly. Conversations remain stale on a superficial level. Plus, with more people, it makes it harder to remember details. However, it's not like I have been any successful just focusing on 1-3 people, so might as well talk to those who even bother enough to do so with meI do understand ur problem anyway & i assume that u should know the cons of that approach right? More connections means more potential problems & probably a lot of superficiality. Also, I never leave people. People leave me Yangire said: If you can always reply right away, then you are not really busy, but are reserving your time for other activities. But I see that that person must be important to you and I'm happy for you to have found them ^^there are way too many people i text with regularly, especially after corona. only when i'm busy i tend to reply late (which is the case lately) but there is one person i always reply to as soon as i see a message :> Fatephile said: Have you tried finding other things to get more deeply interested in?Most of them old chats used to be about politics or anime.Now however, I'm burnout and apparently outdated my expiration date Been a long time I didn't have an actual conversation |
Noboru said: Fatephile said: Have you tried finding other things to get more deeply interested in?Most of them old chats used to be about politics or anime.Now however, I'm burnout and apparently outdated my expiration date Been a long time I didn't have an actual conversation Well I already found it, I got interested in geopolitics and internal stuff(It all started with how during the elections the talks about IRI collapsing became more serious) but since Iranians here aren't interested in politics I had to revert back to reddit and telegram communities. I also started playing games again And the whole Auth vs Lib/Dem vs Rep/Tradition vs Progress kinda bored me, I don't bother to actually argue anymore |
| خ |
| @Noboru I went on this approach 1st, never worked. People will leave eventually anyway. Went bitter & suppressing extrovertedness. Still doesnt work. Now go back to the same approach, Still doesnt work but i still kept ongoing. Sometimes, i really dunno whats the right thing to do. & how does it feel that people suddenly cutting you off??? I bet u sometimes blame urself that ur not a good friend enough for them or someone thats not worth it, or sometimes too bc out of their lives or something. Seriously, in that instance i gave up on self-blaming. Afterall they come & go anyway. |
" Kindness can sometimes lead you to trouble. " |
Fatephile said: I'm glad you found other stuffI also started playing games again Also, it seems easier to get to know people over playing games together ^^ It's all about having people come together in a relaxed mood enjoying time together Thank you for asking ^^ It initially made me feel like I could have done more for them or reacted better, but over long, I have realized that it was them with the communication and/or mental issues (in particular: anger management). Anyway, after a while, you'll get apathetic about it. There is no right way. If someone clearly doesn't give anything about you, then it's even better if they rq sooner than later |
| I'm in a whatsapp group with my friends from college, a total of 5 people, all men. I'm also in a discord group with 3 people (including me), all men. We mostly share some memes and talk about specific topics, but the exchange tends to be either short or superficial, and it's rare that everyone is talking at the same time (usually it's a exchange between 2 or 3 people, sometimes with a 4th or 5th person occasionally adding something). But these are the people that I talk to more frequently, nearly in a daily basis. I'm part of other groups, but they rarely get movement, definitely not daily or even weekly. On MAL, I exchange comments or PMs with some people, but normally they aren't long or frequent conversations either. I occasionally talk to a person or another directly, but I'm really bad at keeping conversations if they're too casual or if there isn't a topic that I know something about. I generally have an easier time talking to men because I find that they are more humorous or have more to say on the things I talk about, but there are exceptions in both sexes. |
| @Noboru Anger management??? ^^is that supposed to be a sign of how close u r on that person that somehow it lead to that or r they just that immature??? ngl, it only happened once to me that a dc happened bcoz of an argument or one of us getting angry. It was always ending up in ghosting. Atleast in argument, it gave me some type of closure or something if somehow u understand what i mean. While in ghosting, ur left with nothing, without explanation. Also, i wish i have been apathetic sooner. |
" Kindness can sometimes lead you to trouble. " |
SunshowerHina said: Good question. It could be either, it could be both or it could be none. There are people who don't grow up in a healthy environment and are thus much easier to enrage. Another aspect is when they have experienced some sort of trauma in the past and something in my words would make them relieve it, thus causing an overly strong panic reaction^^is that supposed to be a sign of how close u r on that person that somehow it lead to that or r they just that immature??? SunshowerHina said: Yes, because at least, you know after an argument why they dislike youngl, it only happened once to me that a dc happened bcoz of an argument or one of us getting angry. It was always ending up in ghosting. Atleast in argument, it gave me some type of closure or something if somehow u understand what i mean. While in ghosting, ur left with nothing, without explanation. Also, i wish i have been apathetic sooner. Being fully apathetic seldom works, though. Because in the end, no one works like a machine. Also, the real solution should be to not get emotionally invested in unstable people |
| I used to message 10+ people every day but then I felt forced to respond all the time and I felt guilty if I ignored people. It was as stressing to reply as my schoolwork was to do, it was a massive pain. I forget how it happened but over time I just started talking to less and less people, now I talk to 1-2 people everyday (online), and 1-5 people I know IRL. |
| I've been on discord recently so easily 10+ lol |
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