Sex before marriage?
| Now as a Christian, I was always taught to save sex till after marriage.Recently though I watched a video, in which the person said that most people will insist on having sex before marrying someone. His reasoning is very valid: If your going to marry someone you want to make sure you feel that spark with them when having sex. If you marry someone before having sex and you don't fee; a spark during sex, your relationship will fall apart/ be miserable. What do you guys think?Where do you stand in this debate? I think I'd try to wait till after marriage, just to honor my religion. However if my partner insists we need to havesex before marriage, and we're in a deep, loving intimate relationship / have that kind of bond, then I will agree to it, I just want to make sure I give my virginity to someone very precious to me |
"Fuck this shit, fun things are fun!" |
| ye i think sex is something that should be natural when you're deep into a relationship and marriage is something that comes even further ahead. |
| Uuuh.. I don't really care, if I love my partner so much I'd assume I want to have more. If you're bound to stay together sex wouln't be much of an issue to me. My mother is also a Christian and strongly suggests sex after marriage. Marriage is just optional to me, of course i'd be nice to marry for some people. I wouldn't refuse if I loved my partner that much. |
 Steam: Zeemanhuismerk |
| Personally I'd be fine with having sex with somebody before marriage so long as Im in a loving relationship with them. Love is move important to marriage. |
 I love Christine "If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness." - Henry David Thoreau |
| u gotta know if they got a micropenis b4 that |
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| I wouldn't even feel comfortable marrying someone I haven't had sex with before to be honest. You wouldn't ask for sex before even kissing the person, to me marriage is the same. Marriage should basically be the furthest step you take your relationship, so it should be proceeded by everything else. You should only get married after you've spent enough time together with someone and are sure that every aspect of your relationship is healthy. I'd rather not have to go through divorce(s) because of something like that. If it's someones belief not to, I'd respect it, but I also probably wouldn't end up marrying that person. |
| Plus, the sex you're speaking off is a part of "loving" and VERY important, by the time you're married you're still going to be clueless to get to know your partner his/her fetishes, just imagine you being complete grossed out. Now that's going to be a fast divorce. |
Steam: Zeemanhuismerk |
| Well I doubt id wind up liking someone that much who is a no sex before marriage type but I see no reason to push it either. I would prefer to have had sex with them before Ive tried to marry them just for the sake of being more sure how I feel. |
| Marriage isn't even something I'd consider personally, so my answer to this is no. I'd just want the relationship to be "serious", and nothing more. |
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| That's the trend, in Japan women are paying to have their virginity taken before marriage http://en.rocketnews24.com/2015/05/14/loss-of-virginity-services-for-women-are-a-thing-in-japan-now-apparently/ |
| i would get married for the express purpose of having sex c: |
| I CELEBRATE myself, And what I assume you shall assume, For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. |
| I'm still single but i wouldn't go for just a fling just because I can. Either I'll find the right person to be with and devote everything to them or just not have sex at all. There's alot of guys who go out there and will say anything just to get to have sex with a girl but I never could or will understand that mindset. Being in a relationship is worth so much more then just sex. Got someone to do things with and share moments with and your gonna spend most of your time trying to get into bed with her. Maybe I'm weird but don't really care if you think i'm "old fashioned" |
| It's up to the couple, it should't be decided by some stupid book or teachings. Talk it out with each other. |
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Cottonrabbit said: I would dump a guy very quickly who felt he needed to "test" our sexual compatibility before making any commitment to me. That is a very manipulative and jerk thing to do. If you can't feel the physical chemistry without having sex, there isn't any and good sex is learnt. Having said that though, if you are in a loving, wonderful relationship, it is natural to be deeply physically attracted to them and want to be with them on all levels. I would encourage waiting for the right person and not to rush into the sex but I also find marriage to be a very arbitrary start date. I think it would put a lot of pressure on the event than if the step was taken more naturally. very good point rabbit |
| I would only date someone that abstains until marriage if they're really interesting. This is because I wouldn't marry someone in a short period of being with them, so I wouldn't want to wait long as fuck |
