Oguri Cap is so cool!!!
Woah!!!
Hahahahha! I'm favoriting her! XD. The anime too ;).
I love her!!! Also might have a crush on her now.
5/23/25
I love Kana ;)
She and her sister Chiaki have fun interactions in Minami-ke XD
Hahahaha! I love these two ;).
And favoriting Coharu Sakuraba for just... I love Minami-ke. So good ;).
Fine fine fine! I'm favoriting Minami-ke and Chiaki too. Man I really love these 2 ;).
I love Minami-ke so much ;).
The directing is so good too. Masahiko Oota huh. Also directed anime like Yuru Yuri, Houkago Teibou Nisshi, and Gabriel Dropout... Yep adding this guy to favorites. :). Legendary director :).
5/22/25
Yuu Sakurano
Found her thanks to a quote from the VN she's in from VNDB. And I'm seeing fun CGs of her and still trying to find someone who's LP'ed this game like ah!!!! ;).
5/20/25
Teppei Houjou from Higurashi Sotsu
Wtf how!?!?!
5/15/25
Nichijou is actually an all-time favorite this whole time... Wow...
Episode 16 is so fun ;).
And done adding everything. Life is so great .
5/9/25
Higurashi VN is a SUPER 10!
IT'S SO GOOD!!!! HOW?!?!?! Btw decided to read Higurashi after reading Raging Loop and wanting more slice of life comedy horror in a rural village. Perhaps that's my favorite VN genre. ;).
Also it's probably my Madoka of VNs, as in perfect writing where every single word, line, dialogue, is important. ;).
Life's great future me ;). Super duper great. I know this VN was a 10 even before reading it hence why I have a screenshot of scoring it a 10 already even before reading ;). Life's super fun ;).
5/8/25
Karakai Jouzou no Takagi-san is a 10
Not even 5% of the first episode has past and you know it's the greatest anime of all time :).
5/3/25
I have a daughter now through the power of writing and a goddess granted me to have a virtual daughter to take care of and now I have the will of a father. I literally had an itch and wanted to scratch but literally stopped myself because "I CAN'T!!! I HAVE A DAUGHTER NOW!!! I MUST BE RESPONSIBLE!!!!"
So yeah. I have my first daughter now. Still currently doing an interview with the goddess and have her assess my intentions, or rather she's making me think about what it means to be a father. :). I have endless motivation now :). If it's for my daughter I'd change myself. :). That's the title and that's a real sentiment :). It'd be weird to have my fictional daughter interact with my future daughters though ahahaha... Oh well. Time to actually change my life and conquer the world and inspire everyone, for I am Sylvester the Legend. :).
4/23/25
Iken Senki Völundio
Kohaku expressions are super fun :). Too bad I didn't get all of them. Only when I started to warm up to this manga. It happens. Like watching an anime and only journaling about it around halfway into the first episode, or even I'm way later episodes. Life's fun :).
Edit:
Yay. Life's fun :).
Oh and btw, my discord pfp is Chiaki from Minami-ke.
And added the manga and Kohaku to my favorites :). Deadpan + Tsukkomi is a fun combo for sure. Other anime that I get reminded of is Gugure something. Ah, Gugure! Kokkuri-san. :). Life's fun :). I think Relife is another example. Angel Beats not really but Kanade is super fun :).
4/22/25
Star Strings yori
Thank you Akihito Tsukushi from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for this inspiring manga and making me cry and appreciating life. ;).
While in the middle of reading, I've been wondering if it was a metaphor for being in a tough journey and having the strength to go on and yes, it was. Even pretty depressing too. Actually thinking about it, the different dolls of Koruru reminded me of myself. Like my journal entries. Even the me right now. Like in the past I also called out crying out to the future me wondering what the point of life was. And even through all that harsh conditions I for some reason was still alive. Even though I was alone, and full of anger. Unable to do anything I wanted. Stuck. Crying internally. All those bad things. ... And now that I'm in a much better place. Still living. And actually appreciating life so much despite going through all those horrible things. It just makes me like... feel so happy to see someone else express through that in a story too. Someone who's experienced the same things I did and being able to inspire others through it. Showing that there really is a melody and that it wasn't fake all along. The melody I was seeking out from future me truly existed even if I didn't experience it yet. Past me knew that things would get better and it did. And that's like... Wow. ;). Life's great. ;). Thanks Akihito Tsukushi again for making Star Strings yori. I'll treasure this manga from the bottom of my heart ;).
Also added to favorites ;).
Edit: Wait I forgot to favorite the creator. And I just found out that they also made MADE IN ABYSS?!?!?!?! OHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Marulk-chan no Nichijou
:o definitely watching this too :). Also it's been a while since I've watched Made in Abyss wow :).
4/22/25
Gokumama ~Gokudou Datta Ore ga Mama ni Natta Hanashi~
Just finished reading 7 chapters and yeah. Being a mother is super super hard. Thank you for making this manga, manga author ;). Life is too precious to waste it... ;-;.
3/21/25
Hug tto! Precure
I read my past journals entries and saw my super fun quotes and [action descriptions] and I wanna continue watching now ;). Thanks past me. Life's great ;). Continuing at episode 25 :D.
3/16/25
Angel Beats!
Just finished re-watching episode 5 just now... And I wanna re-watch the whole show from the beginning again ;). Such a legendary anime. "9" was the score I gave before. But obviously it's a 10 ;). Though yeah I think I already realized that it was a 10 last year.
Also re-watched episode 3 of Akame ga Kill btw so I'm in a grind of like anime I used to watch a long time ago but didn't wanna re-watch so yeah ;). Life's so interesting isn't it? ;).
3/13/25
Girls Band Cry
Just finished episode 7 and yep. It's the best :). 10.
Also seems like another trend is starting :)
And looked at my own notes and Gawoware huh... ;). Life's great. Though yeah still haven't found what I wanna do :). It's annoying but no worries. I conquer the world :D.
3/8/25
Gochiusa Bloom
Just finished it and it's the best ;). Life's super duper Uber nice ;)
Also Rainbow Live was great >:o
3/7/25
Pretty Rhythm: Dear My Future
Just finished the first episode and I love Ageha Mia!!!! ;)
March 5, 2025
Pretty Rhythm: Rainbow Live
I wish you made me loved watching you until the end... ;-;...
March 4, 2025
Added to the list thanks for the recommendation. I remember watching clips from this anime but haven't really checked out the name. Thanks again for the source
It's always fun to try something new, and I decided to do this kind of profile.
And you're right about the Manga, the story was simple but the message really helped you understand about perspective in life. I'm glad you were able to move forward with your life, that's nice to hear.
Thanks! It took me a while to design that one, but I'm glad it turned out great. I also love Star Strings yori, it doesn't need that much of story but it hits well, definitely one of my favourites.
I actually wouldn’t consider myself extroverted at all I do leave comments sometimes, but I always worry people might take them the wrong way or feel bothered by them...
and thanks to your message, I just realized we’re actually watching Shangri-La Frontier at the same time I’m currently on Season 2 Episode 3 It’s such a damn good series, I really shouldn’t have put it off for so long. (Made the same mistake with Sword Art Online – and now I always get mad at myself for only watching it a whole year after I got into anime.)
I don’t really rate or review stuff anymore. I used to on an old account back in early 2023, but I lost access to it, and since then I haven’t really bothered with scores or reviews.
I can definitely see that you like writing a lot (I’m struggling here trying to make sure I answer everything properly 😅). I found out about Onimai through MangaDex, and after Chapter 20 it suddenly said there’d be an anime adaptation. I ended up reading all the way to Chapter 76, which was the latest at the time, and then switched over to the anime.
As for the CGDCT genre I just learned about it yesterday I didn’t even know it was considered a real genre, but it’s honestly perfect for me.
Mahiro being dragged because she's a NEET who doesn't wanna go outside
I remember that scene so well haha XD it was just too good.
Unfortunately, I don’t really remember the exact date I started watching the anime I think it was sometime around mid to late 2023 or maybe early 2024
And yeah, I totally get the whole 10/10 rating thing the manga is actually my absolute favorite.
My favorite manga ranking looks like this:
Onimai: I'm Now Your Sister!
Teasing Master Takagi-san
Karakai Jouzu no (Moto) Takagi-san
Girlfriend Who Absolutely Doesn't Want to Take a Bath
Also love: Frieren: Beyond Journey's End, That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime, I Was Reincarnated as the 7th Prince, I've Been Killing Slimes for 300 Years and Maxed Out My Level, Oniichan Is Done For! Official Anthology Comic, Miss Caretaker of Sunohara-sou
I absolutely love K-On! too I haven’t finished it yet, still missing the last season. Same with Yuru Camp, still need to finish that one as well. I’ve been saying since Season 1 that both of them are easy 9s or even 10s for me.
