emperortopaz's Blog

February 4th, 2016
This is the Three-hundredth-seventy-fifth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Topaz is standing in a studio-like room with bars and mirrors on the wall.*

Welcome back everyone. As you can see I'm here in the idol-hopefuls club. Though it seems that it may be too easy to become an idol these days as this room is completely empty.

*A tumbleweed rolls through the room.*

Well, I mean other than me. I just hope that the girl I was expecting comes soon.

*A door opens with a loud creak.*

???: O-OH! I didn't mean to open that so loudly!

Sounds like this week's girl is here.

???: Is someone actually using this place? I was expecting it to empty and was coming here for nostalgia's sake. Plus I wanted to meet some new teacher or something.

That's me!

???: I see then. I don't know why you want to interview someone like me... My fellow idols would be much more enjoyable to talk about.

Nonsense as you're a great girl! You deserve as much credit as the other two! I will mention that it is sort of hard to talk to you through the doorway. I would like it if you actually entered the room.

???: Sorry sorry! I was being a bit too cautious, sorry I'm so stupid.

Don't be so humble, you're a great girl!

???: A-alright then... Here I come...

*The girl enters the room.*

: I am Uzuki Shimamura!

Welcome!

: Thank you. Ahhhh, it's nice to be back to where the Producer first saw me.

I figured you'd like this relaxed environment.

: I do! Now, what was it you wanted to interview me for?

Well, it's more of a blog that only one person reads.

: I guess that's more than I deserve...

*She sighs, but Topaz points to her.*

Nonsense! You just have to stand out more!

: What do you mean?

There's obviously something special about you! Something you can't see!

: Ehh? Are you talking about my smile? Producer said the same thing.

No, what I mean is-

???: Your BUTT obviously!

*A tall white haired girl enters through a window.*

Couldn't you enter normally?

: When have I been one to do something the "normal" way? Though it was fortunate that my large posterior was able to fit through the frame...

: T-T-T-TAKANE SHIJOU!

: In the meaty stinky flesh.

I wasn't going to say anything if you weren't...

: You're like a legend for any idolmaster girls! I could only wish to be half as popular as you are!

: Fufufu. I appreciate the kind words, but it wasn't just my own hard work, sweat, and gas that made me what I am today!

: I see-er, gas?

: Don't interrupt. What I'm trying to do is invite you into my secret society, the one who made me who I am today!

: REALLY? What production company is that?

: It's not the company, but rather a little-known group. It goes by the name "Ancient Secret Society of Immeasurable Extremities".

Huh. Surprising that I've never heard about these "ASSIE girls".

: Shows do everything they can to try and silence us. However, someday I'm sure that there will be an uprising. For that we need girls like YOU, Uzuki.

: Eh? What can I do?

: Nothing yet. But once we do the secret initiations you'll be a powerful "ASSIE girl".

: I'm not sure I understand...

: Don't worry. All you have to do is face some other "ASSIE girls" in mortal combat.

: That sounds dangerous!

Or gaming-related!

: Many have failed in our trials, but I know that you'll do well. Now, equip this traditonal outfit.

*Takane hands Uzuki a certain piece of clothing."

Eh? A fundoshi? That sounds like a traditional outfit.

: You make a very good point, but for now this item of clothing is much more fitting for our dear Uzuki.

*Uzuki holds it up, showing that it's a red buruma.*

: I can't possibly fit my a-er, my b-bottom into this!

: Do not fret, I'll help you get into it. Topaz!

Yes?

: You begin the blog while I'm doing this. It'll help distract you as I change Uzuki in the other room.

Well, first I want to ask Uzuki if I can do my blog on her this week.

: Kind of late to ask now...

: I s-suppose so. But it's alright, even if I wasn't backed into a corner I'd allow it. If I didn't want to I wouldn't have came here, after all.

That's a good point, which is convenient because...



And she's also Zettai's girl this week!

: Believe me, he needs all the cheering up he can get.

: Anime is awful! That's not a blanket statement, just that he had to endure far too many terrible shows recently...

True, and I'm very thankful that he did such a thing for me. But enough delays, time to begin the blog! And I'll see you two later.

*Uzuki and Takane nod as they head into a nearby room to change.*

Head
Hair: Uzuki has pretty good hair. The color of her hair, while not as dark as Rin's, is a nice brown color and is fairly dark on its own. Length wise Uzuki's hair is perfect for what she is, going to her shoulder blades or upper-back. This means that her hair won't get in the way of buttshots, even if she didn't have too many in the actual anime. It's also nice and wavy, to the point where the bottom of her hair almost looks curled into drills. She has a part in her bangs above her right eye, and the rest of her bangs seem to be swept to the left in a bit of a curve. She has a long middle bang though it isn't as noticeable as other girls as that bang doesn't reach her eyes let alone her nose. Her sides are nice and long, though they don't always cover her ears. Style-wise Uzuki occasionally has a side ponytail, which sadly is something I'm not a big fan of, or she'll have buns in her hair. Everyone loves seeing Uzuki's buns in back!

*Uzuki, who is overhearing in the other room, speaks up.*

: I hope you mean my hair!

Perhaps. Anyway, as good as Uzuki's hair is, the fancy style that's not to my liking is what lowers her score here. She needs to have her hair down more so that we can enjoy the wavy-ness.
Grade: A-

Eyes: Uzuki has nice, if a bit plain, brown eyes. Luckily they match her hair so she gets a bit of help there. Her eyes are also a tarame, which while fitting doesn't appeal to me as much. They do fit her very well though, and it helps that the anime gives her a lot of emotion with them. Sadly unlike Haruka Uzuki doesn't wear glasses as a disguise. And of course, we know which “brown eye” is Zettai's favorite.

: Eh? There's a difference between my eyes? Is the left? Right?

: I think he'd like to take the third option.

Right!

: I see... So he prefers my right eye for some reason...

: This feels like it could go to a punny place Topaz. Continue with the blog. Before the jokes become terrible!

Sounds good to me!
Grade: B

Face: Uzuki is in the “Cute” idol category. And sure, she is pretty cute. Sadly she really doesn't do anything extraordinary in this area. That said the art of the series as a whole is good for me. This means that Uzuki has small features, including her nose. As the Producer said a lot of Uzuki's appeal is in her constant smile. It just looks so joyful, which really does a good contrast with her depressed moments near the end of the second season.
Grade: B-

: We're back!

*Takane and Uzuki emerge from the other room. Uzuki is fidgeting, pulling her gym shirt down and trying to hide her buruma.*

: I can't believe that you were able to get these buruma on me! They're so.. ergh.. tight!

: True. Just look Topaz-

*Takane bends Uzuki over, exposing her buruma wedged between her buttcheeks. The brown haired idol blushes from the embarrassing position.*

: The buruma is wedged right up in there!

: N-no! Don't look at my exposed butt!

: Now now, to truly become an "ASSIE girl" you must learn to appreciate the buttocks. For they are a thing of beauty!

I agree! Though I just thought of something. Hopefully Zettai doesn't mind you returning for a third year during his homage blog.

: I'm sure he loves my butt any time I appear. But do not worry, I won't be stealing Uzuki's thunder. Right, THUNDERBUM?

*Takane smacks Uzuki's jiggly butt.*

: N-NO!

: Because it feels bad..?

: It feels good, alright? But it's so embarrassing! Can't I just get to the ASSIE initiation you talked about while we were changing?

ASSIE initiation?

: Right, like I mentioned before. It just involves a battle between the hopeful and a few of the other ASSIE members.

: I hope it's an idol contest. At least then I'd have a chance for victory. At least a small one...

: You won't get anywhere with that kind of attitude! Be optimistic, though I do suppose that staying humble is important as well.

Sounds confusing.

: It is quite the balancing act. But here comes the first adversary, Uzuki!

*A hime cut ponytail samurai girl enters the idol hopeful club. She too is wearing a gym uniform with red buruma.*

: H-hello? Is this the right place?

: Ah, Yukie Mayuzumi. Just the girl I was expecting.

: Oh, Takane-sama. It's good to see you. Did you find that new friend you were going to introduce me to?

: I did, this here is Uzuki! She's an idol like me!

: Like you? She looks about my size though...

: I don't mean like that. But since you two are evenly matched I figured that you would be a good warm-up for Uzuki.

: W-warm up?

: Certainly! Now just stand here, back to back... Good.

*Takane positions Uzuki and Yukie so that their bottoms are pressed together.*

: BUTTLERS, ARE YOU READY?

: Eh? Buttlers?

: Yes. We shall participate in butt sumo, as the ancestors once did.

: A-alright then.

: GO!

*Yukie starts off strong, pressing her 87 cm butt against Uzuki's equally-sized bottom. She nearly knocks Uzuki back just from the first impact, but she holds her ground. Their buttcheeks ripple as the burumas strain to contain their meaty buttocks. After a few minutes of buttjiggling Yukie is starting to get tired.*

: Pant pant. You idols seem to have surprisingly high stamina.

: You too.... *pant pant.* B-but Topaz thinks I have some thing SPECIAL!

*Uzuki pushes Yukie so that both of her cheeks push against one of Yukie's. This unbalances the black-haired samurai and she faceplants on the ground in front. Luckily she isn't harmed.*

: Owwww... That sure surprised me.

: You were a tough competitor too.

*Uzuki offers a hand to Yukie, helping her former opponent up.*

: You are exactly the type of ASSIE girl we need. Honorable yet strong, like a true samurai!

: I'm not that great...

*Uzuki looks down and kicks her foot slightly.*

: Taking down one of the ASSIE girls in buttsumo is something to be proud of!

: I agree! If only I had eaten more good food to make my butt grow. It's too late for this time, but when we next meet. And I will say that I am only the third strongest ASSIE girl you'll have to face today.

: EHHH? I'm going to need a rest between matches then!

: Don't worry. We don't expect you to go from one buttle to the next without some time to breathe. Besides, the next girl isn't even here yet.

: Maybe Topaz can continue with my blog in the meantime...

: Good idea-HEY! Stop playing your 3DS!

But I need to grind every chance I get! Stupid escalation battles stealing all my stupid coins.

: I HOPE you at least saw the epic battle!

BUTT OF COURSE! You expect me to miss out on something like that? I was just quiet and didn't want to interrupt.

: Fair point. Such holy ASSIE rituals shouldn't be interrupted.

: Wait... Are you the “Emperortopaz”?

That's what people call me! And I don't feel the need to correct them.

: Ah. Here you go then.

*Yukie hands Topaz an envelope.*

: I stopped by the game-and-kendo club and apparently you're supposed to sub there next week.

Sounds like fun. I wonder what girl I'll see there.

: One that's better than me, no doubt...

: Poppycock, you're a great girl!

Exactly! And to prove it I'll continue with the blog!

: It seems that I won't be needed any longer. I shall see you some other time, and I hope that you do well and get into ASSIE, Uzuki.

: I shall try my hardest!

*Yukie leaves as the others say their goodbyes.*

Body: If you haven't noticed, Uzuki has a certain memetic body part that I'm dying to mention. But first we should follow tradition and say her measurements first. Uzuki is 159 cm tall and 45 kg, and her three sizes are 83-59-87. If, by just the measurements, you're still not sure what Uzuki's main asset is I'll tell you: It's her BUTT! Uzuki's rear somehow got a lot of memetic butt images, helped by one of her first cards showing her buruma butt. Her measurements also help, but while size-wise she's a great girl I wouldn't mind if her butt stuck out a bit more to look more meaty. Maybe if her waist was smaller it would look that way. That said, Uzuki having a memetic butt is important as there's so few butt-girls in series. There's even a moment in the first season where she buttsumos Kanako, though sadly it's only a still image as part of a montage. Still, I wonder if that moment was a nod to the fans. And even that still image is better than how they ruined Takane so much, especially in the movie. Sadly the rest of Uzuki's build isn't as impressive (not that it needs to be, but still). Her legs aren't that shapely, and as said before it would have been nice had they made her waist smaller to bring out her butt more. Oh, I suppose I should mention the second season's opening does have a few shots of Uzuki's bare feet and that includes one close up. While I'm not a major foot person, I couldn't help noticing her feet looking nice at these times.
Grade: B+

Breasts: As said previously Uzuki has a chest of 83, making her butt 4 cm bigger (which is a fine size). The problem that occurs is that fanart, and some official cards no less, still make Uzuki bustier than she should be. She's about average, not being busty but she's not flat either. The artists really need to realize that Uzuki is a butt girl and focus on THAT.
Grade: C

Clothes: Uzuki, like many idols, has a lot of outfits. The main one she's usually in is her school uniform that consists of a light brown blazer and red plaid pleated skirt. The blazer has a crest on the right chest, and she also wears a red bow tie. Sadly she does not wear any special legwear like thighhighs or pantyhose. In the show she wears a lot of various idol outfits for her performances. She also wears a white sun dress in that opening I mentioned before. She also wears a pink shirt with purple sleeve-stripes and purple pants to train in. Also mentioned before one of her most memetic outfits is a gym uniform with red buruma, though sadly this wasn't used in the anime (that I remember). Other card outfits include a fancy wedding dress-like princess gown, a sukumizu, a fluffy yukata, both a black and lighter blue variety of maid outfit, a red-striped white bikini with shirt, winter coat with red scarf for New Years, a couple of cat-ears, and what appears to be an open-front cheerleader outfit. And that brings me to the biggest problem with Uzuki's wardrobe: It's like they don't know what to do with a butt girl. I don't blame them as a lot of companies have that problem, but they are screwing it up by giving her neckties or cleavage shots! That's the exact opposite of what they should be doing! She should have things like thongs or similar things, at least have her bikinis or the sukumizu be shown from behind or something! I know it's not a fanservice series, or at least compared to the DxD and Senran card games, but when those two franchises show off butts better than you that should be an obvious warning sign xD. Oh, and I should mention that in the Granblue crossover she wears a pink and white ruffled dress with matching shirt, a decorated sheathe and sword, and red cape with patterns at the bottom. She also has a cute tiara too.
Grade: B+

???: Hello? Did I finally reach the right place?

*A tall blonde girl in a black outfit enters.*

F-FATE?!

: That is I.

What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting a magical girl.

: ASSIE girls come in all shapes and sizes. Okay, so preferably pear-shaped, but still.

: Are you the one I have to face next?

: You are correct. I hope you have recovered from your previous buttle.

: I-I think I have!

That's it Uzuki! Be more confident!

: I'll try my best!

: Seeing Uzuki be this confident fills me with determination! Now, buttlers, take your positions!

*Now that she knows what to do Uzuki gets in position. However, seeing Fate's miracle butt fills her with dread.*

: Oh no! It's huge!

: Thank you. But do not sell yourself short. In fact, due to your large backside I shall use my Sonic form!

*Fate's outfit transforms into a thong, her jiggly buttcheeks showing off well.*

: Nice jiggle!

: Thanks! Much better than any other horrible part jiggling!

I agree, that's better left to Signum for me.

: I think Zettai can live with that. But prepare yourself, Uzuki!

*Fate presses her fat butt tight against Uzuki's butt. Her flabby cheeks nearly envelop the idol's hips, but Uzuki keeps standing.*

: Urgh... Argh...

: Looks like Uzuki is really getting sweaty after all this pushing!

Bet it's really rank too, especially her crack!

*Fate nearly pushes Uzuki out using only her huge rippling butt.*

: I've almost got you...

: There has to be something I can.. Ergh... I can't-I can't hold any longer! AH!

FFFFWWWRRRREERRRTT

*Uzuki lets out an un-idol like visible fart. This pushes Fate back slightly, the smell causing her face to cringe.*

: N-no! The smell! It's even worse than mine!

*Fate loses the feeling in her legs and falls forward.*

: Congrats, Uzuki!

: But I did something that should obviously be unfair!

: It's perfectly within the rules. “ASSIE girls can use any part of their butts, including flatulence, to win”

*Takane even takes out a book, putting on thick-framed glasses to read.*

Looking good! Er, wait. Isn't this your handwriting?

: You're quite suspicious. There's no way an ancient ritual like this would be created by me. That would be ridiculous! Or RidiCULOus!

That's fair. But congrats, Uzuki!

*Uzuki helps Fate up, as she did Yukie before.*

: Thanks for that. But do not think I will be as easy the next time we battle. I'll be sure to eat a spicy dinner and use Erio's favorite spell! I've never lost when I've done that!

: Indeed, Fate has the nickname of “Miracle” among the ASSIE girl world!

I can see why!

: Though I should be getting back to him. I have to make dinner in a naked apron and tease him a lot.

I'm jealous!

: Fufufu, you're so silly.

: Have a pleasant trip then!

: I won't make your defeat be in vain, Fate!

: That's good to hear, but I should warn you that you still have the queen of the ASSIE girls to battle!

I hope it's not Lunar again.

: Oh you and your references. But you might want to continue with the blog, Topaz. I have a feeling that the queen may be closer than you might think!

That seems suspicious, but I shall finish up Uzuki's blog as promised!

*Fate waves and the others wave back as she flies off.*



Mind
Personality: Uzuki is quite the extraordinary ordinary girl. Really, she's so average it has become a major point of hers. She's often in the middle exam-wise and sports-wise, and has never pulled anything other than “average Good Luck” in seventeen years. Unfortunately this means she falls behind once her fellow New Generations idols Rin and Mio make it big. She becomes depressed at not being able to keep up, but even that was one fairly well. “I'll do my best” is her catchphrase, though during her depression she uses it as a fake cheer, her heart not being in it. Fortunately she starts working with another group. Far before that, in the beginning, she was also the last remaining member of a training course before the Producer came to her. She is also a big fan of idols and jumped at the opportunity. According to the games her specialty is either “dance” or, more likely, “Visual” (the first is only seen in her first DLC appearance and only as an enemy). Her image color is a nice soft pink and her hobby is talking on the phone with friends. She also became popular by not being popular. By that I mean that she didn't get many new cards yet was a starting character in the game. As a result a lot of people felt pity for her and she quickly became popular, even getting cards since. She's also very bright and positive, a lot like Haruna, but Uzuki also shows a lot of spirit and dedication to being an idol.
Uzuki is voiced by Ayaka Ohashi, who gives her a nice sweet and not too high-pitched voice. I will say that she performs Uzuki's image song “S(mile)ING!” really well, and the lyrics of not standing out among others but still working hard and loving what you're doing really shows Uzuki's spirit. While Uzuki does get lost in the shuffle sometimes for me, I do like her even if she's not one of my favorites. I really appreciate her trying so hard to reach her dream of becoming an idol and being a great friend, but I would also like to see more to her as well.
Grade: B-

Libido: Sadly this is Uzuki's poorest area. Not because of anything in particular, but more because she's lacking a lot of interaction in this way. About the only male she's around is the Producer and he seems to not be interested in this sort of thing. I do suppose that she could have yuri with her group mates Rin and Mio, but nothing that I recall would affect her in any way. It seems to me that she's a pure-type of girl without much interest here.
Grade: C

Age: Uzuki is surprisingly a nice age. She's seventeen, which is just short of getting a proper “A” rank. Her birthday is April 24th, if wondering, and I'm not sure if the story of the anime goes over that date.
Grade: A-

Total Grades: 70
Average score: 7.8
Final Grade: B

And that's the blog for this week!

: I'm not sure if that's a good score or not...

: B's are Topaz's most common score, but that doesn't mean that you're bad. If anything that's more than I had expected. Though I will say that I scored far higher than that.

: I knew it... I'm too average...

Nonsense! You might not be exactly to my liking, but you're still a great girl that deserves celebration!

: Right, and your giant posterior is what made me consider you for ASSIE!

: R-really? My butt is that impressive?

To be fair it could stand out a bit more and be shown off, but indeed!

: Thank you both, it means so m-wait a minute... Why did YOU say you considered me, Takane?

: Ufufufu. While it may have been obvious, I am indeed the QUEEN of ASSIE!