Cottonrabbit said: I would dump a guy very quickly who felt he needed to "test" our sexual compatibility before making any commitment to me. That is a very manipulative and jerk thing to do. If you can't feel the physical chemistry without having sex, there isn't any and good sex is learnt. Having said that though, if you are in a loving, wonderful relationship, it is natural to be deeply physically attracted to them and want to be with them on all levels. I would encourage waiting for the right person and not to rush into the sex but I also find marriage to be a very arbitrary start date. I think it would put a lot of pressure on the event than if the step was taken more naturally. I don't think there's anything wrong with not placing importance on sex in a relationship but I think it's misguided to say that for a long term relationship it's unimportant to explore your sexual compatibility with someone. To begin with it's normal for both sides to like and enjoy sex, it isn't a "jerk" thing to not want to wait until marriage, considering marriage is something that usually comes at least a year into a relationship (and hopefully much longer than that). The other person might also interpret you putting it off with excuses as you being unsure about the relationship or unattracted to them or it might seem like you're not interested in sex at all. If two people mutually agree they're willing to wait or that they even prefer to put sex off until marriage, I don't see a problem with that because it's their business, but I think putting a selfish or manipulative spin on not wanting to wait is a bit closed minded and naive. |
| I want to make sure me and my partner are sexually compatible. Sex is important to me and I want a partner who's adventurous. I don't want to discover after the marriage that our sex won't work. |
| WEAPONS - My blog, for reviews of music, anime, books, and other things |
| I wouldn't even stay in a relationship for more than a few months with no sex. It is a right that partners should have when committed to each other once comfortable enough and if she isn't comfortable enough after a few months, she is not the right girl for me. |
Cottonrabbit said: Have you ever had sex?Thalos said: I don't think there's anything wrong with not placing importance on sex in a relationship but I think it's misguided to say that for a long term relationship it's unimportant to explore your sexual compatibility with someone. To begin with it's normal for both sides to like and enjoy sex, it isn't a "jerk" thing to not want to wait until marriage, considering marriage is something that usually comes at least a year into a relationship (and hopefully much longer than that). The other person might also interpret you putting it off with excuses as you being unsure about the relationship or unattracted to them or it might seem like you're not interested in sex at all. If two people mutually agree they're willing to wait or that they even prefer to put sex off until marriage, I don't see a problem with that because it's their business, but I think putting a selfish or manipulative spin on not wanting to wait is a bit closed minded and naive. I don't think it is healthy to expect your partner to pass "tests". You are either committed to the relationship and the sex is an extension of that love or you are still making up your mind about them. It is not fair to your partner if you are not honest that you are still deciding and using sex as a deciding factor. I suppose I would give you points for honesty if you were open about it but personally I would not hang around to be tested on my performance. Sex does not change anything in the long term; you won't love me more as a person, it won't fix any relationship problems or make me more exciting or desirable in your eyes. If anything, great sex is just a short term distraction from facing that we are not really suited. I think you are relying too much on the act to tell you about the person. If your partner is generous and cares about your happiness outside the bedroom, that willingness to please you is most likely going to carry over to sex. The skills and creativity that makes for great sex are learnt. Lots of people don't actually discuss what they want and what works for them in bed but then wonder why the sex isn't great. With regards to timing, it is only my opinion that is better not to rush but let it happen as a natural progression in the relationship rather than waiting for the wedding night but each to their own. |
