ZzzDemon said: I am attracted to women, but every time I start feeling something, there’s this voice in my head that says, “Would I even care about her if I wasn’t horny?” And honestly, the answer is always no. Sex being your motivator is perfectly fine, in fact, this is how evolution has shaped most men, it's natural, don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise. |
*kappa* |
| Good relationships are built only on 2 things: responsibility (both sides) and commitment (also both sides); everything else is secondary, and so on. Unfortunately, in modern society it's rare to find people who willingly accept responsibility and commitment (especially for a long time). Thus, the entire "relationship" dogma in the modern era is nothing but quick, mindless hookups, or worse, one-sided when the other side only expects everything to be delivered to them on a gold platter just because they have 3 holes. |
| How many times have you tried dating them? How many times you got to a 6th date? How many times have you tried talking to them? How many times have you walked their dog? How many times their dad and you went to a basketball match? How many times did you get to the point of asking what they like in their hobby? Do you know their hobby? Their secret hobby? (Goals too. Don't forget about getting to their goals.) Well, try to reach that deep. You seem to lack interest in the other human, and never went to reach the interesting parts. But this is my superficial opinion too. |
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ZzzDemon said: because I feel like an outcast for not having one. you don't need a girlfriend cause you don't even have a self to give her in return. |
ZzzDemon said: Maybe you are just aromantic? Personally, the benefits of getting a relationship have little to do with sex for me. It's more about having a life long partner/friend, who yeah occasionally is down to fuck, however, the relationship side matters more. I mean, there are probably people down to just be FWB, if you aren't looking for a committed relationship. I would advise not to get into one, if you don't care about the emotional side of things. The part that messes with me the most is that I’m not even sure I genuinely want a relationship. A lot of times, it feels like I only desire it because I feel like an outcast for not having one. I am attracted to women, but every time I start feeling something, there’s this voice in my head that says, “Would I even care about her if I wasn’t horny?” And honestly, the answer is always no. That kind of kills any emotional connection before it even forms. |
| I actually feel pretty much the same as you but I assume our cases might be vastly different mostly because 18+ stuff isn't that strong motivator for me. I was in three relationships throughout my life and all of them ended up with me being too overwhelmed. At first I thought that I'm just a person that doesn't like showing affection but looking at my relationships from my current standpoint, it just that there was never feeling of love. Caring for someone is something that I didn't and still don't want to do. I liked and still like hugging, kissing and 18+ stuff but honestly it would be good with basically anyone who is attractive, it doesn't need to be any specific person. Well, I have no idea if there will be someone I could really love but currently I don't really care, I'm busy with my hobbies and responsibilities and yes, I'm happy. |
| There is no banquet in this world that doesn't come to an end... But I will never leave you. |
| Damn, I'm the same. 23 though and never dated. 2 years ago I had the guts to ask a girl out directly who I thought was really interested in me cause of how smooth and fun our conversations were but she pretty much ghosted and never followed back on IG when I DM'd her. I guess she was just being nice all along. A few years ago I knew a girl who found me attractive but every time I wanted to hang out with her it's like she was no longer interested anymore. And before her a girl lead me on for months until she got her first bf. So I don't really bother with romance anymore cause it really feels like playing mind games. I find it genuinely hard to tell who's 100% interested, who's not or if they're way more interested in some other guy than me. It would be nice to know what it's actually like to be in a relationship though because I do feel kinda embarrassed about how everybody in my circle, friends, school and college classmates, have been in at least one besides me. I bet most of them assume I've been in one but nah I've always been single. |
 |
| Maybe write this in a journal, probably be better for you. |
ZzzDemon said: That kind of kills any emotional connection before it even forms. Emotional connection? At 20, the only spot in your apartment you haven't hooked up on should be the cutting board - because bread is sacred. Emotional connection? Please. You don't get that until your back is covered in scratches, and some of your furniture is broken. That stuff comes later. Appetite shows up once you start eating. What an inexistent problem tbh... |
| Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. |
| This is relatively normal for a 20-year-old. Focus on your studies and taking care of yourself, and there'll be plenty of opportunities for you in the near future. |
| I am 22 and never had a girlfriend... |
If you enjoyed the time you wasted, then its not a waste of time.  |
| If you expect some deep caring for someone like you have known them for a decade on first sight, then you are doing it wrong, that does take a decade. The horny is basically biology's way of nudging you in the right direction. Embrace the horny! |
| Since you're a hot shot academic, maybe once you graduate you could make a bunch of money and basically buy a wife with super huge tits. |
| I CELEBRATE myself, And what I assume you shall assume, For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. |
Reply to BilboBaggins365
ZzzDemon said:
The part that messes with me the most is that I’m not even sure I genuinely want a relationship. A lot of times, it feels like I only desire it because I feel like an outcast for not having one. I am attracted to women, but every time I start feeling something, there’s this voice in my head that says, “Would I even care about her if I wasn’t horny?” And honestly, the answer is always no. That kind of kills any emotional connection before it even forms.
