emperortopaz's Blog

December 3rd, 2015
Welcome back everyone. Last week we found out a lot of information and blogged about Eirin. Thanks to Topaz's help I was able to escape her kicking us out and met with Kaguya.

: That's me!

Certainly. And as promised last week...

Today's girl is:



Kaguya Houraisan
from
The Touhou Series


: Woo hoo! Topaz is finally going to blog about me!

: Don't celebrate yet. We don't know if he'll say anything unsightly or something!

: It's alright. I imagine that Empry will give Kaguya the proper treatment she deserves.

: Thanks Topaz! Yaaaayyy!

*Kaguya runs back and forth.*

: Calm down this instant! You'll knock something over!

*Kaguya takes a proper sit.*

: Bubu. You never let me do anything fun.

At least she's letting me blog about you.

: I am, but after that I'll kick you out!

: Such anger. What if Empry is still in pain?

: He's ALWAYS a pain! Er, but I guess I know of another nurse that he can talk to. We'll see after.

Well then, let's get going!

Head
Hair: Kaguya has the best hair in the Touhou universe. Not only that, but she has my absolute favorite hairstyle in general. She has a black hime cut with really long hair in back. Her hair is about waist-length, but there are times where it seems longer. Of course her main attribute is her hime cut, befitting a pure Japanese beauty like her (even if she is from the moon). She has long sides as well, going about to her chest and, while they don't always cover her ears, still greatly frame her face. It's hard to compare to such gorgeous beauty. About the only flaw, if you can even call it that, is that Kaguya does not wear a hat. While not as big of a deal now this made Kaguya really unique when she first came out as pretty much every other character had one. That said it's nothing too major and she looks absolutely amazing anyway so I wouldn't say her hair is anything but perfect.
Grade: A+

: I do TOO have a hat!

*Kaguya puts a pair of panties on her head.*

: Homuhomuhomu!

: Stop that this instant! Act like the princess that you are, or you'll give Topaz a poor impression!

: Fiiiinnneee....

*Kaguya puts the panties back in the drawer.*

: Right, you don't want to be arrested for being a local pervert!

: But I'm from the moon...

: Foreigners are strange.

: Wait a minute, you always wear kimonos.

: That I do.

: So whose panties are those? And why do they have phoenixes on them?

: N-no reason! *averts eyes.*

: KA-GU-YA HOU-RAI-SAN! You better not be going out without my permission!

*Kaguya whistles innocently.*

: I think at this point you'd better continue the blog...

Eyes: Kaguya is said to have dark brown eyes. This is a shame as they almost look red, which would have been nice with her black hair. That said the difference is barely there and some fanartists give her red eyes anyway. I also don't mind brown too much, either. Shape-wise her eyes are similar to Eirin's, but Kaguya's seem much softer due to her natural beauty.
Grade: B

: That reminds me of something that I can use to help my score get higher.

*With a quick flourish Kaguya pulls a pair of folded glasses out of her sleeve. She then opens them up and places them on her head.*

: Ufufufu. With this I'll get an even higher score!

As great as those are, I sadly cannot factor them into my blog. That would be unfair.

: Buuuuu... But they're even red frames which look great with my hair.

Agreed!

: Feel like giving me even a bit more? Huh? Huh?

*Kaguya adjusts her glasses quickly and repeatably, in an obnoxious factor.*

: Wait, is this why you wanted me to make you glasses?

: Gerk! Errrr....

*She averts her eyes and touches her pointer fingertips together. Eirin sighs from her ojousama's displays.*

: Why don't you get on with the blog, Topaz...

Face: Sadly, for a girl that's treated as extremely beautiful in canon I don't see why Kaguya is so different from any other Touhou girl. Not that she looks bad, it's just that there's a lot of similarities. That said I do appreciate Kaguya's small nose and features, and even in the main games she does look very pretty (which is no small feat).
Grade: B+

: How unusual. Many men have been charmed by Kaguya-hime's beauty, but you seem to not appreciate it as much.

She is very beautiful, especially for a Touhou character. However, there are girls from other series that I find more beautiful.

: But hers is a beauty that drives men wild! Helen of Troy, whose face has launched a thousand ships, pales in comparison! What sort of standards could you possibly have?!

Well, you see-

*Kimiko interrupts.*

: The lazy kind. You see Empry would rather not look for one of the devoted items to marry her. He knows that he is not worthy of such beauty, and as a result would rather indirectly insult the princess.

: I see then. You are fortunate that your friend here gave such a likely reason for your excuses.

: He should touch my cheeks to prove how soft they are!

: Wait. You mean the ones on your face, right?

: of course!

: Do not suggest that Kaguya-hime is as depraved as you two are!

As much as I would like it, I would rather not mar her beauty with my commoner hands.

: Fair reasoning. But you shall make it up to her by continuing the blog.

Don't worry, I shall do just that!

Body
Build: Unfortunately, unlike a the above areas Kaguya is not as friendly to my blog. Her body is difficult to tell due to the kimono she wears. She does at least seem slim, and she does seem to have nice legs from the rare occasion we've seen them. There's also question that in one of the games she uses the "Seamless Ceiling of Kinkaku-ji" which is a temple ceiling made of one huge board. I bring this up because one of the books says she lifts this by HAND which may show how strong she secretly is. Still, I wouldn't mind to see more of Kaguya.
Grade: C

: Zettai would love my slender body far more!

True, except that he'd love your butt to be bigger.

: Please! Don't put such thoughts in the head of my innocent Kaguya-hime!

Hey, she thought of it first last week!

: I bet I could use the power of Eternity to make my butt infinite!

That MAY be slightly too big for Zettai.

: Surprises can happen, as I never would think those words would be uttered!

: True. I imagine being middle school-size would be best for him.

: Certainly, much like Reika who is another "beauty"!

: GWAH! I still don't like how the American FLUB gave her the horrible name of "Chloe". I mean, what kind of dumb name is that for the traditional Japanese girl!

I know! They picked horrible names! But this is about Kaguya and not about some silly Glittery girls, so let's continue with her.

Breasts: Much like a lot of other Touhou characters, Kaguya's chest size is unknown. Her images aren't helpful and in general her robes hide her body shape a lot. She's kind of like Patchouli in that way. Personally I believe that she's a flat Japanese beauty. Not quite loli-flat, but enough to look beautiful in kimonos and fitting of her body size. Fan art tends to agree, with Kaguya being mainly flat (there's some odd image that may exist, but they're few and far between especially compared to other characters).
Grade: C

: Speaking of breast sizes-

: Kaguya-hime, leave this matter aside once and for all!

: NO! I must find out the mystery that has haunted me for nearly 300 blogs. Topaz, I ask of you: What is Patchouli's chest size?

: I'm curious as well!

I can't say. I swore to her privacy!

: What's the worse that could happen?

: An age old question gets an answer and one side takes that as evidence that they were right all the time.

: Well then, at least whisper it to me.

I suppose... whisper whisper

: Hey! I can't hear!

: I see I see. It's the opposite of what I was expecting.

: Are you satisfied now?

: Yes, the mystery is safe with me.

: This seems unfair!

You could always ask her yourself.

: I have, but she always slaps me, scolds me for getting into her library, and blasts me out a window with magic.

: You'd think you'd learn after the first time...

I admire her determination, though I should get back to the blog.

Clothes: Like a lot of Touhou characters Kaguya's wardrobe is pretty simple. She wears a pink heavy kimono with white bows down the front and a white collar. Her skirt is burgundy with golden designs. She also has a white under skirt, so you can imagine how difficult it is to appreciate the beauty of her body. That said, kimonos DO look really nice on her. She is a classic Japanese beauty, after all. Luckily for Kaguya I researched a bit of the Inaba manga and found out she wears a few alternate outfits, so good for her! As an example, in one chapter she has a frilly one-piece swimsuit when she's sitting in a kiddie pool. In another chapter she's getting ready to go to a party at the Scarlet Mansion and she puts on things like cat ears and paws, a gothloli dress and another frilly dress, and a boyish outfit with both a necktie and tiny hat. These little moments did well to help her out, though I do hope that there wasn't any that I missed. She also owns a spacesuit, which she dressed Aya in during a lunar exhibition in a book.
Grade: B-

: If only my noncanon lack of panties would help here...*sighs*

: You need to act like a princess and get such perverse ideas out of your head. I blame the computer wrecking your sense of modesty.

: I wouldn't mind if Kaguya was less modest in her dress.

I agree. Just imagine her great classic Japanese beauty in a maid outfit.

: Or Miko!

Or a sukumizu!

: Or a Chinese dress!

Both Topaz and : PANTYHOSE!

: I don't know if I should be fascinated or disturbed by how similar your minds work...

Similar to other brains, I'm guessing.

: Yeah, shouldn't you know that as you're a doctor and all?

: That's not what I meant, and stop getting sidetracked Topaz!

Fine fine...

