General Advice Thread v2

Having an obsession isn't necessarily bad and you could have expressed it just by giving her attention, I think most women enjoy that, so it would have been a win-win situation if you were more patient and didn't confess too early.

Both, because love is an obsession.

Seems like a bad faith assumption, there are enough women who would enjoy being loved obsessively, you just need to find them.

It's normal to be obsessed with someone when you have a lot of feelings for them. It's only a problem if it is a problem for you or you do something unreasonably invasive to them they dont like.

A lot of girls tend to be full of shit on the type they are into. They always get into someone who is not their type at some point.

I have no idea what she is doing though. Her going to your place means she trusts you though or at least thinks she could easily kick your ass. Have you ever asked to go to her place? I'd be curious if she acts any different about that situation.

Part of the reason you are so obsessed because you have never got laid and you mistake this as a ''love'' because you finally see a chance with someone you have attraction for.
I bet you think you will never have another chance like this again.

Wrong.

As long you keep talking to girls but consider them as people first, not just potential partners, you might land yourself a girlfriend.
Also being a better person is subjective, I got dumped by my ex yesterday who went with her work coworker who's an absolute normie with 0 personality and horse teeth.
Got confessed by my work coworker who's 6 years younger than me, seems like to have daddy issues and thinks I am mysterious/interesting with issues she thinks she can fix.

Women have different tastes like you do, so.
Personality matters way more for everything and the way you treat her, being consistent and actually listening to her feelings.

I'd say stop focusing on her so much and focus on yourself to make yourself happy, talk to girls but don't expect relationship to come out of it.
If she doesn't want you for who you are then it's not really worth to change yourself, is it.

@nanajp


All good, not my first time, that is where my experience comes from.



What is a good person in your eyes? Someone deemed good person by society standards or by the girl you crush on?
If you do want to be a better person then do it for yourself, perhaps there are things you wish to change about yourself then aim for that.

You mentioned you hate sounding like a robot or acting like one, might be because you are feeling awkward or not used to socializing.

Cutting off ties completely doesn't solve it, trust me you will be bothered about it later on.
Everyone manages their feelings different, you could just eventually accept that she won't ever see you as a love interest and there's nothing you can do about it, once you accept that fact then you'll stop obsessing over her so much.

Also cutting ties completely just looks like you only wanted her to lose your virginity for or for relationship purposes only, lol.

If she's not interested either work on yourself to become someone she could be interested in or try to make some other connections. It's good that you found a friend, but you need to expand your horizons through more interaction.

I hate to but you are likely incel and do not know it. All it takes is to be a virgin over 20. All you can do is accept it and move on. If you are over 6ft you might have better luck geomaxing though.

@nanajp
Geomaxing is chosing a different country to live in usually where their is less competition. Only possible if you got enough money though. If you believe you are a truecel I do not recommend going that route.

While I don't think your really obsessed, I think you're moving too fast. A problem I see is that you thought that when they were going to your house that it was a sign of intimacy, going to a friend's house means your getting closer but not in that way, she wanted to hang out with you and talk about whatever.


She put you in the friend zone so that is a sign to stop thinking so much about her, find another friend or do a different hobby.

@nanajp


If her reason is actually "you are too weird (autistic) for me and you should change yourself completely" and you haven't done anything wrong, I'd reconsider the whole friendship as well.
From personal experience, these people might talk and laugh behind your back even for talking about your special interests or other nd traits that don't harm them.
Be friends with people, who appreciate you being "weird" (as long it's harmless weird)... that mostly comes down to other neurodivergent friends and partners.

Also virginity is a social construct you don't have to care about. Trying to lose your virginity just to boost your self-esteem won't happen. It will come across as insecure and needy and you won't see the person first who you are trying date.
On another note: the friendzone doesn't exist. It's wonderful to have genuine friends and not a zone where you put in and have to find a way out.

@nanajp Because thinking about them so much isn't healthy. Plus your obviously looking for a lover.

Personally if I were you, I would get high on kratom and then tell her I liked her. Plan it out. Kratom is a great drug for socializing. It'll also boost your confidence. I wouldn't hang around someone I liked w/o telling them my feelings but I know social anxiety can be crippling.

Recently I had to leave the house a few times and everywhere I kept seeing young couples my age, the fact some young guys like me get to have a gf yet I'm a shut-in loser who can't talk to women has made me truly distressed to an existential extent, I've been through such maddening days because of this I think I'm going to lose my mind and do something stupid and irrational.
So what's the best way I can forget about my incel envy and go on be a shut-in loser with no worries like I was previously. Please just gimme advice on how I stay a loser and forgetting my sudden realization of my situation that has made me distressed.