*Takane continues her ojou laugh.*

: Oh no! That means that I'll have to face you in buttle!

Talk about a size difference! You'll never be able to beat those final boss-sized buttcheeks!

: M-maybe... NO! I can't give up here! I-I'll do my best!

: That's the spirit, now let's get in position!

*Uzuki and Takane press their big butts together.*

: Annnnd GO!

*Uzuki and Takane buttsumo, their flabby cheeks rippling against the other.*

: Urgh... Arghh... She's so strong!

: Ufufufu, this is the true power of the moon goddess's butt!

*She pushes the smaller idol's butt more.*

: EEK!

What's wrong?

: I'm pretty sure that the buruma wedged up deep between my cheeks!

: How lucky, though I bet that it still feels my massive and smelly tushie all over it!

: Eh?

: N-nothing!

Quick, Uzuki! Use the ability you learned in Fate's battle!

: But that's embarrassing!

Use the force, Uzuki!

: Who do you think you are, a jedi?

: H-here goes... Uurrrgh...

*She presses her stomach, which rumbles.*

PPPPPRRRRRRRTTT

*Uzuki then rips one, jiggling both her and Takane's butts.*

: Pardon me...

: Is that the best you can do?

: EHH? She's uneffected!

: I eat gas like that for breakfast! Well, not literally as I eat ramen, but you get the point. Now THIS will be a real one!

BBBWWWUUUURRRTT-FFWWWAAWWRRRT

*Takane fills the room with toxic gas.*

The stench! Urgh, blech....

*Topaz faints from the smell.*

: Oh no, the club leader!

: Leave him, and concentrate on your ASSIE battle!

*The two continue their battle, with lots of great close-up of their buttcheeks.*

: URGH... If I don't end it now Takane will make ME faint as well!

: Fufufu, what? Is my stench getting to you?

: Yes, it's quite f-foul.

: Thanks, I had a few bowls of super-spicy ramen on the way over.

: Be that as it may, I may have an idea!

: W-what?

*Uzuki moves her hips inward a bit. This makes Takane lose her balance as she was pushing so hard.*

: Uwawawa?

*Uzuki then pushes her hips back, knocking Takane forward. She lands safely on her front.*

: Curses! If only I had a modest top half like you do!

: D-does this mean what I think it does?

: Certainly! Congrats for being our newest member of ASSIE, Uzuki!

: I'm so proud, I think!

: Let us bring in a new generation of ASSIE!

: That sounds familiar.

: Good you got the reference then. Let's go meet with the other members, though of course after you change out of that.

: Thanks! I'm pretty sure that I tore a hole in it with all my f-farts.

: Don't worry. It may be the traditional buruma of battle, but I'm sure it'll be just fine the next time it will have to be used.

: I don't understand...

: I'll explain on the way. You see, because you're a member of ASSIE...

*Takane continues to talk with her hand on Uzuki's shoulder, leading her new member out. After a short time Ririchiyo shows up.*

: I just saw this week's blog girl with Takane! I also saw Yukie and Fate, so I'm guessing that the blog went well.

*Topaz finally comes to and starts to get up.*

I can only hope so, as it's all for Zettai and his opinion will say if it was good or not.

: I hope so. Hey, did we get any clues to next week's girl?

Just that she belongs to the Game-and-kendo club.

: Huh. Sounds like it should be a girl who likes swords and video games. Wonder who it could be...

I guess that you, and my readers will have to find out next time!

: *completely monotone* The anticipation is killing me...

Don't die!

: I won't! Sheesh, you take things so seriously.

Posted by emperortopaz | Feb 4, 8:39 AM | 0 comments
January 28th, 2016
This is the Three-hundredth-seventy-fourth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*The blog enters with Topaz walking down a hallway.*

Welcome back everyone. We're still here at Eternal Cross School, where I'm currently working to pay back massive bills. This week we're heading to the student council room and-

: WAIT! Topaz!

*Ririchiyo runs towards Topaz, pulling an unknown girl by her hand with her.*

: We don't need to visit the student council room, I've brought the girl here.

: I don't know who you are, but let go this instant!

: Stop struggling! This way Topaz won't get distracted.

I'm sorry to say this Riri, but she's right. That's not the girl we're doing this week.

*Riri lets Chizuru's hand go.*

: My apologies, I thought you were someone else.

Right, we're looking for Chitose, your twin sister.

: That's fine. Wouldn't be the first time someone confused us. (A-and I guess holding the hand of a friend isn't bad either.)

: Still, I shouldn't have been so hasty. (Curses, she probably thinks I'm an idiot. I can't believe I did something so dumb...)

Don't worry, but we should be getting to the student council room.

: True, who knows what trouble they may get into!

*Meanwhile a blonde girl holding a cup of ice cream runs past. She's laughing to herself.*

: Kehehehe, looks like I got the rum raisin!

*A ponytailed girl chases after, with puffs of angry smoke coming off her.*

: KYOUKO TOSHINOU! Come back here this instant!

*The duo runs circles around the trio, until Kyouko notices them.*

: What are you doing here, Chizuru? Come on, let's go have fun!

: No thaaaaaaannkksss...

*Before she can comment further Kyouko pulls her away.*

: Why is this happening so much todaaaayyy?

: Don't think that grabbing a hostage is enough to save you from me!

*Kyouko, dragging Chizuru behind her and the ice cream in the other hand, runs off. Ayano takes chase.*

: Looks like it was convenient that I grabbed her.

Perhaps. But either way you're a good assistant.

*Topaz pets Riri's head cutely. She flusters.*

: C-come on. We shouldn't dally any longer!

I guess not-wait, "dally"? That's a silly word that doesn't fit with your speech pattern...

: It was the first word that came to mind. Now, are we going to fool around or-

*Topaz ahems*

Later that day...

*The scene changes to the student council room. Topaz and Riri are some how in the same positions as before, and a lovely meganekko is reading at a table.*

: -Wait. How did you do that?

The magic of screen editing. Or something. But now that we're here I should introduce Chitose!

: That sounds somewhat similar to a certain school nurse you did a few weeks back. You'd better not have another horrible blog like that again!

I've learned my lesson.

: You say that but you got Zettai to watch that stupid Monster show and more! I'm pretty sure he suffered Post-Traumatic Mamocentric Syndrome from it.

I DIDN'T EXPECT HIM TO WATCH IT! Though I do greatly appreciate him for trying it, even if the series are absolutely awful for his tastes.

*The meganekko looks up from her book.*

: Excuse me, could ya keep it down? We're trying ta read.

My apologies, I didn't want to distract you you.

: 's all right, though I must ask: Where'd ya two come from?

It should be obvious! I'm the last of my kind, shot to the planet Earth from an exploding planet!

*Ririchiyo smacks the back of his head.*

: You're not Superman or Goku!

: Ya two are such sillies. But what I'm talkin' bout is why ya'll in the student council room.

Oh. It's a long story that involves me having a demon form and space travel.

: ...

*She looks to Riri.*

: What?

: Aren't ya going to slap him for such a fictional story?

: Actually that's pretty close to what happened. But long story short he came here to help out the student council.

: That's good! We could use all the hands we can get. The first year girls are away on a trip, and Ayano has disappeared somewhere.

I think she was chasing Kyouko in the halls.

: Chasing... Kyouko... Ayano-san...

*She removes her glasses with a Ka-CLUNK sound effect.*

: SO AMAZING!

*Chitose's nose bleeds as she fantasizes about Ayano chasing Kyouko through a field of lillies.*

: KYOUKO TOSHINOU! Come, let's play!

: Fufufu, you'll have to come catch me!

: Here goes!

*Ayano tackles Kyouko and they roll around in the lillies. Meanwhile, in real life Ririchiyo is panicking.*

: OH NO! IT'S EVERYWHERE!

Don't worry. This seems to happen to her sometimes.

: So she'll be fine?

I imagine so.

*Chitose places her glasses back. She then uses a tissue to wipe the blood off her face.*

: Excuse me for my misdeeds. Anyway, what would you like to do?

I'd like to do a blog on you, Chitose.

: Oh! I think that Kyouko told me once about that blog thing of yours.

: To be fair hers was really premature.

I didn't expect it to get a second and then third season!

: True, even Chinatsu's blog is outdated now.

That's what happens with airing shows. But since the meganekko blogs are a bit different we're allowed to bend the rules.

: And yet winter was so difficult...

Fair point. But let's not get distracted because...

Today's girl is:



Chitose Ikeda
from
Yuru Yuri


Though for the sake of comparisons I might also talk about her sister, so here's a link to her page.

: But that's not a green Hylian at all! Or blue! Or Red!

What about purple?

: He asked for too many rupees.

Well, I do guess that purple ones ARE worth the most...

: Didn't you say something about not getting distracted?

Fair point, better get started then.

Head
Hair: The first thing you should notice about Chitose's hair is that it's short. Her hair just barely reaches her shoulders, and that's just in back. It's sorta like a bob cut, but the sides aren't straight enough for that. Luckily is is really fluffy-looking. Not in a crazy way, mind you, but her hair does seem to have a lot of volume to it, almost making her sides look feathery or something similar. She has two minor bumps on the top of her head above where her sides start as well. Her bangs aren't exactly anything important, what with having a wide middle bang, but it isn't bad either. Chitose's hair is mostly grey, though it could be an extremely subtle light purple too, it's hard to tell. Overall her hair isn't anything special, but it does fit her personality (I mean that in the best possible way) and is fairly cute.
Grade: B-

Eyes: Chitose has the rounded “moe” eyes, or tarame. They are very pretty both shine and shape-wise, even if they aren't my favorite type. The lovely blue fits with her lighter hair as well. Her eyes also seem very calming as well. I will say that I do prefer her sister Chizuru's eyes; not only do I prefer green but the tsurime certainly helps much more.
Chitose does have a lovely pair of glasses, not surprising what the theme of this month is. Sadly while her frames are quite large they're also fairly thin, though the nose piece is visible which is cool. The biggest problem is that, in order to go into her special “yuri mode” she has to remove them. At first I disliked it, but eventually it became similar to not wearing them in the shower or to bed or something. I'm still not a fan, but I can understand it. In addition, at one point in the third season an earpiece breaks. Luckily a great character was able to repair them, receiving a sewing kit in the process. It wasn't a major moment, but I do like the detail that went into the glasses in the scene and it was one of my favorite moments so I figured I'd mention it.
Grade: B-

Face: Like a lot of the other characters in Yuru Yuri Chitose has a very soft and gentle face. I definitely like the puni-like details and soft features. It also helps that she only has a dot nose. Overall she's very simple but cute at the same time. When thinking yuri thoughts her nose bleeds, but even worse is when she tries to hold it back and the blood comes out of her eye sockets instead. Chizuru, her sister, instead drools when thinking of yuri things.
Grade: B

: W-wait!

Hmm?

: Is something the matter?

: I'm just worried that ya will say something embarrassing.

*Chitose puts her face in her hands, blushing profusely.*

Don't worry, I don't think you have much to be embarrassed about. It's not like you're from a fanservice show or anything. And even then most of those girls are usually alright with me discussing things.

: Besides, who else but us will know? Well, besides Topaz's only reader which he values very much.

Indeed.

: Eh? But the student president has been here the whole time.

What?

: Really? But Ayano ran chasing after-*remembers nosebleeding incident*, er, I mean she's out on errands.

: But Ayano isn't the president. Rise is, and she's been right there.

*Chitose points over by the window, where a beautiful dark-haired girl is sitting properly. She's listening intently. She starts to speak-*

: I do appreciate the introduction, but it is not necessary. I am merely an observer, but I thank you for taking notice.

*-but she is so quiet no one can hear her.*

: WOW! And I thought Akari was the invisible one!

That's not very nice to say, Riri. But why didn't you say that there was more than one of you when we entered?

: I did say "we".

I was under the impression you meant the royal "we". And I don't mean a lord's Nintendo console either!

: That's a horrible joke, you know... But I do apologize to you, Rise. I didn't mean to ignore you.

: I appreciate the acknowledgement, but sadly you cannot hear my words of gratitude.

: Don't worry, Rise. I'm sure your feelings will get to Topaz and Ririchiyo!

Don't worry. I understand her appreciation of us. But let's not forget that it's Chitose, even if Rise is another great girl.

: I'm sure she'd get her blog someday if it wasn't for the horrible lack of screentime.

: To be fair I am not a main character either...

: Some seasons Topaz here has to scrape up a meganekko. Hopefully he doesn't have to do it for the current season.

Don't worry, I already have a few plans...

: That sounds ominous, so stop that and get back to Chitose.

Fiiinnneee...



Body: Sadly this is where Yuru Yuri suffers, at least for me. There's nothing wrong with Chitose's average middle school body. Well, other than the fact that she really doesn't show it off. The only exception is that there is a good image of her bathing with Ayano that shows her stomach and legs. It also shows off her butt curve a bit, but as a whole this series isn't really fanservice-based. There's nothing really to speak of, but do know that my opinion doesn't mean that Chitose has a bad body.
Grade: C

Breasts: Chitose doesn't score well here either, being basically flat. Nothing wrong with that, it's just not my tastes.
Grade: D

Clothes: Here is a bit more different. Chitose has some more variety than you'd expect. The outfit that we see the most is the school uniform which is a long fuchsia frilled dress with sleeves and what appears to be a sailor uniform vest-top with a button in front. The uniform part is white with cuffs and a collar that matches the dress's color. The dress also has pockets, something I wouldn't know without the third season I think. She also wears shorter socks, which is a shame. Other outfits include a set of Tanuki hooded pajamas, gym clothes (which consists of a white shirt and red shorts), a towel, a one-piece frilly swimsuit, and some nice casual outfits. We even see her shopping in the third season as well. She also plays a dwarf in the group's portrayal of Snow White. In official art she also wears a silly Akari mask and an HMV black shirt (which seems to be a store). While nothing too outstanding, like a lot of Yuru Yuri girls I found the hooded pajamas really cute and the causal outfits go a long way to define her personality.
Grade: B

PRRRRRRRPPPPTTTTHH

*A loud noise interrupts the blog.*

OH ARCEUS! What did you eat, Ririchiyo?

: Nothing more than usual! And don't blame-blech-such a terrible odor on ME!

Well it certainly wasn't me. That would be disgusting and no one would want that!

: If it wasn't you or me... Chitose.

*Chitose waves her hands in a panic.*

: No no no! It wasn't me!

: Don't worry. I understand. No doubt Topaz felt bad and wanted to appeal more to Zettai.

I'm sure that this was planned prior to that. It seems like my sort of joke. But it is true, there's no reason that Chitose should have ripped one as she's not too much Zettai's type. Well, in some places, but the more likely culprit is...

*Topaz points to Rise, who has cute cheek blushes and is smiling gently.*

: I wholeheartedly apologize. I did not expect such a loud one to escape, though I am quite proud of it.

: That's fair, it was quite a smelly and loud one. You should be proud, Rise.

: I'm sure that Zettai would enjoy it more if HE was the one here...

Perhaps, or at the very least he'd enjoy it more than we are right now.

: Mind if I *cough cough* crack a window?

It is cold out, but this would be worth it.

: Perhaps Topaz can warm us up with further blogging!

Great plan!

: I know another way I could "warm" us all up...



Mind
Personality: Chitose is a student council member and Ayano's assistant. She's quite helpful and mature. Unfortunately this maturity means that she's compared to a grandmother at times. I can see that, though it's a shame that so many meganekkos are compared to old ladies. Chitose is also calm and friendly, unlike her sister who is more of an introvert and has troubles making friends. Chitose also has a kansai accent, if a slight one (it doesn't help that the subs didn't do anything special either). Speaking of, well, speaking, Chitose has a nice, gentle voice. She's played by Aki Toyosaki who is probably known best as the VAs of either Yui from K-On or Momo from To-LOVE Ru (though Chitose is far from her only yuri character). Overall there's nothing too bad about Chitose, but the main problem is that she's not one of the main four and thus doesn't get a lot of screentime. More than Rise, easily, but she doesn't seem to be a fan favorite which is unfortunate.
Grade: B-

Libido: Chitose has an interesting libido. She definitely has one of the highest in the series, but the difference is that she's more of an observer than directly yuri. She loves to imagine Ayano and Kyouko in particular, nosebleeding when she removes her glasses. Chizuru, on the other hand, prefers seeing Ayano with Chitose which is fairly interesting as well. At one point Chitose also enjoys a slap which is bad as it means that she's more submissive than I would like. Then again when she eats chocolate she becomes drunk and kisses everyone, even including her own sister. What breaks her out is when they push Ayano and Kyouko together to make Chitose nosebleed herself unconscious.
Grade: B-

Age: Like many of the characters in the series, Chitose is fourteen. She's also a second-year in middle school and the older twin between her and Chizuru.
Grade: C

Total Grades: 56
Average score: 6.2
Final Grade: C+

And that's the blog for this week!

: That doesn't seem like a very good grade...

: Topaz has high standards, or at least ones that cause you not to appeal to him.

The points don't mean anything though. I still like Chitose, as well as her sister Chizuru.

: This blog makes no sense sometimes.

: I'm sure that Topaz is doing his best to entertain and inform.

Exactly! Though it doesn't seem that I got a lot of Council paperwork done while I was here.

: Do not worry. I was able to finish it while you were talking.

: How nice for us then. Thank you.

What did she say?

: Rise finished for us.

That is quite nice. Thanks for that, Rise.

*Rise blushes cutely and smiles.*

And thanks for letting me do your blog too, Chitose.

: Think nothing of it.

: I'm sure that Topaz will think plenty about it. So now that we're done here what should we do?

I think that we have to train the idol-hopefuls club next.

: Eh? "Hopefuls"? Sounds like some girls that haven't made it.

Perhaps, but I imagine she's just there to practice in a nostalgic environment. Besides, don't you want to see who Zettai's homage blog is?

: Ugh. I'll pass.

Why's that?

: I think I got all the gas I can endure just from Rise over there.

Fair point. No doubt this allows me to be a bit more perverse than usual.

: Just don't go too crazy.

I can't promise that. But we'll see next time, so see you readers there!
Posted by emperortopaz | Jan 28, 8:11 AM | 0 comments
January 21st, 2016
Anime Relations: Sore ga Seiyuu!
This is the Three-hundredth-seventy-third week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone. I'm here at Eternal Cross School. If you're not sure why I'm teaching this class it's simple. I have too many bills to pay, and a military girl drove a tank through my house. Last week we talked to a musical meganekko, and this week we'll be looking at another talented meganekko.

: T-TALENTED? You praise me, and I don't deserve it.

Nonsense! You've had plenty of great roles.

: Perhaps you should tell the audience who this is.

I would, but only if Futaba allows me to do my blog on her.

: I don't have a problem, not like there's anything else to do here...

*Futaba sighs.*

Well, I'm sure that will change once we start the blog, and that's because...

Today's girl is:



Futaba Ichinose
from
Sore ga Seiyuu!


: Considering what your blogs are like, I imagine she'll still be bored.

That's unfair!

: Harumph. Then prove it to me! Wait, I feel that there's an important topic we should bring up.

What's that?

: Why is Futaba the only one in this class?

*The camera zooms out, showing that Topaz, Ririchiyo, and Futaba are the only ones in the large classroom.*

: Don't remind me...

What happened?

: Well, all the other students quit.

That sounds rude of them. Quick, Ririchiyo, go round them up!

: What am I, your maid?

...Mmmm, Ririchiyo in a maid costume. *shakes head* No, don't distract me.

: Don't bother. Even if you brought them here there's no reason to stay.

There's a perfectly good reason! I'm here!

: Don't be getting a big head Topaz.

Oh, sorry. Didn't realize that, must be from imagining you in a maid uniform.

: I don't get that-oh. OH!

*Ririchiyo sighs and starts to smack Topaz.*

Ow ow owww!

: Don't say that! I know your defense is tougher than this!

: Hmmm. Topaz may have a point.