I did my best, this is way too much to answer rn, if I come back to this I’ll probably edit it later. I'm not a journaling master like you 🙏
I haven't really looked through your stacks as I still have my plant to watch but I will check them when I'm out of anime to watch. As for the character, I know they're from an anime but I don't specifically know what anime it is, I just searched for random memes and what made the most interesting one for me my profile pic.
Oh, I guess I explained it a bit wrong, I mean I follow those who have the same taste (specifically when we have the same favorites) or those with a lot of interest stacks, I followed you for the latter reason. As for me giving So Ra No Wo To! a 7, honestly I can't remember most of it, just bits and pieces, I watched it like three years ago and just guessed what score I will give it. Thanks for your recommendations, appreciate it.
I like going through my friends' friends list, not to be creepy but I'm looking for people who have the same taste as me and have a lot of interest stacks in case I want recs. Enjoy the ride or more like you need to prepare some tissues, Clannad is good but you should look forward to Clannad: After Story.
Hello! Looking over the past letters that I haven’t responded to and the new ones that have come through…yeah, it’s gonna be a monstrous task of Herculean proportions if I wanna go about responding to all of it lol. So, I’ve decided that if I spend at least an hour everyday from now on writing something that responds to bits and pieces of what you say throughout your letters that I’ll eventually catch up…maybe. Yeah, that’s never gonna happen as long as you keep writing lol. But I guess it doesn’t really matter, it’s not really necessary to reply to it all as long as I’ve read it I think. I’ll only talk about what evokes the most thoughts. I should also timestamp everything so you know where it’s from, but I don’t know how to do that through BBCode and I don’t feel like searching up so we’re gonna have to do it like this for now lmao:
On June 21st,
Well I did read some Umineko but most of the day I couldn't feel like reading it. i was busy being dead while watching youtube shorts and stuff. What calmed me down was listening to a bit of To Pimp a Butterfly while I was going to sleep. Lol. Ended on U, which is like... not a song you should really end on but I felt like sleeping so yeah. Hm, yeah, it's the song that like makes me feel... hm, how do I say this, like it's the "most important" song in the album for me. Not in the sense that it defines the whole album, just that it's like... hits me in the feels the most, though it's thanks to the fact that it's the song I can understand the most in the album, lol. But yeah, it feels like a warning for me. Like... what am I gonna do in the future? Feel suicidal for doing nothing? Feel like I've wasted my time feeling empty? Not improving a single thing? XD. But hey, to live is to live.
I get what you mean. I mean, sitting here and thinking about it now…it’s just…yeah. I’ve never heard a jazz song with such a dark atmosphere. It all starts with that screaming in the hotel
“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”
And then we hear these screeching synthesizers overlay it towards the end that almost sound like crickets chirping in the night, and gives the scream this sort of echo effect that really makes it feel that Kendrick is not just the only person in this room but goes further to suggest that he is the only thing in this room. It’s just him and his thoughts, everything else is empty. These crickets fade out as somber piano notes interlude into the introduction of the saxophone, both of them power up in sound and volume as we hear the second scream, this time giving a sense of a powerful darkness soon to overcome. More elements are introduced like the chiming sounds that almost sounds like a xylophone as the third scream ruptures the transitioning melody of the saxophone and then we hear one of my favorite parts of the song (instrumentally speaking): that minor guitar chord. If you isolate that sound and essentially strip it of its context, it sounds just like any basic guitar riff. However, placed within the dark, moody atmosphere that’s set up by everything else, it brings another source of tension into frame. It amps everything up, giving life to the dying piano and contrasting beautifully with all the depressive buildup. Oh my god, I’m starting to tear up and I’m just talking about the first 20 seconds of the song LMAO…but yeah, u is without a doubt one of my favorites on the album too. Probably one of my favorite Kendrick songs in general, and definitely the one that I consider to be his bravest. This song is a real try not to cry challenge lmfao. Musically, lyrically, and even the way he changes his vocal delivery from a pained expression of guilt and sorrow in the first half into just a complete tearful breakdown in the second half as the alcohol starts to kick in and he starts giving into his despair. It’s all so heart-rending that now I feel justified by always getting so angry whenever I see people reduce all of rap to “vulgar lyrics” and “repetitive trap beats”. I mean, even the songs they’re thinking of when they say such things are probably much more creative than they will ever realize. For example, I don’t like Playboi Carti’s music. I think it’s way too much style over substance. However, I can recognize that he’s one of the most monumental influences in the hip hop sound right now and the way he’s pushing cloud rap and trap beats to their creative limits is honestly mind-blowing. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for people like Lil Pump. His music is just garbage, and I really hope that’s not the image that people who hate rap have of it lol.
Here’s an example of Carti’s music, where he literally adds shaking jewelry as an instrument: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwdsnGfrd-k
It’s probably everything you hate about modern music, being about sex, drugs, and whatever the hell “rockstar shit” means. But at the same time, holy shit man the vibe of this song is unmatched. I’ve never heard anything like this before, and I love it when mainstream artists take big risks like this. You can tell that Carti actually cares about making music that he thinks sounds good, even if I don’t think it does lmao. But yeah, even something as overplayed and overdone as trap still has a lot of room for innovation. Just look at Metro Boomin’s discography, for example…: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThRbi74tkLw
What am I even talking about now? Lol, I lost track. Ah yeah, people who misjudge rap. Well, I don’t think they’re very common in the US anymore, now that rap has arguably taken rock’s place as the most popular genre of music. I’m glad that people like Kendrick Lamar and Kanye West are mainstream, but at the same time when people like Drake co-occupy that space…my opinion on Drake is kinda iffy lol. There’s a lot of underground artists that I’d love to talk about too but that’s enough rap talk for now I suppose. How’d I go from talking about something so beautiful and moving, Kendrick Lamar’s u, to Drake? Lmao
Anyways, back to the subject at hand. Yeah, I can see why this song hits so hard for you. It’s sad to say this, but it’s definitely relatable.
So if it's also about me leaving, I'll pretty much say that I did that because I didn't believe in my own impact. I didn't believe that I could help you guys, that's why I left. Like that's it. If you were feeling guilty about that, don't, it's my own decision. That's the conclusion I came into. "Based on the experiences I've had before, and based on how I've been acting, I truly don't believe that I could help out my friends", that was my thought process. That's it, you shouldn't feel guilty if that's what you were feeling. If the others blame you for it then show them this as proof. Like... my mindset was, "If I have to go back, I need to have a positive mindset and help encourage them", but I didn't get a positive mindset, let alone have that encouragement factor, like... yeah... f. Huge f. Huge failure on my part. Like what the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I help my friends out who are suffering? Why am I still being negative? Why after all those positive things I said, like wanting to make a song for the sake of telling my friends that they could do it, they could help themselves, they could get out of their fucked up situations, or at the very least make the best out of it, like... even after experiencing those emotions, and even crying, heck... even I'm crying right now, fuck, but... even when I've expressed the need for doing that... why the fuck haven't I come back? ... ... ... ... ... Hm... why am I still here? Why am I not checking up on them? Am I even a friend? Do I even consider them as friends? Do I really care about them? ... ... ... ... ... ... Hm... hm... Based on my actions... based on how I decided to just focus on anime and visual novels, based on how I don't care about going back to discord anymore, based on how I forgot about them, based on how I never even tried to make such an amazing song... based on how I gave up... based on how I focused more on how I can't do anything, based on how I've been feeling empty... hm... this is not something I want to admit, but I'm a loser who doesn't care... ... ... ... ... Hm... oh, and also need to sleep around this time btw, f. But yeah, I need to stop being a loser. Like... the fuck am I doing? Hm.
