Variable Geo

Have you ever wondered who's the toughest waitress around, and wished there exists a martial arts tournament that can help you answer this intriguing question?

Well, me neither.

But apparently, someone had, as this is the premise for a fighting anime called "Variable Geo", which features said tournament of the same name.

I only picked up "Variable Geo" because I'd played the original SNES game before (a fiendishly hard game by the way - I couldn't even get to the boss on the easiest mode), and since the anime comprises only three episodes, I thought: why not?

I'd braced myself for a bad anime, but the shittiness of "Variable ... Geo" somehow managed to surpass even my expectations. Its first mistake, like many other fighting game adaptations, is pretending to be something it's not. Instead of fully embracing its shallowness and concentrating on just being a great fighting anime, "Variable Geo" fancies itself as something deeper and more philosophical. As a result, you get meaningless pseudo-philosophical drivel such as "I'd like to see the petals in the tea" strewn all over the place, along with ill-judged attempts to do some soul searching on why the characters fight, like "when I fight, I feel like I'm communicating with them, that's why I fight." Yeah right. I guess no one told this character the existence of a communication method called "dialogue". Is it just me who get really irritated by fighting anime trying to come up with inane reasons to justify the fighting - no one fucking cares, start beating the shit out of each other already!

I also couldn't extract much sense out of the story, and the parts I did understand seems laughably flimsy. When a fighter in a martial arts tournament turns up for a match with glowing metal rods sticking out of her back, you would think that, in the very least, her opponent would smell something fishy going on, but no. Precisely zero eyebrows were raised at this strange occurrence.

If you're wondering whether you should pick up this anime to see some ass-kicking action, don't bother. None of the fights last long enough, and most of them quickly descend into dull affairs where the fighters start blasting energy at each other, and the fight would get resolved by who's got the stronger projectile attack. Have you ever seen one of those Street Fighter matches where it's Ryu/Ken vs another Ryu Ken, and it mostly consists of them throwing fireballs at each other from across the screen? Well it's like that. Going to the toilet and taking a piss feels more satisfying.

You might wonder what is the point of "Variable Geo". As the terribly uninteresting fights play out on screen, the anime finally reveals its raison d'etre ... in the form of girls getting their clothes ripped off by the attacks of their opponents. THAT's the kind of audience it's fishing for. And if that sounds like the kind of thing that floats your boat, then congratulations on discovering a new anime to watch. But for everyone else, "Variable Geo" is a hard sell: the series isn't just bad, it's ludicrously bad, and not even in a so-bad-it's-good kind of way. Its only redeeming factor is its length: at three episodes, the torture didn't last too long, fortunately.

Personal rating: -2.5 (abysmal)

Esta review también está en español.

In 1991, a game called Street Fighter 2 was created, and changed the gaming world forever. True: it wasn't the first fighting game, having predecessors such as Yie Ar Kung Fu, Karate Champ, and, of course, Street Fighter 1 (people tend to forget about this one), but it was the one that put all the pieces together, polished the concept, and provide us with a fair number of playable characters (unlike the previous games, that only had one main character). Obviously, after the overwhelming success, a lot of fighting games appeared, some trying to innovate and add new stuff to ... the genre, and others just trying to copy SF in a shameless way. Variable Geo is in the second category, being the only difference that all the characters were girls. So, despite being a blatant copy (and i really mean it: the powers, the stages, the character selection and even the continue screen are extremely similar to those seen in SF), it has enough personality gain many fans (and a few continuations too), and, eventually, in 1996, earn an animated adaptation (pretty common in those years... it's such a shame that Valis didn't get one too ;_;).

The story's about Japan most important event: martial arts tournament... with waitresses as only participants. The prize? 10.000.000 dollars, and a property wherever the winner wants. The rules are simple: 1 vs. 1 eliminatory fights, the winner passes to the next round, and the looser have to undress in front of the public! If you believe the premise is crazy, you should see the staging: the rings are present in essentially all sides, and can emerge from even the intersection of two streets, there are cameras everywhere that provide global coverage (in fact, the rest of the programming is cancelled: when there's a fight, the only thing in the TV is the fight), and, to sum it all, this is so serious that the prime minister of Japan stop whatever he was doing to see a preliminary bout. Of course, there are huge bets in all this, but good god, what a bunch of horny people. Anyways... the protagonist here is Yuka Takeuchi, a 17 years old girl who decides to participate in the tournament not for the money or the glory, but simply to face powerful rivals. So, she's a 88-59-88 Ryu (she even has a hadouken similar move, and a shoryuken similar move). Her best friend, Satomi Yajima enters the tournament under the sponsoring of a dark organization, who promises to pay the medical bills of her ill little brother Daisuke if she undergoes a dangerous treatment that would make her the ultimate fighter. So, best friends become rivals and blablabla. It's not the most original story ever, but is the typical one for a fighting game adaptation (similar stuff happened in SF and Virtua Fighter too n_n).

