| I couldn't think of any other ancient scene worth seeing :P, I just wish I could have done it more justice, my ability to describe visually stunning events is still lacking. |
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| Chapter 35: A maiden’s woes WIP |
New_User_12345Dec 10, 2016 11:27 AM
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| 6 months?! I might already be on to the last part of my trilogy by then =P My hatred of that bastard has reached the point of full saturation, by the way. There is literally nothing he could do to make me hate him more. Even the most depraved NTR orgy with your friends and family wouldn't do it. Now, though, death seems way too gentle. At least there's someone out there now that wants him to pay almost as much =) |
| You do a good job at portraying personality green. Usually I'm ok with the death penalty for fictional characters. Realistically I disagree with it, I believe the most heinous of criminals should be kept alive allowed to wilt away in an soft, white, fully lit, isolated room with no more outside interaction than the bare absolute needed to keep them alive. Don't end the suffering through death, force them to live out their lives in endless boredom. Put Tony in a straight jacket and throw him in the room. |
 |
| Oh if only you knew the fate in store! Only Kami knows the truth! and I've sealed him away in a concrete box!! Mwuahahaha! |
|
greatgreenman said: Oh if only you knew the fate in store! Only Kami knows the truth! and I've sealed him away in a concrete box!! Mwuahahaha! WHY?! make him write a 2nd story XT |
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| Find the key alice |
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| Chapter 36: A mother's interest WIP |
New_User_12345Dec 10, 2016 11:26 AM
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| Well I hoped to post more before I left but I ran out of time, see you guys in three months. Thanks for all the feedback up until now, I'm going to miss you all. I'll be back before you know it :P |
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| It's upsetting that this won't be updated for another 3 months. Good luck out there Greeny. |
|
greatgreenman said: ”So what's the story on these markings on the walls?” I ask as we pass by a few interesting images. ”They hold the history of the island, there are many temples like this one across the island. They each hold a fragment of it's history, though everyone sees a different image etched into it's walls, a magic that has unfortunately been lost to the ages.” Nice! This adds a whole 'nother layer of meaning to the shrine network! |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
| Your temple is getting a lot of attention lately, but you MIGHT be getting another visitor later. Not certain yet, but when I come back I'll let you now :P. But yeah I have some fairly large plans the connect a lot of the stories (in reference mostly) to the history of the island. Since many of us don't actually interact in our stories, and this will be shifting towards collab, I plan to use that for an interesting plot device. |
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| Sucks that you'll be gone. I'm thinking about doubling my chapter length and posting frequency while you're gone as a passive-aggressive attempt at pouting =P Anyway, the shrine revelation is pretty cool. If they show the history of the island, that could explain why the initial description included a lot of sexual themes (if I remember correctly). I wonder what sort of other things it might reveal... |
| Chapter 37: Poison for poison WIP |
New_User_12345Dec 10, 2016 11:26 AM
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| 2 months later huh? You see, this is the result of you not manning up and just helping poor Scarlet. Glad to have you back. Few grammar errors. Think your slipping since I can't recall ever seeing any before your service. |
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| eh it happens, feel free to point them out to me (in PM so it doesn't clog the posts) and I'll make the corrections. Though this one I figured I would have a few mistakes because I changed the perspective tense, where normally I wrote in present tense, this was mostly in past tense (though some phrasing sounded strange in past tense so I may have ultimately left a few things grammatically incorrect for the sake of my own hubris which is my regional way of speaking lol). Again, just let me know :P (I'm not a pro, but I still appreciate feedback.) Thanks for reading and glad you're still around Clar ^^ |
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| you cant rid of me no matter what :P, if i remember to check i'll see if i can find them again when i get back from construction work later, for now i want try get some sleep beforehand looking forward to your next chapter (and hope your still reading mine :3) |
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| Ah, I love the whole flash-forward thing. It's like saying, "You done fucked up...let's see how!" |
| I am certain we will soon find out that everything was different that it originally seemed. This story began as a mindfuck and will end as mindfuck. |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| @clar: yup still do :3 @em: I thought it only made sense to start off roughly the same amount of time ive been gone (nobody else stopped writing so its not like time time for my peeps) and 2 months is plenty of time for me to get into all kinds of trouble :P @beast: dont worry, I always wear protection b4 I mind f*ck you ;) |
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greatgreenman said: dont worry, I always wear protection b4 I mind f*ck you ;) Take responsibility, baka! |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| Ya know, I would buttt ive got this meeting... with some people. And I have a long business trip soo... *runs off* Oh and I pawned off your keys to the loli kingdom |
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greatgreenman said: Oh and I pawned off your keys to the loli kingdom Don't worry. I got spare. |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| Chapter 38: Relief WIP |
New_User_12345Dec 10, 2016 11:25 AM