I regret not being there to help you. Looking back at it, I should’ve checked in on you and have been more encouraging. I was asking some of the same questions you’re asking now a couple months ago lol. Like whether I consider or care about you. Am I so heartless that I blame someone for a failure that seemed almost inevitable? Well, the history involving you isn’t really what’s been on my mind, but it’s definitely an example of a blemish in my behavior that’s crafted me into the mess that I am today. But lifting yourself out from abject circumstances through sheer willpower seems so unfair to expect of someone. We were upset by the fact that you flaked out on us in order to improve on yourself but ended up not doing much of anything towards making progress, and so it was a group decision to ask whether you wanted to stay a part of the server. But honestly, I think that was fucked up. My intention wasn’t to pressure you to leave, and I’m sure you understood that, but why hadn’t I been more supportive? I think a little bit of support goes a long way. I didn’t even try. That says a lot about me as a person, doesn’t it? I have a lot of growing to do. And like you’ve been saying, fuck the me that thinks that this is who I am as a person, because it has no bearing on whether I’ll continue staying this way. I’ve come to a decision. I am someone who cares deeply about my friends. But, I have to be selective about who I can regard as a friend. They are people that truly care about me, and people that I care about in return.
Yesterday I was talking to someone, but it wasn’t a conversation. It was more so just them ranting about many different stupid things about how sensitive people have become and feminism and all that. People who are so sensitive to sensitive people are the true bitches in this society lmao. I mean really, if these people aren’t bothering you, why do you have an issue with them? It seems like you’re just being an instigator and flaring up conflict where it doesn’t belong because you have nothing better to do with your negativity. Well, I wish I could’ve said something along these lines, but he clearly wasn’t having it. Every time I tried to talk he kept talking over me. It wasn’t a conversation or debate so much as it was a one-sided rant. So frustrating. I don’t think of people like that as my friends. I don’t want to be used as a brainlessly nodding yes-man just because I’m at times shy to interject and I prioritize maintaining a polite discourse. I think true friends are like the people we had on the server. I’ve never been in such a close friend group before, and it’s a shame to see it go and dissipate into this amorphous remnant of what had been something truly special. We still talk to each other. I think we still all see each other as friends. But it’s tough to think about it all. I think I’m still blamed for what happened, and while I don’t think I was wrong to have done what I did, I definitely went about it the wrong way. I reacted emotionally instead of logically, and that was my major pitfall. I assumed that my emotions would be understood. Everything I said still seems clear to me, but it’s whatever. It’s all in the past, and I’ve moved on from it.
From now on, here’s to becoming a better friend and a better person.
Like the reason why I keep on not feeling confident about giving advice is that I'm not exactly sure why you're feeling such emotions. Like from what I can think of, like does it have a matter to do with the server being deleted? Or... ah, I just realized this, but does it have something to do with kinda being unable to keep up with my letters? Is it because I left the server that you felt some sort of responsibility? Like these are some of the few things I can think of for the reasons of your emotions. But I also think of the possibility that these are just slightly related, and that there are more matters that have popped up that had a much more major impact.
It’s a lot more existential than that. There’s a lot of people in my life that I’ve failed and continue to fail, there’s a lot of people in my life that have failed me and continue to fail. Reading about your thoughts on your dad reminded me that I feel the same way towards my parents. It’s a mutual failure, but I can’t help but think that it rests more on the fault of the parent than on the child. Whether that’s a matter of me just thinking in a way that’s more convenient and advantageous for me is irrelevant because it’s something that I find is deeply rooted in strong logic. For most of my life, I’ve felt like a lost child. My parents hardly guided me through anything. They encouraged me to learn English over their native language of Bangla and now I’ve grown up to become someone who can hardly speak the language of my own parents. I mean, this is an incredibly common occurrence in the vast majority of immigrant households I’ve seen, but it’s not right. How can we move on and pretend that this is normal? And how can my parents gaslight me into thinking that I was the only child like this when I was a kid? They chastised me for being only able to speak English yet that’s the way I’ve been taught. They’re completely unsupportive in my efforts to learn Bangla, yet it’s something I’m expected to just know. It makes me so mad just thinking about it. My parents are people who claim to love and support me yet it feels so fake at the same time. How can you shamelessly put so much random pressure on your own child and act dumbfounded and stupefied when they can’t handle it? Or, how can you shamelessly suggest setting up an arranged marriage with some girl I don’t know in Bangladesh WHEN I’VE EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU THAT I HAVE NO INTENTION TO GET MARRIED? Why don’t they even try to understand me? I feel like those edgelords right now, “no one understands me” lol. But I don’t know. I’ve only recently come to terms with how lonely I am. How lonely I’ve always been. I feel trapped in my own mind. I don’t trust anyone. Does someone like me deserve to have friends? The cycle of pain perpetuates itself. I totally get why people in worse situations think the solution is to just become emotionally numb and detached.
Anyways, that’s enough of my stupid venting. I respect that you responded so earnestly. I’m thinking about why what you said made me feel so emotional, and I’ve come to the realization that you’re one of the few people to have ever taken my emotions so seriously. I was used to being ignored so the second that I started getting attention within the past year I think I became a bit of an addict. Talking about my emotions now only feels like an extension of that. It feels like whining about my issues is a pitiful way of prolonging that ray of attention. It’s why I’ve started to restrain myself from using venting chat.
I’m running out of energy to talk, and it’s been way past an hour lol. See ya.
Hey Sylicone. It’s been a while since I last wrote a letter, a couple weeks or so. I think these past few weeks have been some of the lowest for me. Well, my emotions always go in cycles and I assume it’s the same for everyone else, but I don’t remember ever feeling this melancholic and defeated for so long ever before. Am I feeling better? I’m not quite sure. I’ve come to a certain few realizations. My ego is a lot more fragile than I thought it was. I have a lot less willpower than I believed I was capable of. And, finally, I’m kind of a pathetic person. Not so much that I feel meaningless, it’s more like I’ve been feeling that my being here has somehow come to the detriment of everyone and everything else. Well, this last one I know is just an irrational thought. But I don’t know. Everything that once felt certain and near feels so fleeting and far away now. That’s enough about me though.
Your journey through To Pimp A Butterfly made me really happy! I was first exposed to Kendrick Lamar in middle school through his album DAMN. and I was captivated by his ability to express so many complex themes in his lyrics while having some of the best flows, wordplay, and overall amazing sonic quality. It almost feels as if DAMN. has a song for every mood, and it’s one of those albums that’s helped me grow a lot as a person in so many areas of my life. It’s helped me become more in tune with my emotions, it’s helped me become a better thinker, and honestly I think it’s helped me become a better storyteller myself. Around that time I was also listening to good kid, m.A.A.d city but it wouldn’t be until a couple years later that I sat down and took the time to listen through the whole album. And GODDAMN. I thought DAMN. was the best album I heard but good kid immediately became a strong competitor. All of Kendrick’s work is conceptual in nature (i.e., revolving around a strong, central idea or a string of concepts that are structured and linked in an intentional way), but good kid has a stronger focus on telling stories from Kendrick’s past and sending a very clear message: that Kendrick is Compton’s human sacrifice. I’ll leave it to you to explore the album on your own and find out what that means if you ever wish to do that.
Now, the day I discovered To Pimp A Butterfly...the day I discovered this album was another reckoning of its own. TPAB is a lot more similar to good kid than it is to DAMN., which makes sense since it comes right after good kid in his discography and right before DAMN., and now that I think about it I actually listened to DAMN. the year that it came out. Wow, that’s interesting lol. Anyhow, I think you understand what I mean when I say that TPAB is straight up some of the densest and most meaningful work of all time. I think it’s Kendrick’s greatest work, and the word “masterpiece” falls short in every way as a descriptor for it. So, it's finally time to look more closely into your responses…
Hello, been a while since I've made a letter. Tbh, last time when I tried to respond your last letter, it didn't go great. Like I was just not feeling great or something. Then days passed by and I pretty much forgot about it, up until now. Lol. So yeah, time to respond.
Yeah, I don’t feel like it’s proper to respond if you don’t feel like you’re in the right place mentally to do it. And for me, that’s now!...eh, as close as I’ll get to being ready for it lol. I want to write this letter over the course of one session so that I’ll be able to send something to make up for the whole overextended absence. I mean, I kinda disappeared on you lol. Sorry about that.
Ohhhh, yeah, when characters appear in different series it definitely makes you happy.
CLAMP’s oeuvre is infamous for having characters from their previous works making sudden appearances in their manga lol. You know something is CLAMP almost instantly because of their iconic artstyle, but these crossovers really do go above and beyond in making it feel like everything they make exists in its own universe separate from the entire world of manga. And seeing characters from Cardcaptor Sakura and Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle appear in xxxHOLiC was definitely a fun experience. I’m sure that many other authors do crossovers like this, but I think that the vast majority do it in a lot more subtle ways. Another example I can think of concerning crossovers is how Makoto Shinkai occasionally reintroduces old characters in his new work. I’m not sure why I thought of that after mentioning subtle references, because his crossovers aren’t really subtle at all lol.
