Fate/kaleid liner Prisma☆Illya: Prisma☆Phantasm

I..... have never been so angry while watching something from a series I love before. Caution, this review is COMPLETELY biassed and fueled by so much anger and hate that Angra Mainyu should be telling me to calm down right about now. Look, I'm a reasonable man. I understand that this was shown in theater. People were expecting this to be a fanservice festival, but I knew it wasn't going to be that. Not only was this going to be shown in theaters but this is part of the Phantasm series. And I loved Carnival Phantasm, I did. I enjoy wacky humor. I enjoy senseless ... comedy. But what I cannot tolerate, what sends me into a murderous frenzy is being lied to. Look at the key art. Look at the previews. Look at the webpage. Seriously, look here:
http://anime.prisma-illya.jp/movie/prismaphantasm/img/pre/visual_01.jpg

Who do you see? You see Illya, Kuro, Miyu, their friends, Gil, Ruby, Saphire, Shiro, Rin, Luvia. Who do you not see? Shinji and Kotomine. GUESS WHAT 90% OF THE GODDAMN THING IS? SHINJI AND KOTOMINE! And you know what's worse? They're not even funny. Like... at all. Maybe I was just too enraged to appreciate the humor. But then I watched it again. Didn't help. I was still raging. What's worse then making a bad joke? Repaeating said bad joke hour more times. Yeah, they do that. They basically have one joke for Kotomine and they keep repeating it. Shinji doesn't fair much better. The final arc was relatively amusing. It's also the only one where Illya actively participates.

Why? What happened? Why did they think this was a good idea? The director AND the writer are the same ones from the TV seires. So how the hell could they think this is what the fans want? This boggles the mind. You should read the Amazon.jp reviews. 33% gave a 1 star. Yeah, Japan did not like this either.
And it's not like they didn't have material. There's tons of extra chapters from the manga that could have been adapted. But nope... Kotomine and Shinji... that's what Prisma Illya fans wanted. We need Avenger for this mess.

What a horrifying abomination.
I came for Illya, not that dick Shinji guy saying ejaculations four thousand times.
I'm not expecting some excellent comedies as in Carnival Phantasm from this kaleid liner series, but please, at least give some fan service that we kaleid liner watchers look for, okay?

Comedy: 0/10 Not even laughed for a millisecond
Parody: 1/10 The one extra point is for the appearance of badass Shirou
Fan Service: -10/10 for nearly ZERO minute of existence for the three primary school girls
Action: 1/10 What? You want to see good action scenes from Silver Link?

I'm so glad I didn't pay any cent to watch this in the ... cinema.

Coming from a fan that is infatuated with both the original Fate series, Fate Kaleid and enjoyed even Carnival Phantasm (which should not be confused with this title), I have to say: this is either something someone wrote when drunk or straight up laughing in people's face.

There's literally no plot here, worse, there's so much "artistic freedom" in this that the whole thing feels both cringe and pointless. By cringe I don't mean fanservice that I like as well but you shaking your head and wondering "why, just why".

When my beloved Illya finally appeared, for which I managed to watch it to the end, ... another letdown. The girl who has a hilarious personality, tough character and a heart of gold is... drugged or something?

Not that it matters much as at that point the third wall has been needlessly and unceremoniously broken for no practical purpose and the 3-year-old creators went wild playing in their sandbox, and not in a good way.

The only reasons I'm not giving this a 1 is some people that like very bad slapstick humor might enjoy it and the art style still seems to be like in the original Fate Kaleid series (the artist should've demanded 100 mil yet for animating this horror show).

If there are mistakes in this review, I'm sorry, it's still better thought-out than this anime.