emperortopaz's Blog

July 21st, 2016
This is the Three-hundredth-ninety-ninth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.



*Topaz continues to climb up the super-high tower. He is nearing the building at the top, far above the clouds.*

Urrghh.. Ooofff... So.. Tiring.. Hard to... Summarize... But so... close...

*He eventually gets to the railing of the building and hops on. He pants as he sits for a short time.*

Man, I thought that was going to go on forever! I guess I got my exercise for the year, I hope.

*After resting he stands up and starts exploring. For some reason he doesn't find anyone.*

Hmmm... How unusual. I was expecting a girl to be at the top of the tower. Especially some type of catgirl, with a staff that they'd train me with.

???: I think that you've got the right franchise, but the wrong girl!

*Topaz is surprised at the female voice coming from behind him. He turns and sees a gigantic white bird with pink markings behind him.*

What the?!

???: I said you had the wrong girl in mind!

Well, there's that but I'm also surprised that you appeared and that you could talk.

???: Of course I can talk! I'm a person!

Are you some type of druid or...?

???: No, I'm...

*The bird lands beside Topaz and transforms. She becomes a human girl, though with big white wings.*

: NINA!

Doesn't ring any bells, sorry.

: WHAT?! But we had a lot of fun on our adventure together!

Nope.

: What happened, Ryu?

But I'm Topaz.

: Er, sorry about that. I guess your imprinting got to me. But still, you played my game so you should know who I am.

In all fairness I recently got trapped in crystal and lost my memory.

: Hey, something sorta similar happened to me too! Only I got transported through time and space. But don't worry, I had the other characters tell me how to produce the Tonic that saved me. And fortunately I happen to have all the ingredients here!

That's good, I was hoping I wouldn't have to reach into my pants.

: Couldn't you have worded that better?

Like "I didn't want to grab all the junk I keep in my pants?"

: I didn't mean MORE pervers as far as "better" goes!

*Nina goes over to a pot that happened to be simmering over a cooking fire.*

: Anyway, let's see here. I have to add some Root...

*Topaz watches her from the side.*

: P.Fish...

*Topaz snickers.*

"P".

: C.Nut...

*Topaz snickers more.*

"Nut."

*Nina starts to glare at Topaz being so immature.*

: and W.Ant.

*Topaz snickers.*

"Ant."

*He stops.*

Wait, that one isn't as silly.

*Nina stirs up the mixture and scoops it into a flask. She then hands it to Topaz.*

: Now drink this.

*He does so.*

: -but not all in one sitting. The P.Fish is poisonous, after all.

*Topaz falls to the floor, sweating profusely. A imagine scene of a cross section of his head causes fireworks to go off.*

: Are you alright?

*Topaz coughs a bit, but stands up with a determined thing.*

I have done a great wrong!

: What? Is the poison getting to your brain or something?

The exact opposite; I've never been thinking clearer! And I betrayed a friend last week. So I ask you, can you help him forgive me?

: Forgiveness is good, so I'll do anything you ask of me.

Allow me to massage your butt!

: WHAT?!

Massage your butt!

*The camera closes up on the winged princess's hiney, showing off it's surprising meatiness.*

: Get that camera out of there!

*The view returns to normal, and a cross-like anger mark appears on Nina's forehead. She tries to remain civil.*

: I won't do that. Try something else.

Well, I suppose that you can massage me instead.

: I don't know how that will help him...

-With your butt!

*Nina's eye twitches.*

: D-did I hear that right?

Of course!

: Then take THIS, you pervert!

*Nina slams her butt against Topaz's head, knocking him down and sitting on his face.*

MMMPHH!

: This is what perverts like you deserve!

*She continues to sit on his face for a few more minutes before getting up.

: There, did you learn your lesson?

I sure did. Asking for buttservice leads to buttservice!

: That's not what I was going for, but alright. And, as additional punishment you have to do my blog!

Alright. It's not like there's any other girls here. But don't think that you've got it just for that reason as...

Today's girl is:



Nina
from
Breath of Fire


...And she's a great girl!

: Thanks for that! Though it's a shame the picture isn't too great.

I know. It's a shame the series doesn't get a lot of art. Oh, and before anyone wonders while Nina is a franchise name I'll mainly be focusing on the original Breath of Fire. It's the one that I know the best.

Head
Hair: Nina doesn't have the best hair. It's short, barely reaching her shoulders in the back. It's also very curved, being spiked upward (especially in back). She has some hanging down on the sides by her ears and some in back. Nina also wears a headband, though she does have nice bangs. She does have a part with a long “middle” that's fairly common, but I suppose that in her time it was a lot less common. It's possible that her hair gets longer after a time skip, with the hairband being lowered and a more wispier-style. It does look like she's wearing some type of helmet or hat in her field sprite, but in battle her hair is really simplified. Overall not too bad but nothing outstanding either.
Grade: C+

Eyes: Nina has fairly fitting eyes. They're tarame and seem full of life and vitality, perfect for a healer. They're also a fair shade of blue, eventually matching her outfit which isn't bad. Her eyebrows do seem to change slightly in her older form, looking a little more mature. She also may have green eyes in some official art (or they put the wrong image on the page). She gets a lot more detail in the manga as well, but sadly she doesn't wear glasses.
Grade: B-

Face: Nina's face isn't bad either, being really cute but maturing slightly through plot. It is a bit basic, but matched a lot of faces from the time period. She has a somewhat noticeable nose, but it's not too bad in the game and manga. Not that it's hidden, but more that it fits her face well. She shows a lot of emotion in the manga as well, even if a good amount is anger. The angle of Nina's face does change between the two face sprites in the game so it looks like her mouth moves upward, but it's also because she has it open in her first one. Overall not bad. And the less we talk about the American box art the better...
Grade: B



Body
Build: Nina is a fairly nicely-shaped teen. That said it's possible for her to be 176 cm and 56 kg but I am uncertain about how accurate that is. But looking at her shape, she does look fairly thin. Especially around her waist. Her legs are fairly shapely, but that may just because Nina's outfit shows off her thighs. We do get a nice buttshot in the manga, showing that she has nice curve but it also removes her crack which is dumb. Of course the most noticeable things about Nina are her two wings. She was the first, and all Ninas that followed are part of the Wing Clan. They look really pretty and fluffy. I will also add that Nina becomes the token Airship as well, being able to become a gigantic bird to fly the party around. It's really cool, at least to me, but doesn't count as far as her score goes. Fortunately she still gets an alright score here.
Grade: B-

Breasts: This is one of the reasons I wouldn't consider Nina a “loli”. She doesn't have a flat chest. It's a bit more noticeable in the manga, especially when she's covering her otherwise bare chest with her arm (no nipples are seen). Her field sprite also seems to have a chest too, but I think that may just be her chestplate.
Grade: C

Clothes: Speaking of Nina's chestplate she does have a fairly cool outfit. It consists of a red leotard with high leg-holes and short sleeves, a gold chestplate with straps and decorations, blue thighhighs and almost knee-high red boots, and elbow-length white gloves. Once she becomes older her outfit becomes blue instead, which I do like more. Nina also wears various equipment, but like most games back then it didn't impact her battle or field sprites. That said she does still show her rapier, her weapon of choice. As far as the manga goes the only new outfit is some cute pajamas while sleeping. Helpful, but a bit more variety would have raised her score here more.
Grade: C+



Mind
Personality: Nina is very much your traditional JRPG white mage love interest. She's also a little bit spunky and independent, going off with a couple of soldiers to save her poisoned father (and king, making Nina a princess). They don't succeed but Ryu, the hero, comes to save them and defeats the Wizard that had poisoned her father. They return to her home city of Wyndia and Nina joins the party. She doesn't get too much characterization, that happens in older games, but another moment where she's a major part are the times where she gets involved with the Time Key. She gets trapped in a time portal trying to pull the key out and gets sent back in time several years. I guess she should have asked Lucca for help xD. But anyway, she develops amnesia and has to have the party find ingredients for a cure. After recovering she's able to become a Great Bird and also changes her attack animation. Her younger version teleports to the enemy and stabs it while the older version enhances the blade and swings at the enemy. I found it really interesting how it was changed. The final part I remember from her is the ending. Way back in the first quarter you have to deal with a giant dungeon-like robot, going into it and battling. However, it's implied that the robot has a mind of its own, disobeying the enemy's orders to attack the remaining twin town. Not only that, but after you shut it down for good the robot decides to help you by jumping into a volcano and allowing you to continue onward. Well, in the ending when you're returning characters back to their towns Nina stops at the volcano and pays her respects, even if silently. She then continues with Ryu to Wyndia and becomes the last member of the party to leave. Overall Nina is really quite likable, and the original one probably remains the one I know best (even if I've played III and IV). Oh and her hobby seems to be eating things, which is always cool but wasn't shown in the game that I can recall.
Grade: B

Libido: On one hand Nina is portrayed as Ryu, the lead's, main love interest. She doesn't admit it, though. She also doesn't tolerate perverts in the manga, attacking some Dark Dragons when they were caught watching her bathe in a lake (Ryu too). That said she is at least a bit more straightforward in that series. Nina seems to enjoy the wedding in the game too, and I guess I should count the fact that she can either give a massage or get a massage from an old creepy guy in Auria. I'm only mentioning that for completion, though (and there's a similar scene involving massages in a future game as well, IV I think.)
Grade: C

Age: Nina's official age is unknown. Or at least THIS Nina as the one from the second game is 17. Anyway, this Nina seems to start out younger than that, but gets transported back a few years and loses her memory. What I like about this is that it sorta gives her a bit of straight shota appeal as she does seem to be the main love interest (even if in the manga Bleu/Deis is flirtatious and the two butt heads a bit). Though it is unfortunate that they had to age her up, I guess.
Grade: B-

Total Grades: 59
Average score: 6.6
Final Grade: B-

And that's the blog for the week. What did you think?

: Better in some areas and worse in others. Sometimes the manga helped, while others it wasn't as helpful. Overall I guess I should be thankful since as a SNES sprite I wouldn't have had many points if not for that.

Right, even if I greatly enjoyed the game and have many fond memories. Especially because it was one of my first RPGs, and one of the few non-Nintendo ones I own for the SNES. But now what should I do with my newfound wisdom?

: Don't worry. I know exactly where to go. We shall visit the goddess of love. I'm sure that since you have recalled your memories you should remember her.

I don't know, there are a lot of lovely goddesses I know...

: I suppose so, but hop on as we fly upwards.

Further up than this?

: Yes. To the floating castle where she lives.

Sounds familiar somehow. But oh well. At least this way I won't have to climb up a pole.

*Nina becomes a bird and, with Topaz on her back, they fly upward. They eventually land on a floating island in the sky.*

Wow, this place seems really fancy! And so clean too!

: It should. Not many people are able to come up this way. Magic and machines are completely unable to come close to this place.

Isn't your transformation magic in a way?

: Apparently not. It doesn't cost MP anyway.

Fair point. So where is this goddess you keep on going on about?

: She's in here.

*They walk to a nearby (and only) building and enter. There, a girl with a large staff with a scorpion on it sits on a throne. She gets up when Topaz enters.*

: Welcome, keeper of Topaz. It has been a while...

I'm still not sure who you are.

: You do not recognize me? I suppose that I am not to your usual illustrations. Blame making it tradition to have original girls done in such a format. Except for that one Hiroko girl, but she had other differences. But I am MAY HYOU, goddess of Love and keeper of the Love Jade!

*The goddess May strikes a flashy pose. Sparkles appear before her face.*

Who?

*Both May and Nina pratfall from Topaz's confusion.*

: Grrr... Let's just say that we'll be changing a lot of things around her-NEXT TIME!
Posted by emperortopaz | Jul 21, 7:25 AM | 0 comments
June 23rd, 2016
This is the Three-hundredth-ninety-fifth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

: Welcome back everyone! And as you see I'll be the announcer this week.