Is it the one with Riri in a maid costume.

: No.

Boo....

: But what I mean is that if you'll be able to get some true star power into this room, I'm sure the Speech and Language class will be full of people.

Hmmm, there's that and I'll be able to meet a lot of popular seiyuus as well. Sounds like a win-win for me! Riri, go fetch us some talent! I'll stay here with Futaba and do her blog.

: I'd scold you for using me for such MENIAL labor, but since you'll be doing the blog I guess I can't complain. Just no funny business!

I'll make sure nothing funny goes on here!

: So it will be like every other one of your blogs then. OHHH! BURN! (Dummy! Why are you insulting Topaz! He works hard for these blogs!).

*Riri blushes and runs off, not fully shutting the door behind her.*

Well then, with her gone let's begin!

Head
Hair: Futaba's hair isn't all that interesting. It's a fairly simple bob cut, a short hair style that barely reaches her shoulders. The long sides and back certainly help, though I'd still prefer if it were longer. She also has somewhat basic bangs with the one in the middle being extra-long as it comes down and touches her nose. Her middle bang also goes up near the top of her head, though it isn't as noticable in the actual anime. Futaba's hairstyle just seems so basic and somewhat bland to me. That said it's also not horrible, and it really reminds me of Yuki Nagato. Oh, and speaking of that I do like Futaba's purple hair. It seems to have two shades due to the circle of light or shading or something going around her head, making certain portions lighter but as a whole it seems she has dark purple hair.
Grade: B-

Eyes: I also like how Futaba's eyes are purple. It matches nicely (though her eyes are may be more “purple” while her hair is “violet”, perhaps. I'm not completely sure which one has more red, but consider that the eye color). There also seems to be a fair difference between the anime and manga as well. In the anime she seems to have a strong tarame, though the area on the very inside and outside of her eye seems sharp. In the manga it seems that she has a more defined tsurime, but sadly this means she looks a lot like a character from Hata's more-famous work. Because he was the artist of the series that influence seems difficult to avoid. Sadly this does unfairly effect Futaba as that series just seems to be getting blander the further it goes, and her eyes are far from the only point where this is an issue. Oh and her eyes in the manga seem to be more of a red color.
Of course, I can't forget about Futaba's glasses. They're a pair of oval-shaped glasses with thin frames that rest on the lower portion of her nose. Though they aren't a Pince-Nez, they're not quite that small (though who knows, most of the time Futaba's earpieces aren't seen). Again they remind me of Hata's other work, namely with Chiharu and I'd show her MAL page but for dumb reasons she's not wearing her glasses there :/. Overall Futaba's glasses aren't exactly the best, but I still approve as they're not the worst and having glasses is great!
Grade: B+

Face: Futaba has a simple face with small features, especially with her dot-shaped nose. This is good for me, though it does seem a bit bland. Her head is shaped like an acorn, at least to me. Again she seems a lot like a character from Hayate, a downside of sharing the same artist. However, this does mean that she's pretty expressive and I mean that in a good way. She has a cute, gentle smile as well.
Grade: B

*Ririchiyo comes rushing inside, holding the hand of a frumpy-looking woman in glasses.*

: TOPAZ! I found someone! She says she's a famous seiyuu too!

*The woman hastily eats a melon bread.*

I don't think you should take people at their word, Ririchiyo. And what are you so excited about, Futaba?

*Futaba is smiling and so excited that she cannot speak. Meanwhile the woman finishes off her meal.*

???: Phew. That was tasty. But why did you bring me here? Your friend only asked me if I had some sort of voice talent, I told her I was a seiyuu, and she took my hand and raced back here.

We were wanting some sort of star power to make people return to this class. But I don't think...

???: Well then, it's a good thing you've got me, for I am-

*The woman holds out a portable changing curtain and rustles around inside. Soon she emerges looking completely different.*

: YUI HORIE!

*Topaz and Riri are both taken aback, with silly background effects.*

Looks like you've struck a very famous talent here! Though I do dislike that she took her glasses off...

: You and your glasses fetish, can't you see she's more recognizable like this?

I suppose, but still...

: You two are mumbling over this really loud. Would you like for me to come back?

N-no! You can't leave!

: Yes! Come back after we call you!

*Topaz whispers to Futaba.*

What are you doing? We need someone as famous as her!

: Yeah, but I really don't want her to hear all my embarrassing secrets!

Fair point. *Talks louder.* Alright, Futaba has convinced me. We're not quite ready for you yet.

: Really? What sort of things?

Er, um. I'm obviously having a coughing fit and thus we cannot record yet.

*Topaz makes obvious coughing noises.*

: Oh dear! Don't worry, I have all sorts of throat lozenges. They're good for seiyuu, and I have a variety of flavors. Here, have a mint one.

Thanks for that, but I don't think it's quite as bad. Hack cough hack.

*He continues to make obvious noises as he slips the mint-flavored treat into his pocket.*

It should go away on its own. How about you have Ririchiyo take you the cafeteria.

: While you're there you should look for another talent. You found a great one, but two would be even better!

: But how am I going to top my last pick?

Don't worry, I'm sure that you can.

*Topaz pats Ririchiyo's head.*

: F-fine! I'll get the best Seiyuu ever!

: Hey!

: I mean second best, er. Wh-why don't you get back to the blog?

*Riri pushes Yui Horie out the door and they go down the hall to the cafeteria.*

: I can't believe it! YUI HORIE!

I KNOW! Zettai is going to be so jealous!

: Something tells me he might have another great seiyuu when he does a certain middle school girl though...

That's true-wait, I thought you didn't know about the blogs?

: I never said anything like that. Plus there's not many other people with the names “Topaz” and “Zettai”.

Fair point. But it seems we're getting off topic.

: To be fair it seems to be common around you.

I agree, so let's get back to the blog.



Body
Build: Futaba has, somewhat surprisingly, measurements! Okay, so they're the most basic type, but better than nothing. Futaba is 160 cm tall and 50 kg, not too bad though that seems high for weight. Not that I'm calling her heavy, of course, but rather anime characters tend to be extremely light. Sadly it also means that she doesn't have too much that's interesting either. We never see her butt (unless it's in the manga or something) so I can't judge that, her waist isn't too bad and same for her legs. The art style isn't the best for body-shape, so I guess this might be the best Hata can do. Or maybe Futaba is supposed to be “average”-looking, it's hard to tell if her plain-ness is intentional. Oh, and much like a certain demon queen Futaba thinks that she has flabby arms. That's kinda hard to notice in anime, but I certainly don't mind plumper girls.
Grade: C+

Breasts: Futaba is probably the bustiest girl of the main trio in Seiyuu. That said, it's only because Ichigo is flat while Rin is a middle school student, so Futaba looks bigger in comparison. She's not flat, but she's also not extremely busty either (unlike a few certain Hayate characters). She's overall pretty modest, though there is an official image where she looks really busty so maybe it's because she wears unflattering clothes or something. Though I imagine it's more because Hata was going through a busty period at the time, down with useless breasts!
Grade: B-

Clothes: Sadly Futaba doesn't seem to have a “set” wardrobe. Other than being non-noise making (as the microphones at her job would pick that up). We most often see her wearing a yellow jacket, green shirt, and a long white skirt. She also wears pantyhose with it (the effect of which is lost as she wears a long skirt) and fairly sturdy-looking black boots. Sometimes she'll also wear a pink shirt with orange jacket, and in general she seems to enjoy comfy casual wear. She also wears a cute cat shirt, the Lawson-type uniform for her other job, a yellow frilly idol dress with musical notes, another yellow idol outfit with white on it (yellow seems to be her character color), shorts while practicing her dancing, and a scarf with heavy clothes while sick. She also has a blue bikini in an official image and in the OP she wears a white pilot's outfit (plus various others as a quick chibi shot). In general she has a fair variety but could use some more “fetishy” outfits.
Grade: B-

: F-FETISHY OUTFITS?! Those wouldn't look good on me!

Nonsense, I'm sure it would fit your figure well. Like a maid uniform for example.

: For some reason that reminds me of something... Wait, that's Rei Tanaka, a completely different seiyuu!

A shame, that joke would have been epic. I guess all I can do now is sing the ED... Here goes nothing!

*Topaz takes a deep breath.*

: WAIT!

Phew, I was afraid we'd get copyright-striked for a minute there. And obviously not because I don't want to sing.

: You can't end a blog right in the middle like this either!

That too.

: And I've brought someone else as well! Alright, you can come in!

I highly doubt that it will be as big as Yui Horie.

: I know. Having a star fall into our laps like that is a rarity!

: Hello everybody!

*Futaba and Topaz are both taken aback.*

: YUKARI TAMURA?!

YUKARIN TAMURA!

: Yukarin tempura! (Already I regret that joke).

: I'm glad to have so many great fans!

It's a pleasure and honor and so many great things that I'm able to meet with you! Even if it's just in the blog.

: Good to hear that. It's a pleasure to meet such big fans of my work and I love helping out too. Though I can't stay too long, I have a black-haired red-eyed girl to voice.

I hope that's Hiroko!

: Why would I want to voice a mamocentric Senran boss?

Not that Hiroko.

: Ufufu, if only such a superior series like that was possible... Someday, maybe...

: Enough of the Zettai praise. What should I do with Yukari and Yui?

: Oh? Yui Horie is here too? We're great friends.

That's good to hear as you'll be getting people back in the class room.

: While Topaz will be here and finish his blog.

: Sounds like fun! Adiós, my adoring fans!

*Riri and Yukari leave.*

: *pant pant* I was so excited I couldn't speak! Or breathe!

I was nearly in the same boat as you, but I still don't believe that we met Yukari Tamura! Zettai is going to be even more jealous!

: She's the one I was thinking of earlier too! Maybe I can have her visit Rin if he's planning on doing a blog on her.

Perhaps in the future, but I don't want to order him to do a blog either. But on the topics of blogs I should get going on yours!

: Right! It's almost done as well!



Mind
Personality: Futaba is an interesting character. She's a new-ish seiyuu, though she becomes more experienced as the series progresses. She's a member of the Aozora Productions team, though sadly she hasn't had any stand-out roles. She really wants this to be her career, working at a gas station to make ends meet. She's watched anime but she's also not an otaku (which is kind of a shame). She also has a hard time starting a radio show due to her inexperience but becomes much better as time goes on. She also had a lack of stage training, which showed when she formed an idol group (“Earphones”, if curious) with the two other lead girls. She eventually does accept her flaws, but not before being a bit of a comical punching bag as bad things kept happening to her. One major example is when work she did the drama CD for went with another girl instead. Futaba became depressed, but eventually she cheers up after talking with other seiyuus about their experiences. A cute bit of trivia is that Futaba really likes this dog-like plush named “Kotori-chan”. She talks to it to get herself pumped up and also does a voice for the doll back (the doll also explains things about the industry). One fan even got himself the same doll in a show of appreciation. For some more trivia Futaba likes natto and reading, dislikes mushrooms, and has the capabilities of being a librarian (not sure what that means, but it's funny considering she looks so much like Nagato xD).
Voice-wise Futaba hasn't had too many roles. The only ones in the anime were a mascot-ish robot in a mecha series, a drama CD role she didn't get the anime role for, and various dubbed voices in a Western zombie film. The last one was notable as she had a bit of trouble doing boy voices but she eventually started to specialize in them close to the end of the series. Oh, and I should mention Futaba herself is voiced by Rie Takahashi. She's not too well known, with Futaba possibly being her most-famous role at the time of writing (this may change as she'll be the next Pink Cure). Rie did a good job with Futaba, and I liked how the series used a lot of up-and-coming seiyuu for the main three roles. Overall Futaba is a cute girl with a depressed or jaded side (though in the best of ways), not exactly the best type for me but she was enjoyable to watch.
Grade: B

Libido: Futaba sadly doesn't show much of a libido. The closest she has is a great respect for seiyuus of either gender. It's possible that she gets shipped with the other two girls, though I haven't seen much fan art of the series in general. She may also be paired with her manager Aoi who keeps a watchful eye on Futaba. And hey, this is probably as safe-for-work as a “Futa-Futa” girl can be xD.
Grade: C

Age: Futaba's actual age is unknown. I do imagine that she's at least college age as she lives by herself and doesn't go to school. Her birthday is August 25th so that's kind of cool.
Grade: B+

Total Grades: 66
Average score: 7.3
Final Grade: B-

*By the time the blogs end the class room is filled with chatter as many students have entered.*

See, I knew that my star power would get people in these seats!

: You sure it's not because we had two famous seiyuus go and advertise?

: Either way thank you two so much for helping with this class. I was beginning to lose hope.

You shouldn't lose hope! Or dreams, for that matter! Though it is excellent timing as the blog is completed.

: I enjoyed it, even if I didn't score too well.

: Nothing personal, of course. Topaz has somewhat high and illogical standards.

... Maybe. But with that the blog is done. And fortunately no one heard anything embarrassing about Futaba!

: Thank Madoka!

It also means that I can also start teaching the class!

: Wait, you're actually going to do work? AGAIN?!

Yep! Now class...

*Topaz writes out a Japanese sentence on the chalkboard.*

... Say the line I have written here.

*The class doesn't, while Ririchiyo panicks.*

: TOPAZ! That's indecent!

What? Is there something wrong with the sentence? I did write “This fruit is delicious”, right?

: NO! You may have meant “Oishī” but you wrote “OSHIRI”! That sentence says “This fruit is BUTTS”!

Oh my, that is quite a mistake. Then again, with Teekyuu...

: Don't bring silly moments from gag manga into this!

Fiiinnnneee...

: Besides, considering the Kanji differences I'm pretty sure you did this on purpose and-

*BIIIING BOOONG*

Huh, seems like class is over for today.

: Sure, just when we were finally teaching.

: Don't sweat it. I'm sure you'll be better next week!

Actually I won't be back. Your regular teacher will return.

: Hey, what are we doing next time then?

*Topaz flips through a book.*

Huh. Seems we'll be helping out the student council.

: Sounds riveting...

You and our readers will have to wait and see then. But until then, until we meet again!
Posted by emperortopaz | Jan 21, 8:48 AM | 0 comments
January 14th, 2016
This is the Three-hundredth-seventy-second week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone. In the recent past I was hospitalized and hit with a load of bills. As a result Aria, the military meganekko-

: In more ways than one.

-came and brought me here to Endless Cross school. I then took the job of a one-week band director.

*The single meganekko sitting there with an instrument claps.*

: Hurrah! I'm glad that we don't have to wait until the handsome band director gets better from his cold to practice! Though I do have to wonder why I'm the only one here...

: You better not be thinking of any monkey business, Topaz.

Of course not! I just figured that, since Asuka is the drum major, I'd get her help with how to teach the band.

: Drum major? I thought she played that one, er, "UFO" or something.

*Asuka holds up her instrument.*

: It's a EUPHONIUM!

*She then hugs it tight.*

: And I don't need you calling it anything silly. It's my precious boyfriend, after all.

Putting the connotations of that aside... Riri, a drum major is the person in charge of the marching band and is responsible for the tempo and telling the band what to play. They also are responsible for leading practice and performances.

: I see then. Wait, how do you know all that about bands? Don't tell me you just looked on Wikipedia or something.

I used to be in a school band.

: EEEEEEH?

: REALLY?! What instrument did you play? How long were you in? Were you as good as me or more Kumiko's level? Or were you more like Natsuki, perhaps?

So many questions! But I played baritone and stopped about halfway through High School because I wasn't too good.

: A BARITONE?! Wait, horn or saxophone?

Horn.

: EVEN BETTER! That's amazing! Outstanding! Amazstanding! If only you were in school with us as we could always use more boys in the band!

: Wait, what's a baritone?

: While the euphonium and baritone seem similar, there's a small amount of pitch difference with the baritone being "lighter". Sadly a lot of companies mislabel entry-level euphonium horns as "baritones", and there's a common misconception that euphoniums require a fourth valve. In addition-

: Sorry to stop you there, but I get the idea.

: But I had this all prepared.

*She holds out a multi-page document from nearby with the title "Differences between Euphonium and Baritone".*

: So long story short, it's not just because Asuka is a meganekko but you also played a similar instrument.

Indeed. I think that my band past made the show resonate much more than with most people. Maybe, at least.

: That must also be the reason you went against your principles from last week and decided to blog Asuka even if she has an upcoming movie and second season too.

...Perhaps.

: A movie and second season? I'd better get to practicing!

*Asuka is about to blow into her horn, but Topaz stops her.*

Wait! Before you begin I have to get your permission to talk about you.

: I can't let a fellow Bass player down. Of course I'll let you talk!

Who knew that my past would be useful in this way, but as she said...

Today's girl is:



Asuka Tanaka
from
Hibike! Euphonium


Head
Hair: Asuka has really outstanding hair. I looks really voluminous and soft, in general looking very beautiful. It's also black which is my favorite color for hair to be, which helps a lot too. What also helps is that her hair is mid-length, ending about where her shoulder blades are which is the perfect length for buttshots (not that Asuka gets any, but that's beside the point). Her bangs are slightly off-center to her left eye, in a sort of 7:3 split though I don't know if that was specifically what they were going for. She also has a single long bang as well, coming in the middle of her face. Her ears are showing but again that's not much of a problem as her hair looks so light and fluffy that it fits really well. While her hair is free she usually rests it on her right shoulder, giving the impression of a ponytail or sidetail but it's an interesting style choice. Overall while Asuka's hair is very wonderful and looks great, it does have a few problems that keep it from achieving a perfect score (such as the bangs or having it be a bit longer). Oh, and for a bit of variety Asuka has the good sort of ponytail occasionally, the kind that starts at the top-back of the head and goes down.
Grade: A

Eyes: Asuka's eyes are kinda difficult to explain. She mostly has a tarame, meaning her eyes are rounded, but towards the middle of her face the shape of her eyes take a sharp curve. This leads me to think she has a hybrid-sort of eye, including the features of both. Asuka's eyes also come to the point on the outer edge, looking quite feminine and her eyelashes, while something that I usually don't enjoy, also make her eyes pop from the great style. Color-wise her eyes are a bit boring, with a dark blue, but KyoAni really did a great job with the art to make the girl's eyes look beautiful. So full of passion as well. Sadly she does have a moment of blank-style eyes, which does hurt, but it was only for a short time.
Of course I can't forget to talk about Asuka's glasses. And what a pair they are. They're a red-colored upper framed pair that seems perfect. It compliments her face and eyes really well, and the red stands out against her black hair as if she had red eyes. While usually her glasses are drawn in a simple matter, especially in the anime, there is a very great look on one of the official calendar pages. It's extremely detailed and you notice a lot of small things. These include the nose pieces and intricately designed hinge from the frame to ear piece. Even when not that finely detailed I do like how, since you see Asuka's ears, they remember to make the ear piece visible as well going around it. While I could continue talking about her great glasses all day, the non-perfect shape of her eyes does let her down in this area.
Grade: A

Face: Surprisingly enough, even though Euphonium is made by KyoAni they actually did a good job and didn't make it moe-blobby like they're so known for. Asuka herself is mostly a cheerful character as well, often having a large smile and rosy cheeks. She even occasionally has a cat smile when being mischievous. Overall her face does look good, but she does have a somewhat-noticeable nose and a pointed chin. Not much else to say though.
Grade: A-

: Wait. Not to interrupt you or anything-

You already have, but go right ahead.

: A-HEM, what I was trying to say is that I wonder where the other band students are. We've been alone her with Asuka for a while.

: Don't worry. Most of them are out practicing by themselves. Why, I think I can hear Reina in the other room practicing her trumpet.

*Muffled trumpet-like sounds are heard in the next room over.*

See, I knew I'd be a good band director.

*Riri sighs and shakes her head. Her eyes wander over to the shelf with instruments. There she sees a trumpet case. She goes over and checks the tag. Ririchiyo is shocked to see the tag say "Reina". She then takes a double take, still hearing the muffled "horn" noises.*

: Uhhh....

