Lukas535, don't be discouraged! While O_T_T raises valid criticisms - and you'll find that I have already made similar comments in your story - do not give up. Your story has some potential, so you should make use of the advice to continue improving.
As O_T_T said, and I think I mentioned it in your story itself, your grammar and punctuation could use editing. Your story also needs better transitions, because you tend to jump from scene to scene without any proper flow. I think I also pointed out the flow between chapters is also abrupt and out of nowhere. Like, one moment they are doing this, and the next sentence (or the beginning of the new chapter), they are doing something else entirely and in a totally different location, with new characters. It's abrupt, jarring and confusing.
I wouldn't say it's completely and utterly illegible, but I did mention plenty of times that I found your story confusing. The grammar and punctuation errors only exacerbate matters.
With that out of the way, I think you do have some good ideas and philosophy. Though I am unable to see it come across in your story - perhaps the execution is lacking - I understand that your intention is for a robot to become sentient and begin questioning the meaning of humanity. I can also sense your passion and desire to tell your story, even if the meaning gets lost.
I am also aware that English is not your first language. It takes a lot of courage to write in a language that is not your native one, and I highly respect you for it. Do not let this deter you - yes, your story might be - to put it bluntly - in tremendous need of reworking and editing, but you have taken the first step forward. Keep soldiering onward. Don't be discouraged by criticism and advice, but use it to improve your writing.
I know the critique is worded harshly, but there really is no other way to put it. Just take this as a baptism of fire and push forward. Continue believing in yourself, and no matter what you do, do not give up.
Oh, and one final advice. It helps to read a lot as well. And when I suggest you read, I mean you should read professionally published books. Books published by Random House, Penguins, Black Library, Bloomsbury, etc. Read proper novels, not just web fiction. And yes, in English, in case that wasn't clear. That's one of the best ways to improve language - by constantly reading. Once you've read a lot, your grammar and punctuation will automatically improve. Take note of how professional authors structure their sentences and use punctuation (and these texts have usually been heavily edited by professional editors). I guarantee you'll improve tremendously if you read more.
For now, just continue writing the story and do NOT give up! |