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| WOOO he's still alive! great chapter but there seems to be a thing with male nudity around this chapter... even better lol great to have you back green |
 |
| Don Salieri is back. For a while I wondered if you had another split personality experience. Is there going to be transformation sequence for you too? I wonder if you get dog ears in the process. I hope you do, result could be greatest crossover between Inuyasha, Inception, American werewolf and Mafia done so far. |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| shhh your wives mustn't know |
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| He's "sort of" a pharmacist, no? Looks like there's going to be all sorts of party going on here soon... |
| Chapter 39: When the (wedding) bell tolls WIP |
New_User_12345Dec 10, 2016 11:25 AM
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| I can see another personality swap coming :-P main protagonist and antagonist never been so close :-P |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| i haven't been this giddy since echoes_guy's story got an update. gj green amazing work cant wait to see what happens next (had ot sadly skip the h-scene cause school is when i read this but i bet it was good as well) |
 ] |
| Very solid all around. If I had to gripe, it'd be about the use of asterisks for some letters. Can't bitch too much since you did a great job of switching up descriptors so...bravo =) Now we get to see how much the writer hates the MC =P |
| Chapter 40: Love is like a drug WIP |
New_User_12345Dec 10, 2016 11:24 AM
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| Ah, foreshadowy goodness. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
| Damn, shit's getting heavy in all the right ways. Here's to more of this soon! *raises a glass* |
| errors here and there but good stuff now where the next chapter? also cant help but mention that the nickname you tried to label me with failed green |
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| I definitely must place a comment under the chapter once I've read otherwise I would forgot I did so. |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| I'm going to be making some changes to this story before I post a new chapter. I'm going to repost the updated chapters as soon as I figure out the best way to approach (Don't know whether to replace the old ones or just right out delete it all and post the new revamped chapters. |
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| welcome back~ :L |
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| Indeed! I had been missing this story. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
| Chapters 1-7 have been reposted. Let me know what you think of the updates ^_^ |
|
| Guess I say hi to you here. Nice to meet you, and welcome back. As for the 7 reposted chapters. It has been over a year since I read the original story, so I can't remember it well enough to tell what has changed. I noticed quite a few missing quotes and a couple of color errors, but nothing that really distracts from reading. As for your statements about the undead types, I would like to point out that only Zombies and Vampires are clearly stated to be mostly nocturnal. A case can be made for the Wights being nocturnal as well (they do tend to create demon realms of everlasting night), but it isn't explicitly said that they are. Also no undead species is harmed by sunlight. Even Vampires, though weakened by it, won't be harmed by it. Also with the references to Charisse it seems that your story takes place quite a while before the "current timeline" stories (which makes sense obviously). Finally I'm glad to see the story continued and hope to see more soon. |
MetallumOperaturDec 14, 2016 3:59 PM
| Happy birthday |
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| @Metal: When the case is not explicitly stated in either for or against, I can take the creative liberty of deciding for them lol. And if you're weakened by sunlight, wouldn't you do your best to avoid it? But otherwise good catch on the color coding, idk how that happened as I modified old text so it shouldn't have been an issue :S. @Clar: Thanks ^_^ |
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| Chapters 8-14 have been updated. |
|
greatgreenman said: @Metal: When the case is not explicitly stated in either for or against, I can take the creative liberty of deciding for them lol. And if you're weakened by sunlight, wouldn't you do your best to avoid it? But otherwise good catch on the color coding, idk how that happened as I modified old text so it shouldn't have been an issue :S. But it totally IS stated =P (this is the official English translation) "They possess extremely high fighting abilities, but they also have a ton of weaknesses. Under the sun's rays, their physical abilities are weakened to the degree of an ordinary human girl, and just from touching fresh water, a powerful numbing pleasure will course through their body. Additionally, they are weak to garlic, and just smelling it will diminish their reasoning abilities, and render them unable to think straight. Were one to put it in their mouth, their rationality would completely disappear, and they'd end up going wild and seeking pleasure just like the original variety of succubus. " As long as they aren't catching on fire, exploding into dust, or sparkling in the sun, you're probably fine. =) Just don't set a precedent unless you're also going to add your own reasoning why things are a certain way--like a vampire clan/bloodline or series of them that is still actually harmed by sunlight due to a curse, corrupted demonic energy, or something. |
| @Em: Long time no see! Anyways, when I originally posted these (way back when), the description for vampires had mentioned that while sun light was not lethal, it was uncomfortable. The theory kind of extended to most undead MGs that they typically avoided sunlight in general with the exception of a few. I'm not the first to use this logic either. But I don't want to debate it, I didn't plan on updating lore while updating the plot but if it's an issue I can change the wording. I appreciate the feedback. |
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| I just noticed Green's tag: the Sydokiller stalking party... What the heck? :-P |
MetallumOperaturDec 21, 2016 3:01 PM
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