What's that?

: Oh! That seems to be Reina's instrument case.

: But it's heavy so her trumpet must still be inside!

Wait... That means that-

: Fufufufu.. Well, I did see another friend of yours exploring the campus earlier. Perhaps Reina is giving him a "anniversary performance".

: Man, with all the times Zettai has heard that song you'd think that he'd know it by heart.

But he still enjoys it, no doubt.

: Well, I guess that does explain why the window to that room is so cloudy. Fufufu...

: I suppose so. But how about we get back to the blog, Topaz?

Fine by me. I'm sure that we won't get interrupted again!



Body
Build: While not official I have read that Asuka is 171 cm, meaning she's pretty tall (which she does seem to be in-series). I do like tall girls so this works well. Sadly this is about all the information we have here; Asuka isn't really shown off too much in the anime. In official art we do see that her body is fairly curvy, and her legs are nicely shaped as well. Thanks to a bikini image we also see that she has a fairly slender waist, but sadly she hasn't shown off her butt so there's nothing I can say there.
Grade: B-

Breasts: Asuka shows off a bit more here, being nicely-sized for my tastes but also not gigantic like we see in a lot of fanservice shows. She's realistically busty, in other words. Now, this probably leads to one of the worst moments of the show as Asuka pretty much looms over Kumiko.

: Ehhh? “Looms”

What I mean is that Kumiko had her measurements taken and was feeling bad for remaining flat. Then her other, also flat friends, came and she calmed down a bit. Then Asuka came in and easily intimidated Kumiko back into being depressed. Luckily then the opening occurred and time passed for her to calm down.

: That sounds really dumb!

It is, especially if you remember this was the same company that once had Konata say that flat chests were a status symbol. Granted, this was just a sign that KyoAni was starting to slip into a problem a lot of other companies have.

: Good point. Just look at their latest work!

Exactly. Phantom World is full of mamocentric moments, and the first episode certainly showed how far KyoAni fell in that aspect.

: Agreed! What's with Reina not being the one that's better at limbo for the obvious reasons!

: Eh? Reina is good at limbo? I wonder if Kumiko knows...

Different Reina. The Hayami one from the new winter series. But indeed, it's a shame they introduced the series on such a fanservice-y point. But getting back to Asuka at least she's not constantly bouncing, and while we do see some cleavage both when she's taking a bath in the special and the bikini image I mentioned before that's about it as far as fanservice goes. And that one moment, but that's obviously to entertain young boys or something.
Grade: B

Clothes: Asuka is usually seen in her school uniform, and it's not a great one. The uniform consists of a brown sailor jacket with a white collar and cuffs near the hands, a matching skirt with a tan stripe near the bottom, and a green handkerchief around the neck. She also adds pantyhose, which is always a great addition. They also show the white summer uniform later on in the series, which instead has a light blue collar and blue skirt, the green handkerchief remaining (it seems to show that she's a third-year). Sadly she doesn't wear a kimono in the festival episode, instead wearing more casual clothes. She does wear a marching uniform, which consists of a sleeveless top with a lot of gold decorations and a nice combination of white, red, and blue (the majority being blue). She also wears a matching hat, though from the front it seems more red even if the bulk is blue, and the hat itself is smaller than her head so it might be in the “tiny hat” family. Either way she also wears a white skirt with yellow underlining, white knee-high boots, and white gloves that almost reach her elbow. Finally, thanks to an official image we also see Asuka wearing a bikini. It's not too skimpy (though we don't see much of the bottom as Kumiko is sitting in front of her) but it does seem to be a nice purple color with cool white stripes. It also helps that it seems supportive as well.
Grade: B-

*More “trumpet music” is heard.*

: Wait a second. Zettai won't get mad that his "anniversary present" is off-screen, right?

Hopefully not.

: Not that any of us would want to know what's going on in there. It's probably really rank!

: True.

Plus I think that Zettai wasn't expecting a "gift" this week. He'll have his celebration blog at the start of February.

: Good, at least we aren't being dumb and pushing it to MARCH.

Certainly. Not that he won't enjoy a certain blog that month either.

: Really? What character?

I can't give any hints yet. He'll have to find out for himself...

: Not even a small hint?

All that I can say is that March may have a "cold breeze" in it...

: Aww man, I hate it when it's cold and we have marching practice! Luckily our actual uniforms are somewhat-insulated, but still.

: What was marching band like for you?

*Topaz shudders and goes into a flashback.*

Looks like a good day to march across town this lovely spring day.

*Suddenly a snow-covered tree appears. Consider the words translated from Pokémon speak.*

: MWAHAHAHA! You thought you would be having a nice spring parade? Well think again!

*Abomasnow's Snow Warning drops the temperature and causes snow flurries.*

CURSES! And I still have to march in this! Luckily I can bundle up!

*Topaz and the rest of the band do so. However, halfway through the parade a many-tailed fox appears.*

: Do you think that you can defeat me?! HA! I shall save this parade from your blustery winds.

N-NOOO!

: Not fire! That's my one (*mumbles x4*) weakness!

*Ninetales's Drought sends the snow clouds away. This would normally be good, but due to the now-extreme heat the band suffers intense exhaustion and dehydration.*

HELP! THE BAND IS FIGURATIVELY ON FIRE! ... AND ALSO LITERALLY!

*Flashback ends.*

Oh those poor woodwinds never stood a chance... Though speaking of "woodwinds" I wonder how Zettai is doing. After all, Reina is applying plenty of her "wind" on his-

*Ririchiyo covers his mouth.*

: TOPAZ! You know not to say such bad puns! Besides, I'm sure he's fine. You pamper him too much.

A great friend like him deserves that much!

: And I believe that you're exaggerating far too much about that marching...

Nooo....

*Averts eyes.*

: Of COURSE. Topaz, Abomasnow didn't even exist when you were in band, let alone Ninetales's dream world ability. Heck, I imagine that abilities in GENERAL hardly existed!

Curses, you've ruined my fun using logic.

: It's what I'm here for, to make sure you get your facts straight. That and making sure you complete your blog. Speaking of which...

Yeah, yeah, I understand. I'll get back to it.



Mind
Personality: Asuka has quite an introduction. She starts off being the best part of the show, adding a lot of humor with her silly antics. She even tries to do magic or be silly with the lead trio when they're thinking about joining the band. She was so playful and comical that it was hard not to like her. She also loves her Euphonium, at one point using a long paper as a speech to recruit people into the instrument. Her euphonium is also silver-colored, contrasting with the more brassy look the other instruments have. She's in general just the fun yet calm and mature senpai-type character. Oh, and her likes include cats, coffee, and bitter chocolate while she dislikes dogs, cocoa, and milk chocolate.
Of course, not every thing is perfect for her. Even a girl as great as Asuka has a darker side. Well, not quite “dark”, but definitely one that came as a surprise. Asuka takes music very seriously, and doesn't tolerate the baggage of others especially if it affects the overall sound of the band. She also waves off most of the then-first year students leaving the band in the year before Kumiko and her friends joined. She also doesn't pick sides, preferring to be neutral and outright refusing to be the band president because she didn't want to be blamed for whatever happens. That said she's still the vice president as well as the drum major and the leader of the bass section. There's also the fact that Asuka doesn't get a lot of screentime. Sure, she's not a main character, but there's a lot of moments where I would have liked to know what was going on in her head (such as after the concert where she looked almost depressed). There's a lot of backstory or personality I feel could be explored here, but I imagine that will be in the future. Still, even with a few missing pieces of information Asuka was a very entertaining character.
Oh, and we can't forget that Asuka was voiced by Minako Kotobuki. I wonder if KyoAni really likes her voice or something. That aside Minako did a great job bringing Asuka to life, and in general she has a great voice.
Grade: B

Libido: Sadly this is Asuka's worst area; she just doesn't seem that interested. In fact she about says that such things should be left outside of band and calls her euphonium her boyfriend, being defensive when someone else wants to touch it. Since there's barely any guys in band she really doesn't seem to have much experience, though many girls respect Asuka or find her beautiful. She does have an official image of her looking at Reina and Kumiko sleeping against each other, and I suppose that she does possibly have yuri interactions with the other third-year girls Kaori and Haruka, but this is something else I'm looking forward to seeing Asuka improve in the coming season.
Grade: C

Age: Asuka seems to be 17, though I'm not sure if they said that in the show or officially at all. Her birthday is December 25th, again not sure where that came from either. What is said is that Asuka is a third year high school student, so her age does make sense.
Grade: B+

Total Grades: 76
Average score: 8.4
Final Grade: B

And that's the blog for this week!

: It has turned out quite well, I believe.

: That's actually less than I was expecting, at least for a meganekko. Aria was one thing, but are you sure you aren't being a bit rougher with these scores Topaz?

I'm going by the same vague standards I've always had. The problem with Asuka was that she didn't get a lot of screentime, and hopefully the second season will help.

: So why did you choose Asuka prematurely like this?

: Isn't it obvious? We're Eupho (or similar) buddies!

*The two put their arms around the others shoulder.*

YEAH!

: BAND ALUMNI!

*Riri sighs.*

: Well, I guess that's one explanation. I was actually worried that someone that never listens to video game music, at least while playing, wouldn't know a single thing about performing.

The more you know! But then again, at least I won't have this job long.

: Really?

: That's right, our actual teacher should be returning in a few days.

Right, and seems next week I'll be teaching a class.

: I can't believe it... What sort of class is this?

Uhhhh *Topaz reads the paper.* Looks like it's a Speech and Language class.

: Huh. Hopefully you'll do more than just do a blog in that class. Though I do wonder what meganekko you'll do...

: Not to toot my own horn, but I have an idea. Fufufu...

*Asuka adjusts her glasses, making them gleam.*

Speaking of-

: Topaz, I forbid you to use that segue into wondering how Zettai is doing...

: Seems that Reina is done “performing” for him.

: A shame that he isn't doing her next month due to the second season and all that. Though that reminds me; don't you have a hint for Zettai's anniversary blog?

Oh yes. “Idol”.

*Short silence.*

: Really, is that the ONLY hint you're going to give?

Of course not. “Butt”.

: Grrr, that's not helpful either! All idols have butts!

But how many are fam-er, no. That would be giving it too much away.

: Such silly people.

Certainly! But it seems we should end this blog now.

: Good plan, I have a lot of practicing to get to!

: Wait, so Topaz is actually going to do his job? That's a first! But for you readers this is where we say goodbye and see you next week...

Right! See you next time!

Posted by emperortopaz | Jan 14, 8:32 AM | 0 comments
January 7th, 2016
Anime Relations: Military!
This is the Three-hundredth-seventy-first week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*We begin in Topaz's house. Topaz himself is in the kitchen stirring a pot with a big smile on his face. Riri and Kimiko are relaxing in the living room.*

: Welcome back everyone. As you can see, as punishment for all Topaz has done the past few blogs I had to put him to work.

: It's kinda relaxing being able to push him around like this. I could get used to it.

*Topaz emerges and hands the two girls their meals. He still has a huge smile.*

: Thanks!

: Hey, what's that huge smile for?

: Probably something dumb.

I gained a level and my HP increased by 60 between blogs!

: Huh? I don't get it...

: Time to open the big book of Emperortopaz faqs.

*Kimiko pulls out a large book from the table by the couch they were sitting on. After the two flip through it they get to the "statistics" page.*

: Let's see here... Eyes... personality...

: Here it is! It's "breasts".

: Because of course it is...

Hey, it's not my fault that perfect scores level me up!

: It's not the score I'm mad about, it's what happened BETWEEN then and now! I feel like I should punish you further!

: Empry, you're so lucky.

I know, I know. But that sort of thing should not be as common this year.

: True, you've had a lot of disgusting blogs last year.

Right, so I'm turning over a new leaf!

: But then Isabelle will be angry-wait, no. Though speaking of heavy loans like in Animal Crossing, weren't you supposed to be doing some sort of Endless Cross School work or something?

Yeah, but I imagine that they won't be in any sort of rush. I mean, it's not like they're going to crash into my house or something!

: You're tempting fate...

*The sound of heavy machinery is heard pulled up towards Topaz's house. It goes silent for a short time before a loud crashing sound effect is heard.*

OH NO!

*Topaz rushes off to investigate, the two lolis right behind him. He makes it to the kitchen.*

Oh phew. I was afraid we would have had to replace the kitchen again.

: Wait, it was on the other side of the house!

The bathroom!

: Rika was in there!

Oh...

: I highly doubt that was her, no matter how gassy she becomes!

I suppose, but with her who can really be sure.

: Even so, we should check on her.

*The trio rush to the bathroom. There they see Rika standing in front of the door adjusting her skirt.*

See, I knew it was just Rika.

: You can even notice the visible cloud exiting the bathroom too!

: Ha ha ha. Very funny. Really though, I was in there just minding my own business and suddenly this TANK bursts through the wall! It nearly scared the fart right out of me!

: "Nearly"? So we should be safe then?

: Believe me, if I HAD released none of you would be conscious.

Plus Zettai would be mad that you released his fermented gas so easily! But that's enough talking, it's time to see who this intruder is!

*Topaz opens the door and instantly notices that indeed, a tank has burst through the wall. The barrel is pointing right at him, as well. As he is taken aback a voice is heard over the tank's loud speaker.*

???: Are you the one that they call "Topaz"?

That I am.

: So am I!

???: ..."Emperor Topaz" is the one that I want.

That's still me.

???: I see then. Then allow me to introduce myself. You see, I am...

*A curvy meganekko emerges from the tank. She carefully climbs down the tank, but as she steps on the ground she trips on a puddle (left from the burst pipes) and lands on her butt.*

???: Ow! My butt!

Hello, "Ow My Butt". You have a very unusual name.

???: THAT'S NOT MY NAME!

*She starts to stand up, wobbling and using the tank for support.*

Fine then. If you're not alright I'm sure I can kiss your butt better.

???: Grrr, enough! Just let me introduce myself as...

Posted by emperortopaz | Jan 7, 7:40 AM | 0 comments
December 30th, 2015
This is the Three-hundredth-seventieth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Topaz is still being ridden by Ririchiyo, who is on his back. He stops in front of a specific door.*

Looks like we're here!

: I still don't get what's going on.

Well, two weeks ago Yuuko forced me into a teleporter and transported me into outer space. There I was luckily saved by Misaki who let me rest on Watcher's nest. After some time a large portal showing your butt appeared and I was safely brought back. However, to punish me for being so gullible or perverted, I'm not sure, you made me carry you all the way to the next girl.

: ...That's still extremely convoluted, but I understand a bit better now. Plus it's an effective review as well. Good work, for once.

Thanks Riri, your approval means a lot.

*Riri flusters but squeezes her thighs against Topaz's neck.*

: Don't m-mention it, idiot. *stops squeezing* So who are we looking at this week?

It should be fairly obvious, but this year's girl is...

*Topaz opens the door and a busty meganekko is sitting on a chair. Riri and him enter, with the latter finally getting off his back.*

: Can I help you?

That you can!

: Right. You see, we're looking for someone for Topaz here to blog on.

Exactly. But first I have another request. May I use your restroom?

: Eh? Of course.

*Topaz rushes in and does his business, making sure to wash his hands after.*

: Jeez, why didn't you do that before we came here?

You were riding on my back and it seemed improper.

: Or you could have held it until after the blog. Just handle it somehow!

: Fufufu, I think Topaz "handled" it just fine.

*Topaz swallows nervously.*

: What are you talking about?

: Let's just say that with your friend-Topaz, was it?-anyway, he put his "idle hands" around a "devil's plaything".

: What are you talking about? Topaz... wouldn't do THAT in the middle of a blog, right?

*Riri glares at Topaz and soon arrives at her answer.*

: OH ARCEUS, TOPAZ! What is wrong with you!

I apologize! I blame getting facesat by Aki, Yuuko pressing her chest against me a lot, getting into a cramped machine with Misaki, and your own great butt sitting on my back all the way here.

: Don't blame my butt!

If I do, does that mean I can spank it. Cause I'd love to do that.

: Just shut up and start the blog, Topaz!

But Chisato hasn't given me the okay yet.

: That has stopped you before? Besides, I'm just trying to get that image out of my head now...

: It's alright, Topaz. I know about your blogs. I'll be glad to have one done on me.

Thanks for that then. And as you readers can tell...



: Good, now hopefully we can stop talking about Topaz being a master of his own domain.

: True. Though I don't get why he didn't just ask me to do it.

Well, that would be rude and-

: I'm sure I could do a good job.

*Chisato ignores Topaz's comment and moves her hand in a certain motion. Her chest jiggles, which Topaz stares at.*

Well, I guess I need I need another break.

: REALLY?! At least have a “time passes” comment so we don't have to wait long!

*Time passes as Topaz uses the restroom again. He washes up and sits down as if nothing happened.*

: You good now?

I believe so.

: Let's just get to the blog before your “urges” kick in again.

Good plan...

Head
Hair: Chisato has really great hair. It's long, reaching sightly above her butt but still allowing her bottom to be seen which is generally the best type of length. Chisato also usually keeps it flowing, though in certain images she has it up in a ponytail. The sides of her hair are long as well, reaching her shoulders and even chest at times. Oddly enough they don't cover her ears though, which I'm not too fond of but can deal with. Chisato also has a long middle bang that extends to her cheek while the rest of her bangs are lifted and spread slightly. This makes some of her forehead visible which is another part I'm not fond of either (though another minor thing). Probably the worst part of her hair is that she has two ahoge or a dual antenna (whatever you'd like to call it). While I don't normally dislike it, I would say it looks better on younger girls. Plus it reminds me of Naru, and that's never a good thing.
Color-wise Chisato also has great hair for me. In the anime and light novels she seems to have very dark brown hair. Ordinarily this would be great, but even better than that is that on certain covers (maybe the manga, I'm not sure) she has BLACK hair. Or at least a really dark shade that looks nearly black-like. I do have a problem with her powered-up form as her hair turns blond (a brown-ish blonde, but still), but luckily that only happened once in the anime (so far). Overall Chisato has nearly perfect hair, but there's a lot of minor things or traits that don't quite fit a mature woman like her.
Grade: A

Eyes: Obviously as the meganekko of the year Chisato wears glasses. She even wears a pair that greatly compliments her looks, with a red under-frame style that looks very mature. However, the biggest problem is that she doesn't wear them in the shower, and that means that for some of her most, well, “exciting” moments, are without glasses. Still, she looks really fantastic in her glasses.
Getting to her eye shape Chisato does really well here too. Her eyes are somewhat narrow, and while they aren't quite tsurime she's close (and even DOES have a tsurime at times). They really work with a mature beauty like her. Color-wise it's a bit generic, being blue-green in the non-anime art and a simpler green in the anime. That said I do like the pretty color, and being fair Chisato's character color seems to be green so her eyes fits that too. Overall her eyes are really pretty, and while not perfect it's only because I'd like to see her wearing glasses more.
Grade: A-

Face: Sadly Chisato doesn't do too well here. She does have a mature, seductive, and pretty face. She also has mostly-small features though her nose is quite apparent. Her chin is also somewhat pointed too, which is another downside. I should also mention that she has a beauty mark/mole under her left eye (right by the corner) and she has a crystal earring on her left ear. While her face is lovely sadly there's nothing really too get too excited about.
Grade: B

: Is it really that bad that I don't wear my glasses in the bath?

Of course, I'd love to see you looking your best at those times!

: Besides, that would be ONE good thing that the terrible series would do in the bathroom...

: What was that?

: Nothing, but let's just say that Topaz's reader won't appreciate the moments in this blog.

I do apologize for that... Especially as the series is much worse for him, and I apologize for having him watch it too!

: To be fair you had no idea how awful it would become. I mean, when you have a loli succubus it would be really DUMB to make her busty. Even aging her up is sketchy, though pear-shaped ones are alright... I GUESS.