So regarding the segment of your rap post, I'll just say... :RikkaWow:. Afterall, that's what I typed the first time when I read it. Like... :RikkaWow:. XD. Like that's pretty much all that's needed for me to express what I thought about it. Just like... wow... lol. I will have to admit however, that when I tried listening to Kendrick Lamar's songs, I daze out, I don't understand anything, the things being said are just too different from what I understand, which unfortunately makes me not care. Well, I did watch one video on his album titled "To Pimp a Butterfly" and wow... amazing. But yeah, when it comes to actually listening to it, I can't really understand. So yeah, that's one of the reasons why I felt demoralized in responding to your letter. I just couldn't understand what was being said. Even if I had lyrics on it's just way too different. Hm. Which makes me wonder, if I try to listen again, will I understand? Lol, ofc not but I'll give it a try anyways. If it makes it demoralizeed again, so be it, who cares, life is different for everybody.
Alright, time to listen. And yep, just listening without lyrics, I don't really understand. "Every ***** is a..." what? A sign? Question mark? So... yeah, time for lyrics then. Oh, yep, star. Yeah, I can hear it as a star now. That's the power of lyrics. Sheesh, sucks that I need to pull up lyrics but alas. Ah right, in the video talking about this album, this first song is about how the music industry is basically a girlfriend. hence the "But now I just wanna fuck lte nights thinkin' of you until I get my nut". Yeah, I'll never understand this if it weren't for someone talking about it.
Ah, that’s perfectly fine. You’re already starting at a better place than most people by admitting this lol. In truth, it takes many listens for me until I feel like I truly understand an album, and I have to listen to it in different ways depending on how much I care about dissecting it. For [i]TPAB[i/], all of Kendrick’s albums, and any album I think is amazing in general: my first listen is always without the lyrics. It’s always with the intention of getting a feel for the songs and the album musically and gathering the first impressions based on the bits and pieces I get from throughout the project. Also, going through something by an artist I like is always (well, I should say “usually” since sometimes their work can disappoint lol) a fun experience and I’m not so serious of a person that I sit down and analyze everything before moving on. Basically, the main purpose of the first listen is to just have fun lol. My second listen is with the lyrics in front of me, and there’s no rules for it or anything. If there’s a bar or a line that struck me enough to look more into it then I do further research. My main focus here is to just generally get a better idea of what’s being said. The rest of my listens from then on are either for fun if I enjoy how the album sounds or for deeper analysis. I’m excited to start doing the music blog to get a deeper relationship with this stuff, honestly I might start as soon as tomorrow!
Oh, I do want to say that I liked your approach of trying to understand the general meaning of a song before moving on. It’s just not something that I feel works for me lol. I wouldn’t be able to contain the desire to listen to the next song XD
There we go.
Huh, would have need to learn about Wesley Snipes...? Hm.
Ah, need lyrics to put up, yabe.
6:39 into the video and woah...
And finished the video and... wow... yeah... sheesh. I'll listen to more.
Wesley’s Theory is one hell of a song. That beautiful fusion of funk and jazz serves as the perfect backdrop for the start of this album, where Kendrick goes on to continue weaving pretty much every single genre of music associated with Black culture into one magnificent tapestry. And I’m sure you already understand why he took this approach for the beats lol. To be honest with you, I think this song goes strongly underappreciated and overlooked by the community. It’s far from the best song on the album I think, but that’s only because this album is so replete with amazing songs that I’d say it likely suffers from the subconscious (or very conscious) comparison to the rest of it in the minds of hip hop heads. Well, whatever reason it is, I still think this is one of my favorite intros to an album.
I can’t express enough just how happy and grateful it makes me feel knowing that you went through listening to this album with actual sincerity. I’m still in shock lmao.
Now onto the 2nd song, For Free?.
And finished the video and... wow... yep, gotta learn more. Lol.
Hm, I should probably go through the playlist myself and add my own thoughts to these songs, but that would definitely make this way too long lol. I guess for now I should focus primarily on responding to the first letter and tomorrow I’ll respond to the next and so on.
And back after finishing the 4th episode for Institutionalized. Damn... tbh, I was actually getting tired of hearing the explanations but damn, this is just... wow... bringing his friend to the awards but he's used to the hood and when he sees the money and jewelries around, he just wants to steal them and stuff. Damn... yeah... I'll continue listening onto the 5th episode for These Walls.
Oh wait, is this that song, oh no.
"That sentence so important" Woahhhh, ahhh, the many double meanings, ahhhh. Sentence as in the previous line and also sentence as in prison sentence. Ahhhh. Sheesh, these walls mean a lot of things. Could be a genital, could be a brain, could be the prison walls, damn.
"So when you play this song, rewind the first verse"... no... Fuck...
Yeah... damn...
Now time for episode 5, for U.
Yep, this is gonna be... damn…
All wonderful and powerful songs, though I find it almost impossible for me personally to relisten to These Walls lol. It’s a great song, but it’s one of the weaker ones for me because of the fact that I don’t enjoy relistening to it. But yeah, not every song has to have infinite replayability or anything of course. I think it definitely accomplished what it wanted to do quite effectively.
Now u on the other hand…yeah, I’m at a loss for words to describe it. This is the most vulnerable song in Kendrick’s entire discography. It’s incredibly moving, perhaps one of the best examples I can think of that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that music is an art and that just like any artform, it’s a means of expression. The somber overtones at the beginning, the way the song completely switch ups, the way the sound bounces between your ears during the transition, and so much more. A masterpiece of a song. The pinnacle of musical expression.
Oh, this is the part which you analyzed in your letter XD. Well I'll focus on the explanation first. Lol. But yeah, damn, didn't expect the optimistic feel.
And finished the episode and wow... sheesh. Well, actually, I didn't really understand it tbh, but basically about how even with all the bad things he's done, and the lack of providing solutions to the problems he swore to stop, he's still gonna persist and find those answers rather than break that promise. Sheesh. Now time for the 7th episode, For Sale?.
And finished it and wow. All about Lucy tempting him. But that last showed line of the poem.
Yeah lol. Completely different feel from the last song. It’s almost as if he wants us to move on and forget about everything he expressed in the previous song for a little bit, like when your friend shares something depressing about themselves and brings up a wildly different topic to help the conversation move on. At the same time, the sobering reflection of u is in a way the perfect primer to the bombastic glory anthem that is Alright. And thematically, we notice Kendrick beating himself down over being a failure of a leader in one song and then taking up the mantle again and trying to be a better leader in the next. We see here a perfect example of why I think that TPAB is kind of naive at certain points. The optimism is vibrant and dazzling, and uplifts me whenever I hear it without fail, but this is the point in the album where it really starts feeling like Kendrick is trying to take the role of a savior. He wants to help the Black community lift themselves up with this album. To realize the brutal impact of history and to explore the internal issues that exist within the community. However, as we see in his reflections through his latest work Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers, there is no such thing as a savior. And if there is, it’s not Kendrick. No matter how much he tries, it’s impossible to save the world on your own. Kendrick is ultimately just one piece of the puzzle, and his music, no matter how powerful, meaningful, and motivational it is, is only one step in the right direction.
Changing the world takes a mountain of effort on everyone’s part, and it seems like all artists that try to impart something life-changing with their music like Kendrick Lamar and J. Cole comes to the inevitable realization that they have to prioritize healing themselves over healing the world. In Section. 80, Kendrick takes a look around his world and identifies everything that’s wrong. In good kid, m.A.A.d city, he goes through his past and identifies how all of the evil around him has impacted him as a person and expresses his desire to save his friends from this hell. He also makes a lot of promises in this album. However, in u we find out that he failed one of his promises in good kid, he failed to be there for his people when they most needed it. In To Pimp A Butterfly he shifts his focus onto the Black community and the US as a whole and tries to use his platform to spread a message that makes people think and start working towards solutions. And to an extent, he was successful. Alright became the anthem of the Black Lives Matter movement, and songs like The Blacker The Berry continue to haunt the minds of everyone who heard it. However, in DAMN., he makes another important realization: humans are even more fucked up and lost than he had anticipated. He explores this in an immaculate dissertation of an album that delves into what he personally identifies and the most defining feelings, emotions, and moods in his life and draws distinctive contrasts between these expressions to themselves and the world around him. Funnily enough, DAMN. is the only album of his to receive a Pulitzer Prize even though the popular consensus is that good kid and TPAB are fundamentally deeper albums. But I understand why the Pulitzer committee gave the award to DAMN., it’s a heart-rending project for sure. Finally, his most recent album Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers is essentially him telling us that he’s moved on from his goal of saving the world and that his most important motivation in life at the current moment is saving himself and his family. Well, obviously everything is a lot more complex and nuanced than what I’m suggesting, but the only way to really get through the whole message is listening to it on your own and forming your own thoughts lol. Honestly I’m not even sure whether anything I say about music or media in general is the author’s actual intention, but that’s beautiful in its own way. This is just the meaning I got generally from his albums. Wow, that was a huge tangent lmao. I apologize for rambling.