Hey, whatever happened to Koto?

: She suddenly had to leave for some reason. Something involving Aldra-sama.

*Meanwhile, up in the VIP room Aldra is sitting on Koto's back.*

: Ufufu... Seems you're really enjoying this punishment.

: Of course, Aldra-sama. Everyone would love such tender care.

: I knew that you'd make the perfect slave. But I'm not as tender a queen as you may think..

*Aldra lifts Koto's skirt and starts smacking her fat butt.*

: AH AH AH!

*She secretly enjoys it.*

: Ufufu, it's so much fun to tease my subjects. But for now I'm going to keep sitting on your back for the WHOLE fight.

: Sounds wonderful, I'm such a lucky minion!

*Back to the main stage.*

: So anyway, I wasn't paying attention to the battles so far. Can anyone clue me in?

You're not as good as Koto, now are you. Anyway, for the past few weeks I've been climbing the tournament ladder.

: Though to be fair it's more like Mortal Kombat as Topaz has to face everyone in the competition.

Exactly. And we've been her at the Forge Arena as I nearly got disqualified because I had trouble finding it. I manage to beat both Setsuna and Centorea, and last week I had to fight Annelotte. It was a rough battle, but I managed to come through. As you can see. This time I have to face Undyne.

: Sup? Pssst, who are we talking to again?

: Topaz has some sort of "blog" where he talks about Anime girls.

: I see then. Reminds me of what Alphys writes then. But why am I here? Besides to defeat the horrible HUMAN!

*Undyne points to Topaz.*

: You will rue the day that you came to face me!

: I still find it silly that Topaz is doing Undyne. She breaks so many common rules. What's next? Some Overwatch girl? Shield Knight? Some other obscure video game character?

: Hey, wasn't her game voted #1 in some poll or something?

To be fair I wouldn't take GameFAQs as a reasonable judge of gamers.

: Just look at all the stupid whiny Americans! And Topaz is only one of those things.

Shhh!

: Who cares about poles, unless they're the kind that I can impale Topaz with!

I disapprove. Besides, we have to do the blog first!

: Why's that?

I'm not sure, but it's been that way since the first blog this month.

: I think Topaz mentioned something about wanting the girl to hear his thoughts and they often go away after the battle.

: Well then, I guess I just won't have a blog! WAHAHA!

: Oh no! Undyne just launched a powerful psychological attack on Topaz! How will he get out of this one?

Why bother?

: Wait, that's not what you are supposed to say! She may be a troublemaker but we still need to do a girl this week!

True, but we obviously can't do one on Undyne.

: Wait, why's that?

Because you're obviously not AWESOME enough to deserve one.

: GRR! I'll show you JUST how awesome I am! Fine then, do your stupid blog! Bet I'll score ALL THE POINTS! Gwahaha!

: I am surprised that worked, but I'm not complaining...

Anyway, since this girl is raring for battle let me introduce her by saying...

Today's girl is:



Undyne
from
Undertale


: Pssst, does he always say something so odd?

: Usually the links are better, but that's what he gets for using a non-Anime character. I just hope that he doesn't have to put any silly anime relations still...

: What do you say we get this blog on. I'm getting a little hot under the collar. Must be the summer heat.

*Juri tugs at her neckline to get a breeze of wind down her shirt.*

Well then, let's get on with the show!

Head
Hair: Undyne has a really strange hair style. It's pulled back all the way, and looks nearly bald in front most of the time. In fact, at first one could mistake it for part of a plume on her helmet rather than hair. Basically she has her hair pulled back in a ponytail, thought the animation in battle does have a cool bouncy, waving effect. In a certain run through her “powered-up form”, which I'll explain later, makes her ponytail spikier. Her hair is also a bright red, which isn't too bad (that's one of the reasons I thought it was a plume at first). Luckily it doesn't look bad on her, and in battle due to the monochrome enemies it appears white. Undyne does receive some help with a certain date-form, as in Alphys's date she actually styles her hair a bit different. Some of her hair is freed, and she places it over her left eye in a nice feminine style. Though it's completely possible that she's wearing a wig (especially as it's black in that part rather than white). Still, her uniqueness isn't completely bad, and as an aquatic-looking creature having any hair is a surprise.
Grade: C

Eyes: Undyne does not have great eyes for my tastes. One of the first things you'll notice is that she has an eyepatch over her left eye. I don't mind it too much as it makes her seem intimidating, and when in her “improved form” it starts to shoot out lasers! It fits with her personality well, is what I'm saying. What's less interesting is the fact that she has reptilian-like eyes, meaning that she has yellow sclera and vertical pupils. They do not look great, and I really dislike different colored scleras (and she eventually gets black sclera as well). She also wears heavy red eyeshadow, though in battle it's not detailed. Problems aside Undyne's eye shape isn't too bad; she does have a strong tsurime and her thick eyebrows don't look bad either. Overall she does have some problems I have trouble getting over, so she doesn't score too well here.
Grade: C-

Face: Undyne also has a pretty poor taste, though I blame some of that being in a sprite-based game. As you should be able to tell, she has blue skin and fins on the sides of her heads (where ears usually are). They're also blue with red markings, if curious. She does not have a nose, which is a good thing for my tastes, and her mouth is really big. Well, maybe not “really” but it's still large due to having big, yellow, and pointed teeth. Unfortunately her mouth and teeth are a big problem. For one, her upper lip is defined but as a result her side-profile makes her goofy-looking. Her teeth also look buck in both the sprite and most of her battle images. I think that they were trying to make it look like her mouth is constantly a bit open, but it's not a design choice I'd approve of.
Fortunately, the fact that the speaking boxes have character images-and the fact that they're well-emoted-helps Undyne out quite a bit. She has a lot of various emotions that are seen through there. Some of my favorites include a big toothy grin and a laughing version that's really humorous to look at. She also has a more reserve cat mouth-like one too. Overall these help her a bit, but Undyne really doesn't do too well due to her unusual looks.
Grade: C+

Body
Build: Undyne doesn't do too well here either. When we first see her, her body is mainly hidden by the large suit of armor she's wearing. That said, when we see her in a more relaxed outfit it's surprising to see she's so thin. Not in a bad way or anything, but I was expecting her to be more muscular. I guess that's due to the sprites not showing too much detail as she seems to be strong. Also, Undyne doesn't have too much of a feminine figure either. Her hips are a bit wide, but other than that she's skinny. As a plus she does seem to be fairly tall, easily taller than any of her love interests by at least a head or so. I'll also add that she's a fish-like humanoid monster, and Monster bodies in Undertale are somewhat unusual but that's not too important.
Grade: C

Breasts: Undyne has a very slight curve to her upper body, but I imagine that she's more muscular than anything.
Grade: C

Clothes: Finally we get to something Undyne doesn't completely bomb out on! But really, she does have some cool and interesting outfits. We first see her, as said before, in a cool suit of armor. It's black and due to how the location we see her in is she's well-shadowed. In general it's a heart-pounding escape sequence and she's made out to be extremely intimidating. Her helmet also has a glowing eye. In battle it sort of reminds me of armor from a certain long-running shounen anime, which kinda makes sense if you think about it. When in her upgraded “Undying” form her armor becomes spikier (especially on the shoulders and gauntlets). It also gains a heart decoration on the torso and smaller ones on the hands. Undyne also can create and throw big blue spears, presumably made out of energy.
When not in armor Undyne wears a lot of casual outfits. Her main one consists of a black tank top and blue pants with red shoes. It's hard to tell the details of the clothing due to the sprite work, but a lot of games are like that. For a date she also wars a white turtleneck and a black presumably leather jacket. In the ending at the beach Undyne wears a yellow two-piece bikini though the bottom looks more like shorts than a bikini bottom. Overall not too much, but more than I'd expect from a sprite-based RPG like this.
Grade: B-

Mind
Personality: As said, when we first see Undyne she's extremely intimidating. This is helped by having other characters build her up for you. During the chase scene there's a lot of goofy moments as well, with a running joke where Undyne gets interrupted by Monster Kid. She's also a fairly difficult battle no matter what, as in the route where you kill things she becomes Undyne the Undying. Other than a silly pun with her name this form shows how determined she is and how much willpower she has. She's extremely hot-blooded as well, which is awesome. Undyne is also honorable, refusing to attack those on the phone and trying to make excuses for hunting the human. She's also extremely passionate about things, always throwing her whole self into something. She even gets egged into becoming the Human's friend through taunting. She also helps out other monsters as well, and is the captain of the Royal Guard. In general she's a cool battle-loving girl. As more information, she doesn't like hot or cold weather (she even has a warm fridge), she may dislike sweet or sugary foods and soda, and she seems to dislike puzzles but enjoys Papyrus's japes. There's also a funny part where she wonders if Anime is real as she was told it defines human history. Luckily you can assure her that it is.

: Why? Is anime NOT real?

I think it is.

: How can you be sure?

Besides all the girls around that are from anime, you mean? Let's see... Personally I've ridden in a mecha, rescued an alien princess from the clutches of a demon king, and seen gigantic swords and magical girls.

: That sounds AWESOME!

That it is. But overall Undyne is a really great, well-defined character that I wanted to blog about. While I probably forgot some things, she's a great battle-loving hot blooded girl with both humorous and caring sides.
Grade: A-

Libido: Undyne has pretty good libido, even if she's more innocent. She's too scared to give her meganekko girlfriend Alphys a note for a date, which leads to confusion. She then interrupts said date when Alphys thinks the main character wrote it instead. In the end scene they nearly kiss, but another character tells them not to kiss in front of the Human. Fortunately Undyne still gives Alphys a kiss in the good ending credits, showing both their love and that Undyne is in the lead. Undyne also goes on a date with the racially-blank Tumblr-gendered Human, giving the Human a lesson in cooking. The cooking becomes so hot and intense that Undyne's house burns down! Wait, perhaps I should have put that better... Oh, and because her house is on fire Undyne goes over to her friend Papyrus's house. While friends they don't seem to have any romantic feelings and are purely platonic.
Grade: B-

Age: Undyne's age is unknown. I'd say that she'd be in the late teens or twenties (considering she's the captain of the Royal Guard), but I can't be sure. Monster ages are strange, as are their romances, in this game. Apparently she also followed a currently-aged turtle on his adventures when she was younger.
Grade: B

Total Grades: 57
Average score: 6.3
Final Grade: C+

And that's the blog for this week!

: FINALLY! Now we can actually fight!

You don't have an opinion on the score?

: No. Why, is it really low or something?

: It's on the low side, yes.

: TOPAZ! Now I have another reason to destroy the likes of you! Now, prepare to take my spears!

*Undyne summons spears in various patterns on the ground, spiking them up. Topaz has to roll around, but he avoids them.*

: Looks like the battle has finally started, with Juri sending out a flurry of attacks!

*Crowd cheers.*

: Thank you for the cheering, I'm glad to be considered your champion!

You won't be the champion much longer, as I'll dethrone you! Then I'll face off with Aldra and get her to stop her plans!

: Don't think it will be as easy as you are thinking. Especially if I do THIS!

*Undyne swipes Topaz with a green-colored spear. He is unharmed, but he gains a green heart symbol on his chest.*

Oh no! My hitbox!

: Gwahahaha! Now I have you!

*Topaz attempts to move, but cannot.*

Now I'm stuck!

: She SLASHED you and now you can't move? Man, it's like that one jungle-based robot master in seven all over again! But I thought that green meant you were good at DODGE-ing!

Maybe, but I sure couldn't teach it!

: I blame Gohan being a poor student, perhaps...

: Seems like Topaz is in quite a pickle! Pun unintended. But without his high evasion skills how will he EVER be able to avoid Undyne's spears now?

: Ufufu... I have you now!

