What&#039;s up with virgins justifying their virginity?

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Apr 2014

5759

This thread was a good read.

OP has some great points.

Moral is:

-If you wear your virginity like a pride badge, you're insecure about it.
-If you justify your virginity, you're insecure about it.
-If you constantly glorify sex despite being a virgin, you're insecure about it.

You shouldn't feel bad about saying you're a virgin, but you also shouldn't turn around and try and explain it away defensively or act like it's not your fault and there's x and y reasons for virginity. In reality, it doesn't need to be explained away. Having to explain away a "problem" admits you have a problem. You have a problem with being a virgin. If people have a problem with a virgin being a virgin, then it's their problem, not the virgins. It becomes the virgins own self righteous crusade when they try to deflect it.

Be humble and then no one cares. This goes for virgins and non-virgins alike. Don't like being a virgin? Do something about it.

daveSep 16, 2014 12:33 AM

Sep 16, 2014 12:39 AM

#223

Dross_Rotzank

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Oct 2013

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What do you expect them to do? Kill themselves? Justifying your disabilities is part of the human nature.

Coño!

Sep 16, 2014 12:58 AM

#224

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Sep 16, 2014 1:07 AM

#225

katsucats

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Oddyeus said:
Sex is pointless without love/emotional attachment, especially for a male, since the momentary pleasure it gives is tiny and only lasts for a few seconds. Sex for the sake of sex is just a pathetic way of inflating your own ego.

So anything that gives momentary pleasure is a pathetic way of inflating your own ego? First explain momentary: Nothing lasts forever. Second, your life is made out of a series of "moments", agree? Third, does ego precede pleasure, or does pleasure precede ego? In other words, do people have pleasure in order to inflate ego, or do people have inflated egos due to feeling good? If something is pointless because it gives momentary pleasure, and something is only for the sake of inflating ego for the same reason, then a person shouldn't feel any pleasure at all unless they feel it permanently, and any physiological hormonal response inducing pleasure is volitional. That a person feels something due to a psychological response instead of having a psychological response because he feels something. Clearly, this is absurd.

Oddyeus said:
There are cultural limitations on how we use our libidos for a reason. Humans are cultured creatures, however - culture isn't something humans are born with. Libido often makes people act against their cultural desires (i.e: pretty much fucking everything you do, with the exception of shitting, eating and fucking). If you would rather live without culture, please abandon everything you've learnt since birth and go live in a forest.

You're confusing the culture which we are born under and informs everything we know with culture as a conscious identity. These are different, clearly, since it is not the case that someone who does not conform to some arbitrary ideal has the moral imperative to forget everything he knows, otherwise Martin Luther King would have been a hermit, and America would've still been under British rule.

Secondly, there is no evidence that whatever arbitrary values you consider to be cultured is "better" than any other. This elitist idea has been generally discounted, and even mocked, since John Stuart Mill formulated his virtue utilitarianism in 1861. Perhaps you should put down that quill, take off your ascot, step away from that fireplace, stop sipping on that Domaine Charlemagne Grand Cru, and join the rest of us back in the 21st century.

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Sep 16, 2014 1:10 AM

#226

SolviteWoTaberu

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Jan 2013

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whats with non-virgins trying to validate themselves by putting unnecessary importance on sex?

Sep 16, 2014 1:16 AM

#227

Thrashinuva

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8394

*condescending post*

Honestly this is when you guys need to take up the strategy game forum saying: PEMN

Personal experience means nothing.

Personal success doesn't mean a global answer for success. Sex = reproduction which = more life, but we have 7 billion in the world and should even 6 billion of those people not ever have sex we'll still be good. Beyond that it's all personal experience.

Some allude to it being some kind of problem. I'm guessing either because acknowledging it as a problem is what makes it a problem, or because it isn't normal or something. Either way, those who feel so shouldn't pretend it invalidates everyone elses problems. Should virginity be a problem that needs solving, that's just but one of many "flaws" of the overall human populace, and shouldn't be singled out.

Like, I don't know, instead of acting arrogantly to those who haven't lost their virginity, you should look at how arrogant you're being and realize that you're a pretty condescending douche.

Or you know, don't. You guys will learn eventually but it isn't as if someone telling you is going to suddenly magically change your minds about things.