I think I’ve had enough talk about Kendrick for now lol. Glad to see you going through Katawa Shoujo, and the other visual novels you mentioned seem interesting. I’ve never watched Demi-chan wa Kataritai, so definitely gotta look into that too.
Also, gl to you. No idea how you've been these days tbh, considering that the last time we both typed was like 2 weeks ago so... lol. Anyways, bye.
Thanks. To put it short as I said before, I’ve been kinda awful lol. But things are looking a little bit better at least. See ya tomorrow
I was reading your letter and then got to the part where you reacted to my little blurb on rap and got inspired, so that’s what the theme of today’s letter will be! But first of all…I found something else I wanted to respond to real quick!
But yeah, Iruma Hitoma huh. Yeah, checking out their biography and hm, Adachi to Shimamura huh. I remember watching to watch it back then
The funny thing about my experience with Iruma’s works is that I actually read the light novel for Adachi to Shimamura before I watched Denpa Onna lol. When I was first watching Denpa, I had no idea that they were connected until the astronaut girl popped up. She’s actually in both series, and I think she’s generally just a recurring character he likes to use in his light novels as either some kind of an easter egg or a way to connect them all into the same extended universe. Cool stuff!
Yep, I get what you mean. Well... tbh I forgot which shows have made references that I got but I do remember getting some of them. But yeah, could you like explain more about rap? Like... I've never gotten into it, and I'm wondering about why a lot of people put it up at high regard. Like quadruple meaning? Like damn... creative wordplay... like... sheesh. I mean I've watched Paripi Koumei which had some rap in it though it was in Japanese so I'm not sure if it translated well but all I could get was expression, which made me liked the show's rap. Though I'm wondering about like examples of real rap, with the most respected rappers, and how they manage to... say something... like... tell me more? XD.
Oh boy, rap is a topic I could go on and on about and never run out of things to say lol. I’d say that the vast majority of rappers aren’t very skilled with technical stuff, but those who have mastered it make it such a joy to be a hip hop head. For example, off the top of my head I know there’s a line in “Alright” by Kendrick Lamar that goes something like “No preliminary hearings on my record, I’m a motherfucking gangster in silence for the record” that I thought was really impressive in the context of the song. First, let’s talk about what the line means. “No preliminary hearings on my record”, a preliminary hearing is basically what a court does to see if there’s enough evidence to proceed a real trial on the case and by “record” Kendrick means criminal record, so it seems like he’s saying that his history is clean and he’s never had a hearing, at least in the record books (we’re going to find out that this isn’t actually what he meant soon though). The second part, “I’m a motherfucking gangster in silence for the record” is where this setup is completed, where he’s essentially saying that he’s a gangster who stands up for his gang but staying silent during their trials and not snitching. There’s a long history of gang members being indicted in trials and police coercing confessions and betrayals from certain people in exchange for them getting a lighter sentence, and sometimes we find out about these confessions being false and…well, this is a whole other topic that requires a long discussion on its own lol. But basically, he’s saying he’ll never betray his people when in court…on the surface, that’s what it would seem. Before I start digging into this further, I also want to mention that there’s a really cool additional meaning to the “silence for the record” part. The word “record” can also be used to refer to a “track” or a song, and when he says “silence for the record” the instrumental cuts out and he goes silent for a little bit…I know, really cool right? He really went silent for the record!
Ok, but let’s get to what that line is really talking about. In the context of the song, the lines are “Now tell my momma that I love her, but this what I like, Lord knows/ Twenty of ‘em in my Chevy, tell ‘em all to come and get me/ Reaping everything I sow, so my karma coming heavy/ No preliminary hearings on my record/ I’m a motherfucking gangster in silence for the record” (I’m using the “/” to indicate when a new bar is started, a bar is basically a unit of lyrical measurement in rap that goes in 4 beats). Ok, technically even these lines feel completely out of context and make much more sense with the rest of the verse and the song as a whole…but hey, that’s why all of it is a song and not just a few lines lol. Anyways, in the first line we see that Kendrick is regretful in indulging in sin and knows his Momma would disapprove, but this is the life he lives. I’m not exactly sure what he’s referring to in the next line with “Twenty of ‘em in my Chevy”, but it could be referring to the painkillers he talked about a few lines before in this song that he uses to distract himself from the pain of the world around him as he seeks to find comfort in escaping from it all through drugs, money, and sex. “Tell ‘em all to come and get me” sets up to the first part of the next bar really well where he says “Reaping everything I sow”, he’s actually tying this all in to the “Lord knows” part he mentioned before that I conveniently skipped, almost quoting a famous section of the Bible about how you “reap the seeds you sow” (basically meaning you have to face the consequences of your actions).
So far, we know that Kendrick is apologizing to his mother indirectly by telling us to tell her that he loves her, we know that God is aware of his sins, and we know and that Kendrick is aware that he must face the consequences of his actions (“so my karma coming heavy”)....how does that relate to the next few lines? Well, it’s quite simple actually. The record he’s talking about isn’t actually a real criminal record, it’s a metaphorical one. And when he’s saying “no preliminary hearings”, it’s not because he’s clean of any crime, but because he doesn’t need a preliminary hearing to know that he must be judged guilty and face his karma. Now we have a new meaning for the final part, “I’m a motherfucking gangster in silence for the record”, he’s not saying that he’s a “motherfucking gangster” because he’s cool and badass, he’s actually saying it like it’s a label of shame. He’s just another “motherfucking gangster”, and he’s silent because he won’t defend himself. He’s owning up to what he did. What exactly did he do? Well, listen to more of his music and you’ll find out :) . Did he actually do the things he did? The point of art is that it doesn’t matter if the things he’s talking about are real, it’s still a realistic story that makes you think, right? And that’s what this all is at the end of the day, telling a story in a creative way.
Ok, I feel like I’m not even a quarter of the way through dissecting everything contained within these few lines, but I think I’ve made my point lol. What I presented you is worth only 5 seconds of a song, and rappers like Kendrick Lamar do this for minutes on end sometimes. The beauty of rap isn’t just rhyming or making bold statements, it’s about connecting multiple ideas together in simple phrases, evoking powerful emotions, and continuing on internal themes through your lines. Notice how he uses sound-based words like “hearings” and “silence” too when he’s trying to relate the idea of court, karma, and the music of the song itself. Honestly, this is far from the strongest Kendrick verse, I only chose this because it was easy to talk about for me since I’ve heard this song like a million times lol. But even on this song, there’s a verse that’s much much stronger. I’ll leave you to figure out more if you’re curious.
Oh, and if you doubt that rappers really put this much attention into what they’re saying, I’m just saying there’s a reason why people like Kendrick, J. Cole, and Nas take years to release their projects. The amount of thought that they put into their songs is absolutely ridiculous, but it’s actually similar to how much thought poets put into their stanzas, painters into their brushes, and authors put into their prose. The greatest artists, in my opinion, are those who are able to put this much thought and attention into something and still make it aesthetically beautiful. That’s what real art is. Real art forces you to think, to learn something about the world and yourself. I like rap because I like hip hop beats and I like how rappers flow, but also because it’s my favorite artform. Some rap fans are close-minded though, they only listen to rap. But just know that a lot of artists in pretty much every genre can put this much thought into their stuff too. I’ve been analyzing everything from rock to folk to vocaloid, all of them contain really impressive works of art.
So yeah, even if you never get into rap, just know that this is why (some) people like it. Not everyone thinks about it deeply, but a lot of us pay a lot of attention to what our favorite rappers say because there’s a lot of meaning in their words. It’s no different from reading literature or poetry, because well after all, rap as an artform is something that evolved from poetry lol. Sometimes we interpret things differently from what the author intended, maybe they didn’t actually think about some of the meanings people derive from it. However, I think that’s what makes art really cool at the end of the day. The fact that we can view the same thing and get different interpretations that reflect our own life experiences and state of mind, like with how we viewed Denpa Onna differently lol. ART IS COOL! And everything is art :D
Wow, this was really fun to write lmao. Actually, maybe this is the best way to respond to letters…you tell me how you feel, alright? I will always read everything you say, but I think I’ll prioritize first on responding to the things that I most want to respond to. Anyhow, see ya tomorrow!
