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Jun 30, 2010
There are far and few fabulous things in this world.
But in the midst of all the moe puke and unfabulous whatever-dere, otaku pandering nonsense comes a series that manages to both please the fanbase and stand on its own two feet. No, I'm not talking about my reality TV show--I mean K-On.
Yui, the resident retard-moe, has herself an unfabulous predicament: she needs to join a club. What a coincidence that Moe, the tsundere (i.e. mood swinging bitchy stick in the mud) bassist and her best friend Ritalin the genki drummer have a club that needs members. The light music club. By "light music", think
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of that elevator junk you hear in between waiting to get to your floor and wondering who cut the cheeze. So Mio, Ritsu, Yui and the big-brows rich girl Mugi all get together for moe band sessions. Sounds dumb, right? IT IS. But what makes this anime so good then!?
It does the fabpossible and makes the lives of teenage girls actually INTERESTING. Have you ever been around teenage girls? Gossipy bunch, none as innocent and fun-loving as the keion-bu. Which is why this anime is a work of genius: it's a fantasy! In this fantasy world, it's okay to take the short bus to school like Yui does. It's okay to be a totally frigid buzzkill like Mio because when you got a pair of knockers like those--who cares? This world is full of cake and sparkles...it's almost like the inside of my house.
The characters are a lot to be desired, especially Mio who is undeservedly the most popular girl. If anything, I'd rather chillax with my bro Ritsu or score some preemo you know what from Mugi. Chick's loaded. Only Cuba's finest, from her! Hell, I'd hang out with that Christmas cake teacher because death metal chicks are pretty wild anyway. Azunyan makes a good pet, because really...what else is she good for?
This anime has got it all: blobby cute girls who do all kinds of kyun~. It probably is no better than other exploitative sacks of moe crap when you look at it on a surface level. But K-On does something that makes it commendable: it knocks the competition back by being as pandering as possible in a way that WORKS. For using and abusing the system like that, well, I'm mightily impressed.
It gets a solid nine fabulouses out of ten.
Reviewer’s Rating: 9
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Sep 27, 2009
I said it before and I'll say it again: there are just few things on this planet that can be as fabulous tier as I am. Aoi Hana is one kind of anime that comes dangerously close. (NB: close. Nothing is my tier as yet).
This anime has the distinction of NOT being a disgusting fanservice yuri anime. It is pretty good drama and isn't about hot chicks snogging one another or worse, not snogging and just drinking tea all the time. Don't get me wrong, this is no "snore, huh?, wtf, I can't even spell 'soeur'-fest" like Maria-sama ga Miteru nor are the girls candy
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coloured whores like in Strawberry Panic.
No, Aoi Hana shows you pretty much how unfabulous it is to be a gay-girl teenager who is so deep in the closet that even the Boogieman is starting to feel claustrophobic.
So the story follows this plain chick Fumi whose big distinctions are her height and her ability to cry at the drop of the hat. Apparently everyone wants a piece of her (reasonably so, she's a nice gal), so she gets into all sorts of lesbian hijinks with her cousin and this older chick in school.
We follow the exploits of Fumi as she goes pimpin' across Kamakura. It really says something when she can just mosey on up to a new school and bag the hottest guy in school. Although the hottest guy is just a butch girl. Yasuko is kind of a more overt pimp, because she's basically got all the girls wanting to get some, especially this hot little number called Kyoko. Who is sadly being chased by this guy (a real guy, btw) who has no idea the girl he's engaged to wants to dine on fine rug gourmet rather than sausage.
Now, be warned of the trollin'--this is no Kannazuki no Miko or anything. One thing you loser fans will have a problem with is the lack of explicitness in this anime. Where are da boobs!? If she's scamming on other girls, why aren't we seeing her panties?? I thought this was going to be about fingersex? Oops, this anime has class, taste and dignity. So be warned, none of that in Aoi Hana.
What we got is a sweet and fabulous little story. The art only really misses getting a 10 because there wasn't enough pink or glitter or pink glitter in it. There were dudes in this but they were pretty much average looking like everyone else. Everyone looks pretty normal. Other than that, it's pretty down to earth and real. The sound is pretty good too, but as for Akira's voice, I wouldn't want to take that to bed, if you know what I mean. She sounds like a little kid, which I guess is the effect they wanted because Akira is pretty much like the most childish character in the show (though she's not immature). I don't even know what I mean. Who'd want to take Akira to bed? Nobody!