My fake condescending post ended up being a real condescending post, I guess. Whatever. Love and peace always win. You're perfect in someones eyes. God doesn't exist but if he did he'd love you. You're still human so it's not like you're all bad. Good job for not murdering anyone and getting sent to prison. Etc and so on and more compliments to balance out the condescension.

Sep 16, 2014 1:18 AM

#228

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Apr 2014

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SolviteSekai said:
whats with non-virgins trying to validate themselves by putting unnecessary importance on sex?

People who seek validation often times are also insecure about their own existence. The commentary here is exactly what that is aimed at. How people try to explain away an insecurity instead of doing something about it.

Sep 16, 2014 1:21 AM

#229

SolviteWoTaberu

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Jan 2013

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Pro-Tip

Unless you can prove you had sex with at least an 8, you arent any better off than a virgin.

Obtaining sex isn't that hard, depending on your standards.

I'd wager most of the "successful bachelors" in this thread either had sex with fat girls or are lying.

My ex and I had sex, I've experienced some shit in my 26 years of life, but I also learned that putting my dick in someone didn't unlock the secret to infinite street cred.

Sep 16, 2014 1:23 AM

#230

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Feb 2013

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In all honesty, this sounds like a very enclosed matter. I doubt a lot of people try to take pride in being a virgin.

"Justifying" being a virgin, however, shouldn't be seen in such negative light. Usually in those situations, the person is justifying himself because he's talking with someone whose had sex. It's more the other way around usually with the ones who had sex bragging and taking pride, prolly like 900:1.

If you mean those "justifying" though, well I could be asked why I'm a virgin still and I'd say I'm not in any rush for a relationship, and I don't desperately need it atm. That is a justification, and is that so wrong?

BlokeTokesSep 16, 2014 1:26 AM

Sep 16, 2014 1:29 AM

#231

SolviteWoTaberu

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Piegoose said:
In all honesty, this sounds like a very enclosed matter. I doubt a lot of people try to take pride in being a virgin.

"Justifying" being a virgin, however, shouldn't be seen in such negative light. Usually in those situations, the person is justifying himself because he's talking with someone whose had sex. It's more the other way around usually with the ones who had sex bragging and taking pride, prolly like 900:1.

If you mean those "justifying" though, well I could be asked why I'm a virgin still and I'd say I'm not in any rush for a relationship, and I don't desperately need it atm. That is a justification, and is that so wrong?

People on mal at least pretend to take pride in being virgins.

Sep 16, 2014 1:46 AM

#232

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Apr 2014

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Piegoose said:
In all honesty, this sounds like a very enclosed matter. I doubt a lot of people try to take pride in being a virgin.

"Justifying" being a virgin, however, shouldn't be seen in such negative light. Usually in those situations, the person is justifying himself because he's talking with someone whose had sex. It's more the other way around usually with the ones who had sex bragging and taking pride, prolly like 900:1.

If you mean those "justifying" though, well I could be asked why I'm a virgin still and I'd say I'm not in any rush for a relationship, and I don't desperately need it atm. That is a justification, and is that so wrong?

Your "reasons" and your "justifications" are different. Although they are the same in words, what separates them is context. Here's what I mean through an example.

Example of reason:

Person one: Are you a virgin?
Person two: Yes.
Person one: Why?
Person two: I want to wait till marriage.

There is nothing wrong with that. Person two has a distinct conscience and belief and he/she is sticking to it. They are asked a reason and then are giving said reason.

Example of justification:

Person one: Are you a virgin?
Person two: Yes because I want to wait till marriage.

This is justification. Person two immediately jumps to their reasoning without being asked and pins it out there because you feel the need to due to a lack of security in their choices. They were afraid Person one would think bad of them in some way without an immediate reason in the same breath as their answer.

If you need to justify something, then you are inevitably insecure about that same choice. If you don't have insecurity about something, you don't need to justify it. Simple as that.

This applies to non-virgins too. If they constantly flaunt around like sex is just the best, then they have some kind of insecurity about their choice that they need to justify through casual remarks about fucking and picking on people who are virgins.

Either way. Taking pride in putting your dick into vagina, taking a dick in your vagina, not taking a dick in your vagina, or not putting your dick in a vagina is retarded. It's like taking pride in being a human being. No. One. Actually. Gives. A. Single. Fuck. And if they do, those types of people need to verify themselves and are not people that would bring much pleasure socially being around.

daveSep 16, 2014 2:07 AM

Sep 16, 2014 2:06 AM

#233

Chromephone

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Oct 2012

2105

who cares

having sex once doesnt actually mean or change anything

Sep 16, 2014 2:17 AM

#234

katsucats

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Piegoose said:
"Justifying" being a virgin, however, shouldn't be seen in such negative light. Usually in those situations, the person is justifying himself because he's talking with someone whose had sex. It's more the other way around usually with the ones who had sex bragging and taking pride, prolly like 900:1.