Maybe you are just aromantic? Personally, the benefits of getting a relationship have little to do with sex for me. It's more about having a life long partner/friend, who yeah occasionally is down to fuck, however, the relationship side matters more. I mean, there are probably people down to just be FWB, if you aren't looking for a committed relationship. I would advise not to get into one, if you don't care about the emotional side of things. The part that messes with me the most is that I’m not even sure I genuinely want a relationship. A lot of times, it feels like I only desire it because I feel like an outcast for not having one. I am attracted to women, but every time I start feeling something, there’s this voice in my head that says, “Would I even care about her if I wasn’t horny?” And honestly, the answer is always no. That kind of kills any emotional connection before it even forms.
| @BilboBaggins365 That's nice I suppose? I don't think I could date someone I didn't find attractive enough >< |
Reply to JaniSIr
@BilboBaggins365 That's nice I suppose? I don't think I could date someone I didn't find attractive enough ><
| @JaniSIr I mean I couldn't either, though I just don't have really picky standards. It's more about hygiene for me anyway. |
Reply to BilboBaggins365
@JaniSIr I mean I couldn't either, though I just don't have really picky standards. It's more about hygiene for me anyway.
| @BilboBaggins365 What does picky mean in this context though? And the comment about hygiene suggests that you had a very bad experience in that regard, because normally I'd never imagine pointing that out. |
| Sounds to me like a lack of social experience, which isn't the same as being socially inept or awkward. I'd recommend just putting yourself out there in social settings where you feel you'd meet someone you'd click with. Clubs or venues that play music you like, for example, or events dedicated to your hobbies like anime conventions. That way, you're more likely to meet someone you connect with on a personal level than if you were to talk to a random babe you see on campus. And don't worry about being a late bloomer. I was in the exact same boat as you when I was in college. Only got in my first relationship at 21. |
Take care of yourself |
ZzzDemon said: I am attracted to women, but every time I start feeling something, there’s this voice in my head that says, “Would I even care about her if I wasn’t horny?” And honestly, the answer is always no. So, when you say you start to "feel something", what do you mean exactly? Do you mean when you start to feel turned on? Like you want to have sex with her? Or is there more there? Do you start to feel an interest in things beyond sex? Like being in a relationship? Because it is perfectly normal for sexual attraction and emotional attraction to go hand-in-hand. And it's normal for both to fluctuate, or for you to feel the emotional attraction more strongly when you are currently having the sexual attraction. My adivce is: 1. If there is any sort of emotional attraction going on (even if only when sexual attraction is present), then give it a chance. Go on a few dates. See what happens. You may find the emotional attraction grow. And if not, that's okay. You can just be honest and say you're not looking for a relationship. 2. If all of this is pure sexual attraction, no emotional attraction, that's okay, too. You might be what the kids these days call "aromantic" - unable to feel romantic attraction. It happens! Nothing wrong with having hookups. Just use protection, communicate honestly, and be upfront that you are not looking for romance. Trust me, there will be plenty of women who are more than okay with that, even if it takes some time to find it. A solid friends with benefits situation can work out great for some people. But do not worry about "missing out". There's no rule that says you have to have a partner. |
| “Would I even care about her if I wasn’t horny?” Why don't you give it a try and see how if it develops? If not, you can always break up. |
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| First off, DUDE YOU'RE 20 NO WORRIES I LITERALLY had my first kiss, first date, sex and partner when I was 20. And we've been together ever since so sometimes it just takes time to find someone. But it takes some effort as I was extremely lonely and felt helpless but I did try to put myself out there just a bit and even though it took a lot of time it paid off. You need to put a little effort into it, doing something for a goal makes the goal achievable |
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xMizu_ said: buy a wife with super huge tits ...and massive dick, so your gay friends feel jealous too. |
| Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. |
Reply to LoveYourSmile
xMizu_ said:
buy a wife with super huge tits
buy a wife with super huge tits
...and massive dick, so your gay friends feel jealous too.