And that's another pretty cool aspect of this show. Akira, the second main character, isn't automatically paired off with chick-master Fumi like ALL THOSE OTHER YURI shows where the BFFs suddenly go gay for one another. That is surprisingly very cool of this anime.
For being real: 10 fabs out 10.
Lesbians: 9 fabs out of 10.
Lack of fairy dust: 1 unfab, but since this isn't that kind of show, I guess I can let it slide.
All in all, watch this show, since I have deemed it fabulous.
Reviewer’s Rating: 9
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May 4, 2009
Blood+ is a cool vampire series that's not so cool because it went on far longer than it should.
The anime this was based off of was so much more interesting, but to appeal for fans, they made Saya younger, hotter, more man-hungry than her previous incarnation. Ah, accessibility...
Art was average. Sound was cool. I like the ED theme song where it sounds like an old lady is being strangled.
Characters were balls. The brother was freaking annoying. I hated him, ruined the damn series. However, most other people were fine.
I didn't enjoy this series so much as I enjoy getting an enema.
You
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looking for a continuation of that cool OVA thing? Then keep looking, vampire weeabos! Unless you like it or something...
Reviewer’s Rating: 7
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May 4, 2009
Cheaters never win. They just end up banging a lot of chicks.
White Album is a true life story about what it means to be a guy in the real world. In fact, a lot of people will say that this anime is fake and that there is no way that, how many were there, three, no, SIX girls would want to jump the bones of Joe Average, but you know what?? It's real, kids! In fact, it helps a lot when said loser in question is a big tool. Girls like that stuff. What success that the main character of this anime is a
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big douchebag.
So the story is about a guy (I don't remember his name, whatever, that wasn't important) who has a pretty girlfriend and just because he doesn't get to see her everyday, he decides to make use of all the other girls who are crushing on him. Instead of rubbing one out every night or just breaking up with the vapid, ignorant foolish girlfriend (who is a singer), he decides to scam on her body guard, on her co-worker, on their mutual school friends, and on a girl he is tutoring.
This is probably the most realistic drama/romance storyline I've ever seen because you know what, kiddies? People love to cheat. What's even better about this story is that everyone knows that Touya (right, that's his name!) has no backbone and they KNOW he has a girlfriend, and yet they all lure him into sticky situations. Damn, poor Yuki! People who she trusted go on to stab her so hard in the back. It is so fabulous to see these girls watch Yuki in the face and feel vague amounts of guilt about it. Hardcore. And Touya, the lucky bastard, knows she is that much of a insecure loser to stick with him even if he does decide to cheat on her or not.
Art is pretty good, though they kept sticking in these stupid watercolour bullshit in the middle of thing. It was pretty distracting and I don't know why they even bothered to do it. And the music was all right EXCEPT when anyone sang. Good God, no wonder Yuki and what's-her-face are mediocre celebrities--their music sucks.
What brought this whole anime down was TOUYA. Oh unfabulous heavens, was he such a pitiful snivelling LOSER. I swear, he cried more than the girls did!! Instead of just growing some balls and dumping his girlfriend who he doesn't even see and just settling on one of the girls he sees all the time and clearly wants, he keeps on dating Yuki and doing awful crap to her. Hell, he took time out of his day to go give a present to a chick who secretly hates his girlfriend and doesn't take the SAME TIME to see his actual girlfriend? Can you be more of a wang, Touya??
Yuki is a moron. Leave it at that. Any other girl would know that when you catch your man giving other girls presents, when he doesn't pick up his phone, when you're calling him in the middle of night and he's not answering (most likely because he's sucking the face of one of your "friends"), then he probably isn't that into you. But no. Idiot.
Then all the other girls are whores. No kidding. They disregard Yuki, they ignore the fact that weak willed Touya has a limp dick and would hump them like a dog in heat, and they come up with all sorts of schemes to break the two of them up. But what makes them interesting characters is that they pretend so well to be innocent. In fact, they disguise their cunning bitchery by second-guessing what they're doing, but the fact is they still end up ruining people's lives because each one is a selfish succubus that wants Touya. Why, who knows, because he cries like a bitch over everything.
