| Chapter 2 The rusty bike pulled up with a screech along the already hot road. "Let's go Asa, I'm sure our boss is going to kill us." sighed Goh. "Yoro ain't that bad." said Asap as he climbed off the bike. "He sounded all excited last night though." started Goh. "Was talking about a new game in development or something." he finished, but Asap didn't reply. The automatic doors to MAL Headquarters opened as Goh and Asap rushed inside. The MAL Headquarters building towered above all buildings in the entirety of MAL City, hundreds of interns and workers scurried orderly passed each other, to get to their destination. MAL Headquaters was the place where everything was run and everything was made, from tooth brushes, to mach trucks. Goh and Asap rushed into an elevator that had just been opened. "What floor again?" asked Asap looking at Goh. "39th floor" replied Goh. It was then that Goh remembered that Asa has only been working with Goh for a week, although it felt like forever. BING! The elevator sounded as they reached the 39th floor, Goh rushed out before Asa. He saw a glint of black and white before he collided with something solid. CRASH! Goh fell backwards as did the person he collided with. "Ouch..." Goh said in unison with the mysterious person. Goh jumped up and reached a hand out to the person. Now that Goh had gotten a good look at the person she was actually a gorgeous girl with twin tails and wearing a-- "I'm really sorry!!" the girl said interrupting Goh's train of thought. "No, it's fine, I should have been looking where I was going" replied Goh, reassuaring her. "More importantly, take my hand and hop up would ya?" finished Goh. "Oh, sorry." the girl said almost sadly. "Jeez you sure apologise a lot." Her hand was soft and Goh blushed for a second as he pulled her up. "More importantly, what's your name?" asked Goh. "Kibura. Kibura Iburasa. Nice to meet you." Kibura said with a cute smile. Asa walking up behind the two called out "Made a new girlfriend already have we Goh-Goh?" He said with a chuckle. "LIKE HELL I HAVE!" yelled Goh. "And I told you to stop calling me that!" he finished. "Yeah, yeah, I was kidding Goh, get a sense of humour would you" said Asa sarcastically. Goh wasn't listening however. he was too busy staring at Kibura. Kibura realised this, and started to look almost frightened. "I-is something the matter?" she asked. "This has been bothering me for a while" started Goh. "But why are you wearing a Maid Outfit?" End of Chapter 2 |
BaileyyMay 8, 2014 7:05 PM
[center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
| Pretty good so far goh, I like this chapter and not just because im in it :3 its cute. Now....Harem going by GOH, Me wearing a maid outfit... My god its like all MAL fan fictions are developing some strange crossover consistency. |
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Kibura_Iburasa said: Pretty good so far goh, I like this chapter and not just because im in it :3 its cute. Thanks ^^ Kibura_Iburasa said: Now....Harem going by GOH, Me wearing a maid outfit... My god its like all MAL fan fictions are developing some strange crossover consistency. Yeah, I couldn't think of a better name to call myself. The Maid Outfit was intentional though haha |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
| Holy shrimps! Some Kibura fanservice, :3 |
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| Lol'd @ Yoro being the boss that'll 'kill us if we're late'! I could see him fitting that role :p UnoPuntoCinco said: Holy shrimps! Some Kibura fanservice, :3 +1 |
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Zetrin said: I thought the only superstar on Mal is BryanBossling, sorry nobody else can live up to that standard.We need a MAL superstar in here, there are none so far. Unless you wanted a renown "attention whore" like Maria_Sama or MellowJello. Wouldn't of minded someone like Introver, Not_Biased, or Jizzy being in one of these fanfics some day. But practically every one of them has Lime, Heredity, Jd, Lupadim, and Korrvo in it, it's really just beating a dead horse now. And if we're going by next in line to super stardom , Lupadim and Asap come close. |
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| Guess I have a long way to go still - that's fine; gives me a goal to work towards - if only I had ventured into the forums when I created this account . . .how wasteful |
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| Chapter 3 "So you're the private maid of an executive at MAL HQ, but it's your first day on the job, and you got lost?" confirmed Asa. "Why does this sound awfully cliche?" asked Goh, talking to himself. "Yes." said Kibura. "If you could, would you be able to help me find my way?" she asked. "Well we're running late, but I'm sure Goh could point the way for you. He's been working here for 4 and a half years after all" stated Asa. "I'm told that I'm working for a man named Lupadim." Goh cringed at the name. "Well?" she asked again. "Yeah. Coincidentally, it's right next to where we're going, just follow us." Goh said, sounding serious as he began to fast-walk again towards his boss' office. "What's wrong with him?" Kibura asked Asa with a curious look on her face. "Dunno." Said Asa simply. "Well, here we are." said Goh suddenly after a five minute walk. "Wow, this place is really big!" exclaimed Kibura. The corridor extended at least 100 meters. "Our boss is this room on the right, your boss is the room on the left." Goh said to Kibura. "Thanks!" Kibura said with a smile and she began to walk towards the door. "Wait." Goh said suddenly. "Hmm?" queried Kibura. "Good luck. You'll need it." said Goh, sounding really serious now. "Right..." whispered Kibura as she entered the room. "What was that all about, Goh?" asked Asa. "Never mind. At any rate we should probably get to work!" Goh exclaimed entering his boss' room. "YO, Yoro!" said Asa gleefully as they entered the room. " Goh gave him a sharp look as if to say: 'Too blunt bro!'