Hello, I’m back again. Perhaps this can turn into something of a daily routine lol. I’ll be typing until the second my interest starts waning, so here we go!
Oh, good luck with the guitar. But yeah, I feel the same way whenever I think about making a script for a youtube video. Like I always avoid making a script because it would feel like I wouldn't be able to say anything unlike how many other anitubers are managing to say something funny, or express themselves, or give a nice analysis, and stuff like that. Well... even when I actually made attempts, I actually felt goalless, like... "What am I even supposed to say?" "What am I supposed to talk about?" and end up just doing nothing for an hour, just pondering on how I can't think of anything. Which is really really weird, because I'm used to expressing myself a lot, heck, I'm even doing it right now. Why exactly is making a youtube video script not something I can do? And I guess the answer to that is simply that I don't have anyone in mind to talk to. Like... that's pretty much about it. Like the reason I can type so much in these letters is because I know that you'll read them.
Ah…yeah, well you see about the guitar…apparently it’s something he got as a gift from his aunt, so, even though he doesn’t ever use it, his mom won’t allow him to sell it. Such a shame, seeing something you so badly want just accumulate dust in the corner because the person who owns it has no need for it at all. Well, not much I can do there. I’m gonna need to go out and buy a guitar for myself but that’s certainly gonna cost quite a bit of money. Speaking of which, I’ve been trying to get a part-time job recently so I can have something uplifting to do over the summer. My mom knows someone who works at the local Walgreens (it’s kind of like a big pharmacy conglomerate here in the US, don’t know if it exists elsewhere) and so I’ll be able to get a reference which is nice. Not like I need it to get the job, but perhaps having that connection will allow them to be a bit more open to being flexible with my schedule once college starts, but we’ll have to see what happens.
About the blog, I haven’t started working on that yet either. However, I recently updated my RYM to include as many albums I’ve listened to as possible from the top of my head (still missing quite a number of them though) and I feel motivated to start writing reviews for some of the albums I’ve been listening to lately. RYM is basically the MAL of the music world, it stands for RateYourMusic in case you’ve never heard of it. Beyond that, I plan on starting that blog eventually. I’ve been following a music blog called “Legends Will Never Die” and a podcast called “Dissect” and I’m inspired to try and incorporate their styles of musical analysis to see if I can contribute some meaningful discussion to the sphere. I can talk as much as I’d like to about what I want to do, but I’ve realized that talking about that can get you hyped up but if you aren’t taking the first steps then it’s all just gonna stop at being a dream and never entering the concrete world of reality. Maybe it’s better to just make moves silently and then talk about what I’ve been doing after the fact. Like “Oh, I started doing this btw” rather than “I plan on doing this”, it’s definitely something to think about.
You’re facing similar doubts that I’ve felt about writing scripts lol. The one time that I wrote a script for a video I put so much work and effort into it but it only ended up getting like 4 views…so yeah, it’s probably not that important to focus on the quality of the video at the beginning as it is to focus on the amount of content you produce. For example, if you’re not confident that you’re able to make high-quality scripts that’ll make everybody laugh, then start with something simple that has the goal of making people mildly entertained. You don’t need that high of a vision when starting things because you don’t really know how far you’re going to go with it in the first place, and I think starting with something small is always better than never starting at all due to a fear inculcated by perfectionism.
If the audience thing feels like the one big hurdle, then make sure to promote your vids to your friends and have those people in mind when you make them! Liv recently started streaming on Twitch and has been getting around 10-12 viewers per stream, but most of them are her friends. Still, that’s an incredibly impressive feat. When you’re writing a script, maybe you could pretend like you’re just writing something to the Loners club but presenting it in a different format.
Oh, and one random thing I’d like you to know, although it took me a long time to respond to this, I do actually go and read your posts as soon as I can, and this is probably like my 3rd or 4th time reading that part before responding to it lol…and damn, I had so much to say about it. Maybe it was a good thing I waited so long, who knows…
Though yeah, speaking about diary entries, even when the 2nd MAL Club was a secret, aka, I was the only sole member, I could still type a lot, like... a lot lot, like the rule for each entry there was "Type for at least 2 hours, and if it lasts 4 hours, GREAT!", and that was everyday. Like I forced myself to type everyday. And yes, that's like... you know... that like made me type a lot in a boring way, however, the reason why I could always do it is because there was always the possibility of s spark turning into a barrage of fireworks. Hahahahahaha. Like the reason I managed to type so much is because I believed that I can type happily
I’ve always found it so interesting that you use MAL as essentially your own private blogging platform lol. I wonder how many other people use MAL for such purposes, not that there’s anything wrong with it but it’s just interesting to me. But yeah, I get what you mean here. The thing about forcing yourself to type is that interesting stuff can come out of it, but for me it can feel very frustrating sometimes. I guess no matter the circumstance doing something is always better than doing nothing…though really, typing when you want to type is so much more fulfilling than forcing yourself to. Which is why I feel more comfortable typing responses at my own pace, even though it may feel frustrating for you to wait so long lol. Trust me, I think there’s a lot more substance that comes out of me when I feel amped up to write something versus when I have no energy at all.
That being said, I unfortunately already feel the urge to continue this slipping from my fingers as I type every word. Oh boy, it’s gonna take so long to respond to everything at the rate that I’m going lmao. Anyhow, too-da-loo!
All Comments (40) Comments
And you're right about the Manga, the story was simple but the message really helped you understand about perspective in life. I'm glad you were able to move forward with your life, that's nice to hear.
Thanks for the friend request. I hope we get to talk more <3
Hi! First of all, thanks for the friend request
On June 21st,
I get what you mean. I mean, sitting here and thinking about it now…it’s just…yeah. I’ve never heard a jazz song with such a dark atmosphere. It all starts with that screaming in the hotel
“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”
And then we hear these screeching synthesizers overlay it towards the end that almost sound like crickets chirping in the night, and gives the scream this sort of echo effect that really makes it feel that Kendrick is not just the only person in this room but goes further to suggest that he is the only thing in this room. It’s just him and his thoughts, everything else is empty. These crickets fade out as somber piano notes interlude into the introduction of the saxophone, both of them power up in sound and volume as we hear the second scream, this time giving a sense of a powerful darkness soon to overcome. More elements are introduced like the chiming sounds that almost sounds like a xylophone as the third scream ruptures the transitioning melody of the saxophone and then we hear one of my favorite parts of the song (instrumentally speaking): that minor guitar chord. If you isolate that sound and essentially strip it of its context, it sounds just like any basic guitar riff. However, placed within the dark, moody atmosphere that’s set up by everything else, it brings another source of tension into frame. It amps everything up, giving life to the dying piano and contrasting beautifully with all the depressive buildup. Oh my god, I’m starting to tear up and I’m just talking about the first 20 seconds of the song LMAO…but yeah, u is without a doubt one of my favorites on the album too. Probably one of my favorite Kendrick songs in general, and definitely the one that I consider to be his bravest. This song is a real try not to cry challenge lmfao. Musically, lyrically, and even the way he changes his vocal delivery from a pained expression of guilt and sorrow in the first half into just a complete tearful breakdown in the second half as the alcohol starts to kick in and he starts giving into his despair. It’s all so heart-rending that now I feel justified by always getting so angry whenever I see people reduce all of rap to “vulgar lyrics” and “repetitive trap beats”. I mean, even the songs they’re thinking of when they say such things are probably much more creative than they will ever realize. For example, I don’t like Playboi Carti’s music. I think it’s way too much style over substance. However, I can recognize that he’s one of the most monumental influences in the hip hop sound right now and the way he’s pushing cloud rap and trap beats to their creative limits is honestly mind-blowing. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for people like Lil Pump. His music is just garbage, and I really hope that’s not the image that people who hate rap have of it lol.
