Clannad ~After Story~ Episode 18 Discussion

duumed said:
I might have shed a tear or two.

(Best episode so far imo)

Tasel said:
I am so glad we got that flashback with Tomoya's father, now we can conclusively say that Tomoya is indeed the worst father.

Please man, I beg you, just let Sanae and Akio raise Ushio.

Pixel_Vapour said:


You must be watching a different show. Tomoya realized his mistakes and apologized to Ushio. He will try to be a better father now

BetaMaleUltra said:
Not that this is a book or anything, but a quick foreword: Sanae-san is the goat of this story. She took care of Ushio-san when they all were in the depths of despair. And without even being on screen, brought Tomoya back to his daughter.

Hey guys, just finished Clannad After Story. Didn't think the ending quite hit the mark. But this... this episode certainly did. THIS is the true climax as far as I'm concerned. I apologize for the wall of text that will come forth, but I'm just gonna go out on a limb and assume that people are too concerned with looking for tissues at the moment to be bothered by a wall of text. I don't expect anyone to ever ready any of this anyway, but I just really needed to put my thoughts down somewhere. Thanks for understanding to you who is possibly reading this. Anyway, just wanted to come back here for a moment to share my own thoughts on what has been the most emotionally impactful piece of fiction I have personally ever seen. I didn't leave a reply in this discussion thread immediately after I finished this episode because I was just sitting there, stunned, cheeks wet from tears, unable to move for who knows how many minutes. I have NEVER, been this broken before. Forgive me if what I'm about to say seems like I'm blowing things out of the water, exaggerating, and making it seem as a bigger deal than it is. But these are my honest thoughts. This is how I actually felt.

I know no one wants to hear some random's life story, but let me give just a bit of background. I've never cried from any anime, or any other tv show or movie for that matter. When I say "cry" I mean truly break out into tears, you start choking up as you feel a lump in your throat, you somewhat begin to gasp for air one tear after the other starts rolling down your cheek. Like, cry cry. I HAVE teared up from anime before, but it was mostly due to the feeling of excitement. My eyes would get slightly watery, and MAYBE a tear would begin to form. Like I teared up during the freaking My Hero Academia movies. But that's not crying.

Anohana, Your Lie in April, A Silent Voice, Plastic Memories, any anime known to pull at the viewers heartstrings enough to make the waterworks flow, you name them, if I watched it, I felt some emotion, but not enough to bring me to tears. The most emotion I probably received from anime was Your Name (just because it was my first anime and re-watching it probably had the nostalgia factor built in), freaking MAID-SAMA (just because it ended and I severely needed more), and Angel Beats (which, come on, that ending should be able to break anyone with even somewhat of a soul), but.... I never actually CRIED from even any of those. Am I dead inside?

I was enjoying Clannad. I did like each of the stories it presented as it focused on each of its various characters and even showed some of their somewhat dark pasts. I started out not thinking too much about any of them as they started with their typical slice of life tones, but as each story came to a close, I realize I have subconsciously became invested in it all and found myself emotionally moved. Now we come to episode 9, where Tomoya graduates and the real story begins. It felt real. These struggles, these emotions, were real. I could feel whatever pain Tomoya was experiencing as he tried to do his best to find his place in society. His relationship with Nagisa grew on me quickly, as it was just so wholesome. This is coming from someone who actually thought Nagisa was a rather boring character at first, outshined by the best girl material that is Tomoyo and even (or rather, ESPECIALLY) Kyou. I didn't care about Nagisa especially when she was paired with what is imo a very well-written, well-rounded, well-realized character that is Tomoya. But in no time it became clear, she was wife material and I was subconsciously telling Tomoya in the back of my head to never ever let Nagisa go.

But I knew what was going to happen, I was bracing for that event, which I expected to happen towards the end. Even if I wasn't spoiled by this fact, I probably could've deduce what was going to happen. It was somewhat foreshadowed after all. I was getting ready for Nagisa's death- but was caught off guard by how soon it happened. You see, I knew Clannad AS was going to be a sob-fest, obviously. But I thought the event that would trigger the waterworks would occur near the end, and have all the sadness revolve around that. Nagisa's death would be the central thing that moves people to tears. But no, it's in episode 16, "White Darkness", where it occurs. It was masterfully done, but there were 6 episodes left. Was the climax of emotion already over, and we were simply only going to get Tomoya being depressed until the end?

Actually no.... we get a few scenes of Tomoya's time of grief and depression, but that only lasts for a few minutes of the next episode where its revealed that we have fast-forwarded five years into the future. So, that's it? No more emotional moments, everything is happy-go-lucky?