Mind
Personality: I described Kaguya's backstory along with Eirin (sorta) last week, but I'll still go over it. Kaguya was a princess of the moon, but by working together with Eirin she create the Hourai elixir, an immortality potion. This was against the law so she was executed. And executed, and executed. Eventually they caught on to the whole “she's an immortal” thing (though hopefully Kaguya didn't feel pain during these times) and they decided to exile her to Earth. She's since been allowed to return, but refuses as she enjoys spending time on Earth. As far as Kaguya herself, she seems to be carefree but refined at the same time. Her conversation skills are dated, which considering her age isn't that surprising (but it would be cool if she spoke ojou-like). In the Inaba books she's a bit more innocent and naive, which makes her extremely cute. Because Kaguya spent so long in Eientei she's often said to be a hikikomori or NEET who shuns outside interraction, but this isn't true as one of the books says she wants to leave and experience the world. I do like this personality as I can identify with it. She also asks for Eirin's help during her battle, but Kaguya isn't useless as she joins Eirin in HER final battle as well. And of course we can't talk about Kaguya without discussing “Kaguya-hime”, or the Story of the Bamboo-Cutter. In it a bamboo-cutter finds the young infant Kaguya-hime and her interactions with the Emperor (after many failed suitors) and she reveals that her unworldly beauty is because she's from the moon. Though I am cutting it short, the story is very much like Kaguya Houraisan's.
Kaguya has the vague ability to control the eternal and the instantaneous. Both are time-control abilities and are pretty hard to wrap my mind around the exact properties, but Kaguya can keep ancient buildings like new and time stop and other cool things like that. Surprisingly Kaguya has the second-highest amount of Spell Cards, at 41, with the first being Satori at 76 (who copies your partner's spell cards and thus has a lot of different varieties). This isn't counting the Shoot The Bullet spin-offs, though. The reasons Kaguya has so many is that she uses her Impossible Request items (yes, she had them all the whole time, making the requests truly “impossible”) as well as Divine treasures even BEFORE using her true powers of eternity. These include *deep breath* a Jewel from the Dragon's Neck, Buddha's Stone Bowl, Robe of Fire Rat, Swallow's Cowrie Shell, and the Jeweled Branch of Hourai. She adds the Lunar Ilmenite, Red Stone of Aja, Seamless Ceiling of Kinkaku-ji, and something called “Mysterium”. And yes, I imagine that the Jojo reference is intentional considering the first game references ACDC turning one person into a bomb through their blood (though I just know that through research). I'll also add that in Labyrinth of Touhou her ability to completely ignore enemy defenses with multi-target moves and ability to cause a second character to act are both really good. Kaguya may fall short of being one of my favorite Touhou characters, but she's definitely high-ranked.
Grade: A-

Libido: Sadly Kaguya doesn't do as well here either. Much like other Touhou girls there isn't much shown. She is pretty close to Eirin, who serves Kaguya faithfully but sadly not in the femdom sense (or maybe it is too, I can't be sure). There's also the fierce rivalry Kaguya has with another immortal Mokou, though considering they actively send assassins after the other it's a bit less loving than other rivalries. It is a bit of a softer rivalry in certain series, like the Inaba books. There's also technically all the suitors that were after Kaguya, but considering she sends them off on impossible tasks I imagine she was less than excited to be in a relationship with any of them.
Grade: C

: W-WHAT? Me and Mokou, my most hated rival? Being YURI together?! What nonsense!

But that always seems to happen with hated enemies. Plus it's not like either of you are going anywhere anytime soon either.

: Harumph!

*Kaguya pouts cutely.*

: Hey, doesn't she remind you of Ririchiyo when she talks about you?

What do you mean?

: Like when Riri gets angry at you and stuff. She has a similar facial expression.

I don't see it...

: Either way you'd better apologize!

*Meanwhile*

: WAAACHOOO! Hmmm, someone must be talking about me. Good things I hope. And I hope that it's Topa-Er, why am I thinking of him now. I need to stop that, or my arhythmia will act up again.

*Back at Eientei*

: Thanks for the apologies.

You're welcome. I thought that my back was going to give out from bowing so much.

: You need a stronger back. Tell Riri to eat more to make her butt heavier.

Hmmm, great idea. But for now I need to finish up Kaguya's blog.

: Only one more area to go!

Age: Kaguya is ageless, and much like Eirin she's at least 1300 years old. Also like Eirin it's been hinted at that Kaguya is hundreds of millions of years old. Luckily Kaguya doesn't seem as phased by this as her friend is.
Grade: A+

Hmmm, if Kaguya and Eirin are the same age, why is the latter the only one that gets angry at it being mentioned?

: I'm comfortable with my age, and my beauty is timeless as well.

: I get tired of being called a "hag" due to the "Ya" in my last name, like some other characters.

I see then, so you don't have a problem with your age then?

: Not as much as I might have made it seem like last time. But that does NOT excuse people calling me a "hag". That's just cruel.

: Especially for someone who is "Forever 17".

: Exactly-HEY!

Total Grades: 73
Average score: 8.1
Final Grade: B

: Hmmm. That's an interesting score.

Any particular reason?

: Well, I'm around where your favorites score, but is there any reason I'm not one of your top ones?

: Empry is as stubborn as he is lazy. As a result he hasn't changed his favorites from the first game he played.

: But Reisen!

: She's on there for... other, NAUGHTIER reasons...

: I do suppose that she's a useless bunny only good for her sex appeal.

: I HEARD THAT!

*Reisen walks in.*

Hey, weren't you having foot pain last week?

: I did, but I put some Oinkment on it. Eirin's medicine really does wonders.

Don't you mean "ointment".

: No, it's apparently pig-based.

: Enough fooling around here. It's time for you two to go!

: WAIT! Accept this gift for making it to me. Not many people do so.

: Well, you are a final boss...

*Kaguya takes out a bracelet of some sort and straps it to Topaz's wrist.*

Awesome, I got another item!

: You're really making a haul recently.

True. Though I will say that it seems old.

: W-what? It's certainly not something that I've been trying to get rid of for ages...

And it looks like a hunk of junk...

: That just means that it's ancient. Older than old. A real treasure!

And it smells funny.

: What odor? You don't want it because it SMELLS funny? That's the smell of HISTORY!

: It is wise not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

: Besides, it's not like Kaguya smuggled that inside her butt for years trying to get it to you.

If she did, I'd hope that she'd give it to Zettai instead.

: Fufufu. You are always so silly. I'm going to miss you.

: Indeed, it is time to say goodbye. But don't worry, we'll meet again some day.

You mean it?

: Of course. I mean, you have to pay me SOMETIME. But for now...

*Eirin opens a transportation gate.*

: Go back!

*She pushes Topaz through and closes it.*

: Hey! You shouldn't have that power! That's Yukari!

: But it's a simple ninth level spell, and I'm a mage.

: Fair excuse.

: And don't worry. I sent him to go meet with a nurse that appeals to him better. Well, school nurse anyway.

: Sounds like a facesitting good time! I'm so jealous.
Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 3, 2015 8:06 AM | 0 comments
July 30th, 2015
Anime Relations: Final Fantasy
This is the Three-hundredth-forty-eighth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone. We're currently up high in the sky on Captain Liliana's ship. I managed to save Ririchiyo, but in the mean time got cornered myself. Luckily a certain video game hero has come to save us!

: And I know who it is! Can you let me tell them?

: Tell me too!

Sure, but first let's spoiler it so the surprise isn't spoiled!

: Wait, so you're saying you're using the spoiler for it's proper use and not just to build suspense.

Uhhhh...

: I knew it... Anyway, the girl who saved us was...

Posted by emperortopaz | Jul 30, 2015 9:49 AM | 0 comments
December 4th, 2014
This is the Three-hundredth-fourteenth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Ririchiyo and Rika are relaxing once again in Topaz's living room. Suddenly Kimiko bursts in, a phone on her shoulder.*

: GUESS WHAT!

: If you're going to say you can save a ton of money...

: No. Plus I already used that joke. My Touhou contacts have finally found Topaz!

& : WHAAAAATTTTT????

: Where is he?

: Uh huh. Yeah. Where is he? *she pauses for the other caller to finish.* He's in the Land of the Dead. *to caller* Wait, really?

*Riri looks concerned while Rika is annoyed.*

: Don't worry, Ririchiyo. Topaz is still alive. He just needs us to go rescue him first! *to caller* And thanks for the news, I'll be sure to keep in touch. *hangs up phone*

: This sounds complicated.

: It isn't. All it will take is a simple teleportation spell. Their Land of the Dead seems to have a lot of leeway.

: Must be a revolving door...

: Wait. Then, if it's so easy to get into why didn't you find him when you searched?

: I can't go to the Land of the Dead. They're making a special exception for the occasion.

: *irritated* And just what did you do to cause the Land of the Dead to kick you out?

: I might have... sort of... Stalked Komachi...

*Rika sighs and facepalms.*

: You'd understand if you saw her! Those great perfect orbs, as if sculped by the heavens themselves...

*Rika kicks Kimiko in the shin.*

: Enough of your dumb fantasies! Is there anywhere else you're banned from going? For future reference, of course.

: I can't go to the underground hot springs any more...

*She remembers the reasons why.*


: Hey, let me guess. It involves breasts in some way.

: Sort of, in a way.

: Pervert...

: That's fine, I just want to find Topaz. Er, because I want to scold him for his thoughtless behavior! (I can't tell them the real reason...)

: It might take a week to get there, or at least until the end of the blog.

: Well then, let's hope that he starts talking about a girl soon!