. "That's Mr. GinSan to you Asa. Also don't 'yo' me." said Yoro with a sigh as he turned to face them in his big office chair. Yoro was suprisingly tall and muscular. He wore a business suit and a tie, and he combed back his thick black hair. He stood up and walked across to the other side of the room. "More importantly, you're late. Like thirty minutes late." he said seriously. "Yeah, haha, Goh had a tough time getting out of bed it seems!" Yoro glanced at Goh with what seemed to be a hint of a smile. "Well whatever, I don't care. C'mere you two I've got something to show you." Despite Yoro's serious exterior he was actually quite lax inside. Before the conversation could advance any further, a piercing scream came from next door. Goh sighed. "It's started." he said. end of Chapter 3 I'm trying really hard to introduce you all, but rest assured, within the next 3 chapters most of you will be introduced and we'll be inside the game. |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
| Decompressed story telling, me gusta |
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YorozuyaGinSan said: Well that mostly stems from the fact that people seem to be wanting to include people who are active in these threads. The one with the widest variety so far is Lupadim.Wouldn't of minded someone like Introver, Not_Biased, or Jizzy being in one of these fanfics some day. But practically every one of them has Lime, Heredity, Jd, Lupadim, and Korrvo in it, it's really just beating a dead horse now. Kousoku11 said: If you want something different, you're going to have to wait for for a few weeks or so depending from the circumstances. |
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| Chapter 4 Kibura burst through the door of Yoro's office huffing and panting. "Save me!" she yelped. A big bristly man walked in behind her wearing only a bathtowel around his waist while brushing his teeth. Lupadim looked at Kibura from head to toe twice, as if sizing her up. "Not bad... Not bad at all." Lupadim said with a perverted smile. Kibura ran and took cover behind Yoro's shoulder, Yoro looked slightly taken aback by this. "This man has pictures of naked maids all around his office!" Kibura cried. "Don't worry" Goh started. "Lupa is harmless. He's still a freaking pervert though." he finished with a sigh. "I resent that statement young Goh-Goh. I'm simply an enthusiast on..." Lupadim did a two-step and spun around to click his fingers before finishing. "MAIDS!~" he finished with a sing song voice. "please don't call me that." said Goh, wondering when this nickname caught on. "How many times do I have to tell you not to frighten your new maids" Yoro said with a sigh. "I still wonder why the main office still let's you hire more even though you've scared so many away." Yoro added. "YO, Yoro!" Lupa exclaimed with a huge smile, as if he'd just noticed Yoro's presence for the first time. Yoro sighed once again. "Well, whatever, since you two are here as well, I may as well show you too." Yoro said. "Show us what?" Lupa asked. "This." Yoro pulled out a game cartridge that looked like it belonged to a console from 1999. "What is it?" Asa asked. "The Alpha for the new game from the Gaming Department. An Action-Adventure RPG, it was sent by the main office so we could test it out." After all that was Goh's and Asa's job. They test out all the house technology before they're released. However the grey cartridge was completely blank other than the title made out in black permanent marker. "Crave Saga Online, huh..." Kibura said aloud. "What a stupid name" Goh scowled. "Wow, THAT looks shifty." Asa claimed. "I like it." Lupa added. Yoro proped the cartridge into the console and switched it on. All of a sudden the room around the five of them seemed to bend and twist, then, everything went black. end of Chapter 4 |
BaileyyMay 9, 2014 12:52 AM
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
| lol'd at lupa being a pervert bro |
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UnoPuntoCinco said: lol'd at lupa being a pervert bro I had that planned from the beginning lol. I hope I added him in well ^^. emeraldrosary said: Chapter 4 - Nice chapter. We got some Lupalols ^^ Crave Saga Online? The name may be derived from Sword Art Online, but I bet the story is more along the lines of Ixion Saga DT xD It's wierd lol, because the title's a mix of SAO, Ixion SagaDT and MAL's parent website CraveOnline. |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
| oh man that sing song voice Maids~~~~ ahaha - I'm liking the world building so far, excited to see how you describe the game and where the rest of the cast is going to come from :] |
