Super Child

This is a masterpiece for the ages.
Even better then episode 5 of dragon ball super.
Gokdari is the greatest anime protagonist in a North Korean cartoon I have seen.
I love the Seinfeld references they make as well as the smash mouth soundtrack.
The wonderful morals and one liners leave me our of oxygen which killed me almost instantly.
I suggest everyone watch this masterpiece of animation.
With this I suggest Mars of destruction, Doogal and Boku No Pingu.
The music is definitely a plus with tracks like all star and Its the end of the world as we know it.

"Now you will experience true evil..."-Some shitty ass tentacle alien monster, 1995

Oh, believe me. I already have. This shit has pushed me to the limit...

*spoilers for Super Kid. Don't watch this fucking abomination; it's not worth your time. Read the review instead and spare yourself the pain*

Super Kid is some kind of South Korean knockoff of the ultra popular anime: Dragon Ball Z. This anime is so bad that I actually wish I picked Dragon Ball Evolution instead. This pile of fucking horseshit is why I wish we sided with North Korea instead, so the they couldn't make this dumpster fire. In the span of ... two hours, your patience and sanity is assaulted, put to the test; only the strongest of individuals will survive this travesty. It isn't even funny bad in any regard; it's just maddening. I legitimately find this to be a prime contender for the title of "Worst Anime of All Time", and in a world such as this, where over 2 decades after this dreck came out, the likes of Hand Shakers, Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei, and Mars of Destruction exist, that's quite an honor, if you wanna put it that way. You need an iron will to even last halfway through this heap, much less the whole 100+ minute torture session. I might as well have watched SAW; at least there I would know what I'm truly in for before I even watch it. Hell, given that this is a garbage DBZ knockoff, I probably should've watched Dragon Ball Evolution instead.

Before we even start the putrid excuse for a "story", we have to sit through almost 4 minutes of a trailer that shows almost everything that will happen in the movie. It's just an obnoxious and tedious recap of what we were literally about to see and it just kept dragging on and on just as soon as you think it would end. Keep in mind, after this, we have over 100 minutes left to view, and they literally waste our time for 4 whole minutes. Nonetheless, with that out the way, let's jump into the movie proper.

We actually begin with 2 minutes of Eunjoo sleeping and her coworkers chatting, and the snoring is obnoxious, but then her walkie-talkie goes all Walt Disney on her by sprouting arms, legs, and an angry 1940's Disney cartoon character face before waking her up with an excruciating ringtone that probably hurts us more than it does her. It's a call from the boss of her reporting business and she literally falls asleep again, snoring, and somehow the boss can't hear her loud ass snoring. How has she not been fired yet if she has been doing this kind of crap on a possible consistent basis? Whatever, we see some random, unexplained, green cubes of letters as Eunjoo takes off in her flying car and is given a debriefing on the "Super kids”, which is just crappy exposition for the audience. Also, the youngest member is 11, the youngest member to be active in the movie is 13, and everyone else is either older or infinitely older, with our protagonist being 199 years old and one of them being 2000 (though they can't identify an exact age but never even try an approximation). Kids my ass.

We then see these..."kids" take on a reject member of the family of Kang and Kodos from the Simpsons, and some Terminator reject, as they have kidnapped a scientist. We never see the scientist in this movie, so this was unnecessary as they could've just made it so that the criminals were causing havoc in the city or something (that way it would make sense how they handled it). After embarrassing interplay and fighting, they are apprehended. Also, we learn that we will never know how these characters get their powers as they just pull any and all powers out of their ass. Remember in Dragon Ball Z, Naruto, or even Fairy Tail how people would call out their attacks and perform specific motions in order to channel their body to perform them? Yeah, there's a reason that's important (as annoying as it can be to hear the same attack name shouted over and over); it's so that it doesn't just come out of thin air. These shounen series actually establish these attacks and what is supposed to happen for them to be executed like a hand sign or a specific body gesture. Here, these guys pull whatever our of their asses, some of which could've really gotten them out of sticky situations had they used them earlier, which becomes especially apparent in the second half.