White Album has an amazingly real story about shitty people messing up each others' lives. Man, what a wonderful thing to witness.
Reviewer’s Rating: 7
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Mar 24, 2009
If there was an anime that would make you look like a pink pair of panties with a little bow on it, it's Black Lagoon.
This is seriously one of the toughest, bloodliest, sexiest, kick tushiest anime ever created and it is better than you can ever be. It's not better than me, because it does have some flaws, but then again, nothing is really better than I am.
The story follows some pirates (not the "Argh, mateys!" kind) who do all sorts of crazy shady jobs for MONEY. Yeah, it's original that these people are motivated by cash and not by personal beefs. Makes it
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realer. Most of the anime has a realistic storyline, except for the unrealistic parts like killer twins and fighting maids and whatever.
Art and sound were seriously good. Character design was really damn good. Music was always interesting to listen to.
Revy has to be the best anime character in this show. She can kick your ass right off your body and make you wipe your tears with it. Then there's the wet blanket Rock, but unlike most wet blankets, I don't want to hang him out to dry (or die) since he's actually just being a realistic character i.e. a wimp. Then, to spice it up, since you don't only want Asians, there's a Jew and a black dude. Way to spice it up, Japan!
All in all, if you want to be amazed by cool gun fights and pirates and boats, this is the anime for you. If you haven't seen it as yet, stop washing your undies for a minute, get some bladder control, and sit back and enjoy one of the coolest anime ever.
Reviewer’s Rating: 8
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Mar 24, 2009
My God, as if they couldn't do worse than the first season of this tripe.
I can't see how anyone in their right mind would think that this is a good anime. Firstly, the story is so ridiculously melodramatic, convenient and just plain old unbelievable.
In fact, so much of it is redundant. Ooh, to spice things up a bit, rather than just having all the passive gay guys get victimised, let them get victimised by relatives of and friends of and co-workers of their lovers! Everyone loves infidelity!
Just it makes no sense, since we all know they won't cheat since they're SUCH GOOD GUYS.
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So then, what was the point of even including that in the plot?!
The art is still dirt poor as always. Ugliest gay guys I ever saw, I thought gay dudes were supposed to be fabulous? These weren't. And the sound is still lame. The theme songs are awful.
Characters, ha! Only a bunch of immature, horny bastards who cannot understand the concept of love but understand the concept of butt secks very well. They don't grow, change, develop. In fact, they spend so much time wallowing in angst and self-pity and jealously that it's a wonder that they're not all thirteen years old.
Then again, only thirteen year olds would watch this.
Reviewer’s Rating: 3
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Jan 31, 2009
Other than the magnificent turd-like mass that was the first Vampire Hunter D movie, this one managed to take the first one, pulverise it, and make a nice hat for itself to strut about it. Because it deserves to strut around, really.
D is a half-vampire, half-Mexican--er, wait. Anyway, D is not human but he's not exactly a vampire. His powers allow him to hunt most other evil vampires and he takes up a mission to save some stupid human girl who wants to get it on with the undead, and so runs away with her vampire lover. While D tries to get the hussy back,
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a rival gang who also hunts vampires compete with him. This movie was excellence. Watching all the action, the fabulous choreography of the fights were simply jizz-in-your pants worthy.
Art and sound were pure amazing. It looks beautiful, and D can make the straightest of men drool over his beauty, really. He was hotter than the chicks, believe it or not. Sound was cool, felt like I was listening to an epic horror flick. Which I was.
Characters weren't so hot except for D who we've established is walking, delectable man-meat for the ladies and just the sort of guy folks like myself just wanna hang around and kill things with. Anyway, D's just cool and aloof and can kick all types of behind. The rest of the characters were cool as well, I didn't have a problem with them, since most knew when to die anyway.
All in all, Bloodlust is the best Vampire Hunter D movie ever. And it is better than you, too.
Reviewer’s Rating: 10
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Jan 29, 2009
Oh, an anime that certainly puts the fab back in fabulous and the gay back in yaoi.
Junjou Romantica is a yaoi anime, as anyone with eyes would know. What it is, is a well loved yaoi anime and a pretty crappy normal anime.