It says a lot that DxD is probably better... Though sadly that show doesn't have a meganekko like you (a few scenes with Rias notwithstanding). As said before it's a shame that your best moments are when you aren't wearing glasses.

: Well, we wouldn't want them to get broken in the bathroom.

That's fair, but still...

: Besides, if you're talking about a few “certain” scenes I wouldn't want my glasses dirtied. I mean, can you imagine him “expelling” his “passion” all over my face?

*Topaz gets a perverted smile on his face, which soon turns to panic.*

I need to use it again!

*He gets up and goes into the bathroom.*

: AGAIN?! What, is this going to be some terrible running joke through this blog or something?

: Is he usually this, er, “excited”?

: Not usually. Usually he's more calm, but I do recall hearing that he loved your OVA so much he had considered keeping it after downloading for “future reference” with the rest of the hentai he keeps. Man, is he a pervert or what?

: Ufufufu, I think it's rather charming.

*Topaz returns and sits down.*

: Let's hope that's the last time!

I hope so as well. Believe me, I'd rather continue with the blog than have “episodes” like this.

: And here I figured you'd be “empty” from all the “research”...

Body
Build: Chisato has measurements! Not that unusual for a modern fanservice show, but still. Anyway she's 168 cm tall and 48 kg. Sadly I can't find the lead's height anywhere but I'm pretty sure that Chisato is the tallest woman on the show. Her three sizes are 98-58-88, which while showing how shapely she is you can tell immediately that she's still top-heavy. It's a shame that this sort of thing has been so common recently. That said, getting past the numbers she isn't too bad. Her legs and feet are pretty nice, with her thighs being nice and meaty. Of course her butt isn't too shabby either, in fact considering the show it's quite excellent. It's nice and plump-looking, and as a teacher she's required to show off her tushie on occasion (or at least it seems that way with a lot of teachers). For example, one of the best looks is when she has a close up of her thong-butt after the ED in one of the second season episodes. There's also the OVA which had both a scene where her butt gets grabbed by the lead while he's holding Chisato up and another scene with a close up of her putting on garters, her beautiful round bottom fully exposed. Not only that, but outside the anime there's one image with her showing herself fairly including her butt plus another where she's bending over in front of a window and showing her glorious bottom. Overall she's not bad here, but both her measurements and the area below certainly hurt.
Grade: B

Breasts: As said before Chisato has a 98 cm chest and is the bustiest character in the cast. Fitting to be fair, she is an adult and thus older than the other girls. The series does consider her chest to be her charm point, though it's dumb that TWO characters have the chest as a charm point (the other being the main girl Mio, who is pretty much bland). Of course this means that the series does everything possible to have Chisato show off her chest, like a lot of modern anime sadly. Luckily she's not seen as often as most of the other girls so it doesn't get too tiring, and I think she doesn't even had a service scene until the second season or OVA (the OVA coming first time-wise). I'd say that Chisato has a lovely chest, being quite big but not in a disgusting fashion. She jiggles in a natural way and in general looks really great, almost in a way that it's hard for me to describe. But her chest is animated very well, almost in just the right ways. Sadly not everything is great; The light novels aren't able to show nipples, and the show is heavily censored (though still better than Darkness and it's full-screen censorship). Both of those aren't much of a problem, with the former leading to sexier scenes due to edging close to what's allowed while the latter is fixed in the DVDs. And from what I've seen in the anime her nipples are small, which is a plus. Now, normally this might be good for an “A” rank, but Chisato isn't content with that. Instead she actually goes into straight hentai and performs paizuri scenes on the VERY lucky lead. Only one has been animated, but there seems to be a second in the manga. While there's certainly some bias I can't help but give Chisato a perfect score here.
Grade: A+

Clothes: Chisato has a somewhat average-sized wardrobe, but she has a lot of fine outfits. Her main outfit consists of a green ribbed turtleneck sweater (the kind with vertical lines), a short black skirt, a labcoat, and garters with nylon thighhighs. Underneath she seems to wear a strapless black bra and matching thong. This is a PERFECT outfit for my tastes, with the only problem being the bra needing straps (though in a yukata image she does wear a strapped one). And I guess the fact that she wears heels, but her feet aren't shown too much so it isn't much of a problem. She also has official art in a cleavage sweater in many varieties, including white and red in addition to the green. In the OVA she wears a one-piece zipper swimsuit with a labcoat, though the zipper has to be pulled hard as she was caught inside. If curious she wore it to help out a student in a swim class, none of the normal swimsuits would fit her (big surprise), and the principal believed that a bikini would distract the students too much. On one cover she also has a whistle between her cleavage and the zipper all the way down nearly to her crotch. She also wears only a green towel during a bath scene and in the books uses a towel to censor her paizuri. Another sexy outfit she wears just a men's shirt, which is similar to moe shirt and pretty great. She also wears a black sling-like bikini in a bust chart, but it's a shame as it's only from the stomach up and thus some of the appeal is lost. In the books she also wears a corset with thong, and there's an image of her wearing a melon-bikini top with her chest covered in Cow Cow-brand milk (I add the name as it's quite silly xD). She also wears a seductive red dress with an exposed cleavage. If you can't tell, the main problem with Chitose is that pretty much all of her outfits show off her “charm points”. She does show off her body well enough, but like so many problematic shows Chisato is the bustiest girl in a mamocentric series... It's almost like a curse at this point.
Grade: B+

: I'm surprised, a lot of guys don't appreciate the simple appeal of a sweater like you do.

: Well, Topaz isn't your regular everyday pervert! He's more fascinated by the things that go "arf arf" that you seem to be smuggling inside said sweater. And let's not forget all his frequent “breaks” this blog.

*Riri glares at him.*

It's hard for me to resist a great meganekko teacher like Chisato.

: And by that you mean you loved hearing about that “one scene” you mentioned and that was the main reason you watched the show.

: I'm sure that Topaz isn't that per-

*Topaz averts his eyes and sweats in a comedic fashion.*

: Ufufufu, no wonder you gave me a “perfect” score then. Though I should chastise you for having such simpleton reasons.

: ESPECIALLY since you got Zettai involved and there were episodes where he'd rather bash his head against the wall than watch another idiotic bath scene.

: How about we “punish” Topaz together then.

: What, is this suddenly a Zettaiblog?

: So you'll let me do this by myself? Ufufu, such a giving assistant.

: I-I never said that I didn't want to help. I SUPPOSE I should aid you in punishing Topaz.

: Alright then *whisper whisper.*

: I'm sure he'll enjoy this far to much, but here goes...

*Both Riri and Chisato sit on Topaz's lap. Chisato's skirt goes up a bit, reaching her waist and her thong-held bottom is in plain view.*

: Oh no, my skirt is being raised. Now my bare buttocks will rub against you!

: But they're n-no match for my lovely spats backside! (Though man, her cheeks are pretty huge...)

Err, do you mind. I think I might need to use-

: NO! This is part of your punishment. Though, Ufufu, I certainly feel your “energy”.

: Gross! And I don't mean that in the Hayami way either.

Hey, if you want I can take care of-

: NO! You'll sit here until the blog is over.

F-fine then...

*He continues as the two girls remain on his lap. They squirm to tease him as well.*

Mind
Personality: Chisato is the token mature woman in the harem. She's the wise and mysterious nurse, ready to aid Basara (the male lead) in any way she can. She also acts like an older sister or mother as his mothers seem to be either missing or dead. I say mothers as he has human, angel, and demon blood in him and has two mothers. I don't understand how it happened either... But anyway, as said it's eventually revealed that Chisato is an angel herself. This means that she's very powerful, and her true name is “Afureia”. She was sent down to watch over him, her powers sealed until he's in danger. However, Basara gets cautious around her when there gets to be a rumor around her that anyone that says anything bad about her disappears. Luckily this is due to another villain, but it wouldn't be bad if Chisato had mind-control powers like they suggested. She's also pretty aloof and somewhat expression-less, barely making any facial expressions as she killed a former ally. One of the biggest problems with Chisato is that she doesn't have a lot of screentime. It's a real shame as I would like to learn more about her. Sure her protective personality is pretty great, but hopefully there's more information later in the light novels that I don't know about.
I will mention that Chisato has a great VA. Yuu Asakawa does mature women really well, adding a great seductive tone to Chisato. I couldn't think of anyone better suited to take this role.
Grade: B+

Libido: Chisato has a somewhat high libido. In fact she's one of the most aggressive girls in the series and isn't just used for submissive purposes (unlike Mio who certainly seems to be the “Momo” of the group and mainly around for someone for the lead to grope in the most submissive and un-arousing ways possible). That's not to say she doesn't have her moments: I especially dislike this one scene in the second season. Chisato is on top of Basara and he's tied down, but he somehow breaks free and she ends up below him, tearing her shirt off. I suppose that in comparison this isn't too bad, but let's just say that this is one of the most female-submissive series in existence. Tallest dwarf and all that, I suppose.
That said she's still fairly high. She does invite him over in the OVA and pretty much initiates sex (among other things) as a way to cool him down. There's also the fact that she's Basara's maternal aunt and still does perverse things with him. Plus she's likely older, which is always a good thing for me. Speaking of her sister, it's possible that she had feelings for her though the anime doesn't bring it up. There's also another student who tries to protect her, the trappish-vampire Nanao. I'd say I'd prefer that pairing, but apparently in the most recent Light Novel release they've clarified that she IS a girl (so a reverse trap).
Grade: B+

Age: Chisato is a teacher rather than a student so it's likely that she's in a higher age range. Sadly there's no official data that I could find. She's certainly at least an adult, but it would be cool if she was eternally “young” as well.
Grade: A-

Total Grades: 86
Average score: 9.6
Final Grade: A-

: Hmmm, that's not a bad grade. Though I am surprised that I didn't get higher, or at least an image.

While 85 is the cut-off for non-meganekkos (or at least characters that only wear glasses on occasion), 90 is the limit for girls like you.

: It's a shame...

: Maybe this means that Topaz is thinking with the right head now!

I doubt it.

: But now that the blog is done I have to remind you of something.

Oh?

*Chisato gets up and picks up the clipboard. She then sits back down on Topaz's lap.*

: It says here that you checked in with Eirin and still owe her for medical bills. Not only that but you've been at this hospital for what, four weeks? Anyway, you still need to pay for that.

But I thought that this was in blog-time rather than real time. Plus it's not like I was a patient for the whole time! Heck, I was even in outer space at one point!

: Ah yes, the transportation bill was quite high as well. And that's not counting the treatment you obtained at Watcher's Nest.

But...

: If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a merry Christmas.

: Hey, that saying is only a week late or so.

How am I going to get this kind of money? I'm poor!

: I think I can get you some work at Endless Cross School. You were what, a crossing guard? I'm sure you'd make a fine substitute teacher.

: And maybe we can explore the clubs like Zettai did last year!

True, though I imagine there may be some he missed...

: Plus you don't need to pay it back until the next year.

Phew, that's still a long way away and-

: No, I mean tomorrow.

Wait! You can't expect me to pay it off that quickly!

: Topaz doesn't have that kind of money! He can barely pay attention!

: Don't worry, we have plenty of installment plans. And hey, that means that until tomorrow you're free to stay here.

Though I'll still have to pay...

: Paying for nearly a month would still cost you more than actually staying the month.

: And that's the medical system for you...

But what can I do overnight?

: Ufufu, I'm sure that we can find some type of “activity”.

: This is starting to sound disgusting. I'll meet you back home tomorrow in this case, Topaz. And I'll see you readers next time.

: Don't worry, I'll be sure to make sure he doesn't have any energy for this “habit” of his any more...

*Ririchiyo leaves.*

Well, seems we have the night ahead of ourselves.

: Don't worry, I won't be doing anything too “in depth”. But I have a feeling you'll enjoy... THIS! But don't worry, it'll all be off camera.

*Chisato starts to lift her sweater, but once her navel shows the blog feed ends.*
Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 30, 2015 11:10 PM | 0 comments
December 23rd, 2015
This is the Three-hundredth-sixty-ninth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Topaz wakes up in a sick bay. His head is throbbing, so he touches it with his hands. He eventually musters up the strength to sit up, and sees a sleeping girl sitting on a stool next to him.*

H-hey. Wake up. I need some answers!

: ...'n some bread too... *snore*

HEY!

: WAAAAH!

*She falls backward off the stool, but gets up quickly. She's sporting a comedic bump on her head and tears come down her face. She then sniffs a few times before starting to speak.*

: W-warn me when you're about to do that.

Don't worry, you're fine. Just look!

*Topaz flicks her bump away.*

: Wait just a minute. How did you just do that?

I can tell the difference between an actual injury and a comedic one. Though it does help that you're from the days when it was easier to tell that.

: I-I think I understand.

So where am I?

: You're at inside of Watcher's Nest. We found you hovering nearby and decided to save you. Why you were floating around without protection I have no clue.

Teleportation error. At least I didn't appear in solid rock...

: Ah yes, I can imagine that wormholes studies aren't as advanced in your time period. Not that I know much about them either, Tee hee! Oh, and since we haven't met yet I'm Misaki Kureha, Cadet of Watcher's nest.

I'm Emperortopaz, usually shortened to Topaz, of the Earthly bloggers. And I thank you for rescuing me and putting me in such good medical care.

: Luckily not much was wrong, so we just plopped you into a bed and let you rest off the shock..

The... Shock?

: Yep!

... Of being in OUTER SPACE?

: Right!

Man, one has to wonder if this is a sick bay or a trauma inn. Anyway, I have to thank you somehow. How about I talk about you in my blog?

: Hmmm, I don't see anything wrong with that. Go right ahead.

Well then, it seems quite simple that...

Today's girl is:



Misaki Kureha
from
Divergence Eve


Head
Hair: You can tell just from the pictures that Misaki has a somewhat-notable hair style. First off is the color; her hair is a bright blue color, something fairly unique and stands out among the rest of the cast (other than the girl with green hair I suppose). I'd personally prefer if it was darker. It's also fairly shiny, at least most of the time as I can't remember a time when it wasn't like that (so it's not just the light hitting her). Misaki usually keeps her hair up in a side ponytail, usually kept up in a holder of some sort. I prefer her hair down, and not just because I'm not fond of sidetails (they're even lower than many types of twintails for me). Some images she has just a ponytail and that's not as bad. Her bangs also spike out on the side. Not sure which side actually, it depends on which way she's facing. Other than the spike she does have bangs that point down and she even has a few hairs loose. The sides of her hair reach her shoulders, framing her face well, and her ponytail reaches past her shoulders to about her mid-back meaning she has about medium-length hair when down. The first ED also has her with various alternate hair styles such as a nice sun hat and twintails, with both normal and the braided variety being represented. Overall I do like the unusual color of her hair (it did have to grow on me a bit, and knowing her past also helped) and while I'm not a fan of sidetails she does have a good amount of variety.
Grade: B

Eyes: Misaki has the style of eyes that were common in the 90's (even if her show is from 2003). They look bigger than they should, and while that's common for anime Misaki's eyes look like they're too tall and spaced too far apart. I suppose this does make sense considering she's a bit of a spacy girl, but still. A tarame again fits her personality but not my tastes, which is unfortunate for her. Her eyes seem to be blue, green, or a mix of the two (it's hard to tell). That said it does match well with her hair color. Probably the worst aspect of Misaki's eyes, however, is when she's going into her “special form”. What happens is that her pupils become reptilian or snake-like, and in addition to that her sclera turns black. Obviously this is terrible for me, but fortunately it only happens for a short time during the transition to her other form. At the very least Misaki does wear glasses in one of the endings, and in the second season opening she wears sunglasses, but sadly she doesn't wear them in the main series that I can remember.
Grade: C

Face: Misaki has a fairly simple face, though it is in the “classic” form in some ways. By that I mean that she does have a fairly prominent cheekbone, not as much as some shows in those days but more than current series. It may just be due to where her mouth is placed, I suppose. She does have small features which is good, and that does include a dot-like nose. Do note that when in her mecha she does wear a protective helmet with a facemask that has a brown tint at times.
Grade: B-



Body
Build: Surprisingly even for a show back in these days Divergence Eve characters have measurements! Misaki is 162 cm tall and 42 kg, not too bad. What is pretty bad are the rest of her measurements as Misaki's three sizes are 93-54-84. Obviously this is troublesome as she has a difference of 9 cm between her chest and hips (okay, so it's not as bad as Yuuko's but I'm not about to compare the two). As you can tell Misaki is pretty overly busty, something that her show is famous for. I'll get to that later, though. What is more concerning is that Misaki has a slender body otherwise. Her stomach and waist are super-thin, especially considering what's right above it, and her back is often arched which makes it seem like her body can't hold up her chest. Not only that but her butt seems to be flat! She does have a good shower scene and does have a couple nice shots, but you'd think her rump would be more pronounced to match her chest! Her arms and legs aren't much better either, being nearly straight-shots from her shoulders to wrists and from her thighs downward (okay, so there's some good images, but most of the time they focus on other parts). There's also Misaki's Ghoul side; I'm not directly counting it but a good description would be to think of Terra from FFVI but done in somewhat bad CG (though it's possible that it has just aged poorly). Overall Misaki really disappoints me here, though just looking at her it's not too surprising.
Grade: C+

Breasts: As said before Misaki is quite busty, a 93 cm chest no less. That said it looks really poor as her chest is more torpedo-shaped than like an actual chest. Did you know that NASA, in particular the the Earth Observatory team, had a hand in doing research for this anime? I like to joke that they were used to make the girls seem more “rocket-like”. Really, it's like Misaki is about to blast someone with breast-rockets as if she was a certain android maid. I mean sure, they're big but I look for shape as well so she doesn't score here. That said, while she is bouncy it's only under certain situations like turbulence or other things, rather than jiggling around for no good reason. On the other hand the ED shows that, even when topless, she's extremely perky to the point where they remain upright even when she's laying on her back. Another problem is that Misaki has somewhat large nipples, though oddly only when shown under clothes as when nude she's not too bad. Perhaps it was extra-cold in the studios when they decided to take the “photographs” for the official art...
Grade: C+

Clothes: Getting back to better areas Misaki actually has a pretty good-sized wardrobe. The main is a great one which consists of a military uniform that bears resemblance to a police outfit. It consists of a dark blue long-sleeved shirt with black shoulders, wrists, and neck, a white collar, and a yellow badge over her left chest. Color-wise it's not as dark as her dark-skinned friend, who has a more navy color, but it's still suitably dark blue. The shirt seems almost skin-tight, which makes me question how she's able to fit her chest into it... But that aside it also has a black necktie which I really like, a black belt, a black miniskirt, and thighhigh black socks with a dark blue stripe. She also wears heels which is the only part of her usual outfit I'm not fond of. She also wears a tight white bodysuit with blue going down the sides of her body. This outfit also has armor around the shoulders and wrists for some reason. Misaki also wears a sports bra (not that it helps) and small panties when training. We also see her in cute underwear when we see her dressing. We also see her wearing just a towel, and as a somewhat-fanservice show her clothing gets destroyed on occasion.
In the ending I mentioned before Misaki has a lot of outfits. These include a riding-bike outfit though with jean shorts instead of spats, don't worry as she wears spats while in a rollerskating outfit with a green top and red pads (the safety-kind), a short white shirt and jean shorts, a white sundress, a red evening gown, a nice black top and skirt with red thighhighs and tall boots, a blue Chinese dress, a schoolgirl uniform though the vest kind, a wet white shirt with jean shorts (seems that she has a lot of those xD), a race queen, a tennis outfit, a school swimsuit, a sailor uniform with navel hat (as in the navy, not that she has a hat on her belly button), a waitress, and she finishes up with a “topless” pink-striped bikini (though she also wears other swimsuits throughout). Official art helps for variety but hurts overall. In one image she's basically falling out of a kimono, which isn't too bad. In another she has a blue school uniform with red handkerchief (though we only know as her friend is wearing the same outfit as Misaki isn't facing us). In the second season opening we see her with a pink top with thin straps with a short skirt and a inn waitress outfit it seems like.
However, the main problem with her official art is that Misaki seems to favor outfits that don't seem to support her. In one she's wearing a pink corset that, if she stretched too far, would probably bust wide op...en... Er, and with that she has a nice short skirt and black-and-white striped thighhighs. Getting to the meat of her official art is that she wears a LOT of revealing swimsuits. One even seems to be the “Venus” sort, barely covering what needs to be covered (actually I think I see one of her nipples peeking out anyway) and in no way supporting her huge mammories. There's also a blue one that's strapless (which is a poor idea), a yellow one she's pretty much out of anyway, and the slings. Oh boy the sling swimsuits. Now I get that they're supposed to show off the body well, but as unsupportive they are I really don't like them on Misaki. I do appreciate that they're at least fair, showing off her thonged butt at times, but one image makes it seem like she's wearing a black back brace with her yellow sling swimsuit just to keep her chest perky. There's also a part in the ending where she practically shoves her chest towards the camera before spinning back. Now, don't get me wrong as sling swimsuits can be attractive but Misaki's body about ruined the outfit for me due to how absurd her body shape is (and her co-stars aren't much better either).
Grade: B

: Wait a minute.

