| For the sake of exposition I'd like to say that I am a collector bad jokes. Not those extremely distasteful dirty jokes or racist jokes (not that they aren't funny) but those joke that are so bad that it's funny. So I was thinking I'd start a topic on the collection of clever and bad jokes. So no matter how bad it is i won't judge you or anything so go ahead, let it rip (or tear as it were). I'll start: How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of Caesars. |
| "The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed by small children and large nations." -David Friedman "Ninety percent of everything is crap." -Theodore Sturgeon |
| Look up lame pun coon, if you don't already know that meme. Plenty of gold to be found. |
LoneWolf said: @Josh makes me sad to call myself Canadian. |
| That joke doesn't work very well if you know how to pronounce Caesar. |
 |
Scud said: That joke doesn't work very well if you know how to pronounce Caesar. I cut his balls off with a pair of kaisers you're right this makes no sense |
| ~"The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands." (Pirsig) |
| What's brown and sticky? A stick. haaaaaaa Don't worry I'm here all week... |
----------------------------- |
Regicide said: Scud said: That joke doesn't work very well if you know how to pronounce Caesar. I cut his balls off with a pair of kaisers you're right this makes no sense For some reason i think of pointy hat when i hear kaisers, even though i know its like the german name for emperor. So yea... "I cut his ballas off with a pair of pointy hats You're right this makes no sense" makes more sense. |
| What 0 say to 8? Nice belt. haaa |
| yeah i saw how i misspelled balls whatever... its kinda funny. |
| Anti-jokes fit what you're looking for (though are slightly offensive). What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust An Irishman walks out the bar. Why did Suzie fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Suzie |
 |
PirateKingz said: Anti-jokes fit what you're looking for (though slightly offensive). What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust An Irishman walks out the bar. Why did Suzie fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Suzie Oh i have one thats like messed up, i mean like fucked up not even ... i herd in a meeting. Whats the difference between a pizza, and a jew? you know what i wont answer this. Its messed up. |
| Why was 6 afraid of 7? It wasn't because numbers are not sentient and are therefore not capable of feeling fear. |
claydolSep 2, 2012 8:23 PM
| When I was born I was given a choice; big dick or good memory I can't remember what I chose |
 |
BloodyRage said: Regicide said: Scud said: That joke doesn't work very well if you know how to pronounce Caesar. I cut his balls off with a pair of kaisers you're right this makes no sense For some reason i think of pointy hat when i hear kaisers, even though i know its like the german name for emperor. So yea... "I cut his ballas off with a pair of pointy hats You're right this makes no sense" makes more sense. i thought kaiser was a better phoentic spelling of caesar so i put it down so the internet says you pronounce it kay-zar thats pretty much the same as kaiser |
| ~"The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands." (Pirsig) |
Regicide said: BloodyRage said: Regicide said: Scud said: That joke doesn't work very well if you know how to pronounce Caesar. I cut his balls off with a pair of kaisers you're right this makes no sense For some reason i think of pointy hat when i hear kaisers, even though i know its like the german name for emperor. So yea... "I cut his ballas off with a pair of pointy hats You're right this makes no sense" makes more sense. i thought kaiser was a better phoentic spelling of caesar so i put it down so the internet says you pronounce it kay-zar thats pretty much the same as kaiser interesting... |
| Hey did you know, that your intestines if you take them out and just lay them all out in a straight line |
Immahnoob said: Jizzy, I know you have no idea how to argue for shit, tokiyashiro said: Jizzy as you would call yourself because youre a dick The most butthurt award goes to you And clearly you havent watched that many shows thats why you cant determine if a show is unique or not Or maybe you're just a child who likes common stuffs where hero saves the day and guys gets all the girls. Sad taste you have there kid you came up to me in the first place making you look more like a kid who got slapped without me even knowing it and start crying about it to me |
| I want to tell a chemistry joke... but I'm not sure if there will be a good reaction. |
mleh said: I want to tell a chemistry joke... but I'm not sure if there will be a good reaction. haaa! |
I looked it up and wow that is fucked up. It wasn't even funny, just extremely racist. I found some more anti-jokes: Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus. How do you make a clown cry? Murder his entire family. What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers. |
|
| what is the wealthiest kind of air ? A billionaire or trillion or whateve |
 |
uzu-dragons said: Not gonna lie, I laughed.What 0 say to 8? Nice belt. haaa |
 "It's just...a bad dream! Wake up, wake up...!" |
mleh said: I want to tell a chemistry joke... but I'm not sure if there will be a good reaction. Haha, cute. Here lemme do it for you: What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium. |
| Why did the baby cross the road? Man I used to laugh at this since it was awfully bad hilarious. It's also the only joke I still remember. Though I kind of forgot why it was funny for a moment there. Oh and those science jokes are amusing, to say the least. I think I prefer physic jokes more than chemistry. Partially because I think it's dry as hell and the punch line is even more heightened with that thought. |
| So a guy walks into a bar. Guess what? Chicken butt. k im done. |
| This is by far one of the best - A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Haha! I'm the hippie!" The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Haha! I'm the bus driver!" |
 |
| LOL. That was genius. But it's kind of weird the disguised dude's wang was, ya know, not even mentioned. |
Tachii said: Oh and those science jokes are amusing, to say the least. I think I prefer physic jokes more than chemistry. Partially because I think it's dry as hell and the punch line is even more heightened with that thought. I'm trying to Zinc of another chemistry joke but the good ones Argon. But I agree, chemistry jokes can get pretty Boron... they're only good for a laugh Periodically. Physics jokes have potential. |