Fortunately Nagisa's death was the ONLY thing that I accidentally spoiled for myself about Clannad AS, the rest was mostly unknown territory. I finished episode 17, I liked it, it gave me a fair share of emotion, and started episode 18. Beforehand I looked at the discussion threads, and noticed this one had substantially more replies than any of the others- even more than ep. 16, which had Nagisa's death (which, definitely made my heart skipped a beat as Nagisa's arm fell to the floor, but I didn't CRY) I was excited, I actually had heard a little bit before that this episode moved people, what could possibly be in store?? I let my imagination run wild as to what would happen...

...but even my imagination couldn't prepare me for all this. Thanks to the under-appreciated and goated character that is Sanae-san, Tomoya heads out on a short trip with his daughter, Ushio. He certainly doesn't want to do anything of the sort at first, but after spending the whole day alone with Ushio with no Sanae or Akio in sight, he finally but reluctantly decides to make use of the train tickets and takes Ushio on the trip. On the way, everything seems to be going alright, until we see another kid on the train who is making quite a racket and eventually pushes Tomoya to his limits. He lets out his anger and shouts at the mother who is not controlling her son. They quickly quiet down after that, the mother apologizes, and Tomoya returns to relaxing on his seat when he notices that Ushio has quietly slipped away. Where'd she go? Turns out she simply went to the bathroom, as Tomoya finds her. But she didn't go to use the bathroom to use it; she went there to cry. Tomoya is puzzled as to why Ushio had to go to the bathroom to cry, and she responds saying that is what Sanae-san told her to do. Tomoya then deduces that that is actually a reasonable thing to do. Perhaps crying is an indecent thing to do in public, maybe no one wants to see it, and also more importantly you yourself probably wouldn't want to see your fragile self and your emotions. Ok then. They return to their seats. Huh, somewhat of a random moment, will it come into play later on or does it not really have any over-arching purpose....

...they get off the train, and eventually find themselves at this beautiful flower field. Tomoya lets Ushio play in the flowers for a bit, but she loses the toy robot that Tomoya bought for her. After searching for it to no avail, Tomoya says he'll simply buy another one for her when they head back. As to which she replies, no, she wants THAT one. Tomoya's probably thinking "what a pain" and goes back to sitting under a tree. Later, he looks around, and remembers something. He tells Ushio he's going for a quick walk... and he comes across the mother of his father. Call it convenience, lazy-writing, whatever. Truth is that his grandmother waited for him there the whole day, contacted by Sanae-san to wait until her grandson appears. She tells him of the story of his father, a story that he wasn't told before. It is up to you to decide if it's unrealistic to see how Tomoya was unaware of everything his father was doing for him, he was at a young age but surely old enough to have some understanding of his surroundings and what was going on. But for me that's no problem, because we get the touching story of how the father whom Tomoya thought for all this time was a low-life, was actually a caring father who sacrificed much for the son he loved, the son of him and his wife whom he lost at an early age as well. Tomoya's grandmother gently urges him to be the father that Ushio needs, as to where Tomoya realizes... he is even less of a man than his father. His father was there for him, even in the depths of his despair. But he, Tomoya, was never there for Ushio. This is where I start to break down, but the tears have not yet started rolling quite just yet. I imagine he is going to go back down to the flower field, redeem himself, and come to terms with his daughter Ushio for not being there for her for all these years. But I never knew it would be executed in such a way... that would absolutely break me.

Tomoya heads back down to the flower field with his grandmother as the sun is setting in the background, to see Ushio still looking for her lost toy robot. He goes up to her and tries to convince her again that it's okay and that he'll just buy another one for her. And the line that comes next, as Ushio tells Tomoya why she wants that specific lost toy robot, is the one got the first tear rolling:

"the first gift... from papa"

f*ck. I'm tearing up again just thinking about it. The five years that have gone by in where Tomoya wasn't there for his own daughter hits him (and us as the audience) like a freight train. He himself breaks down in tears. Now the next moment or so is somewhat of a blur, physically speaking as well as I was watching the screen through tears, but I don't exactly remember the next lines. But Tomoya vows to finally be the father to Ushio, and asks her if she'll accept him as her father. To this Ushio responds with a yes, and now realizing that her father has truly come back for her, tells Tomoya that she is still sad and asks him if it's okay to not hold it in anymore, she wants to know if it's okay to cry now. And the next following line, is what sent me over the edge. Ushio tells Tomoya that Sanae-san told her that only places she was allowed to cry was in the bathroom.....

"...and in papa's arms"

And yeah, they head back onto the train afterwards, where Tomoya finally tells Ushio about her mother Nagisa, he starts to break down in the middle of telling their story, and we continue to get punched in the gut. He tells Nagisa that the thing he's been looking for all along, was right here. The episode ends, and I just sit there stunned for a good five or so minutes. This to me, was the most emotionally impactful episode, in all of anime, or anything else for that matter.

hikkiyuki said:
I will never forget this episode my whole life. I still cry today (5 years later) after listening to the ost.