===Meanwhile===

*In the Land of the Dead, Topaz approaches a desk with a chair rocking back and forth. The chair is facing away from him, and the girl in the chair begins to speak.*

???: So you're the still-living person who arrived in Komachi's boat...

That I am, they call me...

*The girl turns the chair in an epic fashion.*

: Do you think that I, the Yama of this realm, do not know all that pass through it? You're EmperorTopaz, blogger of girls.

Sounds like I'm popular down here. Must be Aya's articles.

: Do not take my power of the Yama lightly. In order for you to leave, I must first judge you.

What a coincidence, I could judge you right back.

: W-what? You do not have such powers!

Well, not to the amount that you have. My numbers are likely more arbritrary, but I'm sure you'd score well.

: Hmmm, although your blog is mostly cosmetic, I cannot say I am not curious to hear your thoughs. Please entertain me. This is a good deed you can do right now.

Well then, I hope it won't send me to hell but-

: I assure you, nothing you will say will change your stay or leave here. My answer will be unchanged.

What? You've already decided what to do with me?

: I have. After years of reviewing I've gotten quite fast at it. Do not think I am sloppy though, I have weighed the options clearly. I am just curious as to what one such as yourself thinks of me.

Well then, it seems that...



(Note: I may be using fanon/personal opinions about Touhou characters)

Also, I'd like to add that her name has many translations. These include "Shikieiki", though it should be two words, and "Sikieiki", as she was first translated as. Japanese can be complex sometimes. So which would you prefer?

: Call me by my title: Yamaxanadu.

That sounds like a long and complicated name. I'll just call you Shiki.

: *sigh* I suppose I did know that you were lazy... I have not qualms with it, though.

Well then, let's get on with the blog!

Head
Hair: Shiki has greenish-blue hair, being more green than blue. It's a cool color, and one that's not too common. Speaking of not too common, she has about two different hair lengths in that the hair on the right side of her head goes past her shoulder while the left side is cut short. The left is nearly boyish as well, showing her ear, but not on the right. It's hard to tell exactly how long her hair is, but in the manga she seems to just be a long side-bang. Speaking of bangs Shiki's are pretty nice. I'm not too fond of the part in the middle though, she deserves a true hime cut rather than two parathesis.
Of course, we can't forget about one of Shiki's most notable features: her hat. Shiki's hat is one of the most ornate and fanciest hats in all of Gensokyo. It looks like a crown, having gold decorations and crown "tips" around a blue fabric. It also has a blue belt around a white cloth. Finally, she has a red-and-white ribbon, with the right being red on top and white on bottom while her left is the opposite. I really like her hat.
Grade: B+

Eyes: Unlike Komachi last week, Shiki has not been in any fighting games. As a result we're mainly stuck with the main game and some manga moments (having a Touhou character get forced to use their game is not a good thing). She doesn't have special eyes, and about the only big thing is that her eye color is a bluish and looks somewhat similar to her hair.
Grade: B-

Face: Like with eyes we don't have a great source for Shiki's face. At least she faces forward, which is sort of special compared to other characters. As with most Touhou characters she does have fairy small features, though it's possible that Shiki is somewhat pale (at least to me). One notable thing is that she'll keep a patient smile when scolding people, unlike some fan sources where she's quick to anger.
Grade: B-

Body
Build: Like a lot of Touhou characters, Shiki doesn't have a set way for people to draw her. Shiki herself may be one of the biggest differences. You see, a lot of the time she's portrayed as a short girl, and that's the way I see her as well. However, this is a product of sprite limitations (her hat takes up some of the area) as she seems to be as tall as Komachi. Considering Komachi is quite tall I was surprised by this, even going against canon to think of Shiki as still being a short girl. Nothing wrong with lolis, after all. I like the extra contrast. Her height also appears a lot shorter in the Grimore of Marisa as well. Of course, either way we don't have much to go on. She does seem somewhat stocky, but I blame that on a possibly thick outfit. For some reason, Shiki DOES have one unique feature in fanart: she's a leg girl. I'm sure at least one of my friends will appreciate that...
Grade: C+

: Hmmm... Seems that writing this blog is difficult.

Well, I don't have much to go on. Perhaps if you show me your body...

: *Blushes and covers herself* W-WHAT? HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A THING!

I don't mean you have to get naked or anything. I meant you should get out from behind that desk. I can't see your lower half, and your height could be hidden by a high seat in that chair.

: High... chair... Are you calling me an INFANT?

No no no. Even if I think you're short you're not THAT bad. I just mean that it's hard to get your sitting height from this position. And if you're not coming out, I'll just look back there and-

*Shiki holds out her Rod of Remorse to prevent him from going further.*

: That's enough. No one is allowed at this seat other than ME! Blog or not!

Fine then. I guess it'll be a great mystery like with Patchouli's bust size.

: Oh, I know that.

REALLY?

: Not telling you though.

Dawwwww....

: Just get back to the blog.

Breasts: B-but I don't want to talk here next. I plead the fifth!

*Topaz get struck with the Rod of Remorse.*

: Stop that this instant! There's no reason for you to stop the blog here. Do your job!

*Topaz sighs* I suppose it would be unfair to skip this. Alright. Again, this area is a flexible. However, it's pretty given that she has a modest if not flat chest. This is how I see it, and it plays up the contrast between her and Komachi well. That said it's also gone so far as to make Shiki jealous of Komachi and wanting large breasts herself. However, this is more the fanon personality rather than the more accurate one. It's hard to tell officially, but I imagine she has a flat chest.
Grade: D

So how was that?

: A bit more depressing hearing about it from you, but I have no problems with my chest size. You may continue with the blog.

Clothes: Despite not having a lot of outfits I do like Shiki's. It's a military-like dark blue vest with red buttons and gold decor on the shoulders over a white shirt and a short black skirt. She also has ribbons on her forearms, which are red and white. Her alternate outfit makes her hat and dress be red while her white shirt is purple. She also always carries the Rod of Remorse with her as well, which she uses to punish people by writing their sins on them. She also has a cleansed crystal mirror, which reflects past deeds and is tiring to use, but it's not shown in her sprites. Hers takes the form of a hand mirror. Finally, as said before, Shiki is a leg girl. As a result of this, or maybe her short skirt, she became known to have zettai ryouki. No, not the other blogger, I mean she had thighhigh socks. It's strange though, considering that after that her OFFICIAL leg wear was shown and she seems to have extremely low socks as to mock that idea (though it does show off more of her legs, so who knows).
Grade: B+

Mind
Personality: Shiki is the Yama in charge of Gensokyo. For those who don't know, a Yama is the person who judges the deceased on where they go after death. As a result, she can see into a persons past deeds and scolds them if they misbehave. Her lectures are so well-known that Yukari, probably the strongest character in Gensokyo, is afraid of Shiki. This may just be because she's avoiding the lectures, but still. However, she's just trying to keep people from going to hell, rather than sending them for no reason like Fanon tends to think. If anything her motto of "Hell does not exist to punish sinners. Hell exists to ensure that no-one sins." is more supportive of the opposite. She also doesn't discriminate between youkai and humans, telling both Reimu and Yuuka (who is a youkai) to do their jobs better. Shiki does preach a lot to the characters, but to be fair they're not exactly the most righteous and she's doing it with patience. Most of the time, at least. She's a bit harsher with Komachi, but this is more a case of a boss getting mad at a lazy employee rather than Shiki being jealous of Komachi's chest (or anything else the fanon could come up with).
Shiki's ability is to establish something as good or bad (basicaly black and white). While this doesn't seem like a powerful ability, do realize that you can't overturn her opinion. Even a popular "OBJECTION" would have no effect against this judge! She's also the final boss as well, so you can imagine she's pretty powerful. In the Touhoumon games her "Judgement" is the only OHKO attack in the game and only she can learn it. She's also a Steel/Psychic type, though sadly she doesn't have a mega evolution (this was in Gen III). Overall I really like Shiki. She's one of my top Touhou characters still, and in general I like "lawful" girls like her. It would help if fanon stopped taking her lectures to the extreme. Though I do like her "Danzai Yamaxanadu" fan video, but that could be because her song (Fate of Sixty Years) is so good. Also, while I haven't heard anyone else think of it, her odd choice of Kanji for her name makes me think of chuunibyous for some reason.
Grade: A

Libido: Like with Komachi last week, there's no official sources for her libido. Probably the closest to her would be Komachi, hence one of the reasons I pair the two. To be fair Shiki is the tsundere one in their relationship, but I don't hold it against her.
Grade: C

Age: As a yama Shiki is immortal, and her actual age is unknown. Due to her size she's sometimes portrayed as a child, but I just assume she's sort (as said before). Komachi also says that she was originally a jizou statue who came to life after receiving enough faith.
Grade: B

Total Grades: 64
Average score: 7.1
Final Grade: B-

And that's your blog. What do you think about it?

: I did enjoy it, though I'm surprised that I scored the same as my lazy employee. How did that happen?

Well, let's just say that, while you're one of my favorites, there are certain areas where you're lacking. Komachi, on the other hand, has those but I'm not as big a fan of hers in other places.

: I see. Well, it's time to make my judgement... Topaz, you are-

*Topaz gulps, but Shiki's door swings open.*

???: Let Topaz go!

: Who keeps me from my business!

