| I'm starting to write a new novel and would love to have some readers review it. All suggestions are welcome. ScribbleHub WebNovel |
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| I have tried to read the synopsis. However, he is just a normal human who summon [sic] there. My eyes... While trying to find a way home after many troubles, he met the princess of Skyl , This extra spacing... However his plan to kill her fails A comma is missing after the first word. as she escape [sic] the killer who try [sic] to kill her far land so it can act as an accident [???]. ... The story revolves around their journey to [the] capital I would advise you to study the English grammar more seriously before you write your next novel. |
| Your novel has very amateur writing but I won't drag on about that since we all have to start from somewhere. My biggest point of criticism would be the grammar, so make sure you focus on that. There is not much to say about about the story itself since there is only one chapter however I will say make sure to make the part about the father acting aggressively towards the son significant in some way. If you don't it will just be a random inclusion in the story with no meaning or purpose. I wish you well on your writing journey. |
| When a pancake lover does something: "Outrageous vicious crime" When a waffle lover does something: "That means it is not illegal" Quotes - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld_HIM667Do&t=2822s |
| As others have mentioned the grammar is lacking in certain parts. Try to be a bit more careful as the grammar pretty much holds a piece of literature together. Also, your writing lacks substance. I could barely feel any real emotions being conveyed while reading. Try to focus more on describing the scene rather than blatantly telling the reader what's happening. It needs more nuance. Don't be afraid to make long descriptions of scenes. Try experimenting more with your writing before completing your draft. Even experienced writers need a lot of time to write even the most trivial scenes in a story. You're still new to this tho so don't worry too much about what others think. Just try to make the most of whatever criticism the readers may have. It's a learning experience. Edit: Another thing I forgot to mention: DO NOT WRITE FOR THE SAKE OF THE READER! Write what you like for the reasons you like it. It doesn't have to be a story filled with popular tropes and generic development, just so you can get some easy views for your work online. If you're writing a story you don't like, and are just doing it for popularity, then that story is going to feel dull regardless of how good your writing is. No good writer can write about everything and anything, you need to write stories you relate to and are passionate about. |
SimplyBrazenJun 29, 1:51 AM
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| @Makoto_Yuri Maybe add some spicy yuri elements to the premise, by turning the protagonist into a girl. |
This dance is the pinnacle of human achievement. |
Reply to Meusnier
I have tried to read the synopsis.
My eyes...
This extra spacing...
A comma is missing after the first word.
...
I would advise you to study the English grammar more seriously before you write your next novel.
However, he is just a normal human who summon [sic] there.
My eyes...
While trying to find a way home after many troubles, he met the princess of Skyl ,
This extra spacing...
However his plan to kill her fails
A comma is missing after the first word.
as she escape [sic] the killer who try [sic] to kill her far land so it can act as an accident [???].
...
The story revolves around their journey to [the] capital
I would advise you to study the English grammar more seriously before you write your next novel.
| @Meusnier Okay, I will try to do better there. But thank you for pointing out my error. |
|
Reply to WaffleMaster89
Your novel has very amateur writing but I won't drag on about that since we all have to start from somewhere. My biggest point of criticism would be the grammar, so make sure you focus on that. There is not much to say about about the story itself since there is only one chapter however I will say make sure to make the part about the father acting aggressively towards the son significant in some way. If you don't it will just be a random inclusion in the story with no meaning or purpose.
I wish you well on your writing journey.
I wish you well on your writing journey.
| @WaffleMaster89 Yeah the writing style is not good. I will try to improve it in my next chapter |
|
Reply to Zarutaku
@Makoto_Yuri Maybe add some spicy yuri elements to the premise, by turning the protagonist into a girl.
| @Zarutaku Maybe in next novel ig:).. |
|
Reply to SimplyBrazen
As others have mentioned the grammar is lacking in certain parts. Try to be a bit more careful as the grammar pretty much holds a piece of literature together.
Also, your writing lacks substance. I could barely feel any real emotions being conveyed while reading. Try to focus more on describing the scene rather than blatantly telling the reader what's happening. It needs more nuance. Don't be afraid to make long descriptions of scenes. Try experimenting more with your writing before completing your draft. Even experienced writers need a lot of time to write even the most trivial scenes in a story.
You're still new to this tho so don't worry too much about what others think. Just try to make the most of whatever criticism the readers may have. It's a learning experience.
Edit: Another thing I forgot to mention: DO NOT WRITE FOR THE SAKE OF THE READER! Write what you like for the reasons you like it. It doesn't have to be a story filled with popular tropes and generic development, just so you can get some easy views for your work online. If you're writing a story you don't like, and are just doing it for popularity, then that story is going to feel dull regardless of how good your writing is. No good writer can write about everything and anything, you need to write stories you relate to and are passionate about.