After that, we see the heroes acting like brats before a commissioner and an officer give them their next mission, which is the bulk of the plot: stop this alien overlord which has ravaged planets (you're already making the Frieza and Buu connections, I just know it) and his assistant with a "tragic past". After it all goes wrong, said assistant, whose name isn't even on MAL, does a pathetic face turn and points out Heroes to the fact that the officer was evil all along, so they split up, two to take down the cop, and two to take down our main villain, especially since he has recently captured Eunjoo, who was a stowaway since she wanted to get more scoops about them.

The fight Gokdari and his rock buddy have against the cop who randomly turns into an alien is part for the course at this point, and runners the question of how they got back if tee spaceship they used to get to the alien planet isn't being used; this also applies to how they get back. As for the final fight, it's also par for the pathetic course at this point. The assistant takes it some kind of crazy energy ball the villain stores in him that made him powerful and performs a sacrifice to destroy it, and then the villain gets his ass kicked and arrested, and the heroes get money and spend it on some random charity. The end. Also, remember the 11-year-old girl who was shown in a screen in the beginning? Never shown. There was this guy that looked like Yamaha from the original Dragon Ball and he's only on one scene. Either way, you get my point, right. Everything is pulled out of its ass and never properly introduced and the plot makes no sense. It's such a simple plot, which makes it all the more unbelievable as to how badly they fucked this up. Either way, moving on.

The team of "Super Kids" is absolutely unlikeable and unworthy of being called heroes, the supporting cast is barely there and barely worth mentioning like the lazy and pathetic Bulma wannabe, Eunjoo, and the villains are pathetic and one Note losers that all become crybabies at one point or another. Gokdari is infuriatingly arrogant and dumb, and he actively goes as far as to basically torture opponents who surrender, like that alien. I needn't mention the assistant character with the "tragic past" of losing his son and then turning evil until only now decided "I wanna be good again so I'll help these good guys". Let's get the rest of this shit show of a cast started since I already covered Eunjoo and Gokdari. Also, the Yamchalookalike and the 11-year-old girl, as well as the generic mayor and the rest of the villains won't get a mention since I have literally already said everything you can say about them in this review as it is; they're that pathetically characterized. There's also this pilot guy who only shows up to do one thing: deliver a punch with his mech to the final boss, leave, and then go weirdly berserk in hopes of finding the now defeated villain. Well, here we go...

Big Boy (what a generic and lame name) is a 13-year-old coward who keeps getting the hots for Eunjoo and being an arrogant loser; that's his whole character. Samachi, who looks like a winged and anorexic King Piccolo, is just a bickering teammate who just gets his job done. Rockpile only talks when he wants to make rock puns about something going on and has nothing else to him. Saint Teolteol is just an old man with nothing to him other than the fact that he is the eldest one; he doesn't even do anything. You know, the sad truth is that I've just covered every single character here to a T. Pathetic.

I bet that as soon as you heard "Korean knockoff", you immediately knew that the animation would be cheap at best; you'd be right since sometimes you actually do have to judge a book by its cover. The animation often jitters to the point of looking like an animatic (or a series of still pictures moving fast but not fast enough to convince us of actual motion); this is a 1995 movie, a movie released the same year as Ghost in the Shell and Macross Plus Movie Edition, with both are gorgeously animated. The fight scenes are pretty bad as well thanks to the lack of actual choreography. Characters almost never dodge either. Expect a distressing amount of reused animation, which I have never seen in an animated film before. Then again, this was probably made in a puny budget; that would explain why they hired a Horrendous cameraman to record this. They often zoom in and out for no reason and in many scenes of travel, the camera just jitters in order to help make the scene look less like animation and more like an animatic. It's not like it records the full screen either given how during the scene where Eunjoo sees bios of the Super Kids, it's cut off. The animation isn't overall abysmal, but it's still terrible and coupled with it being reused and having a bad camera, yeah...