*She creates a floating spear and sends it flying in slow motion at Topaz.*

: Hopefully a plumber will leap at it and redirect it! (Hopefully I haven't been making too many references this blog...)

*As the spear is about to hit Topaz he remembers the girl from last time.*



*A shield is created just in time, knocking the spear away.*

: WHAT THE GARBAGE?!

: Looks like Topaz has finally used his Mimicry powers. As a result Undyne's powerful spear attack was blocked by his great shield!

: Seems that Topaz has a few more General abilities than I thought... Wait-that joke w-wasn't intentional!

Looks like I thwarted your attack, Undyne!

: That's right, I should just give up and-NOPE! Don't think that a simple SHIELD will get you through this! En GUARDE!

*Undyne surrounds Topaz with spears, attacking one by one. As a result of the floating shield seeming to move how he wants he's able to block all of them.*

That's not how you spell that.

: You must be joking if you think I CARE!

*Undyne starts using odd attacks, redirecting the spears at the last moment. Still, Topaz seems to be blocking them. His heart beats heavily, as if his demon form is trying to get out.*

I can block all day!

: Be careful! Remember that you were able to break through Annelotte's shield with Centorea's strength. Undyne might be the same!

Don't worry, I'll just leave the screen. That way I can get all the dragon's treasures!

: This isn't Shadowgate!

: Plus if you leave the arena you are disqualified.

Holy glasses, forgot that part! Guess I'd better think of a better idea-and QUICK!

*Undyne's attacks continue, though they seem slower for some reason. She pants as she speaks.*

: I'll... break through... this shield! Or my name is not UNDYNE!

*With a burst of power Undyne breaks through the sheild with a charge. However, at this moment Topaz's green-heart status runs out and he barely evades.*

Phew. That was a close one. I nearly got kabobed!

: I have a feeling that's not a real word. And don't be too careless, Undyne may be planning something!

: T-that's.. right... oof.

*She falls face-first to the ground.*

: What the?!

: HOW?! Did you see that folks? Topaz just defeated Undyne. I think. He didn't actually attack at all, but somehow she fell to the floor!

I imagine it's because of the Forge Arena. Aquatic bodies such as Undyne and Juri seemed to be sensitive to the blazing flames and molten metal.

: I was just thinking this land was fairly HOT.

: True. I'm sweating and I wasn't even fighting! Even my BUTT is sweaty!

: Too much information.

I'm sure SOME reader will enjoy that. But it looks like I won this one.

: Don't say that yet. This is a battle to the death, so there's no count down!

I remember Koto saying something like that. But even when the girl obviously can't fight more?

: I want to do something, but those are Aldra's rules. She even mentioned something like...
: Of COURSE you should attack those that can't fight back! Use every VICIOUS ADVANTAGE you have!


You know, that impression was spot-on...

: Mmmbbb-blkkk...

This is no time to be impressed, Undyne needs my help! But what do I have that can quench her thirst?!

: This is beginning to sound like sponsored content. But I doubt it as Topaz didn't bring home another bag of money.

: Looks like you only have a few more minutes left! What will you do, Topaz? Leave your opponent to die, or forfeit and save a life?

NEITHER!

*Topaz gets under Undyne's body and tries to pull her away on his back.*

I'll help her-URK! Back... breaking... words... difficult to get out-KYA!

*However, she seems to be too heavy and he falls to the ground. He is able to get out of under her and stand back up.*

What can I do?

: What about one of your many items?

I don't think a picture of lolis or a rabbit's foot will be much use, Ririchiyo. If only some sort of refreshment would fall from the sky!

*Suddenly a vending machine falls from the sky and into the arena. Everyone is shocked.*

: D-did that REALLY just happen?

I WISH ATTRACTIVE MEGANEKKOS FELL FROM THE SKY! No dice? Figured as much.

: Stop joking around and do something!

Fine then... Hmmm, let's see here.

: Why are you even taking so long?

Well, the Fresh Water is more economical but the Lemonade heals more overall...

: We don't have time to go shopping, Topaz. Just pick one!

Fine then!

*Topaz kicks the machine and a can comes out. He then pours it on Undyne.*

Wow, I'm lucky that this was water and not, say, coffee.

*Undyne coughs but picks herself up.*

: Just like the other human... Perhaps humans are not as cruel as I had expected.

: There are plenty of cruel humans, but Topaz certainly isn't one.

: And from those dishonorable rules it seems Aldra is a cruel one. Seems like I have a SPEAR to pick with her. But for now, it seems that our battle is over.

*Undyne hops down from the arena.*

: You can't, like, just GIVE UP like that!

: I'm not “giving up”. Topaz outlasted my attacks, and I don't want to be in this blasted place for one more minute.

*She leaves, only to be confronted by three other shadowy figures backstage.*

: Who are you two?

???: Our names are not important.

???2: All that matters is that you, like us, have a dislike for Aldra.

???3: We are going to strike after Topaz has weakened her in battle. Can we count on you?

: You mean get back at the one that made me fight in such a warm place, knowing I might faint? Then LEAVES me for dead? YEAH I'm going to want to face her!

*The four of them slink back to the shadows.*

: Congratulations, you've finally won the Colosseum matches for once!

Hurray! Though I do wonder how that vending machine came flying through...



I guess that's a matter for another day though. Looks like I'll finally be battling Aldra!

*In the VIP room*

: MENACE! Nothing you've done has gone right! Each of these “Honor blades” have fallen without Topaz even breaking a sweat or into his demon form. I mean sure, that Annelotte form did have a bit more power and I could feel his demon side trying to come out, but we need physical proof! And it's all YOUR fault!

*Aldra turns and points, but sees Airi standing next to her instead.*

: My apologies. *looks around.* Where did Menace go? I have to have a TALK with her.

: Is it like my punishment “talk”? Because it was enjoyable!

: Shut up, you SLAVE!

*Aldra kicks Koto in a sexy dominant fashion.*

: OHH!

*She secretly enjoys it.*

: Ah-HEM. It seems that Menace has left. She's right THERE!

*Airi points to the arena.*

: Hmmm, seems she's going to face Topaz herself. Fine, I'll let her mistakes slide if she makes him use his demon form.

*Back on the arena floor, where Topaz is surprised to see Menace.*

: What's this? Another competitor?

: I am not a competitor. But I have come in place of Aldra-sama.

You can't just change the prize like that.

: Do not worry. You shall face Aldra-sama, but first you shall have to get through ME!

: ANOTHER battle?! Man, if we're going to stay here I'll have to get some type of refreshment.

: Koto will be joining us again next time, and the battle is switching locations.

Not again!

: At least they're telling you ahead of time this time!

Fair point. Where is it?

: We shall face each other in the Terrain Arena. And we shall battle next week, as is natural for your blog.

Seems we've got a girl for next time. I'll be seeing you readers then!
Posted by emperortopaz | Jun 23, 8:25 AM | 0 comments
December 3rd, 2015
Welcome back everyone. Last week we found out a lot of information and blogged about Eirin. Thanks to Topaz's help I was able to escape her kicking us out and met with Kaguya.

: That's me!

Certainly. And as promised last week...

Today's girl is:



Kaguya Houraisan
from
The Touhou Series


: Woo hoo! Topaz is finally going to blog about me!

: Don't celebrate yet. We don't know if he'll say anything unsightly or something!

: It's alright. I imagine that Empry will give Kaguya the proper treatment she deserves.

: Thanks Topaz! Yaaaayyy!

*Kaguya runs back and forth.*

: Calm down this instant! You'll knock something over!

*Kaguya takes a proper sit.*

: Bubu. You never let me do anything fun.

At least she's letting me blog about you.

: I am, but after that I'll kick you out!

: Such anger. What if Empry is still in pain?

: He's ALWAYS a pain! Er, but I guess I know of another nurse that he can talk to. We'll see after.

Well then, let's get going!

Head
Hair: Kaguya has the best hair in the Touhou universe. Not only that, but she has my absolute favorite hairstyle in general. She has a black hime cut with really long hair in back. Her hair is about waist-length, but there are times where it seems longer. Of course her main attribute is her hime cut, befitting a pure Japanese beauty like her (even if she is from the moon). She has long sides as well, going about to her chest and, while they don't always cover her ears, still greatly frame her face. It's hard to compare to such gorgeous beauty. About the only flaw, if you can even call it that, is that Kaguya does not wear a hat. While not as big of a deal now this made Kaguya really unique when she first came out as pretty much every other character had one. That said it's nothing too major and she looks absolutely amazing anyway so I wouldn't say her hair is anything but perfect.
Grade: A+

: I do TOO have a hat!

*Kaguya puts a pair of panties on her head.*

: Homuhomuhomu!

: Stop that this instant! Act like the princess that you are, or you'll give Topaz a poor impression!

: Fiiiinnneee....

*Kaguya puts the panties back in the drawer.*

: Right, you don't want to be arrested for being a local pervert!

: But I'm from the moon...

: Foreigners are strange.

: Wait a minute, you always wear kimonos.

: That I do.

: So whose panties are those? And why do they have phoenixes on them?

: N-no reason! *averts eyes.*

: KA-GU-YA HOU-RAI-SAN! You better not be going out without my permission!

*Kaguya whistles innocently.*

: I think at this point you'd better continue the blog...

Eyes: Kaguya is said to have dark brown eyes. This is a shame as they almost look red, which would have been nice with her black hair. That said the difference is barely there and some fanartists give her red eyes anyway. I also don't mind brown too much, either. Shape-wise her eyes are similar to Eirin's, but Kaguya's seem much softer due to her natural beauty.
Grade: B

: That reminds me of something that I can use to help my score get higher.

*With a quick flourish Kaguya pulls a pair of folded glasses out of her sleeve. She then opens them up and places them on her head.*

: Ufufufu. With this I'll get an even higher score!

As great as those are, I sadly cannot factor them into my blog. That would be unfair.

: Buuuuu... But they're even red frames which look great with my hair.

Agreed!

: Feel like giving me even a bit more? Huh? Huh?

*Kaguya adjusts her glasses quickly and repeatably, in an obnoxious factor.*

: Wait, is this why you wanted me to make you glasses?

: Gerk! Errrr....

*She averts her eyes and touches her pointer fingertips together. Eirin sighs from her ojousama's displays.*

: Why don't you get on with the blog, Topaz...

Face: Sadly, for a girl that's treated as extremely beautiful in canon I don't see why Kaguya is so different from any other Touhou girl. Not that she looks bad, it's just that there's a lot of similarities. That said I do appreciate Kaguya's small nose and features, and even in the main games she does look very pretty (which is no small feat).
Grade: B+

: How unusual. Many men have been charmed by Kaguya-hime's beauty, but you seem to not appreciate it as much.

She is very beautiful, especially for a Touhou character. However, there are girls from other series that I find more beautiful.

: But hers is a beauty that drives men wild! Helen of Troy, whose face has launched a thousand ships, pales in comparison! What sort of standards could you possibly have?!

Well, you see-

*Kimiko interrupts.*

: The lazy kind. You see Empry would rather not look for one of the devoted items to marry her. He knows that he is not worthy of such beauty, and as a result would rather indirectly insult the princess.

: I see then. You are fortunate that your friend here gave such a likely reason for your excuses.

: He should touch my cheeks to prove how soft they are!

: Wait. You mean the ones on your face, right?

: of course!

: Do not suggest that Kaguya-hime is as depraved as you two are!

As much as I would like it, I would rather not mar her beauty with my commoner hands.

: Fair reasoning. But you shall make it up to her by continuing the blog.

Don't worry, I shall do just that!

