Finding the good in people

deg said:
its just so easy to be bad or think bad (because of our negativity bias) especially on the internet but if you are mentally healthy then i recommend you go out more in real life since people out there tries to be at least kind most of the time

HungryForQuality said:
There is good in people if you search for it. Only question is whether you think it's worth the time, money and energy. And yes money. If you're broke, the people who give a shit about you outside immediate family plummets like a pile of bricks.

Either way,this is a judgment only you can make for yourself OP. Giving a shit actually requires commitment. And some people aren't cut out for that and live alone. They don't want to deal with the bullshit. And what the hell can I say to that?

Maybe that's what you need. Some damn alone time. Anyway I'm rambling but no one here will have the answer because there is no set answer.

Aidoru-Ojisan said:
Eh the same can be said when others look at you, your misanthropy is a bad aspect and if it overtakes the way you look at others it will blind you from the good they have, as it will blind others to the good you have. Yet it is fine to be a bit cynical and know that all humans have both good and evil sometimes it is hard to find that good but it's there.

Tahmmeow said:
People won't always be shit by the same token that people won't always be nice. Just because it's hard to see the good in the world sometimes doens't mean it isn't there. I know it's hard to see the point in trying to deal with people when it feels like nothing good comes of it: I struggle with that fact every day. The best thing I can say about this is that you aren't alone in feeling this way, there are other people who feel like humanity isn't worth saving and that all we do is hurt each other. I understand that feeling, I get that feeling a lot. I honestly struggle with the fact that humanity will most likely be it's own downfall and most people are unwilling to prevent that because they're too focused on themselves and what is best for them to realize that only helping yourself is a shortsighted endeavor that ultimately creates more problems down the line. Sometimes I honestly say to myself that it would be better if humans never existed in the first place, or if we all just disappeared, there'd be no more suffering that way, no more cycles of mistakes and hatred that cause us all to feel like shit no matter what we do, like we're fucked no matter the option we take. But then I realize that if I had never lived, if humanity never existed I'd have never learned what it meant to feel happiness and if we all just disappeared I'd never feel happiness again. I know we can't exactly justify all the suffering by linking all the happy moments in a rosary, but at the same time, calling a life where you only acknowledge the suffering isn't much of a life at all. Sometimes you need a little bit of wishful thinking to keep going, like "I know that I won't always have happiness, or even know where to find it, but if I keep going maybe I'll find it eventually." I have more to say but I also don't really know how to put it to words right now >.>

izu- said:
How do you find the good in anyone when it seems all we're capable of doing is fucking things up and backstabbing one another. Constant arguments and meaningless, unfulfilled lives are the norm. Is there a way to change this?

Sad said:
i've found the people at my work who are most critical of others are often the most insecure, inconsistent and outright negative people that i've ever met. they have no practice giving out compliments whatsoever and i don't think they'd even know where to start giving someone praise. it's extremely difficulty for me to imagine their usefullness up and come up with convoluted reasons that allows me to see the good in them. if you go toward their end of the scale i just think you are doing yourself a disservice and severely limiting your life. no hand will reach to pull you up if you spend your life biting fingers off.

i do believe there is a line that you can cross with people where finding good in them is too exhausting, and the result of seeing the good in them doesn't bring any positive change to your life. domestic violence cases can be notoriously hard to escalate to a prosecution because people exhaust themselves to see the good in their partner and they pay such a cost for it. it's total bullshit that seeing the good in everyone will make you happier/positive or that you will benefit from it. i think everyone should try initally to see things from another perspective and where 'good' may exist, but i wouldn't do it to the point where it's your daily life and how you cope with someone elses actions.

IpreferEcchi said:
People who make nudes are good. They want people to feel good.

All erotic work is the most commendable!

Thanakos said:

What about people you don't live with? Again, I like to work on the assumption that people are genuinely good but it's the alien, impersonal, circumstances that makes people behave in inhuman ways. So the first thing I do in any social setting is crack a joke about something very mundane and embarrassing. It disarms everyone.

All of this, I'll admit, won't work unless you have friends. Because ultimately this is just an extension of what you do with your friends. You have to behave as if everyone is your friend, but also keep in mind the limits. Kind of a balancing act but if you get the gist, you've probably got it in you.

xaow said:

I dated an artist who was very talented but made it explicitely clear that they would only draw lewds for money and they were only doing it to get paid. Is that still "most commendable"?

IpreferEcchi said:

I'm talking about people who are naturally inclined to do it. That person you speak of thinks it's a shameful thing.

xaow said:
nah, they didnt think it was shameful. More that it was work and they didnt want to do it for free.

Yarub said:

One thing I did the moment I entered university was voice my opinions. I, as naive as I was, stripped whatever that was proposed to me (any idea, or a question) bare. I gave quite unorthodox arguments and acted as if everyone was my friend (I always play devil's advocate to see what other people think of a topic). Let's just say people around me weren't appreciative of my contributions and well, I was too much for them to handle and a bunch of people started to ignore me because of my apparent "toxicity". Good riddance, I'd say. I don't think acting like friends with everyone is a good idea, hence my anecdote. This can also be applied to jokes.

Thanakos said:


I was very much the same, especially since I was an atheist (not accurately but whatever) in a Muslim country. I used to get into a lot of debates early on too, and I really did establish myself as the Devil's Advocate but it was unnecessary. Ideology, philosophy, politics -- these are poor foundations for friendships. You don't get along with people who have the same views; you get along with people who have the same emotions. That's the lesson I've learned in my University life. There were of course some people I could never get along with, debates or not. But that was a difference in temperament, not views. To this day, I walk around with friends who may never understand my views, who in fact try to avoid debating with me on certain topics, but who are nonetheless valuable for what they contribute to my life. You have to understand that most people don't see learning as their primary objective in life and that's perfectly fine, because we, the high-flown intellectuals, who do see learning as our life goal are nonetheless absolute shit in a lot of things that these 'commoners' can handle as if it's their second nature. I don't know how wide your circle of friends is but in my case, I've seen so much diversity that I've just stopped thinking I'm special in any fucking way.