Ever wanted to see a film assault your ears? Then you've come to the right place, fucko! This film will make your ears bleed in pain and beg for mercy by the 10-minute mark. The OST is obnoxious as fuck, and that's largely thanks to the fact that the sound equipment in this film is so goddamn awful that a 1960's Hanna Barbera cartoon does a better job, no scratch that, fucking 1920's films have infinitely better sound equipment for their music and voice acting! Then again, the OST is worthless even on its own and I don't need to research the songs to tell you that. The sound effects are beyond atrociously as well, like the rocks or how when a character crashes into a ground it at one point has the sound effect of the classic "character gets slammed into a car", and I don't need to tell you why that is a horrible sound effect choice, do I? It applies to almost every single sound effect imaginable here. The Ocean Dub (yeah, it was dubbed by the people that gave you the god-awful DBZ Ocean dub) is easily the worst dub I have ever heard in my life, not because the voices don't remotely fit with the characters, but because they're so damn grating! Special mention goes out to the infuriating voice of Gokdari and the borderline incomprehensible voices of the cop's alien form and the main villain's final form! God, fuck this dub! Fuck everything about the audio! I'm damn sure I lost at least a few cilia over this horse shit! Let's just move on...

This film is so, so goddamn irritating that it hurts! Hurts like a mother fucker! If the abominable characters don't piss you off enough, the nightmarish audio will really crest an experience so irritating that it becomes even more maddening than having to put up with a whining, crying 2 year old at the supermarket that just wants whatever the fuck he can't have, and having to put up with that is not only infuriating (especially if you're the parent), but it's goddamn mortifying for all parties involved. Yet, this film is more irritating and more mortifying; I'd be less embarrassed getting caught watching hentai than even watching this shit, let alone getting caught doing so, especially since it's basically self-inflicted torture for me to view this; I'd get sent to a mental hospital. It's maddening, but not infuriating to the point where you just want to explode like the absolute worst title I've covered, though believe me, with the audio, it really comes close. It's just overwhelming enough to push you to the brink of your endurance but not destructive enough to the point of blind rage and a passionate lust for revenge, and that makes it all the more painful since I cannot reasonably vent until after the viewing is over rather than if I exploded while watching as that means I get to blow off steam to the very piece of technology that is broadcasting what I'm watching. I nearly gave up 15 minutes in, to put that into perspective, and if it was a full-blown television series with 12, 24, or more episodes, I certainly would have.

Now, is Super Kid the worst anime I've seen? No. Even despite what this score will tell you, it isn't; the worst anime I've seen just happens to fuck up a good deal less in the audio department, though it fails so absurdly hard in literally every single other category to the point where each of them dig far below the minimum 1/10 requirement, making the act of giving it a 1 to be generous. Unlike what I consider to be the worst, it doesn't have a gigantic and brutal concentration of plot holes, contradictions of its own logic, or abominable characters with absurd motivations and actions, nor is this as visually offensive. However, it is one of, if not the most irritating and audibly offensive piece of work I have ever endured. Its characters are shallow and pathetic, it pulls so many things out of its ass, it's world building is also ass, its animation is cheap and lazy, and its audio is irreparably bad in terms of equipment, music, sound effects, and dub. It may not be the worst anime I've ever seen, but it's easily in the top 3, as well as being the current worst movie I've ever seen by a wide margin. Fuck this movie and everything about it, not just as a DBZ fan, but a fan of anime, animation, action, and storytelling. With all that said, I'm off to watch some Dragon Ball Z Abridged. The new episode just came out 2 days prior to the publication of this review. Well, bye for now.

Stay far away. This is as bad as it gets people. This anime will give you a new appreciation for what a 1/10 truly is.

I honestly don't even need to go into details here because it literally fails in every category. Animation. Sound. Characters. Story. The more you watch it the the more it drains the life out of you. I felt like I ran a marathon after finishing it. Check it out if you're morbidly curious because I wouldn't recommend this to my worst enemies and I imagine its what Satan makes his subjects in the deepest pits of Hell watch for the rest ... of eternity.