Here’s an example of Carti’s music, where he literally adds shaking jewelry as an instrument:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwdsnGfrd-k
It’s probably everything you hate about modern music, being about sex, drugs, and whatever the hell “rockstar shit” means. But at the same time, holy shit man the vibe of this song is unmatched. I’ve never heard anything like this before, and I love it when mainstream artists take big risks like this. You can tell that Carti actually cares about making music that he thinks sounds good, even if I don’t think it does lmao. But yeah, even something as overplayed and overdone as trap still has a lot of room for innovation. Just look at Metro Boomin’s discography, for example…:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThRbi74tkLw
What am I even talking about now? Lol, I lost track. Ah yeah, people who misjudge rap. Well, I don’t think they’re very common in the US anymore, now that rap has arguably taken rock’s place as the most popular genre of music. I’m glad that people like Kendrick Lamar and Kanye West are mainstream, but at the same time when people like Drake co-occupy that space…my opinion on Drake is kinda iffy lol. There’s a lot of underground artists that I’d love to talk about too but that’s enough rap talk for now I suppose. How’d I go from talking about something so beautiful and moving, Kendrick Lamar’s u, to Drake? Lmao
Anyways, back to the subject at hand. Yeah, I can see why this song hits so hard for you. It’s sad to say this, but it’s definitely relatable.
I regret not being there to help you. Looking back at it, I should’ve checked in on you and have been more encouraging. I was asking some of the same questions you’re asking now a couple months ago lol. Like whether I consider or care about you. Am I so heartless that I blame someone for a failure that seemed almost inevitable? Well, the history involving you isn’t really what’s been on my mind, but it’s definitely an example of a blemish in my behavior that’s crafted me into the mess that I am today. But lifting yourself out from abject circumstances through sheer willpower seems so unfair to expect of someone. We were upset by the fact that you flaked out on us in order to improve on yourself but ended up not doing much of anything towards making progress, and so it was a group decision to ask whether you wanted to stay a part of the server. But honestly, I think that was fucked up. My intention wasn’t to pressure you to leave, and I’m sure you understood that, but why hadn’t I been more supportive? I think a little bit of support goes a long way. I didn’t even try. That says a lot about me as a person, doesn’t it? I have a lot of growing to do. And like you’ve been saying, fuck the me that thinks that this is who I am as a person, because it has no bearing on whether I’ll continue staying this way. I’ve come to a decision. I am someone who cares deeply about my friends. But, I have to be selective about who I can regard as a friend. They are people that truly care about me, and people that I care about in return.
Yesterday I was talking to someone, but it wasn’t a conversation. It was more so just them ranting about many different stupid things about how sensitive people have become and feminism and all that. People who are so sensitive to sensitive people are the true bitches in this society lmao. I mean really, if these people aren’t bothering you, why do you have an issue with them? It seems like you’re just being an instigator and flaring up conflict where it doesn’t belong because you have nothing better to do with your negativity. Well, I wish I could’ve said something along these lines, but he clearly wasn’t having it. Every time I tried to talk he kept talking over me. It wasn’t a conversation or debate so much as it was a one-sided rant. So frustrating. I don’t think of people like that as my friends. I don’t want to be used as a brainlessly nodding yes-man just because I’m at times shy to interject and I prioritize maintaining a polite discourse. I think true friends are like the people we had on the server. I’ve never been in such a close friend group before, and it’s a shame to see it go and dissipate into this amorphous remnant of what had been something truly special. We still talk to each other. I think we still all see each other as friends. But it’s tough to think about it all. I think I’m still blamed for what happened, and while I don’t think I was wrong to have done what I did, I definitely went about it the wrong way. I reacted emotionally instead of logically, and that was my major pitfall. I assumed that my emotions would be understood. Everything I said still seems clear to me, but it’s whatever. It’s all in the past, and I’ve moved on from it.
From now on, here’s to becoming a better friend and a better person.
It’s a lot more existential than that. There’s a lot of people in my life that I’ve failed and continue to fail, there’s a lot of people in my life that have failed me and continue to fail. Reading about your thoughts on your dad reminded me that I feel the same way towards my parents. It’s a mutual failure, but I can’t help but think that it rests more on the fault of the parent than on the child. Whether that’s a matter of me just thinking in a way that’s more convenient and advantageous for me is irrelevant because it’s something that I find is deeply rooted in strong logic. For most of my life, I’ve felt like a lost child. My parents hardly guided me through anything. They encouraged me to learn English over their native language of Bangla and now I’ve grown up to become someone who can hardly speak the language of my own parents. I mean, this is an incredibly common occurrence in the vast majority of immigrant households I’ve seen, but it’s not right. How can we move on and pretend that this is normal? And how can my parents gaslight me into thinking that I was the only child like this when I was a kid? They chastised me for being only able to speak English yet that’s the way I’ve been taught. They’re completely unsupportive in my efforts to learn Bangla, yet it’s something I’m expected to just know. It makes me so mad just thinking about it. My parents are people who claim to love and support me yet it feels so fake at the same time. How can you shamelessly put so much random pressure on your own child and act dumbfounded and stupefied when they can’t handle it? Or, how can you shamelessly suggest setting up an arranged marriage with some girl I don’t know in Bangladesh WHEN I’VE EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU THAT I HAVE NO INTENTION TO GET MARRIED? Why don’t they even try to understand me? I feel like those edgelords right now, “no one understands me” lol. But I don’t know. I’ve only recently come to terms with how lonely I am. How lonely I’ve always been. I feel trapped in my own mind. I don’t trust anyone. Does someone like me deserve to have friends? The cycle of pain perpetuates itself. I totally get why people in worse situations think the solution is to just become emotionally numb and detached.
Anyways, that’s enough of my stupid venting. I respect that you responded so earnestly. I’m thinking about why what you said made me feel so emotional, and I’ve come to the realization that you’re one of the few people to have ever taken my emotions so seriously. I was used to being ignored so the second that I started getting attention within the past year I think I became a bit of an addict. Talking about my emotions now only feels like an extension of that. It feels like whining about my issues is a pitiful way of prolonging that ray of attention. It’s why I’ve started to restrain myself from using venting chat.
I’m running out of energy to talk, and it’s been way past an hour lol. See ya.
Your journey through To Pimp A Butterfly made me really happy! I was first exposed to Kendrick Lamar in middle school through his album DAMN. and I was captivated by his ability to express so many complex themes in his lyrics while having some of the best flows, wordplay, and overall amazing sonic quality. It almost feels as if DAMN. has a song for every mood, and it’s one of those albums that’s helped me grow a lot as a person in so many areas of my life. It’s helped me become more in tune with my emotions, it’s helped me become a better thinker, and honestly I think it’s helped me become a better storyteller myself. Around that time I was also listening to good kid, m.A.A.d city but it wouldn’t be until a couple years later that I sat down and took the time to listen through the whole album. And GODDAMN. I thought DAMN. was the best album I heard but good kid immediately became a strong competitor. All of Kendrick’s work is conceptual in nature (i.e., revolving around a strong, central idea or a string of concepts that are structured and linked in an intentional way), but good kid has a stronger focus on telling stories from Kendrick’s past and sending a very clear message: that Kendrick is Compton’s human sacrifice. I’ll leave it to you to explore the album on your own and find out what that means if you ever wish to do that.
Now, the day I discovered To Pimp A Butterfly...the day I discovered this album was another reckoning of its own. TPAB is a lot more similar to good kid than it is to DAMN., which makes sense since it comes right after good kid in his discography and right before DAMN., and now that I think about it I actually listened to DAMN. the year that it came out. Wow, that’s interesting lol. Anyhow, I think you understand what I mean when I say that TPAB is straight up some of the densest and most meaningful work of all time. I think it’s Kendrick’s greatest work, and the word “masterpiece” falls short in every way as a descriptor for it. So, it's finally time to look more closely into your responses…
Yeah, I don’t feel like it’s proper to respond if you don’t feel like you’re in the right place mentally to do it. And for me, that’s now!...eh, as close as I’ll get to being ready for it lol. I want to write this letter over the course of one session so that I’ll be able to send something to make up for the whole overextended absence. I mean, I kinda disappeared on you lol. Sorry about that.
CLAMP’s oeuvre is infamous for having characters from their previous works making sudden appearances in their manga lol. You know something is CLAMP almost instantly because of their iconic artstyle, but these crossovers really do go above and beyond in making it feel like everything they make exists in its own universe separate from the entire world of manga. And seeing characters from Cardcaptor Sakura and Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle appear in xxxHOLiC was definitely a fun experience. I’m sure that many other authors do crossovers like this, but I think that the vast majority do it in a lot more subtle ways. Another example I can think of concerning crossovers is how Makoto Shinkai occasionally reintroduces old characters in his new work. I’m not sure why I thought of that after mentioning subtle references, because his crossovers aren’t really subtle at all lol.