Yes?

: Well, you said all those bad things about my chest (you dirty pervert) but I still got a halfway-decent score. Why is that?

That's a very good question, and one that has been plaguing my reader for some time. Not that I mind answering it so he shouldn't feel bad. But in general it's a difficult area to judge.

: Really, I'd think it would be simple as a pervert like YOU would LOVE all busty girls.

While that's commonly true I do have some standards.

: Then why do even I score well?

Allow me to rephrase that. My BRAIN has standards and I can still notice problems with a girl's body and chest. However, as hard as it is to say this, my "second" brain sometimes judges that unfairly...

: I-I'm not sure I follow.

Even with the problems your body still causes my "rocket" to feel the need to "launch". Or, like your first ending song says, I get “pump(ed) up” at times.

: EWWW! GROSS!

*Misaki covers her chest with her arms.*

: I can't believe that you'd admit something like THAT.

Hey, you wanted to know. And believe me, I would prefer if it wasn't true either!

*Misaki sighs, exasperated at Topaz.*

: Just get on with the blog, you pervert! NYAH!

*She sticks her tongue out at him.*

*Meanwhile, back on Earth a certain assistant is fiddling with a machine.*

: I can't believe that Saeko left me here to deal with this on my own. Not that she'd be much help, but still.

*Sparks start to fly.*

: That can't be good. Man, once I get Topaz back I'm going to have a GOOD talking with him. Maybe I'll even punish him by sitting on his back-n, no that's too good for him...

*She continues her work, eventually starting to just hammer it wildly.*

: Wait, what am I thinking! Topaz doesn't even have a pendant.

*Ririchiyo thinks for a bit and goes back to hammering.*

: No, there's the one thing that Eirin gave him. No doubt that will be important or Topaz would forget to point it out!

Mind
Personality: Misaki is a fairly stereotypical but still likable girl. She's a ditzy cadet at Watcher's Nest, which is a large space station with it's own city. The excuse she gave for getting into the military was that she wasn't able to find a job on Earth. Actually it's also because her father died out on a mission. Said mission was also hidden by the government, prompting Misaki to join to investigate his disappearance. Misaki, as said before, is the type that's a klutz at times but when it comes to battle she releases an unusual power and is able to save the day. She's poor at training and often gets reprimanded for it. The second season explores her past a bit more too, talking about her father's experiences with the Ghoul (who are big monsters rather than actual ghosts). As a result of his interactions with them it turns out that Misaki is half-ghoul and was part of a science experiment. When she finds this out she goes through an identity crisis, but an actual realistic and surprisingly well-written one. She's often cheery but gets depressed when her friends either die or leave the military. Also in the second season is a look at, I think, Misaki's past lives though I think that was just an excuse as they seemed like filler plots in time a bit. It's complicated, especially because it may or may not be all in Misaki's head. Overall she's surprisingly complex. Oh, and also she likes to cook and eat noodles, getting the other girls to enjoy them as well (they aren't Japanese, like Misaki is).
Grade: B-

Libido: Misaki doesn't really show much here as she's as “pure” as they come. At most she has some subtext with a male reporter, but that's ruined when he kisses her to trick guards into thinking they're a couple. Misaki didn't approve and still slapped him, even if they would have been caught otherwise (though at least she waited until they left). I suppose there's a connection between her and Lyar, the white haired girl you've seen in the past few blogs and her commanding officer. She is the only one that remembers Misaki at the end of the series as well. There might be some other small things between Misaki and her other female crewmates, but that's more of a friendship type of relationship.
Grade: C

Age: Misaki is eighteen years old, as said in her official data. That said we do see a younger version of her in the second season, not just as a flashback but also as a “spirit guide” of sorts at times.
Grade: A-

Total Grades: 62
Average score: 6.9
Final Grade: B-

And that's the blog for this week. What do you think of it?

: I'm not sure. I imagine that's a fairly weak score but I guess you can't appreciate my beauty.

There is a fair difference between designs back when you aired and today's shows, so I guess that might be it.

: Then again, considering some of the things you've said I should be glad you've kept your hands above the covers.

*She glares at Topaz.*

Hey, sometimes I can't control my hands when it comes to that!

*The loud speaker comes on.*

: Cadet Kureha! Come to the bridge immediately! We have a situation!

: Oh no!

I'll come with you!

: But you need to rest.

It's alright, doing the blog was enough rest. Besides, this may be my ticket home.

: ...Just because this is a "situation" doesn't mean that you'll be involved you know.

You'd be surprised at how often a "situation" revolves around me. It's like I'm the main character or something.

: CADET KUREHA, MAKE HASTE!

: Alright, you can come with. Just don't slow me down!

*The two run down the space station's corridors. Eventually they make it to the bridge, and a large glowing portal, even bigger than the space station has appeared. The inside circle of the portal is static, as if an old television needed adjusting.*

: Wow, now that's a huge hole!

*Topaz snickers.*

: OH GROW UP!

: It seems that we've stumbled upon a giant distortion in the time and space streams.

I blame Palkia and Dialga!

: Who?

Never mind... Go on.

: Affirmative. Now, we are suspecting that this may be due to a ghoul trying to enter our reality. As a result I want you to go investigate, Cadet Kureha.

*The portal finally comes in focus and there seems to be a giant butt wearing a pair of spats shaking into it.*

GIANT BUTT!

: Really?!

Just pointing it out...

: *Ahem* as... improbable as it may be, I imagine that you have something to do with this. Er, what was your name again?

I'm Topaz!

: Well then Topaz, why don't you go with Misaki and investigate this.. quite large posterior.

: Why should I bring him?

Because I totally recognize that butt!

: W-what? Really?!

Yeah, I'd know my assistant's bum anywhere! That must be my way home!

*Misaki sighs*

: Well, if you know what you're doing.

*Misaki and Topaz head to the docking bay, where they get into the same mecha.*

It's tight in here!

: Oops! It's because these machines are only meant for one person! Urgh. You'd better keep your hands where I can see them.

Sure. *Holds up hands.*

: Good, now let's get going.

*Misaki drives her mecha towards the giant portal. They stop just outside of it.*

So how am I going to get out there?

: Well, stop poking me and I'll tell you!

Uhhh..

*Topaz looks at his hands still upright and in full view.*

: Wait, if your hands are up there... OH GROSS!

Hey, it's not MY fault it's cramped in here!

: It's about to become less cramped in here after I do THIS!

*Misaki presses an eject button and sends Topaz spinning towards the portal. He hurdles through space, the portal closing behind him. Eventually lands face-first on Ririchiyo's spats butt.*

MMMPH!

: TOPAZ! You pervert!

*Ririchiyo pushes him away using her butt only.*

: I mean, I'm glad to see you return safely but did you really have to land on my bottom?!

At least my landing was soft! Though sadly it wasn't as big as it looked in that portal, I was hoping for some more giantess fun...

*She shakes her head.*

: What am I going to do with you?

Probably punish me by making me be your chair.

: Sounds like a good plan. Now get on all fours, slave!

*Topaz does so and Riri climbs on his back. They walk out of the room, with Riri's butt jiggling on his back.*

: Now go home! I'm sure Kimiko and Rika are waiting for us!



Wait, before we go how about we talk about the yearly meganekko?

: We can do that after we return. Or... Wait, is she another NURSE?

*Topaz averts his eyes and sweats in a comedic fashion.*

: You know that your readers are probably getting bored of that stereotype, especially after all the poor recent examples. And let me guess, she's really poorly busty or something dumb like that, isn't she!

*Topaz says nothing but tries to avoid the question more.*

: You'll never learn, Topaz! You perverted breast-obsessed pig! I bet you even forgot that you do angels around this time of year.

Oh don't worry, I have that covered...

: Eh? Whatever, just go to her and get this over with. *sighs.*

That's alright by me.

*Topaz carries Riri further down the hallways of the hospital.*
Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 23, 2015 11:12 PM | 0 comments
December 17th, 2015
Anime Relations: Triage X, Triage X OVA
This is the Three-hundredth-sixty-eighth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*We start the blog as a busty nurse is typing into a computer. Topaz is strapped to a wheelchair with a large gate behind him.*

Welcome back everyone. Though it seems like barely any time has passed since I saw you last.

: Time works funny in blogs.

Sorta like how shounen remain in the same year while years pass in real life.

: That's a good analogy. Though don't forget your promise. I would suggest that you do my blog while I finish up here. Then I'll send you home safe and sound!

Sounds like a good idea... Hey, what's that noise?

*A pounding sound is heard on the door.*

: N-NOTHING IMPORTANT!

*Outside Ririchiyo is pounding on the door with her hands.*

: Come on! I know that you're in there Topaz! Let me in!

It sounds like Ririchiyo...

: You must be imagining things! It must be that deadly Shadow Elemental Core acting up. D-don't worry, I know the perfect "medicine" to get these zany hallucinations out of your head. But first, why don't you start your blog on little ol' me? Or should I say... BIG ol' me?

*Yuuko arcs her back and bounces her chest in an obnoxious fashion.*

: (Hopefully Topaz will be too distracted by this to notice the noise outside-HE'S NOT EVEN LOOKING!)

*Yuuko glares as Topaz's eyes are closed and his nose is wriggling.*

: Oh come on! I even made sure to smell "fresh" like you like, I can't possibly stink!

Oh, sorry. I think I have a sneeze coming up, and was trying to hold it back. Can you help? My hands are occupied...

: *Sigh* Sure...

*Yuuko helps Topaz blow his nose into a tissue. She then properly disposes and washes up.*

: Fufufu. I bet that's not the first time I "helped" you to blow a "load" into a tissue.

Eh?

: *Sighs and facepalms* Fine, go on. Just get it over with...

Gladly! Though we can't forget about the beginning as...

Today's girl is:



Yuuko Sagiri
from
Triage X


*The pounding is heard louder, as if someone is slashing against the door.*

Hey, it really does sound like someone is there now...

: N-nonsense! You're just making things up now. Stop delaying the blog!

Hmmm, I do often have that problem. And it seems that the attacks have stopped anyway so let's continue.

*Outside the door, which seems to have been struck by a scythe multiple times.*

: Pant Pant... This door is extremely thick. I haven't even left a cut yet. There's no way I can save Topaz by myself. I'd better go get assistance!

*Ririchiyo reverts to normal form and heads to find help.*

Head
Hair: Yuuko has long hair, going about to her hips though fortunately not covering her butt. Her hair is also very narrow, making it hard to see from the front but that's not a bad thing I think. I think it's actually sort of neat and well-maintained. Yuuko has very signature bangs as well, looking somewhat like feathers on the left side. I'd compare it to Yuri from Heartcatch, that sort of spike on the side. Said bangs also go to her shoulder, while a middle bang reaches her chest. The rest of her hair is somewhat pulled back, creating a part that shows her forehead above her left eye. She also has a bit of a zig-zag in the middle of the part in her bangs. That said, as odd as her bangs are they're very signature. You can barely tell who Yuuko is and, when we first saw her and she didn't have them, I was confused at who she was supposed to be. As far as color goes Yuuko does have a dark shade of brown, though not near-black by all means which would have been better. That said she also changes hair color in battle, turning either white or silver in the manga and a light purple in the anime. Oddly enough the reasoning behind this hasn't been explained, and she actively has to dye it back.
Grade: B

Eyes: Yuuko's eyes are a similar color to her hair, though more of a golden brown than the exact same color. Her eyes also don't change color. Her eyes are also narrow and mature looking, though because Xebec is terrible they do make her a bit softer-looking I think. She does have a tsurime which is nice too. On certain missions she was seen wearing sunglasses, but that's not a common occurrence. Overall not too bad, but nothing outstanding either.
Grade: B

Face: I'm not too much of a fan of Shouji Sato, the artist who makes this, and his art style for faces. There are occasions where the faces don't look right. That said there are a few good images of Yuuko's face which do make her look pretty. And, even if I'm not a fan, they're way better than what Xebec did with the anime. Overall in the anime she looks denser and not as sharp as she seems, and she really doesn't fit the “puni” style they were trying for. I will say that her hair frames her face well, but she does have a long chin and fair sized nose. As an older girl she does seem to wear lipstick, possibly, as her lips are brought out a bit more (a common thing for older women). Yuuko's face is nice looking, but certainly not a top favorite of mine.
Grade: B-

*More noises are heard outside the door.*

Huh. That's odd. The noises are back. And it sounds like people talking. Familiar people, no less...

: Oh no! That's one of the major symptoms! I'd better "apply" the "medicine" quickly!

*Yuuko bounces her chest obnoxiously.*

: But first I cannot forget THESE!

*She puts on a pair of glasses with thick black frames.*

Pretty! But what are those glasses for?

: Silly Topaz. This is so that the "treatment" doesn't get in my eyes.

I don't get what you mean-

*The camera shifts right before Topaz ends that sentence. Instead we once again join Ririchiyo outside, though it seems she's joined by two other nurses.*

: Hear that? It sounds like Topaz is getting TORTURED in there!

: You're right! Just listen to all that moaning!

: ...For the sake of your innocence I'll feint ignorance.

: What was that?

: Er, n-nothing! I'm just thinking of ways to break him out of there.

: Don't you have a potion for just an occasion?

: I gave Topaz any extra potions I had a while back, and even if I did we couldn't get through the transporter door. That thing is the thickest steel the hospital could afford.

: Well then WHY did you make the room so hard to get into?!

: In case something got transported in that was dangerous we wanted to have the ability to keep it away from the rest of the hospital.

: Okay, so I can't blame you for that. You don't want the Behemoth you're carrying to break out of the Cargo hold...

: Eh?

: N-nothing! Topaz would get that joke though...

: Why don't we try that one "eye beam" you keep trying to use?

: W-what? I do no s-such thing! You must have been mistakeeennnn!

*Hitomi runs off, her one big eye tearing up. Touko sighs.*

: Well, I guess I'd better go help her. Sorry we couldn't be more help.

: Heh, you may have been useless but do not think that I didn't enjoy you company.

: Well fine then!

*She leaves in a huff.*

: Wait! I didn't mean that as an insult! Well, I guess I have another five-page apology letter to write, but first I have to find someone more useful!

*Back inside the room Yuuko's shirt is all dirty and Topaz is panting.*

: So how was that?

I'm not sure... But I do suppose that it made the sounds go away.

: (Fufufu. I can't believe he's so gullible that he hasn't realized that I'm here on official Black Label business. And the stuff I just used on him is embalming fluid...). Of course, would you expect me to use medicine that didn't cure things?

True. Though sorry that your shirt got all dirty.

: Fufufu, it does look like I did something naughty, didn't I? So how about we continue with the blog and I'll go behind a curtain to change.

Sounds like an idea, so here goes!

Body
Build: We've been having a good month so far, first week aside, as we have another girl with measurements! Yuuko is 175 cm tall (which makes her as tall as the lead Arashi) and her three sizes are, well, better prepare for this as they're awful. With a chest of 111 cm, a waist of 61 cm, and a hip measurement of 91 you can easily tell the main problem. Obviously it's that she's extremely top-heavy, with a difference of 20 cm. Now, I usually call 5 and under pretty “even” while 10 is pushing it, so you can imagine what a difference of 20 cm is. That's near Cattleya level, who has a 21 cm (but is also better due to having a 99 cm butt that outranks nearly every other anime character I know of). It's hard to imagine how she walks without her back caving in under the pressure. That said, they could have shaved 10-11 cm off her chest, kept the same visual shape, and it wouldn't be as bad.
Awful bust size aside (or at least kept until the next area) Yuuko isn't too terrible. As said being tall helps, and surprisingly during one sequence, she gets her LEGS shown off. Her thighs look extremely meaty and her legs have a great shape to them. Also, again not counting her insane chest her measurements aren't too bad. It's a surprise to see a woman with a waist over 60 cm, and a bum bigger than 90 cm is also always appreciated. Yuuko might not show it off too much (you can imagine multiple reasons why this may be) but the two times she does aren't half bad. Of particular interest is something I saw in the OVA (or at least a gif of); Yuuko has a jiggly butt! Sure they have to pull a Xebec and show off her chest RIGHT after with TWO bounces but it's nice to know that they understand how to show other parts off. Even if it's almost like it was a second thought. If only they'd understand about showing Mikan's sweet rump now...
Grade: C

Breasts: As said before Yuuko is insanely busty. Not many girls outrank a 111 cm chest without being pretty mammoth themselves (like the aforementioned Cattleya). Of course they're shown off at every possible moment, both in the series and in official art. She's extremely bouncy, sometimes in an obnoxious way. She does have some pluses, like looking very soft (especially in the Xebec version) and when her chest focus is a bit more subtle she isn't too bad. Her chest also sags a bit, somewhat in a realistic manner which is nice to see. Like a lot of the girls in the series she has pretty big (if fitting) nipples, though it did take until the DVDs to show them off. I may have mentioned this in Oriha's blog, but covering 90% of the screen with glowing light is awful, and I want to make the possibly-offensive tumor joke again but it wouldn't have the same impact. I will also say that Yuuko has the Ampoule mark, the red cross if you will, I think tattooed on her upper left chest. It's over about where her heart is, and almost touches her arm pit. I suppose that, as outlandish as Yuuko is, at least she's an adult and not some over-busty middle school girl or something.
Grade: B

Clothes: Yuuko has a fairly small wardrobe, and what she has is very mamocentric. We first see her in the middle of a mission in a bikini that's FAR too small for her chest and she desperately needs more support. After that we see her more often in her casual wear. It's only slightly better as it consists of a blue green shirt (though pink in the anime) that at least seems to support her a bit better, a lab coat, and a black skirt (though it seems the series can't decide if it's pleated or not). Her battle outfit is more interesting as it consists of a short white jacket, a black shirt underneath, and low-cut tight white pants. That's probably my favorite outfit she wears as, even with the cleavage focus, it means she'll be kicking bottom pretty soon and her white pants also look better than skirts could. It's also fairly well known that Yuuko always wears heels, and while I'm not a big fan of them the fact that they cause the aforementioned leg shot I do appreciate them. It's also funny as at the time a guy is saying that she can't sneak up on people due to her heels. Anyway that's about it for the official series, though the OVA also adds a red bunny outfit with thighhighs (though it seems that it doesn't fit Yuuko's chest, like so many outfits). In official art she also wears a extremely skimpy nurse's bib with thong (not that the latter matters as she's sitting down), a couple of towels, and a black bikini that really doesn't support her either. There may be more in the aforementioned OVA (I can't be sure as it hasn't been subbed) or in the manga which I don't read, but I wouldn't expect anything too huge. Overall, other than her biker-like battle outfit it's not too interesting or varied but that one outfit does look pretty nice on her.
Grade: C+

Huh, it sounds like there's something going on outside.