*Riri, Rika, and Kimiko all walk forward.*

: See, I told you we'd make it in time.

: That you did, though no thanks to Kimiko...

*Kimiko turns towards her, showing a red hand-print mark on her face.*

: Hey, it's not my fault Komachi was just sleeping there...

: You were staring at her! No wonder she slapped you!

: But....

: CALM DOWN EVERYONE!

*The three girls stare at Shiki, who clangs her Rod on the desk.*

: I'm not a fan of monkeying around in my room. If you have something to say, tell me then leave. I have a judgement to give.

: Alright then, please let us take Topaz back!

: Oh, you're vouching for him? Perhaps you'd like to remind me of his past deeds, and I'll see if they sway my opinion. After all, I do know you're a pervert...

: (P-pervert? What was Topaz doing with her) Uhm, He stopped Kanon, Tsukiko, and Hayate just this year. The latter was also a worldwide problem, from what I heard.

: Before that he defeated Maho who was attacking in a giant ship. He also defeated her minions of Iria and Chinatsu.

: Even before that he beat Dokuro-chan, Hinagiku, Quattro, and Tae as well as the space loli Riro who was planning on stealing all glasses for herself.

: Weren't all those battles BECAUSE he was doing his job?

Er... uhm...

: No matter, your words refused to change my opinion. Topaz, for entering the Realm of the Dead without dying, I sentence you to... Leave.

NOOO! Wait, what?

: You can just go. I knew about all these things before thanks to my mirror. Hearing your assistants talk so highly of you is commendable, though. I can't fault you for doing your job either.

: Topaz is.. free?

*She starts to tear up and hugs Topaz, quickly joined by the other two.*

: Wow, it's like she was able to read our minds!

*Kimiko coughs and blushes a bit.*

: Something wrong?

: I-I'm just so relieved that Empry is finally saved! Thank you, Yama!

: I approve of you upholding my verdict. BUT! I will have you return with the help of a shikikami. I can't have you walking back and forth through the threshold of death at will.

*Komachi peeks her head out of the doorway.*

: I don't know who you're getting to do it, but do remember that I'm not a valid target.

*Kimiko feels glares from Komachi.*

: That's fine, I luckily have a loaned one from another Yama. I hope you don't mind.

As long as I'll be alive, I don't mind!

: Good! Especially as I want to see at least one more good deed by the end of the year.

I'm sure that I'll find a way.

*A blue haired kimono girl flies through the door on an oar. She's wearing a pink kimono.

: You wanted me, Shiki Eiki?

: That I did, Botan. I want you to escort these four out of here. Maybe watch over them a bit, to make sure nothing funny happens.

: *salutes* On it!

*Botan escorts the four of them out. As they leave Komachi rushes in.*

: What is it? Looking for another excuse to get out of work?

: No, it's THIS!

*Komachi pulls an envelope out of her cleavage, which Shiki opens and reads. Her mouth opens in shock.*

: WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW ME EARLIER!

: You know I don't like that Kimiko girl!

: But still, I can't believe that remnants of that book were somehow sensed in this area! They must have been brought here by some sort of spirit. Close down the doors, make sure it doesn't escape!

: ON IT!

*Topaz and others are outside of the castle as the portcullus shuts behind them.*

Well, that was a close one. Everyone out?

: Yeah.

: We're all here.

: I wonder what happened to make them close it down. That shouldn't happen.

I'm sure they just want their privacy...

*Suddenly a shooting pain is sensed in Topaz's body. He grasps his chest and falls to one knee.*

: ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

*She goes and checks.*

Y-yeah, I'm fine. I just probably have a bit of a headache from staying in there so long...

*He stands up and continues, unaware at the remnants stuck in his chest pulse slightly with demonic power...*
Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 4, 2014 10:37 AM | 0 comments
November 27th, 2014
This is the Three-hundredth-thirteenth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*We start this blog at Topaz's house. Rirchiyo is pacing while Rika is playing 3DS.*

: Hey, what's a good name for my starter?

: I don't know, Captain Punch? I can't think with Kimiko looking for Topaz like this.

: Uh-huh... And what should I call this HM Slave I just caught? It's a beaver, if you need to know.

: Anthony. Wait, how can you be playing video games while Topaz is out there?

: Well, it's not like I can do much here! All we can do is wait.

: True...

*Suddenly Kimiko Topaz comes through the door. She takes off her snow supplies and looks disappointed.*

: I don't like that look. Please tell me you found Topaz!

*Kimiko shakes her head.*

: Oh come on. It's obvious what's happened. She found him, and she's going to act like this to get our hopes up. Then Topaz is going to crash through the door and we'll praise him for finally getting here.

*Kimiko bows her head while Rika fakes laughter.*

: Wahahaha... You two have got us good! Really Topaz. You can come out now!

*Ririchiyo places her hand on Rika's shoulder.*

: I-I don't think she's joking. Are you...

: I'm afraid this is no joke. I've been EVERYWHERE and can't find Topaz anywhere! Either he's lost forever or he's purposely avoiding me! I even asked everyone I know to keep an eye out for him!

: I hope we get information soon...

Posted by emperortopaz | Nov 27, 2014 9:04 AM | 0 comments
August 28th, 2014
Anime Relations: Moetan
This is the Three-hundreth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Topaz stands outside his house.*

Welcome back everyone! As you can tell, this is a big day. Today we celebrate the 300th blog! Okay, so technically this isn't the 300th blog due to the meganekko day specials, and that's not even counting the rare times I do two girls at once. It's also not counting guest blogs either. But, as far as blog days on Thursdays go, this is the 300th example. And do I have a treat for you! Well, I suppose that it's more of a treat for ME, but still. But, if there's newcomers or people unfamiliar with the series I'm going to discuss today I'll give a short synopsis. Sometime in May of 2011 my friend Zettai and I decided to make ideal girls for the other and write stories about them. We've been doing this ever since, and it's been a daily occurrence where we'd give each other a paragraph or two of erotic fiction for the other. I do enjoy doing this, and as a result I decided to include this into the blog. Now, let's enter and see whose here! Even if I can assume who it is...

*Topaz enters the door and enters. He eventually makes it to his living room.*

Posted by emperortopaz | Aug 28, 2014 1:03 PM | 0 comments
December 26th, 2013
Anime Relations: Fire Emblem
This is the Two-hundred-and-sixty-fifth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone! This is the last blog of the year 2013, glad you could join us. This is the week I usually look back on my favorite meganekko, but unfortunately we're not home yet, are we Kimiko?

Kimiko: No.. But I figured you'd like this place as well!

It does have a medieval appeal, but I'd prefer to know where I am.

Kimiko: That's a secret to everyone...

Grrr....

Kimiko: So why are you in such a bad mood?

Well, I think I stepped in horse manure. there's plenty of it out with all those cavaliers chasing each other.

Kimiko: I was wondering what that smell was...

Hey!

*Suddenly a woman lifts up Topaz's leg and inspects his shoe.*

???: *Talking to herself* Hmmm, the color variation looks alright- if a bit dark. A perplexing question. It looks red as if the horse had eaten meat. Ah, is this Wyvern feces? I hadn't heard of anyone investigating this before though that may be more a question of practicality and motivation....

Hey, what are you doing?

???: Hm? Oh, is my research causing you aggravation? *sets Topaz's leg down.* Please excuse me, when I see something worthy of research sometimes I do not think about how it may impact others.

*The girl stands from her kneeling position, holding her loose cloth-like covering. Upon standing upright, she adjusts her glasses in a beautiful flourish that wastes no movement. The two Topazs stare in awe until Emperor finally speaks.*

...Remember when I disliked this place?

Kimiko: Yeah.

...Not anymore...

Kimiko: Me neither...

???: You two seem quite transfixed on my spectacles, to the point where I wonder if I have charmed you. Unless I have stumbled upon a previously unknown spell I know I haven't enchanted you two. Perhaps if I research you further...

Oh, um. I suppose we were planning on doing the exact same thing.

Kimiko: Right, your favorite girl of the year and one of the few meganekkos worthy of calling "your waifu".

I doubt I'll ever find one that will replace Arima Senne in my heart, but it is true that I have liked this woman so much I married her. That's right folks...

Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 26, 2013 1:35 PM | 0 comments
December 19th, 2013
This is the Two-hundred-and-sixty-fourth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone. As you can see we're currently traveling back home, and more importantly, we're not lost between worlds! Luckily Leviathan didn't know that this world became one some time ago and we landed safely. However, it's still a long trip so Kimiko and I are staying in this rest stop we found. Isn't that right... Kimiko?

*Kimiko sighs while looking in the mirror. Topaz steps towards her.*

What's up?

Kimiko: Well, since we were in the Land of the Summons I was thinking I might have, you know, grown some.

I still don't know what you mean.

Kimiko: *flustered* I mean, if my... heart has expanded, so to speak.

I... What?

Kimiko: *angry* You know EXACTLY what I mean, idiot! *back to flustered, twiddling fingers* ...I-I'm wondering if my chest got bigger.

Is that all? Why do girls care so much about their chest size? I guess I can understand you, as you're a pervert like I am, but still.

Kimiko: It's complicated, alright!

Listen, Kimiko, chest size isn't important! It's what inside that counts!

Kimiko: Judging by your blogs that's not true....