Body
Build: Unfortunately, unlike a the above areas Kaguya is not as friendly to my blog. Her body is difficult to tell due to the kimono she wears. She does at least seem slim, and she does seem to have nice legs from the rare occasion we've seen them. There's also question that in one of the games she uses the "Seamless Ceiling of Kinkaku-ji" which is a temple ceiling made of one huge board. I bring this up because one of the books says she lifts this by HAND which may show how strong she secretly is. Still, I wouldn't mind to see more of Kaguya.
Grade: C

: Zettai would love my slender body far more!

True, except that he'd love your butt to be bigger.

: Please! Don't put such thoughts in the head of my innocent Kaguya-hime!

Hey, she thought of it first last week!

: I bet I could use the power of Eternity to make my butt infinite!

That MAY be slightly too big for Zettai.

: Surprises can happen, as I never would think those words would be uttered!

: True. I imagine being middle school-size would be best for him.

: Certainly, much like Reika who is another "beauty"!

: GWAH! I still don't like how the American FLUB gave her the horrible name of "Chloe". I mean, what kind of dumb name is that for the traditional Japanese girl!

I know! They picked horrible names! But this is about Kaguya and not about some silly Glittery girls, so let's continue with her.

Breasts: Much like a lot of other Touhou characters, Kaguya's chest size is unknown. Her images aren't helpful and in general her robes hide her body shape a lot. She's kind of like Patchouli in that way. Personally I believe that she's a flat Japanese beauty. Not quite loli-flat, but enough to look beautiful in kimonos and fitting of her body size. Fan art tends to agree, with Kaguya being mainly flat (there's some odd image that may exist, but they're few and far between especially compared to other characters).
Grade: C

: Speaking of breast sizes-

: Kaguya-hime, leave this matter aside once and for all!

: NO! I must find out the mystery that has haunted me for nearly 300 blogs. Topaz, I ask of you: What is Patchouli's chest size?

: I'm curious as well!

I can't say. I swore to her privacy!

: What's the worse that could happen?

: An age old question gets an answer and one side takes that as evidence that they were right all the time.

: Well then, at least whisper it to me.

I suppose... whisper whisper

: Hey! I can't hear!

: I see I see. It's the opposite of what I was expecting.

: Are you satisfied now?

: Yes, the mystery is safe with me.

: This seems unfair!

You could always ask her yourself.

: I have, but she always slaps me, scolds me for getting into her library, and blasts me out a window with magic.

: You'd think you'd learn after the first time...

I admire her determination, though I should get back to the blog.

Clothes: Like a lot of Touhou characters Kaguya's wardrobe is pretty simple. She wears a pink heavy kimono with white bows down the front and a white collar. Her skirt is burgundy with golden designs. She also has a white under skirt, so you can imagine how difficult it is to appreciate the beauty of her body. That said, kimonos DO look really nice on her. She is a classic Japanese beauty, after all. Luckily for Kaguya I researched a bit of the Inaba manga and found out she wears a few alternate outfits, so good for her! As an example, in one chapter she has a frilly one-piece swimsuit when she's sitting in a kiddie pool. In another chapter she's getting ready to go to a party at the Scarlet Mansion and she puts on things like cat ears and paws, a gothloli dress and another frilly dress, and a boyish outfit with both a necktie and tiny hat. These little moments did well to help her out, though I do hope that there wasn't any that I missed. She also owns a spacesuit, which she dressed Aya in during a lunar exhibition in a book.
Grade: B-

: If only my noncanon lack of panties would help here...*sighs*

: You need to act like a princess and get such perverse ideas out of your head. I blame the computer wrecking your sense of modesty.

: I wouldn't mind if Kaguya was less modest in her dress.

I agree. Just imagine her great classic Japanese beauty in a maid outfit.

: Or Miko!

Or a sukumizu!

: Or a Chinese dress!

Both Topaz and : PANTYHOSE!

: I don't know if I should be fascinated or disturbed by how similar your minds work...

Similar to other brains, I'm guessing.

: Yeah, shouldn't you know that as you're a doctor and all?

: That's not what I meant, and stop getting sidetracked Topaz!

Fine fine...

Mind
Personality: I described Kaguya's backstory along with Eirin (sorta) last week, but I'll still go over it. Kaguya was a princess of the moon, but by working together with Eirin she create the Hourai elixir, an immortality potion. This was against the law so she was executed. And executed, and executed. Eventually they caught on to the whole “she's an immortal” thing (though hopefully Kaguya didn't feel pain during these times) and they decided to exile her to Earth. She's since been allowed to return, but refuses as she enjoys spending time on Earth. As far as Kaguya herself, she seems to be carefree but refined at the same time. Her conversation skills are dated, which considering her age isn't that surprising (but it would be cool if she spoke ojou-like). In the Inaba books she's a bit more innocent and naive, which makes her extremely cute. Because Kaguya spent so long in Eientei she's often said to be a hikikomori or NEET who shuns outside interraction, but this isn't true as one of the books says she wants to leave and experience the world. I do like this personality as I can identify with it. She also asks for Eirin's help during her battle, but Kaguya isn't useless as she joins Eirin in HER final battle as well. And of course we can't talk about Kaguya without discussing “Kaguya-hime”, or the Story of the Bamboo-Cutter. In it a bamboo-cutter finds the young infant Kaguya-hime and her interactions with the Emperor (after many failed suitors) and she reveals that her unworldly beauty is because she's from the moon. Though I am cutting it short, the story is very much like Kaguya Houraisan's.
Kaguya has the vague ability to control the eternal and the instantaneous. Both are time-control abilities and are pretty hard to wrap my mind around the exact properties, but Kaguya can keep ancient buildings like new and time stop and other cool things like that. Surprisingly Kaguya has the second-highest amount of Spell Cards, at 41, with the first being Satori at 76 (who copies your partner's spell cards and thus has a lot of different varieties). This isn't counting the Shoot The Bullet spin-offs, though. The reasons Kaguya has so many is that she uses her Impossible Request items (yes, she had them all the whole time, making the requests truly “impossible”) as well as Divine treasures even BEFORE using her true powers of eternity. These include *deep breath* a Jewel from the Dragon's Neck, Buddha's Stone Bowl, Robe of Fire Rat, Swallow's Cowrie Shell, and the Jeweled Branch of Hourai. She adds the Lunar Ilmenite, Red Stone of Aja, Seamless Ceiling of Kinkaku-ji, and something called “Mysterium”. And yes, I imagine that the Jojo reference is intentional considering the first game references ACDC turning one person into a bomb through their blood (though I just know that through research). I'll also add that in Labyrinth of Touhou her ability to completely ignore enemy defenses with multi-target moves and ability to cause a second character to act are both really good. Kaguya may fall short of being one of my favorite Touhou characters, but she's definitely high-ranked.
Grade: A-

Libido: Sadly Kaguya doesn't do as well here either. Much like other Touhou girls there isn't much shown. She is pretty close to Eirin, who serves Kaguya faithfully but sadly not in the femdom sense (or maybe it is too, I can't be sure). There's also the fierce rivalry Kaguya has with another immortal Mokou, though considering they actively send assassins after the other it's a bit less loving than other rivalries. It is a bit of a softer rivalry in certain series, like the Inaba books. There's also technically all the suitors that were after Kaguya, but considering she sends them off on impossible tasks I imagine she was less than excited to be in a relationship with any of them.
Grade: C

: W-WHAT? Me and Mokou, my most hated rival? Being YURI together?! What nonsense!

But that always seems to happen with hated enemies. Plus it's not like either of you are going anywhere anytime soon either.

: Harumph!

*Kaguya pouts cutely.*

: Hey, doesn't she remind you of Ririchiyo when she talks about you?

What do you mean?

: Like when Riri gets angry at you and stuff. She has a similar facial expression.

I don't see it...

: Either way you'd better apologize!

*Meanwhile*

: WAAACHOOO! Hmmm, someone must be talking about me. Good things I hope. And I hope that it's Topa-Er, why am I thinking of him now. I need to stop that, or my arhythmia will act up again.

*Back at Eientei*

: Thanks for the apologies.

You're welcome. I thought that my back was going to give out from bowing so much.

: You need a stronger back. Tell Riri to eat more to make her butt heavier.

Hmmm, great idea. But for now I need to finish up Kaguya's blog.

: Only one more area to go!

Age: Kaguya is ageless, and much like Eirin she's at least 1300 years old. Also like Eirin it's been hinted at that Kaguya is hundreds of millions of years old. Luckily Kaguya doesn't seem as phased by this as her friend is.
Grade: A+

Hmmm, if Kaguya and Eirin are the same age, why is the latter the only one that gets angry at it being mentioned?

: I'm comfortable with my age, and my beauty is timeless as well.

: I get tired of being called a "hag" due to the "Ya" in my last name, like some other characters.

I see then, so you don't have a problem with your age then?

: Not as much as I might have made it seem like last time. But that does NOT excuse people calling me a "hag". That's just cruel.

: Especially for someone who is "Forever 17".

: Exactly-HEY!

Total Grades: 73
Average score: 8.1
Final Grade: B

: Hmmm. That's an interesting score.

Any particular reason?

: Well, I'm around where your favorites score, but is there any reason I'm not one of your top ones?

: Empry is as stubborn as he is lazy. As a result he hasn't changed his favorites from the first game he played.

: But Reisen!

: She's on there for... other, NAUGHTIER reasons...

: I do suppose that she's a useless bunny only good for her sex appeal.

: I HEARD THAT!

*Reisen walks in.*

Hey, weren't you having foot pain last week?

: I did, but I put some Oinkment on it. Eirin's medicine really does wonders.

Don't you mean "ointment".

: No, it's apparently pig-based.

: Enough fooling around here. It's time for you two to go!

: WAIT! Accept this gift for making it to me. Not many people do so.

: Well, you are a final boss...

*Kaguya takes out a bracelet of some sort and straps it to Topaz's wrist.*

Awesome, I got another item!

: You're really making a haul recently.

True. Though I will say that it seems old.

: W-what? It's certainly not something that I've been trying to get rid of for ages...

And it looks like a hunk of junk...

: That just means that it's ancient. Older than old. A real treasure!

And it smells funny.

: What odor? You don't want it because it SMELLS funny? That's the smell of HISTORY!

: It is wise not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

: Besides, it's not like Kaguya smuggled that inside her butt for years trying to get it to you.

If she did, I'd hope that she'd give it to Zettai instead.

: Fufufu. You are always so silly. I'm going to miss you.

: Indeed, it is time to say goodbye. But don't worry, we'll meet again some day.

You mean it?

: Of course. I mean, you have to pay me SOMETIME. But for now...

*Eirin opens a transportation gate.*

: Go back!

*She pushes Topaz through and closes it.*

: Hey! You shouldn't have that power! That's Yukari!

: But it's a simple ninth level spell, and I'm a mage.

: Fair excuse.

: And don't worry. I sent him to go meet with a nurse that appeals to him better. Well, school nurse anyway.

: Sounds like a facesitting good time! I'm so jealous.
Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 3, 2015 8:06 AM | 0 comments
July 30th, 2015
Anime Relations: Final Fantasy
This is the Three-hundredth-forty-eighth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone. We're currently up high in the sky on Captain Liliana's ship. I managed to save Ririchiyo, but in the mean time got cornered myself. Luckily a certain video game hero has come to save us!

: And I know who it is! Can you let me tell them?

: Tell me too!

Sure, but first let's spoiler it so the surprise isn't spoiled!

: Wait, so you're saying you're using the spoiler for it's proper use and not just to build suspense.

Uhhhh...

: I knew it... Anyway, the girl who saved us was...

Posted by emperortopaz | Jul 30, 2015 9:49 AM | 0 comments
December 4th, 2014
This is the Three-hundredth-fourteenth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Ririchiyo and Rika are relaxing once again in Topaz's living room. Suddenly Kimiko bursts in, a phone on her shoulder.*

: GUESS WHAT!

: If you're going to say you can save a ton of money...

: No. Plus I already used that joke. My Touhou contacts have finally found Topaz!