*Yuuko returns, wearing a different but still cleavage-showing shirt. Even if her image isn't showing it.*

: Well this is a hospital. Medical things are probably going on. Hey, how about I distract you with a "puff puff".

Naw, I'm good. I'd rather just get the blog done and go home.

*Yuuko clicks her tongue.*

: (What kind of chest-obsessed pervert IS he? I'm surprised that the VIRGIN isn't GUSHING, literally and figuratively, at the thought of being crushed by my gigantic boobies. But I can't show my anger, that wouldn't be professional of me.) Ohohoho, you think that I was giving you the option to say "no"?

*Meanwhile, Outside the door a woman is using glowing powers to investigate the door.*

: Hurry it up there! I can hear Topaz's muffled moaning as if someone is trying to asphyxiate him!

: Yep, this is certainly a door.

: I knew that already! Now break it down with your Maken or what ever it's called.

: My Maken is only used for medical examinations, not for combat.

: Gwaaah! Useless! Foiled again! Is there someone here that can get through this door? I've got to save Topaz!

*She runs off again. Returning to inside the room Topaz has a messy hair style and Yuuko is pulling down her shirt.*

: You're bound to have enjoyed that, didn't you?

Not especially.

: WHAT? (How can he say something like that? After I did something so VULGAR to him, no less. Do you know how many people would KILL to be in your position, you ungrateful- Deep breath, Yuuko. Don't get too agitated.) W-what went wrong?

Your chest is far too big and I had difficulty breathing. As a result I couldn't fully enjoy it. Though I guess I'm not as, well, "randy", as usual since I've watched a bunch of hentai recently.

: CURSES! Beaten out by computers again!

I didn't know you'd be so depressed by this.

: Just finish up your dumb blog! Jeez!

I'm not a fan of your tone, but I'll still finish off the blog anyway.

*Topaz continues, now suspicious of Yuuko.*

Mind
Personality: Yuuko is a nurse that is also a member of Black Label. As said back in Oriha's blog they're a group of terrorists that cut out the tumors of humanity. It's completely possible she was one of the original members as well, being seen in flashbacks most of the time. That said there's still a lot of mystery concerning her. Or maybe her backstory wasn't in the anime, who knows. Personality-wise she seems to be a calm, mature TDB. She even has a katana (which she calls “the Orochi.”) so she's got a bit of honor blade to her as well. She's quite strong too as she was able to cut a car in half at one point. Yuuko in the anime is voiced by Fuyuka Ooura, who is probably best known for doing the genderswap Run/Ran of To-Love-Ru (unless there's a bigger person I missed). She gives a good performance, making Yuuko suitably older-sounding.
The biggest problem with Yuuko, besides not knowing much about her, should be obvious. You see, the creator of Triage X also makes Highschool of the Dead. The parallels between Yuuko and Saeko are pretty easy to see, which shows that the creator didn't really try too hard with the series character-wise. And while Saeko is pretty epic, Yuuko comes off as pretty dull.

: Hey! I'm not just a clone of that Saeko girl!

Of course not. Body-wise you're more like Shizuku from the same series. In fact fittingly you even share an official image with her. Yuuko is also the most popular girl in the series, and I figure that it's precisely because she's the bustiest. That said it's not like the girls have a lot of character so people found it fitting to go after the most common fetish it seems. It's a shame that the creator decided to work on this load of mess rather than more HotD as Saeko, the butt girl, is the favorite there. Overall she has some good traits, but they're so watered down and we know absolutely nothing about her past that it's hard to say she's a good girl.

*Yuuko clicks her tongue and starts to take her sword out. She then takes a deep breath and slips it back in the sheath.*

: (Don't attack him now. You've gotten so far that you can't lose it now.) Why don't you continue onward, Topaz.

*She puts on a fake smile, though she has the cross-shaped anger mark.*

On it!
Grade: C+

Libido: Yuuko's libido is a mystery, or at least as far as my anime-only knowledge goes. About the best example is that when the lead gets kissed she seems a little jealous, but she doesn't seem to flirt or tease him at all. Granted he'd probably react like a brick wall, but still. She does get hit on when she needs to walk home after a mission when her motorcycle gets ruined, with the offscreen guys even asking her to act in a porno. Obviously she refused and got angry at the ones who left her stranded later on. I might say that she has a relationship with Sayo, another member of Black Label, due to Yuuko being the one who took care of her. Said Sayo also was the one who got attacked a few sentences ago, with Yuuko whipping and dominating her with a towel (which, thinking about it, would be nice if Yuuko were more dominant). And hey, going back to that kiss it WAS Sayo that kissed Arashi so it's completely possible that she was jealous of HIM instead xD. Then there's also Miki, which I only found out recently as the two didn't seem to have much interaction in the anime.
Grade: C

Age: Yuuko is twenty-eight years old. While still within my “range” she is in the very upper end of it. And it's far easier to forgive the lower-ends as they'll age into it as opposed to an older girl that will no longer count in a single year. Sure it's a bit picky and I do still greatly appreciate her age, but I do have to mention why she's not perfect here.
Grade: A

Total Grades: 64
Average score: 7.1
Final Grade: B-

And that's the end of the blog.

: Ehhh? I scored terrible! Well, not as bad as Oriha, but still. I was expecting my massive bust to score me much better!

I can't use noncanon things such as the things you do in a blog to be used for blog grading. It's complicated. But on the topic of Oriha, perhaps you can tell me the REAL reason you've strapped me to this chair.

: Fufufu, I had figured you'd caught on when I nearly lost my cool. But to explain it further I'm here to defeat you as a member of the Black Label.

Oh no! Does that mean that the other girls are here? Is Riri in trouble?

: Why didn't I think of that? But no, I came here alone. I'm not even here by anyone's orders, I just want to get my revenge on the one who put Oriha behind bars!

Technically I just blasted her away. Mawari is the one who arrested her.

: You were still an accomplice, and for that I'll send you to DEEP SPACE!

Oh no! I haven't even seen that series!

: Not the series, I mean the actual blackness of space!

But I'll die!

: Fufufu, you think I'd mind?

*Topaz smirks.*

But isn't there something you're forgetting? When I die-

: Oh yes, that pesky "Reincarnation" ability. Did you know that there's a way to beat that and keep your body in the same place?

N-no...

: That's right! The embalming fluid I covered you earlier! And now, prepare to meet your DOOM. FOR ORIHA!

*Yuuko flips a switch, teleporting Topaz away. Just as he de-materializes the door is slashed to ribbons.*

: You're too late, I already sent Topaz in a place you'd never find him!

: Grrr, I always knew a busty girl would be the end of him. I just didn't think it would be this soon.

???: Don't worry, I'll take care of this chest-brained nurse while you try to find Topaz.

: Y-YOU! Do you think I'd be intimidated by you...

Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 17, 2015 7:32 AM | 0 comments
December 10th, 2015
*Topaz is waiting in a hospital bed.*

Welcome back everyone. It seems that, after my blog on Kaguya last week, Eirin teleported me into this nice, safe hospital.

: Not to mention it JUST HAPPENED to be the one that I'm at.

*Ririchiyo pops into the scene.*

Wait, you don't seem hurt.

: I meant because I happened to be here, but not as a patient!

Does that mean you're a nurse or doctor. Oh wait, you don't have any PATIENCE!

*Riri slaps Topaz for his bad joke.*

: (W-what am I doing. His joke was terrible, but I really should not have smacked Topaz when this is the first time I've seen him in a few weeks. Plus his body is probably still recovering.) E-er, there was a mosquito! (NO! He can't be that foolish to fall for such an easy-)

Well then, thank you. These odd December mosquitos are most likely the thirstiest of all insects.

: (HE BOUGHT IT!) O-of course! Anyway, you look perfectly fine. I hope you're not here just for the free pudding!

THERE'S FREE PUDDING?! Wait, no. I'm just here to have one of Eirin's friend's check up on me.

: That's good, I wouldn't want you to get kicked out like Rise was. Plus whoever this girl is you can do a blog on her.

That's a great idea, now if only she'd show up.

: Someone ask for me?

*Aki enters Topaz's room.*

: Great, another busty nurse. Hopefully your one reader won't mind.

I'm sure he won't. Zettai is very understandable! Plus he does like Aki.

: I do suppose he has mature tastes sometimes. Like with that one mother last week.

: I haven't the foggiest idea what you two are talking about...

*Aki smiles warmly.*

: Oh, we're talking about Topaz doing his blog on you this week.

: A blog? I think I recall Kodama mentioning something about a long time back.

: Over a year ago, no less. Man Zettai really confused you with that "uses electric powers and wears a thong" hint.

Certainly! But for now I'd like to talk about you, Aki.

: R-really? Usually guys are intimidated by me...

: I'm not surprised, with those "weapons" pointed right at them.

*Ririchiyo glares at the adult's chest, prompting her to cover herself with her arms.*

Hey, Aki has some great points, and I don't mean just when it's cold out! In fact, how about I begin this blog now, as...

Today's girl is:



Aki Nijou
from
Maken-Ki


: Er, what if I don't want to be blogged on.

I'll apologize in that case. I'm sorry! Also I'd do the dogeza but I can't currently feel my legs...

: That's just because you're lazy!

Shhhh...

: No need to hurt yourself on my account. I'd love to have you talk about me. Though I will have to give you the check up after. And don't be too long, I have other patients too...

You're always so caring for everyone. But enough delaying, as you say it's time to get to the blog!

Head
Hair: Aki's hair appeals to me really well. For one, the color is spot-on. Her hair is dark blue, with it being a bit lighter (though still dark blue) or more purple in the second season. There are times when her hair looks black as well, and in the manga it also looks black due to the monochrome coloring. Her hair is also long, reaching about to her hips or so though fortunately it doesn't seem to affect her buttshots. Aki also keeps her hair down and has it flowing down her back, which is always good. In the past, specifically in Zero and other high school moments, she seemed to have twintails sticking out from the sides of her head instead. The long, flowing kind that I happen to like, which is good. She also had far shorter hair, only about to her shoulders though a bit further in back, in a certain infamous flashback that we shouldn't discuss until later. She also wears a ponytail in (at least) one occasion in the manga, but the problem is that Haruka, another female character, ALSO has a ponytail and dark hair so at first I thought it was her helping the lead out xD. Probably the biggest problem with Aki's hair are her bangs, or more accurately what's right above them. She has KEY horns, meaning her hair sticks up really far, and while not a bad thing it is a bit off-putting. She's not Akiko after all (even if the series and fans try hard to make her so). She also has M-shaped bangs, though with a bit more hair here and there. Her sides reach her shoulders which is nice and frames her hair well, and she has a cowlick in back so a bit of her hair sticks up. Overall she does really well but her horns bring her down ever so slightly.
Grade: A-

Eyes: Aki has small, sorta narrow eyes, and about three types of shapes. The first I saw was the first anime version where Aki's eye has a curved top and eyelashes. It just looks so stiff and boring, at least to me, and I thought it was generic-looking. I wasn't too fond of it, though get used to that as I wasn't a big fan of the first anime. That said, the second anime isn't much better. While the season is a lot, well, “puni-er”, they really shouldn't give Aki's normally-tsurime eyes the tarame treatment. Sure it fit with the character models, but as a big fan of tsurime's I'm not big on the redesign. The manga, however, is GREAT. In it Aki seems to have a strong tsurime and a lot of life in her eyes as well, far more than the anime series seem to give. I also can't forget that Aki has purple eyes which are amazing and my favorite color. It goes well with her eyes. Sadly the first anime also changed her to have brown/rust-colored eyes. Her hair wasn't dark enough to go for the red eyes/black hair appeal, not that her eyes were anything more than a dull orange which didn't look great. Unfortunately for me Aki also doesn't wear glasses, or if she did I have forgotten (and shame on me) so she suffers a bit here.
Grade: B-

Face: Much like Aki's eyes her face depends on which season you're watching. I'm not sure but I wasn't a fan of the first one, again because she seemed really generic. I'm not sure what it was, maybe the shading was off or something to that matter, but it just didn't look too appealing. Her nose was also apparent, but that's not the only reason. That said, other than the eyes the Xebec season is great with the faces. Sure it seems generic too but her face looks so soft, especially her cheeks. It helps that her cheeks are cute and rosy at times. The manga also doesn't seem too bad either, with a bit of lip from what I've seen (and I don't mean that as an insult) and still retaining a mostly-soft look. In general Aki is quite pretty, but not in an outstanding way.
Grade: B

Body
Build: Since Maken-Ki is a fanservice series you know what that means: MEASUREMENTS! Oddly enough I'm not sure her exact height, but she seems to be around 170 cm, which I only found out due to a bust chart also having the height in it. Her three sizes are 103/58/92, which means that she's overly busty with a chest over 11 cm larger than her hips. Obviously this leads to a problem I'll mention below, but do know that Maken-Ki isn't a poor show that only centers on bust-service. No matter how much Xebec tried to make it seem like that. She has a voluptuous figure which I do enjoy, and her legs are pretty curvy too. Also remember that Aki's butt is over 90 cm which helps, and she does show it off adequately. There's the one moment where she shows it in high school when her panties get snagged on a branch, and in the first season's OVA she gets a REALLY glorious buttshot too. Even the Xebec anime tried and had her shake her butt for a calligraphy lesson! It wasn't shown as well as it could due to her skirt, and it would have been better had she had a pen between her cheeks (and then pulled a Snow Black for even MORE appeal) but that takes effort which is something Xebec isn't too known for. Oh, and we can't forget the fact that she facesits to heal at one point. Overall not bad, but do know that she's deeply affected by the next area.
Grade: B+

Breasts: The problem I keep bringing up is that Aki is REALLY busty. She's easily the bustiest member of the cast and thus became the perverse fans most popular character. She also unintentionally shoves chest-related fanservice as often as she can. She also has a K-cup, and is so busty that she makes Haruka, who has H-cups, feel so intimidated that she used PADS. Yes, another girl with really large breasts used PADS. Aki is also somewhat floppy and overly bouncy, and the second season OVA really overplays her chest with certain angles. Her nipples are really bad too, with the second season's specials making them stand out even further. And, to further the problem, the second season had a particularly offensive moment. It showed a flash back to Aki in grade school and she already had really large breasts. AND she said she wanted to make them bigger to attract the best husband (though it's more like she'll attract the most baby-ish of harem leads). Luckily we can take this as non-canon and call Xebec a bunch of idiots.
However, even though there's a lot against Aki in theory, I still like her chest. She has a great chest for my foolish tastes and, even with nipple problems, the fact that she does show them does help. She also marshmallows the lead at one point and allows him to fondle her as well. Not that he'll remember it but she also sorta-paizuried his arm on accident in the manga which was really sexy. I also like the Xebec anime as, while she's still really busty they also made the rest of her look plumper so it's not as awful. But even then it's not like her chest doesn't work well with her body. Overall, if she had a smaller bust size and didn't have both the creators and fans drooling over her every bust moment and begging for more she wouldn't be a problem.
Grade: A-

Clothes: Aki surprisingly wears a lot of sexy outfits for such an innocent girl. Her main out fit is a lab coat that sadly reaches past her hips, a purple strapless top with lots of cleavage (more in the first season due to having laces in the middle), and a short brown skirt. The skirt is interesting as it's short enough to show her butt off when she bends over and apparently she wears purple panties (though I've also heard she wears green too). She also wears heels, but that's not something I'm into. The Xebec series also has her wear a variation with a black skirt (though also short) as well as a black top with very thin straps. In the flashback to high school she wears a generic sailor outfit that the school uses, nothing too special but I do like the red necktie and thighhigh socks.
Aki wears a lot of other outfits as well, but we'll start with the bad. The first is that she wears two different sling swimsuits, one white and looks more like straps from the first season and a thicker purple version in the second. I do prefer the color and look of the second but really Aki is NOT the type of girl that should wear sling swimsuits. Her chest is far too big and that outfit should be reserved for sexy lolis like Kodama and the like. She also wears a purple bikini though one that doesn't seem to have enough chest-support either. The bottom being thong-like is nice, but the string starts a bit too close to her crotch for my liking. This is different from the one she wears in the second season OVA, though that too doesn't seem as supportive (better, at least). In an image with the girls all representing a certain season Aki symbolizes fall and has on a Halloween bikini, again not too supportive but I do like the bats on top of the “bra” part and her nylon thighhighs look good too. In better outfits she also has a frilly pink dress with pants and wears a lab coat with cat ears and tail (though not supportive it is pretty sexy). Aki also wears a school swimsuit as well as a gym uniform with blue buruma, which get pulled off in a sexy manner. She also has some other outfits including a bunny outfit, a cheerleader, a school girl as a “reward” for the lead, and a nurse's outfit, all nice outfits. Overall she has great variety, but the fact that she has a chest focus as well as support issues brings her down.
Grade: A-

: Oh PLEASE!

What's wrong?

: Isn't it obvious? I know better than anyone that you enjoy Aki's dumb busty moments! Don't try and deny it.

: W-wha?

It's not what it sounds like!

: Of course it is! You see, Topaz... hmmm, how should I put it... He used his hand as a “compress” to try and “subdue” his “swelling”.

: O-oh my!

*Aki blushes.*

I don't think Aki wants to hear about that!

: Oh come on. You know you “painted the tissues white” MANY times to her.

*Ririchiyo does a obscene hand gesture.*

Alright, so I did! I'm weak to certain types of scenes! Will you forgive me?

: As long as you accept being a HUGE PERVERT!

: H-hey! It's perfectly natural for a young man to feel the n-need to release his... urges.

: I know... *Sighs* But I just wish he'd be more varied in his “fuel”. And I don't mean traps!

Don't worry, I'll be sure to try to enjoy girls like you much more in the future.

: W-what? Why would you tell me that!

: You told me...

: Yeah, but it's not like we'll see you much. I have to WORK with him!

I don't see a problem. Though speaking of “work” I should return to the blog!

Mind
Personality: This is, oddly enough, Aki's weakest point. No, it's not like she's mean or annoying or anything. Rather she's kind of bland and is mainly used as eye candy. That said, she is motherly and kind, and she works as the school nurse. She excels at this as her Maken ability, called Valhelm, allows her to see what's medically wrong with people. She can also use it to erase short term memory, which is something I really don't like. Not only that but she's also one of the original Maken-ki, a group her friend Minori came up with to protect the school. They've had a hand in protecting it ever since. And... that's about it. Really, there's not a lot of depth with Aki which is a lot of her problem here. Outside of her body and people being attracted to it Aki doesn't do much for the story (unless something happens further on that I don't know about). Other than healing, I guess. But I don't know, it just seems that they could have done her better.
I will say that Hitomi Harada gives Aki a really seductive and mature voice. She sounds really amazing, and it's hard to believe that the same person that does her also does characters like Nori from Hidamari Sketch or Asuka from Senran Kagura. Her nice voice does do Aki well.

: Don't forget that she voiced Fuji-san as well, so it's not like Aki is near the worst busty character she did.

Right, Fuji-san is so notorious that I'll never forget her!

: Then why didn't you point her out during Eirin or Kaguya's blogs?

What, and bring them down with her? I'm not that cruel.

: Sounds like you're making excuses...

Noooo....
Grade: C+

Libido: The first thing to know about Aki here is that she's very naïve. It's canon that she's still a virgin, not that it matters to much to me, but it seems that her body intimidates most men and she's treated as “unobtainable”. It's possible that she's getting feelings for the lead, because it can't be a harem without everyone going after the same guy, but I can't be sure. It depends on if you count the second season's episode with her as canon. There are times when she's totally trying to hit on him, and she even ends up handcuffed and alone with him! Sure it's because her parents captured them and sent them to a deserted island, but still. I do like the younger guy/older girl aspect of the relationship, but I'm surprised that Aki suggested that she was dating the lead. That kind of idea that could have ended up getting her fired, after all. I also suppose that, as her and Minori are childhood friends and we see them together a lot, that there is something there.
Grade: B

Age: I'm not sure if they bring it up in the manga, but I'm not exactly sure how old Aki is. It's likely that she's at least in her twenties as she's a teacher, but it's possible that she's older (though not likely). She does have flashbacks to highschool, showing the creation of the Maken-ki club, which is a great story and I'd like to see more of her in that series. We also won't speak of “that scene” more either...
Grade: A

Total Grades: 79
Average score: 8.8
Final Grade: B+

: Dear me, that seems to be a good score.

