So then, how come…I’m masturbating to it?
Psshhh, I’m lying. Not a single person is spanking their monkey to this censored pile of unfulfilled expectations.
Why the hell are you here, Teacher!? features an ‘average’ high school student, Ichirou Satou, who happens to be the luckiest bastard alive because he always finds himself in scandalous situations with the school floozy (i.e. Kana Kojima). Who, by the way, happens to be his sexy teacher. The story is relatively straightforward. Each episode begins with a monologue from Ichirou (regarding his skepticism in finding Kana in a state of undress), and the awkward/comedic consequences of circumventing that situation.
The situations, themselves, are absurd. Mirroring the randomness and irrationality of a Japanese ENF (Embarrassed Naked Female) video. Which is acceptable, if the intent is to have the viewer spritz their computer screen with high fructose porn syrup. But when censorship runs amok, limp noodles are sure to ensue. In terms of tickling the viewer’s ‘funny bone’ — which was the objective — it came off as uninspired, dull, and unambitious.
The main characters, Kana and Ichirou, are beyond bland. Kana has two emotions: embarrassed and pissed off. And, on rare occasions, both at the same time (actually, it’s not that rare). This may seem like a detriment — which it is — but it’s not as awful as Ichirou’s perpetual awkwardness and dearth personality. Not only are the ‘random’ happenstances contrived, but the gags lack an element of unpredictability. Any comedy worth its weight in salt, disorients the viewer into believing a certain outcome will occur, then pulling the rug at the last moment to deliver the punchline. The issue with a deliberately smutty show, is that the gags follow a predictable pattern (i.e. ’accidental’ stripteases) — smothering any possibility of hilarity.