& : WHAAAAATTTTT????

: Where is he?

: Uh huh. Yeah. Where is he? *she pauses for the other caller to finish.* He's in the Land of the Dead. *to caller* Wait, really?

*Riri looks concerned while Rika is annoyed.*

: Don't worry, Ririchiyo. Topaz is still alive. He just needs us to go rescue him first! *to caller* And thanks for the news, I'll be sure to keep in touch. *hangs up phone*

: This sounds complicated.

: It isn't. All it will take is a simple teleportation spell. Their Land of the Dead seems to have a lot of leeway.

: Must be a revolving door...

: Wait. Then, if it's so easy to get into why didn't you find him when you searched?

: I can't go to the Land of the Dead. They're making a special exception for the occasion.

: *irritated* And just what did you do to cause the Land of the Dead to kick you out?

: I might have... sort of... Stalked Komachi...

*Rika sighs and facepalms.*

: You'd understand if you saw her! Those great perfect orbs, as if sculped by the heavens themselves...

*Rika kicks Kimiko in the shin.*

: Enough of your dumb fantasies! Is there anywhere else you're banned from going? For future reference, of course.

: I can't go to the underground hot springs any more...

*She remembers the reasons why.*


: Hey, let me guess. It involves breasts in some way.

: Sort of, in a way.

: Pervert...

: That's fine, I just want to find Topaz. Er, because I want to scold him for his thoughtless behavior! (I can't tell them the real reason...)

: It might take a week to get there, or at least until the end of the blog.

: Well then, let's hope that he starts talking about a girl soon!

===Meanwhile===

*In the Land of the Dead, Topaz approaches a desk with a chair rocking back and forth. The chair is facing away from him, and the girl in the chair begins to speak.*

???: So you're the still-living person who arrived in Komachi's boat...

That I am, they call me...

*The girl turns the chair in an epic fashion.*

: Do you think that I, the Yama of this realm, do not know all that pass through it? You're EmperorTopaz, blogger of girls.

Sounds like I'm popular down here. Must be Aya's articles.

: Do not take my power of the Yama lightly. In order for you to leave, I must first judge you.

What a coincidence, I could judge you right back.

: W-what? You do not have such powers!

Well, not to the amount that you have. My numbers are likely more arbritrary, but I'm sure you'd score well.

: Hmmm, although your blog is mostly cosmetic, I cannot say I am not curious to hear your thoughs. Please entertain me. This is a good deed you can do right now.

Well then, I hope it won't send me to hell but-

: I assure you, nothing you will say will change your stay or leave here. My answer will be unchanged.

What? You've already decided what to do with me?

: I have. After years of reviewing I've gotten quite fast at it. Do not think I am sloppy though, I have weighed the options clearly. I am just curious as to what one such as yourself thinks of me.

Well then, it seems that...



(Note: I may be using fanon/personal opinions about Touhou characters)

Also, I'd like to add that her name has many translations. These include "Shikieiki", though it should be two words, and "Sikieiki", as she was first translated as. Japanese can be complex sometimes. So which would you prefer?

: Call me by my title: Yamaxanadu.

That sounds like a long and complicated name. I'll just call you Shiki.

: *sigh* I suppose I did know that you were lazy... I have not qualms with it, though.

Well then, let's get on with the blog!

Head
Hair: Shiki has greenish-blue hair, being more green than blue. It's a cool color, and one that's not too common. Speaking of not too common, she has about two different hair lengths in that the hair on the right side of her head goes past her shoulder while the left side is cut short. The left is nearly boyish as well, showing her ear, but not on the right. It's hard to tell exactly how long her hair is, but in the manga she seems to just be a long side-bang. Speaking of bangs Shiki's are pretty nice. I'm not too fond of the part in the middle though, she deserves a true hime cut rather than two parathesis.
Of course, we can't forget about one of Shiki's most notable features: her hat. Shiki's hat is one of the most ornate and fanciest hats in all of Gensokyo. It looks like a crown, having gold decorations and crown "tips" around a blue fabric. It also has a blue belt around a white cloth. Finally, she has a red-and-white ribbon, with the right being red on top and white on bottom while her left is the opposite. I really like her hat.
Grade: B+

Eyes: Unlike Komachi last week, Shiki has not been in any fighting games. As a result we're mainly stuck with the main game and some manga moments (having a Touhou character get forced to use their game is not a good thing). She doesn't have special eyes, and about the only big thing is that her eye color is a bluish and looks somewhat similar to her hair.
Grade: B-

Face: Like with eyes we don't have a great source for Shiki's face. At least she faces forward, which is sort of special compared to other characters. As with most Touhou characters she does have fairy small features, though it's possible that Shiki is somewhat pale (at least to me). One notable thing is that she'll keep a patient smile when scolding people, unlike some fan sources where she's quick to anger.
Grade: B-

Body
Build: Like a lot of Touhou characters, Shiki doesn't have a set way for people to draw her. Shiki herself may be one of the biggest differences. You see, a lot of the time she's portrayed as a short girl, and that's the way I see her as well. However, this is a product of sprite limitations (her hat takes up some of the area) as she seems to be as tall as Komachi. Considering Komachi is quite tall I was surprised by this, even going against canon to think of Shiki as still being a short girl. Nothing wrong with lolis, after all. I like the extra contrast. Her height also appears a lot shorter in the Grimore of Marisa as well. Of course, either way we don't have much to go on. She does seem somewhat stocky, but I blame that on a possibly thick outfit. For some reason, Shiki DOES have one unique feature in fanart: she's a leg girl. I'm sure at least one of my friends will appreciate that...
Grade: C+

: Hmmm... Seems that writing this blog is difficult.

Well, I don't have much to go on. Perhaps if you show me your body...

: *Blushes and covers herself* W-WHAT? HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A THING!

I don't mean you have to get naked or anything. I meant you should get out from behind that desk. I can't see your lower half, and your height could be hidden by a high seat in that chair.

: High... chair... Are you calling me an INFANT?

No no no. Even if I think you're short you're not THAT bad. I just mean that it's hard to get your sitting height from this position. And if you're not coming out, I'll just look back there and-

*Shiki holds out her Rod of Remorse to prevent him from going further.*

: That's enough. No one is allowed at this seat other than ME! Blog or not!

Fine then. I guess it'll be a great mystery like with Patchouli's bust size.

: Oh, I know that.

REALLY?

: Not telling you though.

Dawwwww....

: Just get back to the blog.

Breasts: B-but I don't want to talk here next. I plead the fifth!

*Topaz get struck with the Rod of Remorse.*

: Stop that this instant! There's no reason for you to stop the blog here. Do your job!

*Topaz sighs* I suppose it would be unfair to skip this. Alright. Again, this area is a flexible. However, it's pretty given that she has a modest if not flat chest. This is how I see it, and it plays up the contrast between her and Komachi well. That said it's also gone so far as to make Shiki jealous of Komachi and wanting large breasts herself. However, this is more the fanon personality rather than the more accurate one. It's hard to tell officially, but I imagine she has a flat chest.
Grade: D

So how was that?

: A bit more depressing hearing about it from you, but I have no problems with my chest size. You may continue with the blog.

Clothes: Despite not having a lot of outfits I do like Shiki's. It's a military-like dark blue vest with red buttons and gold decor on the shoulders over a white shirt and a short black skirt. She also has ribbons on her forearms, which are red and white. Her alternate outfit makes her hat and dress be red while her white shirt is purple. She also always carries the Rod of Remorse with her as well, which she uses to punish people by writing their sins on them. She also has a cleansed crystal mirror, which reflects past deeds and is tiring to use, but it's not shown in her sprites. Hers takes the form of a hand mirror. Finally, as said before, Shiki is a leg girl. As a result of this, or maybe her short skirt, she became known to have zettai ryouki. No, not the other blogger, I mean she had thighhigh socks. It's strange though, considering that after that her OFFICIAL leg wear was shown and she seems to have extremely low socks as to mock that idea (though it does show off more of her legs, so who knows).
Grade: B+

Mind
Personality: Shiki is the Yama in charge of Gensokyo. For those who don't know, a Yama is the person who judges the deceased on where they go after death. As a result, she can see into a persons past deeds and scolds them if they misbehave. Her lectures are so well-known that Yukari, probably the strongest character in Gensokyo, is afraid of Shiki. This may just be because she's avoiding the lectures, but still. However, she's just trying to keep people from going to hell, rather than sending them for no reason like Fanon tends to think. If anything her motto of "Hell does not exist to punish sinners. Hell exists to ensure that no-one sins." is more supportive of the opposite. She also doesn't discriminate between youkai and humans, telling both Reimu and Yuuka (who is a youkai) to do their jobs better. Shiki does preach a lot to the characters, but to be fair they're not exactly the most righteous and she's doing it with patience. Most of the time, at least. She's a bit harsher with Komachi, but this is more a case of a boss getting mad at a lazy employee rather than Shiki being jealous of Komachi's chest (or anything else the fanon could come up with).
Shiki's ability is to establish something as good or bad (basicaly black and white). While this doesn't seem like a powerful ability, do realize that you can't overturn her opinion. Even a popular "OBJECTION" would have no effect against this judge! She's also the final boss as well, so you can imagine she's pretty powerful. In the Touhoumon games her "Judgement" is the only OHKO attack in the game and only she can learn it. She's also a Steel/Psychic type, though sadly she doesn't have a mega evolution (this was in Gen III). Overall I really like Shiki. She's one of my top Touhou characters still, and in general I like "lawful" girls like her. It would help if fanon stopped taking her lectures to the extreme. Though I do like her "Danzai Yamaxanadu" fan video, but that could be because her song (Fate of Sixty Years) is so good. Also, while I haven't heard anyone else think of it, her odd choice of Kanji for her name makes me think of chuunibyous for some reason.
Grade: A

Libido: Like with Komachi last week, there's no official sources for her libido. Probably the closest to her would be Komachi, hence one of the reasons I pair the two. To be fair Shiki is the tsundere one in their relationship, but I don't hold it against her.
Grade: C

Age: As a yama Shiki is immortal, and her actual age is unknown. Due to her size she's sometimes portrayed as a child, but I just assume she's sort (as said before). Komachi also says that she was originally a jizou statue who came to life after receiving enough faith.
Grade: B

Total Grades: 64
Average score: 7.1
Final Grade: B-

And that's your blog. What do you think about it?

: I did enjoy it, though I'm surprised that I scored the same as my lazy employee. How did that happen?

Well, let's just say that, while you're one of my favorites, there are certain areas where you're lacking. Komachi, on the other hand, has those but I'm not as big a fan of hers in other places.

: I see. Well, it's time to make my judgement... Topaz, you are-

*Topaz gulps, but Shiki's door swings open.*

???: Let Topaz go!

: Who keeps me from my business!

*Riri, Rika, and Kimiko all walk forward.*

: See, I told you we'd make it in time.

: That you did, though no thanks to Kimiko...

*Kimiko turns towards her, showing a red hand-print mark on her face.*

: Hey, it's not my fault Komachi was just sleeping there...

: You were staring at her! No wonder she slapped you!

: But....

: CALM DOWN EVERYONE!

*The three girls stare at Shiki, who clangs her Rod on the desk.*

: I'm not a fan of monkeying around in my room. If you have something to say, tell me then leave. I have a judgement to give.

: Alright then, please let us take Topaz back!

: Oh, you're vouching for him? Perhaps you'd like to remind me of his past deeds, and I'll see if they sway my opinion. After all, I do know you're a pervert...

: (P-pervert? What was Topaz doing with her) Uhm, He stopped Kanon, Tsukiko, and Hayate just this year. The latter was also a worldwide problem, from what I heard.

: Before that he defeated Maho who was attacking in a giant ship. He also defeated her minions of Iria and Chinatsu.