There is no magic barrier between those who had sex and those who had not, except when imagined by virgins. Talking about sex in jest, much like joking about anime elitism, does not constitute bragging. Certainly, there are those who do brag, but I get the feeling that much of this narrative is played up by the insecure virgin. What the virgin doesn't see is that when he justifies his virginity, he is putting sex on the pedestal, same as the sex braggart. Worse! He is denouncing sex while putting it on the pedestal, making him a hypocrite. A person talking about sex is not necessarily putting down the virgin, but a virgin who creates this virgin versus non-virgin fantasy in response puts himself down.

SolviteSekai said:
whats with non-virgins trying to validate themselves by putting unnecessary importance on sex?

Certainly, what's with them? But one thing must be made clear: Talking about sex is not the same as putting importance on sex. Someone puts importance on sex when they make sex a precondition for something else. If someone says, "I've had sex, therefore I'm the man", then that is placing importance on sex. Likewise, if someone says, "People who have sex must be sluts", or "I have no interest in sex because [blah blah 3 paragraphs]", then they are placing importance on sex.

We are talking about sex right now, in a way, but we are placing importance on authenticity.

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Sep 16, 2014 2:34 AM

#235

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Guys you turned this thread into abstraction.

Talking about imagined situations with low connection to reality.

Sep 16, 2014 6:06 AM

#236

Tears_in_Rain

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Let's put it this way. would you want to blow your nose in a piece of tissue paper that someone had just used? That's essentially it.

all these moments will be lost in time like.. tears in rain

Sep 16, 2014 6:19 AM

#237

Tears_in_Rain

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laldonkaments said:

Tears_in_Rain said:
Let's put it this way. would you want to blow your nose in a piece of tissue paper that someone had just used? That's essentially it.

That metaphor is so fucked up, it causes me internal bleeding

the truth hurts /nods

all these moments will be lost in time like.. tears in rain

Sep 16, 2014 8:02 AM

#238

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katsucats said:

Piegoose said:
"Justifying" being a virgin, however, shouldn't be seen in such negative light. Usually in those situations, the person is justifying himself because he's talking with someone whose had sex. It's more the other way around usually with the ones who had sex bragging and taking pride, prolly like 900:1.

There is no magic barrier between those who had sex and those who had not, except when imagined by virgins. Talking about sex in jest, much like joking about anime elitism, does not constitute bragging. Certainly, there are those who do brag, but I get the feeling that much of this narrative is played up by the insecure virgin. What the virgin doesn't see is that when he justifies his virginity, he is putting sex on the pedestal, same as the sex braggart. Worse! He is denouncing sex while putting it on the pedestal, making him a hypocrite. A person talking about sex is not necessarily putting down the virgin, but a virgin who creates this virgin versus non-virgin fantasy in response puts himself down.

I don't see how you could possibly think there are more people taking pride in their virginity, not "justifying" it because those are two very different things. Did you not go to high school?

I've witnessed zero people in my life brag about their virginity, including the internet. While I have witnessed many many people "brag", not talk, about their encounters with sex while involving a condescending attitude (not imagined by me, clear as day) of picking out those who are virgins around them. I know the difference of "talking" about sex, I joke about it all the time with my friends, yet there have been a few times when my friends "bragged" about their sex encounters, clearly and obviously afterwards condescendingly looking at my virginity by saying pretty much, "ha, you're still a virgin, why don't you try and get a girlfriend." That is when I explain/"justify", not take pride in it.

Pride: a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.
Justify: Show or prove to be reasonable.

People brag about sex, I'm not sure how you haven't noticed this. It's not even wrong that they do, it's just when I am asked why I'm a virgin, I don't fall to my knees and say, "man I need some vag action right now, will you please teach me??" I "justify" (or explain) why I haven't worked at all to getting it, and I might even say I'm more interested in a relationship than an encounter.