My blogs are just my opinion, at least on certain things. There's many people out there that like flat chests just as much as I like busty ones. Seriously, girls need to be proud of what they have and not have green eyes of jealousy about what they don't have.

Kimiko: Though there's nothing wrong with green eyes.

True, at least some shades. Besides you know you'd be easily preoccupied with larger breasts.

Kimiko: ...But they'd be mine, so I could see them all the time.

Plus we weren't in the Land of Summons for that long. Rydia didn't change much either, she was still the cute loli version when we left.

Kimiko: Must have been my eyes then. So Topaz, since this isn't an anime do you know who you're doing today?

Well, since next week is Christmas I'm planning on doing my theme blog this week. I have someone in mind, but we've been unable to locate her in our search.

Kimiko: Oh, are you doing like the past few years and doing an Angel for Christmas?

Yeah, I think that it's appropriate. At least until I watch that one My Santa series. But it looks like we won't have her in time! *Looks up to the heavens* If only we had a sign from above!

*Suddenly a girl crashes through the wall, leaving a perfect girl-sized hole in the wall. Kimiko is surprised.*

Kimiko: HOLY GLASSES!

Hmm, guess all we needed was faith then.

*The mysterious girl stands up and dusts herself off before apologizing.*

???: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!

No worries, we were just wondering where you were. But now that you're here we can begin the blog!

???: Um, what's a blog? Is it something tasty?

*Kimiko regains her composure with a cough* Kimiko: Don't worry, he just wants to talk about you.

That's right, Colette.

Colette: Eh? You know my name?

*Holds up a wanted poster.* It's written right here, under "Chosen of Regeneration" *points*.

Kimiko: Right, it's not like we can't recognize names from papers, we're not idiots like certain harem leads.

Colette: You two are so confusing, I can't keep up with the conversation...

Don't worry, just stay with us as we discuss you.

Colette: 'Kay *smiles*. So where are we going?

Well, we found a way back to our home plane. However, there were enemies in the way so we decided to wait for you to fight them off.

Kimiko: We already spent all the fangs from the last blog!

Colette: No problem, I'm sure I'll be helpful!

*The three all leave together. After a bit, Topaz realizes something*

I never put up the blog information! As you readers can tell though...

Today's girl is:



Colette Brunel
from
Tales of Symphonia


Kimiko: Wait Empry, you haven't even finished that series! Or started, for that matter...

That's fine, I've played my way through BOTH games! Though I guess it was in English, but that shouldn't matter. Anyway, on to the blog!

Head
Hair: Colette has medium length hair that goes about to her mid- or lower back. It seems voluminous and fluffy, but at least as far as the game goes it usually stays in one place rather than be blown nicely in the wind. I do like how straight it is though, it falls down her back like a waterfall of wheat. A wheaterfall, I guess. Speaking of wheat though, I call it that as it's a somewhat bright blonde color. Anyway, her bangs aren't especially interesting but at least cover her forehead. I do like her side curls though, they fit around her face well.
In some costumes Colette has her hair in a different style. In one she has a braid, another with twin braided pigtails, while yet another she has her hair up in a ponytail. None of these are that impressive to me as I prefer her normal hairstyle.
Grade: B

Eyes: Colette's eyes are very round. I'm not a huge fan, but considering her personality having "kawaii" eyes works well. Her eyes also seem very "pure" as in they have next to no imperfections or light reflections. At least as far as official art goes. Finally, her eye color is blue. A sort of sky blue, if you want a specific. Like it was imaginative to give a girl blonde hair and blue eyes-*cough* sorry, I had a friend's opinion in my mouth. However, good for him as Colette's eyes turn red due to plot. Unfortunately they do revert though. Speaking of unfortunate things, it seems that Colette has a costume in the non-GC game from a past Tales game. I'll talk more about it, but I'll bring up that she DOES wear goggles in this outfit. Sadly though, she only wears them on the top of her head and not over her eyes.
Grade: C+

Face: Colette's face is simple and generic, but by this she's not terrible either. She's just sort of... there. She does have a sort of small nose and her face is overall a round shape. The only problem here is, well, the graphics of the GameCube. Obviously being two generations back doesn't mean that I'm expecting it to be flawless, but in gameplay it looks like her face is squat. And not just in the game either, the official art sometimes makes her mouth and nose close together and make her face look scrunched up or something. The anime, I presume, looks fine though.
Grade: B-

*While exploring the dungeon, the three happen upon an enemy that looks like a giant manta ray.*

Kimiko: So how do we defeat this?

If I learned anything from Pokémon, it's that we should use electricity.

Colette: Then I have just the thing- Para Ball!

*Two spheres of electricity hit the ray and defeat it. It quickly moves after the battle.*

That was an uneventful battle.

Kimiko: What do you expect, Para Ball is a physical electric attack.

Colette: I'm not sure what you two are talking about, but it sounds silly.

*The three continue onward.*

Body
Build: Unfortunately we head towards Colette's worst areas, at least in my opinion. Like with her face, the game graphics once again "squat" her down. The anime, again, is much better though I'm not saying the game's look is terrible (it's just a side effect of the technology). Overall Colette is a very slender and not curvy girl. I'm not sure how accurate they are, but it seems that she's about 158 cm and 44 kg which doesn't seem too bad. There's not a lot to point out. The only part I am a fan of is that she grows colorful mist-looking purple wings. They look really cool, and I like how they don't seem to attach to her back.
Grade: D+

Breasts: Rather than go into detail, I'll just say that during the hot spring skit Colette gains a title. This title is "Ironing Board", or "Pettanko" in Japan, so you can predict what her chest is like. As a call back, in Dawn of the New World, you can get Marta's title in the same way.
Grade: D

Clothes: While better than her body, Colette still has problems with her clothing choice. The main one being that BECAUSE of her clothes you can't really see much of her body and as a result I probably penalized it unfairly. Colette wears a white religious-looking robe-like outfit with blue trim. The bottom goes to her knees or so. Over it she has a matching poncho-like object with odd shoulder flaps. There's also two gold button-like objects on her front and back. Around her neck is a necklace that eventually gets a key crest, an important plot device, put into it. On bottom she wears big white boots and, best of all, dark blue tights. The modest design works well with Colette being a main heroine, but I'm not a huge fan of it.
Luckily Colette has a lot of other outfits! First there's the frilly waitress outfit which is a pale green maid-like outfit (a bit less pale in the official art) with thigh-highs and cute hat. Next is her swimwear but unfortunately it's not a school swimsuit (not even the token loli Presea dresses like that :/). Even worse, it's not much other than a white tank top and gradient PAREO. No one likes you pareo, go away! Also she wears sandals and we see how boring her legs are as well. There's also a "noble" outfit as well that she wears to a ball. It looks like a lolita-style dress with a lot of frills and has some similarities to German outfits I've seen but looks nice I think. She also wears wrist- and anklebands to go along with it. In the PS2 version she seems to dress like Lloyd, the main hero, with a red long-sleeved buttoned shirt, loose black pants, and big red boots.
Grade: B

*Continuing through the dungeon, they approach their next foe: a large electric cloud.*

Kimiko: I'd complain that the enemies in this dungeon don't make much sense, but this is actually a cool-looking enemy...

Colette: I know, I'll use Para Ball and-

WAIT! I think it absorbs electricity.

Kimiko: It's not weak to Ground either due to being half flying too. How are we going to defeat it?

I suppose we could throw a rock at it?

Kimiko: That would never work!

...What about a big rock?

*While the two are arguing the cloud reaches out to attack Colette. However, she luckily releases a toy hammer with an icy head. The hammer slams against the creature's face and destroys it.*

Oh, I guess we can use Ice as well, good idea Colette!

Colette: Thanks! What did I do?

Kimiko: Be lucky, I guess.

Mind
Personality: At birth Colette was clutching a Cruxis Crystal, a fairly plot-important item. This signaled that she was one of the Chosen, to be sent on her sixteenth birthday to go on a journey to save the world. A fairly common plot sure, but I do appreciate how far she goes to give herself up. Seriously, she loses quite a few of her senses and even becomes voiceless, emotionless, and even remove her soul from her body to get help everyone out. This leads to a silly troll moment from the male lead Lloyd involving hot chocolate and mind games. Luckily she does return to normal, at least Colette normal.
So what IS Colette normal? As a whole Colette is a ditz. Seriously, she's clumsy (though in lucky ways usually) and pretty dense, but overall you can tell she has a good heart. She was even able to be tracked by looking for Colette-shaped holes in walls as she fell through them so often! Not on screen, though. She also so oblivious that "Oblivious" is even a title for her; you have to enter a battle inflicted with the "Poison" status ailment and not cure it, but there's also a after-battle gag where the lead wants her to cure HIS poison and she foolishly thinks he means hers. She'll also apologize a lot, to the point of apologizing for apologizing when she doesn't need to. She's always smiling as well, with a cheerful and supportive personality. She's somewhat sheltered, but that fits in with the rest of her personality. She also likes dogs and gets a title if you name all the dogs in the game.
As far as combat goes, Colette uses Chakram and Angel Skills. I.. Seem to have forgotten to mention this, but Colette is a half-angel. But anyway, back to the fighting skills. Colette starts off only with a Chakram, a rounded boomerang of sorts. She also learns a few novelty attacks, such as hitting the opponent with a toy hammer, throwing lightning balls, or item stealing. Yes, the hero of the worlds is a thief (though that's not too incorrect considering they keep stealing from homes or breaking pots), though at least it's humorous as Colette trips while doing so and gets items in a "Whoops, I got something" sort of manner. As far as the Angel Skills, she gets them all through plot events and include shooting feathers, buffing ally stats, healing allies at the cost of Colette, and doing massive holy damage.
Finally, despite Colette being voiced by Nana Mizuki I can't say too many good things about her voice. Well, outside the fact that she sings really well. Nana is one of my favorite voice actresses in anime as well, so it's a shame. However, I think that this is more due to me being used to the English dub. Heather Hogan has a much lower voice so it makes Nana's voice seem high-pitched as a result.
Grade: B

Libido: As far as being perverse goes, Colette isn't that high. She's a pure maiden, after all. However, she does love Lloyd a lot and is a childhood friend. In fact, unless another character is higher Colette is the one that he gets with. She loves spending time with him, but she also views her duty as more important.
Grade: B-

Age: Colette is either 16 (in the first game and anime) or 18 (in Dawn of the New World). That's enough to give her a great score.
Grade: B

Total Grades: 57
Average score: 6.3
Final Grade: C+

Colette: That's a high score! I think!

