| Usually don’t get into heated discussions with the idea of backing out. However, if it wasn’t instigated by me and I had to de-escalate the situation I would just admit that the opposers view is correct and say I’m done with the conversation. |
| If you're referring to online arguments, I just stop replying once I feel the person isn't worth replying to. For real life, staying calm. Generally I'm not afraid of escalating things, if someone is being an asshole to me I'll give them a befitting reply. |
<Something> |
| i don't know, i'd consider a de-escalation of an argument some sort of admission of defeat. unless it's just become a shit flinging battle i figured the point of escalation is the best part of an argument? i don't really argue with people much online though, and i don't tend to get into arguments unless i'm very confident i'll win. if someone's getting angry or personal with me i'm not gonna care. it's usually because you're right and they know it. or it's because they're just an angry person, or they're frustrated at their own retardation. the internet is MUCH more enjoyable if you can not give a fuck with people being angry or saying mean things to you |
feelingofgaze said: i don't know, i'd consider a de-escalation of an argument some sort of admission of defeat. unless it's just become a shit flinging battle i figured the point of escalation is the best part of an argument? i don't really argue with people much online though, and i don't tend to get into arguments unless i'm very confident i'll win. if someone's getting angry or personal with me i'm not gonna care. it's usually because you're right and they know it. or it's because they're just an angry person, or they're frustrated at their own retardation. the internet is MUCH more enjoyable if you can not give a fuck with people being angry or saying mean things to you I don't quite agree. Often when an argument is heated there is a level of improper or faulty communication happening between the two parties. Having an argument is not about winning at all, it should be about convincing the other person about your point of view. The moment an argument gets heated neither person will admit the other person is right or has a point often, so there is no winning, only losing. All you can really do is detect the signs of such a situation yourself, de-escalate it, walk away and maybe try again using a different approach once everything is calmed down. That is in no way losing, I think it shows maturity. I get what you mean with shitslinging, but I feel this mindset of "winning or losing" is way too common and unhealthy. |
| If I'm in a heated argument then it's unlikely I'll want to de-escalate. As long as I don't genuinely like the person I'm disagreeing with, arguments are fun even if it turns vicious. |
| No |
| Normally only have heated arguments with siblings, rarely have it with friends or anything but if I did I would probably try to deescalate it. |
| Ah on the contrary I try my best to further escalate things. |
  “The most shameless thing in the world is political power that can be inherited regardless of ability or talent!” |
deg said: lol some of the replies here do not learn from Naruto on how to to do talk no jutsu to break the cycle of hatred (ending vicious cycle) but ye sometimes i succumb to that vicious cycle of hate too No, don't mention Naruto deg... You've awakened the weeb power that I tried to suppress. Btw, aren't they escape the cycle of hatred by sharing a common enemy? |
| "You misunderstood from the very beginning. You just believed what you wanted to believe." Rei Ayanami |
vuxk said: deg said: lol some of the replies here do not learn from Naruto on how to to do talk no jutsu to break the cycle of hatred (ending vicious cycle) but ye sometimes i succumb to that vicious cycle of hate too No, don't mention Naruto deg... You've awakened the weeb power that I tried to suppress. Btw, aren't they escape the cycle of hatred by sharing a common enemy? i do not remember much anymore lol but yep common enemy, common goal, common ground those are some of the common things to unite people |
| i honestly rarely get into arguments, so it's hard for me to say if there is conflict, i usually try to explain my side with clarity and calmness, which usually gets met with... clarity and calmness, hueh honestly the only intense arguments i've had recently (as in, within the past 7 years) that i can think of are all with one person that i've cut out of my life now, because of said arguments |
 now i will tell you what ive done for you fifty thousand tears ive cried maybe ill wake up for once screaming deceiving and bleeding for you and you still wont hear me going under dont want your hand this time ill save myself just when id thought id reached the bottom im dying again |