If you think I'm kidding I dare you to watch it. I just dare you.

This movie is some serious poo poo. The pacing is some butt. The characters are as paper thin as the scripting that went into this. And for the most part this movie has one of the worst story I've ever heard. The sound is horrible and sounds like one of those hanna barbera films in the 70s but this trashy movie was created one year before I was born, 1996!!! That's just sad. The intro to this movie is like 4 minutes long just going on about how the audience will enjoy the movie and how it was three years in the making, but something ... I just can't rap my head around is the fact that they just spoil the whole movie during that "little opening." I wouldn't recommend this trash to anyone. This isn't even a Dragon Ball rip off, it doesn't even deserve to be compared to that.

I don't even know how to start this one other than a 1/10 is mercy compared to what I just witnessed. THERE WILL BE SPOILERS, BUT HONESTLY, DO YOU EVEN CARE.

Worst shows of our generation such as Mar of destruction? Pupa? Glasslip? Green Green? At least they have the structure of some sort.

Super Child is definitely... something that is challenging and actively trying to make the audience hate every step of the way. Let's just say that this piece of.... work, no this... thing will give individuals what a true 1/10 or what a 0-star rating looks like. Because if an individual has been rating ... shows as such all these years and sees this, they definitely will have to go into the double digits of negatives. NEGATIVES I say.

Context for the Film-

To give a little background, Super Kid was a South Korean movie special that was taking advantage of shows such as First of the North Star and especially Dragon Balls popularity boost that was happening worldwide. From what I gathered, the studio ran into a tremendous amount of problems that lead them to be in development hell for 3 years, constantly switch staff, actors leaving and the budget being completely neglected. And what does this add up to... pure chaos of the horrendous and pathetic kind. I can't even be comical about it watching it because.. the content, or whatever it is, is not even trying.


Story-

Hhahahahaha. Yeah, what story?

The most basic part of the structure. What do have? Random trailers for the movie that was a part of the movie, which spoils everything you need to know. And this was in the official edit as in these trailers were apart of the movie. I thought I was watching something else until I realized other versions online had this same issue.

Then suddenly boom, We have flying cars, out of context fight scenes that have no bearing or progression, bad RoboCop rip-offs aliens, and a dumb space adventure. During the middle of the film, there some big bad that doesn't do anything, sad filler- I mean tragic developments and some out of nowhere comedy? More force filler down your mouth about some dumb generic message that makes children scratch their head. And the big bad is dead with some many dumb plot point, questions, and flat out characters not even being mentioned ever.

Feeling lost? Well, that's how I felt. They beat a big bad and basic elements never get resolve. Villans are just as stupid. It is a really poorly paced, directed and overall executed with the same finest as a pile of manure.

Character-

Wow... I...

You want to know the most memorable thing one of the characters said:
"MMHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHH" one from the main characters as they where in moderate agony. Kinda funny because I was practically laughing out historical insanity for what I was watching.

The "Super Kids" or whatever you wanna call them are just stupid, dumb, and slow to fill the plots needs. Even their name is generic and made to sell toys as one of them is named Big Boy. The others can be summarized Token girl, Smart one, generic protagonist, old dude, generic cowards. I'm losing my mind just talking about these characters. They got the whole line ready!

Art-

The only decently generic and normally bad thing about this movie, which in turn makes it unironically the only decent thing about it. It goes for a more "CAMERA" zoom feel to the film. Still bad because of those still as just... especially bad because of the aesthetic choices and liberties the film chooses to go after. Also doesn't help that when you have four different plot that also corresponds to five different tones and shading. It gives the film a certain feeling that there was no direction at all. I mean it does use a generalize animation type, but that is still horrible because it is just abstract distractions for how horrible

And finally sound-

Do you like knives tracing against a plate or nails on a chock board? Well, you've come to the right place if you want that but in such a needlessly dull and forced manner. I mean seriously. Why. It tries to go for a loony toon type feel with the sounds and effects but, just, no...