The storyline is plain old unbelievable. You expect me to believe that there are so many gay guys who are all inter-related, yet most don't know the rest are gay unless they had boinked them in the past or something?? Where are the women in this anime? Fine, I can chalk up with the no women thing since gay men can't see
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oestrogen anyway unless it's from themselves, but the one woman in the entire anime is a yaoi fangirl. I mean come on. Wtf.
Each story is basically a mirror of the other one. Check this out.
Teacher --> younger man --> butt secks.
That's all that freaking happens for the entirety of the anime. An older, teacher-like dude meets a muuuch younger dude and they hook up and have lots of unwilling sex with one another.
First couple: a tutor who tries to seduce his best friend's little brother. Second couple: a teacher who is seduced, is trying to seduce a younger man. Third couple: another teacher whose ex-brother-in-law is trying to seduce him. God, come on! What's with this? What are they trying to say--that gay men with any position of authority in a younger boy's life will try to lead the boy astray?? Nothing happens in the story other than a whole lot of angst, sappy romance, and sexing all over the place, with a lot of "Nooo! Don't touch--oh wait, go ahead, but nooo!" going on.
Art was trash, sound was worse trash. Those theme songs sucked balls.
Characters were dead awful. Most of the time they're whining or they're moping or taking advantage of someone. I mean, come on! The writer guy did nothing but go, "I love you. Let's do it." for the whole anime. The boy he liked kept going, "Oh, I don't want this...wait, I think I do." and that's pretty much how it went for the whole anime with EVERY couple.
Don't watch this is you are a normal person. For fabulous folks like myself, AVOID.
Reviewer’s Rating: 4
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Dec 2, 2008
This is seriously one of the largest wastes of my time I have ever seen. I think I've established that my time is very fabulous, so I am rather upset about this.
We have what is one of the stupidest stories ever told. A love triangle between a boy and two girls who think they are his twin and fight over him. Other than the twincest vibe you have going, it's just plain unrealistic. Which two families/guardians allow their teenage daughters to go trekking across Japan to go looking for a boy? It just is unbelievable. I think there's something against the law about that sort
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of thing. What do I know? Of course it's fine to let your kids roam around the countryside looking for a man. Also, why is it so pertinent that they act all lovey-dovey around their "brother"? I suspect the blood bond means nothing to them since they've been separated for so long.
The art is nothing special. The style is pretty dated, and the colouring was a little messy. Nothing exceptional or memorable. I had to struggle to remember what these people looked like after watching this anime.
Nothing good to say about the sound either--it was average.
As for the characters, I couldn't find more cliched ones. Everyone was utterly generic and acted like mindless sacks of meat who act in the most predictable of ways. Why?! That isn't a good character!
I don't know who would think this trash is romantic or funny. Oh, ha ha ha, he saw her naked!! WOW. SO FUNNY. Oh, they're fighting over him, they love him so much, sob sob. OOH, SO HEART-RENCHING. More like vomit-inducing.
Don't watch this. Total waste of energy.
Reviewer’s Rating: 3
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Oct 26, 2008
I will be firm in saying that nobody, NOT ONE OF YOU would have given this anime the time of day if it hadn't recycled characters from better anime.
CLAMP, in a move of sweeping lack of creativity, decided to make another franchise by reusing their old characters. I gotta say, smart move, CLAMP--your cash cow is ready to be chopped up and sold.
And this is what Tsubasa Chronicle is: a sell-out.
The story is bland and boring. Dimension-travellers bound together for whatever reasons, but you know, viewers won't care because they get to see Sakura and Shaoran or whatever his name is go
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gaga over one another once again and two yaoi-fodder guys vacillate between passion and disgust of one another.
The art was mediocre. It wasn't good, wasn't bad. Nothing special. Like the sound.
I cannot give the characters a good rating because they aren't characters. They are just themselves from the old anime transported to a new one to serve a purpose. They aren't developed, they aren't deep, it isn't good.
I was yawning and scratching a lot while watching this--that can't be good.
Overall, this is unfabulous crap. Don't watch it. Unless you're a CLAMP fan and you won't listen to me.
Reviewer’s Rating: 5
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