That's far higher than Lloyd could get on a 1000 question exam, at least.

*Finally, Topaz, Kimiko, and Colette all enter a giant room with a large device in the middle.*

This must be what we were looking for!

Kimiko: Huh, I guess all universes can't have banishing serpent creatures but this is a bit odd to say the least.

But it looks like we're not alone!

*A giant four-armed skeleton drops from the sky wielding four blades. Instantly the group is put in a battle.*

Enemy: You'll never return from where you came! Gwarg!

Quick Colette, use Holy Song to make us stronger!

Kimiko: No, use Judgment! This enemy looks weak to holy and we need all the damage we can get!

Colette: Holy.... Judgment? Oops, I messed up. He he he...

*A magical energy shields the heroes while beams of light shoot at the Skeleton. It's easily hit multiple times due to his large body and is destroyed in no time.*

Kimiko: See, I knew Judgment would do it!

Hey, Holy Judgment is over four times stronger than the regular kind.

*Colette starts walking towards the two.*

Colette: Hey, stop fighting you two-OOF!

*Colette trips for no reason and hits the machine. It brims to life and sends Topaz and Kimiko to another dimension.*

Topaz & Kimiko: Ahhhhhh! *disappears*

Colette: Well, I hope they arrive safely!

Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 19, 2013 11:57 AM | 0 comments
December 12th, 2013
This is the Two-hundred-and-sixty-third week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Topaz sighs*

Kimiko: I know, right? We've been stuck in this village for a week it seems.

The people don't seem friendly to humans either, and it's not like there's any other humans down here to talk to. Luckily the birds at the item place give us the left over bread and rations each day or we'd starve as well.

Kimiko: Right, and the marsh or whatever that leads outside is far too dangerous for us and our low defenses. We'd surely croak! So WHY did we come here? It seems that there's no women around, save that blue one that keeps giving me the cold shoulder...

*Just as Kimiko questions there purpose, loud trumpets are heard.*

Announcer: The King has returned!

*A crowd of hooded creatures rush over to the teleporter gate. A giant serpent appears, carrying a green haired female in its mouth.*

Kimiko: Oh, now I see who you were think-

*More trumpets sound. Irritated, Kimiko yells at them.*

Kimiko: HEY! I was TRYING to hold a conversation here!

N-now Kimiko. Let's try not to make a scene.

*Despite Topaz's attempts to cool Kimiko down, they still attract unwanted attention from the King. He gently sets down the shivering girl in front of the two. From this distance it's easy to tell that she's soaked as well as crying in the fetal position*

???: I lost... everyone... again...

King: YOU! HUMANS! I bestow this young girl's care to you. I'll also give you any items you shall desire, so long as you train her well.

O-Okay?

Kimiko: We'll f-follow you, giant king snake thingy.

*whispers* That's Leviathan!

Kimiko: Oh, well then. King Leviatan!

Leviathan, not Leviatan! He's not a cute schoolgirl after all!

*Leviathan lets out a heavy chuckle.*

Leviathan: You amuse me, puny humans. If you shall need me, I'll be in the library.

*Leviathan slithers off and the crowd disperses.*

Kimiko: Anyway, what are we going to do with a wet loli?

Same thing we do with every- Er, I mean, do a blog on her!

Today's girl is:



Rydia
from
Final Fantasy IV


Kimiko: Hey, I like that game!

Me too, or else I can't imagine doing a blog on her! But first you should dry her off.

Kimiko: Why me?

*looks aside* Because it would look CREEPY if I did it...

Kimiko: I suppose that's fair.

*Time passes as Kimiko wipes off Rydia with a towel. Once she says she's alright, Topaz finally turns back around.*

I knew you could do it. *kneels down* So how are you feeling, Rydia?

Rydia: All my friends and family are dead *sniffle*.

Don't worry, I personally know that all of your friends will eventually be fine!

Rydia: R-really?

Yes, Edward's a bit bumped up and Yang is crazy, but they'll both be helpful in the future. Cecil will look different but he'll be the same person inside. Even Rosa you'll meet again!

Rydia: Wow, you know so much about the future.

I-er, I'm a prophet! Yes, that's it.

Rydia: What about my family?

Errrrr...

Kimiko: They're all dead, sadly.

*Rydia starts tearing up.*

Good going, Kimiko!

Kimiko: Sorry, I'm not good with kids!

*Topaz hugs Rydia cutely.*

Don't worry, your mother is always guarding you...

Rydia: *sniff* She is?

Yes, in the form of the Mist Dragon. Everyone knows dragons are cooler than people anyway!

Rydia: You're right, and I can summon her anytime I want to see her!

Exactly! So what else should we do to take care of you?

Rydia: Leviathan mentioned something about having me learn some summons- *gets wet note from pocket* Let's see, Ifrit, Shiva, and Ramuh are their names.

Huh, it looks like I have a request for Leviathan already. *scribbles notes on a piece of paper.* Here Kimiko, go ask for these items from him.

Kimiko: Sure, but first, before you start fighting, equip THESE.

Rydia: Spectacles? But I don't see how they can help...

*Rydia puts on the glasses and looks lovely in them. Kimiko, proud of this fact, heads off to speak to Leviathan.*

That does remind me of something though, I should be getting to the blog proper!

Head
Hair: Rydia's hair is a light green. I'd prefer it to be darker but that's personal preference and having it be green in general does make her stand out a lot. I'm pretty sure she's the only green-haired character in the game as well (she is at least among the other main characters). As far as style goes, I'm not a huge fan. It's parted to one side with some sort of decoration (perhaps a pin or some type of circlet) and that denies me the chance to see her with bangs. I also prefer symmetrical hair so I don't like Rydia's windswept look as it looks like she woke up on the wrong side of the bed. It's all swept to the right in a way I don't exactly like, being kept up in some odd ponytail bush.. thing. It's hard to describe, I guess. I do like her length though, if it were down it would each about her mid back. I'm also reminded of Gau from FFVI, but that's likely because they both have green motifs.
Grade: C+

Eyes: Rydia's eyes are a lot harder to tell. The sprite work just isn't as apparent as with her hair. From the more recent versions I can see that they're a shade of blue or green and her eyes are somewhat narrow. To be fair, I think the latter is just because that's how most Japanese-made games do 3D graphics, but still. Otherwise there's not much to say. About her eyes, at least.
Grade: B-

Face: Well, obviously I'm not counting Theatrhythm's designs; those are silly and super deformed on purpose. But getting back to Rydia's face, it's difficult to tell. Much like her eyes the fact that she is from when games used sprites works against her. At least we do see her face in the cut-outs and menus in the later remakes. Between all of them, I prefer the DS and PSP versions the most. The DS has a more concrete, attractive look while the PSP version bring out a lot of her gentle appeal. I am not a fan of the later PSP or android version as well as the After Years, they've just been making her too pale recently. Not that I mind paleness, but there's a difference between looking pale and being camouflaged for winter weather.
There's also a chance that Rydia has a sizable nose, but her smooth skin and nice soft shape make me like it. There's also the fact that, despite being modeled in 3D in the DS and later games she doesn't have the odd CG uncanny valley look to her.
Grade: B

Kimiko: Yoooohooooo!

*Kimiko runs up to Topaz with a large bag.*

Kimiko: Leviathan wondered why I came so quickly, but he managed to give us all you asked for. I wonder why you wanted so many teeth though... *Hands the bag to Topaz, who then inspects it.*

Hmmm, looks like enough fangs. Here, Rydia. Take these *hands bag to her*.

Rydia: What's all this for?

Throw the red ones at Shiva and the white ones at Ifrit. You'll win in no time!

Rydia: O-Okay?

*Rydia leaves to face her challenges alone.*

Kimiko: So what have you been doing with her?

Just my blog.

Kimiko: Huh, we should probably continue then.

Right, luckily I was able to get her to leave before anything major was revealed.