Cottonrabbit said: I don't think it is healthy to expect your partner to pass "tests". You are either committed to the relationship and the sex is an extension of that love or you are still making up your mind about them. It is not fair to your partner if you are not honest that you are still deciding and using sex as a deciding factor. I suppose I would give you points for honesty if you were open about it but personally I would not hang around to be tested on my performance. Sex does not change anything in the long term; you won't love me more as a person, it won't fix any relationship problems or make me more exciting or desirable in your eyes. If anything, great sex is just a short term distraction from facing that we are not really suited. I think you are relying too much on the act to tell you about the person. If your partner is generous and cares about your happiness outside the bedroom, that willingness to please you is most likely going to carry over to sex. The skills and creativity that makes for great sex are learnt. Lots of people don't actually discuss what they want and what works for them in bed but then wonder why the sex isn't great. With regards to timing in the relationship, it is only my opinion that is better to happen not to rush but happen as a natural progression in the relationship rather than waiting for the wedding night but each to their own. Is performance necessarily the issue here? I don't think many people here are even thinking about how "good" someone is in bed but whether or not there's passion there, whether the other person is comfortable in bed with you, whether you have similar tastes and fetishes etc. Keep in mind that some people have fetishes to the point that it's hard for them to be satisfied outside of those fetishes, where as other people would simply feel hurt/ashamed if their tastes or fetishes weren't accepted. If all you're looking for is the same old vanilla sex every now and then and your partner only wants the same, maybe you're both fine waiting and your feelings will be enough, or maybe you find out the other person has some intense anxiety or deep seated fear of intimacy or something like that. With such an intimate, personal act, it's better to explore it with each other before marriage rather than after, all the more reason if you trust and love each other deeply and want to make sure things work out. Sex is a pretty awkward thing and not many people just jump into it comfortably... even if they think that it's something they're comfortable with. Especially if it happens to be their first time ever because they were waiting for marriage. |
Thalos said: You can be "bad" at sex. The male always has to put in more effort so the female can actually orgasm and get turned on because it's physically harder for the female to get turned on.Is performance necessarily the issue here? I don't think many people here are even thinking about how "good" someone is in bed but whether or not there's passion there, whether the other person is comfortable in bed with you, whether you have similar tastes and fetishes etc. |
| It is required I believe. This isn't the 19th century when people got married barely knowing you and then had a shitty married life afterwards. |
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| Most marriages break up because of sex life. To answer your question: yes, you do have to. |
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| Sex is a fundamental necessity to a lasting marriage. |
LionCake said: Well, not necessarily. Some couples can lose all the romance but stay together because of their kids.Sex is a fundamental necessity to a lasting marriage. |
Cottonrabbit said: I'm guessing you've never experienced bad sex, then. Because it exists.Yes? |
mayukachan said: I don't think this type of parenhood have a positive impact on children.LionCake said: Well, not necessarily. Some couples can lose all the romance but stay together because of their kids.Sex is a fundamental necessity to a lasting marriage. |
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mayukachan said: You can be "bad" at sex. The male always has to put in more effort so the female can actually orgasm and get turned on because it's physically harder for the female to get turned on. That's true but what I'm saying is I don't think most people here are as concerned about the persons performance as much as they are having compatible tastes and being comfortable with each other in bed. Performance is also something much easier to fix/work on, especially if you both want to make the other person happy. If someone isn't into the same things as you, that's a more difficult issue. If I date someone and they aren't that great in bed but they're clearly trying to make me happy, especially if I'm their first time, I'm not going to up and leave them over it. Some people might, but I think at least in that area, there's some patience/understanding if the relationship is a loving one. If things don't improve, or the person is seemingly not even concerned with it, it might be time to find a new relationship but in the latter case I would question how loving the relationship really is. |
ExTamplier said: I think in some circumstances, it can. It's better than a divorce unless the parents fight a lot. Not everyone needs a sex/romance life to be happy in a family. I can't live like that, though.mayukachan said: I don't think this type of parenhood have a positive impact on children.Well, not necessarily. Some couples can lose all the romance but stay together because of their kids. |
