Life is easier when you explain to your kids the reasons, not simply instruct them.
For instance, I told my son, look at your uncle Tim and aunt Karen. They both have good educations and picked logical college courses and now they have good jobs, but in both cases they started at the bottom of the ladder regardless of how smart they are.
I made it clear to him, your choice is stay in school get a good education or get used to bitching about your crummy job. Because crummy work is what awaits a person with a crummy education.
Or he could go my route, think up a decent business and be the owner. Then you HIRE smart well educated people and THEY do the work. Because running a business is all about being clever, being sociable, and just being willing to have an ambition. Which I think is where a lot of people fail and end up being someone's wage slave.
I have praised the son, but, I have mostly told him, he can be anything, but he needs to always remember, saying 'I can't' is a self fulfilling prophecy. You sure won't if you are sure you can't.
He doesn't get an allowance, he gets a share. I have gotten a lot of mileage out of making my son feel like an equal in the home. Yeah sure he wouldn't be here if I hadn't made him. But you get a lot further with people treating them like equals.
Rules, the moment there are parent rules and rules for your kids you lose the fight as a parent.
I have earned my son's respect, I was never forced to make him give it to me.
People that run their lives based on fear, are in for a surprise eventually. When they learn to not fear you, they discard you. I am not worried about my son discarding me. My son is as much my son as he is my friend.
There's nothing wrong with being your kid's friend.
But it is not easy for kids to realize, that while wisdom might be over rated, experience isn't. Learn to listen to your parents. They are likely saying all sorts of things even when not talking. We were all kids once, we've already done everything you will be doing. And you can learn from our screw ups just as much as your own.
I like anime, I likely like it more than my son does.
Anime, it's just something to like or not like.
Don't give a damn if your parents like anime, or don't like it. Odds are you won't like some of your parents interests. You might like some of your parents interests too.
Be yourself in the process. You are not required to be a clone of your parents, you will just look similar :)
My mom is 80 now, and whenever I visit, I am immediately just her kid again.
I swear like a trooper, accept in front of mom. I've told my son (who also swears too much) zip it at granny's, because if you swear in front of her, I am not saving your ass.
I still get cash support from mom periodically. Parents never stop being parents if they are any good at being parents at all.
My son will never sop being my responsibility too. There will never come a day when I don't want to give him a hand with things. I will always be 30 years of experience ahead of him, just like my mom will always have 30 years of experiences ahead of mine eh.
You can leave home and live somewhere else, but, if your parents are any good, and you behaved yourself enough, you should never need to knock on the door to enter where you grew up.
I am neither Authoritarian or Liberal and I am not neutral.
I am unique if my observations are correct. I don't see many parents like me at any rate.
And my son appears to be easier to deal with than most too.
I think I have won at parenting.
He's 18, an adult now, not a dependent, and I like him.
This kind of parenting is sooo unique! Dang, you are a good role model in that field!
Authoritarian:
Playing an instrument since childhood that your parent(s) told you to
Your parent(s) tell you to study an extreme amount
You don't go out on weekends
Sounds about right.
When we came to Canada though they kind of stopped caring. Maybe it was all this talk about freedom in Canada that got them contagious.
...They still want to me to get into medical school though.
Change Canada to United States and that's pretty much me
Liberal:
Your childhood was relatively free
you play a sport you like
whats studying (when your parent tells you to)
weekends are not for studying but rather, free time
less focus on punishments
Dam! if thats liberal parenting my parents and my friend's parents must have been off the spectrum.
even when i was still in high school they were fine with me drinking and even smoking weed.
it was weird one time i tried to hide a trash bag full of beer cans by putting them under other bags of trash but when my dad took it to the curb he somehow found out anyway. and all he said was dont but the cans in the trash i could get a fine for not recycling.
and one time in college while home for the summer my parents caught me germinating some marijuana seeds before i planted them outside and somehow they had absolutely no problem with it
My parents are super liberal. I love them so much. I do wish that they had been a bit stricter with some of the things I got away with as a little kid, but I wouldn't change my parents - well I wouldn't change my mom; dad is a different story - for anything in the world.
The hardest thing I've ever done was move so far away from my mom. I have to make sure to skype her at least once a week and keep updated. She's one of my best friends and I can trust her with (ALMOST OH SO CLOSE) anything. I could seriously praise my mom all day.
She really makes me think of Lesley. Dude, you are one of the best parents I've ever heard of. I always make sure to take note of your parenting advice when I see it.
If there was one thing I wish I could change, though, is I wish my dad had been there for me more. He's not a very personal guy; for being half of him, I barely know anything about him. But we can't always come out on top.
tachii said: ...They still want to me to get into medical school though.
welcome to hell, where you compete with masters and doctorates for that 80 percentile on the MCAT
if you're not proficient in english you're going to get nailed on the essay and ethical case scenarios
katsucats said: Why would you not be proficient in English?
majority of lifescience students are foreigner who are pursuing med school and CA doesn't have a standardized english proficiency test (unless you consider the CELPIP lol) so they get demolished on the MCAT
eventually students either dropout, take it again, pursue a phd/masters which inevitably leads to a 6/6/6 simply because they aren't proficient in english
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I think they're neither. Or maybe a healthy mix of the two.
We weren't forced to play instruments or play sports, but support us whenever we express interest on something. I remember telling them that I want to be an astronomer, and they bought me all sorts of astronomy books.
We had a reward system at home. If my brother and I got high grades in school, they'd treat us to something. Same with the house chores. They appreciate it if we help with the dishes.
Possibly the only limit they impose is bed time. We sleep at 9pm on weekdays, no exceptions. That's when we were still in grade school.
After writing this, I realize they're great actually. Always supporting us, trusting us to make the right decisions in life.
biitchstick said: My mom lets me do pretty much whatever I want and everything is fine. It's my dad who's strict and an asshole about every little thing all the way to the music I listen to. Thank God they're separated and I only have to see him once every two weeks.
I would be too if my daughter listened to My Chemical Romance.
Actually he'd be pretty happy if all i listened to was My chemical romance.
lol @ img bbcode not working, mal is such a great site
I really had no rules or restrictions. My mom really never cared what I did. I can go wherever, skip school whenever, have as many friends as I want over. She is forunate that I never took advantage of this. Honestly, It kind of sucks to not have an actual 'parent'. in the long run.
I never had requirements and hardly any expectations growing up.. my rules were basically "don't break the laws" and "don't get yourself killed". That's about it.
My grandparents on my moms side on the other hand.. are like the complete opposites. If I ever go to their house they set me up with a bunch of chores, even when I'm not at their house they signed me up for random stuff like basketball and kayaking, they expected me to get a highschool diploma and go to college, whereas my parents didn't care if I did or didn't.
grandparents also disliked my choice of clothings and tried to make me wear more formal stuff. They also like to drag me along to church every sunday.. and try to get me to join any church events... and it just goes on and on..
sexual incest in nisomonogatari - no one bats an eye
romance incest in SAO - everyone loses their minds
In some respects they are actually very liberal, but in most cases they are very authoritarian. For example, I am completely limited in my social endeavors...
The fact that they are exceedingly close minded or religious does not help either.
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Well my parents are very liberal, but in one aspect, they were so far liberal as to be almost authoritarian I guess?
What I mean is, that they're both doctors and I wanted to do astrophysics. They both said to me one day that they thought I was too creative for astrophysics and that I might find it boring. As such, I took multimedia at school and I'm now at film school and doing motion graphic design.