What do you call a joke that's based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium? CoRnY. :-D |
| A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time. The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean.He drowned and never returned. The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean. He too, never returned. The chemist waited for a long time and wrote the observation, "physicists and biologists are soluble in ocean water". |
| There are two british cows standing in a field. The one asks the other: 'My dear, aren't you worried that you might get mad cow disease?'. 'Well' says the other cow, 'not realy. Why should it worry me? I'm a squirel!'. AAHAHAHAHHAHA |
| I really wish there were likes on here. |
| "The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed by small children and large nations." -David Friedman "Ninety percent of everything is crap." -Theodore Sturgeon |
| Don't care for seafood? We also serve ground beef. |
 |
| "Venison is dear, isn't it?" |
| Losing an Argument online? Simply post a webpage full of links, and refuse to continue until your opponents have read every last one of them! WORKS EVERY TIME! "I was debating with someone who believed in climate change, when he linked me to a graph showing evidence to that effect. So I sent him a 10k word essay on the origins of Conservatism, and escaped with my dignity intact." "THANK YOU VERBOSE WEBPAGES OF QUESTIONABLE RELEVANCE!" |
| I want try but 'mI afraid it's a lame joke -w-; |
 |
| Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar... and doesn't. |
| How many guitar players do you need to change a lamp? 20. One to change it and 19 to say the older guitarrists used to change it better and faster. How many metal guitar players do you need to change a lamp? One, but it must be in E. What did the chemist say when he found two new isotopes of Helium? HeHe. Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex? Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum; when they have the momentum, they can't find the position. |
 |
| An english cat called "one two three" and a frnech cat called "un deux trois" had a race across a lake. Who won? "One two three" did, as "Un deux Trois" quatre cinq. --- A blond walks into a hardware store and asks the salesman "Can I have that TV please?" to which he replies "sorry, we don't serve blondes". She is upset, but really wants the TV, so she puts on a brunette wig and goes back and asks for the TV again. "Sorry, we don't serve blondes" he replies once again. Upset again, she swallows her pride and puts on a ginger wig and goes into the store once more and requests the TV. Once again he says "sorry, we don't serve blondes". "How do you know I'm blonde?" she asked? "Your pointing at a microwave". ------ Two cats were on a roof, one fell off the other didn't, why is this? If you don't get that one, then it's a maths jokes, where mu is the coefficient of friction. ----- A wife phones her husband ho is travelling home in his car and says "You should be careful, I've heard there's a lunatic driving the wrong way down the motorway". "What?" the husband replies, "The whole MOTORWAY is driving the wrong way!" ---- These ones should be familiar to many: Jokes are like skirts, the shorter the better! A boy asks his father "isn't it a policeman's job to chase bad people?", "SHUT UP AND RUN" replies the father. "Is america a long way?" A daughter asks her mother, "SHUT UP AND SWIM!" she replies. |
| Did you see that guy beat up that bear with his bare hands? |
|
| What's pink and fluffy!? |
| ----------------------------- |
InfiniteRyvius said: Two cats were on a roof, one fell off the other didn't, why is this? If you don't get that one, then it's a maths jokes, where mu is the coefficient of friction. First, it's a physics joke, not a maths joke. Second, it's a confusing joke since μ could be so many freaking things. |
|
| What's red and dances all around? - A baby on a barbecue |
| Just saw this on youtube:D What did the fish say when it ran into a brick wall? Dam XD |
RoCSC-006C1BST said: InfiniteRyvius said: Two cats were on a roof, one fell off the other didn't, why is this? If you don't get that one, then it's a maths jokes, where mu is the coefficient of friction. First, it's a physics joke, not a maths joke. Second, it's a confusing joke since μ could be so many freaking things. I classify it as maths because it was in my mechanics module. Anyway, I'd hardly complain about μ being used for so many things, it's a poor joke regardless. |
InfiniteRyvius said: I fail to see the connection to put mechanics into maths. I studied vectors forces of gravity in maths lectures, I wouldn't classify it as maths though. Anyway googled for the joke and I found they used mew and meow instead. The problem with the joke for me is that I don't read μ(myu, or mee if you want to be the original pronunciation) as meow.I classify it as maths because it was in my mechanics module. Anyway, I'd hardly complain about μ being used for so many things, it's a poor joke regardless. |
RoCSC-006C1BSTSep 3, 2012 9:54 AM
|
| A neon atom walks into a bar, the bartender says "we don't sell neon atoms here". The neon atom didn't react. |
 |
| I am sick of all these 9/11 Jokes and the petty little puns, poking fun at this hideous event. Some people are just boeing plane ignorant and blowing the situation up. |
| Maybe I didn't see it, but I can't believe nobody remembered classic tv shows joke... Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine. xD |
 |
| Calling your Pikachu "gesundheit" From Akihiko in Persona 3 Why don't we meet up at the beef bowl. Then we can "meet" up together. |
 Steam: Zeemanhuismerk |
More topics from this board
» First Thing That Comes To Mind v21 ( 1 2 3 4 5 ... Last Page )Kunii - Mar 27 |
7402 |
by Rizz_Khalifa
»»
6 seconds ago |
|
» What is the user above you doing right now?Jade_Retrograde - Jun 29, 2023 |
22 |
by OniMage
»»
18 seconds ago |
|
» lowercase chat thread v.21 ghouls and goblins edition ( 1 2 3 4 5 ... Last Page )KayKimii - Oct 13, 2023 |
5617 |
by Oofmastre9000
»»
41 seconds ago |
|
» What's your reason to live? ( 1 2 3 4 5 )Beef_Whistle - Nov 4, 2009 |
241 |
by Dostojevskij
»»
3 minutes ago |
|
» Say something to the user above you using your voice ( 1 2 3 4 5 ... Last Page )Habibi97 - Aug 28, 2015 |
7507 |
by perfectlyquiet
»»
4 minutes ago |