Story:
We open with our protagonist, Whatever, Who Cares, going to school while he thinks about how he picked his school arbitrarily. On his way there, he runs into a girl with massive bosoms and spends about five minutes sitting on her, squeezing her bosoms before he notices he's doing it. And we can already see a lot of the problems with this OVA. Yes, the idea is to make fun of that old romance trope where the protagonist accidentally gropes the heroine and it takes a second before he notices. The problem is that the execution is so over the top, overtly sexualised and just unfunny that it comes across as less of a parody and more as a really egregious example of the trope. But back to the summary, he's then called in to join the Eiken club which has a purpose, presumably, but the audience doesn't need to know it.
What follows is an hour of over-sized, bouncing bosoms, women holding and putting phallic objects in their mouths and Whatever, Who Cares accidentally ending up in really bad positions while trying to win the heart of the girl he accidentally groped at the start. Because, clearly, you have to marry the first person you grope. Otherwise you've lost your hand virginity like a godless whore for nothing.
The fundamental flaw with the whole OVA is that it wants to parody dumb harem tropes, mostly the ones surrounding characters accidentally doing sexual things and having misunderstandings, but it also wants to embrace those tropes. Which basically means it uses them, but it does it in a more obnoxious, bombastic fashion. There's no subversion, no clever deconstruction, no cleverness in general, really. It just plays the tropes straight and makes them more annoying.
Characters:
The characters are very much bottom of the barrel, one-dimensional schlock. There's no complexity or strong interactions. Take our hero and heroine. He seemingly falls for her because he accidentally groped her that one time. She's constantly seeing him in questionable positions and coming across like a complete pervert, but believes the best of him because... she has low self-esteem? Frankly, it shouldn't be hard to make your character interactions seem passable when your characters are this one note, but Eiken still finds a way to fail and make them seem awkward and stilted.
Art:
The artwork is pretty damn ugly. Even if you ignore all the excessive fan-service, the anatomy is bad. The animation isn't up to par. And there are a lot of moments where the artwork just blatantly had no effort put into it. Now, if we get into the fan-service, it's pretty horrendous. Whether you're someone who likes large breasts or not, most of the major female characters in this are so ridiculously huge in the chest that it passes the point where it could, potentially have sex appeal and goes to the point where it's gross. The art is almost Liefeldian with them having overly thin bodies, massive breasts that are bigger than their heads and legs that should not be able to carry them.
Sound:
The acting in this is quite bad. Oshiro Miwa and Watanabe Akeno in particular just have awkward, poorly directed performances. And Watanabe can act. She was in Bakuretsu Tenshi, Boku no Hero Academia, Witch Hunter Robin and more with strong performances. You just wouldn't know she's capable here. Her performance in this is so over the top, exaggerated and downright obnoxious. While Watanabe's issue is over-acting, Oshiro's issue is the opposite. She doesn't emote well and it makes a lot of scenes even worse than they were in theory. There are multiple scenes where her character is supposed to be crying out in pain but she sounds like she's reading a phone book she's so uninvested. The music isn't all that bad, which does make it the strongest element of the OVA but that's a low bar to clear.
Ho-yay:
There is none.
Areas of Improvement:
1. If you know a trope is stupid, do some subversion or deconstruction. Don't just make it more over the top.
2. Give your characters dynamics that basically fit. Even if you aren't going to try and make them complex since you're going for a comedy, at least put some effort into giving them dynamics that work.
3. Never go this Liefeldian with your art. It will look like rubbish.
Final Thoughts:
I wouldn't say Eiken is the absolute worst OVA I've ever reviewed, but that's only because it has some very stiff competition. It's definitely down there. My final rating is going to be a 1/10.
