Well here goes nothing lol
A deliberate disguise, one eyed, underlined.
My tattered thoughts, loose and cruel
And on that day you lay there, silent and dry
That day, of all days, a calm mute
Thoughtful, eyes strong, maybe mocking.
Shaking my world with the casual havoc
of your trembling voice. It was so easy
Avoiding your lips
Crashing against your hips, the rigid symmetrical symphony.
And those mistakes to come, open out before me
So many faces
Ravana
* * *
Black!, ‘a mottled memory true’, but it never stops.
Remembering back before, a scattered image now
Stretching arms, inhaling your fumes….and then
Grey!, One swift motion, a smile, or was it a laugh?
‘BITCH, YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!!!’; did I say that?
‘Be rational now please’.
‘Control yourself…just….just….calm the fuck down okay’
White!, noise smashing against reason, deep breaths, shaking
‘Come on control yourself’
‘You’re a man(?!?) now…..Control yourself….’
* * *.
Omniscient heart, wondering ‘oh how she suffers’, alone
I’ll call her….
Green parka, greasy hair and apparent timid air
Stigmata of my curiosity, forced upon her tiny face
It’s like rape
We never touch, look or talk
Innocent, arms straight rigid at her side, running,
Strange yet Beautiful!
Or so she seems, from a distance.
Desperate to satisfy, desperate to comfort.
From a distance, strangely beautiful
* * *
SHIT….more trouble
She hath rightly fucked with my head
My masterpiece,
Inside these four walls of shadows and non-events, YOU!!!
You had to come along and fuck it right up….apropos
Almost poetic, don’t you agree?
Different face now, same result.
This time I’m now blinded
By a black frame on whites; tooth?
It’s beautiful
Awkward, popular and worst of all blessed with the common touch
Those uninterested modesties, a casual glance
Fuck, more trouble….this reunion, rewriting again
Her Presence, brings no comfort
But I need it.
Her Absence, brings no comfort
But I need it.
SHIT!!!!!
* * *
Ravana!
Nefarious, a new face returning; older now
Bearing the scars of our time, my geometry,
The echoes of which
Mirroring hollow sentiment and trite posturing.
The blind narcissus, gazing aimlessly,
When he himself, that is
‘Hamlet, noticed only the scars which disfigured his chest, hands and feet’
His chest, hands and feet
His chest, hands and feet
His chest, hands and feet
No time now for old faces
Messianic drawl, a speeding acolyte for all our broken promise.
Just surrender yourself to me!!!
Please, surrender to me!
Hurt me, please, Soorpanaka
Scratch!!!!
* * *
Just one drink!
Objective….self effacement….my own murder
The ugly truth, the whole truth
I tell myself - ‘It’s for your own good’
Four, Empress of Doubt, laments?
Sighs then smiles,
‘You’d just be too much work, we’d never make it….’,
Too AWARE, Too UNBENDING, Too YOUNG, Too CRUEL
Picturing
Our story’s conclusion, beautiful for it’s baffling absence of sentiment
Saying
‘It would never work’
Thinking
It would work!
Repeating
‘It would never work!’
Knowing
It would work!!!
Her breath, the only sound I choose to hear these days
Neglected chance!
I regret
The Lost asylum of the hazel gaze
I mourn
The inevitable separation
I accept
The necessity of two lives; each free of the other.
I flinch, repeating
You one Live once
Life is short
* * *
In the end, it’s all only stale words
But they’re deafening
The failures of each face, screaming at me,
Every enigmatic spore, looking forwards primly
Ravana, the latest name of an unwanted friend
Day after day, the same cycle, four times
Muttering in-between silences
‘The awful daring of a moments surrender’
At dusk, she glides towards me defiantly, or at least drunk
Free from the distance of the day,
Once again, strangely beautiful
‘What’s wrong with you, do you even care?’ |