Sep 16, 2014 8:15 AM

#239

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Piegoose said:

katsucats said:

There is no magic barrier between those who had sex and those who had not, except when imagined by virgins. Talking about sex in jest, much like joking about anime elitism, does not constitute bragging. Certainly, there are those who do brag, but I get the feeling that much of this narrative is played up by the insecure virgin. What the virgin doesn't see is that when he justifies his virginity, he is putting sex on the pedestal, same as the sex braggart. Worse! He is denouncing sex while putting it on the pedestal, making him a hypocrite. A person talking about sex is not necessarily putting down the virgin, but a virgin who creates this virgin versus non-virgin fantasy in response puts himself down.

I don't see how you could possibly think there are more people taking pride in their virginity, not "justifying" it because those are two very different things. Did you not go to high school?

I've witnessed zero people in my life brag about their virginity, including the internet. While I have witnessed many many people "brag", not talk, about their encounters with sex while involving a condescending attitude (not imagined by me, clear as day) of picking out those who are virgins around them. I know the difference of "talking" about sex, I joke about it all the time with my friends, yet there have been a few times when my friends "bragged" about their sex encounters, clearly and obviously afterwards condescendingly looking at my virginity by saying pretty much, "ha, you're still a virgin, why don't you try and get a girlfriend." That is when I explain/"justify", not take pride in it.

Pride: a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.
Justify: Show or prove to be reasonable.

People brag about sex, I'm not sure how you haven't noticed this. It's not even wrong that they do, it's just when I am asked why I'm a virgin, I don't fall to my knees and say, "man I need some vag action right now, will you please teach me??" I "justify" (or explain) why I haven't worked at all to getting it, and I might even say I'm more interested in a relationship than an encounter.

Well said, bear for this guy.

Sep 16, 2014 8:15 AM

#240

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causeez said:

Your "reasons" and your "justifications" are different.

Look a the definition of "justify": https://www.google.com/search?q=define%3A+justify&oq=define%3A+justify&aqs=chrome.0.69i59j69i58.2101j0j4&sourceid=chrome&espv=2&es_sm=93&ie=UTF-8

(notice the right or reasonable)

causeez said:
Although they are the same in words, what separates them is context. Here's what I mean through an example.

Example of reason:

Person one: Are you a virgin?
Person two: Yes.
Person one: Why?
Person two: I want to wait till marriage.

There is nothing wrong with that. Person two has a distinct conscience and belief and he/she is sticking to it. They are asked a reason and then are giving said reason.

Example of justification:

Person one: Are you a virgin?
Person two: Yes because I want to wait till marriage.

This is justification. Person two immediately jumps to their reasoning without being asked and pins it out there because you feel the need to due to a lack of security in their choices. They were afraid Person one would think bad of them in some way without an immediate reason in the same breath as their answer.

Do you think that's the first time he was asked that question? He was probably asked a billion times before and just did a quick answer. IT depends who you're talking to. The person could just be someone you aren't comfortable talking about sex with, or it could be. It doesn't have to be all or none. I'm not comfortable talking about topics that would bring up sex encounters with some of my friends because they are clearly condescending about it when I bring it up (talking about sex and talking about things that are very close to sex stories are different).

causeez said:
If you need to justify something, then you are inevitably insecure about that same choice.

That's true to an extent, but society has made it for the most part seem as if you are supposed to have sex. Because of that, seeing all the peer pressure, some might feel like they are supposed to.

causeez said:
If you don't have insecurity about something, you don't need to justify it. Simple as that.

This applies to non-virgins too. If they constantly flaunt around like sex is just the best, then they have some kind of insecurity about their choice that they need to justify through casual remarks about fucking and picking on people who are virgins.

Not quite. They may very well not be insecure, but simply falling to peer pressure to look cool (more relevant in high school). People aren't so simply in their motives, things aren't black and white.

causeez said:
Either way. Taking pride in putting your dick into vagina, taking a dick in your vagina, not taking a dick in your vagina, or not putting your dick in a vagina is retarded. It's like taking pride in being a human being. No. One. Actually. Gives. A. Single. Fuck. And if they do, those types of people need to verify themselves and are not people that would bring much pleasure socially being around.

Yes, sex is a natural thing and part of humanity, but it is clearly not something we are expected to hunt after our whole lives or put a huge importance on. People have different priorities, but since we are all human, yes sex will be a priority somewhere in there. Humanity wants sex, so sex is in their schedule, but just because it's there doesn't mean it's on the first page. However, when we take society into account, those people might feel insecure feeling it is supposed to be.