: Even before that he beat Dokuro-chan, Hinagiku, Quattro, and Tae as well as the space loli Riro who was planning on stealing all glasses for herself.

: Weren't all those battles BECAUSE he was doing his job?

Er... uhm...

: No matter, your words refused to change my opinion. Topaz, for entering the Realm of the Dead without dying, I sentence you to... Leave.

NOOO! Wait, what?

: You can just go. I knew about all these things before thanks to my mirror. Hearing your assistants talk so highly of you is commendable, though. I can't fault you for doing your job either.

: Topaz is.. free?

*She starts to tear up and hugs Topaz, quickly joined by the other two.*

: Wow, it's like she was able to read our minds!

*Kimiko coughs and blushes a bit.*

: Something wrong?

: I-I'm just so relieved that Empry is finally saved! Thank you, Yama!

: I approve of you upholding my verdict. BUT! I will have you return with the help of a shikikami. I can't have you walking back and forth through the threshold of death at will.

*Komachi peeks her head out of the doorway.*

: I don't know who you're getting to do it, but do remember that I'm not a valid target.

*Kimiko feels glares from Komachi.*

: That's fine, I luckily have a loaned one from another Yama. I hope you don't mind.

As long as I'll be alive, I don't mind!

: Good! Especially as I want to see at least one more good deed by the end of the year.

I'm sure that I'll find a way.

*A blue haired kimono girl flies through the door on an oar. She's wearing a pink kimono.

: You wanted me, Shiki Eiki?

: That I did, Botan. I want you to escort these four out of here. Maybe watch over them a bit, to make sure nothing funny happens.

: *salutes* On it!

*Botan escorts the four of them out. As they leave Komachi rushes in.*

: What is it? Looking for another excuse to get out of work?

: No, it's THIS!

*Komachi pulls an envelope out of her cleavage, which Shiki opens and reads. Her mouth opens in shock.*

: WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW ME EARLIER!

: You know I don't like that Kimiko girl!

: But still, I can't believe that remnants of that book were somehow sensed in this area! They must have been brought here by some sort of spirit. Close down the doors, make sure it doesn't escape!

: ON IT!

*Topaz and others are outside of the castle as the portcullus shuts behind them.*

Well, that was a close one. Everyone out?

: Yeah.

: We're all here.

: I wonder what happened to make them close it down. That shouldn't happen.

I'm sure they just want their privacy...

*Suddenly a shooting pain is sensed in Topaz's body. He grasps his chest and falls to one knee.*

: ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

*She goes and checks.*

Y-yeah, I'm fine. I just probably have a bit of a headache from staying in there so long...

*He stands up and continues, unaware at the remnants stuck in his chest pulse slightly with demonic power...*
Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 4, 2014 10:37 AM | 0 comments
November 27th, 2014
This is the Three-hundredth-thirteenth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*We start this blog at Topaz's house. Rirchiyo is pacing while Rika is playing 3DS.*

: Hey, what's a good name for my starter?

: I don't know, Captain Punch? I can't think with Kimiko looking for Topaz like this.

: Uh-huh... And what should I call this HM Slave I just caught? It's a beaver, if you need to know.

: Anthony. Wait, how can you be playing video games while Topaz is out there?

: Well, it's not like I can do much here! All we can do is wait.

: True...

*Suddenly Kimiko Topaz comes through the door. She takes off her snow supplies and looks disappointed.*

: I don't like that look. Please tell me you found Topaz!

*Kimiko shakes her head.*

: Oh come on. It's obvious what's happened. She found him, and she's going to act like this to get our hopes up. Then Topaz is going to crash through the door and we'll praise him for finally getting here.

*Kimiko bows her head while Rika fakes laughter.*

: Wahahaha... You two have got us good! Really Topaz. You can come out now!

*Ririchiyo places her hand on Rika's shoulder.*

: I-I don't think she's joking. Are you...

: I'm afraid this is no joke. I've been EVERYWHERE and can't find Topaz anywhere! Either he's lost forever or he's purposely avoiding me! I even asked everyone I know to keep an eye out for him!

: I hope we get information soon...

Posted by emperortopaz | Nov 27, 2014 9:04 AM | 0 comments
August 28th, 2014
Anime Relations: Moetan
This is the Three-hundreth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Topaz stands outside his house.*

Welcome back everyone! As you can tell, this is a big day. Today we celebrate the 300th blog! Okay, so technically this isn't the 300th blog due to the meganekko day specials, and that's not even counting the rare times I do two girls at once. It's also not counting guest blogs either. But, as far as blog days on Thursdays go, this is the 300th example. And do I have a treat for you! Well, I suppose that it's more of a treat for ME, but still. But, if there's newcomers or people unfamiliar with the series I'm going to discuss today I'll give a short synopsis. Sometime in May of 2011 my friend Zettai and I decided to make ideal girls for the other and write stories about them. We've been doing this ever since, and it's been a daily occurrence where we'd give each other a paragraph or two of erotic fiction for the other. I do enjoy doing this, and as a result I decided to include this into the blog. Now, let's enter and see whose here! Even if I can assume who it is...

*Topaz enters the door and enters. He eventually makes it to his living room.*

Posted by emperortopaz | Aug 28, 2014 1:03 PM | 0 comments
December 26th, 2013
Anime Relations: Fire Emblem
This is the Two-hundred-and-sixty-fifth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone! This is the last blog of the year 2013, glad you could join us. This is the week I usually look back on my favorite meganekko, but unfortunately we're not home yet, are we Kimiko?

Kimiko: No.. But I figured you'd like this place as well!

It does have a medieval appeal, but I'd prefer to know where I am.

Kimiko: That's a secret to everyone...

Grrr....

Kimiko: So why are you in such a bad mood?

Well, I think I stepped in horse manure. there's plenty of it out with all those cavaliers chasing each other.

Kimiko: I was wondering what that smell was...

Hey!

*Suddenly a woman lifts up Topaz's leg and inspects his shoe.*

???: *Talking to herself* Hmmm, the color variation looks alright- if a bit dark. A perplexing question. It looks red as if the horse had eaten meat. Ah, is this Wyvern feces? I hadn't heard of anyone investigating this before though that may be more a question of practicality and motivation....

Hey, what are you doing?

???: Hm? Oh, is my research causing you aggravation? *sets Topaz's leg down.* Please excuse me, when I see something worthy of research sometimes I do not think about how it may impact others.

*The girl stands from her kneeling position, holding her loose cloth-like covering. Upon standing upright, she adjusts her glasses in a beautiful flourish that wastes no movement. The two Topazs stare in awe until Emperor finally speaks.*

...Remember when I disliked this place?

Kimiko: Yeah.

...Not anymore...

Kimiko: Me neither...

???: You two seem quite transfixed on my spectacles, to the point where I wonder if I have charmed you. Unless I have stumbled upon a previously unknown spell I know I haven't enchanted you two. Perhaps if I research you further...

Oh, um. I suppose we were planning on doing the exact same thing.

Kimiko: Right, your favorite girl of the year and one of the few meganekkos worthy of calling "your waifu".

I doubt I'll ever find one that will replace Arima Senne in my heart, but it is true that I have liked this woman so much I married her. That's right folks...

Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 26, 2013 1:35 PM | 0 comments
December 19th, 2013
This is the Two-hundred-and-sixty-fourth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone. As you can see we're currently traveling back home, and more importantly, we're not lost between worlds! Luckily Leviathan didn't know that this world became one some time ago and we landed safely. However, it's still a long trip so Kimiko and I are staying in this rest stop we found. Isn't that right... Kimiko?

*Kimiko sighs while looking in the mirror. Topaz steps towards her.*

What's up?

Kimiko: Well, since we were in the Land of the Summons I was thinking I might have, you know, grown some.

I still don't know what you mean.

Kimiko: *flustered* I mean, if my... heart has expanded, so to speak.

I... What?

Kimiko: *angry* You know EXACTLY what I mean, idiot! *back to flustered, twiddling fingers* ...I-I'm wondering if my chest got bigger.

Is that all? Why do girls care so much about their chest size? I guess I can understand you, as you're a pervert like I am, but still.

Kimiko: It's complicated, alright!

Listen, Kimiko, chest size isn't important! It's what inside that counts!

Kimiko: Judging by your blogs that's not true....

My blogs are just my opinion, at least on certain things. There's many people out there that like flat chests just as much as I like busty ones. Seriously, girls need to be proud of what they have and not have green eyes of jealousy about what they don't have.

Kimiko: Though there's nothing wrong with green eyes.

True, at least some shades. Besides you know you'd be easily preoccupied with larger breasts.

Kimiko: ...But they'd be mine, so I could see them all the time.

Plus we weren't in the Land of Summons for that long. Rydia didn't change much either, she was still the cute loli version when we left.

Kimiko: Must have been my eyes then. So Topaz, since this isn't an anime do you know who you're doing today?

Well, since next week is Christmas I'm planning on doing my theme blog this week. I have someone in mind, but we've been unable to locate her in our search.

Kimiko: Oh, are you doing like the past few years and doing an Angel for Christmas?

Yeah, I think that it's appropriate. At least until I watch that one My Santa series. But it looks like we won't have her in time! *Looks up to the heavens* If only we had a sign from above!

*Suddenly a girl crashes through the wall, leaving a perfect girl-sized hole in the wall. Kimiko is surprised.*

Kimiko: HOLY GLASSES!

Hmm, guess all we needed was faith then.

*The mysterious girl stands up and dusts herself off before apologizing.*

???: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!

No worries, we were just wondering where you were. But now that you're here we can begin the blog!

???: Um, what's a blog? Is it something tasty?

*Kimiko regains her composure with a cough* Kimiko: Don't worry, he just wants to talk about you.

That's right, Colette.

Colette: Eh? You know my name?

*Holds up a wanted poster.* It's written right here, under "Chosen of Regeneration" *points*.

Kimiko: Right, it's not like we can't recognize names from papers, we're not idiots like certain harem leads.

Colette: You two are so confusing, I can't keep up with the conversation...

Don't worry, just stay with us as we discuss you.

Colette: 'Kay *smiles*. So where are we going?

Well, we found a way back to our home plane. However, there were enemies in the way so we decided to wait for you to fight them off.

Kimiko: We already spent all the fangs from the last blog!

Colette: No problem, I'm sure I'll be helpful!

*The three all leave together. After a bit, Topaz realizes something*

I never put up the blog information! As you readers can tell though...

Today's girl is:



Colette Brunel
from
Tales of Symphonia


Kimiko: Wait Empry, you haven't even finished that series! Or started, for that matter...

That's fine, I've played my way through BOTH games! Though I guess it was in English, but that shouldn't matter. Anyway, on to the blog!

Head
Hair: Colette has medium length hair that goes about to her mid- or lower back. It seems voluminous and fluffy, but at least as far as the game goes it usually stays in one place rather than be blown nicely in the wind. I do like how straight it is though, it falls down her back like a waterfall of wheat. A wheaterfall, I guess. Speaking of wheat though, I call it that as it's a somewhat bright blonde color. Anyway, her bangs aren't especially interesting but at least cover her forehead. I do like her side curls though, they fit around her face well.
In some costumes Colette has her hair in a different style. In one she has a braid, another with twin braided pigtails, while yet another she has her hair up in a ponytail. None of these are that impressive to me as I prefer her normal hairstyle.
Grade: B

Eyes: Colette's eyes are very round. I'm not a huge fan, but considering her personality having "kawaii" eyes works well. Her eyes also seem very "pure" as in they have next to no imperfections or light reflections. At least as far as official art goes. Finally, her eye color is blue. A sort of sky blue, if you want a specific. Like it was imaginative to give a girl blonde hair and blue eyes-*cough* sorry, I had a friend's opinion in my mouth. However, good for him as Colette's eyes turn red due to plot. Unfortunately they do revert though. Speaking of unfortunate things, it seems that Colette has a costume in the non-GC game from a past Tales game. I'll talk more about it, but I'll bring up that she DOES wear goggles in this outfit. Sadly though, she only wears them on the top of her head and not over her eyes.
Grade: C+

Face: Colette's face is simple and generic, but by this she's not terrible either. She's just sort of... there. She does have a sort of small nose and her face is overall a round shape. The only problem here is, well, the graphics of the GameCube. Obviously being two generations back doesn't mean that I'm expecting it to be flawless, but in gameplay it looks like her face is squat. And not just in the game either, the official art sometimes makes her mouth and nose close together and make her face look scrunched up or something. The anime, I presume, looks fine though.
Grade: B-

*While exploring the dungeon, the three happen upon an enemy that looks like a giant manta ray.*

Kimiko: So how do we defeat this?