: Maybe, you did beat Kaguya from last week but I'm still above you.

You know, when you say things like that it's like you think I love you.

: *flustered* What cr-crazy things are you talking about. Aki, hurry and get this delusional idiot checked up. It seems he's having halluciations or something!

: How awful. I'd better get right to the examination!

*Aki sexily puts on pantyhose, her big butt barely fitting.*

: Is that really necessary?

: I suppose not. Would you have rather me sit on Topaz's face in just my thong?

EITHER'S FINE!

: QUIET YOU!

: I thought as much. Now, let me just slide on you and...

*Aki's massive behind muffles Topaz's moans. He struggles slightly, but eventually his face gets comfortable cradled between Aki's buttcheeks.*

: Alright then, let's go Valhelm!

*Aki uses her Maken to inspect Topaz's body.*

: I see a lot of dark energy around your heart. Are you alright, Topaz?

: I think you're muffling him too much. But, from what Kimiko told me he has a shadow elemental core inside him.

: That would explain this. And I don't have the expertise to extract it either.

: I can believe that. Even the finest doctors we've been able to meet haven't been able to do anything about it. N-not that you're not skilled, of course!

: Thank you for being so confident in my ability. But now I'd like some privacy to inspect his more.. "vital" locations...

: *Sigghhh*.... I suppose that I'll allow this. You'd better not fool around TOO much with the curvy virgin nurse!

: W-what?! I only meant as far as medically. What do you take me for?

: I was afraid you'd take Topaz away from me...

: What was that?

: N-NOTHING! Just sh-shut up, moron! Baka! Nyeen!

*Ririchiyo sticks her tongue out at Aki and runs out of the room. Time passes as she's waiting in the room.*

: Man, these are some ancient magazines! Hmm? What's this? A new Nintendo console?! Oh, just the Dolphin.... *flips through pages bored* Well, I better go visit Topaz. He'll probably be wiping her face and newly-acquired glasses clean after enjoying some "Pie". Then again he might be good and just be in an accidental perverted position, that sounds more like him.

*She opens the door and only Aki is sitting there.*

: Hey! Where did Topaz go?

: Oh, you just missed him. I finished up on the exams and, other than his heart, he seemed in perfect health. After that another nurse came and said that she'll "take care of him". I think they're going to the teleportation system so that he can go back home.

: That's a relief. Hopefully this dumb arc will be done for good. Though I have this odd nagging feeling.

==Meanwhile==
[spoiler]
*Topaz is being wheeled off, his hands bound to the arms of the chair. While pushing him from behind the girls overly large breasts purposely strike him in the back of his head.*

Wow, I can't believe I'd meet two curvy adult nurses in one day.

: Ufufu, well, it is a hospital. And it's not every day that a major internet celebrity like you comes here.

Oh, I'm not that popular. I only have one reader!

: A shame. A great writer like yourself deserves more credit! Besides, you've got plenty of girls like me reading them and looking forward to being blogged.

Thanks, and good point about doing you sometime. How does next week sound?

: Oh dear! So sudden! But I can not turn down such a gracious offer! Yes, I'd love to be blogged, tee hee.

*Yuuko wheels Topaz into a room and locks the door. Inside is a large circular sci-fi gate.*

Wow, so this is what I'll be using next week. I was unconscious the past few times so this is the first time I really get to see it.

: Indeed, it is quite large. Then again I ALSO have a few "large" things that you'll be sure to blog on.

*Topaz ignores Yuuko's obvious baiting.*

Yeah yeah. So how does this work?

: Something something technobabble!

I understand at least one of those words. Sounds cool, but I can't do it until I blog about you.

: Of course, and then *devious grin* you'll get what you DESERVE....

*Thunder booms outside.*

Huh. Sounds ominous, but what could possibly go wrong!
Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 10, 2015 11:21 AM | 0 comments
December 3rd, 2015
Welcome back everyone. Last week we found out a lot of information and blogged about Eirin. Thanks to Topaz's help I was able to escape her kicking us out and met with Kaguya.

: That's me!

Certainly. And as promised last week...

Today's girl is:



Kaguya Houraisan
from
The Touhou Series


: Woo hoo! Topaz is finally going to blog about me!

: Don't celebrate yet. We don't know if he'll say anything unsightly or something!

: It's alright. I imagine that Empry will give Kaguya the proper treatment she deserves.

: Thanks Topaz! Yaaaayyy!

*Kaguya runs back and forth.*

: Calm down this instant! You'll knock something over!

*Kaguya takes a proper sit.*

: Bubu. You never let me do anything fun.

At least she's letting me blog about you.

: I am, but after that I'll kick you out!

: Such anger. What if Empry is still in pain?

: He's ALWAYS a pain! Er, but I guess I know of another nurse that he can talk to. We'll see after.

Well then, let's get going!

Head
Hair: Kaguya has the best hair in the Touhou universe. Not only that, but she has my absolute favorite hairstyle in general. She has a black hime cut with really long hair in back. Her hair is about waist-length, but there are times where it seems longer. Of course her main attribute is her hime cut, befitting a pure Japanese beauty like her (even if she is from the moon). She has long sides as well, going about to her chest and, while they don't always cover her ears, still greatly frame her face. It's hard to compare to such gorgeous beauty. About the only flaw, if you can even call it that, is that Kaguya does not wear a hat. While not as big of a deal now this made Kaguya really unique when she first came out as pretty much every other character had one. That said it's nothing too major and she looks absolutely amazing anyway so I wouldn't say her hair is anything but perfect.
Grade: A+

: I do TOO have a hat!

*Kaguya puts a pair of panties on her head.*

: Homuhomuhomu!

: Stop that this instant! Act like the princess that you are, or you'll give Topaz a poor impression!

: Fiiiinnneee....

*Kaguya puts the panties back in the drawer.*

: Right, you don't want to be arrested for being a local pervert!

: But I'm from the moon...

: Foreigners are strange.

: Wait a minute, you always wear kimonos.

: That I do.

: So whose panties are those? And why do they have phoenixes on them?

: N-no reason! *averts eyes.*

: KA-GU-YA HOU-RAI-SAN! You better not be going out without my permission!

*Kaguya whistles innocently.*

: I think at this point you'd better continue the blog...

Eyes: Kaguya is said to have dark brown eyes. This is a shame as they almost look red, which would have been nice with her black hair. That said the difference is barely there and some fanartists give her red eyes anyway. I also don't mind brown too much, either. Shape-wise her eyes are similar to Eirin's, but Kaguya's seem much softer due to her natural beauty.
Grade: B

: That reminds me of something that I can use to help my score get higher.

*With a quick flourish Kaguya pulls a pair of folded glasses out of her sleeve. She then opens them up and places them on her head.*

: Ufufufu. With this I'll get an even higher score!

As great as those are, I sadly cannot factor them into my blog. That would be unfair.

: Buuuuu... But they're even red frames which look great with my hair.

Agreed!

: Feel like giving me even a bit more? Huh? Huh?

*Kaguya adjusts her glasses quickly and repeatably, in an obnoxious factor.*

: Wait, is this why you wanted me to make you glasses?

: Gerk! Errrr....

*She averts her eyes and touches her pointer fingertips together. Eirin sighs from her ojousama's displays.*

: Why don't you get on with the blog, Topaz...

Face: Sadly, for a girl that's treated as extremely beautiful in canon I don't see why Kaguya is so different from any other Touhou girl. Not that she looks bad, it's just that there's a lot of similarities. That said I do appreciate Kaguya's small nose and features, and even in the main games she does look very pretty (which is no small feat).
Grade: B+

: How unusual. Many men have been charmed by Kaguya-hime's beauty, but you seem to not appreciate it as much.

She is very beautiful, especially for a Touhou character. However, there are girls from other series that I find more beautiful.

: But hers is a beauty that drives men wild! Helen of Troy, whose face has launched a thousand ships, pales in comparison! What sort of standards could you possibly have?!

Well, you see-

*Kimiko interrupts.*

: The lazy kind. You see Empry would rather not look for one of the devoted items to marry her. He knows that he is not worthy of such beauty, and as a result would rather indirectly insult the princess.

: I see then. You are fortunate that your friend here gave such a likely reason for your excuses.

: He should touch my cheeks to prove how soft they are!

: Wait. You mean the ones on your face, right?

: of course!

: Do not suggest that Kaguya-hime is as depraved as you two are!

As much as I would like it, I would rather not mar her beauty with my commoner hands.

: Fair reasoning. But you shall make it up to her by continuing the blog.

Don't worry, I shall do just that!

Body
Build: Unfortunately, unlike a the above areas Kaguya is not as friendly to my blog. Her body is difficult to tell due to the kimono she wears. She does at least seem slim, and she does seem to have nice legs from the rare occasion we've seen them. There's also question that in one of the games she uses the "Seamless Ceiling of Kinkaku-ji" which is a temple ceiling made of one huge board. I bring this up because one of the books says she lifts this by HAND which may show how strong she secretly is. Still, I wouldn't mind to see more of Kaguya.
Grade: C

: Zettai would love my slender body far more!

True, except that he'd love your butt to be bigger.

: Please! Don't put such thoughts in the head of my innocent Kaguya-hime!

Hey, she thought of it first last week!

: I bet I could use the power of Eternity to make my butt infinite!

That MAY be slightly too big for Zettai.

: Surprises can happen, as I never would think those words would be uttered!

: True. I imagine being middle school-size would be best for him.

: Certainly, much like Reika who is another "beauty"!

: GWAH! I still don't like how the American FLUB gave her the horrible name of "Chloe". I mean, what kind of dumb name is that for the traditional Japanese girl!

I know! They picked horrible names! But this is about Kaguya and not about some silly Glittery girls, so let's continue with her.

Breasts: Much like a lot of other Touhou characters, Kaguya's chest size is unknown. Her images aren't helpful and in general her robes hide her body shape a lot. She's kind of like Patchouli in that way. Personally I believe that she's a flat Japanese beauty. Not quite loli-flat, but enough to look beautiful in kimonos and fitting of her body size. Fan art tends to agree, with Kaguya being mainly flat (there's some odd image that may exist, but they're few and far between especially compared to other characters).
Grade: C

: Speaking of breast sizes-

: Kaguya-hime, leave this matter aside once and for all!

: NO! I must find out the mystery that has haunted me for nearly 300 blogs. Topaz, I ask of you: What is Patchouli's chest size?

: I'm curious as well!

I can't say. I swore to her privacy!

: What's the worse that could happen?

: An age old question gets an answer and one side takes that as evidence that they were right all the time.

: Well then, at least whisper it to me.

I suppose... whisper whisper

: Hey! I can't hear!

: I see I see. It's the opposite of what I was expecting.

: Are you satisfied now?

: Yes, the mystery is safe with me.

: This seems unfair!

You could always ask her yourself.

: I have, but she always slaps me, scolds me for getting into her library, and blasts me out a window with magic.

: You'd think you'd learn after the first time...

I admire her determination, though I should get back to the blog.

Clothes: Like a lot of Touhou characters Kaguya's wardrobe is pretty simple. She wears a pink heavy kimono with white bows down the front and a white collar. Her skirt is burgundy with golden designs. She also has a white under skirt, so you can imagine how difficult it is to appreciate the beauty of her body. That said, kimonos DO look really nice on her. She is a classic Japanese beauty, after all. Luckily for Kaguya I researched a bit of the Inaba manga and found out she wears a few alternate outfits, so good for her! As an example, in one chapter she has a frilly one-piece swimsuit when she's sitting in a kiddie pool. In another chapter she's getting ready to go to a party at the Scarlet Mansion and she puts on things like cat ears and paws, a gothloli dress and another frilly dress, and a boyish outfit with both a necktie and tiny hat. These little moments did well to help her out, though I do hope that there wasn't any that I missed. She also owns a spacesuit, which she dressed Aya in during a lunar exhibition in a book.
Grade: B-

: If only my noncanon lack of panties would help here...*sighs*

: You need to act like a princess and get such perverse ideas out of your head. I blame the computer wrecking your sense of modesty.

: I wouldn't mind if Kaguya was less modest in her dress.

I agree. Just imagine her great classic Japanese beauty in a maid outfit.

: Or Miko!

Or a sukumizu!

: Or a Chinese dress!

Both Topaz and : PANTYHOSE!

: I don't know if I should be fascinated or disturbed by how similar your minds work...

Similar to other brains, I'm guessing.

: Yeah, shouldn't you know that as you're a doctor and all?

: That's not what I meant, and stop getting sidetracked Topaz!

Fine fine...

Mind
Personality: I described Kaguya's backstory along with Eirin (sorta) last week, but I'll still go over it. Kaguya was a princess of the moon, but by working together with Eirin she create the Hourai elixir, an immortality potion. This was against the law so she was executed. And executed, and executed. Eventually they caught on to the whole “she's an immortal” thing (though hopefully Kaguya didn't feel pain during these times) and they decided to exile her to Earth. She's since been allowed to return, but refuses as she enjoys spending time on Earth. As far as Kaguya herself, she seems to be carefree but refined at the same time. Her conversation skills are dated, which considering her age isn't that surprising (but it would be cool if she spoke ojou-like). In the Inaba books she's a bit more innocent and naive, which makes her extremely cute. Because Kaguya spent so long in Eientei she's often said to be a hikikomori or NEET who shuns outside interraction, but this isn't true as one of the books says she wants to leave and experience the world. I do like this personality as I can identify with it. She also asks for Eirin's help during her battle, but Kaguya isn't useless as she joins Eirin in HER final battle as well. And of course we can't talk about Kaguya without discussing “Kaguya-hime”, or the Story of the Bamboo-Cutter. In it a bamboo-cutter finds the young infant Kaguya-hime and her interactions with the Emperor (after many failed suitors) and she reveals that her unworldly beauty is because she's from the moon. Though I am cutting it short, the story is very much like Kaguya Houraisan's.
Kaguya has the vague ability to control the eternal and the instantaneous. Both are time-control abilities and are pretty hard to wrap my mind around the exact properties, but Kaguya can keep ancient buildings like new and time stop and other cool things like that. Surprisingly Kaguya has the second-highest amount of Spell Cards, at 41, with the first being Satori at 76 (who copies your partner's spell cards and thus has a lot of different varieties). This isn't counting the Shoot The Bullet spin-offs, though. The reasons Kaguya has so many is that she uses her Impossible Request items (yes, she had them all the whole time, making the requests truly “impossible”) as well as Divine treasures even BEFORE using her true powers of eternity. These include *deep breath* a Jewel from the Dragon's Neck, Buddha's Stone Bowl, Robe of Fire Rat, Swallow's Cowrie Shell, and the Jeweled Branch of Hourai. She adds the Lunar Ilmenite, Red Stone of Aja, Seamless Ceiling of Kinkaku-ji, and something called “Mysterium”. And yes, I imagine that the Jojo reference is intentional considering the first game references ACDC turning one person into a bomb through their blood (though I just know that through research). I'll also add that in Labyrinth of Touhou her ability to completely ignore enemy defenses with multi-target moves and ability to cause a second character to act are both really good. Kaguya may fall short of being one of my favorite Touhou characters, but she's definitely high-ranked.
Grade: A-

Libido: Sadly Kaguya doesn't do as well here either. Much like other Touhou girls there isn't much shown. She is pretty close to Eirin, who serves Kaguya faithfully but sadly not in the femdom sense (or maybe it is too, I can't be sure). There's also the fierce rivalry Kaguya has with another immortal Mokou, though considering they actively send assassins after the other it's a bit less loving than other rivalries. It is a bit of a softer rivalry in certain series, like the Inaba books. There's also technically all the suitors that were after Kaguya, but considering she sends them off on impossible tasks I imagine she was less than excited to be in a relationship with any of them.
Grade: C

: W-WHAT? Me and Mokou, my most hated rival? Being YURI together?! What nonsense!

But that always seems to happen with hated enemies. Plus it's not like either of you are going anywhere anytime soon either.

: Harumph!

*Kaguya pouts cutely.*

: Hey, doesn't she remind you of Ririchiyo when she talks about you?

What do you mean?

: Like when Riri gets angry at you and stuff. She has a similar facial expression.

I don't see it...

: Either way you'd better apologize!

*Meanwhile*

: WAAACHOOO! Hmmm, someone must be talking about me. Good things I hope. And I hope that it's Topa-Er, why am I thinking of him now. I need to stop that, or my arhythmia will act up again.

*Back at Eientei*

: Thanks for the apologies.

You're welcome. I thought that my back was going to give out from bowing so much.

: You need a stronger back. Tell Riri to eat more to make her butt heavier.

Hmmm, great idea. But for now I need to finish up Kaguya's blog.

: Only one more area to go!

Age: Kaguya is ageless, and much like Eirin she's at least 1300 years old. Also like Eirin it's been hinted at that Kaguya is hundreds of millions of years old. Luckily Kaguya doesn't seem as phased by this as her friend is.
Grade: A+

Hmmm, if Kaguya and Eirin are the same age, why is the latter the only one that gets angry at it being mentioned?

: I'm comfortable with my age, and my beauty is timeless as well.

: I get tired of being called a "hag" due to the "Ya" in my last name, like some other characters.

I see then, so you don't have a problem with your age then?

: Not as much as I might have made it seem like last time. But that does NOT excuse people calling me a "hag". That's just cruel.

: Especially for someone who is "Forever 17".

: Exactly-HEY!

Total Grades: 73
Average score: 8.1
Final Grade: B

: Hmmm. That's an interesting score.

Any particular reason?

: Well, I'm around where your favorites score, but is there any reason I'm not one of your top ones?

: Empry is as stubborn as he is lazy. As a result he hasn't changed his favorites from the first game he played.

: But Reisen!

: She's on there for... other, NAUGHTIER reasons...

: I do suppose that she's a useless bunny only good for her sex appeal.

: I HEARD THAT!

*Reisen walks in.*

Hey, weren't you having foot pain last week?

: I did, but I put some Oinkment on it. Eirin's medicine really does wonders.

Don't you mean "ointment".

: No, it's apparently pig-based.

: Enough fooling around here. It's time for you two to go!

: WAIT! Accept this gift for making it to me. Not many people do so.

: Well, you are a final boss...

*Kaguya takes out a bracelet of some sort and straps it to Topaz's wrist.*

Awesome, I got another item!

: You're really making a haul recently.

True. Though I will say that it seems old.

: W-what? It's certainly not something that I've been trying to get rid of for ages...

And it looks like a hunk of junk...

: That just means that it's ancient. Older than old. A real treasure!

And it smells funny.

: What odor? You don't want it because it SMELLS funny? That's the smell of HISTORY!

: It is wise not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

: Besides, it's not like Kaguya smuggled that inside her butt for years trying to get it to you.

If she did, I'd hope that she'd give it to Zettai instead.

: Fufufu. You are always so silly. I'm going to miss you.

: Indeed, it is time to say goodbye. But don't worry, we'll meet again some day.

You mean it?

: Of course. I mean, you have to pay me SOMETIME. But for now...

*Eirin opens a transportation gate.*

: Go back!

*She pushes Topaz through and closes it.*

: Hey! You shouldn't have that power! That's Yukari!

: But it's a simple ninth level spell, and I'm a mage.

: Fair excuse.

: And don't worry. I sent him to go meet with a nurse that appeals to him better. Well, school nurse anyway.

: Sounds like a facesitting good time! I'm so jealous.
Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 3, 2015 8:06 AM | 0 comments