Of course, the rest of the game cast make an appearance, being the most relevant to the plot Jun Kubota, a former olympic wrestler and Yuka's first rival in the tournament, Chiho Matsuda, a modern day ninja (and one of the few characters that uses weapons) that enters in the competition to gather info, Manami Kusonoki, a fifteen years old girl that acts like an eleven years old and joins this fighting thingy cause it looks like fun, and Reimi Jyahana, organizer and current champion of the tournament (sometimes act like an spoiled ojou, but has a strong sense of honor and is quite reasonable).

The animation is good for the 90's standards. The battles are pretty cool (both the power throwing parts, and the close combat parts), and that's good, since is the 75% of the anime. The powers are flashy, bright and... red. All of them. The aura's red too. All the characters could be in a hentai, having bodies that verge on 90-60-90 (except for Manami, who is the token loli... so, she can be in another kind of hentai...). And speaking of hentai, there is a scene that is basically a tentacle rape, but with roses. Very awkward.

The music's not bad, is the common one of fighting games. I don't know if the voices of this OVAS are the same from the games... but the work is pretty good. Even if the majority of the seiyuus are not even in this page database, there are a few destacable VA, being Kotono Mitsuishi Yuka's voice (Misato Katsuragi in Evangelion, and Usagi Tsukino in Sailor Moon) and Yuka Imai Kaori's voice (Rio Kinesono in Burn Up, Otaru Namiya in Saber Marionette J). And for those of you who doesn't like to read subtitles (something pretty wierd in this business xD), there is an engish dub! The seiyuus are even less known than the japanese ones, being the most renowned one Larissa Walcott (Excel in Excel Saga). It's pretty weird that there's a dub when none of the games make it to the west...

So, there's nothing very remarkable about Variable Geo. Cliche story, cliche characters, standard animation and standard sound. However, the constant succession of battles and the ecchi moments make V.G. a decent option for those who want some mindless action and some breast.

And if you though that the premise of Variable Geo could be adapted to hentai... well, you were right. V.G. Neo is a sequel, and the only major difference is that, if the participant loses, instead of being undress, she will be... well, you know.
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En 1991, un juego llamado Street Fighter 2 nacía, y cambiaba el mundo de los videojuegos. Cierto: no era el primer juego de lucha propiamente dicho, teniendo predecesores como Yie Ar Kung Fu, Karate Champ, y aunque no lo crean, Street Fighter 1, pero si fue el que puso todas las piezas juntas, y nos dio varios personajes elegibles. Obviamente, después de su éxito arrasador aparecieron otros juegos de lucha que, o a su forma intentaban innovar en este nuevo género, que simplemente eran clones de SF. Variable Geo pertenece a la segunda categoría, siendo su única diferencia que todos los personajes son chicas (mozas, todas ellas). A pesar de ser una copia descarada (y quiero decir descarada: los poderes, la selección de personaje, y hasta la pantalla de continue son calcos de los vistos en SF), tuvo la suficiente personalidad como para ganar varios adeptos (además de un par de continuaciones), y finalmente, en 1996, conseguir una versión animada, una tendencia muy típica en la época (y si que había adaptaciones de videojuegos en esos tiempos... es una lástima que se les haya pasado el carro de Valis ;_;).