deg said: OfDeathandLove said: if there is conflict, i usually try to explain my side with clarity and calmness, which usually gets met with... clarity and calmness, hueh yep as if the golden rule (of thumb) and its link to mirror neurons work it really does help with the conflict side, but it's also tougher in that you actually have to step away and process your emotions a bit. my process is "i am angry!" has to turn into one of the three emotions that manifest in anger (paraphrasing from dr. phil): hurt, fear, or frustration. say i pinpoint it's hurt. why am i hurt? because i had some expectations that weren't met, what were those expectations and how weren't they met? once i figure that out, i can say to that person "i'm hurt because i hoped you would do x but you did y instead" which is much better than "you piece of shit" and even beyond that, sometimes the answer isn't even something the other person did that needs to be communicated/worked through, it might be that i'm hungry, tired, hormonal, or something like that. in which case i need to fix those problems instead of getting upset at the other person. great for keeping good relationships and avoiding conflict, but it is more involved than just going with one's first reaction. (that being said, obvs i'm not perfect, i have gone with my first reaction sometimes... which i'm not proud of, though i have apologized and tried to explain better once i have it figured out). |
now i will tell you what ive done for you fifty thousand tears ive cried maybe ill wake up for once screaming deceiving and bleeding for you and you still wont hear me going under dont want your hand this time ill save myself just when id thought id reached the bottom im dying again |
TWG said: I don't quite agree. Often when an argument is heated there is a level of improper or faulty communication happening between the two parties. Having an argument is not about winning at all, it should be about convincing the other person about your point of view. i dont see why convincing the other person about your point of view can't be considered a "win" either you come to a mutual conclusion or one person persuades the other. isnt that winning? The moment an argument gets heated neither person will admit the other person is right or has a point often, so there is no winning, only losing. thats what i mean by a shit flinging battle, where both participants are too heated to have any sort of rational debate. besides if both participants are heated, who's gonna be de escalating? All you can really do is detect the signs of such a situation yourself, de-escalate it, walk away and maybe try again using a different approach once everything is calmed down. thats fair.i could understand de-escalation if its an attempt at calming the other person down to get back on track. i hadn't considered that, but usually i would just do Luchse said and attempt to escalate it more, because its funny. |
| For acquaintances and my irl friends right now, I don’t usually trust them enough to have the courage to engage in a debate with them. I fear confrontation irl. As for people who I am close to, that is much easier. I won’t go too deep into that for now, but I will say this: If a friend starts an argument, then either they’re one of two things to make me engage: wrong or rude. If they’re wrong, I try to correct them, but I still keep unbiased about it unless they’re heavily biased themselves, because then I will be biased as well to show them a side they won’t accept. If they’re rude, I normally either keep it to myself or tell them off, saying that it hurt me. That usually causes them to apologise, or continue. Depends on how intentional it was. I will keep on making statements to get off of my chest until I have responded to whatever needed to be responded to, or when continuing is pointless. I ask them to stop if it gets too far (someone refused ~3 or 4 years ago, and it went on for over 2 years) because I hate permanently leaving people, but obviously, that’s too late and they usually leave. If I initiate an argument, then it’s pretty much for the same reasons above, but I do not see what they said as an argument against me until they respond. I am not an angry person, like, at all, just immensely stressed way more times than others. If one of them talks to me that I have a strong relationship with, then I might say things I do not mean and so forth. I usually reply fine once I’m not as upset again, and you can guarantee that I probably forgot such an argument existed. This usually also depends on the friend; I have one good friend who literally is positive all of the time and never gets harsh over anything, for all I know. I have no reason to be stressed over them. |
BunilleJun 20, 2020 1:56 AM
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| Arguing over pointless topics...you might as well bow down to Satan. So counterproductive. I 'de-escalate' by quieting my own mind. |
| I CELEBRATE myself, And what I assume you shall assume, For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. |
| I de-escalate by going down the elevator before taking the escalator down the ground floor, then I go down the sewers to fight Michelangelo. |