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| Chapter 5 Goh awoke with a startle when ice cold water splashed over his face. His vision was blurry and it took him a few seconds to regain his bearings, he made out the face of a male about his age with shaven black hair and wearing rags. "Finally awake are we?" chirped the mysterious lad. There was a boy who looked quite a few years younger than the lad, sitting beside him he had medium lengthed silver hair, and a cute face for a male. "What the hell is happening?" questioned Goh. "Well we found you and your friends over by our village creek just sleeping on the ground. Man you must of had a long journey to fall asleep in such a dangerous place so easily." said the boy. "Village?" questioned Goh further "and where are my friends?" continued Goh with worry in his voice. "Take it easy now tiger. Your friends are already awake, and with the village elder. This is our village, Restonhawk." Goh had no idea what was happening but he decided to go along with it. "And you are?" asked Goh. "I didn't introduce myself? Damn how rude of me haha. I'm Korrvo. And this is my lttle brother Lime." Korrvo gestured to his right, reminding Goh of the younger boy's presence. "he's really quiet and shy but he's a good kid. Introduce yourself kiddo." Korrvo gave a little shove to Lime. "Nice to meet you..." Lime said in a quiet and cute voice. "Now then." said Korrvo with a smile "Should we go meet up with your friends at the elder's hut?" Meanwhile at the very very top of MAL HQ, a important meeting was taking place between the Ruler of MAL City and his young female assistant. The big mahogany desk that towered above the others had a big nametag on top. 'CEO - Kineta'. "Did all go according to plan?" Kineta asked the young girl kneeling on one knee in front of the desk. "Yessir" she replied. "The 8 MAL workers you asked for have all been transferred into the game you sent to Executive Yoro's office..." the mysterious girl replied. "Good..." said Kineta. the mysterious girl began to speak again "However... it seems two others got transferred in a mix up too... Executive Lupa and his new maid" Kineta started to look worried. "We have no other choice. Go through the portal behind me, it will take you into the game. We musn't let them interfere with our plans." the mysterious girl nodded her head as she entered the portal. Kineta spoke once more: "I'm counting on you... NarTaco." end of Chapter 5 Okay guys, so I have no idea how I'm doing. I can never tell, so based on these 5 chapters alone, how would you rate it so far out of 10? |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
| I'm kind of confused, were the 8 MAL workers supposed to be the 5 that were warped in, or are they a separate group? There are going to be 15 people warped into the game right? Seems only 14 have so far: the original 5, the 8 MAL workers(?), and NarTaco. "I'm counting on you... NarTaco." I don't know why, but I laughed at this harder than I should have. NarTaco is going to be a villain/antagonist? I approve.Waiting to see where the 'Romance' (Kibura and Lupadim?) will kick in and how the video game world will turn out. I'll give the beginning a 7 or 8/10, it was fun to read If anyone thought I was serious about the 'superstar' post, I wasn't. You're all superstars in my heart. |
ShannaroMay 9, 2014 5:12 AM
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Zetrin said: Waiting to see where the 'Romance' (Kibura and Lupadim?) will kick in No no no no no no no a million times no! Lupa is such a..such a..Hentai! I feel violated, I can feel his eyes on my body *shudders* Good chapters but I can never unsee Lupa's office...or towel. |
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NarTaco said: Whoa, I was sure I'd end up being the overly hyper taco girl. I love the mystery. But wouldn't RedArmyShogun make be a better antagonist? SHUT UP FOOL! I PULL THE STRINGS BEHING THE SCEANES! That or I'll be the some picked up NPC or the like. |
| Huh that would be neat, I also might be the Vampire in a castle lulz. I'll wait and see. |
| That might be true as well. hmm maybe I should try writing one of these. |
| Well if I were to do it would be longer and more time consuming. But oh well. And Also I don't have anything in mind like those two going on. Should isn't the same as will. More so when I attach a "might" to it. |
Zetrin said: I'm kind of confused, were the 8 MAL workers supposed to be the 5 that were warped in, or are they a separate group? There are going to be 15 people warped into the game right? Seems only 14 have so far: the original 5, the 8 MAL workers(?), and NarTaco. Actually, I kind of changed my mind. The 15 original characters aren't all warped into the game. There's 3 other people that were warped that I've yet to introduce. NarTaco said: Whoa, I was sure I'd end up being the overly hyper taco girl. I love the mystery. But wouldn't RedArmyShogun make be a better antagonist? Don't worry, I have plans for you. RedArmyShogun said: Huh that would be neat, I also might be the Vampire in a castle lulz. I'll wait and see. No no no no no no NO! I have big plans for you sir. |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
| lol oh boy, plans. |