Enjoyment-

.... moving on


Closing thoughts-

And it's not so badly insane that it's good, oh no it is not, because it plucks out any hope of that with it's constant tone shifts that just baffles you to even process what is going on.Jokes and skits that even for it time where completely tone deaf and numb. So yeah they had ideas and money but no general soul for the viewers enjoyment, time or basic respect. Nothing challenging or complex to think about nor nothing fun to turn your brain off and the pretty things go "boom." Absolutely none of that. Which is one of the biggest things that generally bothers me about said product because yes, there were a multitude of products that definitely tried to ride the wave of shonen of this decade. A lot of them where mediocre to very bad. But at least those had at least some of the fundamentals down, this one is just a massive insult to the viewers because one, it has no idea what it wants to be but two, just spits in the viewers faces with insulting beats where it seemed like they are trying to grab the viewers money while running to the bank.

Is this the worst piece of media I have ever seen? No. Is it the worst anime I have seen? Possibly, but there are other shows that I am really not a fan of for a multitude of aspects. But what this film gets wrong is so evident that it makes it unwatchable for the viewer. Especially in the sound and mixing aspect. Halfway through the film I just I had to take off my headphones because of a migraine. Which is fitting with the overall feeling of "we practically don't care for our product" type atmosphere the film gave off.

I most definitely went through the five stages of grief. Got revived and realized that this... abomination was still a thing that was passed, approved and was sent out for young children to consume and suffer deep eternal scars from.


Overall Score 1/10

I'm not even gonna try to warn you because if you were not deterred by this review or others that share same pain, suffering and anguish, then you're probrably gonna watch the damn film anyways to see how bad it could get.

Hell, I would not wish this on those that I don't particularly are fond of. But if you are so hell-bent on destroying your perception of what is and something that can be truly considered a horrendous ground-dwelling creature for the darkest pits of Armageddon and destruction.

Then watch it. I don't care. But don't say that I did not warm you.

Terrible and transparent copy of DragonBall. Every idea has been lifted from some part of DragonBall prior to 1996. The main character is a (horribly designed) version of Goku. There's a Piccolo, a Krillin, a Roshi, a Yamcha, etcetera. It is surface-level theft, but every character is infinitely worse than what was copied. Goku now has bright orange hair that, for some reason, becomes straight like Paul Phoenix when he's angry. Krillin is obese, has a bald, flat head, and is obsessed with trying to get women. Their personalities are beyond a parody of themselves, and in the dub I watched, they were unimaginably annoying. ... While the "Super Kids" are about eight strong, only Goku, Krillin, Piccolo, and a rock golem do anything of consequence. The others are introduced and then decide to sit out the entire plot. The villains are all atrocious and share similar, lazy powers like infinitely stretching limbs despite being a giant elephant, a tentacle monster, and an orange gargoyle-looking demon.

The worthwhile ideas to take, that might have made sense if you wanted to take some inspiration from DragonBall without stealiing, are mangled beyond recognition, but also every negative cliché is magnified. Every fight drags on way too long and is full of terrible jokes. The movie knows it's awful and thinks the answer is to poke fun at its characters constantly, but it just makes it even more annoying to watch. Super Child (or Super Kids in the dub I watched) also goes on too long. It would be painful enough at forty minutes, but it is an hour and forty minutes of excruciating pain. While it is entertainingly bad sometimes, I do not understand how anyone thought this was a good idea. The most frustrating part might have been the music, a complete rip-off of DragonBall. It's one area that could have easily tried, but it didn't, which is a good description for the entire movie.

For those anime fans who grew up in the early 2000s, you may remember a time when Walmart carried a series of dollar DVDs packaged in thin cases from a company called Digiview Entertainment. Most of these were either old animated adaptations of Bible stories and fairy tales, but the most memorable of their library was a series of knockoff anime from Korea. These anime movies were riddled with some of the worst low-budget animation, terrible dubs, nonsensical stories, and some of the most blatant copying you will ever see in any medium.

