This OVA is 3 minutes long and thank the Lord it doesn’t go any longer. It starts off with a zoom into these lines, similar to the 2nd opening to Kill La Kill, followed by some black mah-jong pieces flipping around the screen and already you can tell this is not going to be pretty. It cuts to this black tentacle that bends around and shit (I honestly thought at first it was just a black dildo) and we find that it’s connected to this fuck-face called Sayuri, with captions “This gotta be Sayuri”. Unfortunately it gotta be, don’t it? There is nothing about the design of this disgusting blob that I assume has some pretty bad genetic defects, from the dodgy eye to the bloody pinwheel on the side of its head.
We are then shown Hiroshi, who has his head INSIDE OF SAYURI’S HEAD, with hand motions as if he were playing a trumpet. If you were to tell me this was hentai, I don’t think I could argue with that. It’s told by some fugly captions that Hiroshi apparently married into Sayuri’s family for reasons that in no way, shape and form can be considered realistic. On Hiroshi’s lap is Sayuri’s Mama, who appears to be a Babushka doll attempting to deepthroat what I assume to be the long-ass genitals of, who would’ve guessed it, Sayuri’s Papa. They all appear to be participating in what I can interpret as a poorly animated orgy. Yeah… this has got to be some kind of sick Asian porn. In the synopsis, it says that Sayuri is the daughter of a good family. Maybe they’re just misunderstood, as this was made in Japan, but I beg to differ.
One minute into this, Papa tells Sayuri that her time has come… to strike. Strike what, exactly? Well, we're told that she is to strike some poor, masochistic, deformed thing, who’s put itself in the position known as ‘doggystyle’, pleading to be struck. Sayuri slithers the finger up its butt crack (no joke) before granting it’s wish and slamming the big black dildo straight down on its puny little ass, over and over again, until it falls unconscious. It says in the credits that the mother had been waiting for this day to come where Sayuri would ‘strike’. Why? Who the fuck cares? Certainly, not the creators of this shit, because they end it then and there. Nothing that was shown in this show makes any fucking sense! And they don’t even try to hide it!
This OVA is a pinnacle of complete garbage in the anime medium. It only goes for 3 minutes, but that’s 3 minutes too fucking long! The story, the characters, the animation, the sound, all of it is awful, even at an amateur level. You will have wish you spent those 3 minutes on extra sleep, because there is nothing redeemable from this show. There are shows out there like Mars of Destruction, Boku no Pico, Pupa, etc. that are known as some of the worst anime to ever be made, and Utsu Musume Sayuri easily joins these others pieces of shit in the depths of anime hell. If I haven’t made myself clear thus far, here it is, in its simplest form: Fuck this show! On MAL currently it has a mean score of 2.10, and that’s still too damn high. It is a 0/10. Overall, it’s a 0. If I used a raw score: It’s a 0. If I had used the 3 minutes I had watching this shit to create some kind of convoluted mathematical formula to come up with the most objective score I could possible give, it would still be a MOTHER FUCKING ZERO!! And if you disagree with me on this, that’s fine, but I dare you to watch it and tell me otherwise.