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deg said: Konradikon said: I de-escalate by going down the elevator before taking the escalator down the ground floor, then I go down the sewers to fight Michelangelo. dude comedians are great with social skills like de-escalations but ye creative minds like them is prone to mental illness like depression like Robin Williams so hopefully you are not part of that statistic In seriousness though, I'd be more inclined to say whether or not somebody is a good conversationalist with a keen sense of diplomacy to begin with. I think comedians tends to be great at making observations and creative enough to come up with absurd associations/connections on varying topics or themes that intends to break your expectations, though I'm aware there are other aspects as well. This is simply my attempt on trying to make it concise. I don't reckon there's a clear correlation, but even so, I'm not a comedian myself to be knowledgeable to tackle this thoroughly :P |
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| I am very chill in arguments, for example I was talking with my pals about cycling and I said that cadel evans is the only correct le tour winner, the rest used drugs. Of course there were contador, froom and lance fanboys that wanted to kill me. I just said my pov and I used proof that those guys cheated, bur they just screamed like the sore losers they are. Imagine explaining the inhumane level of clembuterol in contador's blood with ''he ate spanish pork chops which has clembuterol''. |
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Korishi said: "together into the abyss" sounds horrifying lol I think one good way is to attempt to show the other party that you are trying to understand why they believe in their own argument, or at least why they might get so upset over your counterargument. if it's a debate, the whole point is to reconcile anyway. The whole point with debate is not to reconcile, there is no problem with being sworn enemies, that is one reason why one have manners so one do not have to accept the other person's position or be their friend. The point with debate is self-criticism, of seeing the limits of one's own thinking and ability, which does not hinder one from winning the debate, not that there is any point in a too easy win. |
| I try to de-escalate arguments. If I can’t I’ll just abandon it, I’m not really into flame wars. |
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| I do it when I like if I don't get too emotionally involved. |
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| i dont really get into heated arguments especially not on the internet since you gain nothing by persuading a random online guy who you have no idea what their intentions are irl on my job i find i don't get into heated arguments either, if clients disagree with my recommendations theyre free to decline it, but i make sure they know the cost and risks if they dont follow my recommendations at least. |
| Yes, but the way I do it depends on the situation. If I'm the one being aggressive and the other person is feeling a type a way about it, then I'll back off a bit out of respect for the other person. If the other person is being a cunt, then I take a more passive aggressive approach that's to the effect of "Alright asshole, since you know so fucking much..." since I'm not going to waste genuine concern or respect on a fool. |
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Korishi said: Safeanew said: The whole point with debate is not to reconcile, there is no problem with being sworn enemies, that is one reason why one have manners so one do not have to accept the other person's position or be their friend. The point with debate is self-criticism, of seeing the limits of one's own thinking and ability, which does not hinder one from winning the debate, not that there is any point in a too easy win. I don't believe in just shutting someone down with a single argument. It may be a very good one, but without the obnoxious attitude or flaming. a response is valued and if there is no further counterargument a humble reconciliation (acceptance, rather than bitter 'defeat') is sought after, albeit few and far between lol. anyway I see mini tsundere reconciliations to points made by either party all the time when reading here. maybe I just don't take internet debates serious enough but we all derive pleasure from different forms of competition I suppose. I think it is better to shake your adversary's hand afterward or else it's all too obvious that you're just stroking your own ego. unless that's the whole point I'm missing here... It clearly is a bitter defeat when talking about politics or academic topics, as in either case one want to win (In politics to bring justice, in academics to find the truth), while academics is more open to a cooperative environment, politics is both it's possibility and failure. Politics is not an collaborative effort to bring the truth, but the very fracture in reality that makes truth impossible to fully grasp. But this very impossibility makes politics the only way to grasp the truth, as it is both it's possibility and it's limit. My point is that politics is fundamentally divided, based fully in conflict, the conflict between conflict and reconciliation. Debate works the same way, meaning that to grasp shards of truth there is no room for simple reconciliation, only a negative reconciliation where both sides eliminate each other through the shared impossibility leads to true political change. As in eliminating class society. |
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