| I came out as asexual too fucking late in life. I considered myself bisexual for 30 years and then BAM! I learned what biromantic was and it all made sense. I feel ashamed for coming out to my partner after almost 8 years. I don't know if he hates me for it but nothing has changed between us. I don't want him to hate me. I love him. I'm unsure of how to talk to him about it. |
 |
| Partnership is about giving and taking, if he gives you his love and support then you should at least give him a hand once in a while to keep him happy and motivated. |
ZarutakuMar 9, 3:12 AM
This dance is the pinnacle of human achievement. |
| Depends what you mean. I think you would be better off not focusing on labels as an identity especially with you have mentioned having PTSD though so it wouldnt be unexpected if you had a sexual aversion in such a state with what you have been through, that and some meds you are on can be diminishing your libido, neither of which is same as being asexual and as such would need to be taken care of if that were the case in order for you to be more clear on your sexual interests and needs. Instead you should just convey your thoughts and feelings as is to not pigeon hole yourself with labels which is putting pressure on you from how poorly such things convey thoughts and feelings. What exactly are you actually feeling when you take away the labels? How would you describe that? That is what you should be communicating. Unless you were doing something you were too comfortable with you felt obliged to, nothing has really changed with your relationship which if that were the case you can reassure him. |
traedMar 9, 3:31 AM
| Will I be banned again if I talk about mental disabilities here? |
If you enjoyed the time you wasted, then its not a waste of time.  |
Reply to FZREMAKE
Will I be banned again if I talk about mental disabilities here?
| @FZREMAKE if you do it in a non-offensive manner then it's probably allowed. |
This dance is the pinnacle of human achievement. |
| You should definitely talk about it because I can imagine revealing that your partner hasn’t been sexually pleasing to you for the past 8 years is a pretty big bombshell to drop. |
 |
Reply to FZREMAKE
@Zarutaku Too bad everything is considered offensive these days.
| @FZREMAKE : Often it's not what you say but how you say it. You got to consider how your message comes across and be mindful of any potential implications your statement may have. A perfectly innocent comment can be read in a negative light if you fail to spot any implicit statements made. You can be honest, but you also need to be sympathetic and demonstrate in some explicit fashion. EDIT Wallanimx said: I came out as asexual too fucking late in life. I considered myself bisexual for 30 years and then BAM! I learned what biromantic was and it all made sense. I feel ashamed for coming out to my partner after almost 8 years. I don't know if he hates me for it but nothing has changed between us. I don't want him to hate me. I love him. I'm unsure of how to talk to him about it. Never easy to deal with these things. But for me, if I am unsure about how to proceed, I just go with honesty. Be transparent, frank but also provide a rationale behind your behaviour. Truths, even difficult ones, are easier to absorb if the person understands the reasonings behind the actions. Granted, there is a possibility things may go south but if that is the case then that just shows there was a fundamental incompatibility between you two. Sooner or later people with differing fundamental values will breakup so it is better to find out sooner rather than later. On the other hand, if the response is positive then this will be an opportunity for your relationship to strengthen. |
monsta666Mar 9, 3:59 AM
Reply to Wallanimx
@FZREMAKE If you want, you can DM your response. I won't take offense to anything.
| @Wallanimx Oh dont worry about it. I am still processing the stuff you have written and trying to make sense of it. |
If you enjoyed the time you wasted, then its not a waste of time. |
| Ive got to work on my habit of editing my posts way after i post them |
| I mean, being asexual does not mean you cannot have sex with your partner, and it is not equivalent to aromatic. I don't really understand how this changes things between you and your partner. A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. From what you have written, it seems you have been using the wrong term to describe yourself, and it stops there. |
 |
| Wait...you reproduce asexually? So there are going to be more of you at a moment's notice?! :P If by asexual you mean not interested in sexual intercourse whatsoever...then how do you have a partner who is presumably having sex with you? I don't think you're nearly as asexual as you claim if you have been having sex all this time. Plus you were apparently attracted to both sexes for decades. It sounds like you are indeed a sexual being...perhaps with a diminished libido, which is natural as you get older. |
 |
| Asexuality is probably a better coping mechanism than hypersexuality tbh so dont hate yourself for it. |
  ♡ Harder Daddy ♡ |
| How does a person turn from being bisexual to asexual this late into their life? I don't get it. Are you sure you didn't get influenced by some people? Also I don't understand how a person would want a romantic relationship but without sex. Normally, human bodies are designed in such a way where romantic feelings will make you aroused and wanting to procreate. Also, if you're with your partner for 8 years and you come out as asexual after such a long time, you should keep in mind that your partner will still have sexual needs, even if he says he's fine not having sex with you. In this situation, if you want to remain with him, you should still satisfy his sexual urges, even if you're asexual. And if you really don't want to do it, you should let him do it with other women. And you can't blame him for wanting to have sex with other women if you're not providing. |
BigBoyAdvanceMar 9, 12:48 PM
| Getting advice from random strangers on the internet about a relationship that we don't have sufficient context on isn't a great idea. On that note I will now proceed to give advice on a relationship I don't have sufficient context on. Honestly though there isn't much to give, considering that fact that you said nothing has changed between you two. As long as your feelings for him both romantically and sexually hasn't change there is nothing to worry about. Also I could be wrong but you might be using those labels wrong. Either way I wouldn't put too focus on arbitrary sexual labels, after all you are still you, whether you identify as asexual or biromantic or whatever. |
| When a pancake lover does something: "Outrageous vicious crime" When a waffle lover does something: "That means it is not illegal" Quotes - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld_HIM667Do&t=2822s |
| My advice is: just be yourself. Don't pay attention to labels calling different types of sexuality in a certain way. Just be yourself and don't feel down, just because you have recently discovered that you are asexual. It's nothing to be ashamed of. As for your relationship... I can't help here, I'm afraid. I'm not sure if any other stranger on forum will be capable of giving a solid advice. You know your partner better than us, who don't know your partner at all. Talking sincerely to your partner should be the best way, but be prepared that his reaction can be positive, or neutral, but also it can be negative. I'm not saying that you will break up with each other, of course. I just mentioned it as one of possible scenarios that might happen after your partner hears your confession. It's always good to be prepared as much for the best, as for the worst outcome. Good luck. I hope everything will sort out well. |
| Thread locked. Casual Discussion Rules 5: General questions/personal concerns should be posted in our General Advice Thread. |
More topics from this board
» I think we live in a super-deterministic universe.purple_rayn - Jun 10 |
43 |
by k4rlo
»»
1 minute ago |
|
» Overly Specific & Stupid Food Rules/Etiquettevasipi4946 - Yesterday |
4 |
by JaniSIr
»»
31 minutes ago |
|
» Do you use Disqus?SupremeGod - May 22, 2016 |
20 |
by Zarutaku
»»
1 hour ago |
|
» How old were you when your birthday stopped being special to you?Jomfrey - 11 hours ago |
20 |
by rooya
»»
1 hour ago |
|
» What is a food you hate that everyone likes? ( 1 2 )ThisAaugh - Aug 30, 2023 |
93 |
by Vezioh
»»
2 hours ago |