| @LoveYourSmile Maybe in the near future lol. |
| I CELEBRATE myself, And what I assume you shall assume, For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. |
Reply to xMizu_
@LoveYourSmile Maybe in the near future lol.
| @xMizu_ Aw, too bad the dude left - we still had so many cool tips for him. |
| Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. |
Reply to Kiyomice
ZzzDemon said:
I am attracted to women, but every time I start feeling something, there’s this voice in my head that says, “Would I even care about her if I wasn’t horny?” And honestly, the answer is always no.
I am attracted to women, but every time I start feeling something, there’s this voice in my head that says, “Would I even care about her if I wasn’t horny?” And honestly, the answer is always no.
So, when you say you start to "feel something", what do you mean exactly? Do you mean when you start to feel turned on? Like you want to have sex with her?
Or is there more there? Do you start to feel an interest in things beyond sex? Like being in a relationship?
Because it is perfectly normal for sexual attraction and emotional attraction to go hand-in-hand. And it's normal for both to fluctuate, or for you to feel the emotional attraction more strongly when you are currently having the sexual attraction.
My adivce is:
1. If there is any sort of emotional attraction going on (even if only when sexual attraction is present), then give it a chance. Go on a few dates. See what happens. You may find the emotional attraction grow. And if not, that's okay. You can just be honest and say you're not looking for a relationship.
2. If all of this is pure sexual attraction, no emotional attraction, that's okay, too. You might be what the kids these days call "aromantic" - unable to feel romantic attraction. It happens!
Nothing wrong with having hookups. Just use protection, communicate honestly, and be upfront that you are not looking for romance. Trust me, there will be plenty of women who are more than okay with that, even if it takes some time to find it. A solid friends with benefits situation can work out great for some people.
But do not worry about "missing out". There's no rule that says you have to have a partner.
| @Kiyomice Not OP but if "there's no rule that says you have to have a partner" then why is "virgin" so often used as an insult? Also that kind of comes across like a millionaire saying "money doesn't buy happiness" to a broke person |
Some of you never watched Bakugan Battle Brawlers on TeleToon in 2008 and it shows. |
A guy who is a virgin beyond the age of 24 is a wizard for life. I say find a hobby you enjoy. No tactical soap is going to change it, or advise by red pill gurus. |
rohan121Sep 23, 1:21 PM
 |
Reply to Zarutaku
ZzzDemon said:
I am attracted to women, but every time I start feeling something, there’s this voice in my head that says, “Would I even care about her if I wasn’t horny?” And honestly, the answer is always no.
I am attracted to women, but every time I start feeling something, there’s this voice in my head that says, “Would I even care about her if I wasn’t horny?” And honestly, the answer is always no.
Sex being your motivator is perfectly fine, in fact, this is how evolution has shaped most men, it's natural, don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise.
| @Zarutaku that's bad to say this sensei He's looking for a relationship not just a one night stand |
  |
Reply to Zakatsuki_
@Zarutaku that's bad to say this sensei
He's looking for a relationship not just a one night stand
He's looking for a relationship not just a one night stand
| @Zakatsuki_ First of all it's a bait topic and OP already deleted itself, secondly sex is a cornerstone of long term relationships, except for too old couples. |
*kappa* |
| Who is the OP and why do they have over 500K posts? Sometimes MAL leaves me scratching my head. O__O |
| I'M YUIGAHAMA'S TEDDY BEAR~ |
Reply to LabMemberX
Who is the OP and why do they have over 500K posts?
