June 30, 4:36 pm
X Hospital
Emergency Department
It was Tuesday afternoon. The sun was bright and glowing, and the sky was devoid of dark clouds. There was a cool, summer breeze, but still, the temperature remained at a sweltering 90°F. And, it seemed that this weather would persist for the rest of the week.
The young doctor, whom was viewing the weather outside, returned to his duties. He was about to proceed to his next patient, when a nurse interrupted him.
“Doctor! I had just received a call from the paramedics. They said they’re transporting a patient with ‘that syndrome’!”
The doctor stared at her and said, “You mean ‘that syndrome’! My god! Assemble the team, and prepare for the operation.”
“Yes, doctor!” replied the nurse.
Minutes later, the paramedics arrived. Wheeling the patient in, they burst through the double doors and slid him onto the hospital bed.
The doctor and his team, consisting of nurses and technicians, were ready. The team had their equipment and scrubs on, and were waiting for the doctor’s orders.
The doctor, suddenly, asked, “Okay, before we proceed. Is this anyone’s first operation?"
Several hands rose.
“Okay, this is going to be brief. What you are going to encounter is called, ‘Satou Syndrome’, named after Yoshiteru Satou. The bastard that created Mars of Destruction and Skelter Heaven.”
A nurse interrupted, “Mars of Destruction? You mean that lethal anime that can melt people’s brains! Are you saying that Skelter Heaven does the same thing?
“No, it doesn’t melt people’s brains, instead it causes anaphylactic shock. Only people that have viewed Skelter Heaven develop ‘Satou Syndrome’, while those that viewed Mars of Destruction never live to develop it. But, enough talking. Let’s begin the operation.
The doctor and his team entered into the patient’s room. The doctor noticed that the patient had hived skin, blurred vision, low blood pressure, and shortness of breath. He was suffering from respiratory problems, and a severe lack of electrolytes.
The doctor thought, “The poor guy. His body must have suffered a severe allergic reaction to Skelter Heaven, just like everyone else.
"His eyes were becoming blurry because of the appalling CGI mechs and aliens, the bland character design and uniform, the lack of details, and the cheap background images.
“His shortness of breath was caused by the story's random scene placements, such as a random flashback detailing their school life, a random confession of love with no development, a random unexplained plot twist, and a random alien invasion from nowhere.
"The characters were devoid of any personality traits, and seemed to have the intelligences level of a pebble, which caused his low blood pressure. And finally, the sound was terrible with shoddy voice acting, and out-of-place background sound, causing his skin to hive.”
“We need to work fast!” said the doctor, “First, intubation and bagging, then inject the Epinephrine. Then, set up an IV with normal saline. And, finally, monitor all vital signs.”
The team quickly opened up the airway with a laryngoscopy and then placed a endotracheal tube into his trachea. A bag value mask was attached to the tube, and a nurse began to bag the patient. The patient began to breath normally. Another nurse stuck the Epinephrine auto-injector into his thigh, and immediately, the patient’s skin and blood pressure returned to normal levels. The IV was inserted into his vein above the elbow. Receiving enough IV fluid, the patient’s eyes began to clear up. The patient had survived!
Several hours later, the patient thanked the doctor and said, “I will never watch any of Yoshiteru Satou’s works again!"
The doctor answered, “Good! Never watch shit anime because it will kill you. Watch something else.”
The doctor turned around and was about to exit the door, when a nurse interrupted him.
“Doctor! There’s…”
“Goddamn it! There’s always another one!” yelled the doctor.
The End