If I learned anything from Pokémon, it's that we should use electricity.

Colette: Then I have just the thing- Para Ball!

*Two spheres of electricity hit the ray and defeat it. It quickly moves after the battle.*

That was an uneventful battle.

Kimiko: What do you expect, Para Ball is a physical electric attack.

Colette: I'm not sure what you two are talking about, but it sounds silly.

*The three continue onward.*

Body
Build: Unfortunately we head towards Colette's worst areas, at least in my opinion. Like with her face, the game graphics once again "squat" her down. The anime, again, is much better though I'm not saying the game's look is terrible (it's just a side effect of the technology). Overall Colette is a very slender and not curvy girl. I'm not sure how accurate they are, but it seems that she's about 158 cm and 44 kg which doesn't seem too bad. There's not a lot to point out. The only part I am a fan of is that she grows colorful mist-looking purple wings. They look really cool, and I like how they don't seem to attach to her back.
Grade: D+

Breasts: Rather than go into detail, I'll just say that during the hot spring skit Colette gains a title. This title is "Ironing Board", or "Pettanko" in Japan, so you can predict what her chest is like. As a call back, in Dawn of the New World, you can get Marta's title in the same way.
Grade: D

Clothes: While better than her body, Colette still has problems with her clothing choice. The main one being that BECAUSE of her clothes you can't really see much of her body and as a result I probably penalized it unfairly. Colette wears a white religious-looking robe-like outfit with blue trim. The bottom goes to her knees or so. Over it she has a matching poncho-like object with odd shoulder flaps. There's also two gold button-like objects on her front and back. Around her neck is a necklace that eventually gets a key crest, an important plot device, put into it. On bottom she wears big white boots and, best of all, dark blue tights. The modest design works well with Colette being a main heroine, but I'm not a huge fan of it.
Luckily Colette has a lot of other outfits! First there's the frilly waitress outfit which is a pale green maid-like outfit (a bit less pale in the official art) with thigh-highs and cute hat. Next is her swimwear but unfortunately it's not a school swimsuit (not even the token loli Presea dresses like that :/). Even worse, it's not much other than a white tank top and gradient PAREO. No one likes you pareo, go away! Also she wears sandals and we see how boring her legs are as well. There's also a "noble" outfit as well that she wears to a ball. It looks like a lolita-style dress with a lot of frills and has some similarities to German outfits I've seen but looks nice I think. She also wears wrist- and anklebands to go along with it. In the PS2 version she seems to dress like Lloyd, the main hero, with a red long-sleeved buttoned shirt, loose black pants, and big red boots.
Grade: B

*Continuing through the dungeon, they approach their next foe: a large electric cloud.*

Kimiko: I'd complain that the enemies in this dungeon don't make much sense, but this is actually a cool-looking enemy...

Colette: I know, I'll use Para Ball and-

WAIT! I think it absorbs electricity.

Kimiko: It's not weak to Ground either due to being half flying too. How are we going to defeat it?

I suppose we could throw a rock at it?

Kimiko: That would never work!

...What about a big rock?

*While the two are arguing the cloud reaches out to attack Colette. However, she luckily releases a toy hammer with an icy head. The hammer slams against the creature's face and destroys it.*

Oh, I guess we can use Ice as well, good idea Colette!

Colette: Thanks! What did I do?

Kimiko: Be lucky, I guess.

Mind
Personality: At birth Colette was clutching a Cruxis Crystal, a fairly plot-important item. This signaled that she was one of the Chosen, to be sent on her sixteenth birthday to go on a journey to save the world. A fairly common plot sure, but I do appreciate how far she goes to give herself up. Seriously, she loses quite a few of her senses and even becomes voiceless, emotionless, and even remove her soul from her body to get help everyone out. This leads to a silly troll moment from the male lead Lloyd involving hot chocolate and mind games. Luckily she does return to normal, at least Colette normal.
So what IS Colette normal? As a whole Colette is a ditz. Seriously, she's clumsy (though in lucky ways usually) and pretty dense, but overall you can tell she has a good heart. She was even able to be tracked by looking for Colette-shaped holes in walls as she fell through them so often! Not on screen, though. She also so oblivious that "Oblivious" is even a title for her; you have to enter a battle inflicted with the "Poison" status ailment and not cure it, but there's also a after-battle gag where the lead wants her to cure HIS poison and she foolishly thinks he means hers. She'll also apologize a lot, to the point of apologizing for apologizing when she doesn't need to. She's always smiling as well, with a cheerful and supportive personality. She's somewhat sheltered, but that fits in with the rest of her personality. She also likes dogs and gets a title if you name all the dogs in the game.
As far as combat goes, Colette uses Chakram and Angel Skills. I.. Seem to have forgotten to mention this, but Colette is a half-angel. But anyway, back to the fighting skills. Colette starts off only with a Chakram, a rounded boomerang of sorts. She also learns a few novelty attacks, such as hitting the opponent with a toy hammer, throwing lightning balls, or item stealing. Yes, the hero of the worlds is a thief (though that's not too incorrect considering they keep stealing from homes or breaking pots), though at least it's humorous as Colette trips while doing so and gets items in a "Whoops, I got something" sort of manner. As far as the Angel Skills, she gets them all through plot events and include shooting feathers, buffing ally stats, healing allies at the cost of Colette, and doing massive holy damage.
Finally, despite Colette being voiced by Nana Mizuki I can't say too many good things about her voice. Well, outside the fact that she sings really well. Nana is one of my favorite voice actresses in anime as well, so it's a shame. However, I think that this is more due to me being used to the English dub. Heather Hogan has a much lower voice so it makes Nana's voice seem high-pitched as a result.
Grade: B

Libido: As far as being perverse goes, Colette isn't that high. She's a pure maiden, after all. However, she does love Lloyd a lot and is a childhood friend. In fact, unless another character is higher Colette is the one that he gets with. She loves spending time with him, but she also views her duty as more important.
Grade: B-

Age: Colette is either 16 (in the first game and anime) or 18 (in Dawn of the New World). That's enough to give her a great score.
Grade: B

Total Grades: 57
Average score: 6.3
Final Grade: C+

Colette: That's a high score! I think!

That's far higher than Lloyd could get on a 1000 question exam, at least.

*Finally, Topaz, Kimiko, and Colette all enter a giant room with a large device in the middle.*

This must be what we were looking for!

Kimiko: Huh, I guess all universes can't have banishing serpent creatures but this is a bit odd to say the least.

But it looks like we're not alone!

*A giant four-armed skeleton drops from the sky wielding four blades. Instantly the group is put in a battle.*

Enemy: You'll never return from where you came! Gwarg!

Quick Colette, use Holy Song to make us stronger!

Kimiko: No, use Judgment! This enemy looks weak to holy and we need all the damage we can get!

Colette: Holy.... Judgment? Oops, I messed up. He he he...

*A magical energy shields the heroes while beams of light shoot at the Skeleton. It's easily hit multiple times due to his large body and is destroyed in no time.*

Kimiko: See, I knew Judgment would do it!

Hey, Holy Judgment is over four times stronger than the regular kind.

*Colette starts walking towards the two.*

Colette: Hey, stop fighting you two-OOF!

*Colette trips for no reason and hits the machine. It brims to life and sends Topaz and Kimiko to another dimension.*

Topaz & Kimiko: Ahhhhhh! *disappears*

Colette: Well, I hope they arrive safely!

Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 19, 2013 11:57 AM | 0 comments
December 12th, 2013
This is the Two-hundred-and-sixty-third week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Topaz sighs*

Kimiko: I know, right? We've been stuck in this village for a week it seems.

The people don't seem friendly to humans either, and it's not like there's any other humans down here to talk to. Luckily the birds at the item place give us the left over bread and rations each day or we'd starve as well.

Kimiko: Right, and the marsh or whatever that leads outside is far too dangerous for us and our low defenses. We'd surely croak! So WHY did we come here? It seems that there's no women around, save that blue one that keeps giving me the cold shoulder...

*Just as Kimiko questions there purpose, loud trumpets are heard.*

Announcer: The King has returned!

*A crowd of hooded creatures rush over to the teleporter gate. A giant serpent appears, carrying a green haired female in its mouth.*

Kimiko: Oh, now I see who you were think-

*More trumpets sound. Irritated, Kimiko yells at them.*

Kimiko: HEY! I was TRYING to hold a conversation here!

N-now Kimiko. Let's try not to make a scene.

*Despite Topaz's attempts to cool Kimiko down, they still attract unwanted attention from the King. He gently sets down the shivering girl in front of the two. From this distance it's easy to tell that she's soaked as well as crying in the fetal position*

???: I lost... everyone... again...

King: YOU! HUMANS! I bestow this young girl's care to you. I'll also give you any items you shall desire, so long as you train her well.

O-Okay?

Kimiko: We'll f-follow you, giant king snake thingy.

*whispers* That's Leviathan!

Kimiko: Oh, well then. King Leviatan!

Leviathan, not Leviatan! He's not a cute schoolgirl after all!

*Leviathan lets out a heavy chuckle.*

Leviathan: You amuse me, puny humans. If you shall need me, I'll be in the library.

*Leviathan slithers off and the crowd disperses.*

Kimiko: Anyway, what are we going to do with a wet loli?

Same thing we do with every- Er, I mean, do a blog on her!

Today's girl is:



Rydia
from
Final Fantasy IV


Kimiko: Hey, I like that game!

Me too, or else I can't imagine doing a blog on her! But first you should dry her off.

Kimiko: Why me?

*looks aside* Because it would look CREEPY if I did it...

Kimiko: I suppose that's fair.

*Time passes as Kimiko wipes off Rydia with a towel. Once she says she's alright, Topaz finally turns back around.*

I knew you could do it. *kneels down* So how are you feeling, Rydia?

Rydia: All my friends and family are dead *sniffle*.

Don't worry, I personally know that all of your friends will eventually be fine!

Rydia: R-really?

Yes, Edward's a bit bumped up and Yang is crazy, but they'll both be helpful in the future. Cecil will look different but he'll be the same person inside. Even Rosa you'll meet again!

Rydia: Wow, you know so much about the future.

I-er, I'm a prophet! Yes, that's it.

Rydia: What about my family?

Errrrr...

Kimiko: They're all dead, sadly.

*Rydia starts tearing up.*

Good going, Kimiko!

Kimiko: Sorry, I'm not good with kids!

*Topaz hugs Rydia cutely.*

Don't worry, your mother is always guarding you...

Rydia: *sniff* She is?

Yes, in the form of the Mist Dragon. Everyone knows dragons are cooler than people anyway!

Rydia: You're right, and I can summon her anytime I want to see her!

Exactly! So what else should we do to take care of you?

Rydia: Leviathan mentioned something about having me learn some summons- *gets wet note from pocket* Let's see, Ifrit, Shiva, and Ramuh are their names.

Huh, it looks like I have a request for Leviathan already. *scribbles notes on a piece of paper.* Here Kimiko, go ask for these items from him.

Kimiko: Sure, but first, before you start fighting, equip THESE.