Alright, time to listen. And yep, just listening without lyrics, I don't really understand. "Every ***** is a..." what? A sign? Question mark? So... yeah, time for lyrics then. Oh, yep, star. Yeah, I can hear it as a star now. That's the power of lyrics. Sheesh, sucks that I need to pull up lyrics but alas. Ah right, in the video talking about this album, this first song is about how the music industry is basically a girlfriend. hence the "But now I just wanna fuck lte nights thinkin' of you until I get my nut". Yeah, I'll never understand this if it weren't for someone talking about it.
Ah, that’s perfectly fine. You’re already starting at a better place than most people by admitting this lol. In truth, it takes many listens for me until I feel like I truly understand an album, and I have to listen to it in different ways depending on how much I care about dissecting it. For [i]TPAB[i/], all of Kendrick’s albums, and any album I think is amazing in general: my first listen is always without the lyrics. It’s always with the intention of getting a feel for the songs and the album musically and gathering the first impressions based on the bits and pieces I get from throughout the project. Also, going through something by an artist I like is always (well, I should say “usually” since sometimes their work can disappoint lol) a fun experience and I’m not so serious of a person that I sit down and analyze everything before moving on. Basically, the main purpose of the first listen is to just have fun lol. My second listen is with the lyrics in front of me, and there’s no rules for it or anything. If there’s a bar or a line that struck me enough to look more into it then I do further research. My main focus here is to just generally get a better idea of what’s being said. The rest of my listens from then on are either for fun if I enjoy how the album sounds or for deeper analysis. I’m excited to start doing the music blog to get a deeper relationship with this stuff, honestly I might start as soon as tomorrow!
Oh, I do want to say that I liked your approach of trying to understand the general meaning of a song before moving on. It’s just not something that I feel works for me lol. I wouldn’t be able to contain the desire to listen to the next song XD
There we go.
Huh, would have need to learn about Wesley Snipes...? Hm.
Ah, need lyrics to put up, yabe.
6:39 into the video and woah...
And finished the video and... wow... yeah... sheesh. I'll listen to more.
Wesley’s Theory is one hell of a song. That beautiful fusion of funk and jazz serves as the perfect backdrop for the start of this album, where Kendrick goes on to continue weaving pretty much every single genre of music associated with Black culture into one magnificent tapestry. And I’m sure you already understand why he took this approach for the beats lol. To be honest with you, I think this song goes strongly underappreciated and overlooked by the community. It’s far from the best song on the album I think, but that’s only because this album is so replete with amazing songs that I’d say it likely suffers from the subconscious (or very conscious) comparison to the rest of it in the minds of hip hop heads. Well, whatever reason it is, I still think this is one of my favorite intros to an album.
I can’t express enough just how happy and grateful it makes me feel knowing that you went through listening to this album with actual sincerity. I’m still in shock lmao.
Now onto the 2nd song, For Free?.
And finished the video and... wow... yep, gotta learn more. Lol.
Hm, I should probably go through the playlist myself and add my own thoughts to these songs, but that would definitely make this way too long lol. I guess for now I should focus primarily on responding to the first letter and tomorrow I’ll respond to the next and so on.
And back after finishing the 4th episode for Institutionalized. Damn... tbh, I was actually getting tired of hearing the explanations but damn, this is just... wow... bringing his friend to the awards but he's used to the hood and when he sees the money and jewelries around, he just wants to steal them and stuff. Damn... yeah... I'll continue listening onto the 5th episode for These Walls.
Oh wait, is this that song, oh no.
"That sentence so important" Woahhhh, ahhh, the many double meanings, ahhhh. Sentence as in the previous line and also sentence as in prison sentence. Ahhhh. Sheesh, these walls mean a lot of things. Could be a genital, could be a brain, could be the prison walls, damn.
"So when you play this song, rewind the first verse"... no... Fuck...
Yeah... damn...
Now time for episode 5, for U.
Yep, this is gonna be... damn…
All wonderful and powerful songs, though I find it almost impossible for me personally to relisten to These Walls lol. It’s a great song, but it’s one of the weaker ones for me because of the fact that I don’t enjoy relistening to it. But yeah, not every song has to have infinite replayability or anything of course. I think it definitely accomplished what it wanted to do quite effectively.
Now u on the other hand…yeah, I’m at a loss for words to describe it. This is the most vulnerable song in Kendrick’s entire discography. It’s incredibly moving, perhaps one of the best examples I can think of that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that music is an art and that just like any artform, it’s a means of expression. The somber overtones at the beginning, the way the song completely switch ups, the way the sound bounces between your ears during the transition, and so much more. A masterpiece of a song. The pinnacle of musical expression.
Oh, this is the part which you analyzed in your letter XD. Well I'll focus on the explanation first. Lol. But yeah, damn, didn't expect the optimistic feel.
And finished the episode and wow... sheesh. Well, actually, I didn't really understand it tbh, but basically about how even with all the bad things he's done, and the lack of providing solutions to the problems he swore to stop, he's still gonna persist and find those answers rather than break that promise. Sheesh. Now time for the 7th episode, For Sale?.
And finished it and wow. All about Lucy tempting him. But that last showed line of the poem.
Yeah lol. Completely different feel from the last song. It’s almost as if he wants us to move on and forget about everything he expressed in the previous song for a little bit, like when your friend shares something depressing about themselves and brings up a wildly different topic to help the conversation move on. At the same time, the sobering reflection of u is in a way the perfect primer to the bombastic glory anthem that is Alright. And thematically, we notice Kendrick beating himself down over being a failure of a leader in one song and then taking up the mantle again and trying to be a better leader in the next. We see here a perfect example of why I think that TPAB is kind of naive at certain points. The optimism is vibrant and dazzling, and uplifts me whenever I hear it without fail, but this is the point in the album where it really starts feeling like Kendrick is trying to take the role of a savior. He wants to help the Black community lift themselves up with this album. To realize the brutal impact of history and to explore the internal issues that exist within the community. However, as we see in his reflections through his latest work Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers, there is no such thing as a savior. And if there is, it’s not Kendrick. No matter how much he tries, it’s impossible to save the world on your own. Kendrick is ultimately just one piece of the puzzle, and his music, no matter how powerful, meaningful, and motivational it is, is only one step in the right direction.
Changing the world takes a mountain of effort on everyone’s part, and it seems like all artists that try to impart something life-changing with their music like Kendrick Lamar and J. Cole comes to the inevitable realization that they have to prioritize healing themselves over healing the world. In Section. 80, Kendrick takes a look around his world and identifies everything that’s wrong. In good kid, m.A.A.d city, he goes through his past and identifies how all of the evil around him has impacted him as a person and expresses his desire to save his friends from this hell. He also makes a lot of promises in this album. However, in u we find out that he failed one of his promises in good kid, he failed to be there for his people when they most needed it. In To Pimp A Butterfly he shifts his focus onto the Black community and the US as a whole and tries to use his platform to spread a message that makes people think and start working towards solutions. And to an extent, he was successful. Alright became the anthem of the Black Lives Matter movement, and songs like The Blacker The Berry continue to haunt the minds of everyone who heard it. However, in DAMN., he makes another important realization: humans are even more fucked up and lost than he had anticipated. He explores this in an immaculate dissertation of an album that delves into what he personally identifies and the most defining feelings, emotions, and moods in his life and draws distinctive contrasts between these expressions to themselves and the world around him. Funnily enough, DAMN. is the only album of his to receive a Pulitzer Prize even though the popular consensus is that good kid and TPAB are fundamentally deeper albums. But I understand why the Pulitzer committee gave the award to DAMN., it’s a heart-rending project for sure. Finally, his most recent album Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers is essentially him telling us that he’s moved on from his goal of saving the world and that his most important motivation in life at the current moment is saving himself and his family. Well, obviously everything is a lot more complex and nuanced than what I’m suggesting, but the only way to really get through the whole message is listening to it on your own and forming your own thoughts lol. Honestly I’m not even sure whether anything I say about music or media in general is the author’s actual intention, but that’s beautiful in its own way. This is just the meaning I got generally from his albums. Wow, that was a huge tangent lmao. I apologize for rambling.
I think I’ve had enough talk about Kendrick for now lol. Glad to see you going through Katawa Shoujo, and the other visual novels you mentioned seem interesting. I’ve never watched Demi-chan wa Kataritai, so definitely gotta look into that too.
Thanks. To put it short as I said before, I’ve been kinda awful lol. But things are looking a little bit better at least. See ya tomorrow