Also, your writing lacks substance. I could barely feel any real emotions being conveyed while reading. Try to focus more on describing the scene rather than blatantly telling the reader what's happening. It needs more nuance. Don't be afraid to make long descriptions of scenes. Try experimenting more with your writing before completing your draft. Even experienced writers need a lot of time to write even the most trivial scenes in a story.
You're still new to this tho so don't worry too much about what others think. Just try to make the most of whatever criticism the readers may have. It's a learning experience.
Edit: Another thing I forgot to mention: DO NOT WRITE FOR THE SAKE OF THE READER! Write what you like for the reasons you like it. It doesn't have to be a story filled with popular tropes and generic development, just so you can get some easy views for your work online. If you're writing a story you don't like, and are just doing it for popularity, then that story is going to feel dull regardless of how good your writing is. No good writer can write about everything and anything, you need to write stories you relate to and are passionate about.
| @SimplyBrazen I'm still learning . I already know that my english is bad (not my first language). But I will try to improve it. |
|
Reply to Adverrito
here's my harsh review on Skyl: Adventure to Home synopsis and chapter1.
first, your english needs to be polished. i myself isn't good at grammars but i'm not writing a novel or anything, so i don't have to care
you, on the other hand, have to cus people won't take your work seriously or won't even read it if you can't do the basics.
maybe use free grammar checker online after you finished writing
second, some writings are kinda off to me. here are some parts:
-the dude knew he got isekaied by seeing a dirt path and old fashioned clothes. however, apparently these people also use phones and cars.
it doesn't make sense that they have the technology to build advanced things like phones and cars but don't use it on fashion or making concrete pavements.
on a side note, to me, it was kinda lame that the protagonist knew he got isekaied just by seeing a dirt path and outdated clothes, so there's that
-between the dream come true moment and the yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh moment, there is the spouting class name moment that seems kinda out of place. i think it's more cohesive to do the yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh moment right after he does the dream come true moment. then he can spout class names or whatever.
on a side note, his yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh moment wasn't convincing to me since i didn't get to read his train of thoughts that led to his bravado. all i got was a single sentence that he watched isekai anime and it's like a dream come true to him.
third, there are too few ideas that interest me in chapter1 and they also lack in detail. there were things like a small pixel girl, a father who wants to snap his son's neck and getting isekaied without no powers at all. however, those weren't detailed enough to get me hooked. for example, i may get more interested if you described in detail of that pixel girl's bust size or maybe that father is actually an alcoholic stepfather who occasionally beats his wife and wants to get rid of his step son or throw in some good ideas like the well cultured commentor above suggested, getting the protagonist isekaied as his gaming character which happens to be a female, goes off an yuri adventure with a princess, and finally goes back home in order to lose his virginity as a man, not as a woman. i understand you want your protagonist to start as normal as possible, but it's good to make things interesting as possible and hope the readers find them interesting as well.
your writing is not that bad, it's just that it seems to be on par with other generic isekais out there and i think you can do better. good luck
first, your english needs to be polished. i myself isn't good at grammars but i'm not writing a novel or anything, so i don't have to care
you, on the other hand, have to cus people won't take your work seriously or won't even read it if you can't do the basics.
maybe use free grammar checker online after you finished writing
second, some writings are kinda off to me. here are some parts:
-the dude knew he got isekaied by seeing a dirt path and old fashioned clothes. however, apparently these people also use phones and cars.
it doesn't make sense that they have the technology to build advanced things like phones and cars but don't use it on fashion or making concrete pavements.
on a side note, to me, it was kinda lame that the protagonist knew he got isekaied just by seeing a dirt path and outdated clothes, so there's that
-between the dream come true moment and the yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh moment, there is the spouting class name moment that seems kinda out of place. i think it's more cohesive to do the yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh moment right after he does the dream come true moment. then he can spout class names or whatever.
on a side note, his yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh moment wasn't convincing to me since i didn't get to read his train of thoughts that led to his bravado. all i got was a single sentence that he watched isekai anime and it's like a dream come true to him.
third, there are too few ideas that interest me in chapter1 and they also lack in detail. there were things like a small pixel girl, a father who wants to snap his son's neck and getting isekaied without no powers at all. however, those weren't detailed enough to get me hooked. for example, i may get more interested if you described in detail of that pixel girl's bust size or maybe that father is actually an alcoholic stepfather who occasionally beats his wife and wants to get rid of his step son or throw in some good ideas like the well cultured commentor above suggested, getting the protagonist isekaied as his gaming character which happens to be a female, goes off an yuri adventure with a princess, and finally goes back home in order to lose his virginity as a man, not as a woman. i understand you want your protagonist to start as normal as possible, but it's good to make things interesting as possible and hope the readers find them interesting as well.
your writing is not that bad, it's just that it seems to be on par with other generic isekais out there and i think you can do better. good luck
| @Adverrito I know my grammar is bad. For other parts, I actually don't think much about detail. I will try to improve my mistake in chapter 2. |
|
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