mayukachan said: What can you know, you are only 18.I can't live like that, though. |
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mayukachan said: Maybe a better word than a lasting marriage would be a "healthy marriage".ExTamplier said: I think in some circumstances, it can. It's better than a divorce unless the parents fight a lot. Not everyone needs a sex/romance life to be happy in a family. I can't live like that, though.I don't think this type of parenhood have a positive impact on children. |
ExTamplier said: I can't live without romance/sex in a marriage. I know that already. That's one of the things I value the most in a relationship anyway.mayukachan said: What do you know, you are only 18.I can't live like that, though. LionCake said: It depends on their values. They see it as healthy.mayukachan said: Maybe a better word than a lasting marriage would be a "healthy marriage".I think in some circumstances, it can. It's better than a divorce unless the parents fight a lot. Not everyone needs a sex/romance life to be happy in a family. I can't live like that, though. |
mayukachan said: #teenagestruggleExTamplier said: I can't live without romance/sex in a marriage. I know that already. That's one of the things I value the most in a relationship anyway.What do you know, you are only 18. |
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LionCake said: I'm not, I'm saying others can find it healthy. A sexless/romanceless marriage that focuses on their family. That's fine.Now it feels like you are backpedaling to avoid outright admitting you are wrong or that you have misjudged this topic. ExTamplier said: Stop mocking me because I'm still "young".mayukachan said: #teenagestruggleI can't live without romance/sex in a marriage. I know that already. That's one of the things I value the most in a relationship anyway. I'm guess everything I say doesn't deserve recognition because I lack "experience" in the real world. |
mayukachan said: LionCake said: It depends on their values. They see it as healthy.Maybe a better word than a lasting marriage would be a "healthy marriage". Now it feels like you are backpedaling to avoid outright admitting you are wrong or that you have misjudged this topic. |
mayukachan said: To me personally yes (regarding parenthood and marriage). I don't take words about parenthood seriously unless I see that they are out of college with a steady job.ExTamplier said: Stop mocking me because I'm still "young".#teenagestruggle I'm guess everything I say doesn't deserve recognition because I lack "experience" in the real world. |
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Cottonrabbit said: What if some people are too shy to do things for their partner? What if they share different kinks? Like how some people won't do oral, or anal.mayukachan said: I'm guessing you've never experienced bad sex, then. Because it exists. I can't say I have ever had truly bad sex however it definitely much better from when I started. If you don't tell your partner what you like and how to please you, how they supposed to know what they are doing wrong? If you fake pleasure instead of talking to them, they won't even know. It might be embarrassing sometimes but telling your partner what you did and didn't like, sharing fantasies and what you want to try is really important. |
ExTamplier said: mayukachan said: To me personally yes (regarding parenthood and marriage). I don't take words about parenthood seriously unless I see that they are out of college with a steady job.Stop mocking me because I'm still "young". I'm guess everything I say doesn't deserve recognition because I lack "experience" in the real world. >1994 You're two years older than me, wut. I've been thinking about parenthood since I was in elementary school. I think I'm certain on how I see myself in the future. |
mayukachan said: Honesty and confidence with your partner is also a necessity.Cottonrabbit said: What if some people are too shy to do things for their partner? What if they share different kinks? Like how some people won't do oral, or anal.I can't say I have ever had truly bad sex however it definitely much better from when I started. If you don't tell your partner what you like and how to please you, how they supposed to know what they are doing wrong? If you fake pleasure instead of talking to them, they won't even know. It might be embarrassing sometimes but telling your partner what you did and didn't like, sharing fantasies and what you want to try is really important. |
LionCake said: Unfortunately, not every couple will have this.mayukachan said: Honesty and confidence with your partner is also a necessity.What if some people are too shy to do things for their partner? What if they share different kinks? Like how some people won't do oral, or anal. |
mayukachan said: Would you be 2 years older than me, my opinion would not change until you meet the requirements. >1994 You're two years older than me, wut. I've been thinking about parenthood since I was in elementary school. I think I'm certain on how I see myself in the future. |
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