Sometimes MAL leaves me scratching my head.
O__O
Sometimes MAL leaves me scratching my head.
O__O
| @LabMemberX Most likely explanation is if you delete your account, all your posts get grouped into "removed-user" |
| Don't think about it. Really. You'll get a relationship some day, but you'll only do yourself injustice by thinking about it so much. Relationships just happen. Real, meaningful ones. You can seek out any number of casual flings but like you said - you're not interested. You won't be alone. Trust me. |
Supreme Seireitei - Captain of the 10th Court Guard Squad  |
| I’m kind of the opposite. I practically don’t really want sex at all but I do eventually want a relationship. I have dated people before however. Man, I wish asexual people were more common. |
| No worries. Take your time and relationship will arrive |
| He wants to keep up with the kardasian's but he doesn't want to be a kardasian. Interesting, and most men are like that at your age they just don't admit it. |
| Men traditionally have to approach women and do most of the work. That's how it has always been. If you're not approaching women and wooing them, you'll never get a gf unless you're in the top 10% of attractive males, which none of us are let's be real. And it's not that simple to fix either. |
 |
Reply to lucjan
Men traditionally have to approach women and do most of the work. That's how it has always been. If you're not approaching women and wooing them, you'll never get a gf unless you're in the top 10% of attractive males, which none of us are let's be real. And it's not that simple to fix either.
lucjan said: If you're not approaching women and wooing them, you'll never get a gf And if you do, you'll be a friendzoned simp. |
*kappa* |
Reply to ryan77999
@Kiyomice Not OP but if "there's no rule that says you have to have a partner" then why is "virgin" so often used as an insult? Also that kind of comes across like a millionaire saying "money doesn't buy happiness" to a broke person
ryan77999 said: Not OP but if "there's no rule that says you have to have a partner" then why is "virgin" so often used as an insult? Also that kind of comes across like a millionaire saying "money doesn't buy happiness" to a broke person lol there's a ton of things children say as an insult. doesn't mean anything. if you're surrounded by adults who use virgin as an insult, then you probably have bigger things to worry about... It is completely different and unrelated to a millionare saying "money doesn't buy happiness". Like...what. |
Reply to Kiyomice
ryan77999 said:
Not OP but if "there's no rule that says you have to have a partner" then why is "virgin" so often used as an insult? Also that kind of comes across like a millionaire saying "money doesn't buy happiness" to a broke person
Not OP but if "there's no rule that says you have to have a partner" then why is "virgin" so often used as an insult? Also that kind of comes across like a millionaire saying "money doesn't buy happiness" to a broke person
lol there's a ton of things children say as an insult. doesn't mean anything. if you're surrounded by adults who use virgin as an insult, then you probably have bigger things to worry about...
It is completely different and unrelated to a millionare saying "money doesn't buy happiness". Like...what.
| @Kiyomice what I meant by that comparison is someone who's fortunate enough to possess something (whether that be a relationship or money) sees someone who covets that and says "You don't need it anyway" |
| Some of you never watched Bakugan Battle Brawlers on TeleToon in 2008 and it shows. |
Reply to ryan77999
@Kiyomice what I meant by that comparison is someone who's fortunate enough to possess something (whether that be a relationship or money) sees someone who covets that and says "You don't need it anyway"
| @ryan77999 But he doesn't even want a relationship??? Lol |
Reply to Kiyomice
@ryan77999 But he doesn't even want a relationship??? Lol
| @Kiyomice What’s really eating at me is the fear that I’ll never be able to have a relationship. Like something’s fundamentally missing in me that other people just naturally have. The social stigma around being 20 and never having been with anyone is getting heavier to carry it feels like I’m silently failing at some unwritten life rule. - quote from OP himself. He never said he didn't want one, he said he wasn't sure if he wanted one. |
| Some of you never watched Bakugan Battle Brawlers on TeleToon in 2008 and it shows. |
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