| When is Executive Gin-san going to commence the wreckage of these jobbers? I'm not so fond of Lupadim having a position of authority, he's definitely more of the lackey type to me. RedArmyShogun said: I wouldn't read it, boo.♥That might be true as well. hmm maybe I should try writing one of these. Good job so far, looking forward. I don't like Kibura's character in this one though, probably just the difference in writers, can't help it. |
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YorozuyaGinSan said: When is Executive Gin-san going to commence the wreckage of these jobbers? I'm not so fond of Lupadim having a position of authority, he's definitely more of the lackey type to me. RedArmyShogun said: I wouldn't read it, boo.That might be true as well. hmm maybe I should try writing one of these. What makes you think you would even be in it? :D |
RedArmyShogun said: I assumed I wouldn't of been in it, what make you think I had thought otherwise?YorozuyaGinSan said: When is Executive Gin-san going to commence the wreckage of these jobbers? I'm not so fond of Lupadim having a position of authority, he's definitely more of the lackey type to me. RedArmyShogun said: I wouldn't read it, boo.That might be true as well. hmm maybe I should try writing one of these. What makes you think you would even be in it? :D |
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YorozuyaGinSan said: I assumed I wouldn't of been in it, what make you think I had thought otherwise? That Condom hat screams for attention tbh. |
RedArmyShogun said: Condoms are exceptionally versatile, you're just jello of my all purpose condom hat.YorozuyaGinSan said: I assumed I wouldn't of been in it, what make you think I had thought otherwise? That Condom hat screams for attention tbh. True though, I'm waiting till I can change it the normal way. |
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YorozuyaGinSan said: RedArmyShogun said: Condoms are exceptionally versatile, you're just jello of my all purpose condom hat.YorozuyaGinSan said: I assumed I wouldn't of been in it, what make you think I had thought otherwise? That Condom hat screams for attention tbh. True though, I'm waiting till I can change it the normal way. Lol Mal and technically reliability. Oh well later. |
| Cool three chapters already, nice going. |
| I am way too much out of character... I am a gentleman that is the ally of justice, not a random perv |
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lupadim said: There's not a single fanfic in which you are actually in character though, not this, not Kibura's, and not your own.I am way too much out of character... I am a gentleman that is the ally of justice, not a random perv This is probably the most out of place Lupadim characterizations though, I'm just picturing a fat old abusive creep, it really doesn't stick. |
OchimushaMay 9, 2014 2:59 PM
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YorozuyaGinSan said: I was out of my character in my Kingdom of MAL fanfic, but not in the Island fanfic.There's not a single fanfic in which you are actually in character though, not this, not Kibura's, and not your own. |
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Capricious_Smile said: Cool three chapters already, nice going. There's five, I just didn't add the other two to the OP, since I'm browsing on my Wii-U pad atm. lupadim said: I am way too much out of character... I am a gentleman that is the ally of justice, not a random perv I wanted to make you different, I wanted to make you the craziest character possible. Don't worry, you will definitely have some badass moments. YorozuyaGinSan said: This is probably the most out of place Lupadim characterizations though, I'm just picturing a fat old abusive creep. it really doesn't stick. Hmmm, I tried really hard with Lupa's character though. I guess I didn't do it right. |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
God-of-Harem said: Capricious_Smile said: Cool three chapters already, nice going. There's five, I just didn't add the other two to the OP, since I'm browsing on my Wii-U pad atm. Caught up. You seem to over use the word smile. At least Lupa's character leaves room for character development. |
lupadim said: Your character on the island fic is completely broken.YorozuyaGinSan said: I was out of my character in my Kingdom of MAL fanfic, but not in the Island fanfic.There's not a single fanfic in which you are actually in character though, not this, not Kibura's, and not your own. You can't just force yourself to be the smartest character in the story and proceed to call it an accurate depiction, only in joking. Unless you're saying all of the other characters in that story are out of character. |
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Capricious_Smile said: God-of-Harem said: Capricious_Smile said: Cool three chapters already, nice going. There's five, I just didn't add the other two to the OP, since I'm browsing on my Wii-U pad atm. Caught up. You seem to over use the word smile. At least Lupa's character leaves room for character development. Yeah, this is the first time I've written anything other than forum posts in like 2 and a half years, let alone done any serious think or working, so I'm kind of struggling to use a large vocabulary and such. I used to get A+'s in writing so I hope the writer instinct inside of me will pull through. Also you're the first fellow Queenslander I've met on MAL ^^ |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
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