Why is it so hard to make genuine connection and friendships these days?

If your face-to-face connections from the past were so genuine, why did they cease to exist?

And what makes you think if you'll get any these days, they last longer or last at all?

I think in general people are a lot more judgmental, and selfish and controlling these days. I don't even feel lime I even try to talk to people anymore not even online now since it doesn't feel safe. I find it much easier to get close to someone online, only problem is they tend to be so far away we never meet or if we do it's rare.

@traed People who go online, especially who use social media tends to be judgmental, selfish and controlling. People who are hurt, hurt others. People who usually don't use social media tend to be more mentally healthy people.

@FriendlyPaw
Literally everyone goes online unless you live in an undeveloped country.

@traed Yeah, I know and there are good things online. It's just that if you want genuine authentic connections, then online is not the best place to get it. In my opinion, Social Media tends to be a place for lonely people who are seeking connection, even if it is superficial. I think the best way to find genuine connections is to go to a peer support center. Community Service is good too.

@FriendlyPaw
I don't think you understand what genuine or superficial is if you think that. Different kinds of people connect in different places.

high supply of humans due to world overpopulation means lower demand for genuine friendships
its the same with jobs because of oversupply of applicants then youre easily replaceable from your employers view

or high demand of genuine friendship means lower available friends for you to choose from

so pick your poison and if you still want more genuine friendship then the number of friends you can get are less

basically quality vs quantity or even law of supply and demand

What are you talking about deg? Humans aren't just the suppliers of friendship, they also demand it. Given that it's a mutual thing, anyone who provides friendship also gets friendship in return. Any additional person added will count in both sides so it doesn't shift the calculation.

@Exhumatika Because I moved places, so I had to make new friends at a new place. Friendships don't tend to last long because some people have been in bad relationship and now have trust issues on who to let in their lives. That creates loneliness which makes them go online more to find connections. That is why we see a lot of anger, hatred and mental illness online. I still believe online interactions are superficial and face to face is more genuine. I'm guilty of going online too because I do get lonely. I do have genuine friends but sometimes talking to the same people does get kind of tiring. The internet does give me more variety, but also a lot of negativity which can make your loneliness even worse.

@Auron friends are easy to replace too if there are plenty of potential replacements so loyal genuine friends becomes rare or in other words shallow friendship is whats in demand at least in the internet

scarcity is what makes something high value same with friendship imo

there is also the problem of overchoice

@Auron friends are easy to replace too if there are plenty of potential replacements so loyal genuine friends becomes rare or in other words shallow friendship is whats in demand at least in the internet

scarcity is what makes something high value same with friendship imo

there is also the problem of overchoice

@deg

I think what you're touching on is the medium of communication encouraging shallow relationships, and not necessarily to do with population.

If one is in a city that is pretty dense, you are telling me that this person will be less likely to form close friendships because they will look at all the people around them and think that they can do better and ditch their current friend? Does it seem super likely this will happen especially seeing as friendships are non-rivalrous?

Can't you also frame it as, in a dense city, you are more likely to find someone who shares interests with you and you click with than if you're in a rural town? Aren't we often talking about isolation and loneliness within rural communities?

Also again, overchoice is definitely a thing that exists in goods, but friendships are non-rivalrous. People don't tend to shop around to optimize the friend they'll get because you're not limited to only one. Usually, you'll become friends with anyone above an acceptability threshold, and over time you hang around with some of them more and deepen the bond, with others not as much. That's the scarcity, the time you spent with them.

@deg

It's just easier nowadays to get away from people, who are unhealthy to you and don't bring joy to your life. Especially if you don't live on the countryside and you got more than enough option to decide who you wanna spend your time with.
I had toxic friendships in the past and exactly that has been my thought process: why should I endure this, when I could have healthy friendships with other people?
Also time is valuable today (and my alone time is also very important to me) and so I gonna decide which contact I value the most to spend time with on a more regular basis.

It's not like you portray it tho. Most people don't "exchange" their old friends to new ones for no reasons at all, or for very superficial reasons.

@LittleOwlbear no i do not mean any superficial reasons only, i meant all reasons like the ones you claim here

@deg

It's just easier nowadays to get away from people, who are unhealthy to you and don't bring joy to your life. Especially if you don't live on the countryside and you got more than enough option to decide who you wanna spend your time with.
I had toxic friendships in the past and exactly that has been my thought process: why should I endure this, when I could have healthy friendships with other people?
Also time is valuable today (and my alone time is also very important to me) and so I gonna decide which contact I value the most to spend time with on a more regular basis.

It's not like you portray it tho. Most people don't "exchange" their old friends to new ones for no reasons at all, or for very superficial reasons.

I agree with LOB Here.

@deg Not to really gatekeep or impose a specific set of criteria, but "actual" friendships are a pretty significant investment in terms of emotion and time. So it begs to question that if someone "exchanges" their old friends for new ones as you said, then it should be questioned whether or not there was anything substantial in the first place.

People who do this simply cannot form anything other than superficial friendships. As for why urban areas appear to be hotbeds of loneliness? couple of reason.

[1] I think part of it is just population and visibility. We do not pay attention to more rural areas.

[2] I also think highly urbanized environments without much nature and accessible open areas are just demoralizing and dehumanizing at best. Of course, while you are not going to make friends in Central Park, you can make friends with Central Park. Every city is different, but in my experience without the proper, human-centric planning that so many urban areas lack, cities can be very dehumanizing. I think this is a huge issue in China, and goes in hand with the development of "third places" to simply exist outside our abodes.

Boston and New York feels so much friendlier than most of Hong Kong. You know you fucked up when NYC is friendlier than you. Environment plays a significant role in well-being, from the architecture of an individual apartment building to entire cities.

[3]Huge disparities lead to social stratification, especially in a society that judges us by our friends, whether we like it or not. Like often mixes with like, and while part of this is opportunity, much of it is just social expectations. Rural areas tend to have less disparity, or at least less obvious ones. Part of this influences #2. If you are working to live in a closet than you probably would not be in the best place to have friendships.

[4]Immigration. People of similar backgrounds will of course aggregate together. This is the basis of ethnic enclaves such as Chinatown. If you are not a part of these enclaves then it can exacerbate feelings of alienation you have. In addition, it could also be that immigrants from another nation may find it difficult to find friends for related reasons.

[5]New York is full of assholes.

I think capitalisn, at least in the United States, plays a cultural role, not least because who you are influences expectations of who you can be friends with and why. As well as capitalism literally structuring the surrounding landscape, with nary a consideration for the people who live there. I recently took an interest in architecture and city planning, and it is really amazing to think how awfully fucked some cities are or areas in certain cities.

Why is it impossible to build friendships? It is because everyone online could be FBI out to get you.