Legends speak of a Dark Tower with a race of dragons that awaits the command to arise and wreak havoc. At least Kyle used to believe they were only legends until his lady, Alita, is stolen by the Black Dragon!
Now Kyle must form an alliance with Blau, a blue dragon, in order to rescue her before she becomes the catalyst for the Dark Tower's final program: the complete destruction of the world!
What it must have been like to be in the Production IG offices that fateful day in 1996, when Panzer Dragoon was greenlit. The incredible high must have been euphoric...
WAIT WAIT WAIT, stop the presses. Ladies and Gentlemen, I kid you not, this odious dumpster juice smoothie of an anime was made by a company you might have heard of... I don't know... PRODUCTION IG?
Yeah, that's right, the same ones responsible for, you know, the insignificant Ghost in the Shell series or maybe the slightly obscure Attack on Titan? I can't believe my eyes.
There is no story anywhere nearby to be rated. -∞/10
I do have to give them a score of "decent" (and that's generous) for the art. It looks 90s, and it's every bit as abhorrent as a no budget drivel anime should be.
The sound in this turd is the utter definition of phoned in. I think they literally called the first 5 english speakers the animation studio could think up off the top of their head and had them do their lines on the spot. You can hear crap in the background and the "voice actors" scratching their heads at how preposterously moronic the script was. If it wasn't directly pulled from a fantasy themed mad-libs book, I'll be shocked. -10^∞/10
If I had to rate this on a scale of "I'd rather tear out my brainstem, carry it to the middle of the nearest 4 way intersection and skip rope with it" to "Mars of Destruction", I think I'd choose having a pound of boiling hot meth injected into each of my eyeballs, being run over by a dump truck, chopped up into pieces, fed to myself, then have my head put in a vise, and be shot into space and suffer explosive decompression than have to experience this again.
I don't know if this was a cheap cash grab or what, but it's definitely part of the reason SEGA keeps digging Sonic of out of his shallow grave to parade his corpse around for some more money.
This one didn't get the Sega Seal of Quality. (Look that one up, kids.)
"Kyle, for this tale to be told, one of us must survive"
Well, unfortunately, I am the only one that survived. What's worse than a piece of crap? One whole shit, which is what this is. 1/10.
This is pretty much the worst thing ever made. Imagine watching a cut of the Lord of the Rings trilogy that condenses it into a half hour. Except it's not LotR, it's the Hobbit movies. That's what Panzer Dragoon is like, except worse somehow.
Everything about this show is rushed. The plot is rushed, the dialogue is rushed, even the visuals look rushed. And I don't mean the visuals look rushed as in they had no time or money to get them done, they look sped up. I don't know who gives a shit this is terrible.
Okay, this is the review for Panzer Dragoon, an OVA adapded from a videogame with the same name. Now, I haven't played the game, but I wanted to see this anyway, just because of its absurdly low score. And the only reason i rated 4 this anime on my list is because i want lots of other people who seek bad anime to see this masterpiece.
First of all, don't try searching it subbed, it doesn't exist. Probably the only version is the English Dubbed one on youtube, but it's worth it.
The Plot is exactly the same as what it's written on the synopsis, and, yes, it's bad. It's Absolutely bad. But it's so bad that you will laugh the whole time. It's full of awful battles, clichès, plot holes, stupid characters and everything else.
You can see this OVA in two ways:
-Considering it an anime like another, and judging it as the giant piece of crap that it is.
-Knowing that it's gonna be awful, and laughing at every single minute of this. There aren't many animes that will make you laugh like this.
GO WATCH IT. NOW. read more
Panzer Dragoon is four video game series developed by Team Andromeda and released by Sega. While the latter three installments were very good games in their own right, it was their aesthetics that made them transcendent. The visual and sound design did more than the plot and dialogue to paint a world littered with the remnants of a fallen civilization (similar to El Hazard: The Magnificent World), giving everything a poignant, almost-gloomy atmosphere.
Don't expect any of that here.
This OVA is a cheap rush job of a tie-in to the (mediocre) first game, a trite, directionless adaptation of something that really didn't have much of a plot to begin with. It becomes clear very quickly that they are only paying the slightest lip service to the empire and their huge role in the series, with their scenes serving only as useless padding that could be cut altogether. The story they actually care about is just yet another "young guy's love interest is kidnapped and a magical creature helps him rescue her... and also save the world or something".
Events happen with little development and everything about it seems designed to hit every infuriating fantasy cliche possible. The characters (all eight of them, only half of which really matter) are all transplants from a million other heroic fantasy stories. They think and speak only in the bluntest exposition, little of which adds up to any cohesive explanation of the world or the motivations of anybody but the simplistic hero. Not a minute goes by without something infuriatingly stupid happening, with plot points that go nowhere and sudden, unexplained powers cropping up out of nowhere. It's really clear this is a completely-missing-the-point adaptation of something with considerably more depth than they cared to put into this production.
Attention must be given to the groan-worthy translation. This was only released dubbed and the original Japanese version (subtitled or otherwise) doesn't seem to exist on the internet. The script is at best unbearably corny, at worst tone-deaf and unintentionally creepy in the way the hero keeps referring to his kidnapped love interest as "his lady" as if she were a stolen trinket. Nothing anybody says sounds like anything a real human being would say.
The actors deliver their lines in the classic bad dub style of hammy indifference, everybody sounding like they're thinking about their grocery shopping instead of conveying any convincing emotion. No attempt is made to line up the speech with the lip flaps and there are many moments where I'm convinced they gave characters lines that weren't in the original.
The animation is a discordant mix of traditional 2D cells and CGI. It's pretty clear they took the 3D models straight from the game and did zilch to give them any real weight or presence, with awful integration of the two styles. The human character designs are stock mid-90s anime fantasy designs with nothing to really distinguish them and their body language doesn't really match their supposed emotions. The dragons are taken directly from the game, so they at least look passable while sitting still, but move in a weightless, inconsistent manner. The fights are laughably bad in their cinematography and pacing while also lacking any real impact.
The sound isn't as bad as the animation, but it's still subpar. The dialogue is often murky and drowned out by the ambiance, but generally doesn't sound like it really exists within the world. The sound effects sound like they come from one of those CD compilations and fail to give any weight to the actions they accompany, made worse by the couple-frame delay of many of them. The music of the video game series didn't really find its unique voice until the second game, so this has the cheesy synth-orchestra score from the first game. It doesn't even base it on any of the actual good tracks (the main theme or either version of "Flight"), instead sounding like generic fantasy mush.
I'm not even sure I'd recommend this as so bad, it's good. It's mostly just sad and pathetic, really. It's certainly a study in how not to produce a fantasy story, but only in ways that are self-evident to a well-read twelve year old. It's twenty six minutes of your life you won't be getting back and considering how obscure it is, you won't even get the benefit of at least being able to talk about it with others. Just don't bother.read more
Fans around the world love anime for tons of different reasons. One in particular is that it allows them to experience things that exceed their own reality. If characters can fly, so can we... right? Get ready to take to the skies and expose 15 shows that will make your imagination soar!