Body
Build: The official statistics for Rydia place her at 1.07m tall and 18 kg (3'6" and 40 lbs, respectively), or that's at least as close to official as I can find. Anyway, as you can tell we first see her as a child. I don't think I need to say much about her in this form.
However, once she gets to the Feymarch/Land of Summons/wherever, she appears adult-sized. She doesn't actually age I think, but her body becomes much shapelier due to the time difference there (not that it affects the party once they arrive though). Her body is at least somewhat shapely; it's attractive but not over the top. She does expose a lot of her legs but otherwise I can't think of another point of interest. This is one point that fan art certainly helps (as silly as it could be).
Grade: B-

Breasts: Obviously Rydia doesn't have much of a chest as a child. Again, returning from the Feymarch she does appear adult-like, including sporting a nice set of breasts. Not that you can tell in-game, DS and recent releases excluded. I suppose it's good that it's not commented on in-game; characters are more glad to see Rydia return than to comment on her growth. You'd think at least one of them would notice her cleavage in that outfit though!
Grade: C

Clothes: Speaking of that, it's time to talk about Rydia's outfits! Predictably she doesn't have much in the way of variety. While the DS version at least allows the weapons to look different, the armors don't have a distinct look (so no dressing her up as a prisoner, in case that's your fetish). As a child Rydia wears a blue-green dress with shoulder pads that looks really cute.
Somehow in the time in the Feymarch she began to dress more provocative. She returns wearing a green leotard-like outfit with some cleavage showing (there's more in the FMVs than in the actual game though). She also wears long fingerless gloves up to her elbows which are a green like the rest of her outfit. She also wears thigh-high boots, at least I imagine they're boots. Like everything else, it's a green color. Finally, she wears a green cloak on her back.
In The After Years Rydia's outfit becomes even MORE revealing. Eidolons are corrupting the poor pure Rydia, I guess. Anyway, it's similar to her adult version but with more cleavage showing AND a necklace to point it out more too. Not only that, but the gloves I guess are part of the outfit as they're attached to the shoulders (barely, her shoulders are revealed). Even then they have a few holes in them. Speaking of holes, Rydia's SIDES are exposed as well. Only that looks intentional! On bottom she wears a V-shaped leg strap to sort of cover her front (the leotard looks like it's on its last hurrah). There's also metal bits that I imagine poke her for no good reason. FASHION! If you can't tell that her outfit is incredibly sexy, remember this: Nintendo of America's censorship board is a lot more lenient these days, and they STILL had to cover up Rydia (and other girls) outfits for the The After Years. I like the more modest version of this outfit more, a lot of the useless holes are filled, her cleavage is a lot more subdued and they gave her shorts I think. The only minus is that they gave her shorts AND a pareo. I can see that they didn't want the original outfit to look strange after they colored the shorts, but still! At least the opening FMV doesn't look to terrible.
And it's still better than what happened to Porom, what with the pink hair and see-through clothing...
Grade: B-

Rydia: What's that about pink clothing?

*Topaz and Kimiko jump at Rydia surprising them.*

Kimiko: Um, well.

If you find a pink blob enemy that drops a puffy tail, I've heard rumors of someone who will make amazing armor for it!

Rydia: Wow, that's really useful information. You two people have such great knowledge!

Kimiko: *aside* nice save. So how goes the Eidolons hunt?

Rydia: Wonderful! I already captured Shiva and Ifrit, but I don't know how to beat up Ramuh now...

Kimiko: Have you tried Titan?

Kimiko, this isn't Pokémon.

Kimiko: That retort is Super Effective!

I have an idea, Rydia. Just-*Topaz whispers in her ear*.

Rydia: I see then, thanks for the great idea mister!

*Rydia runs off.*

Kimiko: Hmmm, did she look taller than when we last left her?

I didn't notice, maybe? But while she's gone let's finish up her blog.

Mind
Personality: Rydia's story is a great one, at least in my opinion. The first time we see her she's lost her parents due to the "hero" of the game destroying her village. She manages to defeat the player using Titan, but also brings down a mountain range. After being protected by the hero Cecil she travels the world with him. She makes for a great Black Mage and even has some White Mage talents as well as the ability to summon Chocobo (and Whyt in the DS version). However, she doesn't learn any fire moves. This is because she refuses to cast it all due to her home burning down by Bombs. Rosa, another mage and Cecil's love, manages to calm her when they needed her ability to get through an ice-covered mountain range. As a child she's a kind and gentle but isn't afraid to smack people if they don't have a reason to cry. She matures surprisingly quickly, and I don't mean about her body in the Feymarch. For a seven year old to go through what she has and STILL be optimistic makes for a very inspirational character.
Eventually, as you can tell by the story part of my blog, Rydia is swallowed by Leviathan and taken to the Feymarch/Land of Summons/ Respective location in your version of the game. She remains there until she's needed for a Deus ex Machina in a battle against Golbez. After that she's MOSTLY in the party to stay, Cecil's sexism notwithstanding (there's not good reason for Rydia to NOT go to the moon!). In the DS version you can also hear her inner thoughts when going to the menu screen (all characters do this, of course). Often Rydia is the one to keep the party on track, trying to rescue Rosa, being glad to see everyone, or even putting her past behind her to fight against Golbez. That takes a lot of dedication and Rydia is a great heroine of the SNES jRPG era I'd like to think.
I may have mentioned it before, but Rydia as a child has the abilities of White and Black magic and Summons. This means she can cast attack and defensive magic and can also call creatures for a powerful attack (this is for the ones out there that don't know Final Fantasy, I guess). She does lose White magic as an adult, but as you'll be using her as a black mage it doesn't matter too much. The reason I bring up her talents is because Summoning is one of my favorite abilities and casting is up there as well. More divine casting, but White magic sort of counts. I tend to like mages more than the combat-oriented classes so Rydia is great in my eyes. She even has a glitch as in the old games she had Cura added to her spell list when she returned (along the other 2/-ara spells like Ice 2/Blizzara) but without White magic selectable it's useless. Speaking of spells, Rydia can also cast Meteor at a high enough level, and ingame it's treated as a VERY powerful spell so good for her!
Grade: A

Libido: I can't tell much about Rydia's libido. Obviously it's nonexistent as a child, but as an adult she does get hit on a lot by Edge, another party member. In The After Years they share a band (IE a combination attack) called "Broken Heart" so that might give you an idea of how she feels about this affection. She sees both Tellah and Rosa as respective teachers, and she's apparently "bound by fate" to Cecil. I don't think that means anything that would be important here, but who knows. She can also equip whips which could have questionable motives. I'm not judging, but with two other girls and a Meganekko leading them she has a band called "Call Me Queen" that hits the enemy and turns them into a pig. I'm not saying anything, but...
Grade: C

Age: *Ahem* Anyway, Rydia is a bit difficult to classify in the Age area. Chronologically she's 7 when we first see her. Her actual age after returning from the Feymarch has never been released though. Oddly, it seems that she's 8 in the interlude so she can't have aged THAT much. It seems that she's 24 in The After Years, but I'm not sure how accurate that is. In other words, much like Nanoha I have to take her average age through the three games of 13. But remember, despite her age her body and mind are a lot more mature.
Grade: C

Total Grades: 61
Average score: 6.8
Final Grade: B-

And with that we're done with the blog for the week!

Kimiko: Just in time, look who has returned!

Rydia: Hello!

How was Ramuh?

Rydia: I beat him, but I don't think he likes me very much. I kicked him and he said I broke his staff. Then he called me a cheater and ran off to tell the king.

Kimiko: TOPAZ! What, or should I say WHERE, did you tell Rydia to kick?

Hey, I only suggested physical attacks! The rest was all her idea!

*A shadow looms over the group*

KING LEVIATHAN! H-how goes things?

Leviathan: Enough of this foolish training. I was wrong to tell YOU two to train Rydia for her trials! You've made a MOCKERY of the challenge!

Hey, at least we didn't burn down the obstacle course!

Leviathan: ENOUGH! I shall banish you between two worlds for this!

Kimiko: I hope he means between big-

I don't think he does, sadly...

*Leviathan utters a forbidden spell, sending Kimiko and Topaz through a portal. They scream until the portal finally shuts.*

Leviathan: As for YOU, I'll allow you to keep the Eidolons you have obtained right now, including Ramuh, but until some future date you are forbidden to fight any others. Including me and the Queen.

Rydia: Topaz... Kimiko...

Leviathan: Hmmm, you were bonded better than I had though. Perhaps I'll remove this memory from ALL other subjects here. From this day, RYDIA shall be known as the ONLY human that has stepped foot in the Feymarch!

*Leviathan once again utters a spell and a rainbow haze covers the city. All memory of Topaz's visit is forgotten.*

*In a daze, Rydia returns to a dwelling Leviathan told her to stay. Still confused, she takes off the glasses Kimiko's glasses and puts them on a dresser. They sadly fall behind it after a few days, possibly forever...*
Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 12, 2013 11:38 AM | 0 comments
December 5th, 2013
This is the Two-hundred-and-sixty-second week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Topaz reappears in a field, not knowing that he had been transported. He continues to have his arms outstretched and is soon hugged by a much flatter girl than he was expecting.*

This doesn't feel like Maou...

???: Well then I'm SORRY for not being a meaty girl like her. Though I guess it's for the best, I wouldn't get anything done if I was like Komachi...