Most of these productions were of the mecha variety, which is a ... genre of anime involving giant robots piloted by humans fighting off aliens or other giant robots. Think of the Megazord from Power Rangers or Pacific Rim. And if you're a masochist like me then you've seen all of these movies. I used to think the worst of the batch was Space Thunder Kids, a film that is literally just a stitched-up Frankenstein creation of a collection of other Digiview distributed productions. I'm not kidding. But at least Space Thunder Kids was enjoying in its jaw-dropping ineptitude. I was able to watch that movie three times and each time was more hilarious than the last because I got to introduce other unsuspecting victims to one of the strangest anime films ever made. But Super Kid isn't even worthy of torturing others because in the end, nobody comes out laughing after watching this shit.

Now Super Kid isn't actually a Digiview released film, but it does have all of the trademarks of one. The film was produced in Korea and features stolen ideas and even copied the art style of Akira Toriyama, the creator of Dragon Ball. I've had this movie on my radar for quite some time now because the idea of a cheap Korean knockoff of Dragon Ball sounds like it was made specifically for my enjoyment. The major problem is that a physical copy is extremely rare to find, and what uploads I found on YouTube were poorly digitally zoomed-in, which made the viewing experience distracting. Then I found out that this low-resolution digitally zoomed-in version is the only way to watch Super Kid. So I conceded. And it's rare for me to say that I had low expectations going in, and yet I'm still disappointed.

Here's the one positive I have to say about Super Kid that kept it from being one of only a handful of half-star movies I've seen: there was potential for an entertaining movie here. I'm serious. I'm a firm believer that if you're going to rip off a well-known property, at least have fun with it. And this story had the makings of something enjoyably riffable. Where it fails is in taking inspiration from the original Dragon Ball without understanding what made Toriyama's work funny. So not only does this thing have a bootleg Dragon Ball aesthetic, but it also has bootleg Dragon Ball humor. Nothing in this story is ever taken seriously and all of the characters are exaggerations of the most annoying Toriyama creations. So what we're left with is a story that builds up the possibility of world-shattering situations, but the outcome is always filled with painfully unfunny slapstick complimented by an overly exaggerated dub reminiscent of the comedic relief sidekicks in every 80's cartoon. Imagine if Toriyama wrote everything from the Saiyan Saga onward, but his writing ability never evolved beyond the early Kid Goku stories.

But the worst sin this movie commits is having a 105-minute runtime. The average runtime for one of these Korean anime is 75 minutes, which is palatable for any bad movie. A quick screenwriting tip: If you're going to intentionally write a bad movie, keep it under 90 minutes. Super Kid at least doesn't have a lot of padding, but with all of the characters at their disposal the writers never took the time to develop them, this causes a major problem during the finale, which feels cheap and lackluster. Just like the rest of the movie. This is a story that was clearly planned and fleshed out (at least more so than others of its kind), and this combined with some okay animation by the low budget standards of its predecessors Super Kid is the best in at least that category. But there's no charm, no hilariously bad animation, no nonsensical story, nothing of substance to laugh at with friends. And that brings me back to the runtime. Super Kid feels like an eternity. It took me almost a full day to finish and even then I had to start writing this review while I let it play on my phone in front of me because the chore of focusing on this thing for more than ten minutes was too much of a hassle.

If you want an enjoyable cheesy experience, look up Digiview Entertainment's library and watch any of its anime releases. Hell, I'd even recommend checking out Laserhawk. They're awful and I love them because of that. Meanwhile, Super Kid may be the worst anime I've ever seen, and that's saying a lot coming from the guy who makes it his goal to watch as many notoriously bad anime as possible. But at least most of the bad anime I've watched has had some semblance of enjoyment in their ineptitude. Even Dog Soldier, the most boring anime I've ever seen, was brief and left like a fart in the wind. Super Kid is the type of flick that lingers and festers. And just when you think it's hit its crescendo of shit it reaches new heights of sucking. Super Kid is that bad.