Rydia: Spectacles? But I don't see how they can help...

*Rydia puts on the glasses and looks lovely in them. Kimiko, proud of this fact, heads off to speak to Leviathan.*

That does remind me of something though, I should be getting to the blog proper!

Head
Hair: Rydia's hair is a light green. I'd prefer it to be darker but that's personal preference and having it be green in general does make her stand out a lot. I'm pretty sure she's the only green-haired character in the game as well (she is at least among the other main characters). As far as style goes, I'm not a huge fan. It's parted to one side with some sort of decoration (perhaps a pin or some type of circlet) and that denies me the chance to see her with bangs. I also prefer symmetrical hair so I don't like Rydia's windswept look as it looks like she woke up on the wrong side of the bed. It's all swept to the right in a way I don't exactly like, being kept up in some odd ponytail bush.. thing. It's hard to describe, I guess. I do like her length though, if it were down it would each about her mid back. I'm also reminded of Gau from FFVI, but that's likely because they both have green motifs.
Grade: C+

Eyes: Rydia's eyes are a lot harder to tell. The sprite work just isn't as apparent as with her hair. From the more recent versions I can see that they're a shade of blue or green and her eyes are somewhat narrow. To be fair, I think the latter is just because that's how most Japanese-made games do 3D graphics, but still. Otherwise there's not much to say. About her eyes, at least.
Grade: B-

Face: Well, obviously I'm not counting Theatrhythm's designs; those are silly and super deformed on purpose. But getting back to Rydia's face, it's difficult to tell. Much like her eyes the fact that she is from when games used sprites works against her. At least we do see her face in the cut-outs and menus in the later remakes. Between all of them, I prefer the DS and PSP versions the most. The DS has a more concrete, attractive look while the PSP version bring out a lot of her gentle appeal. I am not a fan of the later PSP or android version as well as the After Years, they've just been making her too pale recently. Not that I mind paleness, but there's a difference between looking pale and being camouflaged for winter weather.
There's also a chance that Rydia has a sizable nose, but her smooth skin and nice soft shape make me like it. There's also the fact that, despite being modeled in 3D in the DS and later games she doesn't have the odd CG uncanny valley look to her.
Grade: B

Kimiko: Yoooohooooo!

*Kimiko runs up to Topaz with a large bag.*

Kimiko: Leviathan wondered why I came so quickly, but he managed to give us all you asked for. I wonder why you wanted so many teeth though... *Hands the bag to Topaz, who then inspects it.*

Hmmm, looks like enough fangs. Here, Rydia. Take these *hands bag to her*.

Rydia: What's all this for?

Throw the red ones at Shiva and the white ones at Ifrit. You'll win in no time!

Rydia: O-Okay?

*Rydia leaves to face her challenges alone.*

Kimiko: So what have you been doing with her?

Just my blog.

Kimiko: Huh, we should probably continue then.

Right, luckily I was able to get her to leave before anything major was revealed.

Body
Build: The official statistics for Rydia place her at 1.07m tall and 18 kg (3'6" and 40 lbs, respectively), or that's at least as close to official as I can find. Anyway, as you can tell we first see her as a child. I don't think I need to say much about her in this form.
However, once she gets to the Feymarch/Land of Summons/wherever, she appears adult-sized. She doesn't actually age I think, but her body becomes much shapelier due to the time difference there (not that it affects the party once they arrive though). Her body is at least somewhat shapely; it's attractive but not over the top. She does expose a lot of her legs but otherwise I can't think of another point of interest. This is one point that fan art certainly helps (as silly as it could be).
Grade: B-

Breasts: Obviously Rydia doesn't have much of a chest as a child. Again, returning from the Feymarch she does appear adult-like, including sporting a nice set of breasts. Not that you can tell in-game, DS and recent releases excluded. I suppose it's good that it's not commented on in-game; characters are more glad to see Rydia return than to comment on her growth. You'd think at least one of them would notice her cleavage in that outfit though!
Grade: C

Clothes: Speaking of that, it's time to talk about Rydia's outfits! Predictably she doesn't have much in the way of variety. While the DS version at least allows the weapons to look different, the armors don't have a distinct look (so no dressing her up as a prisoner, in case that's your fetish). As a child Rydia wears a blue-green dress with shoulder pads that looks really cute.
Somehow in the time in the Feymarch she began to dress more provocative. She returns wearing a green leotard-like outfit with some cleavage showing (there's more in the FMVs than in the actual game though). She also wears long fingerless gloves up to her elbows which are a green like the rest of her outfit. She also wears thigh-high boots, at least I imagine they're boots. Like everything else, it's a green color. Finally, she wears a green cloak on her back.
In The After Years Rydia's outfit becomes even MORE revealing. Eidolons are corrupting the poor pure Rydia, I guess. Anyway, it's similar to her adult version but with more cleavage showing AND a necklace to point it out more too. Not only that, but the gloves I guess are part of the outfit as they're attached to the shoulders (barely, her shoulders are revealed). Even then they have a few holes in them. Speaking of holes, Rydia's SIDES are exposed as well. Only that looks intentional! On bottom she wears a V-shaped leg strap to sort of cover her front (the leotard looks like it's on its last hurrah). There's also metal bits that I imagine poke her for no good reason. FASHION! If you can't tell that her outfit is incredibly sexy, remember this: Nintendo of America's censorship board is a lot more lenient these days, and they STILL had to cover up Rydia (and other girls) outfits for the The After Years. I like the more modest version of this outfit more, a lot of the useless holes are filled, her cleavage is a lot more subdued and they gave her shorts I think. The only minus is that they gave her shorts AND a pareo. I can see that they didn't want the original outfit to look strange after they colored the shorts, but still! At least the opening FMV doesn't look to terrible.
And it's still better than what happened to Porom, what with the pink hair and see-through clothing...
Grade: B-

Rydia: What's that about pink clothing?

*Topaz and Kimiko jump at Rydia surprising them.*

Kimiko: Um, well.

If you find a pink blob enemy that drops a puffy tail, I've heard rumors of someone who will make amazing armor for it!

Rydia: Wow, that's really useful information. You two people have such great knowledge!

Kimiko: *aside* nice save. So how goes the Eidolons hunt?

Rydia: Wonderful! I already captured Shiva and Ifrit, but I don't know how to beat up Ramuh now...

Kimiko: Have you tried Titan?

Kimiko, this isn't Pokémon.

Kimiko: That retort is Super Effective!

I have an idea, Rydia. Just-*Topaz whispers in her ear*.

Rydia: I see then, thanks for the great idea mister!

*Rydia runs off.*

Kimiko: Hmmm, did she look taller than when we last left her?

I didn't notice, maybe? But while she's gone let's finish up her blog.

Mind
Personality: Rydia's story is a great one, at least in my opinion. The first time we see her she's lost her parents due to the "hero" of the game destroying her village. She manages to defeat the player using Titan, but also brings down a mountain range. After being protected by the hero Cecil she travels the world with him. She makes for a great Black Mage and even has some White Mage talents as well as the ability to summon Chocobo (and Whyt in the DS version). However, she doesn't learn any fire moves. This is because she refuses to cast it all due to her home burning down by Bombs. Rosa, another mage and Cecil's love, manages to calm her when they needed her ability to get through an ice-covered mountain range. As a child she's a kind and gentle but isn't afraid to smack people if they don't have a reason to cry. She matures surprisingly quickly, and I don't mean about her body in the Feymarch. For a seven year old to go through what she has and STILL be optimistic makes for a very inspirational character.
Eventually, as you can tell by the story part of my blog, Rydia is swallowed by Leviathan and taken to the Feymarch/Land of Summons/ Respective location in your version of the game. She remains there until she's needed for a Deus ex Machina in a battle against Golbez. After that she's MOSTLY in the party to stay, Cecil's sexism notwithstanding (there's not good reason for Rydia to NOT go to the moon!). In the DS version you can also hear her inner thoughts when going to the menu screen (all characters do this, of course). Often Rydia is the one to keep the party on track, trying to rescue Rosa, being glad to see everyone, or even putting her past behind her to fight against Golbez. That takes a lot of dedication and Rydia is a great heroine of the SNES jRPG era I'd like to think.
I may have mentioned it before, but Rydia as a child has the abilities of White and Black magic and Summons. This means she can cast attack and defensive magic and can also call creatures for a powerful attack (this is for the ones out there that don't know Final Fantasy, I guess). She does lose White magic as an adult, but as you'll be using her as a black mage it doesn't matter too much. The reason I bring up her talents is because Summoning is one of my favorite abilities and casting is up there as well. More divine casting, but White magic sort of counts. I tend to like mages more than the combat-oriented classes so Rydia is great in my eyes. She even has a glitch as in the old games she had Cura added to her spell list when she returned (along the other 2/-ara spells like Ice 2/Blizzara) but without White magic selectable it's useless. Speaking of spells, Rydia can also cast Meteor at a high enough level, and ingame it's treated as a VERY powerful spell so good for her!
Grade: A

Libido: I can't tell much about Rydia's libido. Obviously it's nonexistent as a child, but as an adult she does get hit on a lot by Edge, another party member. In The After Years they share a band (IE a combination attack) called "Broken Heart" so that might give you an idea of how she feels about this affection. She sees both Tellah and Rosa as respective teachers, and she's apparently "bound by fate" to Cecil. I don't think that means anything that would be important here, but who knows. She can also equip whips which could have questionable motives. I'm not judging, but with two other girls and a Meganekko leading them she has a band called "Call Me Queen" that hits the enemy and turns them into a pig. I'm not saying anything, but...
Grade: C

Age: *Ahem* Anyway, Rydia is a bit difficult to classify in the Age area. Chronologically she's 7 when we first see her. Her actual age after returning from the Feymarch has never been released though. Oddly, it seems that she's 8 in the interlude so she can't have aged THAT much. It seems that she's 24 in The After Years, but I'm not sure how accurate that is. In other words, much like Nanoha I have to take her average age through the three games of 13. But remember, despite her age her body and mind are a lot more mature.
Grade: C

Total Grades: 61
Average score: 6.8
Final Grade: B-

And with that we're done with the blog for the week!

Kimiko: Just in time, look who has returned!

Rydia: Hello!

How was Ramuh?

Rydia: I beat him, but I don't think he likes me very much. I kicked him and he said I broke his staff. Then he called me a cheater and ran off to tell the king.

Kimiko: TOPAZ! What, or should I say WHERE, did you tell Rydia to kick?

Hey, I only suggested physical attacks! The rest was all her idea!

*A shadow looms over the group*

KING LEVIATHAN! H-how goes things?

Leviathan: Enough of this foolish training. I was wrong to tell YOU two to train Rydia for her trials! You've made a MOCKERY of the challenge!

Hey, at least we didn't burn down the obstacle course!

Leviathan: ENOUGH! I shall banish you between two worlds for this!

Kimiko: I hope he means between big-

I don't think he does, sadly...

*Leviathan utters a forbidden spell, sending Kimiko and Topaz through a portal. They scream until the portal finally shuts.*

Leviathan: As for YOU, I'll allow you to keep the Eidolons you have obtained right now, including Ramuh, but until some future date you are forbidden to fight any others. Including me and the Queen.

Rydia: Topaz... Kimiko...

Leviathan: Hmmm, you were bonded better than I had though. Perhaps I'll remove this memory from ALL other subjects here. From this day, RYDIA shall be known as the ONLY human that has stepped foot in the Feymarch!

*Leviathan once again utters a spell and a rainbow haze covers the city. All memory of Topaz's visit is forgotten.*

*In a daze, Rydia returns to a dwelling Leviathan told her to stay. Still confused, she takes off the glasses Kimiko's glasses and puts them on a dresser. They sadly fall behind it after a few days, possibly forever...*
Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 12, 2013 11:38 AM | 0 comments