Sep 16, 2014 8:19 AM

#241

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Apr 2014

5759

I think you need to look past societal norms and just worry about who you want to be as a person, and not what others want you to be. If you're uncomfortable about talking about sex, if you're uncomfortable about talking about your virginity/ lack of virginity, you have some cognitive insecurity about how others think of you. And that's the root of the problem. This even extends past this topic to any other topic. Bullying, drugs, alcohol, you name it. Peer pressure in any form. Nobody who's actually worth a damn cares.

If you give into peer pressure, that's your fault.

Plus it seems like you think that everyone who has sex has some kind of attitude that there's something wrong with virgins. Which plays more onto the fact of giving into societal norms.

daveSep 16, 2014 8:24 AM

Sep 16, 2014 9:03 AM

#242

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causeez said:
If you're uncomfortable about talking about sex, if you're uncomfortable about talking about your virginity/ lack of virginity , you have some cognitive insecurity about how others think of you.

Rude questions are uncomfortable and most of people don't have any sense how to ask about virginity. E. They ask you out of ass in circle of ppl you almost don't know and then they wonder on MAL threads why virgins felt uncomfortable.That's where the problem lies.

Someone's virginity is not a thing to satisfy your curiosity, it's intimate zone and some distance must be preserved.

Sep 16, 2014 9:06 AM

#243

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Apr 2014

5759

Krunchy said:

causeez said:
If you're uncomfortable about talking about sex, if you're uncomfortable about talking about your virginity/ lack of virginity , you have some cognitive insecurity about how others think of you.

Rude questions are uncomfortable and most of people don't have any sense how to ask about virginity. E. They ask you out of ass in circle of ppl you almost don't know and then they wonder on MAL threads why virgins felt uncomfortable.That's where the problem lies.

Someone's virginity is not a thing to satisfy your curiosity, it's intimate zone and some distance must be preserved.

Why are you associated with people like this is a question I would ask then.

Sep 16, 2014 9:07 AM

#244

RevInity

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Aug 2013

350

People are prideful of their virginity?
I thought this was the 21st century.

Sep 16, 2014 9:12 AM

#245

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causeez said:

Krunchy said:

Rude questions are uncomfortable and most of people don't have any sense how to ask about virginity. E. They ask you out of ass in circle of ppl you almost don't know and then they wonder on MAL threads why virgins felt uncomfortable.That's where the problem lies.

Someone's virginity is not a thing to satisfy your curiosity, it's intimate zone and some distance must be preserved.

Why are you associated with people like this is a question I would ask then.

You can't choose people from college/work.

Sep 16, 2014 9:16 AM

#246

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Apr 2014

5759

Krunchy said:
You can't choose people from college/work.

You can't. You can however choose how meaningful their words are, and how much you associate with them outside of need.

Sep 16, 2014 9:22 AM

#247

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Nov 2012

1308

causeez said:

Krunchy said:
You can't choose people from college/work.

You can't. You can however choose how meaningful their words are, and how much you associate with them outside of need.

Do you think I don't know that and what it has to do with topic, you can't secure yourself against uncomfortable questions anyway. You still fail to see that problem lies in people, not in virgins?

Sep 16, 2014 9:38 AM

#248

Veronin

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Feb 2008

4350

What's up with non-virgins ostracising virgins?

How about this: it doesn't matter. Your sexual experience is a personal matter and has nothing to do with random people on the internet. If you judge someone's value as a person by their sexual experience (or lack thereof) then you are a blubbering idiot and useless sheep that will live and die a nobody.

VeroninSep 16, 2014 9:43 AM

Sep 16, 2014 9:39 AM

#249

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Apr 2014

5759

Krunchy said:
Do you think I don't know that and what it has to do with topic, you can't secure yourself against uncomfortable questions anyway. You still fail to see that problem lies in people, not in virgins?

If you're secure about something, then it isn't uncomfortable to talk about it.

If you're uncomfortable about your identity in a conversation topic, then you have an insecurity about it. Rude questions or not.

And I think you're missing the point of what I'm saying. I've shown that it is entirely on the fault of people. But it's not just people bashing virgins, but virgins themselves who also share some blame for their own self confidence.

There's assholes everywhere. How you deal with assholes is the issue entirely. This topic could be about height, or weight and the same concept would apply.

Words hurt. The thing that depends on you is how much you let them hurt.

Sep 16, 2014 9:57 AM

#250