La historia de estas OVAS nos muestra que en Japón hay una competencia que es el centro de todo: torneo de artes marciales, en el que se decide quién es la moza mas fuerte!. El premio? 10.000.000 de dólares y una propiedad donde lo desee. Las reglas son muy simples: peleas eliminatorias 1 vs 1, en las que la ganadora pasa de ronda y la perdedora tendrá que desvestirse ante todo el publico o_o. Si creen que esta premisa es delirante, deberían ver la puesta en escena: los rings están presentes básicamente en todos lados, pudiendo emerger hasta en la intersección de dos calles, activándose varias cámaras que dan cobertura mundial (que de hecho, anulan el resto de la programación: lo único que hay en la tele cuando hay una pelea, es la pelea), y siendo cosa tan seria que hasta el primer ministro japonés deja de hacer lo que sea que estaba haciendo para ver un combate de preliminares. De esto se desprende que, o todos tienen mucha plata en juego, o todos son unos calentones importantes. Como sea, la protagonista es Yuka Takeuchi, una chica de 17 años que decidió participar en este torneo no por el dinero o la gloria, si no simplemente para enfrentar rivales poderosos. Para hacerla corta, es Ryu, pero con medidas 88-59-88 (hasta tiene un hadouken y un shoryuken n_n). Su mejor amiga, Satomi Yajima (que por suerte no se parece a Ken Masters) se inscribe al torneo bajo el sponsor de una organización de dudosa reputación, que promete pagar los gastos médicos de su hermanito enfermo Daisuke a cambio de que ella se someta a un tratamiento que la convertiría en la mejor peleadora del mundo. Es así como mejores amigas se convierten ahora en rivales y blablabla. No es la historia más original del mundo, dado que se vieron cosas parecidas en los animes de SF y Virtua Fighter, pero tampoco se le puede pedir mucho.

Por supuesto, el resto de los personajes del juego hacen acto de presencia, siendo las más relevantes Jun Kubota, ex-luchadora olímpica y primera rival de Yuka, Chiho Matsuda, una Ninja contemporánea (y una de las pocas que usa armas), Manami Kusonoki, una chica de 15 que parece de 11 y que solo se inscribió por que le parecía interesante, y Reimi Jyahana, organizadora y actual campeona del torneo.
La animación es la típica de los años 90, en el instante en que vi esto sentí una nostalgia enorme por una época más sencilla xD. Los poderes son bien llamativos y... rojos. Acá el aura es roja. Todas las protagonistas de este anime parecen sacadas de un hentai, y excepto por Manami, todas tienen cuerpos que rozan el 90-60-90. Y hablando de hentai, hay una escena que es básicamente una violación con tentáculos, pero con rosas. Muy raro.

La música no está mal, es la característica de un juego de lucha. Las voces japonesas no sé si son las mismas que la de alguno de los juegos, y aunque la mayoría de las seiyuus ni siquiera figuran en la base de datos de esta pag, se destacan Kotono Mitsuishi como Yuka (Misato en Evangelion y Usagi Tsukino en Sailor Moon!) y Yuka Imai como Kaori Yanase (Rio Kinesono en Burn Up, Otaru Namiya en Saber Marionette J). Y a los que no les gusten los subtítulos (algo bastante fuera de lo común en este ambiente), también hay un doblaje al ingles (la voz de Manami es Larissa Walcott, o sea, Exel de Exel Saga), cosa bastante peculiar si tenemos en cuenta que ninguno de los juegos se lanzo en occidente oficialmente.

Así que, redondeando, no hay nada muy destacable en Variable Geo. Historia cliche, personajes cliche, animación estándar, sonido estándar. Sin embargo, la constante sucesión de batallas (bastante bien hechas) y momentos ecchi hacen que Variable Geo sea una opción recomendable para aquellos que quieran ver mucha acción algunas tetas.
Y si pensaron que la trama de Variable Geo daba como para un hentai... tienen razón! V.G. Neo es, supuestamente, una continuación, que deja del lado el ecchi para convertirse en una serie 100% hentai. La única diferencia es que, una vez perdido un combate, en vez de ser desvestidas, las participantes... bueno, ya saben.

Anime adaptation of a girls-only fighting game. The fighters are all girls. The fights happen in public. The loser gets naked. Some evil mastermind is planning something.

Weak points: the story isn't very interesting.
Strong points: nice hand to hand combat animation in some parts.
Content warning: besides martial arts, there's some violence. Girls are stripped naked against their will. Heads are stepped on.

Among the girls there's a traditional dojo martial arts fighter, a female wrestler, a dancer, a bunny girl, an analytical computer girl with glasses, a loli with robotic animal paws, and an ojou-sama with long drills.

The show is solid and does a few things better than other anime with similar feels. The story is very basic and doesn't get an introduction until almost the end of episode 1. It's barely there but the show is not worried about its story and doesnt think you are either. It moves fast goes from point A to D skipping C and its ok. It doesnt waste your time and it shows a shit load of pantsu and titties while having some decent fights.

On the ecchi side its great. Characters where different outfits with different underwear and it all rips away during the ... fights. Shows get extra points for doing that, and this show doesnt hold back. There is some "shame" kink stuff that is hit or miss but overall the package of panties, titties, and hot chicks fighting lands where you want it to.

It's easy to watch and doesnt pretend to be more than it is. That's 7 ripped maid outfits out of 10.