That voice, that love of large breasts... TOPAZ?

Kimiko: That's right, I've rescued you from the Underworld! Though from the sounds of things, it looks like I wasn't necessary...

N-no, I do thank you for that. I was trapped there for over two months so I missed my assistants. Glad to see you again, Topaz.

Kimiko: That's more like it. Be gracious, I had to promise a favor to Yukari to have you transport you here!

Yukari huh. Is she still here? I'd love to do my blog on her.

Kimiko: I wouldn't mind it myself either. She's a delicious busty lady. But sadly she said she wanted only to stay in the background until it's finally time.

Strange, sounds like something a boss would say.

Kimiko: Huh, hopefully we won't fight her!

That would be terrible-

*Rustling occurs in a nearby bush, and Kimiko even notices a lens glare coming from inside.*

Kimiko: TOPAZ! LOOK OUT!

*Panicking, Kimiko pushes Topaz down and uses her power to shatter the lens. The mysterious figure walks out of the bushes, revealing...*

Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 5, 2013 12:16 PM | 0 comments
February 21st, 2013
Anime Relations: Inu x Boku SS
This is the Two-hundred-and-twenty-first week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Topaz is playing video games*

: So THIS is what you're up to! Aren't you supposed to be doing a blog!

I can't help it! Today's girl is forcing me to play!

: And where is this "girl" of yours? (Y-you have a girl in your room besides me! D-did I do something wrong?).

???: That's right! Topaz is my toy in exchange for allowing him the privilege of doing ME for the blog!

*The mystery girl tightly wraps her pantyhose-clad thighs around Topaz's neck, nearly choking him. He's sitting on the floor while she's on the bed*

: You'd better leave, Topaz and I are going to be playing fighting games after this. We don't need YOU to help!

: N-nonsense! If I were to leave you alone Topaz won't get his blog done. Now release him from your legs!

: I don't know, he seems to be enjoying this, aren't you PERVERT! *Girlfriend grips Topaz's neck tighter*

Can-t... breathe.... *Topaz smacks the sides of the girl's legs in desperation, causing him to game over.*

: *Sigh* REALLY? You can't handle this? Oh well, now that you're dead in the game we might as well play another.

: Topaz! What about your blog!

I'm trying, but she won't let me!

: Well then, I suppose it's time for this plan.

*Ririchiyo pulls her glasses out of her pocket and grabs Topaz's laptop*

: I'll just make it so that you can't resist working on it!

*Ririchiyo opens the laptop and places it on her lap, then sits on Topaz's own lap.*

: There, now you'll do it for sure!

I can't argue with such a cute loli on my lap, so let's get goin-BLERG! *Topaz's sentence is cut short as the mysterious girl kicks her feet against his face*

: No fair! I had him first!

I'll play plenty of games later, but let's get started on today's blog! Hopefully without more kicking...

Today's girl is:


Though, once again, due to how the series works we have no idea the name of today's girl. Let's just call her:
Girlfriend
from
Houkago Play


As a side note, because I haven't read the other books in the series I can only talk about the first series. This is because they aren't translated.

: What are you talking about? They've been translated since last year!

: Mwahaha, I guess that Topaz really DOESN'T research his girls!

Hey, I haven't looked at the series in a while. Besides, I didn't know it was translated until today so give me a break!

Head
Hair: Once again we look upon Girlfriend and see the best that hair can offer. At least, in my opinion. She has very nice black hair, which works well as Houkago Play is a manga-exclusive series. Not only is it black though, it also has a hime cut, which is required for me to give a "perfect score". Her hair is even long, straight, and usually free. It even flows beautifully down her sides as well, though then it tends to melt against her similar-covered shirt so I can't give an idea of how long it is exactly is. I expect it's as long as her actual hair and goes to her feet or so. All in all I really like Girlfriend's hair. It's long, dark, and has a hime cut. Could I really ask for more?
Yes I could. I should mention that she even wears cat ears at one point to attract Boyfriend (his name is as vague as hers).
Grade: A+

Eyes: Girlfriend's eyes are where it starts to go downhill for her. You see, Houkago Play has a very distinct art style. It's pretty choppy compared to other series and uses a lot of thick lines. There are times that Girlfriend's eyes look oddly shaped and I'm not a fan of those times. At times it even looks like she has thick bags under her eyes (which, considering she's a gamer, might be intentional) It certainly takes getting used to, which is never a good sign. Aside from that, her eyes are yellow. I'm not a fan of yellow eyes (gold is alright, but yellow is too bright), so I suppose it's good that the show doesn't have an anime for that reason. Her eyes can be compared to a snake's as well, which isn't a good sign. They do make for a nice inward slope, though. Overall there's just too many flaws I see in Girlfriend's eyes to give her a great score.
However, there ARE times that Girlfriend wears glasses. It's a very rare occasion (as she tends to wear contacts instead), but they do look great. Even though they're simple and might actually be frameless, they do at least cover her entire eye.

Grade: B-

Face: As I said previously, Houkago Play has a unique art style. This means that Girlfriend's face might look odd in general (due to angle and such). As this is a manga, there's also the problem that her tongue is BLACK. I assume this was just due to it being a manga, but it still looks very different compared to other series. Then again, it also allows the art to make her emotions much clearer with that freedom. Believe me, Girlfriend can certainly have some cute expressions. There are even times that her face is "red", and that includes around her eyes all the way up to her hime cut. She's not exactly one of the "best" girls I've blogged about, but she does have her own style and her facial emotions are nearly unmatched.
Grade: B-

Body
Build: Girlfriend's main aspect is that she's tall and has long legs. She's about a head taller than Boyfriend, though that might be because he slouches as well. She's also pretty slender, though we don't get a good look at her body so I can't be sure. The main problem is that we really don't see her body like her stomach or butt so I can't judge her there.
What I WILL say is that Girlfriend's main "fetish part" is undenyably her legs and feet. She always wears pantyhose, and occasionally high heels to show them off. Not only that, but she's always kicking him, using his head as an footstool, or even rubbing them over his face, neck, and shoulders at one point. There's even a scene where he gives her expired milk and, when she spits it out, forces him to clean it off her pantyhose as if it were "something else". As for if *I* like her feet...
: You'd better.

I do. Though I can understand others not enjoying the simplistic design.
: YOU'RE the one with the "simplistic" MIND! *Slams foot down on Topaz's head*
OW!
Grade: B

Breasts: We don't see much of Girlfriend's chest due to how the panels are usually set up. However, she does seem to have a fair set of breasts on her. I wouldn't quite go calling her "busty" (that would be her Club Leader), but she's not flat either.
Grade: B-

Clothes: Girlfriend's main outfit is DEFINITELY in my tastes. She usually wears her school uniform which consists of a black jacket, necktie (!), and a white (or purple) shirt with a matching skirt. That's great by itself, but as I said before she also wears pantyhose which of course shows off her legs even more. She also wears high heels, but I'm not a fan of those (not that they look bad, of course). She also said that she'd wear a maid outfit, but disappointingly she never does (as far as I know).
Grade: A-

Mind
Personality: First things first, Girlfriend is a tsundere. As if you hadn't known from all the kicking she seems to enjoy doing.
: SHADDUP! *kick*

She does have a very cute and easily accessible "dere" side though, so she's not as bad as other tsunderes. She's more "annoyed" than tsun as well, though that's probably more due to how demanding she is. Not only that, but she seems to love gaming in general, both modern AND retro. I'm sure that her and I could talk about SNES RPGS for some time, though she'd probably kick me and say that something like Street Fighter is better (she likes fighting games). She's sort of a sore loser as well, but is even worse at winning. She seems like a fun character to hang around with and play games.
Grade: B+

Libido: Girlfriend has higher than average libido. She gets in "moods" sort of what I expect from an actual girl, and her and boyfriend eventually do share a romantic kiss. This is a romance series, even if it is a 4koma. And that's just normal libido, I should mention once more that she seems to know EXACTLY what to do to show off her best point (again, her legs), not to mention that she's the dominant one more often in their relationship. In the first few chapters she DOES shy away from romantic scenes in a dating sim, but she gets over that quickly it seems.
Grade: B+

Age: It's unknown Girlfriend's exact age, but I'm assuming that she's in high school or something.
Grade: B

Total Grades: 77
Average score: 8.6
Final Grade: B+

: There! Now that your stupid blog is done can we FINALLY play the fighting game I picked out? I've been waiting!

Sure, just one more thing. Ririchiyo...

: Huh? Oh...
: I mean, what do YOU want, you pathetic internet blogger?

THIS! *Topaz hands Riri a wrapped box* Happy birthday!

: Harumph! And here I thought that you forgot. (he remembered! how thoughtful!). I suppose I'll leave you two here and open your gift in my room.

: Good! Now get going so Topaz and I can play fighting games.

You can open it here, Riri.

: I suppose I SHOULD grace you with my reaction. *opens* A glasses case?

: You shouldn't expect anything else from him, I suppose. *squeezes Topaz with her legs*

: No, no. I'm happy *smile*.

That's good to hear. As for our readers, catch us next week!

: Good, now that it's over take a controller. I want to beat you in a brawl match.
Posted by emperortopaz | Feb 21, 2013 11:13 AM | 0 comments